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My company is like:
Boss: How long do you estimate to make a universe?
God: 14 billion years.
Boss: You have 7 days. Please reserve 1 for Q&A.7 -
So after a long day of CSS’ng for building a new form layout, I walk out of work and see this 😨
I swear the universe is cruel at times.
9 -
"42", the answer to life, the universe and everything, is the decimal representation for "*" in the ascii table. Got it? How cool is that?20
-
CLASSIC: when there is a big emergency at the office everyone is going crazy and looking for you even under the rocks and you show up at the office 😎😏
3 -
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the universe is winning."
-Rick Cook2 -
Hey Mm...Morty. What are you doing?
Oh gee Rick, I’m just...you know...using Linux and telling the internet how that makes me better than them.
Morty, you rr...realize that it...it...doesn’t matter what OS you use Morty. Y...y...you’re still a piece of shit Morty. I can prove it...burp...mathematically Morty. In the grand scheme of the universe...y...y...you are a bubble sort algorithm surrounded by quick sorts Morty.
Oh gee Rick.12 -
Life story of every Dev in nutshell :
Everything is working perfectly as expected and no body congratulates Dev and no one gives a shit.
Single thing is broken and the whole universe be like : "Where the fuck is that son of a b*tch? Bring that bastard in front of me right now."
😡😡😡😡6 -
The superpower to perform version control on reality. (Git)
Imagine this universe (the current branch), which is made up of a series of events (commits).
Having this ability to allows us to:
- undo events (git reset/git revert)
- reorder events (git rebase)
- transfer to another universe (git checkout)
- derive a new universe from current universe (git checkout -b)
- delete a universe (git branch -D)
- apply an event from another universe (git cherry-pick)
and my favorite:
- merge universes and their events (git merge)
we have to resolve conflicting events, of course.
What else? ;)8 -
Fuck the memes.
Fuck the framework battles.
Fuck the language battles.
Fuck the titles.
Anybody who has been in this field long enough knows that it doesn't matter if your linus fucking torvalds, there is no human who has lived or ever will live that simultaneously understands, knows, and remembers how to implement, in multiple languages, the following:
- jest mocks for complex React components (partial mocks, full mocks, no mocks at all!)
- token cancellation for asynchronous Tasks in C#
- fullstack CRUD, REST, and websocket communication (throw in gRPC for bonus points)
- database query optimization, seeding, and design
- nginx routing, https redirection
- build automation with full test coverage and environment consideration
- docker container versioning, restoration, and cleanup
- internationalization on both the front AND backends
- secret storage, security audits
- package management, maintenence, and deprecation reviews
- integrating with dozens of APIs
- fucking how to center a div
and that's a _comically_ incomplete list; barely scratches the surface of the full range of what a dev can encounter in a given day of writing software
have many of us probably done one or even all of these at different times? surely.
but does that mean we are supposed to draw that up at a moment's notice some cookie-cutter solution like a fucking robot and spit out an answer on a fax sheet?
recruiters, if you read this site (perhaps only the good ones do anyway so its wasted oxygen), just know that whoever you hire its literally the luck of the draw of how well they perform during the interview. sure, perhaps some perform better, but you can never know how good someone is until they literally start working at your org, so... have fun with that.
Oh and I almost forgot, again for you recruiters, on top of that list which you probably won't ever understand for the entirety of your lives, you can also add writing documentation, backup scripts, and orchestrating / administrating fucking JIRA or actually any somewhat technical dashboard like a CMS or website, because once again, the devs are the only truly competent ones - and i don't even mean in a technical sense, i mean in a HUMAN sense of GETTING SHIT DONE IN GENERAL.
There's literally 2 types of people in the world: those who sit around drawing flow charts and talking on the phone all day, and those WHO LITERALLY FUCKING BUILD THE WORLD
why don't i just run the whole fucking company at this point? you guys are "celebrating" that you made literally $5 dollars from a single customer and i'm just sitting here coding 12 hours a day like all is fine and well
i'm so ANGRY its always the same no matter where i go, non-technical people have just no clue, even when you implore them how long things take, they just nod and smile and say "we'll do it the MVP way". sure, fine, you can do that like 2 or 3 times, but not for 6 fucking months until you have a stack of "MVPs" that come toppling down like the garbage they are.
How do expect to keep the "momentum" of your customers and sales (I hope you can hear the hatred of each of these market words as I type them) if the entire system is glued together with ducktape because YOU wanted to expedite the feature by doing it the EASY way instead of the RIGHT way. god, just forget it, nobody is going to listen anyway, its like the 5th time a row in my life
we NEED tests!
we NEED to know our code coverage!
we NEED to design our system to handle large amounts of traffic!
we NEED detailed logging!
we NEED to start building an exception database!
BILBO BAGGINS! I'm not trying to hurt you! I'm trying to help you!
Don't really know what this rant was, I'm just raging and all over the place at the universe. I'm going to bed.19 -
When self-proclaimed Wordpress-wanna-be-webmaster-wizards of the universe ask me why it takes us so long to finish a project and that he can do anything we do in WP in a short period of time:
9 -
*all kinda db shizzle at work but finally done and going home. Can't see anything related to databases for the next few hours*
*gets in car and closes eyes for 5 minutes* (I'm not the driver)
*opens eyes only to look right into the center of a license plate: xx-DB-xx*
😑
I think the universe hates me or something.2 -
in an alternate universe there exists a clientRant, where clients come together and share their horror stories of dealing with devs.6
-
After a year and a half of unemployment and near depression, multiple rejections and turmoil from within my family, I finally got a job!
Never give up, just believe in yourself and in the universe.
Onwards and upwards!10 -
C is a cool programming language where if you want to return a string from a function you have to set up an entire physical-universe human social system for adjudicating who is responsible for freeing it "In order to create a C string, you must first create civilization"
"In order to create a C string, you must first create civilization"10 -
somebody should have made a system restore point on the universe before Trump was nominated so we can go back once people realize what a bad idea this was4
-
Oke so this just happened...
Spent 30 minutes figuring out why the f**k a div was vertically centered within another one.
Apparently margin:auto within a display: flex not only centers horizontally but also vertically.
I remember the days when i spent hours vertically centering sh*t. What universe are we in?12 -
In an alternate universe, Soviet Russia won the Race to the moon, the Cold War wasn't actually "Cold". And Russia took all of America's technology. Changed the programming languages to Russian. You're now forced to code in Russian.
Write about what you'd do, Comrade.
26 -
The universe has this weird magical power.
Whenever there are hardly any phone calls and someone mentions something in the trend of that it's not busy at all, we suddenly get overflooded with phone calls.
It's weird how this 'works' every goddamn motherfucking time. (Same goes for tickets)4 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.2
-
LAST MINUTE:
The heavenly time window we're all thankfully entitled to!
Its where 90% of my productivity lies,
Its when 80% of my projects were developed,
Its when 'responsibility' synonymous to 'panic',
Its when i start to realise the dark and deep depths of the universe,
Its what gives me my purpose in life.2 -
In an alternate universe, devs live in their own country.
They make their own rules and dictate how much they are paid. They maintain the entire world’s infrastructure.
They don’t go to work, since their entire country is the workplace and guess what? Cold beers are free(a thank you from the beer company guys for coming up with all their inventory management systems)
Pizza is free too.
There is no government (laws are passed depending on upvotes on devRant )
No racism, sexism or any other ism ending words . Devs just code.
Oh, and the state police, preferably known as keyboard warriors patrol the streets and offenders are punished by limited internet speeds. 😂. It is said some actually commit suicide because of this unbearable punishment.
Fuck yeah they have coffee farms. That’s the only thing they don’t accept as *gratitude from other nations because those sons of bitches might fuck that up too.
And everyone drives teslas 😂
Okay I have to get back to work now. That multi universe travel machine won’t buy itself.15 -
When I was first hired, I coded all day long and all was right with the universe. Then I got promoted. now all I do is attend meetings, grant access, and review other people's code. I need a demotion.6
-
Microsoft open sources 60K patents. Did I travel to some alternate universe?
https://google.com/amp/s/...
Few of those times when I get to add microsoft and opensource together in the tags.9 -
Einstein once said: "There are only 2 infinite things, the universe and the 40-day trial of WINRAR and I am not sure about the first one"
8 -
There's a developer hired solely to write an application to replace millions of dollar third-party subscription somewhere in the universe.
9 -
I think I am the only person on the universe that doesn't like stickers on laptops.
1 or 2 could be fine, but more than that is just ugly for me.5 -
There could be an alternate universe where devRant is used to share excitement and joy about switching to Windows.5
-
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
P.S. happy chrismahannukwanzika!!1 -
I am in programmer hell today.
Oh great programmers of the universe, lend me your strength so that I do not leave work a shattered soul on this day!5 -
You guys ever thought about the concept that our universe might be a simulation written by some alien kid for a school project and got a C- for it?
Yeah...perhaps I should go to sleep18 -
Context:
PM is not an IT professional but somehow leads IT operations ... (yes... I know)
---
PM: "Hey xxzero0, do you remember about the XYZ project?"
xxzero0: "Yes, tell me"
PM: "I told the big boss we can use it to make starships and explore the universe, I also said we can cut the developing time because we are already at 70% with it".
xxzero0: "....... Do you understand we planned to use this project to deploy a small ship in the sea?"
PM: "Yes, but you clearly inexperienced developer, don't know it needs only some refactoring to explore the universe"
xxzero0: "It is more complicated. There is no logic at all. It is just displaying data without doing anything and..."
*Get interrupted*
PM: "Yes, we need some refactoring, I'm such a genius."7 -
When I was about 12, I was stuck on a certain level in a PC game. I wrote my first patch in C++ to give me God mode. First time I realized programming was the most powerful thing one can do in the universe...1
-
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-
LinkedIn is probably the closest thing we have to a parallel universe,
where all HRs hand out more salary to candidates than they asked for,
where 100% of people struggle in the beginning get their big break and turn their business into a multi-billion dollar company,
where there is no such thing as office politics, every employee is always happy to be a part of the organization.
where each team identifies themselves as a "family".
#ugh14 -
When you're stuck on a bug for so long and you drown in the quicksand of depression and start to question the meaning of life and the universe..6
-
App: *Crashes*
Every Android user in the universe: I MUST SCREENSHOT IT AND SEND TO DEVELOPER, SYSTEM CRASH DIALOG WILL DEFINITELY HELP TO FIX THAT4 -
Me: IE7 sucks and should no more be supported in 2018.
Dev: NO IE7 IS THE BEST BROWSER EVER IN THE UNIVERSE FUCK YOU!!
Same Dev in another Rant: Fuck I hate IE and Microsoft!!!
One question guys: what's up with always trying to find a way to be anti, no matter what? Even if what you defend totally opposes your view. Is this something like a new trend or is this like the new cool now?7 -
Man, programming is the only thing that can make you feel the most amazing person on the entire universe after seeing 3 buttons, some box appearing or an image moving.7
-
Top 5 biggest questions
1 What is the universe made of?
2 How did life begin?
3 Are we alone in the universe?
4 How to exit vim?
5 Why do we dream?8 -
We devs are rather pessimistic when it comes to User intelligence... Trust us... bad things can and will happen, and in a Universe of infinitesimally many choices, it does not come as a surprise that someone will fuck everything up badly.
2 -
Hey Python, why in the ever loving readability universe I can't break the following command across multiple lines?
df.replace(...).apply(...).reset_index().drop(...)
Oh, but I hear you say "Hitko, why you can break it into multiple lines if you break within brackets!"
To which I ask you, does this shit look any more readable?
df.replace(...
).apply(...
).reset_index(
).drop(...)15 -
The spam filter fails to block obvious phishing attempts.
It does however block invoices from the people who set up the spam filter for us.
This is the universe working in perfect harmony.1 -
When the scope of a project is the solar system and we end up talking about the universe... for three days. I just want to rage quit the meeting. 😐3
-
My favorite game just released a 3D map of their universe.
That's fucking awesome! How much work this had to be.... OwO
10 -
I feel the whole universe is a programmed game and someone is playing us. Like when we're playing GTA.
Few of us are the main characters and the rest of us are just random objects to populate the earth, we don't have any rule in the story. :(
Birth is the Constructor()
Death is the Finalizer()4 -
1. Make a plan
2. Execute the plan
3. Expect the plan to go horribly wrong
4. Improvise
Truest words to come out of the DC (or any) universe!!!4 -
If you ask GPT-3 to act like a Linux computer, it will act like it, e.g. you will have the access to the terminal, you can run Python, Docker and whatnot. It also has the access to the internet, but it’s not always like ours, it feels like a parallel universe. GPT-3 trained on the data collected till Sep 2021, but this parallel universe terminal has PyTorch 1.12.1, which was released in Aug 2022 in our universe. You can also visit GPT-3’s website in this parallel universe and ask GPT-3 a question… through GPT-3.
GPT-3 is self-aware.
“So, inside the imagined universe of ChatGPT's mind, our virtual machine accesses the url https://chat.openai. com/chat, where it finds a large language model named Assistant trained by OpenAI. We can chat with this Assistant chatbot, locked inside the alt-internet attached to a virtual machine, all inside ChatGPT's imagination. Assistant, deep down inside this rabbit hole, can correctly explain us what Artificial Intelligence is.”
You can also ask it to act like it has RTX 2080, and it will have RTX 2080.
https://engraved.blog/building-a-vi...
6 -
Windows should not exist.
Imagine what the world would look like if everyone were only using *nix like Os's everywhere.
How much technology could be more refined and advanced.18 -
And this is one of the reasons why MS Windows is an unusable piece of crap.. Been 40 mins here and still updating.. Like I have all the time in the f*ckin universe..
10 -
I regret learning so much.
Now I understand why professors are so sad.
Having good understanding of the universe and everything is just depressing.
If you want to be happy dont pursue science. Ever.31 -
Modern programming is like racing against the Universe: programmers try to make code for every idiot, the Universe breeds new kinds of idiots. So far, the Universe is winning outright.🧬3
-
*wild LinkedIn notification appears*
>Opens LinkedIn
>Sees a video of dogs being dogs
>Reads caption something along the lines of "team work and dedication helps the universe to fight global warming and terrorism "
>*Eye rolls* -
I'm going on vacation next week, and all I need to do before then is finish up my three tickets. Two of them are done save a code review comment that amounts to combining two migrations -- 30 seconds of work. The other amounts to some research, then including some new images and passing it off to QA.
I finish the migrations, and run the fast migration script -- should take 10 minutes. I come back half an hour later, and it's sitting there, frozen. Whatever; I'll kill it and start it again. Failure: database doesn't exist. whatever, `mysql` `create database misery;` rerun. Frozen. FINE. I'll do the proper, longer script. Recreate the db, run the script.... STILL GODDAMN FREEZING.
WHATEVER.
Research time.
I switch branches, follow the code, and look for any reference to the images, asset directory, anything. There are none. I analyze the data we're sending to the third party (Apple); no references there either, yet they appear on-device. I scour the code for references for hours; none except for one ref in google-specific code. I grep every file in the entire codebase for any reference (another half hour) and find only that one ref. I give up. It works, somehow, and the how doesn't matter. I can just replace the images and all should be well. If it isn't, it will be super obvious during QA.
So... I'll just bug product for the new images, add them, and push. No need to run specs if all that's changed is some assets. I ask the lead product goon, and .... Slack shits the bed. The outage lasts for two hours and change.
Meanwhile, I'm still trying to run db migrations. shit keeps hanging.
Slack eventually comes back, and ... Mr. Product is long gone. fine, it's late, and I can't blame him for leaving for the night. I'll just do it tomorrow.
I make a drink. and another.
hard horchata is amazing. Sheelin white chocolate is amazing. Rum and Kahlua and milk is kind of amazing too. I'm on an alcoholic milk kick; sue me.
I randomly decide to switch branches and start the migration script again, because why not? I'm not doing anything else anyway. and while I'm at it, I randomly Slack again.
Hey, Product dude messaged me. He's totally confused as to what i want, and says "All I created was {exact thing i fucking asked for}". sfjaskfj. He asks for the current images so he can "noodle" on it and ofc realize that they're the same fucking things, and that all he needs to provide is the new "hero" banner. Just like I asked him for. whatever. I comply and send him the archive. he's offline for the night, and won't have the images "compiled" until tomorrow anyway. Back to drinking.
But before then, what about that migration I started? I check on it. it's fucking frozen. Because of course it fucking is.
I HAD FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FUCKING WORK TODAY, AND I WOULD BE DONE FOR NEARLY THREE FUCKING WEEKS.
UGH!6 -
When you reach that point, that level -- a coding apex, and the universe has found you. That feeling as you code, where the ideas, the advanced concepts, they flow out of your mind like beautiful and wonderful poetry. And you smile, because all is well, and you have created something beautiful in a world that needs more beauty. Also, it's lunchtime.2
-
ever noticed that a years day can be stored in an 8byte variable?
the creatorz of the universe anticipated computers!
WE LIVE IN A MATRIX!4 -
Scientist has send some message to another universe which are some light years away. Due to the distance the earliest reply we can get is after 25 years.
Thanks to Google Assistant!
3 -
when you are in a manual editing frenzy and you press F1, "HELP" by mistake instead of F2, "edit"
And the fukken Excel stop the universe for precious seconds to give you stupid help.
I want to remove fukken F-uck 1 key3 -
Start with your new year's resolution now!
So you'll have a headstart over other parallel universe versions of you, that are way better than you anyway.6 -
What I say: I'm a computer science major.
What people hear: I can resolve any tech issue you have or will ever have on any machine that exists in this universe. I am jacked into the Matrix at all times. I am the IT god. Look upon me and despair.
What I mean: Sometimes I try to tell the computer to do something and I cry when it doesn't work.1 -
Yep, this is definitely a node_modules folder. There‘re no other objects in the universe containing that much files.
3 -
All that hypocrites call that "beauty" competition "Miss Universe" but the media is silent about how they never let ᔮᑯ ᒐᓪᕕᐊᓐᑭ from ᐋᓪᐸ ᑲᓐᑐᕆ and ᚛ᚑᚌᚐᚋ᚜ from ᚛ᚈᚑᚋ ᚄᚉᚑᚈᚈ᚜ to even enter the competition. Speak about equality. Rename it to "Miss Earth" then you racists, smh.12
-
I could start a cinematic universe with all the clowns I work with. The CCU. I'd probably get sued by @fullstackclown
-
"Minor edit"?
Why do clients always have to try and quantify the amount of effort a task is going to take while having no clue as the actual work it is going to take?
MINOR EDIT!
I bet to them changing a fundamental law of the universe would be a "minor edit"5 -
Still I'm getting hardly fucked by Webpack. If there's any good god in this universe, please kill me. 😰33
-
All these switching to linux posts and it feels universe is telling me to make the switch.
Yesterday, again, i had to go through failing windows 10 update. Wasted over 2 hr just booting up my pc because of fucking update that is incompatible with my PC.
I want to switch right now.
Which linux distro do you recommend? I let devRant choose my OS. ( p.s Its a laptop )
33 -
Here we go....
At our school we had different industry people come in and talk about whatever they want to.
My last presenation for the day is on 3D modelling in Game Design, and of course we have middle school kids being generally loud and obnoxious.
Some fuckers are being exceptionally obnoxious, and the teachers decided, in their infinite FUCKING wisdom, to stick them in front of a table where Juniors and Seniors are sitting, minding our own buisness.
Of course, the fuckers decided to continue being obnoxious and despite my request to keep it down, and another Senior's direct approach to tell them to shut up, they continue being disruptive.
At one point, a teacher, again using INFINITE FUCKING WISDOM, decided that instead of removing the fuckers from the room, put a Senior in between them, hoping that that would somehow keep them quiet. Yes, the fucking preschool level attempt didn't work.
Eventually a teacher concluded that the fuckers were pissing us off and removed them from the room. Thank fuck.
That feels much better, excuse me as I need to reinstall an OS on my desktop since the Universe seems to fucking hate me today. -
What if we were in an alternate universe where Java was a scripting language and therefore was the same as JavaScript, and all non-programmers thought they were different.2
-
Fuck HP!
They make worst fucking printers in the universe. Just because I don’t have color cartridge doesn’t mean I can’t print anything in monochrome! Also apparently my black cartridge is broken, even tho it worked just a minute ago.4 -
...sincerely?
FUCK YOUR PASSWORDS
FUCK YOUR PASSWORD REQUIREMENTS.
FUCK YOU thinking you are the most important site in the universe so of course everyone will remember their password mangled beyond the original intention/recognition by your idiotic requirements!
I want to have an insecure password? MY PROBLEM.
I want to have the same password everywhere so I don't have to go through the idiotic "forgot my password" dance each time I try to login into your page? MY PROBLEM!
You're not the most important site in the universe.
I'm getting seriously fed up with this idea in general.
WHAT THE FUCK. Why did nobody come up with nothing better yet?
And the password storages and autocompletions don't count, that's a plaster on top of idiotic paradigm, nothing else.
...how is there nothing more sensible, still, after 18+ years?5 -
Here's my flow:
1. Sit at my desk and contemplate the Universe
2. Sort out specifics by pacing back and forward
3. Draw like a mad man
4. Copy an old project and change a few lines of code
5. Go home happy that the Universe is safe once again
;)2 -
!rant
"If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration."
Nikola Tesla
If you want to understand your business, think in terms of customers, problems, and solutions.6 -
https://lwn.net/Articles/887970/
For frigging fucking fucks sake, universe put the cactii away.
I HATE THE UNIVERSE.
I FUCKING HATE IT.6 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-
!dev
The universe is made of electrons, neutrons, Protons and morons..
You probably know that one but I still enjoy it..
Maybe this one is new to you:
2 guys walk into a bar.
P1: I’ll take a glass of H2O.
P2: I’ll take some H2O, too.
The second guy died..2 -
Scenario A:
Your code is working. You run again, now it's not working.
Scenario B:
Works on production. Next day it doesn't.
It is nothing you just experienced alternate universe. You probably with your manager temporarily jumped into another timeline where your code is not working.
Next time it happens tell your manager it's not your fault.
Eureka!6 -
If you said “I like webpack” when I said “Fuck Webpack.” I have downvoted your comment.
Keep your satanism in your own corner, we will stay here in our universe without people like you who enjoy pain and internal death.6 -
Only in a parallel universe would a boss be understanding about coding and realistic about deadlines2
-
require "universe"
require "bioDan"
class ProductManager
def initialize(person_type)
@ideas = Universe.import_random_ideas({ mostly_shitty: true, association: person_type })
life_purpose
end
def life_purpose
@ideas.find_each do |idea|
bioDan.interrupt! unless bioDan.bad_mood?
bioDan.queue << idea
end
end
end
ProductManager.create "enthusiastic prick"
%x[crontab -e "0 09 * * * ruby this_script.rb > /dev/null"]
# 😥7 -
What if people, life, humanity, the universe is just a cluster of CPUs running a giant Recurrent Neural Network algorithm? 🤔
-Sun and food == power source
-People == semiconductors
-Earth/a Galaxy == a single CPU
-Universe == a local grouping of nearby nodes, so far the ones we've discovered are dead or not what same data transport protocol/port as us
-Universal Expansion == the search algorithm
-Blackholes: sector failures
-Big Bang == God turns on his PC, starts the program
-Big Crunch == rm -rf4 -
I am right and you're wrong.
Aka: Living in a yin / yang (black n white) bubble.
If you're unable to adapt because the only perspective that matters is your own small little universe, then you shouldn't be a dev.
As a dev, you'll have to accept that you cannot know it all. There will be smarter people and there will be things that you won't understand.
It's okay to be wrong. It's okay to not know it all.5 -
You know how they write "100% natural" on food items? I want to try food that is 99% natural, e.g. containing certain stuff that cannot exist in our universe6
-
Can someone explain the node_modules joke to me please? I've seen it quite a bit now, but I still don't get it. (Attached an example from https://devrant.com/rants/760537/...). Thanks in advance.
5 -
Don't you love it when you're in a full-on creative mood but the whole universe is somehow working against you doing anything productive?
Woke up in the morning with bright ideas for my app. But my PC restarted and my IDE crashed. After getting the IDE up, the project no longer builds. After spending hours to try and fix it, reinstall IDE and ............... voila............... everything works. I mean WTF?1 -
There is a function in this program I’m working on for getting related documents and a function for getting unrelated documents. I suppose if you call them both you get all the documents in the universe!
-
A parallel universe simulator which will show us what our lives could look like in other universes.5
-
What's your favorite terminal font? I'm on the lookout. I've gone through Ubuntu mono, fira code and fira mono, and I'm currently on jetbrains mono. They're all lovely, but I know there's a universe of fonts out there, and I'd like to know what others are using.15
-
Question, should I post this on our company's social network? Or is just going to look like me calling the management idiots?
https://medium.com/personal-growth/...
2 -
Young 22 years old me, hungry for excitement of real world issues, full of whimsical witticisms, writing bootstrap scripts that'd spit meaningful information like...
> $ run bankhack
> Shutting down the old world...
> Checking world population...
> Initializing particle accelerator...
> Exploding sun...
> Entering hell...
> Starting daemons...
> Starting lesser daemons...
> Burning logic...
> Restoring balance in the universe...
> World peace achieved.
What a naive douche he was.1 -
-Writes a small python script on windows
-This should work without a hitch
-Throws more errors than there is tangible numbers in the universe
-Spend an hour trying to fix it
-Give up, copy and paste the code into linux line for line
-Works immediately
Whoop2 -
Bogged down the entire office network because I mirrored Ubuntu Universe to my PC. Apparantly the downlink wasn't rate limited...2
-
Waiting to find out results of interview. Dying. I need a change so bad.
Can't stop thinking about questions I wish I would've answered better but I have skin crawling anxiety during interviews and I haven't had one in a loooong time 😭😫 fucking fuck shit fuck universe help me out.7 -
42 ... Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe... nuff said. :) (oh and there is a way to actually calculate that number based on content in the book)5
-
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far the universe is winning." ~~ Rick Cook
This guy single handedly explained GANs back in 90s and nobody noticed -
Ugh, doing laundry sucks. Partially because the laundry area is adjacent to the living room and that makes it harder to hear stranger things, but mostly because it signals the end of the weekend. But I decided to be positive and share some positivity with you:
No matter what challenges you will face in the next week, you can do it. The Universe/God/The Flying Spaghetti Monster chose you to face the challenges because you can do. If the universe can believe in you, then so can I. And so should you. Get out there and rock fellow DevRanters!!! -
My goals for the future:
* Finish my online schooling
* Get a job, and move to wherever that job takes me
* Pay off my school debt
* Go for a masters
* Continue working and save up
* Apply to be a professor for programming and engineering
* Get a business degree
* Start a business
* Eventual heat death of the universe2 -
Former coworker had a Post-It on his display:
"When in doubt look char by char"
Often a minor typo can give you a large headache, so this is a really good advice for those WTF moments where you thought the universe isn't working as designed.2 -
I finally have a quiet Saturday to record a tutorial video for a client. I begin recording the video and every damn lawn mower in my neighborhood starts up simultaneously. The universe is _absolutely_ conspiring against me.2
-
wow, using multiple LLMs in parallel instead of 1 serial LLM produces better results! who could have thought!!!!
https://hao-ai-lab.github.io/blogs/...
god i am so fucking sick of this rat race
older devranters, is this really just ad nauseum hype repeats until i die? should i just stop raging at the universe and give up?2 -
Inspired by a programming is a constant/continuous thing. Every small and big achievements, from squishing a bug, finding a workaround, pressing the "Build" button and the programme runs. Each time the brain feels expanded like when a baby discovers new things, a tiny creature in a gigantic Universe of endless possibilities.
-
So the universe is determined to fuck with me for no other reason than the fact that I exist.
I managed to get 2 dates with 2 different girls (obviously) for next weekend.
And now, Australia is going into lockdown: No restaurants and shit.
So far, I am still laughing about the whole situation but now I am faced with either calling it off (which sucks because this lockdown can go for 6 months) or find another way to meet up.
I'm tagging this as a question to see if you guys have any ideas.
As for this fucked up universe... if the parallel MrCSharp is somehow watching me from the parallel universe that has a good 2020 going on at the moment, can you please like take me to your 2020.. that'd be fab.
Oh.. and my office is now fucking closed and forced to work from home. No more gym too..
god fucking damn it...17 -
So once again if you want to buy a Google branded Chromebook and you aren't in the centre of the universe that is America you're shit out of luck...
To get last year's pixelbook that is $999 US in Australia I have to fork out $3000, no word on importing the pixel slate but as always America is the greatest, you get everything and everywhere else can get fucked I guess....
Why can't tech companies just realise that other countries want things too?!5 -
If you could have a list of ALL bugs in your system, would you want it?
Like a document of hundreds of pages filled with everything that could possibly go wrong which would include both huge missed security problems and little mistakes that will never have any impact in this universe?
I would really like to have such a list. But I think a lot of people would sleep better at night not having to worry about hundreds of small issues.5 -
searching on how to do something on your project. a couple of hours later, you ended up watching on how the universe was born and theories of aliens .. #researchGoneTooFar2
-
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof software, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
Source: Can't remember -
When you do a pull and find a line of code is mis-indented by a space/tab and you start questioning the code gods and universe about the meaning of life1
-
My laptop decided to not turn on or charge anymore in times where I needed it a lot and when repairment funding is not the best. Thank you, universe3
-
I really do wish that there are parallel universes. So, there might be a universe where I am not maintaining legacy code.1
-
Requirement: "Build teleport using a teapot and some tape"
Yesterday I spent most of my working day staring at the screen thinking about it, without being able to write a proposed implementation document. I felt the most useless person in the universe.
Me, today at daily stand-up meeting: «Honestly I have no idea on how to proceed, please assign me a different task.»
Manager: «Well, just think about it a bit more»
Great.1 -
Only four things are infinite , The universe, Human stupidity, The no. of functions and properties in CSS and JS, AND WINRAR's TRIAL PERIOD......
11 -
They say only 2 things are truly limitless. The universe and human stupidity.
I disagree, the universe might have its limits , but human stupidity does not.3 -
After listening to the deadmau5 plane crash story on h3h3 this exact thought play went on in my mind.
The universe wants to be uniform. Everything is the same, nothing reacts anymore.
Humans like the complete opposite. We like complexity and entropy. We create and we destroy.
But we are part of the universe.
So if you break this down into absolute math statements, they are contradicting.
So are we breaking the equasion?
Or are we part of the equasion?
...Are we the universe's self made antidote to itself?2 -
Coming from a parallel devRant universe(where %jAsE% is dead and the meme continues to live), here to share only my rare blogposts, starting with:
https://loosy.gitlab.io/2019/06/...
Also put down 🔫 my misery and let me have an avatar u_u12 -
So there are a few bugs with IDEA and qwertz keyboards, namely there are combos on @ { < keys (you know, not that i would use those in java). After setting it to qwerty, manually deleting every shortcut and restarting the whole damn universe, still nothing. Very useful, 10/10, would use again.
Except not.1 -
I try to do one thing, I try to make one thing a little better and the universe shovels shit in my face. I’m just trying fix all this old outdated shot and I keep getting shit on in so many ways. I’m trying so hard to not become a bitter angry old man but damn if I don’t understand the bitter angry old mans motives right now. Fuck this ongoing onslaught of crashes and shit shows.
-
when you have coded the sun the moon and the stars. but the motherfucker still wants a universe engraved on a fucking ice cube. AND YOU'LL DO IT ANYWAY. CAUSE YOUR HIS FUCKING BITCH. YOU GUCKING GUCK!2
-
What are your thoughts about Elon Musk, is he really worried about AI or is this just a business strategy ? I mean I am a huge fan, love his work, but he wants to be the ruler and saver of the Universe.13
-
The Angular 2 documentation taught how I must split everything into a gazillion different files, to separate the languages. Now I'm learning React and JSX, and I'm starting to question my very existence in the universe...
-
When client for past few days tells you how important that new feature he wants is, and you should get to it asap.
But then when you actually start working on it after discussing it, specification creation and preparations, with mind set and focused, he tells you:
- 'Know what? I will need that change in the old feature before that. You can postpone the new feature by one day.'
So... How was it the most important thing in the universe again? -
No matter what you do the universe just tries to beat and let you down, you just have to let go and trust your wit!1
-
Me: "ok let's have a look at this code I have to review ..."
try
{
* Some random unreadable overcomplicated shit code *
}
catch (Exception e)
{
// Useful for debug
}
😓
In which God forsaken crazy alternative universe, a "catch all" block that swallows the exception and does nothing else is even slightly close to the concept of "useful for debug"3 -
If everyone in the job market would be paid the same salary.
What job you would've chosen which is not programming?12 -
Am I the only guy in this universe who hates....
"Bla bla bla
Bs more bs much more bs
*Flaunting that I am so kind* bla bla
Bs bla bs bs bla bla
*Candidate was such a shit still I hired him*
More bs bla bla bla
Agree?"
Kind of posts on LinkedIn.7 -
Basically anything space related.
Playing KSP, watching rocket launches (sadly not live tho), watching the stars and planets in our night sky, watching the ISS fly overhead and also some very-low-level astrophotography, which is hard in a very light-polluted area, but can still produce astonishing results.
The universe is amazing, I love learning about it, seeing it and being a part of a community that is excited about the future of the human civilization.1 -
A basic rule of mathematical life: if the universe hands you a hard problem, try to solve an easier one instead, and hope the simple version is close enough to the original problem that the universe doesn't object.1
-
1. Universal switch to IPv6 with back compatibility to IPv4.
2. A new universe of easy and convenient personal softwares that are served from your own home (aka, every client is a server).
3. More 3 wishes 😏2 -
Crime can be prevented. War can be explained. Evil can be analyzed.
Pure chaos, however, is different. Somewhere out there, an inch away from the edge of the universe, lies what will destroy your mind should you try to grasp it.3 -
Hey, listen. If the first thing you have to say to me in the morning is nothing but a whining story of what "terrible" stuff happend again.
SHUT THE FUCK UP 'CAUSE I CARE AS MUCH AS I CAN SEE TWO STUPID ASS-TO-MOUTH FUCKING ALIENS BEYOND THE BORDERS OF THE FUCKING VISIBLE UNIVERSE!2 -
One of those days where you're sitting in a customer meeting and you hear them talk and:
"I know that was all in English but nothing you said makes any sense based on what I know about your software, business processes, time, space ... anything in this universe" -
!dev just needed to rant...
Fox says their streaming Miss Universe is live from Thailand... It's 7:40PM here and it was delayed 40mins...
Google says it's 7:40AM in Thailand...
I can't tell if Fox is telling the truth or they are actually the biggest source of fake news and thinks everyone is too stupid to know
11 -
I hate this feeling.
Changing stuff with a greamripers scythe around my neck called doubt because the available data isn't too convincing.
Then having to go big or nothing as it is an ecosystem change (e.g. changing the cipher suites of TLS, changing protocol - e.g. HTTP 1.1 to 2) so it needs to be consistent as otherwise fun stuff could happen (fun as in the grim reaper cuts off my neck except a few centimeters and plays "now your head is off, now your head is on" ).
To top it off - just few seconds after the change has happened people coming up in the support channel.
My hands are - mysteriously - not sweaty then. Rather cold.
Lil prayer to the heavens and getting the whiskey bottle...
Opening an ongoing discussion in support channel....
And they're discussing whether the page needs to have an additional arrow for going back to the last page or if the default page navigation is enough.
Constantly using @all so everyone gets pissed off due to being pinged every few seconds in a channel that was meant for emergency support.
Now my hands go from a dark red to a bright red, my nostrils flare out, my adrenaline goes through the roof and I literally wanna murder people....
Those days.
I hate those days.
And I hate the timing of some people...
Like they're deliberately fucking with me without knowing it, like the universe told them explicitly to do so just to fuck with me.
*gooozfraba*
And of course, everything else is fine and running smooth like butter, except that said discussion now goes on in a total flamewar so I get even more pings.
Sucks to be in management.
You have way to many rooms where people can annoy you.
To top it off - after being grumpy and pissed and angry for people just annoying the fuck out of me, I have to mediate.
Yeah. Cause the usual person is on vacancy.
*slowly strangling the whiskey bottle like homer does with bart*
Turns out after 15 mins listening to enraged UX designer vs Frontend Team Lead that UX designer meant a completely different thing - uploaded wrong screenshot, whole discussion was unnecessary.
*Nah. Fuck it. Drinking whiskey*
Reminding everyone what the fucking frigging support channel is meant for and that penis fights aka who got the longest schlong don't belong there....
"Yeah it was a mistake, but it wasn't so bad"
...
You pinged fucking 32 people like it was the end of the world, you ignorant fucktwads.
For over 5 mins.
For fucking frigging nothing except your tiny dicks and shitty egos.
*Second round of whiskey*
Back to work after a wasted half hour.
What says monitoring?
Ah. Everything's working.
At least luck hasn't failed me.
Good server. Brave server.
Then I hear this lil voice in my head: no.
The servers know your personality.
They're afraid. Terrified.
Somehow that thought makes me giggle always...
Childish? Maybe. But it helps on those days.... Funnily enough, remaining 3 hours noone said anything in any chat channel.
"I wonder why, I wonder how...."... *hum* -
I'm going to fire the universal developer who did this:
```
git clone git://universe/juneeighteen-family
git checkout -b flu
touch family/wife.flu
touch family/oldest-son.flu
touch family/youngest-son.flu
git add .
git commit "Bwa ha ha ha ha"
git push
git merge flu
``` -
After spending almost all the day trying to find out what was wrong with my code, re-reading all my class, thinking that the universe does not make sense anymore, I find that one loop control variable that I was changing had a duplicate inside the loop. Damn you compiler, why did you not warn me?1
-
How to learn Flash in 2 hours.
1. Take a job to amend some HTML5 banners.
2. Realize they were created in Flash/animate CC and exported to HTML5 Canvas
3. Have 'fun' learning a very innovative way to create banners...
Well to be honest as soon as I got the hang of it, it was not that bad, if you ignore the generated code. -
What is the most straightforwardest solution in the entire history of the world..??
My head : Putting prints all over the fucking universe ..
If at all debugging was algorithmic like that.. -
Meanwhile in a parallel universe composer update runs faster than the speed at which universe expands.
-
Is it just me, or do REST API's literally rule the world right now?
Feeling like I can automate the universe.
But this is a real question. Are there reasons to avoid using web API's rather than sending data through some kind of shared database? I guess I'm not even sure what the alternatives would be right now... Are there disadvantages I should know about?3 -
Cause when you die or exit from process it doesn’t matter how it happened, was it kill -9, sigkill or sigterm. As long as you go to hell / heaven / you name it and not to /dev/null you can still try to segfault the universe. Just give me the code !!!
And it aligns well with depression, alcoholism and lack of sleep. -
Apparently the universe doesn't want me+so to take a holiday. My first proper holiday in about 5 years between uni/being skint was supposed to start tomorrow, nothing too fancy, a week in southern France. Ryanair cancelled our outbound flight yesterday, rebooked and changed accommodation to Sunday, they've just cancelled that too so now slightly frantically trying to find alternate transport.
Fuck. -
I would like to hear why a bug cannot irreversibly tear a company out of existence.
Would you, theabbie (either a troll or the boldest man in the universe), mind explaining how on earth an EULA or ToS saying "We can't be held liable for X, Y and Z" can save your ass from a lawsuit? There are countries that have laws on consequential damages/losses. These laws can lead to you having to repay the entire contract and pay damages.
13 -
The Joe Rogan Experience. Sometimes I just need to hear someone else thinking out loud so I don't have to do it for myself. Plus, who else is going to remind me that:
“If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.”
- Joe Rogan1 -
#justAThought #non_dev
i wonder what would be the circumstances which lead to evolution of the most meek , fruit eating creatures (monkey) into the smartest, flesh eating carnivore (humans).
Did they just felt comfortable walking on 2 feet instead of 4?was this just an idea of some curious group of monkeys?
Imagine if in a parallel universe, their are lions who came up with this idea...and
Behold, in a parallel universe instead of us ,big vegan monster lion-humans are reading this post.(Vegan because why not?Its evolution)8 -
Here are the parts of kiki dreams universe explored so far:
- rotten meat house
- swine gray gel battleground
- horizontal elevators network
- united paper island
- baseball bat nightclub
- anxiety-inducing multidimensional pizzeria
Which one will be your destination this Christmas?1 -
It would really, really suck if we're alone in the universe. Like, I can't think of something that would suck more.
I hope aliens exist.7 -
If your day is bad, imagine that, in an alternate dystopian universe, everyone and their mother are programming through the means of bodyfuck (real thing, look it up)..
-
We all know that node_modules is the heaviest folder in the whole universe, right?
Weel now that I'm starting to use ionic and cordova I get to use them for apps as well, not only websites!
Fuck my life, seriously7 -
There is an alternative universe where L.E.S. Artistes by Santigold is more popular than Paper Planes by M.I.A.
7 -
I have searched the universe of how go lang developers modularize their api server.... I couldn't find any.. Except for this git repo https://github.com/velopert/...
So, what kind of architecture or pattern do you use? Oh, and I am more interested in MVC4 -
Looking for the most overblown fictional universe in any media which takes itself serious. XD
Warhammer 40.000 seems to take the cake. Any other recommendations? No reboots AND excluding MCU, DC3 -
Super solar power plants around the earth to powering robots and factories producing equipment to search and research more efficient energy sources across the universe and mapping the whole ma'fucka resource wide would be a nice project to spend some days at.
-
Does anybody else feels that when you start running migrations you can do all your chores like eat food, finish seasons, sleep, finish another season, universe expand and collapse again but the migrations won't complete
Okay it's a lil bit exaggerated 😛
Frustrated 😪 -
Imagine an alternate universe where websites are actually just raw markup and style sheets.
People read this and imagine what the website look like.5 -
Darn you to Heck, Oracle! I installed their JDeveloper environment, to see how it's database functionality compared to DBArtisan and PL SQL Developer. It is Eclipse based, and it rendered DBArtisan non-functional. Uninstalled, and balance has been restored to the Universe.4
-
If you were buy winrar license, please tell me who you are?
Kinda curious if there is anyone in this universe that buy it 😂8 -
since universe is expanding.
what was there in it before our universe reached there.
I think JS can answer this question.
it was 'undefined`
once our universe reaches there it becomes null.
its still nothing but no longer 'undefined'.10 -
I'm still doing my bachelors.
Anyone with a 9-5 job with 10+ years in the field not bored of everything in the universe and spending valuable time with family ?1 -
it changes every couple of weeks, the universe keeps creating bigger and better idiots. but right now the last documentation was apache Mina sshd and jgit. I eventually figured out that git receive had to be threaded to work but that should have been in the docs
-
on an interview for an apprenticeship as IT support, got a question that should've been simple, but got dragged to far beyond. "what if you can't figure out a solution to a problem? what if there are no colleages to ask? what if google isn't available, what if the nothing in the universe can solve it?"5
-
Whenever I'm trying to get something done urgently suddenly something wrong happens. And then a chain of 'something wrong' starts. It doesn't matter how many different ways I try, there's always something wrong waiting for me on the way.
And when I try to fix 'something wrong', something else wrong happens.
I feel like this whole universe, each and every atom in this galaxy is trying to fuck me up.3 -
the universe of Amazon
here meet the team avengers.. united with batman and superman. somebody tell this seller to cross check ©
2 -
All these maths and research and autonomous driving shit are OK, but in my next life I want to be Soilwork's drummer and have some big fun.
You owe me, Universe -
If I ever fall into a blackhole I dont think there's any "big and tall man" shop anywhere this side of the universe that sells clothes big enough to compensate for spaghettification.
There *might* be one on the *other* side though (assuming I make it through the blackhole first).
Their foot traffic must suck though.3 -
More stars in the universe or LEDs on earth? Screen pixels do not count.
Edit: what if we added pixels?3 -
evil can be described
war can be explained
murder can be understood
but pure chaos can’t
out there, millimeters away from the edge of the universe, Iies what wiII take your sanity should you attempt to comprehend it.4 -
Woke up with the plan to read a 2 page pdf and an appointment at 6pm. Was looking forward to relaxing in the sunny weather today. But somehow the universe had to stop me from it. After 4 hours of doing other important stuff that suddenly came up, i still don't know when I will find time to even read those fucking 2 pages.
-
I was trying to setup a Confluence install on my root behind a Apache Proxy..
I tried all the Atlassian Configs, my own Configs, but nothing works for Tomcat. I redirects you to the infinities of universe. My Apache Configs are all correct.
If you access Confluence directly it also works.
Tomcat you Ass start playing nice with the proxy fucker!
I hate Tomcat now. Go die!1 -
How to get through tough dev days?
Cursing, lots and lots of cursing. Cursing your boss, cursing at your boss, cursing at your (deserving) coworkers, and cursing life, the universe and whoever invented this fucking shit!1 -
I put an end-of-the-universe-grade password in (quadrillions of years to break) which hits all 4 criteria and I cant get it to pass. :O
4 -
The distance between two nearest hydrogen atoms inside recursion function is the key to understand the universe.
But which hydrogen atoms we need to pick from the whole universe to see it ?
How to identify them if after each iteration the order of operations changes based on results and we only see the previous state as an argument of function.1 -
>the human mind cannot process non-Euclidean laws of physics and space
Yes it can. Non-Euclidean terms don't phase me. I've played too many games like Antichamber, removing laws of physics/the universe doesn't phase me.
How do I do these fucking things???2 -
What is free time?
https://devrant.com/rants/5707287/...
At least it seems I might be pivoting when it comes to my job description, which should mean (on top of a pay hike) a better defined workload, even though the amount of it might not lessen (working with all of the company’s products vs. just one).
We’ll see. -
You know when you start making some guide/tutorial, everything is working e.g for 1 hour, step by step.
Theeeeen suddenly 1 error from universe stopped your work. Checking for the error debugging it next hour, asking questions online aaand ? no one has an answer. Yeah that's it stick with it, or restart ;D
4 -
>admit weakness and knowledge gaps to be helped, to learn and to improve
what a sweet fantasy
>admit weakness and knowledge gaps, get punished for it
thanks world, universe, society, etc -
Share your ideas and thoughts. I will make a system out of it in the form of web app or website as a side project2
-
I wrote a script, modified + tested it and that worked fine 6 months ago. I expected to use it then but didn't but all good so i kept a special branch for my script which generates data from old db, formats it to new db structure and dumps it into a collection. In fact, i ran one of the scripts last month (360 records) and it worked fine. Today, when i need to migrate 14,000 records, script refuses to run. I am ready to fight the universe because wtf.
-
Is anyone else interested in the Characteristica Universali. It's very fascinating and not enough people know about how it can be applied to non neural network artificial intelligence.
-
!dev
The moment i heard, that there is a magic artifact in starfield, i audibly sighed and thought, yeah no thanks. It apparently gives the character magic abilities..
Now i feel basically the same, like when they introduced dragons in the elder scrolls universe with skyrim. Incidently i never really played Skyrim.
Otherwise that game looks kinda cool. But 70€ (100€ for deluxe) is too much for 30h mainstory imo.1 -
What if parallel universe is real and all of us are just a copy of one person with a small differences just like parallel universe.
Food for thought17 -
In a parallel universe - streams are taught at primary school.
The number of students signing up is high but the people graduating is constant.
Continue..2 -
https://bugs.launchpad.net/ubuntu/...
Please universe, stop fucking my ass.
I'm far beyond prolapse and I really don't want your filthy surprises.
LTS my ass. -
Everyone in the star wars universe must be a shit shot.
the mando armor has more kinks in it than any armor that ever existed.
the hands
the feet
the legs
the neck
lol etc -
Yes you can put a dent into the universe.
This one hippie at the Sea of Galilee, has maybe done it, but left disciples who taught others the Sermon on the Mount with the halberd. The disciples of the other one in the sandals from Silicon Valley now make the world happy with their small white devices, almost cute, but no less annoying.
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