HR: We have received complain that you have been sexually harassing an intern.
Me: No, I wasn’t. Me and the new intern all we talk about is Coding, Apps, and TV-Series
HR: You are lying. I have the words that you said to the intern. Do you want me to read it out.
Me: I have no clue what I said to the intern so please read it out.
HR: You said, “Always pull before you push”. Do you remember saying this?
Me: Yes, I was teaching the intern how to use GIT.
HR: Okay, let me call the intern and let see if he says the same.

** Intern **
HR: Was he sexually harassing you today at any time.
Intern: No
HR: Did he said, “Pull before you push” to you?
Intern: Yes
HR: What does that mean, sounds like a slang for something sexual.
Intern: haha, no it means that I should pull the changes made to the files before I can push the changes I did to the code from my computer.
HR: But he said something else like he was teaching you how to use GIT
Intern: Yes, that’s what GIT is.
HR: Okay both of you can go and don’t use this type of terms in the future it doesn’t make good working culture.

Client: I love the site and will sign your contract today. I'll even give you a bonus since you got it done early. Can you put it up there this evening?

Me: I'm so glad that you liked it. I'll bring a condom with me all filled out and ready to go so we can push it up there.

Me: Contract. Damned phone

Client: please leave the condom at home

What's your worst autocorrect with a client?

"Don't worry about testing too much, push it to production asap"

"Sir, I fixed the recent bug"

"Great, what did you do?"

"I commented out the code that was causing it :)"

"Brilliant! You didn't forget to push the code to production, did you?"

"No Sir, I pushed it immediately"

"Marvelous! I'll arrange a promotion for you next month"

"Sir, it compiles"

"Push"

"But Sir, what about debugging?"

"I said push"

"But shouldn't we..."

"PUSH THE GOD DAMN CODE"

Git makes it easy to search through historical changes they said. Git is amazing when working in teams they said.

It sure is.

If your coworkers do not commit every time they burp or fart, do not use "🚀" or "✨" or "fix" as a commit message, and do not push all their shitty experimental broken branches without cleaning up.

I'm surprised there are no piles of fecal matter behind their desk chairs.

Wife : School tooday ?
Me: Nop... Remote working ! 😎😁

Love programming

Wife : But how people know you working.

Me : git commit -a -m "im working on it" && git push

Wife : ohh never mind have a good day !

Me : you too

My previous employer still (contractually) owes me $5k. I still have push access to the repo and prod servers. Should I add a reminder to the admin dashboard? (After yet another email reminder, ofc.)

I could also mail him an invoice, since I have his addresses. Then again, it has been about a year since I was supposed to receive it, so maybe I'll just file a lawsuit. 🙄

Should @Root sue her ex-boss?

Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Don't push to prod today!

But if you do,
Make sure you
Test it all the way!

Happy holidays, y'all!

Thank you dear mr. boss for fucking up our master branch by adding local changes to a 2 months outdated master branch (250 FUCKING COMMITS BEHIND), pull the remote and then just push without resolving any conflicts!!!1!!!

But thank you so much for sending me an email at 10pm asking me to resolve the conflicts.

It is 3 in the morning and it took 1 hour to get it clean.

Sometimes I want to break some necks...

App developers, the fastest way for me to uninstall your application is for you to start sending push notifications for things that are completely unnecessary. They won't remind me to use the app. They'll remind me to uninstall it.

So in my culture when u have hiccups it is believed that someone is mentioning/talking about you, that means that hiccups are one of the first versions of push notifications 😅

Share your most useful terminal aliases and functions.

alias gs='git status'
alias gcm='git commit -m'
alias push='git push'
alias pull='git pull'
alias hosts='sudo nano /etc/hosts'
alias glog='git log --graph --oneline --decorate -n 10 --color'
alias mykey='cat ~/.ssh/id_rsa.pub | xclip -sel clip'

function mkcd () {
mkdir -p -- "$1" && cd -P -- "$1"
}

As well as one for each major project (lets say 1+ weeks of dev time) to immediately cd to it from anywhere. How about you guys?

Always looking to improve my terminal commands, so am curious what everyone else uses for shortcuts.

My friend at school (IT High School in Poland if you're interested) just asked me what version of Windows does Elliot in Mr. Robot use. After I said that it's not Windows, he didn't let me finish my sentence and said that you can't push macOS theming this far.

Arguing with my colleague that i already fix the damn bug

I forgot to push it

- Hey it's lunch time!
- Yeah let me push these changes...
- No! You'll do it later.
- But, it will take 2 minutes!
- NO! WE'RE HAVING LUNCH NOW.

Windows crashes ._.

Dev: To send push notifications, please open a ticket to get access to the new tool we are using which is dedicated to managing push notifications and push notification campaigns.

Me: ok done.

*5 days later*

Tool owner: Can you please add to the ticket the reason you need access?

Me: “To use it”

Believe it or not, this community has helped me overcome my impostor syndrome.

It's such an enormous relief whenever I open the app and read the rants, and I can actually relate to or understand many of them. It restores not only my confidence in my knowledge and skills, but also my motivation to learn and grow. It gives me strength to push forward instead of giving up on this path.

Thank you DevRant, rant on you awesome fuckers! :)

I don't know why it gives you that, just force push ...

"Well, how hard could it be to do it in this impossible deadline?"

Well ... HOW ABOUT I STICK A LAMP POST UP YOUR ASS? HOW HARD COULD IT BE? YOU JUST STAY STILL AND I PUSH HARD ENOUGH, RIGHT?!

> git commit -m 'fixing what I broke earlier'
> git pish
> git: 'pish' is not a git command. See 'git --help'.

Did you mean this?
push
> you know I meant push, why can't you leave me alone and just do it

Don't ever ever forget to push before leaving office.
I repeat : Don't ever ever forget to push!
Sends app to client.
At home and decides to check if the changes actually worked just to realize it crashes because i forgot to comment out my dummy test data.

*On a bus back to the office at midnight*

It really irritates me when people don't use gitignore and just push any shit.

Probably posted before, still funny!

alias yolo='git commit -am "DEAL WITH IT" && git push -f origin master'

I just saw

`git add . --all&&git commit -m update&&git push`

as a npm script hook m) I don't even care, just surprised it wasn't named yolo.

You know, there is so much of a push to get girls to start programming. You know what, the industry is doing just fine, and if a girl wants to get in, she can. Girls shouldn't be considered special, they shouldn't be given a handicap and no one should assume they are worse.

There is absolutely no money to be made in the "Girls who Code" push and people need to start seeing that they are polluting everything.

I just saw, on Shark Tank, some crappy version of the Sphero, which may be the biggest insult to a product, ever, that was basically a Barbie driving around and you can program it. I want to die.

He put just a zip in the new branch. I thought it was going to be the actual fucking project like I asked him to. Nope just a damn zip for me to extract and push to github correctly

Fucking hell

"Just push it to prod, it's just a small change" - team lead 😶

Seen another dev push changes to a production server without even committing it to git.

Mac: you have to reboot for updates

Me: ok

Mac: ... ... (It didn't start anymore)

Work project was there and I did not push :(

Explaining to the client that you can't push untested changes to production and expect it to be bug free.

Github Inc. (Feel good inc. parody)
=========================

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.

Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.

(change) Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Github
(change) fetch it (change), fetch it (change), fetch it (change), Github

Repos breaking down on pull request
Juniors have to go cause they don't know wack
So while you filling the commits and showing branch trees
You won't get paid cause it's all damn free

You set a new linter and a new phenomenal style
Hoping the new code will make you smile
But all you wanna have is a nice long sleep.
But your screams they'll keep you awake cause you don't get no sleep no.

git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng

This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?

Laughing at the class past, fast CRUD
Testing them up for test cracks.
Star the repos at the start
It's my portfolio falling apart.

Shit, I'm forking in the code of this here.
Compile, breaking up this shit this y*er.
Watch me as I navigate.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Yo, this repo is Ghost Town
It's pulled down
With no clowns
You're in the sh*t
Gon' bite the dust
Can't nag with us
With no push
You kill the git

So don't stop, git it, git it, git it
Until you're the maintainers
And watch me criticize you now
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.

git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng

This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?

Don't stop, shit it, git it.
See how your team updates it
Steady, watch me navigate
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Don't stop, shit it, git it.
Peep at updates and reconvert it
Steady, watch me git reset now
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.

Last Friday i convinced my boss it was mission critical to have an IntelliJ Idea subscription for my workstation...

I mostly push yaml files to git... 😁 and i regret nothing...

Frankly if your a dev that doesn't push yourself. I wont take you seriously.

Experience levels range greatly! You have to be mindful of that to.

I push myself with every project looking for better ways to do things

Doesn't mean you can't have fun whilst you do it 😉

Tell people you love them every day because you don't know when it will be the last time.
But more importantly, don't forget to "git push" every day, because you never know when your laptop is about to die, taking with him those last commits. RIP my friend.

So the other day my Huawei phone got a push update, but after installing it, seemingly nothing happened.

I just took a look at my Android version.

I was rolled back from Android 8 to 7.

Let the softroot begin!

Indian web dev company (during the interview)::
We follow standards

Me:: Hey, can I get the project's github link so that I can fork it, do my tasks, run test cases, push and, make pull request that you can review, run integration test, and finally merge.

Indian web dev company:: What?? Here's the ftp credentials.

Me::

Young colleague: help me! My pc won't turn on!

Me.goto(colleague.desk)

Y. Colleague: See? I pushed the button and it didn't turn on!
Me: Have you tried push it a second time?
Y. Colleague:... No....
Me.push(start_button)
Pc turning on..

When I push the code into the prod and it works as expected...

The One thing every Dev should know about:
Never Push to production on Friday.

Coworker pushed to production yesterday.
Customer saw it and likes the new features.
Customer also saw a shitpile of Bugs.
Customer is angry and my weekend is runined

Developer confession.

I always git push a new branch even though I know it will error as there's no upstream, just to copy the full git push with set upstream arguments from the error message.

*about to push an experimental block of code*

my brain:
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it
don’t do it

Me: “git push -u origin master”

Had a MacBook try to commit suicide sometime this weekend... just glad it didn't explode in the office ...

The battery swole large enough to push the trackpad out of the frame about a centimeter cracking it in half.

Took the battery out. Still works fine even with a cracked trackpad.

Stupid bluemix console, build a translator web apps which processed by translator api services. When I pushed it, error occurred *panic begins*. Then I decided to create a default netcore template and push it. It worked. Push the former one again and it worked.

Stupid server honestly

Aaaaand my whole world came crumbling down. All I have is a laptop with a battery backup of 15mins, and now the charger broke.

I was almost done with coding a nice feature, just few more lines and I would have been able to push.

But, rather it went dark. And now I can't code, nothing matters, everything is meaningless 😞

Bout to loose my shit. Fucking hate it when clients push and push to launch the system as urgently as possible. Say they have run through the test version and understand what they are getting and sign it all off. Then come back 2am the day after launch and bitch and moan cause its missing features they thought where there when they weren't part of the original planning and always use the excuse "i have just bought a bunch of marketing, your loosing me money" or "I have an important even with important people that need this tomorrow" and try make it your fucking problem.
Firstly, fuck you
Secondaly, fuck you.
I cant even comprehend your lack of logic.

Embarrassing moment:

Needed to deliver apk urgent urgently​ for push notification testing. I was unable to receive push token. Code is right in every way. Couldn't figured out in 15min. Lead comes to my seat and asks what's issue. And hey suddenly I figured it out. It was my wifi closed.. Bullshit 😬😠

Added a mysql-dump file by misstake in a git commit ....

250MB explains why it took so long to push it to the gitlab server ...

"Your XML is malformed by these strange tags CDATA. I've cleaned it up ;)"

Fuckity Fuck my boy, now the whole website is down. All hail the magic push to prod button.

(there were snippets of user provided HTML that was passed over XML by a microservice)

It is time. I have to admit it.

I don't understand Git.

I just memorized some basic commands: git commit, git push, git push -u origin master, git clone, git checkout [-B], git merge. That's it, that's the full list. I use them like they're some kind of magic spells that do what I need. Everything else, those intricacies like rebasing, resetting, HEAD and all that shit, is beyond me.

I'm not a real programmer. Real programmers know Git.

My progression of learning git rebase:

Year 1: WTF just happened?! Where is my code?! *deletes and re-clones repo*

Year 2: Ok if I do it suuuper carefully I can get the other dev's one-line change into my branch...shit...shit...wait...fuck...oh lol it worked.

Year 3: Oh yeah let me organize my commits real quick. *drop pick pick squash reword pick fixup drop pick* *git push -f* 😎

Every time I try to git init ,and push the code to github,
I always forget the cmds to do it!

Every freaking time ,I have to google.

Don't you just love it when you're waiting on a team member in a different country to push code that you NEED to be able to finish your job, but you know they've already gone home for the night and you're stuck reading the same three doc pages for your entire day at work? Because I sure do

Me: How can I delete pushed commits from origin?
Colleague: Just do git reset --hard and then git push -f
Me: But this is dangerous
Colleague: Wait, I'll do it myself
Colleague: Done
Me: But nothing happened
Colleague: Fuck. I just removed all changes on my own branch

That moment when your project is trending on HackerNews.
Your positive response was a big push, which finally made me post it on hn. Thank you so much, love you all!😃

"Eh, just push it to prod and see if anything breaks"

The entire system went down for hours, estimated loss north of $1M.

Super stressed.
What I did is:
1. git pull --rebase
2. Forgot to build to check if everything is working after pulling new changes
3. git push
4. Now, I realized I forgot to implement a method of the recently changed interface.
It's a production code. Not a joke. And was my first push to prod and I messed it up.
Sad life. Fixing it. Senior Devs must be crazy for my silly mistake.

Just push it

someone pushes code and breaks ci.
me: you broke the build
her: (ignoring the explicit error message) it works on my machine, travis is broken
me: it doesn't even work on my machine!
her: I forgot to push one file, sorry.

coding for your company and you know something doesn't work right.... sweet I'm done. I'll just fix that tomorrow.

coding for yourself and it works right but you still feel nervous about your users using it so it takes you an hour to build up the courage to push the changes live lol

That paranoia feeling when you push an upgrade and something stops working, you rollback, it still doesn't work..
"Has it ever worked at all?"

One fine day, at work, I was doing one of my favourite things.

git push origin test:mainline

And it prompted for my credentials. I gave them and continued as per yooozh..

What I didn't realise then was that I had used my personal github credentials instead of my official account's!

Oops.

Day 3 - and no one has noticed yet...

You know the thing where you put "password":" asd" in a json file to test locally and then push it to the server.

You know when you push to git and not add the generated files to gitignore.

You know when you use "asd123" as salt.

You know when instead of using triggers, you do everything with code.

Yeah...

*doing the happy dance*

🕺💃🕺🎶🕺💃🕺🎶🎶🕺💃🕺

IT WORKS!! It finally WORKS!!! For the first time. AND IT WORKS!!!

```
^s^s^s^s^s^s^s
git add .
git commit -m 'IT WORKS!!!!'
git push origin
git push backup1
git push backup2
```

*continues with the dance*

Sure you know this one:

* Mobile project with realtime notifications
* CEO asks for push implemented with own sockets instead of using firebase or gcm
* Spends loads of time of money and time
* Asks to dev why It costs so much
* Blames the dev for socket implementatiom

Forgot my laptop charger in the hotel, flight leaves in 10 minutes, and my computer is at 2% battery life.

I just need to build this code and push! Will the code be pushed in time? Stay tuned to find out!!

... nah jk it just died. 😧

Some people want to watch the world burn.

Me, i want to add the line ".gitignore" to .gitignore, force push it and fuck off to holidays with a phone turned off.

Had to put down my dog today. I've felt real shitty before but this is my closest experience of loss I've had.

I miss her so much you guys. I'm sorry for bringing it down. You guys all feel like a real community so help me feel my feels and not just push it down.

Setup git push notifications (to each of their own channels), together with automatic deployment via webhook, though I'll add notifications to that too, as it currently doesn't have any besides the log file.

Gitea really has been a blast for me to finally get all things git - done, maybe because it is just so lightweight.

Enough is enough! I can't do it anymore!

...

alias pm='python manage.py'
alias ga='git add .'
alias gc='git commit -a'
alias gi='git init && touch .gitignore && printf ".idea \n venv \n node_modules \n out \n *.iml \n *.log \n build \n target" > .gitignore'
alias gp='git push'
alias gps='git push --set-upstream origin master'
alias gr='git remote add origin'

...

Much better :D

When you have a bug that only comes up randomly, try a fix, after 100 tries, appears it is working, push, same bug pops up.

Quick rant!!

Deadline in 2 days, working with a team.

Me: yo ! , How's the xyz feature? Is it working now?

Teammate: yah, made it work yesterday.

Me: epic! Can you present it to me?

Teammate: wtf, it's not working today!!

Me: no worries, you can sort it out!

Teammate: the latest release you worked on doesn't work properly.

Me: yah, merged code fucked up, I'm fixing that, I'll push a fix today.

And the cycle continues...

FUCK FIREBASE, FUCK CLOUD MESSAGING, FUCK GOOGLE, FUCK APPLE, FUCK PUSH NOTIFICATIONS, FUCK PROGRAMMING AND FUCK MY LIFE. JUST TELL ME MOTHERFUCKERS WHY NOTIFICATIONS IS NOT WORKING ANYMORE, I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHANGE A SINGLE LINE OF THE FUCKING CODE. AND IT'S BEEN ONLY ONE WEEK SINCE THE LAST TIME I TESTED IT.

I finally found it!

I set up an self-hosted gitlab at our company and for some reason everything worked except for one thing: using git (clone, push, etc) via SSH.
The solution was on the 'common installation problems' page at gitlab, but it took me a long time finding it through Google.
I read through the auth.log and realized the 'git' user was locked. Swapped the '!' for a '*' in the /etc/shadow and now it works.

We're good here, let's push it to prod.

Marketing sends an average of 3 newsletter per week all year round, and 4-5 per week on Christmas.
Mailchimp makes this so damn easy for them...

We have ~500.000 subscribed customers.

They discovered the new chrome push notifications API and I 'refused' to build anything for it because I already find the amount of email they send unacceptable and I am pretty sure they would abuse of it.
I'm already imagining like 10 push messages a day...

Am I wrong? What would you do?

Client: I need the push notification to have purple edges with blue background.

Me: I'm sorry. Apple does not have a support for such customization. What we can do is modify title, description and also add an overview image.

Client: No, you can make it purple edges with blue background. I saw it on dribble!

Me: *Logs out*.

Working on a school project, a teammate created a git repo, gave us all the link, but no push access, told him about it, I gave up explaining.

I still dont have push access after half a day.

Also another team member doesnt know how to write code.

I assumed that people that got accepted in a master that has software development in the title have the basic knowledge or the background at least. Even though there is a separate master especially for that, to teach you software development.

Me: Hi, I finished X and Y, will finish Z tomorrow and be able to push it to the staging server for you to test!
*Client 15 hours later*
Client: I don't see it, where is it?
Me: It's not there yet, I need to finish Z first, it's right now on the development server, not the testing server
Client: Yes, but I don't see it?
...

git push it to the limit!

Get it?

Why is it that every code push to fix one bug makes 3 more 🙃

Coding without propper dev-ops:

These are the shittiest five lines I've ever read in my life!

Yeah, force push it to master!

If you can pick it up, it's a PC.
If you can't pick it up but you can push it over, it's a minicomputer.
But when you can't pick it up or knock it over, it's a mainframe.

Seriously!? You don't fucking delete or change code because you don't understand it and push it to production, it's the way it is because of reasons you airhead can't comprehend ... ffs the fucker could have asked me and saved us trouble and embarrassment.

Fuck.

I sometimes feel Windows keeps on pushing useless updates, just to mess with the users. Change a single line of code (or rather just add a comment) and push the entire module as new.

How can it be everytime I boot on my windows device, it has an update.

EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME.

Same goes for you steam.

I am a Full-Stack Developer and recently had a talk with my boss about how the push notifications work and he is pretty convinced that it has something to do with the IMEI number of the phone, he being a person with a non technical background makes it even more difficult for me to explain stuff to him :/

Well my home office is a proper mess currently. It isn't so much an office as a corner desk in the child's nursery, but house hunting went on hold.

It features the likes of my devrant ducky, crazy aarons thinking putty, a stuffed gnu, and a galileo thermometer among other paraphernalia; also a plastic goat that screams when I push down on it. That last one is a huge help to me these last few weeks.

Versioning is like fart. If you have to force to push it, it's probably shit.

Ref: Reddit

When your product owner tells you to forget about architecture and unit testing, "just push it out"...

senior dev cw: find this bug, would you?
me (20 mins later): found the bug, fixed, tested. btw it was bigger than we thought and affecting all users. shall I push?
cw: not yet, let me look into it.
(next week)
cw: find this (same) bug
me: -.-

Dev: "I've pushed some code. Give it a code review."
Me: "ok, i'll do it"
<<fast forward>>
Me: "Sounds good to me. Only thing, I wouldn't have gone for all those renames because that was not part of the request, maybe we can discuss ...."
Dev: "I like those names and besides, it's already deployed in production"
Me: " :| .... what's the purpose of a code review when you push straight into production ?

Look, i'm trying to do this 365 days of code and guess what? I forgot to push my local changes to the remote branch. I'm on my 43rd day streak and fuck it I have to start again.

What can you do with people using so many times git force push ...

* explain gently this is not necessary
* punch him/her everytime you see it
* other stuff that is not in the above list

Saw a classmate returning an plain text password from a function to try to push it in a JSON file for an API we have to build for class.

I try to correct him and show him a few things that are better practices and for security, I get yelled at and called a know-it-all for trying to help... I'm so done with people -.-

My colleague sends me an email saying “here’s a check not being performed which causes a bug can you fix this and push to production”
With a screenshot of the code and place it needs to happen underlined

ARE YOU kIDDING ME OH MY GOD

He doesn’t have time to write 10 characters but he has the time to make this work of art of an email and send it to me

my code is working, should i push it? 😱 or should i wait?

Almond: "This isn't right, we need to use <blah> instead"
Phil: <Marks as resolved>
Almond: "This still doesn't look to be resolved"
Phil: "IT IS RESOLVED IT WILL BE PUBLISHED AS PART OF MY NEXT COMMIT WHICH I WILL PUSH ON SCHEDULE LATER TODAY"

🙄
...yeah, that makes sense...

Stack overflow bots that will post vulnerable code snippets in the response section of popular questions and then upvote each others code and push it to the top.

When I completed the project but forgot to push it to GitHub repo.

literally nobody:
BSOD:

Now that github is also offering unlimited private repos to free users, I'm thinking of using it as a backup of my gitlab private repos.

Like pushing to a gitlab private repo auto push to a github private repo kind of workflow.

I will search how to do it online.
However it would be awesome if anyone with similar previous experience can share their wisdom here 😁

Me:
* Builds Project and Hosts it *
* thinking * : * ' I don't really need to push to Master, I'll just push it to the deployed branch *

Me: * tests project from host *

Me: * sees a bug, fixes it and rebuilds the project, hosts it and pushes code to deployed branch *

4Hrs Later:

Colleague: Dude did you see the Typos you made? Fix them!

Me: In my defence, I wrote this at 4am in the morning, did not sleep for 2 days.

Colleague: Don't Care, fix it.

Me: *Creates Hotfix Branch from Master*
* INSTALLS DEPENDANCIES AND FINDS OUT A NEW VERSION IS OUT AND UPDATES THAT AS WELL *
* Runs Project and finds out it's not the hosted version. *
* Merges Deployed Brunch to Hotfix Brunch and this happens *

Error Message: Unexpected token

620 Merge Conflicts

🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️

just quit my job, and the last push i do is changing all the literal string contained in variable and/or stdout to base64 encoded string. and change it to call my secretely placed decoder function.

Everything is working normally guys! *walks away into darkness*

Me: Is git male or female?
Friend: male.
Me: why?
Friend: it does all the pushing and pulling!
Me: Really? I think we push and pull into git.

the excitement you feel finishing a project way ahead of deadline for them to still not push it live 5 months later bc of copy tweaking

Fuck it! It works for now push it to prod! I’ve been here 12 hours!

There is this project where the develop branch is "discontinued" because this moron "finished" a feature that is all fucking broken and I could not figure out how to solve all those merge conflicts...

I just gave up and told my stupid boss who just nods and laughs at everything... If it ever comes up I'm gonna tell them to get the fucker to solve it.

So I'm developing a push-pullet application for elementary OS and it's called Eleanor, off hand mention the name to my partner and she says she understood what it was... Think I dodged a bullet with that one!

Day 1. Push branch. Make pull request😀
Day 5. Got reply to fix some silly stuff🤡
Day 6. Apply changes. Ask for review again.😊
Day 7. Needed to work for another project for two weeks🤝
Day 25. Came back and pull request and branch were deleted from server 🧐🧐
Day 26. I merge my local branch copy into master and push it to server. So long bitches! 💅💅

Commit and push to live site without testing on Friday and being super confident about it.

And the payment system stop working on the weekend

I didn't manage to win a Hacktoberfest 2020 shirt because I don't use GitHub anymore (and they require that apparently) - but I figured I might as well have a go at it.

echo "- an amazing project" >> README.md
git add devduck.png
git commit -m "update docs"
git push devrant feed

Pls like, comment, share, and subscrieb to CodeWithCondor for moar laif hakz :3

PM: Zip up the prototype and push it to a temporary folder on the master git repo.
Me: *twitch*

When you debug a project on someone else's computer, and then commit push, and the manager tells you that you dont have enough commits . Fuck it.

@dfox Would you make it possible to cluster push notifications that occur on the same post? When I receive a lot of notifs at once it clogs up my notification center.

Additionally would it be possible so that I can completely turn off seeing certain types of notifs even in the app not just for push notifications (from what I gather that is the only thing I have control over)

A rant from git,

Why do developers always PUSH and PULL me around. I mean they don't just do it once or twice. No they COMMIT to doing it over and over. I try to REBUILD myself, but it is hard getting pushed and pulled constantly. I don't know the ORIGIN of where it started, but gosh I wish the bullying never started!

A custom script that makes a Jira ticket, assigns it to me, marks it as in progress, check out a git branch, set the commit title and the Jira title to my command line argument…. Push, open a PR, and fuck it, merge that shit too.

I checked all the corporate boxes and you got the typo fixed.

It's a brand new year - and my first email comes in telling me the app is broken because they didn't receive any push notification (....no push notification was sent from them), the web cams don't work (....they've changed all the links to the webcams and now they're surprised it doesn't work in the app) and the app isn't available in France (the app is literally available in France).
Oh and if a user changes their font sizes in their mobile settings, it doesn't always look "very good" in the app.......

Fake sticker story time. It is fucking on fire. Then I press npm install twice. Forgot node modules in gitignore. Then got push to production served by Jenkins. Now get the fuck out of here.

PM: "Did you ever push changes for this one feature?" Me: "No. I haven't had time to even look at it. Everyone wants me to do stuff before my last day." PM: "okay so is it done yet or not?". If i haven't looked at it, if it's not pushed, HOW THE HELL WOULD IT BE DONE?!

Why does a "senior" developer have a git repo for a critical application that makes our company money, never push to it? I checked it today and it's empty.

I work with content. More specifically I work on content migration and improvement.

We connect to many platforms and pull and push documents into it. This one time we had to connect to some outrageously expensive (6 figures) system which we obviously couldn't afford to buy just for testing. The client wouldn't give us a testing server either.

My literal warning: "We need a testing server because we're gonna push it until it breaks. Then we know the limit." Client: "nah it will be fine." Us: "I promise you the server will go down..." Client: "It's a stable system. You can test in your own folder on our server"

10 minutes later we had an angry client because the server crashed due to overload.

I'm not sure if I'm annoyed or amused :p

Been coding with Vim for about half a hour, after I while I notice my pinky bulges, I push it off but...
Now, whenever I keep my fingers in a Vim-typing position the pinky bulges on it's own.

Don't try Vim kids, wrong for your health.

Today, a guy contacted me on upwork to fix his iOS game which was crashing.

So I asked him to put it on github so I can clone it and push the fixes.
For some reason he said it was not possible for him to put it on github,so he uploaded it on Dropbox and sent me the link.

How the fuck am I supposed to fix that 700mb project and send it back ? Again upload it on some cloud ?

AaaaGhhhh !!!!

When you have important not work related appointment, can't work late, suddenly tricky show stopper bug shows up, you have to do dirty hack in fifteen minutes, push to master, run out of work and hope it compiles and works and will be ready for deployement in the morning.

Make micro level Git commits and push. Don't delete your branch until it goes to prod. Never.

My first day of my internship. I was confident in my abilities to develop, but wow. I was totally put in place after the first day. I realized that I didn't know as much as I thought. Almost wanted to change career paths. I'm thankful for that day because it really made me push on and become a better person and programmer!

Our company recently moved to git and the number of people who do not understand basic git concepts like commit and push are too damn high! I don' get it, its a completely logical model, what is so hard to understand.

Do you think the keywords used by git (or other version control systems) are intuitive?

I'm talking to a very junior dev about git and I find myself having to explain around the fact that I don't feel the keywords are great. They are asking good questions like
* Why do you say "push the commit" but then say "make a pull request" - when I want to push why isn't it called a "push request"
* "Why are the metaphors sometimes related to trees (branches), sometimes roads (forks) but you still call it "master" instead of tree trunk or main road?
* Why do you call it "commit", what kind of commitment am I making?

Something to cheer you up mid-week:

> alias yolo='git commit -am "DEAL WITH IT" && git push -f origin master'

I found a great app on iOS that allowed me to clone my Git repo, make commits, change branches, it had everything! I made a small commit and went to push to the remote server, but then it told me that I had to purchase premium to be able to push to remote. I was kind of upset, but I went to check the price of premium, in case it was a few cents. Nope, $25 just to be able to push commits. Seriously? If I was at my computer I’d be able to do this for free.

So I was like "imma be smart with my internet security and put 2 factor on my GitHub" only to find out I'm getting authenticating errors on trying to push. Disabling 2FA makes it work again.

GitHub y u do dis D:

for the people saying they have devrant on the main screen or even to the once that have it in the quick actions (really nice idea) I raise you with this, I just have to push in the top left of my screen and it opens devrant.

When you start a project with random people and they have no idea how GitHub works, but still push new idiotic changes that make the app become slower and slowerevery hour it feels bad.
But when you ask them wtf are they doing and they answer 'Sorry, I don't understand you' it is an overkill. Wth?!

First rant here..

So earlier this week, on a php Laravel project, I created a set of nice new features.

The code is tested, locally all fine, I push to Github, circleCi kicks in and double checks myself, still everything green. (Just for a not, its a private project so only I work on it.)

I go ahead and merge, deploy to staging and continue on my next ticket, which is a very small one.

I call it the day, next day I pick back up where I left, test locally, all green, push... then circleCi says no.

I spend 2 days debugging, trying to figure out what is wrong without advance. I just push develop branch again, guess what also failing.

I leave it for the day as I already spend enough time on it.

This morning, I simply do a composer update, push and everything miraculously starts working.. even if there were no changes in the working branches.

Im so mad right now, and this is going in my "try this before you debug a ci" book..

I waste 50 minutes reading tutorials and StackOverflow answers just to configure to my Git and GitHub account so that I can push the main local branch to the main remote branch from my terminal, and I still can't do it.

Fml.

Bitbucket full of dicks!!!

Dude just pushed merge conflict comments!!! At first he was like I did not do it, so I was like git blame bitch! Now he is like it wasn't my fault so what I used force push!

Well that was it I will leave this unholy company!

lead dev: hey, I just committed but can't push

me: you need to add a remote repository, you don't have any yet

lead dev: what you mean by remote? 😕😕😕

me: explain what "push" does.

lead dev: ( with didn't get it expression ) hum...

me: (I think I'm in the wrong place) 😐😐😐😐

Whenever i see a door with Push sign, I Pull first to avoid conflicts...

Why fucking my coworker push not compilable code on master branch??

Ok we are developing it, no yet release but I can't compile it for my tests.

GDPR Emails - we will collect more data and this is the best chance for us to push it on you. Thanks GDPR...

There are people who push code to GitHub and there are people who just fork your code on GitHub, and that's it. They don't do anything else with it.

Fuck, wanted a year long streak on github but failed at 40 days.

I did code but just had no part finished so didn't commit.

I even have an alarm for committing ffs. I just snoozed it and was like I do it when I finished x. Forgot track of time like always with coding and found out four hours later.

Fuck. Back to one. I just start over, it shouldn't be that hard.

I should change my commit behavior to push if compiles instead of push after complete feature. So, I change the definition of achievement easier to achieve

160 Hours worth of work from the beginning of the month till today. i push my self a little bit to far. i hope off work till end of the month worth it.

Edited : 160 instead of 140

I'm down to write multi dimensional Git. I'm tired of losing the code that I wrote in my dream to go up in smoke every time when I woke up.
I just want to commit and push it to the dimension that I'm livin'. So that I'll have access to the code that I wrote in my dream.

Live deployment next week Monday but Product Owner really need this new fix in.

Can you code, push to test, test it, push to acceptance test, UAT it before Friday...

It's Wednesday today 😐

Project manager says ok 😱

I've said it before but for the sake of new devs, never ever force push to fucking master.

When your new feature works (and you installed a new package from Nuget) on your and your co-workers environments. And then you push to the build-QA-server and it breaks...

Why broken stuff is allowed through the door?

My Ubuntu, my Bluetooth headsets, Jira, my latest Google pixel, eCommerce shop where I purchase stuff everything lately seem to be full of bugs.

It seems like nobody cares about the quality of software pushed to production. Everyone is so quick to push those tickets into "released".

Fuck you, managers, shareholders, scrum masters, seniors who push developers to do stuff quickly rather than correctly.

Personal mini-project from a million years ago which I practically don't maintain anymore, broke. External APIs are being bitches.
Made a fix, but I'm too lazy to push. (I don't think anyone else is using it tbh)
Huehuehue.

"Sweet, I fixed story 1 and can commit! ...but issue 2 is pretty small, let me just work on that first so there's 1 pull request".

4 hours later, issue 2 not done yet, and I can't push push story 1 to QA until I finish it. I really need to stop doing that.

Me: I have very perfect reason why I did not come to work to day .
Client: Please state your reason .
Me: its silly I don't wanna talk about it.
Client: please do
Me: my index fingers are hurting
Client: why
Me: what do you mean why I was tying to git push heroku master
But every time some json dependency failed

Pm orders me to integrate data from several closed systems into a new CRM, problem is... corporate security won't allow me to push data between these networks as there are extremely sensitive data on these systems. So I disobey PM or corporate if I do it and ive told both the issues. 4th round with this exact issue now.

So, I turned on my old phone to transfer all my p̶o̶r̶n̶ photos, and it crashed from the notifications.

And I understand that it's an underpowered device and notifications aren't expected to come by the hundreds, but how terribly misdesigned must a pubsub system like Push be for the client to crash?

@dfox Wouldn't it be better if there were limited amount of push notifications if user haven't seen the previous ones yet? I commented on some popular rant and when I got to a stable connection, the phone vibrated like crazy for at least 15s :D It was awesome btw.

i get a lot of anxiety if i didn't push my code or save somewhere remote, especially if i make a lot of changes
is it just me?

Can't git push
because of an "access denied" error message
because I didn't set up my key file properly (with right paths, right format and so on)
because I'm working from my home laptop device
because I'm in home office
because Corona
..but..
I can connect to my work computer where git is set up properly but also I
can't git push
because I can't "cd" into the project path
because the samba mount point is messed up
because I don't reboot my machine to fix it
because I can't enter my password
because it does have a full hard drive encryption and the password screen shows up before the network services are started.

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it extremely satisfying completing a successful git push -u origin master?

That moment when a designer messes up their commit, sees it has conflicts and still decides to push...
Just leave..

I had a small .NET PoC project I wanted to upload to our git server. So added the project to version control using Visual Studio, meaning that VS created a local repository for it. Then I wanted to push it to the remote repository which were created by my colleague. This one was initialized with a commit (.gitignore and Readme.md), so I couldn't push directly. Googled a bit, OK then tried to fetch the remote repo, didn't help. Googled again, tried some "git push origin master whatever" stuff and then rebate, because nothing seemed to help.
OOPS where are my local files? WTF? 😣

Long story short: Experience in other version control systems is not enough or even dangerous when switching over to git. 😂

I'll probably start my startup in Italy next January.
It won't even be related to technology, but I hope it will do well.
It will be a second-job, so not much time, but I'm gonna push into it all I have to make it works as well as possible

You know when you are suddenly push to a new position that you are not familiar with?

Well I just became a server database/cloud expert. Fuck me.

Been Googling for a while now. If anyone has any advice, I'll appreciate it.

Anything free and open source, even better.

Co-worker: Please finish and push your frontend asap, I need that to start working on the backend.
Me: Why aren't you using Postman?
Cw: I don't like it.

I've got a kinda basic networking question I can't quite figure out

How does a push notification work?

Like, on an Android app. A good example is an authenticator. Say I don't login to the service for 4 months.

Then, one day, I try to log into the web portal and it prompts me to accept the request on my authenticator app on my phone.

Immediately, there's a push notification on my phone.

Wtf.

Is there a socket open for 4 months? Does it send requests every few seconds for 4 months? I can't imagine that either of these options scale whatsoever: both horrendously waste bandwidth and server connections.

How the fuck does it work? I don't even have the first idea.

What makes you nervous no matter how many times you do it?

- Job Interviews and 'git push' at times

TGIF & remember..

DO NO FUCKING PUSH TO PRODUCTION TODAY!
DO NOT FUCKING RELEASE A NEW VERSION OF THE CLIENT APP!
FUCK!!
have a nice weekend partners 🤗

How do you guys push changes to you server. ?

I am currently pushing changes to my git repo then pulling those changes on server where I am running the application in production.

I am planning to set up a simple server, to which I will push the changes and it push the changes to the server's running in production.
Or better would be to write a script and run on production servers that will check github for changes

My Friday Developer Jam:

Push it by Salt-N-Pepa

Hey DevRant, this is my first time working collaboratively on a project with Git and I'd like to know what's the best strategy to adopt.

Is it that every member has their own branch on origin that they push to, then we meet and plan out merges when it's time to release? Or does everyone just push to master, but stash or commit their local changes before they pull?

It's a Greenfield project, with just a bare repository on the central server. It's an MVC app where I've decided to do the View & Controller portions and the other person is doing Models and data services layers.

Git push is now followed with a tab of GitHub.audio and waiting to see it show up and ping. I'm lonely.

Well I was not actually in this meeting but I had to prepare everything so the CEO could show the new software to the employees and when I saw him clicking on stuff and it wasn't working... I was like: it works on my machine! After a little while I found out that I didnt push it to demo so it was still not updated..
Oh that embarrassing moment when I had to go to the room and say: refresh the page please!!

I just got out of the office late and in a hurry to catch the train. I was in the zone dude, I was in it. I made an huge maintainability improvement on a framework I've worked on during the last year.

I fucking forgot to push and I'm in data corruption/laptop thievery anxiety 😥😥😥😥

when you script git commands to push with the message "bug fixes" because you're tired of doing it by hand

The development life cycle when taking over a project is much like that of a slightly retarded wizards first steps into utilizing the powers of the dark forces.

CONFUSION => CLARITY => FAILURE => CONFUSION => CONFUSION => BROKEN KEYBOARD => CONFUSION => UNKNOWN MAGIC => SUCCESS => CONFUSION => BORED OF THIS IT FUCKING WORKS => PUSH => SHUTDOWN

I feel like Git could have come up with a better name than "force push".

It just doesn't seem right... If your codebase doesn't want your commitment, you really shouldn't force yourself on them. No means no god dammit!

I don't get why this retard keeps ignoring my comments on a PR he asked me to review. He is a level above me so I can't push it. I just approve his PR and let him know I do so but with a comment. He then ignores the comments and merges his rubbish changes into the codebase thereby creating a tech debt.

Not sure what's better on Friday:

Fix the bugs and push it to prod so manager will be happy.

Or sit there like a dumb fuck and wait for Monday before touching the code

I wish we could stop to push candidates to do TDD or even asking questions about it during interview. This thing is a lie, has always been and will ever be. It is cool for small coding exercises but nothing else.
Let’s stop gatekeeping with stupid concepts.

- never push to prod on friday or before lunch time
- doublecheck fucking everything
- test your code before and also after you push it
- you remember yesterday your colleague/boss/pm told you his part will be done by now? well guess what, its not! it never will be...

Is it good or bad that I forgot to push an critical buggfix to production just before I went home?

Hopefully I can update from home (think one of our servers has an backup of the ssh keys)

Now that I finally have a proper git server setup with gitea, I can't stop using it, it's so fucking handy being able to just pull the changes to my laptop before leaving in half a second, then working offline with laradock and once home push it to my server, to then continue where I left off on my pc.

I want you to make that dream become a reality, because if you don't, you will be working for somebody else to make their dreams become a reality.

Listen to me, if it was easy, everybody would do it. There are people right now who are working who don't want to work. There are people who hate their jobs, but they keep getting up to do it.

I'm here to tell you, number one, that most of you say you wanna be successful but you don't want it bad, you just kinda want it. You don't want it badder than you wanna party. You don't want it as much as you wanna be cool.

So what I'm telling you is, when you want something bad you can't count the cost. Because if you count the cost and you see how much it costs. You might quit, you might give up. So you gotta go in knowing that I don't count the cost.

You just do whatever it takes, to get whatever you want! Boom! 👊 😎 👍

How the fuck can I get npm@5 to show me everything it just installed when I type `npm install`?

Was this because some twat wanted to push the idiotic idea that it's perfectly acceptable for js projects to rely on three million two line hipster.js libraries?

Fuck everything about the node ecosystem.

VP last week: No you can't have that equipment that fakes out the gps. It's very expensive and not in the budget. Just run valgrind and push your code so we can deploy it.
VP in today's all hands: Guys, if you need test equipment, come ask for it and we'll get you what you need. Not having equipment is not a valid excuse for skipping integration testing.

It makes my blood boil when my colleagues (who have been here for ages) know that maintaining dependencies in code is important but don't even action it because they give the excuse of having no time or the pressure of finishing it on time.

It angers me that I'm now in .dll hell and they don't even consider the time or push a valid case to fix the issue. It also frustrates me as I've realised that they have grown complacent/indifferent, not even attempting to change it.

Me: Let's create a project!
* writes initial code *
Homework: Fuck you, complete me first.
* completes homework *
Me: Let's push it to GitHub and NPM!
School: You will do that tommorow's afternoon, now go to shower.
* writes this rant *
btw a project is upcoming, it's not a web app, but it has regexp

It's such a weird thing to require a friggin macbook to compile and push applications onto an iphone. Even more strange is that you need a developer license, which in itself costs 99USD.

I understand that it kinda is more secure, but i don't even mean to push an app onto the store, i just want to test stuff.

Currently trying to set up a macOS VM on my work laptop that inturn will connect to the iphone over iTunes (?). Hopefully that'll work out somehow.

My goal is to get an AR Kit application from Unity3D working on that device to test out if everything works, and then go from that. But even Unity only just generates an XCode Project, which inturn needs to be submitted to XCode, which then inturn will be compiled etc.

I don't get it.

Who around here is saying the looovveeeee mobile development? EVERYTIME i come back to it, it's just cert nightmare - you need a provisioning profile this, distribution cert that, your profile has to INCLUDE the cert, on and on and on. god i hate it

Wanna know how I do it with web?

git push

When you made a project deployed it and everything works fine, you feel something is left ,you make some changes and push it on ............ now the application error reflects on your screen and you think to revert the commit but before reverting the judge comes to your table.
Experienced this at my first hackathon.