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A client wants to make a Pokemon GO type of game.. In two months.. (before the hype ended, they said)19
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no profession has the kind of online communities like developers and programmers,
why?
we haven't built it for them ^_^
This is fact.3 -
The face of a developer when he makes the similar UI as mentioned in the png file given by designer and the designer points out some minor spacing issue
15 -
Variables vs Deadline
Wk1 : int Store_Account_Balance ;
Wk3: int StoreAccountBalance ;
Wk5: int StoreBalance ;
Wk7: int storebalance ;
Wk9: int balance ;
Wk11: int bal ;
Wk 13: int b;2 -
"We need to get visitors age, gender and it would be nice if we could get city too.. can we pull this from the cookies so they don't have to enter the information on our site? How much info can we even pull, we need as much as we can get"
I literally kicked a wall when I received this message6 -
I got this one from my senior PM, You...go to your seat and get me a software...that would create other Softwares for me...so that I don't need to have explain every time I need something to be built...to people like you...i will use that and build for my own. I told him...Sir you can use an IDE.3
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Former boss asked my "team" (2 fullstack devs including me) to immediately stop our projects ( 4 rather complex websites - yeah simultenaus ) and start developing a website maker AI, because "that is the future". "You have one month". EOS8
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"I'll not sign off this project unless you promise me that the app will NOT GET WET WHEN YOU UPLOAD IT TO THE CLOUD" (was a desk application... I left the company that same day and promised myself I'll never get back)4
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So this was only a few weeks ago. A client told us to turn our Android/iOS app into an app compatible with his phone - it needed to work online/offline and it needed to be able to take photographs. We didn't have much to go on but after a few calls we figured out he was using a very old Nokia (Snake era) that didn't even have a camera.
The hardest part was getting him to understand why we couldn't make the app.7 -
This was not a client but my CEO himself. The website of the company was supposed to be made responsive. So, during the design phase I was explaining how how events should not be used to display ideal information as hover don't exist in touch devices. To this, he says, "Why don't you create something so that when the user has his hand over the phone(like an inch above, but not touched), it treats it like a hover".
The worst part is I still don't know if he was kidding or not!8 -
PM asked us to skip the unit test and just deliver untested application to SIT environment due too tight timeline. But when there are defects raised by tested, PM asked why got bugs and asked us to fix them immediately while we have to develop other new features at the same time.5
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The team had just created an analytics dashboard web application for a client. During the demo, client asks: "Can we have a download button that saves all the graphs in a powerpoint, 1 graph per slide with a title?"6
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"Are you going to finish this part or am I going to need to hire someone else?"
~ Asked by a client less than a week into cleaning up and upgrading his Drupal 6 site to Drupal 7 which hadn't been touched in 8 years... Right after pleading with me about how he had no budget and couldn't afford any hours of development.4 -
A friend wanted me to build him csgo gambling site in a month, just about the time all of the controversy was happening.
He said - create it for me please and if we succeed I'll give you part of the profit, there will be money for you.7 -
Changed the HTML of my school site locally to say we went back to school on the Tuesday not the Monday and blagged an extra lay in.
My auntie then called my mum and told her my cousins were at school why aren't me and my sister? BUSTED.
So worth it though!4 -
Easy. Was creating a website for a client and they asked if we could add "those, what do you call them? Yeah cliparts" to the website.
Cliparts? Really? Those silly cartoon things from MS Office?5 -
"When people visit our site, can we make it put an icon on their desktop so they can load it up quickly in future?"7
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So sometime back I was working as an android developer for a startup managed by a guy who wasn't much of a techie. The team wanted a share image to facebook option in the app, which required FB SDK integration into the app, which in turn will increase the app size and request more permissions. On discussing this with them and asking for the app secrets, they said that I'm being ridiculous, and denied me from giving the app secrets, citing the reason 'They're called secrets for a reason'.3
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I know we're trying to stay away from Flash. I've heard that most browsers these days support cookies. Could you work it into a "cookie applet?"1
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We all have that one friend who says he "hacked someone's facebook account", and all he did was peek while that person was typing his/her password....6
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PM: we need to show some progress, lets build a dashboard to display metrics.
Me: what metrics do we use ? The current period?
PM: No, those aren't good. Use math to show we made progress *wink*
Me: .......1 -
met a client yesterday to discuss about the coming task. After discussion, we agreed that I will develop the API for the system in one month. I did the planning and posted the upcoming tasks in Trello. Today, he told me some of the tasks have been done by his staff and asked me if I can continue the remaining tasks and get it done in one week. Hey, bro, what you want!? it is not what we agreed! do you think i can understand the code that your staff wrote, with poor documentation and structure, in few hours and immediately start working on it, yet deliver everything with high quality? come on...5
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If your colleague is irritating you too much and you want to take a revenge.
Then just type chmod 777 -R /
in the terminal and press enter.
See what happens later.
8 -
Worked as the hardware QA for a storage company. Some tests took a week to set up and several weeks of scripts to run through for IP-SAN certifications. CEO's little pet came downstairs and asked if I could tear down some of the raid configurations and "make all of the lights on the servers blink a lot". He had some clients he was working pretty hard.
Sure... your blinkin' lights just set this release back almost a month.3 -
So I had a meeting with a client, some time ago, asking for my expertise on rebuilding their websites frontend and backend within a month. I offered a very low price (as I am a student), which included 40 hours of work for 30$ an hour (normal price is ~120$). And done within 2 months. He turned it down by saying, that the price was 4 times too high... Clients are so demanding, but not willing to pay for their needs. He haven't found another yet. This was 2 months ago.5
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Yeah let's just build this fully featured app on Wordpress. I don't see why you're saying we shouldn't.
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My pm requested me to estimate few tasks on a new project(single page app), the problem was that he was creator of these tasks, so we ended up with
- Create back button
- Create next button
- Create table with contents
... etc
As I prefer to take things literally I estimated each task as they literally should (5 min for adding buttons etc). So all tasks together were estimated for about 5h, while whole project was estimated for 100MD. After few talks and discussions we ended up with:
- Create back button
- Create back button logic
- Create next button
- Create next button logic
etc1 -
We where designing next generation of standard PC platform. In the project we wanted to have input from different teams, what was important to them and it was the representative from Human Resourse to speakup,
"I would like to have round bobbles", it took us a while to figure out that he wanted, he wanted to change the shape of all dialog boxes.......
HR has often strange ways if looking at things.1 -
This was last year. "Guys, guys, we need to convert everything to ES6." Our mainly users were elderly people with old devices. So we did. Many resigned shortly.6
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"yeah, we want bundled products in our store, but we don't want to fill them in like such. Instead, you have to look at the product attributes, their values added in which sub sub sub category they're stored to automagically make such combinations. Also: of these combinations (that have no actual entity in the database) we want to be able to save images, descriptions, related products, etc."
I managed to fix it, but more than 50% of the time spent on this project was to explain to the customer why their combination wasn't working (they misconfigured the products), and writing a whole testing interface that showed the inner working of the algorithm, so they could debug their own products...
The worst part: we advised from day 1 not to take this road, but they had one "developer" who insisted on this approach because it would "prevent pollution in the database". in the end, we had to add 50-100 product attributes/values just to get the damn thing to work. -
while writing a software for records compilation for a high school, the principal asked if the software would be able to mark the answer sheets from the students,
I'm taking, non multiple choice answer sheets.
hand written.
how?5 -
we just created a new web dev team (3 months) and boss came to us, looked what frontend guy has done already (one guy who joined us month ago) and said "this is not how i imagined our platform. It should be working next month". Well how about providing anything to let us know what do you want? Well Im fighting now to get some brief at least ;)
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keep getting website designs made in InDesign with widths in pt units without any grid and the client complains the layout isn't pixel perfect when 1220pt width doesn't look the same on 1220px. i had to make the desktop layout 1626 px wide...3
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"I want you to make a font, it needs to be heavy, but not too heavy. Like it should be able to float on water. So, bold enough to get a person's attention but not screaming"
...ok2 -
We develop a service that sometimes expose the email address support@ourdomain.com to users.
Apparently that makes them to think we support them in any conceivable matter. I once got a request to aid in removing apps from someone's Blackberry device. You'd think they could have emailed support@bb.com instead... -
PM:"I don't care how you dev build it, those are tech details, not my business, I only care about the business domain."
sounds familiar?
this is the main reason why so many projects failed, can you image any professional use such an asshole statement in other industry.1 -
TLDR: Detect site visitors browser and conditionally load a Citrix frame rather than rendering the site
The request came about 3 days after launching a new project to production. For several months before that moment we had reviewed and confirmed the supported browser matrix. As you might guess plans tend to go up in smoke as we approach and pass launch. Now that we're live after all, it would be the tine to lose our damn minds rather than bask in the warmth of a successful launch for 5 minutes.
Anyway as for the actual request, after those first few days the client PM realized a FEW people were actually using IE8 and was now panicking that it was unsupported. On my way out of the building that day he asked if we could detect the browser and rather than render the site load a frame to a Citrix session that would be running the latest IE... -
our team are responsible to build backend restful API for other team to look up data in DB.
the consumer team just sit beside us.
the interface definition came from our pm in a different time zone. btw he did not have any programming background.
and he insisted that just build what he said and ignore the noise from the consumer team. because each interface change should be considered as new features and need him to prioritize and create user story and he will review the schema with the pm from consumer team and so called architecture who did not coding real shit for years.
we ended up with building shit code not useable by our real consumer.
yes he do manage to keep our team busy building worthless shit and accomplishmented lots of jira items to show we have value to change a useless shit into very hard to use shit1 -
PROBLEM:
We need to log out phone calls in and outlet of the company
How we wanted to do it:
Use node.js to read the serial port from the phone system then store the data into the MsSQL database
Eventual solution:
1) Read serial port
2) store in local MySQL database
3) every 3 minutes create a CSV file containing the last 3 minutes of calls and store on a Windows shared directory
4) have a access 2000 programme collect these files every 30 minutes
5) insert into MsSQL database1 -
I have literally just been asked to make the design "POP out of the screen – 3D effect – do as many
samples as you can – your free reign of artistic skills !!!"2 -
Devs: We've spent some time estimating the stories, and found that we will finish a month too late. Which stories should be removed?
PM: None
Devs: Which are less important?
PM: All are vital. (read: Work harder)1 -
Develop a facebook canvas app with share to Twitter, LinkedIn, pinterest, reddit, Google+ functions...1
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a lot of dev have a miss concept about Unicode/utf8 including me but I believe my understanding get Better and this my last version.
For a project i was developing a rest api for mobile app
when an ios dev asked me
"I send you Unicode string but it appears as ????? in admin web panel "
OMG!!!😨😨😨
Unicode is not an encoding nor an algorithm. it's a standerd which just map a glyph to a codepiont .
but utf8 is the encoding of Unicode and how it's stored or transferred ,
the string you send must be a utf-8 encoded string as the rest of the json you sent . -
A few years ago, we were developing a media application that allows playing DRM protected content in various business rules. One was that a movie is only playable after watching an ad; the weird one is that an *ad* is playable only after watching a movie.
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This happened towards the end of a data archival project I was involved in.
It was the last day of the project and we were in the process of handing over the system to the client. As it so happened, the client, while doing a sanity check, found out that some unwanted data had not been deleted from the database.
On project manager said to us, "Let's delete the unwanted records manually."
The only problem. There were three of us and over 150000 entries to delete (the system had around ten years of data).
In the end, we came up with a logic to identity the unwanted records, and I created a small program to delete the entries using this logic.
To this day it is still not clear as to what inspired the PM to come up with such a suggestion. -
Throw out the baseline, then inherit the new baseline we paid contractors to develop as a proof of concept using tech you don't know and maintain that.
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A late entry for wk9:
Clients dev wanted an endpoint in the api creating `api/xxxDevUtils/ClearData` that casually cleared the database 🤔
To me the worst part of the request is the hideous URL!
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