There was a problem with a server we were staging on, and I was providing DevOps help remote.

As a joke I said, "haha if you run `sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root` everything will be fixed!"

They ran it. RIP server-kun 2016-2018 💨

I had to go help marketing with a website UI issue today:

Me: What version of IE are you using?
Her: Oh my god! Did you say virgin?
Me: No, "Version".
Her: Hahaha you guys I thought he asked what virgin am I using!
*room erupts into laughter*

WTF is this high school?

Hi sir i have a problem can you please teamview in and help

Me: sure no problem
Login....

Are you there ....
Hello whats the problem

40min later
Sorry i went out for lunch

😤😤😤😤😤

IT: Hi, how can I help?
User: Hi, I can't get onto the wifi / internet, my computer says "No Signal".

IT: Hm, we don't have wifi, your on a cable, what exactly is saying no signal?
User: Its just on the screen here.

IT: No but where, are you inside a browser, or is it a popup down the bottom corner?
User: No I haven't got that far yet, it just says no signal on a black screen, then it flashes and says no signal in another position.

IT: ...... did you turn on your computer after turning on the monitor ... thats the screen saying no signal from the computer.
User: ah yep, thats it, thanks!

My coworker insists that:
if (x == true)

Is better than:
if (x)

I'm losing my mind.
Send Help.

Lady calls me asking for help with her website.

First thing she does is trash all FIVE of her previous developers for "never completing the project."

No, thank you. Take your crazy somewhere else. Buhbye.

Company: "We'd like to use SQL Server Enterprise" MS: "That'll be a quarter million dollars + $20K/month" Company: "Ok!" ... Company: "We'd like to use Babel" Babel: "Ok! npm i babel --save" Company: "Cool" Babel: "Would you like to help contribute financially?" Company: "lol no"

Working 160 hours of overtime in one month in order to help out our biggest client, and getting told only afterwards that company policy limits overtime compensation to 40 hours a month... My boss saw how much effort I was putting in, and could have warned me, but no...

PROBLEM: A tickets' company came to us last autumn. They said they have severe performance problems and asked us to help.
SOLUTION: covid and quarantines. All events have been ceased, noone's buying any tickets any more. Performance problems are no more. FIXED.

PROBLEM: Another company came to us recently. They said they have severe performance problems with their huge databases and asked us to help.
SOLUTION: a few days of heavy rain and their datacenter was flooded. along with the backup servers. No more data, no more performance problems with large databases. FIXED

Solving problems genie style!

Who's next?

My friend called me for help with her CSS. I was like no problem go to Teamviewer.com and install that software. 10 mins later she called saying teamviewer didn't fix her code. I'm done!

Highschool:
Friend asks if he can copy homework, gets a no, steals it and copies anyway.

Uni:
Asks for help, I give a tip or 2, and say that it's on my Github if he wants to look at it. Replies "No thank you, I really want to get this myself".

When you're really stuck on a problem amd rubber duck is of no use..

The supper effective silver terminatior duck with diamond is here to help!!

The Future:

No, I wont help you solve your stupid problem. If you are not able to read the wiki or the man pages - Arch linux is not for you.

You have only proven that you are stupid enough to listen to other people who likes to brag how good the are, but actually do not know shit.

There is one thing I have seen here in devRant. No matter how stupid rant you post no one trolls you. People are kind of humble here. They try to help you.
Just an observation, may not be true.

"Put aside your ego, it's the worst problem with programmers" -My mentor

I tend to help others and contribute with courtesy, putting my ego aside and listening to others' suggestions at all times, no matter how potentially silly they are

I was building a personal website and my friend oversaw it. He said “that looks cool, can I help?” I agreed, why couldn’t he help? Ten minutes in I asked him if he liked our 404 page. He said “what’s the link to the 404 page?” 🤦‍♂️ He’s not on the team no more.

There was a time when the programming gods starting creating IDEs for their languages. And all obeyed that whenever the dev presses enter on an intellisense menu , the grace of the programming gods would help the dev. But VB rebelled. It was too much for him to spoon feed the dev, so he said to himself "NO MORE SHALL THEY PRESS ENTER AND HAVE THE GODS MAKE MAGICAL TEXT APPEAR! NO NO, TAB IT WILL BE, AND I'LL WATCH THEM BURN WHENEVER THEY TRY TO USE INTELLISENSE ON ME". And since then, VB has seen frustrations of devs beyond count.

Seniors: Welcome to the team. Feel free to ask anything if you need help. There is no such thing as stupid questions.

New Dev: Sure. Thanks.

*a few minutes later*

New Dev: How to comment a code?

Seniors: Google it....and please don't ask stupid questions.

After long debugging no luck
Call a friend to help you, then it works

My boss, delusional as always and getting worse every week, conveys the news that eight interns have been taken on. Without asking us seniors if that would be a good idea.

Us: ”who should, you know, actually help these good people out?”

Boss: ”we will have to work that out”

Us: ”we don’t have the time actually to do this without seriously pushing deadlines forward”

Boss: ”we will have to work something out so that this does not happen”

Us: ”soo, we don’t have to actually help these guys and girls once they are here?”

Boss: ”no, they obviously need a lot of help. What we do here are really complex”

Us: 😬

*me calling ISP*

ISP: hello, how may i help you?

Me: got no connection... you guys maintaining something again from your side?

*30 minutes later*

ISP: we'll check the problem from our end and email u wgat we find

Me (poker face): bit i have no internet :|

I love companies that only use titles like 'Analyst'. Then, they can make you work as a developer, business analyst, tester, help desk, or project manager and there's no way you can ask for a raise or promotion

Do you ever spend hours helping someone with a programming problem, trying to teach them and develop their skills, but at the back of you mind you're thinking, "no amount of help is going to save you from being a fucking cretin"?

Pro tip: As great as your product is, it's 1000x harder to pitch to my boss when it has a goofy-ass name.

Me: Hey boss, I came across some new software that'll help manage our mission critical database system.
Boss: Oh yeah, what's it called?
Me: WoolySocksDB Enterprise Edition
Boss: 😐... No.

Uhm ... Yes, I work with computers. No, I can't help you with your Excel problem.

Interviewer: One last thing, hope you are not married.

She: No, but how is that relevant?

Interviewer: Well because this job involves a lot of traveling you see...

She: Makes sense Sir. Also, I have a lawyer friend, in case you need any help...

Interviewer: What help?

She: Help with filing for your divorce Sir, as this job involves a lot of traveling...

No no no.
This newbie pings me for every thing !
It's fucking annoying !
And I'm annoyed with myself for still being nice !
I don't know if he's ever heard of searching for a solution online for even the most trivial problems !
He's not even aware of restarting something !
I have to tell him to do that !
He doesn't even read the help information for commands !
Why why why.

This might come off like i'm so full of myself, but its just true.

This probably happens to so many other girl devs as well, so this might be relatable.

Why can't guys at school, work, etc. just be friends with me? They often start liking me as more than a friend, causing me to disappoint them that I don't, and then they don't want to be friends anymore.

I get it, there aren't many developer, 'gamer', reasonably attractive girls out there, but damn it kinda sucks :/.

Once a friend came to me asking for help building an app, I asked him what his idea was and he said, "It's an app that builds apps! Think about it, people could just tell it what kind of app they want and it could build anything for them automatically! Can you believe no one has done this?"

I saw quite a bit ranting about SO now. So let's get things straight:
If you get _no_ answer, at least one of these is the case most of the time
a) a repost
b) too unspecified
c) needs rewriting to proper english
d) you dumped your whole project
I'm reviewing questions regularly on SO and never saw a good question ignored. There may be no answer but at least people trying to help in the comments. Also think about WHO answers your questions. All devs who help in their free time. Did you ever answered one question or even brothered to look now and then if there is someone you could help? There is no RIGHT to get help it's a PRIVILEGE.
So stop bullshitting and try to get shit done.

I would kill all these +1 guys, srsly. I subscribe these threads to know if it will be implemented.

You do not add any value to issue:
* devs are pissed off as this does not help solving problem
* others are pissed off

No one really cares about your likes, really.

"no, there's isn't no lost packets."

Please send help. My eyes hurt.

A Merry Christmas to everyone! Hope no one will get server down or family asking for help with computer!

When your "senior software architect" comes over to where the rest of the team is working to tell the level 1 developer, "I saw your review and it was so wrong that I didn't even bother leaving a comment." There are no words. Way to help teach, encourage, and bring up the younger, less experienced devs.

Just got a merge request to review. It's TERRIBLE

- 93 changes
- 23 commits
- includes multiple features
- includes new project configs
- includes refactoring

NO. Please don't do that.

Do smaller commits. One feature per MR. It will help you and the reviewer :D

Just got a Raspberry Pi3 as a gift and I have no idea what I should do with it. Also I didn't knew about Raspberry Pi3 until now. So maybe someone can help with some ideas. :)

Jr: I'm having a problem with my environment, can you help me?

Me: Sure! Did you switch to the latest Ubuntu LTS
so that your environment matches the rest of the dev team like you were asked to do the last 3 times?

Jr: No, I like Windows better because linux is too complicated. Can you just figure out how my environment is suppose to work and than fix what I did wrong please?

Me: No. Let me know if you ever need help with the our standard dev environment. Good luck!

So yesterday I posted that no one here in the company listens to music while working, and today suddenly half of the people wear big ass headphones xD

I have the feeling they read my devRant help

So I deside instate of only going to stackoverflow to ask questions. Am ganna try to answer one !
It has been 2 days and I basically stopped all of work trying to help this guy . Finally I did and no thank you what so ever !!

[OC] Don't let the nature get to you only as a pixels on your screen!

Free your mind and don't forget the real world is out there, waiting for you to help you think, calm yourself and please you in the silence of a forest ~

No fans spinning

Young colleague: help me! My pc won't turn on!

Me.goto(colleague.desk)

Y. Colleague: See? I pushed the button and it didn't turn on!
Me: Have you tried push it a second time?
Y. Colleague:... No....
Me.push(start_button)
Pc turning on..

Classmate: 'Can you help me with this if loop?'

Me: 'No, nobody can!'

I just wanted to say thank you for such a cool community.

No matter how fucked up the day is you can alwqys laugh and get help here.

You are cool guys :)

"Alexa still down :( Please send help, I no longer know how to switch any devices on or off manually. Smart home now officially dumb..."

The home isn't the only one it seems 🤭

Q: I have been used as a Duck by a woman, what should I do?

> It's been more than 4 months she left my current company. She still uses me as a duck and to actually quote her here she suggests "no I used your confirmation to reach my conclusion". I need help.

Interview for a new job
Team leader: well yes, we have this webapp with Angular, it's a bit convoluted so we need help working on it
Me: sounds good enough, I have no experience with Angular though, I'll need to learn on the road
Team leader: no worries :)

A couple of weeks later, after joining the team
Me: wait a moment, that's not Angular you got there. That's AngularJS, it's like 10 years old
Team leader: 😊

Bruh

Programmers then:

No problem NASA mate, we can use these microcontrollers to bring men to the moon no problem!

Programmers now:

Help Stack Overflow, my program is kill.. isn't 90GB (looking at you Evolution) and 400GB of virtual memory (looking at you Gitea) for my app completely normal? I thought that unused memory was wasted memory!1!

(400GB in physical memory is something you only find in the most high-end servers btw)

Whenever I'm trying new tech at work I don't keep interrupting people ta help me with error messages because ITS A FUCKING NEW TECH AND NO ONE WORKS WITH THAT SHIT!

WHY THE FUCK YOU KEEP ASKING ME FOR HELP WITH YOUR FUCKED UP NODE SHIT AFTER I TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T LIKE IT? STOP IT!

Task estimated for 2 days
*Half day later*
🤡 : Have you done it?
Me : No, I told you it would take 2 days

*Day later*
🤡 : Have you done it? Do you need any help?

- hold yourself accountable for your mistakes
- keep track your mistakes and learn from them
- put thought in what you do
- be organised
- become comfortable asking for and offering help
- realise that some problems have no universal solution
- don't just copy what others do, but also think for yourself
- learn to be patient

!rant;

I'm so sad today. I completely lost my confidences in what I do. I recently I created an app , spent 72 hours doing that , made the app as simple as possible, The intention is clear , to help those who are in need during this pandemic.

Recently my country have the campaign (initiate by the people) raising white flags for help (food, financial help). Since our government begin to arrest those who raise their flag for help and summoned them for MYR 3000 .

So I thought making a platform where people can raise their flag digitally might be easy, but I go rejected .

Well in Malaysia, No one give a fuck about you unless you are a celebrity . Sometimes I wish I am , therefore I do changes. But unfortunately I am just a 25 year old self taught software engineer but not someone with PHD or fame .

Fuck me.

I was talking with a guy who is making an android app for his thesis but hes "shitdamn awful in java". I offered to help because im so fucking nice.

"oh but i dont have facebook, is it a problem?"

Nah sure i dont use facebook anyways, got telegram?

"No"

Riot? Irc?

"Nope"

Then what do you use???

"Skype"

?!!?!??!??!!???!??!

I have a dream, that one day my manager does what getaaron did T_T

IT != Help Desk

Yes I'm in IT (I'm a software developer). No I cannot fix Outlook not opening for you.

No rant, just appreciation

A thank you to the senior developers out there who take the time to help us juniors out, to look at our (potentially) shitty code and point out how to improve it.

To help us to see the bigger picture and maybe take a more lengthy approach to a problem that'll pay off in the end.

And lastly, thanks for allowing us to learn from your years of bug splatting, stack tracing, null pointers and error messages.

You guys rock

Writing a new service. (Will be free for now)

Writing up an Ajax PUT request and when it executes, I see an options request firing, that's good.

But no fucking PUT request afterwards!?

WHAT WHY FUCK ME HELP 😢

Intern: "Hey Awlex, this function I'm using doesn't work. Can you help me?"
Me: "This function doesn't do what you are expecting. Did you even look at the docs for this function?"
Intern: "No."
Me: "... then start with that"

Nothing irks me more than when I sit down with a fellow student and try to help them with a programming assignment that I’ve already completed and after clearly explaining everything to them they just say “Can I take a picture of your code?”. Uhm... no. Fuck you.

The year is 2088, and I still haven’t figured out whether to bill per hour or project.

Help...
Please...
No?
Okay 👌

I woke up to 70 messages yelling at me to help a friend install window from a USB(mostly just follow directions). My first thought obviously being. 'Didn't I give her instructions 3 weeks ago. Why is she just now trying to install it'. I chose to sleep for another hour 😂😂😂😂 no regrets

So, I'm living in a completely computer illiterate family and I was called to help my father with something on a Laptop where he wanted to stream his favorite Soccer-Club.

So I walk up to him, ask what's wrong, and he says (roughly translated from German) "That thing doesn't work!"

And I'm just like ((Wat u mean))
So I ask him to explain the problem in detail.
Apparently his streaming service wasn't loading his stream.

Well damn I say, try searching for the problem on Google and find a solution.
((But no no no imma just call my son for everything that's freaking wrong with tech, he sure knows what to do))

As I'm not that experienced with Webservices as of yet, I had no idea what to do.

He was fucking furious!

"You always act like you know everything about tech and programs and stuff and can't even help me with fixing this Stream-Thing?!"

I responded simply by saying "It's not my area of work!"

Seems like he didn't know the difference between TECH-JESUS and hobbyist software engineer.

So I stand there and he just goes on one of these typical boomer tech illiterate rants, of which I'm sure you can imagine enough being on this platform.

tl;Dr; It pisses me of big time how people are not even trying to understand technology, nor attempting to help themselves by eG. Googling some simple problem, but rather just ask around and then being pissed off if the asked person just doesn't know the answer or can't help!

Friend: hey could you help me with buying / fixing xy?
Me: sure no problem, because I can appreciate being needed.

End of story

Q: what's your "5 year plan"?
A: I'd like to help the company continue to grow and make my equity worth as much as possible.
Q: No no no, I meant like I wanna be director of "blah blah", where do you wanna be?
A: As far fucking away from you as possible

Anyone an idea? Trying to install proxmox on my HP Proliang again but no matter what I do, it can't find a bootable disk. I've done this about 20 times before (and that worked well) and I did change the boot order but I already set that back again.

Anyone? Help 😥

Tfw when you try to make your first rant and you have no idea what to talk about because there are hundreds of things that you can rant about and so you end up making a generic "I'm new here, please help me!" post.
I love computers :)

Me to librarian: can you please help me find "self help books"?

Librarian: NO!

That moment you solved something without Stack overflow and/or the official Docs... That realisation made my day ☺

Feeling more and more like a medior! (I am a junior) I might even program in my spare time again! It has been a while... I can't wait 😍😍

I tried making lasagna for the first time myself. No help.

I fucked it up.

I tried out Perl this year, really loved it. No one wanted to do a project with me in Perl though, so I moved on. Now I am doing my projects in javascript. I can't help but think that there is something very wrong with me for liking just the languages everyone hates with a passion. 🙃

BI dev: Hey, can you help me with my SQL query?
Me: Sure, let me see it.
BI dev: sends screenshot - not even the whole query, literally a screenshot with a segment of text in it. No errors showing either.
Me: ...

Building on my last rant, a friend told me that resizing the partition caused the blocks to be no longer aligned, whatever tf that meant. So i adjusted the partition table and reboo—-

Grub: OHAI THERE, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE A GRUB RECOVERY SHELL? NO? WELL FUCK YOU BECAUSE HELP ISNT A VALID COMMAND HERE. FIGURE. IT. OUT.

11.1/11.4 GB of RAM is being eaten open on boot, even though I just rebooted. Almost half of my swap is in use too. WTF! Windows is no help in explaining it either...SO ANNOYING!

I've started to do some time tracking and just after one day of doing it I noticed that I can't get more that 10 mins working without someone interrupting me.

I love to help and hate to say no, but this is killing my productivity and delaying my work.

Most of the time my help isn't really needed too. "Did you clear the cache?" "Did you run yarn install after pulling?" "Let me look at the stack trace/error message." Sentences like these are all I need to say most of the time.

Did my coworkers get lazy because I'm there to help? Should I start say "not now" more often? Or should I just look for a better team somewhere else?

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.

(Fucking bitch dragged me till 3 A.M, NO SHE'S NOT WORTH IT)

My phone reboots whenever I open this one particular app! Like wtf, I even tried to reinstall the app, no help.
On the plus side, I don't have to hit the hardware power button to restart :)

"Its a feature!!!"

I dont know what to feel anymore.

Got hired directly without an interview into 'Data-analytics' department in fortune 500 company. This is my first job. Got hired because this company want start a website that cost millions.

Even though I am junior, I can see that this company has no idea about software development at all. No git server, no code review, no quality assurance and no proper workflow. No senior developer to guide us (junior dev) too.

There is one 'senior' consultant that work on automation project here but he just focus on his work and don't help us directly too.

The contract is about 1 year. Still got 11 months to go :/

Not dev, but IT...

Just found out that one section of my place of work still uses floppy disks. No I’m not fucking kidding. The other sad part? We still have the outdated computers to read them. 😩😂

Please, send help or a job application...

Programming in a language long forgotten with no internet help whatsoever.

😵 help - I totally fucked up.

I managed to delete my /dev/sda1 partition with gparted while trying to format an USB-Stick...

Now my laptop not even trys to boot. It only opens BIOS without any boot options. I absolutely have no idea how to fix that shit. 😣😰

I've heard alot about decipline...
Tryed to apply it for thousend times but no use!
Need some help 😬

Whenever tech support answers "yes, i can help you with that sir",

what they really mean is "no, but i will google it for you"

My University's tech support are all really happy and glad to help people. Was going to look into a student job, but damn no way in hell I could be that helpful and happy lol

Never felt the need for a stressball until I started using those damn automatic checkout machines ...
The f***** juice is in the f***** bagging area and I dont need no f***** help. Who the f*** coded this shit ***** ***** *****

Holy fucking shit... this didnt happen! IT FUCKING CAMT HAVE! NO NO NO NO! IMPOSSIBLE!
I LOST MY FUCKING BAG! RIGHT BEFORE ONE OF MY MOST IMPORTANT FUCKING TESTS! Ok, a little backstory, everyone in Switzerland or (due to alice's request) german can skip this part:
Here we have something called a "Lehre" (I think its called an apprenticeship or sth?) which usually goes 3-4 years, and in the middle, (end of 2nd) we have a "Teilprüfung" Which is basically a test which you HAVE to pass, if you dont, wait another year, and do it with the Final exams... and if you dont pass, your fucked. very very deep in the ass. And guess where I am? Yes. end of 2nd year. And guess what happened?
I LOST ALL OF MY STUFF! GONE. LOST. IM SO FUCKING SCREWED RIGHT NOW! (I have a small backup tho) BUT THIS IS JUST BAD! VERY FUCKING BAD!
OH GOD...
WHY THE FUCK ISNT THIS A DREAM!
I cant sleep...

send help.

fucking srsly.

send help.

I was interviewing for a new position that would be primarily Android development with a chance that I would help out on iOS when necessary. When I got their coding challenge, it had to be done for iOS in Swift. Made no sense, but now I can say I finally wrote a project in Swift.

You know as a FOSS developer with no company affiliation the "I am once again asking for your financial support" meme is truer every second

I'm sad and broke please help

Ask colleague for help, no reply for 3 hours... Since he is 'working from home' ... Riiiiiiiight

Pro tip. How to cut down on those pesky support emails? Break the only email link in your app I can find.

Genius.

Returning from vacation tmr... But apparently we just had a "someone at github deleted all the repos and no backup"-like prod issue....

Well guess I say least can say "¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not my area, can't help u"

Amazon's AWS support sent me an email about a request to support that I sent to billing, saying they sent it to billing. They then said they couldn't help.

I just need them to stop billing me for things I no longer use!

Programmers worst enemy...
No power 😭😭

Help me

Argh, I hate putting down hobbies and interests on job applications.

I'm partly a techy because I have no other interests!

But instead, I'm suppose to say I like to help Barbara work the till at the local charity shop

I really like to help people with programming related issues/questions if they are stuck after research. BUT PLEASE FOR FUCKS SAKE LEARN HOW TO PROPERLY DESCRIBE YOUR ERROR/PROBLEM. "Doesn't work" is not helpful at all an shows no effort was taken to try to figure out the problem yourself. FUCK YOU.

Learning Rust.

Holy brainfucking brain melt, those references, scoping and borrowing and cloning and whatnot, because there is no garbage collector, but also no direct memory management.

It's cool, but also hard for a noob coming from the JVM/Android. The compiler error messages are helpful, but I immediately found some cryptic ones that don't help me at all.

Assembly
Right off the bat
No beating around the bush like a pansy
Actually knowing the CPU operations (which in essence are very limited and simple) will help him/her understand EVERYTHING: its limits and its capabilities.

Working in a organization that hire people that don't know what they doing and can't ask a question correctly...

HELP WE'RE GETTING AN ERROR IN OUR CODE WHILE TRYING TO GET DATA FROM YOUR DB... PLZ FIX IT

WTF IS NOT WORKING, WHAT ARE YOU QUERYING, WHAT IS THE ERROR?

**Sends a SQL query but with ? for all the parameters**

WTF..... U PPL ARE IDIOTS.... CAN'T EVEN ASK A QUESTION CORRECTLY OR PROVIDE NECESSARY INFORMATION... CLEARLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA WTF UR DOING..

EVEN GOD CAN'T HELP YOU...

honestly some online courses are bullshit. i joined one for some sample code, and no comments, no explanations, the variable names WEREN'T even descriptive.

this is from a website with a published book… how about you take some fucking responsibility for your code?

the language was c++ and they are still using printf! shake my fucking head. you have global variables that are one fucking letter! please, stop, get help.

…AND IT WASN'T EVEN ON GITHUB

Serious question for anybody who has dared to understand manager-speak: Do you know what a 'Task Rewind' is? We have it in our documentation, but google gives me no help as to what the hell it could mean.

...Or should I just take my original gut feeling and classify this as yet another word for the clown dictionaries?

Yesterday
Me : Hey, I'd like to do a pull request, but there's something that might not help, you think you can help me solving it before I finish that task ?

Worker : *no response at all*

Today
Worker, by mail : Hey could you do a pull request ?

Me : ... 凸(⊙▂⊙✖ ) thanks for answering my question, edgy bitch

This has been an interesting week! In my first management position, my first person to hire as a senior frontend developer has been approved!

Also made some killer API's this week! Show me the love!

The hunt is on! Heading to two meetups in Sydney next week 😉

Funny when you ask for help, then everybody is playing hide and seek

When I got in this job:
No test, 0% coverage
No teamwork
No documentation (front and backend)
Senior doesnt want to talk

1year later:
We have test prolly 10% coverage
Still no team work
No documentation
Senior doesn’t want to talk

Ps: tried doing documentation but I cant unless my senior will help me because I dont know the ins and outs of the codebase.

I say crap.

I get questions a lot online on how to do something with programming. (at least it's not someone asking me to help with their printer). I have no clue why they keep asking me though, I don't know how to do shit. I just google and press buttons until it does something somewhat cool.

"Hey I have problems - can you help me?"

"Hi. What are they?"

"God! Geez... I was just asking for help. No one ever helps me never mind."

Have no Degree (the paper, I did study), currently doing a master to actually get the damn paper.

Have been working with a good pay for a few years now.

The Degree will help pass some HR filters on the dumbest companies, but sometimes you do want to work there.

The degree does nothing in the new professional word in this profession.

BUT sometimes, a degree gets you information that you will not get on your own that help you grow faster. Talking about the basics that everyone says are useless... But they are not.

Someone gave me his code and told me to improve it and being the nice guy I am I agreed. Then while trying to work on that, a dozen other people asked me to help them with their code too, so in the end I barely got any work done.

I should stop helping people

Dang. I feel like I'm just not cut out to climb any ladder.

When we discovered a production bug. I feel bad about making people working on that part look bad by not catching it.

My manager has no issue with pointing out that I should have caught it. Beating a horse while it's down.

I mean no shit. Of course I know I should've caught it. How does making me feel worse about it help.

Feels like I'll always be in a tough spot no matter where I am on the ladder.

Or I'm just fragile. I acknowledge that, too

I accidentally deleted a folder containing contracts and files worth millions.

There's no backup. 😭😭😭. EaseUS didn't help with the entire recovery.

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J K. I put a recurring backup every week 😌. Hadn't made any changes in the past week. 😂.

Me: "Need help with build config problems, please help almighty documentation page!"

Docs Page: "Nah fam, I got 4 headers about problems with no text, a blank code example, and 2 error 404 pages."

And that's why I don't like build pipelines.

the boat was sinking in the middle of the sea,
athlete: I can swim my way out,can you?*
dev: no, but I can write code for "help me!" in 10 languages

So I'm working our remote build/testing server, and all of a sudden my computer just turns off. No crash message, no error, just turned off. My co-worker tries to help troubleshoot the problem.

Nothing.

I take the computer downstairs to the hardware department. They plug it in and it starts no problems.

After it finishes updating, I take it back upstairs and plug it back in.

Nothing.

I suggest that it is the power cable, and my co-worker looks under his desk. Turns out he had kicked the switch on the surge protector. 😑

Fuck the feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. when a friend comes crying for you for help with their hacked account and you keep asking them about what they did to protect it in the first place and they reply with nothing, no recovery email, no recover phone, no secondary verification, NOTHING. and you can do nothing but stand there and watch them cry while you can literally do nothing because there literally nothing you can do to retrieve their stolen accounts. FUCK BLACK HAT HACKERS.

One of my freind's sister came to me yesterday, and asked me if i can help(basically do the entire thing) her by making a website, which she has to make as a project. She is in 10th standard so it has to be a very simple website, just some text and images and stuff... I was like YEAH easy pesy... And then i opened my laptop and started working on that... No plugins, no bootstrap, no framework, no jquery, no nothing... And i was just like wth dude how and i supposed to do anything with this shit. But then i somehow finished that, now on my way to show her... Hope everything goes well🙁🙁

"Help" messages that are only shown once are not so helphul.

Some software and websites have help pop-ups and tooltips that are only displayed on the first use and then never again. There is no option to show it again.

That is a terrible idea, because the user might want to see it again as a reminder.

Showing something to the user only once means expecting the user to memorize it all at once.

I have a problem calling ressources.
I have a list of 4 ppl that can help me.

3 of them have no idea and the fourth is too busy to answer me.

fuck

Apparently macOS Mojave opens iTunes when I press the "Next Track" key and there is no media playing in another service. Before it would only move to the next track on Spotify. Help!

It had been too long that I had a nightmare that I wished I never had. I had one this early morning.

I was in a foreign metropolitan city with public transport trains, skyscrapers and everything. I had no phone, no cash, no card. I could have asked help from the people I see on the street but in the dream I missed that notion. I was fine for first few hours (dream time) walking along just by myself and gradually the panic mood sunk in. I was alone with no help right in the middle of broad day light among people at a busy city.

Now that I have written it down, it doesn't sound that scary at all. There was no ghost nor paranormal activity involved, no accident, no scary height, no fire, no drowning, nothing really scary at all.

I was totally scared shitless in that dream though.

[at the end of a coding interview]

Me: Do you have any questions for me or the company that I can help to answer?

Candidate: Normally I have many questions to the future teammates, but you're not from the team I'm interviewing for so no I have no questions.

🤯

Decided to make an edit of my avatar so that I could have an avatar that was a bit more accurate, and it looked nice and all in Photoshop. But then I exported it and fuck this

I think my coding hobby has become an addiction. I literally pulled off two all-nighters for a personal project and a university exercise which is due in 2 days (so I had plenty of time).

This is going to sound stupid to some.. I recently finished sololearns JavaScript course and I loved it but I want to learn more but I have no idea where to start.. I've been browsing tutorials on YouTube but it doesn't help too much.. does anyone have any suggestions?

Just opened a project that I'll be working on for work, first thing I notice is C++ like code formatting, which hurts my eyes (keep in mind this is Java)

But then decompiled Hybris classes came at me with not only that, but three newlines between methods.

I fear what I have yet to see...

How to convince someone that it's not helpful to delete apps running in background (RAM) on an android phone? it's like a habit for that person😌
says phone will explode with too much RAM being used and don't want apps run in background ... 😥
pls help for arguments

I hate having no inspiration, no good ideas and just feeling unmotivated. I have not came up with anything good in 1 year now so i just sit around rehearsing the function s i already know. If anyone has a good tip for coming up with ideas. Please let me know :)

TLDR I never get good ideas. Plz help.

When you picked your next laptop on the internet but you still go to the local store to see how it looks and feels in real life and the store girl approaches and asks you if she can help with something? You respond: No, thank you. But what you actually mean: No you can't help me, you drone. I could program an app in half a day that would be more useful and helpful than you.

Taking over development of a system from some other guy who just straight up dropped it with zero documentation. The code looks like he wrote it after watching some getting started tutorial. There is no structure. Some methods and statements are just empty. And he spelt 'connection' three different ways in the same file.

God help me...

Who knew that NOT using results given from an API can actually help.

The private devRant APIs give you offsets in text of where links are in comments and in rants.

It’s EXTREMELY inaccurate and I don’t understand why it’s so hard to write it so it’s accurate 100% of the time.

So I said fuck it and NOT use the given offsets and just hard-find using the built-in algorithms inside Swift to create the range for me. Results? It works 100% of the time. No crashes, no out-of-range errors, no nothing.

Learn to say no...more than anything I just want to help my fellow engineers. Now I am so loaded with so much work that 3 people couldn't poorly do my job. No relief in sight and all I get are unrealistic deadlines and poor criticism when my work is better than anything that was done previously.

Someone tell me why the hell I wanted to do this line of work again?

I really don't get why creators of already-suspicious looking software (and the related suspicious looking website) put terms like "NO VIRUS" or "100% free of malware" next to the download area.

I mean, why would that help anything?

(I understand those typical virustotal scan widgets though, those are fine)

When you mess up the repo, the bestfriend to help out is named "stash".
Personal record: 9 times stash in a row with no commits.
Comment to share your personal records...

Colleague asks for help setting up deployment job. Tells me he has tried everything. Has no less than 5 typos.

UPDATE ON THE SCHOOL NETWORKING SITUATION:

the entire country has entered total self-isolation for 3 weeks, which means no physical school for 3 weeks. I have to suffer at home for 3 weeks.

Fun.

(save me, please. I am beyond help.)

First-time goona work on frontend(my worst nightmare).
That too Angular.
That too on a file containing 900 LOC.
That too with no proper naming, variable names x,e, obj.
That too with no comment.
Cant take help as I am the lead(name-sake, small team, I have 6month more experience than others)

I have 2 days(thank god for the weekends).

Fuck...Fuck...I missed writing CLI apps.

Do not offer anyone to help them with their scripts, ever.
I had to do something as there were things like "cd $DIR; rm *". No checks if the folder got changed, no qutoes to prevent breaking on spaces. A problem waiting to happen. And it did. We don't know what the script deleted in the wrong folder to this day.
The scripts have no functions, some files have over 50% duplicate code. I was an idiot and thought running it through shellcheck and doing basic prevention of them shooting their own foot would be enough.
And there is no way to convince the guy to start writing the code properly. Should have kept my mouth shut.

Why is sleep not a choice. I have code to write but my body and mind wont let me stay up.

Too many projects so little time

No one to help 🙃

Sleep is really a devs enemy 🙆🏾‍♂️

-Week before final project presentation.
Classmate: Dude, can you help me for our project? Its website.

Me: Sure, what you used?

Classmate: ASP. NET

Me: Ok....I don't know much about it but let me see.

Classmate: No, I just want your help with flowchart, sequence diagram and use case diagram.

Me: ..................
*in mind: how the fuck m supposed to do that shit I don't even know much about your website*

(still I drew few basic flowcharts for them)

ATTN: ALL DEVZ

I think we all should just band together and say FU! to all of these software companies and form one gigantic software corporation, steal all of their clients, and make them beg on their knees for us to help them. Not only that, make them go through a series of VERY stressful interviews (to see who deserves our time, of course) in which we simply say....."no" with no explanation. Bwahahahahhahahaha!!!

Wishful thinking.... 🤔

- can you help with this Angular thing?
- sorry, I'm no front-end guy
- oh, thought you do node.js, no?
- *Facepalm*

Reasons not to work here...
Windoze
Insurance
One line scripts with no help option
Java
Windoze
5am meetings, working 10 hours a day then getting on again between 9pm and 5am, to accommodate for employees in India
WINDOZE

Edit - can't forget the worst laptop track pad in history 😂

What is with IT and their obsession with error messages?

"If there is no error message, I cannot help"

Your not going to get an error message because the problem is VPN is messing up my DNS due to tunneling. There is no error other than me not having Internet if VPN disconnects unless I reboot.

Dear client. Your web development project budget has no room in it for me to help you fix your broken POP3 mail settings. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Conspiracy theory:
There is no parent CSS selector because Google effectively controls web standards, and if that existed then it would be extremely easy to hide ads, ruining their business model. Do you a-- help help they've got me hehgxh dry jvcgk cc d

Do you have 1000000000 node_modules folders and no space on your machine? This command will help. Just NPM install in the folders you actually use:

rm -r **/node_modules

Health anxiety is funny.

a pendulum between
"oh no, what if I have x and die"
"jesus christ, this anxiety is too painful i wish i was dead"

death is a fucking tease.

anyhow, just venting, not promoting self harm, if you are having thoughts of mortality contact your national suicide hotline.

also, not trying to be a dick, but id appreciate receiving no advice, just a "i hope you get better" will help me a lot.

When there is no way to test the code you have written.... I cannot help but stress my arse off...

Bootcamp fked up during partition and macos disk utility disk utility simply sucks.

Now i have unaccessible 44gb space on this system. Also TIL, online help related to issues on Mac is terrible. Lol even stackexchange has no replies.

Apparently it seems i have to reinstall whole OS to recover it..

Or is there any other way?..

A large pool of application instances' is writing logs to the same physical file. No way to distinguish which instance wrote which line.

Welcome to hell

We're being asked questions. We're replying that we cannot help unless logging is fixed. Noone's bothering to fix this mess and instead returns tickets with requests to investigate more.

F.U.N
/s

I loved you Xamarin.Forms I really did.
I defended you everywhere... Released 5 apps.

You FUCKING SUCK, no svg support (no none of the apis work), startup time is FUCKING insane, i could go on for hours......

Please any Android Developer out there is there any smooth transition to native? (Dont tell me about Js bullshit)

Help me fell the Native Power of Android.

Show me that apps don't need 20 seconds to start.

FML, somebody here or somewhere wrote that al customers lie..

Just been a witnes to that.. Over skype (mind I reminded them to write to jira on several occasions so others can help if I am out of office) feature xy is not working.. I log in to server, I see no logs of person a doing anything with our system, let alone use the xy feature... Well duh, of course it doesn't work, it's not a freakin mind reader.. :/

Next time no help, no log checking, no nothing until they provide ss of what exactly they were doing.. :/ Fuuuuu....

I hate how the world works sometimes, get a potential chance to work in my dream job after having no contact from any other workplaces and boom, as soon as I might be on the right track I get offered a full time position as a level 1 help desk technician... Fuck

I (still am though) taught myself JavaScript online, and taught myself the Linux terminal with no help.

Someone asks for help as to why their website isn't working, you find the problem and tell them, then they're like "no that can't be the problem". So you fix the problem and they ask "what did you do?"

"The goal is not to make your user interface as realistic as possible. The goal is to add those details which help users identify what an element is, and how to interact with it, and to add no more than those details. " - Lukas Mathis

Urgh clients, it doesn't work ? Ok how bout you tell me the error that's causing it and I might be able to help

All I get is it does nothing 😐

And you think I can diagnose a problem that apparently does nothing, from at least 10miles away with no remote desktop 😞

Tech lead is getting on my friggin nerves. The tech lead keeps all the important info about the project for himself, does no sort of coding just merges stuff on Git and makes me handle any small fry problems which give me little to no insight into the project.
Then complains to the manager about the fact that nobody will help him and he has no time to do any work.
Meanwhile he creates own little club of people to talk to and stops talking to us devs.
Is this how its always been?

How is that there are so many JavaScript frameworks and fkn no actual way to learn. Tried vue js, this fucker doesn't work half the time, I'm under a no sleep mod tablet, thought it'd help me but I am just raging right now.

My biggest personal challenge as a dev is getting help. Sometimes I feel so deserted.

Now and then I have to do things that are not my expertise and I feel out of my depth. I think if I had an expert come in for a day they would be able to save me weeks of slow progress. There are dev things like updating frameworks, etc which I am fine to struggle through or read the docs, etc but things like setting up servers, enabling single sign on, database administration, integration with other systems. These are not really software development tasks but they need to be done. It seems every time I try to get help it is so much effort then the help I get turns out not to be helpful.

In my current role I have no budget or company credit card, etc. To make any sort of purchase I need to get my manager to write a business case to get approved by his manager signed in triplicate, buried in soft peat, etc. Even if I went through this process there are so many companies out there who want to get paid to do nothing and say they are experts in all things. It is almost impossible to know if we would get competent help or if I end up just wasting time explaining issues to people in phone meetings who are no help.

How do I make an ER diagram ?
I tried doing it in PowerPoint but it's too large to fit on one slide.
Online tools are no help. (At least the ones I tried)

It's such a pain.

That Moment when you struggle to get your Webpack config running on Windows, while it's works perfectly on linux.
And after hours of asking Google for help, which brings you no step further, it suddenly starts working. WTF??

Ok so I switched from iPhone SE (1st gen) to iPhone 12 mini.

And no crashes in devRant so far...
With the old phone, it was crashing sporadically when I was opening a rant.

Makes me wonder if that info could help fixing the crashes.

My laptop just went through a BSOD and I've been noticing a noise from the hard disk even before the BSOD. Dump says the process that failed is ntoskernel. That's no help.
SMART test said hard disk state as OK but crystaldiskinfo says the following which confused me even more. Is it supposed to be this way?

friend : can you help me modifying my client's website? It's a company profile website so no complicated stuff.
me : let me see...

*it's bulit on opencart*

me : wtf
friend : exactly 😂

No network in mobile due to bankruptcy of an Telecom Operator and people think that I could help because I am good with computers instead of going to fucking retailers of other Operators who could adopt the number.

"hey, can you help me doing this on the phone?"
"hey, do you know what,'s wrong with my computer "
And so on...
I am no tech support.
First world problems, I know 😑

I need your help with ideas for toy projects in android to get a portfolio.
For backend I know node, Python and Java.

I have no idea what to do and I must have something up my sleeve before I can apply for my first dev job.

Thanks!

Just been on a like 4 hour no pause coding session (which is fairly long on my terms) trying out random stuff in Java.

-Interfaces
-Classes but weird
-Weird Interfaces with weird methods
-Weird methods
-Custom types, essentially classes
-Depression
-Its 00:13 help

The feeling that every work day is composed of new challenges that help you to grow and learn more. Also, how cool is it when your code works as intended and with no ramifications on the first try? Last but not least how many people can say that what they do at work is their true passion?

Need a new business name idea for a web based software house. We are 2 weeks into choosing one and no progress :D help!

Coworker 1 asked if there was a website where he can learn more about Formstack.

Coworker 2 said no.

Coworker 1 asked him then what about formstack itself? Is their website helpful? Do they have a help section?

Coworker 2: "Well there’s not really a websiiiiiite for help, but their main website has a page for help.”

Coworker 1: “can you send me a link?”

Coworker 2: "no. I mean I can, but I mean they don’t really have a help website, but just help on their website.”

Coworker 1: "WTF!"

they have no idea
and they don't trust me to help fix computer problems

I often hate about SOF because people downvoting for no reason or giving bullshit advice when they don't know shit. I must admit however sometimes it really helps and you can see that there are still competent people around, willing to help and explain.

Stupid project ideas pitched at me?
Well, basically everything my friends ever mentioned.
NO I don't wanna help you do shady things... and as soon as someone drops the word hacking I route the whole conversation to my inner /dev/null

Just onion peeling other people’s fucking problems with no help all day every day.

When the recruiting company mails you about new jobs along with your PASSWORD!
Dude, you have a fuckall dev and u will help me find a job... Thanks, but no thanks.

Love it when there's only one SO question relating to the problem you have, there is no answer, a couple comments, and the person asking updates it saying he figured it out, WITHOUT GIVING ANY INDICATION AS TO WHAT THE SOLUTION IS.

Fucking hell, doesn't happen often, but when it does... 👿

So, A very close friend of mine is a fellow computer science student. But she has no interest in coding. Mostly because she never tried it. Is there any post or video that can help her find a motivation.

I know that interest comes from within, but set that aside for a while and help me out with something that inspired you.

I'm too embarrassed to show my team leaders code to other developers..

unreadable, no tests, parameters hardcoded..

But managers want to "help him grow"..
When do you decide you can't fix a lemon?

Yes, i do overtime. But not to get extra pay. I do overtime to finish projects early so i can get enough time on weekend to spend it with my loved ones.

No sudo code help you feel better if you are sick. Spend time with one you love and care about.

That moment when you go to SO for help with an error and then you ask a second question because the program has another problem.
"I hope no one notices...👀"

Ok I fucking give up, does anyone know of any tutorials on adding custom languages and syntax highlighting to VS code, I followed what little readable documentation overlord Microsoft has given and still no fucking clue, help!

Let's agree on something :when asking your coworker for help, follow stack overflows guidelines, and we will all be happy. No one should guess about a certain linq that failed to filter with a "It's not working".