HR: We have received complain that you have been sexually harassing an intern.
Me: No, I wasn’t. Me and the new intern all we talk about is Coding, Apps, and TV-Series
HR: You are lying. I have the words that you said to the intern. Do you want me to read it out.
Me: I have no clue what I said to the intern so please read it out.
HR: You said, “Always pull before you push”. Do you remember saying this?
Me: Yes, I was teaching the intern how to use GIT.
HR: Okay, let me call the intern and let see if he says the same.

** Intern **
HR: Was he sexually harassing you today at any time.
Intern: No
HR: Did he said, “Pull before you push” to you?
Intern: Yes
HR: What does that mean, sounds like a slang for something sexual.
Intern: haha, no it means that I should pull the changes made to the files before I can push the changes I did to the code from my computer.
HR: But he said something else like he was teaching you how to use GIT
Intern: Yes, that’s what GIT is.
HR: Okay both of you can go and don’t use this type of terms in the future it doesn’t make good working culture.

  • 127
    In my language push also means shove.. and I'm responsible to push all the code to production... Well.. you can imagine how many times a day ppl tell me to... Nvm.😳
  • 94
    Another case of HR being utterly paranoid and so completely out of touch with their actual staff. And people wonder why they are generally viewed with such contempt.

    Instead of being so automatically defensive, how about actually saying to someone who'd know "That sounds a bit odd to me. What does it mean?" Then you'd save all that embarrassment.
  • 79
    "Don't use this type of terms in the future" What the, fuck are you supposed to say!? I am pretty sure the phrase "Have you pulled/pushed" gets used hourly at my work. Fucken retarded obtrusive guttermind
  • 12
    @RStrydom That's the thing. What the fuck am I am suppose to use instead of pull and push terms. Fucking fuck
  • 45
    Don't forget to withdraw the code before depositing it.

    I see no problem with that.

  • 37
    @Strannch 😂 just don't teach them about giving you a database dump or reseeding a table
  • 1
    @Strannch sounds good. Thanks
  • 6
    I guess you could use aliases so you wouldn't have to type push or pull either

    ...If we're going all the way with this 😂
  • 10
    I would try to stop saying it for a few days, but put some documentation on the wall for everyone to see, like this one. And if he still complains, point him to the official documentation
  • 31
    HR - Human Retards

    Also known as the people who are bad at math and incapable of logical thinking but still want to enjoy the privileges of the High-Tech world so they made up this weird profession and convinced everybody that they are necessary in the business.
  • 1
    @Noob haha that's a true thing bro.
  • 12
    When I started here, during orientation HR was talking about stuff including dress code (which includes not wearing shoes that light up... Lol) about how dress code can change. In fact one time they had a complaint and the complaint said something about why did they care what kind of underwear they wore and after talking to the person, the person was like yes, it says "no thongs"... When written they meant flip flops and she took it as underwear. Lol
  • 4
    What is happening in this world. How come these people get hired for their posts?!
  • 4
    @rtannerf No one is allowed to extract the contents of my zip file without my SSH key.
  • 0
    @Anu-cool-007 I have no fucken idea.
  • 1
    For the love of god. 😤
  • 14
    I was reading your story initially and it reminded me of when I left my pc open (I had just spilt coffee on myself and had to run to the kitchen) and someone put porn on and thought it was funny to make my wallpaper some sleazy image too.

    Got called in and HR told me that I'm getting suspended. Told HR it wasn't me, HR told me I'm lying. I brought video evidence, HR still told me I'm lying. HR said don't let it happen again, didn't get suspended.

    Ever fuck with an angry systems administrator? Well, I'll leave it up to imagination as to what I did. Probably would have gotten fired if someone had found out. Was in a state and didn't care at that moment. Young and stupid.

    Git push, git pull - is someone looking at yer tool.
    A modicum or jargon, your HR should learn, or else git commit will sound like 'your asshole is going to burn' (to her).
  • 16
    And here i am in a tiny team where we basically spout dirty words to anyone but costumers and act as if anything we say is also a sexual induendo even to interns. We usually tell them the first few days that if they don't like it they can opt out and we won't do it against them specifically. So it's not really hurting anyone.

    Normal conversation:
    A: Have you pushed and pulled?
    B: I pushed and pulled your mom yesterday ifyouknowwhatimean lennyface
    A: awww you son of a bitch, well my mom had chances since yesterday so pull again you dick.
    B: it's probably the herpes spreading!

    Other example:
    A: (before pulling intern work) hey if your code is in an unworkable state on the main repo branch right now you are going to have to suck a lot of dick to make up for it!
    B: lemme double check ("._.)
    A: Good call!

    We have yet to recieve complaints and even female interns like to mingle, although we don't make too harsh a comments on them. It's usually all guy talk.
  • 2
    @ragnarr023 I feel sorry for you.
  • 3
  • 1
    @PoweredByCoffee me too, we get by!
  • 1
    @ironedr no. He was so far up the director's rear-end that he was let off with a nonformal verbal warning.
  • 2
    Stupid sexy Flanders...
  • 0
    Totally made up, but funny though :)
  • 2
    Hope their task manager tools aren't grunt or gulp!
  • 1
    I don't buy it.
  • 2
    I literally just yelled out "What the fuck" over this exchange. Freaking HR, man...
  • 6
    You should complain about doors, too. They have push and pull clearly written on them. I find that offensive
  • 4
    Sounds like your HR is bored.
  • 3
    Wow. Why was HR even bothering you about it and why were they combing over your chat logs? You should ask them why they are harassing you. Lol
  • 4
    Alias git pull = flick the clit
    Alias git push = put your dick in it
  • 1
    What a moron...
  • 3
    @nachocode Next thing you should do is teach the intern gulp and talk about 'piping'
  • 1
    My new favorite rant 😂
  • 1
    Wow 😂
  • 2
    @error503 instead of saying push or pull just continuously say 'fuck hr' and see how that works out. Might be confusing but worth it.
  • 0
    @adammoisa fuck HR in indeed
  • 2
    @error503 maybe push = fuck-in HR and pull is fuck-out HR

    Sounds much more pc than that awful push pull street talk.
  • 1
    Sooooo funny!!!!!
  • 1
    I wish you all the best in a new company :P

    Have all the ++ for a stress ball!
  • 2
    @antonis179 I need a gun.
  • 2
    "Kill it..." (context: the process)
  • 4
    ...and in some cases you also have to do a "penetration test"
  • 1
    @alzuin thank god I have never used penetration word in the office.
  • 2
  • 3
    At "you are lying" I'd freak out so hard, the CEO would want a Word with that HR cunt
  • 0
    @error503 Did HR remove the Pull and Push signs from the doors too?
  • 0
    @puppetmupp we don't have push and pull signs in the door.
  • 0
    hr’s being to sensitive as always
  • 0
    Who complained then? HRs are spying on you?
  • 0
    I got reprimanded once because I persisted in refering to the (scrum) standup as "the erect".
  • 0
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