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Fuck the memes.

Fuck the framework battles.

Fuck the language battles.

Fuck the titles.

Anybody who has been in this field long enough knows that it doesn't matter if your linus fucking torvalds, there is no human who has lived or ever will live that simultaneously understands, knows, and remembers how to implement, in multiple languages, the following:

- jest mocks for complex React components (partial mocks, full mocks, no mocks at all!)
- token cancellation for asynchronous Tasks in C#
- fullstack CRUD, REST, and websocket communication (throw in gRPC for bonus points)
- database query optimization, seeding, and design
- nginx routing, https redirection
- build automation with full test coverage and environment consideration
- docker container versioning, restoration, and cleanup
- internationalization on both the front AND backends
- secret storage, security audits
- package management, maintenence, and deprecation reviews
- integrating with dozens of APIs
- fucking how to center a div

and that's a _comically_ incomplete list; barely scratches the surface of the full range of what a dev can encounter in a given day of writing software

have many of us probably done one or even all of these at different times? surely.

but does that mean we are supposed to draw that up at a moment's notice some cookie-cutter solution like a fucking robot and spit out an answer on a fax sheet?

recruiters, if you read this site (perhaps only the good ones do anyway so its wasted oxygen), just know that whoever you hire its literally the luck of the draw of how well they perform during the interview. sure, perhaps some perform better, but you can never know how good someone is until they literally start working at your org, so... have fun with that.

Oh and I almost forgot, again for you recruiters, on top of that list which you probably won't ever understand for the entirety of your lives, you can also add writing documentation, backup scripts, and orchestrating / administrating fucking JIRA or actually any somewhat technical dashboard like a CMS or website, because once again, the devs are the only truly competent ones - and i don't even mean in a technical sense, i mean in a HUMAN sense of GETTING SHIT DONE IN GENERAL.

There's literally 2 types of people in the world: those who sit around drawing flow charts and talking on the phone all day, and those WHO LITERALLY FUCKING BUILD THE WORLD

why don't i just run the whole fucking company at this point? you guys are "celebrating" that you made literally $5 dollars from a single customer and i'm just sitting here coding 12 hours a day like all is fine and well

i'm so ANGRY its always the same no matter where i go, non-technical people have just no clue, even when you implore them how long things take, they just nod and smile and say "we'll do it the MVP way". sure, fine, you can do that like 2 or 3 times, but not for 6 fucking months until you have a stack of "MVPs" that come toppling down like the garbage they are.

How do expect to keep the "momentum" of your customers and sales (I hope you can hear the hatred of each of these market words as I type them) if the entire system is glued together with ducktape because YOU wanted to expedite the feature by doing it the EASY way instead of the RIGHT way. god, just forget it, nobody is going to listen anyway, its like the 5th time a row in my life

we NEED tests!
we NEED to know our code coverage!
we NEED to design our system to handle large amounts of traffic!
we NEED detailed logging!
we NEED to start building an exception database!

BILBO BAGGINS! I'm not trying to hurt you! I'm trying to help you!

Don't really know what this rant was, I'm just raging and all over the place at the universe. I'm going to bed.

Comments
  • 5
    Take my exceptionally rare ++ for _feels_
  • 17
    Sorry, I just had to post a meme in response to "fuck the memes". I feel where you are coming from. Hopefully this helps you smile.
  • 5
    Saucy rant, I like it.
  • 3
    I think the premise that "anything matters at all" is kind of futile

    But very well ranted for all the people who might have such hopes
  • 8
    This is what annoys me so much about modern hiring practices. It's literally a who can remember contest, when the ACTUAL thing they should be after is people being able to _think_
  • 4
    “how to center a div” <—- I feel this deep in my skeleton

    As for the rest, I recognized some of those words. No idea what any of them mean all put together technical like that.

    I’m hopelessly behind in all things. But it’s clear we all are. I’ve met some great coders but even they have to look stuff up.
  • 3
    I feel this so much. The saddest part is that I've done it all. I know how to do (and done it) each and everything on this post and now I work with a client to thinks they need to hold my hand with things *they* have know clue about.

    Help, how do you get out of this. >.>
  • 15
    Yeah I worked as a chemist and no one expects you to know all the electronegativity values of all the elements in the periodic table from the top of your head —yet that's often how developers are treated.

    "Familiarity with AWS" was a requirement for a job I recently looked in to. I've worked with AWS for 10 years now... But the interviewer asked me to reproduce what the exact JSON properties are to define roles through cloudformation templates...

    Do people know the social security numbers of their second cousins? Do they remember what they had for dinner on June 14th 1997?
  • 2
    preach! 🙌
  • 5
    It was a rollercoaster ride but got your point across!
  • 5
    Thanks for all the comments, after a good nights sleep I'm feeling much better today, but still very much pissed off at the system in general. :)
  • 4
    Tell em babe ✊
  • 5
    the rant I never got off my chest 👏
  • 3
    What a masterpiece
  • 1
    Just nuke it.

    - Ptuin
  • 4
    Igor Sysoev: let me just write code for your fucking webserver
    Rambler: no you should obey our corporate culture
    Igor Sysoev: fuck you then, I’m gonna build my own server

    Igor Sysoev: *creates nginx*
    Rambler: wait that’s illegal
  • 3
    Kris Kaspersky, the genius hacker, once said: “If a manager wants me to take my collection of anal toys off my desktop, I challenge him to go the CEO together and see who of us two the company needs the most”.
  • 2
    Linus, on Git: “I thought in two weeks I could build a better solution than the whole industry has to offer. And I was right”.
  • 1
    I feel you. I realize that this is not a rant but a cry for help, but please don’t generalize on flowcharts. I have a CS degree, I build flowcharts professionally, the data flow diagrams. They allow me to easily comprehend the business logic and the entire set of entity transitions. After that I build a data model (just tables in Notion) that doesn’t contradict itself, and after that I actually implement it, and boom! It works flawlessly without any kind of automated testing.

    My title is CTO
  • 3
    I feel like some context is needed. In startups, sometimes there is a strict deadline not invented by some dumbass manager, but dictated by what we have no influence on, like the pitching round that was agreed upon.

    We need the MVP to work, as we need to demonstrate the metrics on real users. “Pay” button should work, UI layout shouldn’t break, etc.

    Go too hard on architecture, and the MVP won’t be finished on time. Go too easy, and tech debt would arise halfway through to the point of crippling the momentum.

    It took me years to learn how to strike the balance.
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