CTO: We can't keep getting egg on our face letting these simple mistakes through. We value your expertise, please speak up.
QA: This looks fucky, should it look this fucky?
*crickets*
Dev: That is dangerously fucky.
QA: Ticket time.
PM: Hey Dev, I know it's not your AOE, but I need to assign it, and you spoke on it so here's your ticket.
Dev: *dies inside*

How long? Be optimistic.

Just had a fire at work.
git add, git commit, git push.

No one was hurt. But, the fire was in a server room and the git server is down. At least the halon deployed successfully.

The off site backup should be up in 20 mins. I wonder how often they pull the repo.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb couldn't get their shit together for 3 months, but their bit is in order now. Will you work the weekend for free to make up the the schedule?

Manager: This spec is due by cob, please answer ASAP. What bitrates do we support for png?
Me: 0. We support a bitrate of 0.

After seeing it in a demo, the customer didn't like their first loading gif and they sent another one.
I go to open it to verify it's good and Gimp won't open it; Chrome, Firefox, IE, even MS Paint fails miserably. Eventually I ran file on it and it's an html doc.
So I changed the extension and loaded it up. He saved his slack window as a gif.

VP last week: No you can't have that equipment that fakes out the gps. It's very expensive and not in the budget. Just run valgrind and push your code so we can deploy it.
VP in today's all hands: Guys, if you need test equipment, come ask for it and we'll get you what you need. Not having equipment is not a valid excuse for skipping integration testing.