Here's my flow:

1. Sit at my desk and contemplate the Universe
2. Sort out specifics by pacing back and forward
3. Draw like a mad man
4. Copy an old project and change a few lines of code
5. Go home happy that the Universe is safe once again

;)

Due to a service window, we were requested by customer to set up a separate instance of the same web application so they could keep working.

The separate instance was set up and all parties were informed.

Customer and project manager complain that people are still using the old instance, to which I replied I sent an email informing which instance should be used.

Their response: "You wrote to use the new instance, but you didn't write NOT to use the old one."

Putting up with PM's...

Get to do cool stuff

Hi Guys,

As you have seen this week again we have a problem with data imports from <tool 1> and <tool 2>. Clearly the existing setup is not working. We are now encouraging more and more people from the project to start using our portal and we need a stable and up to date environment.

Can we have a call please to discuss the following topics:

1. Portal data integrity
2. SLAs
3. Project Communication
4. Development efficiency

Thanks
<Drama Queen PM>

Take a break! 😁

PM sends email to development team with the whole management team in cc.

"Guys, the data is not updating correctly! Make sure all the updates are being done! If we can't get this right then we can just forget about this whole thing!"

Me: Yes, because making generalized statements and inflammatory remarks actually help in correcting the problems...

Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.

Sorry if it's a repost.

PM keeps asking me for a report on page hits. I've given him page hits, page views, page visits and his reply is always the same...

"No, this means nothing to me. I want page hits/visits. Google analytics!"

I'm like O_o ...

Me: Did you notice <application> is doing <bug>?
Best co-worker: Hmmm yea, I noticed.
Me: It must be because of <faulty implementation>.
Best co-worker: Yeah, don't worry I'll correct it.
Me: *moves on happily to other things*

Thanks!

Any project that started out with "All you have to do is make a copy of the old code. That should take 2-3 hours..." and ends with a huge list of change requests that takes days to fulfill.

When you try to comment on a rant and when you get "Invalid rant on path" message... 😋

ISP technicians came over to switch the router. The old one kept disconnecting. This is how they connected the LAN cables.

I'm like "Really...?" O_o

Why you shouldn't interrupt a software developer

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u...

Honestly speaking, I don't understand all these homes about Java programmers not being able to C#.

I'm mainly a Java programmer and about 9 months ago, my team inherited a huge scope of applications developed in C#. I was forced to learn C# in order to support those applications and I have to say I didn't find the language that difficult...

Since we're sharing cups

Needed to update one column in table A with data from table B (huge table).

Created awesome update query with join between the two tables.

A few hours later realized all data in table A is already being imported from table B in a query executed earlier in the process...

PM who botched the project now thinks the newly appointed project leader has some really crazy ideas...

PM keeps inviting me to meetings so I can see the process flow he created and bask in his greatness... :-/

PM asked me to develop an application to fetch data from the customer's DB, which would require an access security token provided by the customer. To get the token, I would have to travel to Germany (I live in Portugal) to get it personally (it's not possible to have someone else pick it up for me).

It turns out the security token is a completely closed environment, with its own OS, without the possibility of installing any application or communicating with the exterior. The laptop itself would boot from the token's OS.

It was concluded I would have to hack the security token, which is completely non compliant. So the PM decided not to go forward with it.

But now, I have to go Germany anyway to pick up the security tokens because they forgot to order them for these other guys who would be using them to access the customer's DB manually and they don't want to delay the project anymore.

Oh, and the security tokens cost the project 500€/month each...

That moment you're trying to access your web portal in the QA environment and you realize your colleague is loading huge amounts of data into the QA database...