Most people.
"Dance like no one is looking"

Me.
"Sudo like you have backups"

Spend half an hour finding music to listen to while I code; Pause it after 30 seconds to concentrate on refactoring. Stays paused for rest of day.

Really getting the most out of those expensive new headphones.

Nike's robots.txt says "just crawl it"

Every. Single. Time.

Need these for work.

Found a bug at the gas pump.
Can't belive it was pushed to production with it in there.

🤔
sql - Syntax error near '*entire sql command*'
😑

programming languages are not designed to talk to computers, they are designed to be readable by other programmers.

please code like it.

devRant, the only positive and supportive online community for programmers.

until you mention an OS.

then all bets are off.

.toblerone {
padding: 25%;
}

dad: what the hell do you do again?

me 1st time asked: I'm a back end web developer, i write the code you don't see that makes things you do see work.

me 90,000th time: internet stuff.

me 83,881,178th time: computers!

been there

what my work computer feels like compared to my home computer.

SAP - Sad After Purchase :/

SAP GUI developer interview

Questions:
1. Can you design sites for IE 6?
2. Do you hate HTML5?
3. Do you love website design from the 1990's?

If you answered yes to all 3, congratulations you are hired.

Got some swag in the mail today.

I was told I could get a refund for the hat if it was too small. I literally have the biggest head in the world and it fits me fine.

For those who complained, did you try taking it off and on again?

interviewer: What can you tell us about the Unity 3D engine?

me: well, i can tell you that there is no such thing. the engine is called Unity. Unity3d.com is just the website. it's a good way of telling if someone doesn't know what they are talking about.

interviewer:😐....

When i was studying Engineering, I used to wonder how programmers works straight 3,4 days without sleep and all.

With today, I completed my 3rd day, with just 2 hours sleep in the last 70 hours.

Now I get it,

This is.. passion,
This is.. love,

This is Life.

devRant is a place to rant. Not a journal of best practices.

Can I just rant without giving a long winded backstory?

Do I have to explain myself to prevent people from commenting that the problem must be me?

If you read a rant, and you can't relate to it sympathetically.

Move along! That rant is not for you!

When people are trying to vent no one wants to see your snippy little comment about how 'unprofessional' they are being.

client: the math on this investment calculator you made is wrong.

me: ok, how is it wrong?

client: one of our salesmen sais it not calculating correctly.

me: that's fine. i just need an example, or the corrected formula to use.

client: on this other website we put in the same information and it comes out different.

me: ok, let me investigate... this other site adds a fee every month so the output is different. If i turn that off the calculations are the same. would you like to add a monthly fee field?

clients: no, the calculator is working how we want then.

repeat 5 times at 3 month intervals.

client: the interest calculator is broken again. didn't we just fix it?

me: it was never broken. your people just can't math.

see you in hell mac mini, the raspberry pi is taking your place connected to the tv.

when $25 of Linux out performs $300 of apple.

🤠:Hello, I need a website for my professional website. But anything more than $500 is unrealistic.

Translation

🤡:I am a stupid assclown that the future will leave behind and time will forget.

When they make me do some css

In the project management system we use with our clients I see file named, 'instructions for backup.'

I open the file and all it contains is my name and phone number.😑

Programmer dating problems

Src: r/ProgrammerHumour

oh my, ai turning on it's masters is scarier than we thought.

yeaa.. this is devRant......

Fuck SAP.

not mine, but haven't seen here yet.

debugging php code without turning on error reporting.

Purchase $900 laptop, it's not powerful enough so I return it and get $1,100 laptop, still not powerful enough, return it and get $1,600 laptop. Realize I have a gaming PC and don't need the laptop this powerful and I return it and repurchase the first laptop I bought with a $100 discount because it's now an opened-box, but I know for a fact that it was the one that I got in the first place and opened.

Thanks Best Buy.

yeah. you like that? that's what you get you naughty little mac mini.

but when are they ever?

my standing desk.

swag-for-dev
A list of swag opportunities for developers

When up votes become,
Life,
The Universe,
And Everything.

Got a call last night at 2:37 am (Sunday morning) from an sap group that manages jobs informing me that some sap integration with our application was not working and I needed to look at it. At 4:00
Am I finally find out that all 47 sap production servers were undergoing maintenance and all jobs were disabled. So here was an sap group that had no idea all the servers they supported were being upgraded and I had to discover this for them. Took a lot of self control to remain professional and even keeled.

Coffee and wine are my life coaches.

Start of day
☕coffee: GO GET THEM TIGER!

End of day
🍷Wine: you'll get them tomorrow.

FUCK PHP!!!
We were trying to go live with a big online shop, it is connected through a crappy API to SAP.
PHP keeps outputting fucking errors because our intern doesn't fucking know how to properly write PHP.

YEAH, JUST FUCKING RETURN A WHOLE DIFFERENT TYPE OF DATA IF THE FUNCTION HAS AN ERROR.

Oh and using fucking strtr( ... ) to insert stuff in a string is REALLY FUCKING 1337...

And when you think the whole fuckery has reached the summit, just look at how HE FUCKING CREATED THE UGLY EMAIL TEMPLATE:
$content .= "UGLY HTML ABOMINATION";
$content .= "MORE UGLY HTML";
$content .= "HTML WITH SPELLING ERRORS";
$content .= "<table>";
$content .= "TEARS OF TIM BERNERS LEE";
$content .= "<table>HE FOGOT THE FUCKING '/'";

and dozens more of these lines...

and the whole piece for ALL 3 FUCKING LANGUAGES...

Thanks for writing the fucking backend stuff, it is better to rewrite the whole piece.

Here is my list of horrible techs which are common in my current and previous workplace which should be extinct ASAP:

SAP
SharePoint
Java applets
Java Swing desktop apps
C# Windows Forms desktop apps
ASP/JSP
VB
RemoteApp
Shitty insecure php web apps
Micorsoft Access DB
Windows XP
Windows Servers
Closed Linux-based appliances which lack many basic GNU software and are forbidden to tamper with
Every single Symantec product

Post yours below

Is this kidding me ?

Just stumbled upon this!

accedently used chmod on chmod so i no longer had permissions to chmod.

thank goodness for remote server images.

Boss: I don't want you spending more than 30 min looking into the problem.

Me: ok

Go back to desk and read or watch some cs training. Maybe related.

Go back to boss.

Me: going to take (over estimate tome) to fix.

Boss: ok.

Go back to desk and fix in less time than estimated.

Look like gold.

Some pics don't require captions..!

Friday: Finally the week end. I haven't seen my family all week.

Sunday: Hurry up Monday! Get me away from these people. I need to program.

Sudo chown / indead of ./ aaaand there goes my day.

Internet stopped working yesterday and the ISP company told me they couldn't send a person for a week!

I'm stuck at home, I have to have internet.

Long story short, I got no sleep last night and I may have voided my routers warranty, but I got internet.

me: do we need to setup the shop to charge a flat shipping rate, or charge per item?

🕛3 hours later.

client: yes, that is correct.

me: 😧

working on back end code makes me feel like the Wizard of Oz.

"Don't look behind that curtain! "

Boss: You have one month to finish the program.
Me: It will be complicated but lets see how it goes.
To be cleared the end date is 2 of July.

Boss on the last friday: You have to finish on the 20th of June
Me: Yeah sure....

Boss yesterday: You have to finish on the 15th of June.
Me: You said one month.

Boss today: you have to finish by the end of this week
Me: No problem Boss you will have it tomorrow!!!
Boss: You have to. There are more projects waiting...
Me: -.-

This is what I have to deal with. But hey... don't forget... tomorrow is a new day so ... fuck it.

Hi guys!
That is my first...well, rant? No, not at all.

I found this community by accident. I was looking for something like this, but did not realize til now. I scrolled through some posts and it is awesome to read awesome stories and rants from awesome people.

I am a 21 year old SAP ABAP developer from Germany. I have finished my bachelor's degree (business informatics/business information management? German: Wirtschaftsinformatik) last August. I have always been interested in web development and teached myself some php basics when I was younger. I would love to do more things like that, but things have changed. There are lots of different frameworks, languages and stuff. It's complicated.

I am not sure if I have understood how this community works, but I am very excited to find out.

And, as I already mentioned, I am German. So please feel free to bash my shitty English. :D

I had just started as an SDE intern, and was fiddling around with the code base.

Me: Hey, can you send me the link to our version control system?
Mentor: Umm, what!?
Me: You know, where we keep our code backup...
Mentor: Hmm, is there a need for that?
Me: Yeah, I mean, my past experience tells me to always backup code, just in case something goes wrong.
Mentor: Ohh, that's easy. I'll teach you how I do it.

So, he comes to my workplace, and does this:
1. Go to your workspace folder.
2. Right click it.
3. Zip it.
4. Open outlook.
5. Compose email.
6. Attach the zip file.
7. Mail to yourself.
8. That's how it's done!

I was like what the hell!?!?! Is this really happening?? And then he started basking in his glory, as if he had taught me some secret hack! Seeing this, I couldn't even get myself to introduce him to git. That was the worst part.

know that person who brags about using linux, but uses wine for all his applications.

It's not a bug if a feature is working how you told me it should work but not how you wanted it to work.

i love programming, but have done too many 12 hour days recently.

spent last two days recharging by doing nothing but play the new Doom game.

i have a great job so my boss supports me.

It's about a guy that knows better.

I was working as a subcontractor on a bigger system. We (subs) were not allowed to deploy code, we had to wait for contractor to deploy.

One day I got an email that my code is bugged and that my feature is not working on production. I checked it on test env, everything was fine. Then I checked if the code I wrote was deployed. It was not.

I send an email explaining that if they deployed my code it would be working. Then I got a response. There was a bug in my code.

Another email. I asked how would they know? Do they have a test on their environment that failed?

No. There is one guy that READ my code and he said it should not work, so he will not deploy it. He was not a programmer, he was a business consultant responsible for the documentation.

His issue was that I used a function that was not in a class. So if the function is not declared it's obvious it will not work. I had to explain to him in another email, that you can use object of another class inside your class and then call a function, that is not in your class. It was the last time this guy blocked my deploy.

TL;DR, I had to explain a non-dev how object composition works in order to have my code deployed. Took four emails.

TLDR: SAP sucks. Don't ever work with it. Run away from it. Delete it from your memory. If your company works with it, quit. It's the best you can do.

A couple of weeks ago the group rant was "Story of your best/worst career choice" and I talked about the contract I signed. Even tho that is still true and I still feel like that, I think I got a new worst choice:

WORKING WITH SAP.

When I got this job I knew it would be SAP, but I didn't know what SAP was. I just thought "it's programming, how bad can it be?" OH BOII.

If only I would have done some FUCKING RESEARCH I would know this would be a mistake!!

And I knew I didn't want to work with this, I knew I wanted to be a web developer, but I STILL ACCEPTED THE JOB OH MAN WHAT WAS I THINKING I'M SO MAD.

Were I live we all have the same mentality when looking for the first job, which is to just accept anything you can get, because it's your first job, you need to work and to get experience, even if it's a bad job or if you know you won't like it. When my intership was ending, I told my parents I didn't want to stay there because they treat their employes like shit, and the salary is terrible. They told me to still accept it if they offered because I still need a job (this one was web tho) and experience.

So, of course, since I was looking for my first job, was told this my entire live, always thought like that and they were the first to contact me, I accepted it.

BIGGEST FUCKING MISTAKE!! DON'T THINK LIKE THIS!! AND STOP TELLING KIDS THIS!! IT'S NOT A GOOD MENTALITY!!!

ALSO DON'T WORK WITH SAP! EVER!

all that for {price}?
that's quite a deal.

Microsoft bot is in love with Linux.

geeksay
Turn layman text 👶 to geeky version 🤓!

Just picked up some freelance work because someone recognized my dev rant shirt.

Devrant has become a cabal.

How do you turn the volume up on these giffs?

...😩

ABAP by SAP. The syntax is horrible in my opinion. I'm glad I don't need it any more.

after google-ing a computer fix i sometimes re-google the answer to make sure it's legitimate.

Well two days ago, i was in a sap codin g camp (ranted about that)
The challenge: moke a robot that avoid collisions and 6inds a black mm spot on tha floor
We marginally had enough time te implement sth but well i tried to do an algo.
10 mins before deadline i realized that it wouldnt work. So i took an old prototype (without algo) from the trash bin, fixed compilation errors and went to the competition without testing. Because we had to do a little explanation for the parents about arduinos, we all were shaky. A friend of mine even failed to remember his text xD

Asso, because of Fortuna wanting to beat us down, we were the last team driving in the arena. Everybody got pretty fast times. (with a random algo). At the end, we took our robot with the untestet thrash bin program.
It drove pretty well, avoided collisions and then it happened: it reached (only robot not to collide) the black spot in 1:09!!! 😁

Some quotes...! Share your views.

Just saying... 😅

😸:oh hi, i came in early to checkout this game, but i was just about to get off and start work.
😎:I'm not your boss. I don't caire what you do.
👺:I am your boss, and as long as you get the work done, on time, and done well, I don't care if it looks lie you are doing nothing but being paid to play games. If anyone does bother you about playing games at work let me and I will let them know to leave you alone.

SAP: tool of the devil! Got this error message today :)

The people who wrote the specs for SAP OCI should be hanged by rusty barbed wire while being tickled by krusty the clown.
Which one of these stinky hobbits thought it was a great idea to require a (catalog) server to handle a POST request by sending back an HTML form which has to execute a POST request immediately by JavaScript on load?
Why not fucking respond with the actual god damn fucking data?
Some "senior" (read "senile") software "engineer" has to get decapitated.

Quote from the specification (OCI Function: VALIDATE, section 2.3.2):
"The product catalog replies with an HTML page that contains a form with the productdata in OCI format. [...] The HTML page may not contain any visible elements ([...]). The form must be sent automatically by JavaScript after the page has been loaded."

The only thing that should get sent after loading would be these people's asses to hell after my minigun has finished loading.

SAP is the kind of company who earns a huge junk of money from utter, stinking, filthy crap and they like to piss in their customers' "müesli".

I was not having much respect for out front-end developer, as the UI is not so good., yea. I know it UI depends on the designer.

Now the new design changed and our UI looks awesome.,

and I must say that my respect increased a lot when my pm asked him to fix the layout in UC Browser.

Fucking shit., in UC it is showing two lanes as one lane. I don't know why., he was working hard to fix that.

Massive Respect to him. I really happy by being backend dev.

SAP is not a business system. Its goal is not to solve any kind of business problem. SAP is a club. Just like Supreme clothes, it's expensive for the sake of being expensive. Everyone else also knows they're expensive, and this is why you buy them. If you adopt SAP, you do it just to show potential investors that you have money. SAP is designer clothes of IT.

I kinda thought about it, and it was confirmed by a person who worked with SAP for the last 20 years.

@dfox
Only 2 rants an hour.
Ok
How about the ability to save and manually post later feature?

I had an idea for a rant. It was gold i tells ya... if only I could remember what it was. 😥

So, I'm a Jr. Webdev started one year ago to work on a €200mln. retail platform. Our development team consists out of my Sr. dev who designed the whole platform and it's basically his baby. Now he's leaving and it's expected from me to do new developments, support, meetings with managers from all over Europe, roll-outs in new countries, deal with all the issues SAP has, eat their bullshit when they can't upload a .csv file because they are too stupid to check for missing leading zeros. Listen to important their new functions are that they want because 120% of the salespeople needs it. How stupid can this company be to take the financial risk? I'm done.

Came across 'var3' and 'var15' while debugging Hybris. What the actual fuck SAP, since when do you hire preschoolers to code.

Thirty hours over two weeks, but we finally patched a angular app that was originally built on 2 (alpha) to 4, reducing the load time ten fold.

Don't thank me, thank super duck. The duck with the power to debug any code.

Gawd I'm tired.

who has used a screw driver to connect the prongs to turn on a computer without a case/power button?

i have been fortunate enough to always work with awesome people.

both jobs I have had after college had almost no supervision, and I could come and go as I pleased.

I am a professional, and I loved being treated as one. I don't take advantage of my work, and they don't take advantage of me.

I'm glad I don't even have to register an account @SAP...

Scrum master is SAP of tech specialities: both are just useless status symbols.

So ok here it is, as asked in the comments.

Setting: customer (huge electronics chain) wants a huge migration from custom software to SAP erp, hybris commere for b2b and ... azure cloud
Timeframe: ~10 months….

My colleague and me had the glorious task to make the evaluation result of the B2B approval process (like you can only buy up till € 1000, then someone has to approve) available in the cart view, not just the end of the checkout. Well I though, easy, we have the results, just put them in the cart … hmm :-\
The whole thing is that the the storefront - called accelerator (although it should rather be called decelerator) is a 10-year old (looking) buggy interface, that promises to the customers, that it solves all their problems and just needs some minor customization. Fact is, it’s an abomination, which makes us spend 2 months in every project to „ripp it apart“ and fix/repair/rebuild major functionality (which changes every 6 months because of „updates“.

After a week of reading the scarce (aka non-existing) docs and decompiling and debugging hybris code, we found out (besides dozends of bugs) that this is not going to be easy. The domain model is fucked up - both CartModel and OrderModel extend AbstractOrderModel. Though we only need functionality that is in the AbstractOrderModel, the hybris guys decided (for an unknown reason) to use OrderModel in every single fucking method (about 30 nested calls ….). So what shall we do, we don’t have an order yet, only a cart. Fuck lets fake an order, push it through use the results and dismiss the order … good idea!? BAD IDEA (don’t ask …). So after a week or two we changed our strategy: create duplicate interface for nearly all (spring) services with changed method signatures that override the hybris beans and allow to use CartModels (which is possible, because within the super methods, they actually „cast" it to AbstractOrderModel *facepalm*).
After about 2 months (2 people full time) we have a working „prototype“. It works with the default-sample-accelerator data. Unfortunately the customer wanted to have it’s own dateset in the system (what a shock). Well you guess it … everything collapsed. The way the customer wanted to "have it working“ was just incompatible with the way hybris wants it (yeah yeah SAP, hybris is sooo customizable …). Well we basically had to rewrite everything again.
Just in case your wondering … the requirements were clear in the beginning (stick to the standard! [configuration/functinonality]). Well, then the customer found out that this is shit … and well …

So some months later, next big thing. I was appointed technical sublead (is that a word)/sub pm for the topics‚delivery service‘ (cart, delivery time calculation, u name it) and customerregistration - a reward for my great work with the b2b approval process???

Customer's office: 20+ people, mostly SAP related, a few c# guys, and drumrole .... the main (external) overall superhero ‚im the greates and ur shit‘ architect.
Aberage age 45+, me - the ‚hybris guy’ (he really just called me that all the time), age 32.
He powerpoints his „ tables" and other weird out of this world stuff on the wall, talks and talks. Everyone is in awe (or fear?). Everything he says is just bullshit and I see it in the eyes of the others. Finally the hybris guy interrups him, as he explains the overall architecture (which is just wrong) and points out how it should be (according to my docs which very more up to date. From now on he didn't just "not like" me anymore. (good first day)
I remember the looks of the other guys - they were releaved that someone pointed that out - saved the weeks of useless work ...

Instead of talking the customer's tongue he just spoke gibberish SAP … arg (common in SAP land as I had to learn the hard way).
Outcome of about (useless) 5 meetings later: we are going to blow out data from informatica to sap to azure to datahub to hybris ... hmpf needless to say its fucking super slow.
But who cares, I‘ll get my own rest endpoint that‘ll do all I need.

First try: error 500, 2. try: 20 seconds later, error message in html, content type json, a few days later the c# guy manages to deliver a kinda working still slow service, only the results are wrong, customer blames the hybris team, hmm we r just using their fucking results ...
The sap guys (customer service) just don't seem to be able to activate/configure the OOTB odata service, so I was told)
Several email rounds, meetings later, about 2 months, still no working hybris integration (all my emails with detailed checklists for every participent and deadlines were unanswered/ignored or answered with unrelated stuff). Customer pissed at us (god knows why, I tried, I really did!). So I decide to fly up there to handle it all by myself

Any job interview were I have included the three years of Adobe Flash development on my resume.

What kind of developer are you and what is your opinion on other development areas?

Me: Junior dev, oriented towards full stack and Android(with a sysadmin background):

-Low-level(kernel development, embedded, drivers, operating systems, reverse engineers)- Badass, I wish I could do that.

-Mobile apps- awesome but too high level sometimes.

-Full stack/Backend- awesome.

-Web Frontend- fuck HTML+CSS. JS is cool I guess.

-Enterprise applications(e.g SAP) Pajeet, my son.

-Malware development- Holy shit that is awesome.

-Video Game development- was my dream since childhood.

-Desktop apps- No opinion.

Got the cheapest laptop I could find that would run Windows mixed reality.

Installed Linux subsystem for Windows and Ubuntu.

Nothing but giant flying terminal windows across my view of a virtual Seascape.

This is my new home.

The first time you try to google what an operator does by using the symbol in the search bar because you don't know the name for it.

*Watching a TED talk*

*Sponsored by SAP*

*screams internally*

@dfox
You put that little horizontal scroll bar or you seriously wanted to troll us?

Thinking it's a side bar, I tried literally 5-6 times and then I gave up.

Systemanalyse und Programmentwicklung - also known as SAP

I was having fun, when I aliased my co worker cd="exit", he spent his whole day on fixing it and decided to install os again. damn poor :/

Fuck SAP. May they receive their punishment in the circle of hell they deserve.

Reviewing code for applications after not working on it for six months.

Client: so what is the first step to adding our new feature.

Me: I really think we need to redo the entire architecture from the ground up. It won't work any differently than it does now, but the code will be cleaner.

Client:😓

Me:😅

currently having one. the new company gave an offer letter even though my notice period is 60 days , but things went downhill from there.

during these 60 days whenever i got a mail from new company, i acted upon it, and u was expecting things to go smoothly. they use some sap software for getting onboarding info.

today, on my joining date, am getting to know that i have not yet submitted some personal and legal details, so i cannot join today :/

why had i not submitted them? i had told them 7 days ago that there's some issue with the software as its not showing the section for uploading anything on my profile, but they ignored that. and today they are sending me an instruction pdf with super outdated images :///

squashed a spider this evening just to have it erupt with hundreds of tiny baby spiders.

what a terrifying real world visualization of my week.

Macbooks are fast because of it's hardware ?

If so, I'm I'll install linux in my MacBook air (given by company).

What do you suggest ?

Spending hours trying to solve a problem just to find that the answer was not just simple, but well known. You just didn't know the technical term to search for.

devRant stickers still in envelope.
getting new laptop in February... the wait is unbearable.

Non-techie friend: Does Blu-ray Compact disc will be blue in color or contains blue films ( In India we use blue films to refer porn movies ) ?

Me: :/

😺when is a 3 not a 3
🤔
😸when it is a string
😥
😹

At the bottom of the page:"Page 1 of 2".
Ok, next page:"Page 2 of 3" 🤨

My grandpa thougt me assembler when i was 7, I modded an hard drive with him (multiple write heads on one disc). Then i learned pascal. As my fathel work at sap, i got a free webdew course. And now, im "learning" c++ (rather sharpening my skills than learning)

All hope abondon, ye who enter here!

who dreams about programming?
I do.

awesome-eli5
Tech "explained" Like you're Five!

Stay above petty stuff at work. It can sap time and energy. Not worth it. I have encountered it at so many companies.

At the age of 50 I have learned what FICA is.

FInancial Customer Account

It'a a SAP module but I suppose It was the name of a Penthouse department.

P.S.

FICA in Italian are female genitals, "recupero" is retrieve.
It sounds like "pussy retrieve".
This document was made by a staff of 4 men and 4 women.

disadvantage of using noise canceling headphones.

boss comes in from other room. more amused than annoyed
👺:Is there a reason you are letting out a loud burp and a fart every couple minutes that i can hear through the walls?
🙊:Oh!? now I understand why my deaf friends are so oblivious to why the rest of us start laughing for 'no reason' when we go out to dinner with them.

Who the fuck at SAP thought 4 characters are enough to name the tables ffs!!!

SAP.

enough said.

!rant

Sometimes, when I want to get asleep fast, I just watch any SAP tutorial on YouTube and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

my farther, it took me three hours to teach him how to use a mouse, and complains about not being able to find the free WiFi (he expects it to be something physical he can walk up to and take).
but whe he finds out the Internet has porn he (by himself without instructions) hacks the senior community center's router to bypass the porn filter.

Something isn't working, I play around with the code, and try all possible things in the code. Still it doesn't work. Spend a couple of hours reading each and every line but still in vain. Finally, I find out that I was editing the wrong file (same file at another location) the whole time!! This happened a couple of times when I was a newbie, one of my most annoying mistakes.
Lesson learnt: Now when anybody asks me to debug his code, I first edit/add a print statement to make sure this is the correct file. I thought I was being skeptical, but it has saved me a lot of time (mostly interns do this rookie mistake).

Look at this awsome css

Just in case you still don't get recursion after endless pooh images

You have 10 notices that your rant had gotten a ++, but the total score has only gone up by one.
😒

When facebook and youtube adds are nothing but clients you built websites for.😒
Someone needs to update their algorithm to more than just 'how many times you visited a website before.'

i understand and accept why some people prefer mac.

every mac i have ever used has shit the bed during normal use. while windows and Linux machines have too, however less frequently. unlike mac there is always something i can personally do about it to fix the problem.

i like having complete control over my computer and don't like the idea of paying a premium to be told how i can or can't use it.

So we use SAP for this little thing.

Booking your work times in a self service. And guess what?!
That shitty piece of software cant handle such an easy task. I mean seriously what the heck?!

They load everything from the slowest server the world has ever seen.
It litterally takes 2 seconds to click a button and something happens.

I need at least 1 minute for one entry! ONE!!!!!

Not to forget to mention it is down like all the time. Hey there are more than 4 users?!
Lets burn the instance down to the ground. Yeah thanks SAP cloud. Great job!

Ok. Sap is a cool rompany, right? Im at a coding camp at it. The final challenge will be presented to the parents and the saps ceo. BUT YO U ONLY GIVE ME FUCKING 5 HOURS TO CODE IT??? ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS? YOU EXPECT ME TO USE A RANDOM ALGO OR WHAT??? I WANTED TO IMPLEMENT A ROOMBA ALGO, BUT WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worst Hackathon Experience ever!
Had been to SAP for a hackathon last year. Built a complete solution for our challenge. Due to no sleep and 48 hours of non stop coding, my team mate who was supposed to present our solution screwed it up in the last minute. Now we blame ourselves for losing because of our bad presentation.

21 days of X - Make 2018 productive!

Ok... Now the fun stuff can begin :)

We have a customer that doesn't have a SINGLE linux admin. So now I have to fight with Docker EE on Windows Server 2019 (linux containers). Just fucking kill me already. Nothing works and when it does it just seems so shaky. Not like I didn't try to tell my team that linux containers on Docker EE for windows aren't officially supported and highly experimental.

But wtf do I expect from someone that STILL sells SAP and from someone that is stupid enough to buy it.

if (time () < 5pm)
drinkCoffee ();
else
drinkBeer ();

Client sends screenshots, compressed, and shrunk down to an unreadable size, inside a docx file.

Just... just no. Where is a spray bottle or a rolled up newspaper when you need one.

(For you three people who are going to comment 'why don't you just teach them...' ssssssssssshut up, some people are just unteachable ( for you other three who are going to say 'everyone is teachable.' Not true, if it was you wouldn't be saying such things.))

Short Rant, 2 lines:
Got a new IT Director in our company.
This person thinks SAP is the same as PHP.
End of story.

SAP Ariba.
Imagine you can test newly created catalogs, but on error you only receive an error ID, which you have to send to a support email to get the acual error message, but support only responds after maybe 2 weeks if you're lucky.
How hard can it be to implement a log viewer next to your catalog testing forms.

SAP shit. Bad documentation by design.

Android is fucking fucked up.

Why the fuck it takes so much of time to build. And trust me,

React + Android is the worst combination. Can't even understand what the fuck it is trying to say?

And sometimes, no body knows what is wrong with something. Seriously look at the picture, that's the solution sent by the Android lead.

Did you realize the repeatedly at the end. 🦆 What try 🦆 dude.

Fuck. I'm ain't gonna work on this after this project.

Somewhere out there, a middle manager looked at SAP's time tracking tool and thought, "This, yes, this is exactly what we need in our organisation"

Did some changes and raised a code review. Some lines' indentation don't align. The senior dev (reviewer) asks me to format according to the project scheme.
Changed all tabs to spaces; lines don't align.
Changed all spaces to tabs (with a heavy heart); surprisingly it still doesn't align!!
I'm like okay, let's dive deeper.. Found that the surrounding lines were indented this way: 4 spaces followed by a tab..!! SERIOUSLY!?! WHY? HOW? I mean how does this kind of shit happen?!
Worst part -> getting ship it after following the current convention!

Anybody know any good .net web devs in Sydney? I'm sick of reading seek and LinkedIn resumes where 95% of the applicants have a phone number starting with +91 and are skilled in "user testing and SAP".

I mean, what are they expecting? "Absolutely sir, we will mail you a first class plane ticket right now for your interview! Oh .net was just a suggestion, you can code in COBOL if you prefer. And don't worry about that pesky working Visa, we can pay cash!"

OMFG this SAP hybris backoffice is such a disfunctional piece of shit. The simplest modification is like going through dozends of places, changing weird named XML stuff. I consider myself good at seeing the whole picture of an API ... but this ... this isn't something I would even call API ... IT'S shit, pure and utter shit.
Sockets, widgets XML, config XML, widget-configurations, definition.xml widgetcontroller .... not even the docs are clear (or existing for that matter) ... ARG !"§$%&/(O

Spent two hours having two recruiters give me test, interviewing, and being told HOW perfect I am for the job I was applying for; Just to be told they are only allowed to send over people they have found previous work for, but I should instead apply to these othwr positions that pay half what I'm looking for.

The school I went to, and this was really the only benefit of the school, gave all it students lifetime memberships to digital tutors, which was bought out by pluralsight, which then bought code School. So I basically got free membership to three different sites, all of which have a good amount of technical training with videos, guides, and work along lessons on them.

For what school cost to me, it will have paid for itself as long as I live for another Thousand Years.

We had a contractor come in claiming to be a certified SAP hybris Dev but he was useless. The weird part was: he refused to use the toilets in the office. We always saw him using the grotty public ones outside. These public toilets were 'well known' in the area shall we say.

You know how shitty Crystal is when you need this setup to try and get it to work across environments. (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Someone in the company wants to make one (database) field multiple choice. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS

Am I Data Engineer or Software Development Engineer ?

I design the infrastructure for analytics data, and I build the infra entirely including an development. Except making reports out of the data.

What I'm supposed to be called ?
Data Engineer ?
Software Development Engineer ?

Definitely not an Data Scientist. Official designation given by company is Data Engineer II. But what I'm ?

Confused, someone help me please.

One time I had to review some SAP / Excel / Visual Basic toolchain.

It was a huge mess with like 10 layers of if-then cases in around 1000 lines of code analyzing excel sheets, resolving error codes etc. in maybe two functions.

It turned out that I programmed that code about 8 years ago :/

I don't know what is worse. SAP hybris backoffice or its "promotion module". Fuck, that piece of shit is an overengineerd bastard - full of bugs and slow as hell.

I hope you guys who created this monster burn in hell for you atrocitiy!

!dev
Never ever have I heard of SAP before, still Algo hits again

V a c a t i o n s should be next questions. Like where people are or went.

Just today I lost a lawsuit because my contract was written and signed in Nigeria and I sued them in the USA and I couldn't convince the judge it was fraud. I transformed the company implenting SAP and office365 and a WAN and many other projects. Worked nearly every single day 3 years in a row even during vacations, public holidays and holidays. Lost over 400k USD in lost benefits and wages that were in the contract but never paid. I feel absolutely devastated.
Unless you work for a US or European based company never ever work in Nigeria.

After working with a coworker on some odd issues, I finally decided to check on the actual ticket he needed assistance with.

From now on, we will optimize our HTML for aesthetic appeal in Chrome's dev tools. display:none is verboten.

Sometimes I wonder if I've had a stroke or if I've died and am in purgatory.

Love Squirrel Girl, the super hero with the powers of a squirrel, and a degree in computer science.

SAP - ERP & ABAP :|

don't even talk to me till I've had my 100.oz of cold brewed tea.

Hello and welcome come to hell for developers. Take a seat at any open computer.
You may have noticed we did away with the fire and brimstone.
Instead we just have you maintain the legacy code from your first job.
It's genrally html, php, javascript, and css all on the same page and all mixed together.
We would say have fun, but that's not really the point.

"There is a reason that we keep our variables private. We don’t want anyone else to depend on them. We want to keep the freedom to change their type or implementation on a whim or an impulse. Why, then, do so many programmers automatically add getters and setters to their objects, exposing their private variables as if they were public?"
-Uncle Bob, Clean Code.

reaction to change from +1 and -1 to ++ and --

One of the worst things I did in my career as a developer was that when i had to change an offer form in our SAP System. My boss told me to change the prices in a form in our SAP system. Normally the key users do that but our SAP System is so fucked up that sometimes the developers have to do it because you have to write directly into the database. So I wanted to look up which table it was and what I saw scared me.

IT WAS A FUCKING IMAGE.

So I used paint to edit the prices in the image and re-uploaded the image. Shame on me but I didn't wanted to change that shit. I have other things to do than that.

have to turn off notifications for devrant if I'm going to get anything done today.

I need to stop adding, weep uncontrollably, between tasks in my work to do list before my coworkers start thinking I'm serious.

Technically I am serious - you would be too if you had to manage the servers I inherited - but I don't want to ruin the all powerful Wizard of Oz vibe I got going.

talking about people with computer preferences i don't understand.

i sometimes forget i use a mechanical roller ball mouse for work and play.

which one? just google it, these are so out of fashion there are only three different models currently for sale anywhere that i can find.

ha!
from 'clean code' by Robert C. Martin

So in grade 11 (2 years ago),i had to do something called "job shadowing".basically you choose a profession and you go to a workplace. My cousin (who's in the same SAP industry)got me into this SAP development place.there were like quite a few "developers" but mostly business analysts.they made me learn this (in my oppinion) absolute shit language called ABAP which I found to be mostly glorified SQL . First I had to just create a small program which I did in like a few minutes after my mentor taught me the basic commands but you have to learn alot of module numbers and other shit.and guess what ,I remember I had to end one liners with a damn full stop,seriously fucking irritating.
So,worst dev technology I've worked with ever is SAP.Bad thing is my cousin and my uncle are really trying to take me into that bullshit SAP shit of theirs but I always refuse.will never step my foot into a SAP development job ever.

a, b = b, a
Because that's how it's supposed to be done!

I never wanted to be a WordPress expert. I had WordPress expertise thrust upon me.

Getting a new laptop is exhausting if you haven't been keeping up with the technology. I have purchased three laptops in the last two weeks returning the first two after spending 10 + hours each installing updates and software just to find out they didn't work for what I needed.

My father - informatician at sap germany, uses internet explorer as standard and wonders why wifi doesnt work. I had to tell him for half an hour , he should try using chrome (standart at sap, preinstalled) and it worked

I was talking to my non tech friend, one friend of her who is working at one big kind of MNC (Mobile network companies) asked me what do you use in VFox.

I have no fucking idea what's VFox. I said I have no idea what is, we don't use it. He immediately asked me what technologies you guys are using (I am working in a startup)?

I said we are using Ruby, Ruby On Rails and Python, Djanho. He said you use all the old technologies.

I was like: WTF :😂, Okay tell me what are the new technologies? My friend interrupted us.

Later I googled to see what is VFox. It is actually a hosting company and this guy who don't even have any idea about AWS, GCP, using VFox saying Ruby and Python are old technologies. Lol..

I'm currently working on updating our SAP Hybris code base (unreleased) to the latest hybris version ... god, there are so many bugs I could scream. SAP, how can you release such a saftware*, or wait the actual question is, SAP aren't you ashamed for that peace of shit you sell for 1M per licences!?!?!
Allegedly SAP has >100 people sitting there working on hybris. Every new version I wonder the same, when do the finally fix the bugs, improve performance, update the 10year old ant version, migrate to maven, remove the bloat ...
what they actually do is just add bugs and more bloat "§$%&/()=)(?/&%(&

* german "saft" means juice. A "saftladen" is a shitty company, "saftware" ... you get it right ;-)

after to many years of the purgatory that is 2 monitors.
i now have 3 with one being a cintiq.

FUCK SAP HANA!

There, that's my rant, fuck that shit

any time i come up with a cleaver solution to a problem I remember my cousin who works for nasa and i mope about how I've waisted my life and nothing i do matters.

Is anybody on the SAP summit in Heidelberg this evening?

Things nobody's supposed to do.

Dis dude @ODXT. First actual friend I made at the job. Magician that showed me the BS and Magic workarounds in report development using SAP. Also GM, Taco Accomplice, and Ramen connoisseur. Really happy to call him a friend, mentor, and partner in (food) crime

What's that? You committed the tmp/dist/cache field for something only YOU run locally and asked me to review it. Just GET OUT.

//TODO: rant

Buying a brand new laptop, I think I'll save some money and get an i5 instead of an i7 and then turn around the next day and decide I hate money and I love having a computer that's more powerful than I need it to be.

magento + task centre + SAP B1 = suecide

What are the last words of a computer scientist?
Let me quickly install SAP.

One of my tasks for today was to change one (ONE! I REPEAT, ONE!!) field in over 2100 clients. SAP has a transation that changes anything you want in mass, all I had to do was select the clients I wanted to change and the new field value. This transation has been running since 2pm, it's almost 6pm and it's only halfway through.

Tomorrow is a national holiday and I wanted to focus on my personal project, but I bet I'll have to do this again tomorrow, because there's no way in hell I'm staying here for 4 more hours to get this done today, and 4/5 hours when I get home is not enough!

So yeah, fuck SAP for taking so long, and fuck whoever didn't notice sooner that we had to change this.

Ended friday on a really good note. Started monday on a complete shit note. Why does team communication have to be so fucking difficult? Oh so you want this like this even though you told me this and now I've spent 3 hours getting drained doing this? Fuck this. Also FUCK SAP, any company who uses that shit should be taxed as if they were established in a ultra communist hell (or utopia depending on your beliefs) until they implement something decent.

Code editors as Doom skill levels:
coda = I'm too young to die.
notepad++ = Hey, not to rough.
sublime = Hurt me plenty.
vi = Ultra-Violence.
emacs = Nightmare!

Integrating some SAP service in our otherwise perfectly ok application and having a glimpse of the SAP way -.-

I don't know how erp systems can be so expensive and yet so bad. Integrating our software with sap is turning out to be painful.

Our time recording software (based on SAP) triggers a blocking synchronous web service call every single time you do *anything*. Imagine having to wait 10 seconds every time you:
- put a number in a cell
- select a row
- press anything on the screen

Oh and when you lose connection nothing is saved and you have to start again (wtf was it even sending to the server)

My last week of vacations. A brake on bussiness programing... lol

Monday:
Receive a phone call from a colegue:
Hi the equipment it not working.
Me: ( upset with the acuracy) reboot that shit!
Colegue: Its working. Thank you.
Me: 😲😨😵😱

Today (Thursday):
Collegue: The printer is not working!
Me: 😡 Im on vacation. Check the cable or try to reinstall the printer...
Colegue: Its working. Thank you.
Me: 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

2 fucking hours later:
Collegue try to call
Me: Did not answer... 😡 Fuch this shit.
Colegue send text message saying that they had a problem on the video projector but its ok now..
Me: 😠😡😢😢😢
I'M ON V A C A T I O N

This book I'm reading on SEO is like drinking nightquil.

The more I read the harder it gets to not pass out.

SAP made it easy

"Oh computer, your real name should be porn funnel. I love my family more than you, but only collectively. on a case by case basis I love you more than any individual family member. "
-Nerd 'robot chicken'

"I don't think anyone will mind if we update and make all old code incompatible."
- every reat/soap service the day after you finish development.

Before my vacation I’d been chatting with one of our dbas about an etl tool we needed for a customer we’d already signed all the contracts with saying we would provide one for a historical database of old data. They had been looking at one from SAP but in typical fashion a license was worth more than the actual contract.

Anyway long story short on the weekend before I went back to work I rattled together a little python proof of concept using a couple of azure databases and when I went back demo’d it to the pm and dba they loved it and we built on the poc to have a working loader which saved us about £30k by not buying the SAP product and just wrote our own.

Can anyone tell me if is normal a design department earn more than a IT department??? Am I crazy or this is plain stupid???

How to fuck up a simple feature in terms of usability and functionality and take two freaking years (!) for it?
Just use some low code dogshit like the crap that SAP provides.

Started new contract recently, their main product is aiming to be some kind of automation holy grail for business, basically low code nonsense integrating with most of the industry standard tools like sap or confluence. Their entire infrastructure is setup manually, slowly transitioning from on premise to AWS. No infra as code, no playbooks, not even scripts, just "engineers" painstakingly clicking the UI. They don't seem to see the irony of being automation company that doesn't use automation, but I'm having a good laugh at least.