Every time I hear my boss say "surely it can't be that hard" or "that's what, like a 5 minute job?"
*shudder*

It makes me shudder when clients use "pages" to describe a website project and its size.

PM: Zip up the prototype and push it to a temporary folder on the master git repo.
Me: *twitch*

Hitting a really deep, deep low in the manic-depressive roller-coaster of the development cycle:

There comes the crunch time. No meeting goes by hearing the odious: "We don't have time for that." - One critical component needs to be finished for Big Sur and instead of addressing the real issues we keep changing design and goal. One main dev already gave up fighting the PO and team lead(!) - and now I'm next. So that dev build this really clean and minimal library as the core part. But now it's just like, yeah, take that nice Porsche engine put it on the old rusty bicycle from the shed,.. but maybe because that's so shitty we need that specially formed exhaust pipe to tune it. Yeah, very 'agile' - Only thinking about it makes me shudder in disbelief and anger. I shouldn't take that shit so serious, be emotional about shit code, I know, but I can't. Let them drive some rounds around the block, if it runs at all,.. because until now we still didn't make it run on the fuckin' street. It's all so insane. Will make some nice fireball, when it goes up in flames.

Well, I have been part of quite some shitty projects. Real suicide commandos set out to fail, and somehow stood them through or made it even "work" though it should never have. But what enrages me here is, that it needn't to be that way. We had plenty of time. Our team was often rowing along in good rhythm. And now I just feel drowned in resignation and sarcasm.

I discovered a commit message from one of my (senior) colleagues today. It made me shudder. It read, 'Just adding some changes made outside of source control and deployed (over last 12 months)'.

I genuinely think he can't follow any processes he didn't design. He controls the servers too, so it's not like any pipeline would prevent him from just doing what he wants. It's a bit scary to be honest, he thinks MD5 is a secure password hash!

I hated lotusnotes until we upgraded to Outlook, pretty sure there was an office-wide case of Stockholm syndrome for at least a week...

Also Microsoft Communicator, flashbacks to MSN messenger and the most infuriating shortcuts. *shudder*

This is my most awkward interview experience. I still shudder just thinking about what happened

When I was in uni I applied for a ‘student ambassador’ role at Microsoft. I went to the interview and it turned out to be group interview with at least 10 other people, we all get taken to a room where we sit around a table with the interviewer. She was friendly and asked us each to introduce ourselves and talk about a talent we have.

When my turn comes I introduced myself and revealed that my ‘talent’ was that I can rap, this is where I fucked up because the interviewer then asked me to rap a song in front of the whole group.

I got very nervous but still gave it a shot, midway through my song due to my nerves I forget the lyrics, a complete brain fart. I abruptly stop rapping and everyone is staring at me, it’s pin drop silence for a good 10 seconds

The interviewer then says thanks for trying and the rest of it is really a blur. I think everyone in the room was embarrassed alongside me so we all pretended like that did not just happen. Needless to say I didn’t get the job

Conversation with fellow dev this morning:

Him: What are the chances of putting an API for this in to staging?

Me: I'm working on it now.

Him: Good stuff, so if I check this other one, it should go through?

Me: Yes, it should.

Him: I'll test it now, because "should" === "shudder"

Me: "should" == "shudder", but "should" !== "shudder" 😉

Him: Shud up 😆

Built the most generic file importer.
So a customer had his SAP system giving us some 5 million barcodes in a csv which we needed to parse. But as there could be different file types and I thought the handling would always include the same steps I made them configurable through function pointers. - Did not want to make it as spooky as the rest of the code base where the function pointers were buried deep in some shared memory configs, which might even change at run time, but rather I statically used the member functions of my class. Just to poke fun on the ugly C++ syntax of member function pointers. I still shudder at the thought some poor soul now has to maintain that code.
(For the actual parsing I actually used a one liner in awk which was churning through the records in one minute which was faster than the SAP guys seemed to be accustomed to.)