Managers: Got some good code from our friends, please integrate with our code. Thanks!

Me: What programming lang is .rtf ?

#qualityAssured #topOfClass #inTheirElement

If you're one of us terminated / unable to find a job / massive paycut due to "market conditions" -
Make sure you remember.
Remember and make them pay.
Through the nose.
Next year (I hope..).

I realize burnout is like a steak - Take it off the grill early as it keeps cooking for a bit after.

I think it makes more sense to divert IT budget to building a time machine.

It would be cheaper than trying to fix all these problems, and just as effective.

We have a new record!!!
23 people on silent call, watching one dude work.

My rank is 666

Don't nobody upvote this or anything from me ever

Just refered to senior menagement as "money bugs" in a meeting,

Got away with it :D
Wabadaba dab dab!

PM joins standup call, shares screen and opens Jira.

No... oh no... no mate no....

Well shit, now I (re-)learned C,
And all I want to do is program in C,
But all C jobs are like -
"C guru that merged to Linux kernel"
"Driver writing low level must know Assembly"
"Military-grade realtime hardware design"

Isn't there a C job that's like Python - "here I wrote this script in 5 minutes and spent the rest of the day playing Eve Online" :D :D

An hour meeting about the purpose of this meeting.
Meta.

There's a simple issue with this opensource browser extension.. actually I think I can fix that real quick and submit a pu OH WAIT!!!
I booted to Windows partition and don't have any fucking dev tools/console/package manager to install what I need!

As much as I hate the army and what it represents, I do often wish managers served as squad leaders or officers to at least learn the basics:
- Your job is to protects your people and care for them
- All your people are equal, you do not show preferential treatment
- You are a role model, you do not badmouth a soldier in front of others

Honestly I have/hear so many bad experiences and simply can't wrap my head around having managers out there that don't understand these basic rules..

When scrum master/agile coach sais "I know, I used to be a developer myself." ....

Do they think it makes me trust them and drop my point?

Honestly all I think is "well, plenty of bad devs out there, and there's a reason you'r not doing it anymore"

Fuck YouTube and their sponsored content!
You can clearly see they get paid to promote certain videos as they pop out of nowhere, regardless of your interests, and no matter how many time you click "I don't like this" or "don't recommend channel".
It can be simple stuff like Warthunder vids (which I don't play and never searched for),
Or complex like the Amber Heard trial - vids that make her look foolish. Feels like Depp dropped some serious cash on YouTube to make him look like a victim! (regardless if he really is or not)
Isn't there a law that sponsored content must be marked as such?

If I lay my hands on those fucking EU beurocrats that decided we need cookie notices I'll stick them in a cage above lava/lazer-sharks with a phone that doesn't let them call for help until they accept/reject the cookie policy for every website in the world.

You know that moment you realize you read/write the wrong variable, and that's why u were stuck for 2-4 hours?

That.

MetaRant - The avatar items cost too many points!
At least at this level of activity within the community.

I'll never get that eye-patch.....

I decided to go freelance/contracting. Headhunters keep pitching me permament roles (and I love watching them run out of pitch lines :D )

Headhunter: This job can't do your asking salary, but can offer career development.

Me: Already did that. was Engineer, then Architect, then CTO. I'm actually stepping back to be an Engineer.

Headhunter: Ok well, in this job you can do things start to finish, see them through to the end.

Me: I actually get bored after a while. Prefer change.

Headhunter: Well this place has a great culture and fun atmosphere!

Me: It's an insurance company mate...

As an ex-manager I now realize standups are used for control.

1. It sets a time when everyone must be present (might as well read-out names like it's school)

2. You, the manager, get to have people giving "offerings" of their work for you to approve, deny or bless with your gracious interest ("can you please stay on the call? lets discuss further")

It's good to piss off a recruiter once in a while to let their true face be revealed,

To be reminded they are sub-human garbage.

Recruiter: Your skills are amazing! There's hight demand! massive shortage! the market is hot!

Me: great

Recruiter: But your rate is too high.

Me: ....

Good boss: "Oh you're sick? don't worry about work, get some rest!"
My boss: "Oh, I was sick too last week. still managed to put a few hours of work in."

Good boss: "Look, your progress is a bit slow considering you're with us for 3 months now."
My boss: "Look, your progress is a bit slow considering you've been with us for 3 weeks now."

Can't believe it's 2021 and building websites is still such a pain..

Do we really need to build a login page every time? have a refinement session to break it down to tasks?
("Oh right, we need a forgot-password link!")

Can't the damn thing align and look the same on two/three browsers?

2008 problems for life...

Hooray! Just launched prod!
So what does the team do?
Immediatly start testing on prod!
Facepalm.

Worked till late refactoring code,
Then dreamed I made a huge mistake.
Or was it real? Can't tell !

So all my code is Lambda serverless funcs, hurray!
But I still need NAT gateway / VPC endpoints that cost $50pm to reach S3 from private VPC so what's the fucking point?!

8:30pm - finally finished other people's work, can get started on mine.

Made the mistake of mentioning ISO27001 security standard near management.

- "What?? Why don't we have that certificate?! Why are you not thinking about this?"
- "We don't need it."
- "Of course we do! we must have the highest standards!! Lets hire some lawyers and security consultants to help us get certified!"

A week later:
"Ok, turns out we don't need it."

Satan give me strength...

I'm too embarrassed to show my team leaders code to other developers..

unreadable, no tests, parameters hardcoded..

But managers want to "help him grow"..
When do you decide you can't fix a lemon?

A "10X Developer" is someone that sucks a little less than most devs.