Client: I love the site and will sign your contract today. I'll even give you a bonus since you got it done early. Can you put it up there this evening?

Me: I'm so glad that you liked it. I'll bring a condom with me all filled out and ready to go so we can push it up there.

Me: Contract. Damned phone

Client: please leave the condom at home

What's your worst autocorrect with a client?

The inventor of autocorrect has died.

Restaurant in Peace

Web devs are like autocorrect:
- You're needed but never told you are
- You're great at your job, but everyone complains about your few faults
- You learn more as you work with the client
- You improve little by little every day
- Your buttons are pushed a lot
- You use new technologies when you can

The Power of Autocorrect

Writing an important update email to a very strict senior manager named Denis, with whom the previous encounters were also uncomfortable.

About to click send, but thought to read it once.
Imagine what autocorrect did...

D became P

I conclude it was a lucky day.

stupid ios autocorrect, how does gpu autocorrect to fountain?

The man who invented autocorrect should burn in hello

devRant has corrupted my autocorrect dictionary 😂😂😂😂😂

My phone autocorrect "Netbeans" to "Jetbrains". Was frustrating on the moment, but in the end I feel okay with that

Damn autocorrect.

Accidentally proposing to your colleagues when autocorrect corrects mariadb to married and you end up with:

"As long as we can get married on it, it's fine"

Instead of

"As long as we can get mariadb on it, it's fine"

There is always that little typo you notice only when it's too late to modify you're rant.

I only listen to -
Linking park
LinkedIn Park
Linked Park

Damn autocorrect .....

PSA: Read your mails before sending them, because some shitty versions of autocorrect like to translate "docs" into "dicks".

What the hell @Apple
I know autocorrect / suggestions is getting worse every day but this doesn’t even remotely come close ☠️

German autocorrect always changes "git" to "gut" (good). Lead to some funny moments. (Translation) "Clone the good stuff" or "There is nothing better then gut"

I GOT A PROPER DEV ROLE!!

The days of bemoaning the quality of devs on a product and logging tickets that never get addressed are coming to an end!

Edited: autocorrect changed it to "loving", somewhat optimistically

Grammarly just found and corrected an embarrassing mistake in a legal document...

My typo was "onimated"...

Googles spelling and grammar changed it to "dominated"...

Grammarly figured out it should have been "nominated".

Story time!

About seven years ago, I was in high school and had friends who kinda rocked with computers. I mean, they knew how to build one, how to make cross tests to find what was wrong with one, which softwares to install to detect viruses, etc. Once, I was with one of these friends, A, when another friend, G, came to us to explain his problem: his computer didn't turn on anymore. He said that he opened the computer, took off the RAM, that let the computer start once, but when he switched off again he wouldn't start anymore.

I was just a silent witness, and A started to ask G how it did happen. "Oh, I was downloading an Allopass generator, when my computer froze."
I smiled.
"But where on hell did you download that? So we can try to find exactly what virus you downloaded! " "Actually", said G, "I was on a streaming site at first, then saw an, then another, and after a dozen sites I found this soft..."
"But", A couldn't believe it, "you don't have antivirus or anything that would have told you not to download it?"
"Oh, it tried, but I reaaaaaally wanted this software. So I shut down it and managed to download it."

I burst in laugh. At the same time I was feeling bad for this poor computer. What amazed me it that not once during the process, G thought it was a bad idea to download an Allopass generator found in an ad that even his antivirus told him it was dangerous.

Nice ending, A took the computer, and managed to make it work again. He even managed to keep important stuff that wasn't destroyed by the virus. G got a little lesson by A, then got yelled at by his parents, because the computer was in fact theirs.

Thanks for reading, and sorry if there's any mistake (grammar, punctuation, etc.), I am on my phone with autocorrect set on french. Have a nice day!

Ya know it's funny. For being derived from a computer, autocorrect doesn't seem to know a single fucking word related to technology.

You know you're a programmer when you type git instead of gut (good in German) and autocorrect thinks it's ok...

Today’s achievement: my phone didn’t autocorrect ‘fucking’ to ‘ducking’.

Clearly it’s as pissed off as I am about receiving shitty emails from the other team manager in my dept giving me and my team work to do and throwing us under the bus when he does jack shit all day except read BBC news and go on Facebook. On the odd occasion he does actually do work, it’s not good work, it’s riddled with bugs because he’s ‘too senior to need a code peer review’. Such a fucktard...

Oh, and the work he’s asked us to do technically sits in his team so I’ll be firing that straight back at him 😁

I’m all for being a team player and helping each other but I’m going to protect my team over helping someone. The gloves are about to come off....

Lemon juice
Water
Vodka
Limoncello
Splash of gin (I used Bombay)
Sugar/replacement to taste
Ice

Tastes like traditional lemonade, but this one is a great remedy for burnout/reality.

Highly recommend!

You know how I know DevRant is full of real devs? Your spelling and grammar is absolutely atrocious. Seriously, you've got autocorrect, just use it.

Iphone autocorrect is truly revolutionary. I truly need these super common words to constantly be changed to complete nonsense.

"in" to "inn"
"an" to "available"
"do" to "doo" or "dou"
"and" to "abs", "ABCs"
Many, many others.

It took over 20 corrections to complete this simple thought.

Soft locks several times a week so I have to hard restart it in the middle of doing things.

$3500 for a VR headset? Where do I sign up?

Don't give your phone to parents....

Autocorrect may screw you 😂😂

Confirmed: Atom/GitHub doesn't like Stackoverflow!

Hardest part about studying for itil is idgaff. I want to start CISSP and CCNA. Also, someone is in "my" spot in the library, so I'm thrown off

Fucking fuck fuckity keyboard autocorrect on windows (and on osx): NO FUCKING THANK YOU, FUCK OFF, STOP FUCKING AROUND WHILE I WRITE

I turned off fucking autocorrection on windows 10, I write an email in french, and every word that has a similar spelling in english gets autocorrected FUCK YOU OUTLOOK, FUCKING RESPECT MY FUCKING SETTINGS, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CODED SHIT PILE OF SHITWARE

So much time lost correcting and recorrecting.

Oh, also: a phone is a fucking phone, a computer is a fucking computer, not the same device, not the same behaviours, fucking get that you fucking companies

Autocorrect is my worst enema

You know you do too much python when this comes up in word recommendations

Fuck why is there no dedicated button to turn autocorrect on and off, that would be so useful, because I actually typo a lot on mobile, but the learning of it is trash, so for basic devrant stuff it's fine, but anywhere else it doesnt know what to do

Any possibility of adding an edit button to devrant? It's sad to a s
Good rant/comment ruined by typos and autocorrect fails.

Fuck you, autocorrect.

If I type the same thing, the exact god damn same cunting thing, multiple times will you just fucking accept that I am actually intending to write that word and move on?!

You fucking cunt!

I swear, 90% of the times I edit a message after posting, I'm turning "your" to "you're" and the other way around.

Occasionally have to edit typos that autocorrect has adapted to for some reason.

Dear Hipchat, if you are going to implement an Autocorrect Feature, LEARN THE FN TECH LANGUAGE

if i type gradle i do not mean grade
if i type coap, i do not mean soap
if i type mqtt i do not mean mitt
and for f-shake hipchat is not "hip chat", how do you even mess that one up!

(feature now disabled)

Stupid autocorrect makes devrant servant..

I hate the new android update. Cause my phone is even more Google, than it was before. Since I like some services they offer I wouldn't complain. But they are going way to far... For instance I now have a Google keyboard and it is actually pretty good in suggesting words, but sometimes it just autocorrects my text and swaps words I wrote.
Like:

'Hey, you don't know as good what you wanted to write as I do. Let me correct that for you!'

Just let me type my own thoughts, you smart bitch of a software. And also fuck you.

So apparently C# even adds punctuation for you?!?

Guess it's time to ditch ProtonMail as well.

Translation: "[Update Google play services.] ProtonMail won't work until you have updated Google Play Services."

I know I'm almost an anti-Google nazi at this point, but ProtonMail was one of the only remaining apps not needing Google to work, and now it's a "sin equa non" condition. I'm very disappointed. Guess I'll have to switch this address to Tutanota or host my own email server.

Edit: why the fuck would my autocorrect capitalize nazi?

OMG @dfox! Thank you for adding the modify! I can finally fix that pesky autocorrect from 3 months ago

Haha jk, 5 minute rule. Can't Heil Hitler all my posts...

The moment when your phone tries to correct "got" or "get" into "git", then you've been working too much...

You know you're talking about something too much when your keyboard will autocorrect 'fucking' with 'fuchsia' .-.

2009: "this Autocorrect feature will guess all your mistakes and correct them."
2019: *has to guess what autocorrect might messed everywhere*

Anyone know a good android keyboard for people who don't want any autocorrect?

Gboard has an empty top row wasting screen space if you disable suggestions. AnySoftKeyboard seems pretty slow. At the moment I'm using Chrooma, but its backspace has really annoying bugs.

What I'd really love would be a keyboard with macro functionality and where you could configure your own layout. But I guess that doesn't exist :/

Everybody's true friend: Mr. Autocorrect

Everyone loves autocorrect until is starts bothering you.

Asked Google about joining two collections in backbonejs.
Google autocorrect changed to Backbone Joint Pain.

sigh!!

When you new to devrant (and your autocorrect keeps changing it to servant) and you don't know how to edit your first post (add more tags)

Samsung Keyboard is utter shit.
GBoard (Google Keyboard) is like a ray of sunshine in comparison.

The Samsung keyboard actually changes whole words to completely different words. It even replaces words with misspellings. No, these were not words I had misspelled before. Tried to turn off autocorrect and keep suggestions. They are the SAME setting. Like if you are going to make a shitty ass version of the GBoard, at least keep the same ability to tweak settings.

In contrast I installed GBoard and was able to disable JUST autocorrect and keep suggestions.

Just like most Samsung apps Samsung Keyboard is utter shit.

FUCK YOU SAMSUNG!

Fucking Browser autocorrect!

You type the same address a hundred times, every time hoping it’ll guess the address after the first.... second..... third.... character. No, it shows you a similarly named site that you went on months ago. End up having to type most of the domain name before it catches it.

Then, one day, you hastily mis-spell the address and press enter, now autocorrect keeps fucking directing you to there!!

when github autocorrects my pull request message that contains the word splunk.
(or when devrant also decides to)

Arrgh. The web interface for DevRant sucks, so I post using my phone.

Why do I always notice the auto-correct generated mistakes after it's too late to fix them?

Why is there a time limit to edit my posts?

Is it just me that think it's hilarious that 'devops' autocorrects to Devils – with a capital D an all?

Am I the only one that is very neutral while learning a new language or framework or whatever it may be? Like cause you have to go through the basics and you’re basically stuck copying what the tutorial, book, video, whatever source tells you to do and the best you can FUCKING do is change a few things. I love learning new stuff don’t get me wrong I love adding tools to my arsenal.

I just don’t know what else I could try to do because it’s new ground but I want to acknowledge I’m learning it by making my own small basic program with what I’ve been showed but there’s not enough to do different stuff and I have to go back to the tutorials and copying and I feel like I’m learning NOTHING it’s just a annoying feeling for me personally idk if anyone feels the same. Am I crazy? Or am I just doing something wrong?

Also to clarify the all caps “FUCKING” was because my phone changed it to ducking and I wanted to make sure autocorrect knew I meant what I meant.

Reading documentation for 3rd party software... come across a code snippet which references a class. The class is spelt correctly in the comment but wrong in the code!

What??? Surely if you're going to get it wrong it would be the other way round :/

my buddy needs to wake up properly... or stop using autocorrect

!dev

I used to like apples Autocorrect. I use the english and german keyboard.
but since my main language is english and I only write german when chatting with my family, sometimes I'm too lazy to switch keyboards.
Now the german and english corrections kinda got messed up.
it started to correct my intentions like:
Such - Sich
Nein - Nine
Dich - Dick
Gut - But
Fuck - Duck (don't know where that came from)
...

which can lead to unfortunate sentences.
So I decided to disable auto correct about a week ago.

What I realized is.. it's fucking impossible to type precise on a fucking smartphone without it.
even this rant took me about 10min to write..

Guess what i just did. I shorted the entire fucking building. And all I was gonna do was install a couple of lamps. Fuuck. I'm never ever again going to do anything even remotely electrical at work without consulting a technician first ever again. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm so fucking unlucky.

And this fuxking keyboard that fuxking doesn't autocorrect fuxk. Fuxk. I seriously can't write fuck without really thinking about where I put my fingers. Fuxm.

Edit feature has* arrived, now I can fix my spelling instead of replying and ragging about autocorrect!

Every time I see the word "duck" here, I wonder if it's autocorrect...

Stop debugging you motherduckers!

Autocorrect

Quack quack, I'm a duck.
And it makes me wanna quack.

Btw why did autocorrect correct "duck" to "fuck" twice?

Tried ranting about Javascript on my mobile keyboard. Typing an exclimation mark automatically put it at the end of the last word regardless of how many times I erased it. Wtf.... Did you just assume my context?

Boss: this can't ever be the production version of the server
Emp: actually, it can be
Boss: that's what I mean, this will literally be the production version

SWIFTKEY. WHY DO YOU AUTOCORRECT SUCKS TO DUCKS?!?

When Collections.stream() and I became friends.

Edit.. fkin autocorrect. Not sort but stream =D