If we ever colonize Mars or if we even go further I am already feeling sorry for the poor bloke that will have to work on DateTime library.

weedX 😂😂

My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".

The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.

BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂

This might happen very soon.

Never thought I'd have so much in common with a layout

When we finally get to Mars, all programmers on Earth will scream in pain over having to program another timezone

As a Java Dev, the thing that frightens me most about colonizing Mars is that we have to rewrite the Date class...

I believe by the time Elon Musk sets up a colony on Mars, npm will be done installing those fucking dependencies.

This guy is living in 3018

The truth is, I don't give two shits if you're a girl, woman, man, black, white, yellow striped with pink polkadots or a transgenderfluid 2headed Ogre kin married to a nuclear penguin from mars- the fact is, what I need you to be is professional. So shut your yapping about your personal shit and get to fecking work.

Some people reduce the number of programs running in the background.

I just add another 8 gigs of RAM.

Just remember, if someone ever makes a colony on Mars, you may have to support their timezone in your applications. And their day is longer, so a simple offset from UTC won’t do....

Today I was 25 years old, asking for a raise or a opportunity to reach the next level of my career.

My department manager simply said:
"I'm sorry, but in terms of salary you have already reached the end of your career."

Bye then :)

I forgot my USB cable at home. I have tested my app like this all day

Friend: "I use spaces to indent"

Every self respecting programmer: "I think we can no longer be friends"

I guess Elon Musk is too focused on colonizing mars to the point that he forgot to improve PayPal's API docs.

I fucking hate toxic positivity. Every fucking corporation pushes the notion that "lifE iS aWeSomE, wE cArE abOuT pEoPle" and other such bullshit, and when you point it out, they call you a bad, toxic person.

No, you don't care about your community, let alone the whole world. You're just trying to make people believe that spyware, wage slavery and being fired by a neural network is the norm. You're making money off of those who don't have a choice.

If you account all people, not just American white rich 1%, it turns out that for the vast majority of people life is either an uphill battle or straight up nightmare. People are working in shifts and have no time or emotional resource to spend on themselves. Most of the people can't afford a house or a flat. Even those who can still suffer from mental illnesses, to the point where there are more mentally challenged people than mentally healthy ones. The word "neurotypical" meaning "mentally healthy" is wrong.

You want nothing but to sell your stuff and earn more money off of Chinese and Indian factory workers who work 16-hour shifts. Maybe your life is great, but aggressively pushing this notion is a big, wet spit in the face of humanity.

Fuck you. Fuck your space rockets. Fuck your twitter accounts. Fuck your institutionalized exploitation of the weak. Fuck your products. Fuck your "open source". Fuck your "GDPR compliance". Fuck your offshores, your hedge funds and your tax evasion. Fuck your bailouts. Fuck your ships spilling tons of crude oil, fuck your factories, fuck your slave labor, fuck your anti-suicide nets in Chinese dormitories.

One day, because of you, our planet will become unlivable. You will hop into your fancy space rocket to go to that top-1% elite Mars colony. Nice job.

But I will pray for a solar flare to hit you and turn you and your fucking rocket into radioactive ash.

The most daunting thing about colonizing Mars is rewriting the Date class in Java.

stackoverflow these days:

How to [land a rocket on Mars] using java 8 streams?

It is the year 2022.
We have multiple robots on Mars.
We have mRNA vaccines.

JIRA does not yet have a dark mode.

19s: In future, there will be flying cars, Man on Mars, Time Travelling.

2018: Adblocker, Anti Adblocker, Block Anti Adblocker, Anti Block Block Anti Adblocker.

May be when the first human is born on Mars, we'll have to add "Planet of Birth" to our passports.😂

Sometimes I have such little idea what I'm to do or doing that I print code to 'analyze' it fully...

(Senior level engineering course and our professor used to work for NASA. This can lead to some fun anecdotes during class.)

Professor: “Because the ends have such a small surface area, you can neglect them in your calculations.”

Student: "What would NASA do?"

Professor: *without missing a beat* “They'd probably use the wrong units and crash into Mars."

*** IN THE FUTURE ***

@elon musk colonize mars and starts sending people to mars and keep EARTH for EU CITIZENS because mars isnt GDPR compliant

Here are the reasons why I don't like IPv6.

Now I'll be honest, I hate IPv6 with all my heart. So I'm not supporting it until inevitably it becomes the de facto standard of the internet. In home networks on the other hand.. huehue...

The main reason why I hate it is because it looks in every way overengineered. Or rather, poorly engineered. IPv4 has 32 bits worth, which translates to about 4 billion addresses. IPv6 on the other hand has 128 bits worth of addresses.. which translates to.. some obscenely huge number that I don't even want to start translating.

That's the problem. It's too big. Anyone who's worked on the internet for any amount of time knows that the internet on this planet will likely not exceed an amount of machines equal to about 1 or 2 extra bits (8.5B and 17.1B respectively). Now of course 33 or 34 bits in total is unwieldy, it doesn't go well with electronics. From 32 you essentially have to go up to 64 straight away. That's why 64-bit processors are.. well, 64 bits. The memory grew larger than the 4GB that a 32-bit processor could support, so that's what happened.

The internet could've grown that way too. Heck it probably could've become 64 bits in total of which 34 are assigned to the internet and the remaining bits are for whatever purposes large IP consumers would like to use the remainder for.

Whoever designed IPv6 however.. nope! Let's give everyone a /64 range, and give them quite literally an IP pool far, FAR larger than the entire current internet. What's the fucking point!?

The IPv6 standard is far larger than it should've been. It should've been 64 bits instead of 128, and it should've been separated differently. What were they thinking? A bazillion colonized planets' internetworks that would join the main internet as well? Yeah that's clearly something that the internet will develop into. The internet which is effectively just a big network that everyone leases and controls a little bit of. Just like a home network but scaled up. Imagine or even just look at the engineering challenges that interplanetary communications present. That is not going to be feasible for connecting multiple planets' internets. You can engineer however you want but you can't engineer around the hard limit of light speed. Besides, are our satellites internet-connected? Well yes but try using one. And those whizz only a couple of km above sea level. The latency involved makes it barely usable. Imagine communicating to the ISS, the moon or Mars. That is not going to happen at an internet scale. Not even close. And those are only the closest celestial objects out there.

So why was IPv6 engineered with hundreds of years of development and likely at least a stage 4 civilization in mind? No idea. Future-proofing or poor engineering? I honestly don't know. But as a stage 0 or maybe stage 1 person, I don't think that I or civilization for that matter is ready for a 128-bit internet. And we aren't even close to needing so many bits.

Going back to 64-bit processors and memory. We've passed 32 bit address width about a decade ago. But even now, we're only at about twice that size on average. We're not even close to saturating 64-bit address width, and that will likely take at least a few hundred years as well. I'd say that's more than sufficient. The internet should've really become a 64-bit internet too.

Isn't he the best?

Go to mars? YES!! MORE TIMEZONES TO SUPPORT! (ง°ل͜°)ง

Why write any specs anymore? The juniors don't read them, nor do the product managers. I'm just talking to myself at this point.

So, I waste time writing these nice detailed tickets, then when I go to review the pull request, the whole pile of horseshit is half done, and when I ask the product managers for resolutions, they don't have a clue either.

So just give me the whole fucking app, I'll do the whole damn thing myself. See you on Mars in 2025 while you and your pleb asses serve me fries and burgers.

How IT people see each other

!Dev

Can't stand it when you excitedly mention the Mars rover (or anything space related) to someone and they say "Yeah but what's the point you could be feeding the poor or sorting out the environment with that money instead"

...yeah, you could. Or you could be doing that with money from the army instead. Or football. Or any other popular sport. Or yaknow, you could personally be doing that rather than spending all your salary on crappy clothes you're going to throw away in a few months anyway.

And that's not even mentioning the jobs it creates, the people it inspires to go into science + tech fields, the scientific advances it makes for humanity, etc. If you're that against scientific advancement then please, by all means surrender your possessions and just go live in a cave somewhere.

Broken app is broken again. This app is broken so often and so hard, I'm struggling to give a damn.

These fuckers need to take their shitty project, code and managers especially, and launch them into Mars

They blame us and everyone else for their shit and I'm done with it. I need to sleep and not have these fools call me at all fucking hours.

Trying to use stack overflow driven development (SODD) on my inherited 10 year old php project

Elon Musk: I'm putting people on Mars!
Developers: Fantastic, more timezones to support.

Credit: @iamdevloper

Nice try MS😎

There's only a fine line between a critical issue and a dramatic client.

And by fine, I mean (the size of yo momma + the distance between earth and mars) / the teeny weeny fraction of the fucks that I give.

When I’m at work I can’t wait to get home to work on personal projects only to get home with no energy and just procrastinate and/or play games entire weekend/afternoon.
Think is i also feel extremely guilty if i try to relax and do nothing, but at the same time able to understand that i need time to chill, just can’t get in a positive mindset about it. Am i the only one?

Am I the only one who thinks recruitment processes are lower quality the more the industry evolves?

I just shocked an interviewer by saying i’m not checking all their boxes from the ad, after being pushed by their hr to take the interview, regardless beeing made sure by HR thats not a problem.

After interview radio silence. i don’t get it...first you headhunt someone, spend 3 weeks in convincing for an on-site and then you can’t even bother sending a “Dude you are not what we look for in the end” mail?

Guess I ask too much from recruiters, did anyone else encountered this?

I recently started working with CI/CD in gitlab. I don't know why I had such a hard time getting it to work. I left it hanging for another day. Yesterday, before I went to sleep, I merged to master branch. On waking up I can't explain my happiness when I saw my pipeline... 😀

Its happening, the lunar eclipse... Mars on the right. Wish I had a telescope.

#1 life lesson learned from coding:
Don't work on projects for the government or any authority EVER!

Statistics never lies.

We're fakked.

The entire fucking internet is an unusable pile of shit. Why is it that every time I click on LITERALLY ANY link on google and I start reading, 2 seconds later the text shifts to an other location because the fucking font loads, 3 seconds later it fucking moves again because a god damn ad just loaded above it, and after all the loading bullshit is done it shoves a fucking cookie banner (that usually covers half the page) and a fucking newsletter popup in my face. This makes it literally impossible to quickly read someting on a website without interruption. It's fucking 2020 and we bout to put a fucking man on mars, yet the technology still isn't advanced enough to make the internet less fucking annoying.

BE GONE CLOWN!!!! MAY YOU BE CAST BACK UNTO THE DEPTHS FROM WHICH YOU HAVE SPRUNG!!!!!

🪄✨

👻👹👺

🤡

can't wait to be absolutely fuck you rich while the clowns continue to fumble around in the sandbox for the next 5 years 🪣⛏️😂😂😂

all those years, crouched over a laptop, learning React, then TypeScript, then PostgreSQL, then .NET, then React Hooks, then Redux Toolkit, then Golang, then GraphQL, and even RabbitMQ and gRPC mixed in... more and more and more............ IT'S TIME TO SPREAD MY WINGS AND FUCKING FLY BABY!!!!!

why work for clueless clowns when your own technical know-how is literally 1000x (or perhaps infinitely) theirs? Was I an idiot? Yes, I was! Way too nice and I bought into the hype fake idiot brain culture, but now I've finally woken up. Time to ascend to the stars by myself.

Cheers devRant, this 🤡 is finally going to transform into a 👨‍🚀🚀

You may not hear from me for a while sadly, but I'll be sure you guys get the first shoutout - see you on 🪐

!rant
I have come to realize, after a long time in programming and using libraries, that spending time to read their documentation saves me time in the long run

The world is talking about AI, self-driving cars, big data, IOT and there are roboter driving around on Mars.
And here I stand, trying to figure out why a small change in a silly batch-script works on Windows7 and raises an error on Windows XP.
In 2020.

Top 3 worst events in human history

3. Black death
2. World war 2
1. The advent of JavaScript

Some say we could have colonized mars by now if not for the number of years society has been (and still is being) set back by this atrocious pile of slug

I use a library and it gives me some strange error message. No problemo, just file an issue on GitHub asking the maintainer if I'm plain stupid or the lib actually has a flaw. As it was a question, I have not posted a dump and all the shit.
Maintainer responds with a snarky comment about his crystal ball being broken and I have to submit a log, a dump, debug information and a bunch of other stuff.
Well, what choice do I have, I collect all the requested information, create a wall of text comment, all nicely formatted.
And the issue ends here. Myths say, the maintainer got asked to join Elvis on Mars.

I mean, why do you ask all the shit from me in a unprofessional manner just to stop answering? Just say "I have no clue why it behaves like this" and I know whats playin. But that's just ... sad.

So cygwin set up failed and it came up at 100+% 😂😂😂

i just failed a test in my coding class because i put = instead of ==. yikes i feel dumb.

Finally, I have waited for these too long

Just finished recruiting processes with 3 companies and I’m afraid that in 2 more years, you will need a masters and to have worked on the Mars rover in order to get a jr position.

Loving the new update. And the nav bar is just👌

I have this login page on my app. A user (a number of them actually) told me that they can't log in because the app tells them to "login in later". 😨

Is my button for deciding to login later so poorly designed that it looks like a message?

And the only way you can log in later is by pressing the frikin button, how does a person, with a smart phone tell me for the second time that its telling them to log in later

"Top Neural Network Projects for Beginners 2020"

1. Selfdriving Car with Ability to Transform and Fly To Mars in 6 Days

One of my worst WFT moments was just over 2 years ago.

A former colleague had been tasked with “upgrading” our solution for handling customer specific CSS on our platform for building newsletter emails.

He had been with us for about 5 years and ported most of the front end gui over that time from classic asp to .net and C#.

This work started in November and with a pause over dec-mid jan for high season and Christmas leave he continued.

In the beginning if mars we had the first of multiple WTF on that when I realized that his solution required a lot of special CSS or rather LESS, more than the a actual HTML for the template, and all was custom less rules that was very hard to understand.

We found that he actually never really understood how LESS worked and had tried to do things in a very backward way. Another colleague jumped in and manage to clean it up a bit so it got down to manageable levels.

Then in the end of Mars came the next bigger WTF. This is a newsletter building application. Turns out the new LESS based solution was entirely dependent on the js version of LESS and only worked when running in the browser. Guess what, the email send engine is not a browser and css classes and rules generally does not work in emails.

The new solution was impossible to integrate with the part that built and sent the emails without some very heavy rework.

Oh, and it was also completely incompatible with 12 years of old newsletters and customer templates that just did not work.

And of cause, he had not shown any of this in code reviews but rather just merged it part by part to the new version branch interleaving it with 5 months of other work.

He left the company short after.

No need to think small when you have eternity to work with. Right now I am building a network operating system, something I've started around 2 years ago. I expect to have an installable and more or less usable system in maybe a few more years.

When I would have an eternity to work with, I'd first look to make our planet redundant. It's insane to imagine that we only have this blue marble to work with, while we have a fireball of hell as a neighbor in our cosmic neighborhood. What even happened there? I'd like to find out. Granted Musk is already figuring out Mars, and he has the money for it while I don't. I don't like the man all that much (too much marketing wank) but hey, at least he's got us covered there.

Maybe one day we could live forever. Maybe we could map and upload our minds. Maybe we could replace our entire body with synthetic components when the frail meat-based components inevitably fail. Perhaps it could even happen in our lifetime, at the pace technology is progressing at. If and when that happens, sign me up!

Those who code their software with no standard are those people who once attempt to launch themselves to Mars with a catapult.

Issue in production. Multi billion dollar enterprise. Complex landscape. We sort of make things.

Turns out there is a single point of failure at a specific integration point. Kind of a lot stopped. When I reached out to the people knowing anything about it and I raised the issue that maybe we should make a slight change in how we do things they just brushed it off. Like it was nothing… 😬

No data was lost but everything was delayed for many hours. The _truth_ varied in different parts of the ecosystem causing potential wrong or suboptimal decisions to be taken.

When I asked why this LOS was not detected they told be they have no means of detecting it. 😬

I’m like, yeah, it’s 2023, we’re going to land on Mars and you can bet your ass we can detect it and you are just LAZY DEVELOPERS!

Anyway, I escalated (nicely) and they are now implementing a (more) resilient system and we’re helping the team detecting THEIR LOS in minutes instead of downstream services hours later (they are bad also but it’s not their fault!)

Stay safe!

My dad: "Oh yeah, JavaScript, Java, I know that stuff! You know the Mars Rover is actually using JavaScript?"
Me: "Oh is it now?"
Dad: "Yeah lots of things use Java"
Me: "You mean JavaScript?"
Dad: "Yeah Java, JavaScript, you know like building website forms"
Me:" Yeah I know, yeah, I, know... -_-"

In 1896, Percival Lowell saw straight channels on Venus. He was excited, because he'll gonna get reach — at that time, the award was in place for anyone who finds intelligent life on any other planet but Earth and Mars.

Why Mars? Because astronomers were seeing straight channels there too.

But bright Venus made this clear once and for all.

The patterns astronomers were seeing...

...were their own eyes.

That guy that keeps putting print statements in the code for the rest of us to hunt down instead of using a debugger... If i ever find out who you are, i will go full Liam Neeson on your ass...

When Musk lands us on mars and we set up WiFi please don't send us links with those pop-up ads

My boss wants me to make a web application in .NET, it's like asking a Android developer to build the app for iOS as well.
Note: Im a PHP developer

A 2d simulation of the mars rover curiosity and its commandControl station. Pure java. The two components talk to each other via apache-kafka. Rover has its own operating system (kernel) and resource management. Hooked up some sensors to NASA API.

There is no Coronavirus on Mars.

A pretty safe place to live or we will infect it.

!dev && random == true

Venus (top), Jupiter (bottom). There's a star (Antares) there to make it triangle but the star is dim to get caught by my crappy phone camera.

I've always fascinated by the night sky. Nevermind the mission to travel to Mars, the only matters now is how beautiful the night sky is but a lot of us don't get access to it because of light pollution. It's kinda sad that I need to go outside of the cities to see more of what the sky has to offer. I really wish everyone can see and appreciate it once in a while.

F*ck Programming!

I just wanna live on Mars and forget this all.

JK. I need a job.

Happened in December, had devs from "big" companies coming over to our start up and doing a sprint with us. Very humbling 🙂

My ideal job (which very fortunately my current one), is best described by Troy from Community is, "a job that looks from a distance like I do nothing", (or at least that's what my parents think I do -- nothing).

Self rant!
I'm 27, starting my goddamn first year of computer science in the University.
By the time I'll be done I'm going to be obsolete...
Let me know how good/bad my situation is...
How old are you guys? How many years of experience have you got?

so i have to practice on codewars for homework and my code.. doesnt work! what a surprise. i was wondering if anyone could tell me whats wrong since yall are professionals. its probably a stupid mistake. this is the challenge: Implement a method that excepts three integer values a, b, c. The message return true if a triangle can be built with the sides of given length and false in any other case.

YOU FUCKING FUCK APPLE GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER DAMN IT!
Left work 4 hours ago and guess what fucking ipa file did not get uploaded to app store, why? no one fucking knows! I admit 4Mbit speed isn't fast but if a tiny interruption happens to the mac's connection apploader will simply drop the upload!
I don't understand NASA was able to reach Mars and Apple fails to make a fucking decent file uploader !!!!
Now I will be going to waste two fucking hours tomorrow morning for the fucking file to be uploaded!

What if an enormous asteroid hits the entirety of earth and all our codebase, hardwork, passion, and js frameworks get wiped out?

When you see a monitor with this error message on it:

Alert: Keyboard not found.
Press F12 to continue.

😂

Elon Musk doesn’t know what consequences his plan has 🤨

Musk: I‘m putting people on Mars!
Developers: Fantastic, more timezones to support 😑

Eclipse Mars and Firefox

When my tests pass AND CI succeeds. Or just when my php code works haha

Applying Occam's razor and I might be wrong..

Hiring a candidate and job hunt, both are fucking exhaustive process.

We, as a human race, have aimed for Moon and Mars but are unable to solve the problem at hand which can save millions of hours each year reflecting in immediate cost savings.

Here's my (idealistic) solution:

A product to connect job seekers and recruiters eliminating all the shitty complexities.

LinkedIn solved it, but then hired some PMs who started chasing metrics and bloated the fuck out of the product.

Here are some features of the product I am envisioning:

1. Job seeker signs up and builds their entire profile.

2. Ability to add/remove different sections (limited choices like certifications, projects, etc.), no custom shit allowed because each will have their own shit.

3. By default accept GDPR, Gender Identity, US equality laws, Vetran, yada yada..

4. No resume needed. Profile serves as resume. Eliminate the need to build a resume in word or resume builders.

5. Easy updates and no external resume, saves the job seeker time and gives a standard structure to recruiters to scan through eliminating cognitive load.

6. Recruiters can post their jobs and have similar sections (limited categories again).

7. Add GDPR, Vetran, etc. check boxes need basis.

8. No social shit. Recruiters can see profiles of job seekers and job seekers can see jobs. Period.

9. Employee working in Google? Awesome. Will not show Google recruiters thier profile and employee such job posts.

10. No need to apply or hunt heads. System will automatch and recommend because we are fucking in AI generation and how hard it is to match keywords!!

11. Saves job seekers and recruiters a fuck ton of time hunting the best fit.

12. This system gets you the best job that fits your profile.

Yes, there are flaws in this idea.

Yes, not all use cases are covered.

Yes, shit can be improved and this is hypothetical.

But hey! Surely doable with high impact than going on Moon or Mars right now.

Start-up world has lost its way.

Today I had a weird dream. The mars was collapsing to earth. Weird part was when everybody panicking and screaming I was watching it getting bigger and bigger every second. I was like "woah, this is amazing". I knew there was no point being scared because everyone will die anyway. I embraced death and enjoyed my last moments. That was realy weird experience.

InSight Mars landing in 8h. Fucking Hyyyyyyyyppppee.

Been working for a guy who seems not to care about his employees... Haven't been paid for the last 3 months of 2016.
Now my internet bill comes tomorrow I have nothing. What a way to begin 2017

You know that moment, when you look for something on wikipedia, and after few hiperlinks you are reading about influence of penguins on Mars' day length or othen nonsense?

Just happened to me like 4th time when reading Django documentation. It is so well written and easy to understand, that I just click and click and want to go deeper, and then realise I have to read what I need, because I never ever got to it in the first place.

Gotta love the people who make such docs. I never could, and prbly will.

A colleague of mine was assigned to do a manual testing of application. It involved testing application in no-network / offline conditions.
While doing this he disconnected the virtual ethernet of Remote desktop thus crashing the VM forever....

Dear Elon Musk, send him to Mars right away.

You think you are fucked until you realize that Matt Daemon is lost in mars with win xp.damn you nasa, you cheap bastards! (photo taken by me during the film) no spoilers please, i haven't finished it yet

And here they are in action :-)

Setup internet on Mars and communication between Mars & Earth

So Vivo made a bezeless phone this time
But guess what its again gonna contain a fucking kazillion Megapixel Selfie camera with Mars Light Flash to make you look Unique paired with a shit mediatek Processor.
Also,
They have got stones from krypton and their next phone is gonna have krypton light flash just so the fuckin superman can't use that just because they partnered with marvel to get infinity stones so that they can use them in their later phones as a light for the selfie flash.
Guess what? Thanos preodered it ..
Well Played Vivo

back in 2011, when a friend of mine was learning C and he told me he can control a micro controller remotely, and he actually showed me a video of that happening, that's when I decided to be a developer

We plan to colonize Mars in the coming years, but hell we're still unable to properly air cool a bus for god sake

I’m driving out to Cape Canaveral early on Feb 6 to see if I can get a good view of the first Falcon Heavy launch. The space geek in me can hardly handle the cool factor of Elon Musk having built a rocket company to send a car from his car company to ever lovin’ Sol/Mars orbit. If it scrubs, I’ll keep going out there until it launches. Wish me luck!

I'm stuck...I life in small city, there is like 3-6 Web programming companies...my salary just got smaller for no reason...and I'm programming with fuckin Magento... I'm really want to live on Mars, alone.

I know I'm gonna get flak for mentioning Facebook. But to mark the launch tomorrow and our progression to a mission to Mars, I made an automated NodeJS script.

The script gets the most recent collection of photos taken by the Curiosity rover via NASA's API and chooses one at random. The image is then posted to a Facebook page for a nice little update on what the lil Mars homie is up to.

Since it's image based, I'll work on adding it to Instagram too.

Do you guys have a dress code in your office?
Do you think that having a dress code is important?

me: builds a python-script to transport data in .json-format into a config-file written in .xml for a coworker
my boss: "I am glad you have earned yourself a reputation as the 'programmer' in our team"

Redux is absolute fucking insanity. There is no way in hell there isn't a better way to do this. Absolutely unintelligible, convoluted piece of garbage.

1. Creativity - you can create anything from typing words and a little electricity - office programs, new medicines, predicting cancer from images, robots, planes, satellites, rockets that put people to the Moon or robots to Mars - all use machines programmed with code.

2. Challenge - some of the projects and algorithms are so complicated that full understanding of them is great challenge.

3. Freedom - you only need a laptop and internet and a bit of electricity and you can code from anywhere on Earth or if you’re Astronaut you can even code from space.

memo to myself: do never take government contracts again

Recep Tayyip Erdogan had a problem — after his army service, he got so used to cold that he could only sleep on a raw, cold metal grill. Usually, normal people put mattress on top, but Erdogan didn’t feel right this way. So, in one of his personal prisons, he established a social project for making a full metal bed for himself.

For starters, to calculate the shape, he took the smallest man ever (3 inches high) with his fingers and sunk him into molten plastic. “What are you doing?! It hurts!” — man screamed. “Shut up. You’re on an important mission. Your motherland won’t forget you.”
After three months, the bed was ready. It was more of the same — metal bars, but this time with some kind of structure built of metal hinges, rebar and strong springs. This was the day — this was the big reveal event. It took place in the same prison — three prisoners were ready to lay on their new full metal beds, while news crews congratulated Erdogan and celebrated his greatness. “Well, it is time!” — he said.
Prisoners laid flat. An awful screeching sound. Prisoner number two is bleeding out. The spring mechanism broke out and impaled his chest onto a large metal bar. He’s not breathing.
“Shut it down. Shut it all down. No more cameras, no more news”, — said Erdogan.
“Yes, our master”, — said news crews.

They wanted to draft me to Afghanistan.
“No!”, — a young officer shouted, misgendering me — “He doesn’t know the stages of pain. Useless.”
“Are you perhaps arguing pain with a bipolar patient?” — I replied.
“You are a rave. Nothing but a rave.”

Raves spawned near your doors at night. Sometimes, they even spawned on the inside. I can’t say you were in danger, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant thing to happen to anyone. They looked ugly. They dressed weird. They spoke in riddles.
“How do I move to Europe?”, — a rave asked.
“I…”
“Shut up!”
Rave took a door, suspiciously painted over and over multiple times, and started to slam my door with it, using it as a ram.
My door started giving in.

Alarm system.
On a separate note, to disable the alarm system, you have to speedrun Stanley Parable. It’s the hardest speedrun ever, specifically its hidden ending. It disables all alarm systems in three-mile radius IRL. No one knows how it works, but it does. Back to the danger zone!

“The better quality time you spend sitting on your toilet, the more you’ll live.”, — an officer said.
“I once had a girl blow me while I was shitting,” — Matthias replied — “You have nothing on me.”
“Fair enough!”

It is a little known fact, but the liquid that Northern cities use to clean up snow isn’t quite what it seems like. It’s not salt — in reality, there are bases on Mars, and they store pink goo that… “iMpRoVeS” dead bodies. The liquid is biological in nature, and it expires. Expired liquid is recycled as snow melter. You learn that in high school, but now, living on a train, you should know that there are special learning rooms here, in every. single. carriage. The small gym ball with two handles on its sides is called Gandhi ball. Fun fact: if you wear headless Segways on top of your shoes, and then lay flat holding a Gandhi ball, you can reach the speed of 270 kph!

Today’s news: a Reddit moderator and a legless woman gave birth to a living sex toy for their domestic boar.

Had a dream about computers on earth mostly stopping working for no apparent reason, yes, again. But this time, they still work on Mars, so we go there, at least some of us. UAC-esque, Doom 3-ish aesthetics, but in a good way, no death and no darkness. No hell plot though, we’re all fine. Both earth and mars are equally semi-livable, but in different ways. For some reason, we can’t ship new CPUs to mars, and 775 pentium considered a good CPU. We use SQL and HDDs. Elon is also there, but he’s nothing, a peasant compared to other scientists and engineers who are a part of the exodus. I had some problems with food and shelter initially, but @netikras helped me

Fuck you Android ! Why the fuck does making my fucking status bar transparent has to be more difficult than launching a mars mission with a team of chimpanzees. I have been trying everything from xml styles to fucking java code but the status bar won't take the tint. Been at this fucking shit for 2 days

Rant: there's people in the world who don't properly venerate Elon Musk and they are wrong and it's a tragedy and there's even those who dislike him and I find that absolutely abhorrent.

I'd love to work for NASA or Space X and be one of the first to colonize mars. Should that not work out, I also really want to work for Google and do some freelance work on the side maybe. And all of that is only true if by then I haven't created the next big tech thing.

Me: Writing js using vi
Also me: Hello darkness my old friend...

Clock: Friday, 15:45 PM - just go home now, idiot!
My stupid ass: Makes substantial changes to the code I have been working on and breaks it.

I don't fear sending people to Mars.

I fear the Spirit rover suddenly popping back online.

What does world in Hello World refer to? If it refers to the earth then we got a big problem coming up when people start going to Mars. Programming books have to be changed etc.

Just spent 30 mins vertically centering a damn image in a two-column Bootstrap row. Yeah, flexbox is great unless you want to stack the columns at mobile screen size like they do with Bootstrap normally. Then everything breaks and the original ugly hack just gets replaced by a slightly lesser evil.

I really hope that we sort this out somehow before colonising Mars.

imagine the guys in the datacenter are switching out power distribution units - and suddenly your productive database cluster reboots :)

Github Down - This is just another rant about Github being down.

[Imagine Github's Rainbow Unicorn Here]

How many programming languages do you guys know?

Me to my peer: "Yo the code that they sent us works but it sucks and is insecure"
My peer: "Yo that sucks they should definitely change that, go submit a ticket so they change it up, that really sucks!"
Me: *prepares ticket, gets it checked by peer:
My peer: YOoOoO U cAnT tElL tHeM tO cHaNgE oR tElL tHeM hOw tO wRiTe tHeIr CoDe ThAt ThEy DeLiVeR tO uS!1!1!eleven
--
classics

Honestly, who here would volunteer to be the first to go to Mars?

Javascript never ceases to amaze me.

0.3 - 0.1 = 0.199999999999998

😁😁😁

However hard you try Google, I’ll forever be confused between your Maps’ and Photos’ icons.

Sometimes Idk if it's MARS (a MIPS Assembly simulator) slowing down progressively on my laptop on purpose, or if my specs just can't take my runs of my Space Invaders project that was due for today, but...
With the parameters I put for my PC, it worked just great. But on the university PC, I can't tell what's worse between playing my game or playing Touhou 6 at 650FPS.

I know the price to get 13Kg of cargo to Mars, why do I have to get a quote from a sales person for some dumbass web app?

Im not sure if I can put a awk love thing here but it happened at work and this is a rant so here we go:

I told my coworker that I like someone at work and they promised they wouldn't tell a soul. I was trying to work in the kitchen today and this ass ( sorry for swearing but I'm mad) says really loudly OH WHO DO U LIKE HUH IS IT FROM BLAH BLAH COMPANY HUH?
The crush was there and so were his bffs. And they heard.. u could hear this from the north pole all the way to the south pole.. Uranus, mars, IT GOES ON...... I felt so embrassed and had an anxiety attack. And maybe im dramatic but I didn't know how to deal with this situation and I'm a shy person so I was so angry my coworker betrayed my trust and told people and like now people r teasing me. I can't even look at my crush .... I was friends with my crushes bff ... I was too embrassed to say anything.... Sigh
My crush has a partner. It's not right to act IN A PROFESSIONAL ENVIRONMENT PEOPLE.
what do I even do omg. How do I even GO ON FROM HERE.
I NEED A NEW JOB A NEW IDENTITY A NEW LIFE

A book called "Mastering C" and the Digital Mars C++ compiler on a Windows 98 machine in 2000

I would end up on top of any other trend thing needed by humanity.

Possible outcomes:

- building better AI's, building better robots
- neural networking
- quantum computing
- robot dating service
- artificial life
- holodeck design and construction
- free energy (any kind)
- running a private space shipyard
- research into new and unknown technology

And last, if nothing works, I would open up a deli on Mars. The robots would make the food anyway, I would probably only program the menu and fix them when they malfunction.

Yesterday evening: committed my day's work to git. Tested everything and it all worked like a charm apart from a bug in my seeder I intended to fix today.

Today: failed to fix the error for 6 hours. Decided to go back to my commit from the day before only to discover now even my migrations won't work anymore.

Ready to smash my laptop

#whydoivencommit?

That feeling when you add a shitload of code and it works from the first time

I started with Java in March 2013, then C, C++,C#, which were done just for the sake of knowing them. 3 years later I do make apps for android. :-)

My boss tells sets the tasks, and supervisor assigns them to the dev team. It should be as smooth as that simple sentence, but it just isn't. Boss sucks at communicating his ideas clear enough, so we're left scrambling on ourselves trying to guess and develop what he needs, and when we deliver it, boss says it's not what he asked! It's my first job as a self-taught frontend developer, but the lack of structure and clear objectives of the project got me so stressed out that I'm thinking about looking for another job.

Joined a new project.
The core of the application has references to pretty much everything in the entire codebase, both api and database layer.
On top of that it uses extension methods instead of mappers or normal methods on classes in order to "keep classes short", so many methods are unnecessarily hidden from view.

Tried to fix it, got told to revert back to the old version because "it might be wrong, but at least it's wrong everwhere". Guess I'm making bolognese for dinner.

When is the next space shuttle leaving for mars or moon? Have got to relocate out of this world. Pls who got SpaceX booking phone number. Or elon musk addy?.😔😔 you ask why? I need a geek gf and i can't find one on planet earth..😳😳😳

That time when you ask colleague on different project to paste their code, pastes 2000 lines of code with no indents...whyyyyy?!?

If software crashes on Mars and no one's around does it still make a developer scream?

My first experience with a computer was actually sitting on my dad's lap and watching him play world of warcraft - and damn, that hit hard

Android, recently learning js and liking it. Guess fullstack is my area🤔

imagine you "manage" your applications firewall rules by writing them into spreadsheets and sending them to the fw-admins to implement them

imagine they don't implement exactly what you tell them / implement rules for you that you did not ask for

also imagine it is crucial that you have a reliable source of information about what firewall rules are and are not implemented for your application, because the firewall-guys cant simply check and tell you what rules are implemented for your application

:o

I am a stupid monkey that spilled coffee all over his keyboard, and now it seems to be EOL.

Looking for some "inspiration" - what keyboards (and mice, might also just buy a whole new set) are you guys using?