*me, coding at a pub*
*random dude walks up to me*
He: "what are you doing? Programming? What?"
Me: "yup. That's a horizontally and vertically scalable webservice, that's using amqp, rest APIs and encryption to schedule starting, stopping and autoscaling of a total of 90 heroku applications. This webinterface *showing* allows you to trigger starts and stops manually and monitor all processes."
He: "oh, so you are programming a Website? In HTML?"
Me: "euhm........ Yes."

I understand this dude had probably no clue what I was talking about.. Yet I am angry at him. Reducing more than 12k loc to HTML... Go fuck yourself.

One of my friends told me that i was a monster. She heard me say that we should kill the kids.

I guess processes have rights now.

First rant here. Long, but please bear with me:

So after slogging my ass off in various early stage startups for over 4 years and keeping up with the almost non-existent development process, I joined an organisation which has some of the brightest and smartest minds I have had the pleasure to work with.

Mind you, this company is the market leader in it's field and has a 50+ people in it's tech team and the quality of work is pretty impressive.

Now for this week's sprint, I was asked to develop a feature which already exists on the Android app and they want to introduce in the iOS app too. The backend APIs are all in place and all I need to do is build it with virtually no dependency. My PM asks me to start with the UI and ask the backend dev for the API list whenever I need them.This is where the story turns.

For my first API, I go to the backend dev and ask him to share the API documentation and he looks at me as if I have asked him to dance the fucking cha cha. With a straight face he tells me that, 'The organisation doesn't maintain any kind of documentation for it's APIs.' Now this really shocks me. Even in a 5 men tech teams I have worked on, we have always maintained a spec doc for the APIs and this is a company which is known for it's tech practices.

Being the new guy I compose myself and ask if they have anything for me here: Postman collection, a workflowy doc, a goddamn txt file; anything which might help me, and he laughs at my dilusion and says no.

Dejected, I ask for a way to get the APIs and I am told that there are only two ways: either I keep bothering the Android dev for the APIs(No, I don't have the access to the android repo and nor am I gonna get it) which he had worked on 4 months back or I install the prod app on my phone, and use Charles to get every fucking API which is really, really annoying.

I thought writing out this rant would make me feel better, turns out it just made me angrier. Why the fuck can't they document such an important thing!?

Was asked to check the sales team server as it was running slow.
Apart from redundant processes and users with too much permissions I found a "Cobol" folder under one of the sales team member's home folder.

If it weren't the sales people I would immediately disregard this as trolling but with them it's quite possible that this is a real attempt to learn programming...
...most likely from the facebook ads with the hooded guys that offer to teach you to code in 10 days for $800.

Me: doing light browsing.
CPU Fan: increases frequency like crazy.
Me: opens task manager.
Windows 10: 60% cpu usage.
Me: sort processes by cpu usage; sum does not match.
Me: closes iTunes update window.
CPU usage: drops to less than 10%.

The update had already finished and the CPU usage was 60%!!!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, APPLE?

Company: we care about work/life balance (as long as shit gets done)

Company: we care about mental well-being (except when shit has to be done "now!")

Company: we help each other (we push work around until someone finally do it)

Company: management is here to help you do your work (as long as you don't ask them to help you to solve a real problem)

Company: we are agile (except we have more sub-processes than ever)

Company: we only hire best (and then put them in the team of morons)

Company: we are customer centric (that's why we are delivering bugged features)

Company: we constantly rise the bar (deliver more shit in shorter time)

... did I forget about something?

Rant rant = new Rant
rant.isRant = false // !!!

I woke up this morning after not thinking about my code for a day, and realized i had a flaw in my validation design. I fixed it before opening my eyes.

It's kind of amazing how not thinking about a problem can help solve it. Even if you don't know it's there!

Hi ceo_candidate:

Welcome to CEO 101:

Q: How do you impress shareholders?
A: Without understading any processes, I cut down half of the IT team, saving a few 100k a year. Adding stress to the remaining team that now has to maintain lots of extra stuff. But, who cares? I still will expect my deliverables on time.

That is correct!

Achievement unlocked: Advanced CEO Practices

!rant

It's been months since I last posted in here, but I finally get to share good news for once!

I quit my current job and took an offer at a much better company in a senior developer role.

I no longer have to put up with an idiot tech lead who cannot either prioritize tasks or follow simple processes, a self-absorbed senior developer who keeps deleting my code for his because he prefers tables over divs for layouts, and an incompetent HR manager who is more concerned about his image than the welfare of us employees.

I felt pure bliss when I handed in my resignation. I feel focused and ready to tackle my next challenges at my new job in January. I can't wait.

My personal learning here is that while good things come to those who wait, it still needs you to take that first step yourself and without hesitation.

Working hard on a project. Suddenly, my system freezes except for my terminals. I curse, as I really don't want to reboot. I spend 10 minutes that I don't have investigating processes, and then look at my mouse.

It's wireless, and had simply run out of juice.

I was called in our residents meeting because I was talking on the phone that "We should kill the childs first and if there are any orphans we should kill them,too".

Today I feel like a monster.

Due to the optimizations/automatizations I have made to the processes in my job, some low level employees are not longer required.... Ever again.

Their last day of work was yesterday, but I'm still uneasy if this is how life is now. If every job will be removed to be made by machines.

I have a laptop which I bought for the sole purpose of gaming and I bought a hell lot of games off steam to startup.

But the problem here is I have to run those games on Windows (nvidia graphics card) and I only have a primary hdd and no ssd. Even though the ram and processor is up to speed due to high I/O on disk, I am not able to get a good performance out of it. To top it off random Windows processes hogging hdd in the background.

Any suggestions on what to do?

All this "political correctness" cancer spreading through the Python community at the moment over "master/slave" terminology has me wondering where will it end. When the pendulum swings will be have a pro-life movement opposed to pre-emptively killing processes? Will a branch of PETA form to oppose the taxonomic appropriation of reptilian names for the language as a whole? Are we going to need to find gender-neutral names for motherboards to avoid offending those who are offended by the oppressive digital binary? Will removing "mother" from the name motherboard invite 6th wave feminists to decry the influence of toxic masculinity in electronics? Do snake lives matter? Seriously, some people need to take a month off to go fuck themselves somewhere far far away and stop confusing "diversity" with "rampant idiocy".

I just realized that CPU's are essentially electronic hookers, for processes.

They'll service any process that calls upon them, but keep switching between various processes so that it can spend time fairly with each of its processes. And of course, they'll immediately abandon their current process if one with a higher priority reveals itself and attend to that one instead. Once it is finished, it'll return to its less-important processes.

Kinda sounds like a hooker to me... 🤔

!rant
Observed a full deployment the other day and discovered it's extremely inefficient. I proposed an idea to fix it, and was shot down by a senior dev on the team. I was ranting about how asinine the process was and how my process could reduce the amount of time and training required to do deployments with out any additional cost or overhead. A senior dev from another department over heard me, found my workspace and told me (in a nutshell), "write up a document about why the current process is garbage and how yours is better, and how it works, I'll review it and we'll get it worded and formatted right. When we finish the document, I'll forward it to the CTO of your department with your name on it and my recommendation for review." Fuck yeah. 😈😎

Soooo, after raising my issue regarding microsoft's massive invasion of privacy and removing control from the user a couple of my friends, ahem I mean "aquaintances", said this to me:
"Get a mac! So clean, lightweight and user friendly and won't spy on you".

Clearly people who never looked at their list of background processes and installed little snitch. I swear, every couple of minutes something is trying to phone home to Apple.

Now I've been pretty open to all platforms (Win/Mac/*NIX/misc) until recently but this has reached a point it is no longer funny.

When I get a moment I'm gonna shove linux so far up that machine's arse Steve Jobs is gonna feel it in the ether!

I get pissed when somebody takes me out of my coding mindset for something minor. A deep bubble of abstract thought gets popped so that I can be told that we'll be eating dinner in an hour. I then have to start my thought processes from scratch.
This is why I can't get any work done during the daytime, and why I do all my coding at night.
This comic depicts this issue perfectly.

I think I figured out why so many companies jumped on board the Agile approach. Companies heard Productivity Bonus and Put Stuff into a List Of Things to Do, and left out all the rest of their responsibilities. One of my past companies was like "We're going to take an Agile approach to everything! Except, we're not going to shield developers from everyone who has stuff in the backlog, and we're going to have other meetings during the day on top of the scrum meetings to check on your progress, and we're going to measure points in time instead of complexity".

I feel like the creators of the Agile Manifesto would be really upset at all of the poorly implemented processes. Because all of us developers are pretty upset.

I have an interview on Thursday for a job I've been doing for the past 9 months - I bloody hope I get it!

I'm currently classed as an 'Apprentice' but have been doing the sole job of the Developer after he left a week before I started.

The only differences between the two roles is the pay difference and title (just about double my current rate).

I've started to produce documentation and processes for rolling upgrades to our application without downtime which is something they're big on.

Public sector for you, it took 9 months for a replacement...

Big project this week. Lots of fires to put out. Deadlines approaching.

Monday: I can get by on just four hours sleep. No problem. Will be just like college.

Wednesday: I'm going to just close my eyes while this file uploads. Maybe I will backup the server while I'm at it; Just take a nap while that processes.

Friday: Sorry if my office smells like vomit. It's because I am so tired I vomited.

Sunday: I'm not getting out of this bed tomorrow. Let them fire me. I think I will just will myself into a coma. That will be nice.

Sometimes I wish people were Linux processes so that I could kill them for being so fucking useless.

Ruined my weekend for no reason. Get a fucking life.

Guy: - "Your restart script doesn't work."
Me: - "What do you mean?"
Guy: - "It does nothing."
Me: - "It should kill every processes that's running within the project and start them again. Wait... Why do you terminate it?"
Guy: - "I don't. It just stops."
Me: - "It says `Terminated` here. You killed it. Just let it do it's job, don't kill it."
Guy: - "I'm not killing it! It just stops!"

(...two hours later...)

Me: - "Wait... Where do you run it from?"
Guy: - "What do you mean? I just run the script you gave me."
Me: - "Yeah, but where do you run it from? Where did you put it?"
Guy: - "It's part of the project so I put it in the project, d'oh!"

New HOE came. He “streamlined” the processes and “standardised” the policies. And in turn.. fucked up the whole startup feel of my company.

I saw it happening right in front of my eyes in a matter of only few months.

Earlier, things were flexible, work was fun, people were even ready to put in more hours because we were all having fun. Now, work feels like work, fun is gone, frustration has become normal, and the most frustrating part is that.. WFH is now a “privilege”.

Fuck this shit man! That fucker exhausted the whole company in just a few months. Given enough time, he will be the end of this company.

Jim comes in and tells me that server RENEGADE-DB1 has no more space left and that he tried to remove a few ridiculous sized log files, but that the system wouldn't allow him. So he used some 3rd party tool to shutdown the processes that used those log files and then succesfully removed them.

Now the database is not working and Jim needs my help.

Hello darkness my old friend.

A lot of phrases we use in software would make awesome alternative-rock band names.

- Integer Overflow
- Curly Braces
- Recursion
- Callback Hell
- Daemon Processes
- Nested Loop
- Regular Expressions

Source: Twitter

So it happened that a roll of my office chair broke. Since the ordering process in our company is a nightmare and takes forever AND my employer is too cheap to buy enough adequate replacement, I had to draw and print a spare part myself...

> Monitoring: Load Average of 57!! ALERT!!!!
> me: What? That's not possible?
> *Monitoring froze 14 hours ago*
> *sshs into server*
> *see attached image*

The issue was ~1200 df processes that were issued by our monitoring system and all of them didn't finish because the external cluster we mounted onto that server died a few minutes before that. Just re-mounting the cluster fixed it but still a funny sight!

A friend of mine bought a new laptop with an ssd and called me over since it behaved weirdly. All the icons on the desktop would turn to white squares and slowly reload their images. Also the laptop was pretty slow.
She said she had brought it to the store to show that behaviour and the only advice they would give was to reinstall windows...
So I started checking on what processes are running...
The thing was constantly running an "optimization" tool... which, you guessed it, was constantly defragmentating... the ssd... are you fkn serious who set up that shit this way...

Thank you sooooo much for giving me a list of six tutorial videos you expect me to record by tomorrow, before I leave the company. It shouldn't be too hard, you say, having never ever gone through any of the processes before. Oh, and this is in addition to the big video tutorial which you asked for this afternoon that you expect by Friday morning. Not to mention the eight separate projects I still need to write documentation for. Oh, and this all would have been much smoother if this company would have given me time to work out all this documentation earlier instead of waiting until after I turned in my two weeks to take documentation seriously.

I guess I'll be lucky if I only have to deal with these things tomorrow. But given your penchant for pulling me off my main projects to deal with bullshit tangents, I bet that ain't going to happen. And I bet you're still going to flood me with calls on Monday morning, as I start my brand new job.

Son of a fucking bitch I forgot to pay the fucking internet bill and now my connection is down until the fucking payment processes.

Fucking shit I can't do a damn thing without internet bruh.

So after a llllllloooooonnnnnnngggggg struggle with the team i've been working with, today is the day that my group move to a different org and start working with a different team.

This is a huge step in the right direction for us and we are so happy. This new team is much bigger, but has been around for a lot longer and has proper processes in place and works a lot smoother. Never going to be perfect, but still going to be much more workable and we are so ...... thats an interesting linter file, hhhmmm they have disabled all the checks for the stuff that will cause crashes, like force unwrapping ... but they've enabled the rule to make sure our imports are sorted alphabetically

... nope, cant do it, no sign of intelligent life in this company at all. linkedin here I come.

Currently, a classmate and I are working on our technical thesis.
It is all about industry 4.0, IIoT, big data and stuff.
This week, we presented our interim results to our supervisor. He is very pleased with our work and made the following suggestion:
He thinks it would be awesome to publish our work on our own GitHub repository and make it open source because he is convinced that this thesis is able to kind of "set a new standard" in some specific fields of using big data analysis in production processes.

I guess I'm kind of proud :)

Data Engineering cycle of hell:

1) Receive an "beyond urgent" request for a "quick and easy" "one time only" data need.

2) Do it fast using spaghetti code and manual platforms and methods.

3) Go do something else for a time period, until receiving the same request again accompanied by some excuse about "why we need it again just this once"

4) Repeat step 3 until this "only once" process is required to prevent the sun from collapsing into a black hole

5) Repeat steps 1 to 4 until it is impossible to maintain the clusterfuck of hundreds of "quick and simple" processes

6) Require time for refactoring just as a formality, managers will NEVER try to be more efficient if it means that they cannot respond to the latest request (it is called "Panic-Driven Development" or "Crappy Diem" principle)

7) GTFO and let the company collapse onto the next Data Engineering Atlas who happens to wander under the clusterfuck. May his pain end quickly.

Debian 9.3's gpg issue is driving me crazy! I can't install anything outside of the default apt repos no matter what I try.

No matter what, apt always does the exact same thing. It adds the repo; then finds, imports, and processes the key; and finally fails with "gpg: no valid OpenPGP data found."

I've spent hours looking this up and trying to fix it.

Just. ARGH!
☹

Am I the only one who thinks recruitment processes are lower quality the more the industry evolves?

I just shocked an interviewer by saying i’m not checking all their boxes from the ad, after being pushed by their hr to take the interview, regardless beeing made sure by HR thats not a problem.

After interview radio silence. i don’t get it...first you headhunt someone, spend 3 weeks in convincing for an on-site and then you can’t even bother sending a “Dude you are not what we look for in the end” mail?

Guess I ask too much from recruiters, did anyone else encountered this?

My current company decided to do all automation in node.js.
Crawling, new projects, processes, all of it in Node.

Fuck my life.

Boss: "Sooo.... How long will it take?"

Me: "Maybe we should agree on some processes and specify your wishes for the new feature first?"

Boss: "Yeah you're right.... But what do you think? Will you get it done til $deadline?"

...

Why am I even trying? Who needs project management anyway?

Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.

Dev (4 months later): Here it is

Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.

Dev: …

My banker is from Kenya and every time I see him we completely drift off finance and talk at length on education, specifically technical education.
I have some experience teaching in high school, and when he said they could really use people like me in Kenya, it resonated.
I would like to go back to the industry once I'm done with the PhD, but I don't think about the industry as endgame.
I'd like to eventually be an educator, or someone who contributes to educational programs and processes.

My best experience was going from static HTML and non-preprocessed CSS to having my mind blown by Sass & learning JavaScript and what "API" even means (and starting on ruby and basics in command line). I actually feel like I'm a developer in some sense of the word.

That was a ton of growth in a year where I transitioned from a purely graphic design role to having an influence over development processes and rolled out a number of projects to production that I spearheaded.

Don't just blindly do what's asked to be done by superiors. Be critical, suggest alternatives and take ownership of and participate in processes beyond your own scope.

My coworker doesn't know how to use a terminal. He talked himself into his position and instead of taking the time to learn about the basic commands he keeps asking someone else (including the teammanager, who's actually a software engineer) to do things for him.
For reference; we need the terminal to tail log files, keep track of processes, cron jobs, manipulate file structures, use scp (I use sshfs) to move things between other workstations and servers etc. Being able to use a terminal is one of the basic requirements for our job.

What.
Why.
How.

Why do people do this?

it was 12am when we are ready to launch our new web design which requires a lot of hardwork and routing processes. my team lead was the one who pushes the button to production using "cap production deploy" command. everyone in the room (including PM) was like counting down like launching a rocket to space. the feeling is great knowing that everyone was sleepy at that time. im glad it went smooth and everyone congratulates each other.

I've just found out that the Chinese can even fuck up the most basic of manufacturing processes. A goddamn fucking perfboard, why on Earth would that need good adhesive with decent mechanical strength, right?!!

Initially I was told by other electronics chaps that the adhesive under the pads melts because I'm soldering at such a high temperature (470°C). Well I thought at the time that these boards are really shitty and their adhesive is garbage, and now that I've even seen a cold pad just rip off cleanly, I guess it's confirmed. That adhesive IS fucking garbage and that temperature on the iron is really just fine.

Well, I guess that I'll just design my own PCB's then, and hope that JLCPCB isn't even more Chinesium shit. Because honestly I'm pretty fucking sick of it.

Close all IDEs.

Then...

if (needs_music) {
open.production("fl_studio");
} else if (needs_engine_roar) {
open.game("fsx");
} else {
open.systemapp("Task Manager");
kill.all("processes");
computer.shutdown(5000);
}

Looking for job opportunities, one grabbed my attention and I decided to apply. First, I had to fill a form with 40 questions, explaining and justifying development processes, best practices and overall knowledge. Ok, no problem. Form submitted, and I see a step 2. Now I have to build a single page site from scratch, and send another form with code, link, and more justifications regarding development. After that, my application will be sent.

Then I found this observation, saying the position was for a freelancer, that will receive work occasionally. Not a full time position as I thought.

Sometimes cleaning bathrooms sounds a better option.

Typos kill, kids! And deploying to production.

Instead of "for item in items" in my script, I accidentally did "for items in items". Thus, an exponential loop has been entering things into the database for the past few hours before I found the place to fix it.

By the way, this runs on cron every minute. So there are processes still running exponentially right now, possibly 180+.

Yeah, I'm setting up a a test server instead now.

I’m sure many of you are well aware of this, but I just ran across this today and found it amusing. Apparently, Chrome uses the term “zygote” to identify child processes. 😁

Just checked a pr I need to take care of tomorrow…

“Please review [other pr] first, this solves a bug the other one introduces”

…Ah yes. Stupidity.

“Already tested by QA, accept without comments or job will be wasted.”

… I need a vacation or a megaphone to make someone deaf by screaming in their ears again and again: “follow the fucking processes instead of making QA preapprove your shitty code.”

Been working for a while with some terrible code with no documentation that I just inherited from a previous employee

Topic: multi-threaded program in Python

Goal: kill both parent and children with keyboard interrupt

Intuitive idea: check in children processes if parent still alive

Implemented idea:
- parent creates socket connection
- keyboard interrupt kills parent and thus the socket connection as well
- children receive some specific socket error from the loss of connection
- children catch the exception and are killed
In Python 2, of course

I, too, like to inflict pain on myself for fun

A few days ago, in my windows machine, I was looking at the Task manager's processes. I was like, "I don't need Cortana. It is using so much RAM already. Why not delete it?"
So, I used "Iobit Unlocker" to force delete Cortana & everything seemed okay. But after 1 day, creating new folder option is gone. Now I have to use CMD and MKDIR to create new folders.
The start menu search is also gone (I guess, That's what Cortana was for).
My context menu became buggy. Some menus show sometimes, sometimes don't. "Open with VS code" option is also gone sometimes.
I don't know what will happen next.
Keep my "Windows machine" in your prayer :/

Some non-IT people wrote a crappy software tool. Others have started using it for business critical processes.

Asshats: "People are starting to use our tool and that means it's production ready!"

Me: "If and when this breaks are they going to call you to fix it?"

Asshats: "Well it's really just a proof of concept."

They want the glory but not the work that goes with it. And they dont want anyone else to develop it. They have been a huge pain for me lately.

SQL Rule 1. Always assume there are external processes that might affect your data. (for instance, triggers).
SQL Rule 2. In Denormalised data, never execute logic on dependant table values, always copy from the parent.
SQL Rule 3. When Denormalised data schemas are created the DBA knows what they are doing.
SQL Rule 3.1. If DBA knows what they is doing then according to Rule 1 there is no problem with adding in some triggers to maintain data clones as they are created.
SQL Rule 4. If you don't like or agree with triggers, deal with it. They are a first class tool in a first class RDBMS. In a multi-app or service environment there may be many other external processes massaging your data
SQL Rule 5. If all previous rules are not broken and the system has been running efficiently for many years DO NOT complain that there are triggers in the database that are doing and have been doing the same process that you just butchered (by violating Rule 1 and 2) in your makeshift "hello world, look what I can do from my phone" angular BS when the rest of the users are still relying on the existing runtime app.
SQL Rule 6. If you turn my triggers off, you sure as hell better turn them back on!

Apply for a job, pass the application stage, pass the practical demonstration and get invited for interview.

2 other candidates dropped out before the interview. It was an internal position for me, the other two were externals.

I still got made to interview for the position even though I was the only suitable candidate and everybody in the organisation knew me from my current role.

Why HR? Why?

P.S. I got the job.

Why can't you use C? Asked by a client wanting a web app to automate office processes.

How comes companies don't give a shit abt onboarding?! The better your onboarding processes the faster the people you hired become productive?? Should never take me three weeks jus to get access...and when I do it's a problem ...should be seamless

At least that's what makes sense to me

Why does node-sass have such garbage documentation?!
I've now spent over an hour trying to get a clear and concise answer to how that shit works, and what do I get? This: (see picture)

I don't know what any of that means, nor do they care to tell me.
I don't want to render this shit at runtime, I want it to compile the sass code when I make changes to it so my app doesn't get boggled down by unnecessary background processes.
But nooo of course not.
To top it off, the "easy" electron-compile solution doesn't even fucking compile because all its dependencies are either outdated or 404 on me. 😡

It's shit like this that makes me hate web-style development. Lacking documentation and people who just assume everything is logical and clear from the start. It's fucking not.

New mobile challenge I created:

... treat this as production code and show us your best practises and thought processes ... please list and explain any third party libraries used.

First submission:

I've used library X, although it has a major UI defect when rotating the device, it should be good for a simple test.

... wrong

Ideas for a strong password:

- a regex matching my laptop's LAN IP address
- a sed command to enable X11 forwarding in sshd_config
- a shell oneliner extracting all the IP addresses from ifconfig / ip a sh
- an awk command to print processes in D state
-

Chip in!

Have you noticed that many core Linux C programs use "die" as the error-and-exit method name?

Just shows how much these devs think of Linux processes as living people.

Now one of us just has to create a Skynet without the die() function.

Asshole-Driven development (ADD) – Any team where the biggest jerk makes all the big decisions is asshole driven development. All wisdom, logic or process goes out the window when Mr. Asshole is in the room, doing whatever idiotic, selfish thing he thinks is best. There may rules and processes, but Mr. A breaks them and people follow anyway.

Passionate programmer attends one of the toughest interviews ever and solves lot of algorithmic problems coding in different programming languages. Impresses the interview panel providing solutions with as much as efficiency as possible. Gets selected, completes induction and gets a nice Dev machine allocated.

Manager walks in and says we got to work with the production support team on fixing a UI bug.

Just finished recruiting processes with 3 companies and I’m afraid that in 2 more years, you will need a masters and to have worked on the Mars rover in order to get a jr position.

Roommate's laptop.
Only 1 chrome tab open, why so many processes in Task Manager. Should I tell him to format it?

Another shithole agency reached out to me out of the blue 4 weeks after my application.

The senior bro sends me an assignment with 30 requirements to build an app with multiple screens. Ofcourse no design provided and no API provided. Timeline 2 weeks.

Tried ask to expedite the process and reason with him because now Im in other processes where Im expecting an offer next week so I can send him a link to a very similar project I did, he can review and if he wants to I can jump on a technical call and I can answer all questions. Guy ignored the proposal entirely and wants to stick with his stupid timelines and stupid requirements which he wrote probably down while taking a shit with zero research.

Best part is there was no introduction, no discussions about hourly rate or expectations, nothing.

Disorganized shithole. Told them to get their shit together and withdrew my application.

!rage

*PM 6 months earlier: "Do whatever u want with this lib, your softw. will use it."
*PM today: renames main public function names in my lib - used by about 10 processes of mine.

*Me: (╯°□°)╯︵┻━┻

Seems like everything on android is a "hack" or temporary solution, thanks to google .

Now how the fuck should i create a custom SMS inbox when:
1) i can't run the SMS broadcast reciever in a background service(because background services are deprecated )
2)message SMS reciever in a foreground service ,because this service is not fucking foreground! when the app is cleared from the recents , it shows the service as running, but on recieving the next message , the service dies??wtf?? i think its something related to processes

the app needs to detect a message instantly because some messages are needed to be sent to server the moment they are recieved :/

god, I fucking hate Users. especially the ones who think that I am confused by *their* terminology for system processes, and feel the need to correct and clarify for me on email chains that needlessly cc 20 other people.

I designed the system you use every day before you were even hired; I assure you, I am not confused, and I know exactly what I'm talking about. stupid twats.

So recently I have this course called Operating Systems and we used putty to connect to a linux server. An assignment was given to fork a child and pass the message through all the children and all that good stuff. The assignment wasn't the hard part, its to deal with the fact that some people just orphan their children. The server is on the verge of death at this point. So.many.tasks.running. Can I wall and tell them to kill their processes ~_~

Joined a new team at work 6 months ago. Immediately set upon by a useless PO who was somehow set in her ways while still being around 30 years old. Absolutely refused to change the broken team dynamic or processes in any way whatsoever. Made terrible tickets, never did refinement on tickets so they were always missing stuff and constantly blocked. Generally unlikeable and difficult to work with, incompetent at her job and resolutely refused to change literally anything to make the team function better.

She finally leaves after 6 months and the team dynamic changes immediately. Suddenly we are improving our processes, getting stakeholder input, refining tickets, taking reasonable amounts of work in a sprint. We have discussions without her butting in and getting frustrated when you bring up legitimate concerns. No longer do you have to tiptoe around and appease her ego if you want to point out the obvious flaws in the work she drew up or even just examine it from a technical perspective.

It's insane how much things can improve once you shed the dead weight of people that are just determined to be difficult and won't budge an inch to change their ways. Good riddance.

Absolutely hate it when HR says: "You'll be told about the outcome of this interview in the next two weeks".

What about putting in place a more stringent timeline for recruitment processes at your company?

What the fuck am I supposed to do for two bloody weeks?

so after several hours of irritated detective work, I've finally found out what is the thing that periodically, every about 10-15 seconds, starts two PowerShell processes which run for about a second or two and during that time take about 20% of my CPU capacity...

They're being launched from a commandline, to do GetPackages with name of OmenLightStudio, and the result is then piped into find.exe to find InstallLocation part.

...for whatever reason.
and this is done every 10 seconds by... *drumroll*
HP SYSTEM OPTIMIZER.

GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT. YOU. MORONS.

...now only to find how the fuck do I uninstall that, since it's some plugin-ish kind of stuff for Omen Studio, and I can't find uninstall for it anywhere in the system nor Omen Studio itself...

Ok seriously is Microsoft mining Bitcoin on my computer? If I leave it idle for >5 minutes it starts using intense amounts of CPU and I have no clue why (doesn't show up in task manager, all the processes added up in taskmgr are like 15% max). It's super annoying since I have a razer and high cpu turns on BOTH VERY LOUD FANS.

I checked for malware and stopped any update or useless background tasks (cortana, indexing, etc) and it has not helped one bit. If I click the screen or move the mouse it subsides immediately.

(No, I won't get a mac--I have two and they lacks compatibility with the software I need as well as the specs for what I usually work with)

!rant
So I was experimenting with distributing load on separate processes in node.js. I wrote the simplest isPrime function for performance testing, and I calculated a lot of primes. To be able to see the result, I generated a 1920x1080 image where each white pixel represents a prime.
New wallpaper?

"The tool to push new releases to the data centre blocked us last night. Saying all the nodes are 'unhealthy', resolve the issue(s) first. But then the remote team said 'we have a way around that' so we managed to get it deployed in time. We need to document the process as there were many ... 'shady' processes and steps involved lol"

- Manager explaining how the first production release on our new team went last night

... he called it a success

!dev

i am so lucky to have a good memory. i am not the best problem solver, but i remember lots of previous solution. being a dev has really help my thought processes though.

tldr; i told my gf i'd get an ass tattoo of her choice if i got a 1500+ on the sat and now i'm nervous because after looking online i can't find a single math question i got wrong.

So there's that project with my coworker. We splitt up the classes, 10 to be implemented by him, 10 by me.

Fast Forward to 4 weeks before deploy.
Coworker: Your stuff logs a lot of stuff. It's not very clear and a liiittle to verbouse. 5 entries per second? Too much!
Me: Okay, you're right. Let me fix that.

2 Days later I look at his logs at runtime. He logs EVRY SQL statement and their results! In a batch that processes a 10'000 of customers!
He points out: That's useful stuff and it's not that much. It's needed for debuging.

My face: 😦

A big project in my company. Had some annoying race condition that caused data to get deleted when two processes finished in the wrong order they hit the dB and override each other’s work.

Long story short. Fixed the bug and in the process the codebase shrunk by 60%. I didn’t have to delete the rest of the code, but the bug was due to a function in the legacy section of the code, and found out that it was the only function used in that section.

So I deleted it. Rewrote the function so it upserts. And bam. Smaller, cleaner code :)

How to make 'Loading' processes run faster..

Programmers are the digital equivalent to Wizards.

Funny thought:
Just like a wizard manipulates the physical world, creating spells that obey his intentions, a programmer manipulates the digital world, creating processes and methods that obey his will.

There are quite interesting similarities.... Now where's my digital wizard cape!?

I'm stuck in road traffic and it's giving me headache, i wish every driver knows at least FIFO rule, if it's on a computer the CPU will quit his job because of all those stupid processes :/

FUCK YOU VISUAL STUDIO! Fucking IIS site already running when restarting, reinstalling, checking port is open, checking past processes on that port, STILL NOTHING MOTHERFUCKER. Fuck I hate IIS.

Docker has taken out 2 of our (6) on prem servers.

It's forked 65k processes to run a health check on 4 stacks...

How's your day going?

What is fucking wrong with Windows? When shit doesn't respond it's impossible to kill it and it freezes other processes. NEVER happens in Linux, all I do is kill the PID. When you can't open task manager or "end the process" you are shit out of luck. You'd think they'd fix this in the decades they've had to built a computing platform. I'd use linux exclusively but some work and tools at my company necessitates windows.

Just learnt perfectly what the below joke means:

'I wanted to improve the world, but they wouldn't give me the source code'

I really don't understand why the world is full of obsolete processes that people fight against daily when changing things ever so slightly could take the weight of the world off their shoulders. The same thing goes for my work, I work in finance, and we use a remote app built in Windows forms (not xaml or wpf, the original forms) and it's insecure, slow, buggy, and crashes whenever you press ESC (yes, really). Even worse, I've offered to rewrite their whole network for nothing, just the improvement to people's lives. And they say no! WELL FUCK YOU FOR BEING A PLAGUE ON THE FUCKING WORLD! Why do people insist on staying behind the times when the world could be such a beautiful place?!?

How I feel when I open the Windows Task Manager and kill all the frozen processes.

Literally removing the sleep(10);

Nah jokes aside, reworking my entire code from scratch based on what I drew up on a board.

Sometimes visualisation of processes and control flow can really help you write better code.

Things that I will do during the next few weeks at work because I am an asshole:

Write an entire CLI utility in Rust for internal processes, no one on my city understands or even knows that Rust exists.

Write a small desktop app as proof of concept for another department that had made the idea some time ago in either: GnuSTEP Obj-C or Lazarus Pascal for the same reason as the Rust application.

Job security people. And I have a tendency to write things in stuff that no one else uses.

zps: A small utility for listing and reaping zombie processes on GNU/Linux.

Wondering what the hell is Windows doing when there is no processes yet still lags on keyboard input.

When my senior told me his program is kill because not enough processing unit in our 1080Ti.

Man, your Linux runs way more than 8 processes, and you only have two processes that runs with CUDA...

Most useless feature?

Any this business seems to think is the next great way to make their lives easier - by adding 500 more steps into an already complex series of cowboy processes.

I love and hate my job some days 🤦‍♂️

Hey boss. I’m not a mind reader. If you need me to change what I’m doing or how I’m doing it, you have to tell me. You changed my job three times since I was hired and our processes twice. Now would be a good time to pick a play and stick with it.

Created a simple bot for an online game using puppeteer.

After an evening (and night) of dev and debugging (quite some rejected promise errors), it worked fine and was ready for a 10-minutely cron job.

Fixed a couple bugs in the first three hours. Then started playing minecraft, which lagged like hell.

Opened task manager and saw a list of about 25 headless chrome processes. They had not been closed because of unhandled errors before the close method call 😵

Now added some basic error handling ☺

I am preparing for my exam in a software engineering course, where we discuss best practices for programming, testing methodologies and project management.
One of the topics is CMMI, and basically it states that organizations with mature development processes can produce exceptional software even if the teams involved are average.
Do you really think an efficient process can make up for lack of brilliance/ingenuity among the devs?

Hello devs, I need help from database devs.

The company where I'm interning is a non IT company, so they planned to migrate to a SQL Database from their older MS Access Database.

Since I'm the only IT intern, I'm up against the major devs and hot shots from where my company outsources IT solutions.
They suggested SQL Express.

I have a meeting tomorrow with them, please help me so that I can get better results for my company.
Basically I have to question them about how their decision works better for our firm and why didn't we go for MySQL Enterprise Edition or anything which is much better and cheaper and such critical questions.
Please help me.

The Database would be used to store information about the products manufactured and their parts' history so that in future if there's a problem with the product, it can be looked up in the database so that there can be further replacement or repair processes.

I got notified that tomorrow I'm gonna start a porting project from a FileNet ecosystem.

Well, I don't know what is FileNet, but at least I've enough time to study its architecture. Let's start from the official IBM page:

The FileNet® P8 platform offers enterprise-level scalability and flexibility to handle the most demanding content challenges, the most complex business processes, and integration to all your existing systems. FileNet P8 is a reliable, scalable, and highly available enterprise platform that enables you to capture, store, manage, secure, and process information to increase operational efficiency and lower total cost of ownership.

Thank you IBM, now I surely know how to use FileNet. Well, I hope that wikipedia explains me what it is:

FileNet is a company acquired by IBM, developed software to help enterprises manage their content and business processes.

Oh my god. I tried searching half an hour so far and everything I found was just advertisements and not a clue about what it is.

Then they wonder why I hate IBM so much

Have you become a replacement tool doing manual and menial IT work to bridge the lack of a proper IT process and streamlining?

I've worked for such companies and it's super annoying.. companies that zip projects to Google Drive instead of using a VCS.. not even having a drawing board or proper office chairs.. not even a cafeteria.. companies using Subversion instead of Git, no project management systems nor software, no JIRA, shit written down on printed paper,.. the list goes on.

A nightmare, really. Like developing in the 90's..

A coworker created several WinForms-Tools because it was "more comfy" than learning XAML which we usually use for all our sw clients.

Now that these tools are relevant for our infrastructure and some even for the product itself they have to be maintained by others as well.
Note: he tried to use OOP but the result is more like a complete new style of programing . Processes, objects and external scripts in the mix.

Mainreason why noone could know about it: the product manager used him as kind of private dev for some hours a week. No reviews, barely documentation... Now we decided that developing the tools from the scratch is more time and cost efficient.
What a mess...

Over a year ago I posted a screenshot of chrome vs edge, and chrome had 92 processes consuming 2.1GB RAM vs edges 19 processes consuming 3.2GB RAM

Just seen this... WTF google, how can you need soooo much ram, I thought you had fixed your high memory issues!!!

Just another day, building some hearty data structures in C.
I need to make a program that can multiplex user IO to different child processes from the command line.

Shouldn't be there a position called "Document Developer"! who's job is writing documents throughout the whole sdlc processes? Also expanding comments written by the coders. The only skill needed is English MVC framework!

Oh gosh, if you like building stuff, how do you find a job that is actually building stuff instead of dealing with software complexity bs, bureaucracy, red tape, processes to justify other people’s jobs… 🤦‍♂️

Why the fuck do i need to propose try-catch to an contractor, so he can fix his application, because its crashing if the input is non-conform to the specs?
Oh and before you ask. The application is a application that processes and sanitizes invoices.

It's always so funny when a person starts using multiprocessing in Python, because if there's "multi", obviously THIS is the thing that should free the person from a headache of having GUI frozen. You know, because it does "multiple" ehm... stuff..... at once....... yeah. And it's popular, it must work for me too! Oh how often I see this. :D

Stupidly enough that's not entirely a user's fault, but Python's as naming things with "multi" doesn't end up well basically with anything. I bet if there was such thing as multipointer in C half of the beginners would be totally fucked and the other one would just break their machines beyond repair with a joy.

Yet... reading the damn documentation should be a requirement before using threading or multiprocessing to prevent the confusion, because there's this funny difference between multiple threads and multiple processes which will haunt you unless you see what's what and use it correctly.

So what's up with bosses and employees that sporadically ask you to respond fast (like in the hour) to any request even though it is not an emergency? I feel like 50% of the people I work with are constantly in fireman mode, but never stop to think why they work like this.

When it comes to implementing helpful processes or improving shitty processes, I always get the "we don't have time, we are overbooked for this quarter." We never have time to improve and it fucking sucks.

Also, stop bothering me at 9-10 PM or during the weekends you bunch of no-lives. Maybe work smarter and less often?

It honestly makes me less motivated to work and depresses me a bit. I'm starting to hate my job.

Got transferred on to a new team. The team I was on previously was successful, had great processes, and very smart people. New team was floundering, very late, no processes, and crotchety. Did my best with the (lack of) expectations and information given to me. No one gave me any feedback. Get called into a meeting to discuss my lack of performance and failure to meet goals. If I hadn't needed the money I would have walked out. Transferred teams a month later.

An annoying type of colleague: the kind that refuses to cooperate and insists on doing shit their own way because they have done it that way for years and they become little crybabies whenever someone new tries to work with them.

Somehow managers accept their baby-like behavior because they've been producing output. However, like my Business Processes professor said: "Don't focus on output".

It's just annoying trying to work with these guys.

I begin with the optimism and the joy that I am creating something new that will improve people's lives.

I listen to the user and analyze the current process in depth.

I try to suggest additional value to the system for the users consideration. Sometimes they do not realize we can improve 10x rather than 2x.

I learn what the users goals are and what they want out of the system. We think about reports and downstream value. Sort of working from the end to the beginning (data ingests and upstream processes that will feed the system).

After the user signs off on the requirements and deliverables and I have a realistic project plan I begin to code.

It works and has worked for me every time for a long long time.

If you have no defined business processes whatsoever nor code quality practices, why bother putting on the job offer "software engineer" or "full stack web developer"?

WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS A FUCKING PHP HACKER

Hello,
I just quit my job at a big market research company. It was disturbing how much processes there depended on excel and obscure visual basic scripts.

They load data from a database, do typical database tasks with excel and upload it back into the database.

PhDs run complex statical computations through an excel interface that passes the request to R.

Instead of an hour Python they execute stupid tasks with excel by hand. Day after day, month after month.

WHY? My colleagues were not dumb but instead of learning SQL and some python they build insane excel tables.

Maybe it's time pressure. But this excel insanity costs much more time in the end.

Looks fairly good now we only need to mirror it vertically..

"Our supplier asks that you double the number of php child processes for this fpm pool"

"Are you aware, that that would lead to about 100% of memory overcommit, taken the current limit of 128MB/child, and that if a lot of them started at once, the system would probably go for OOM-Kill, which would most probably kill your database, that still runs on 100% MyISAM tables that do not support transactions, and you'd have to kiss your data integrity goodbye, right?"

"Uh... Nevermind then"

I get that some people are not IT-versed, but really... Hire someone who knows what they are doing and doesn't live 20 years in the past, god damn it!

I wrote a Rust script in 10 minutes or so that processes several GiB's big ISO files and it calculates its values so fast, that most time is spent waiting for the HDD! Look at the CPU usage and the disk read/write stats :D

(No, the picture is not fake, it's a real screenshot from my desktop edited with Gimp)

Email from a department mgr regarding a sharepoint site we inherited (lots of custom javascript, XLS, etc, stuff we didn't write)

Dan: "The department filter isn't showing up when I select the 'Logistics and Support' department. Was this caused by the changes you guys made? Its causing a major disruption in our processes and need it fixed ASAP."
Me: "Those changes went out almost two months ago and all the filters were working fine, at least that is what you told me when you tested it."
Dan: "I thought so, but its not working. It has probably been broken ever since you made those changes so I filed a corrective action ticket against your department for not following the documented deployment and testing processes"
Me: "Really? We've been over this. Its your department that is responsible for that sharepoint site. Previous developers hacked javacript together to make it all work, but I'm sure its something simple."
Dan: "Great. I'll start putting together a root-cause analysis to determine which of your processes we need to address."

Start looking at the javascript and found the issue..

if (dept === "Logistics & Support") {
$('deptFilter').show();
}
else {
$('deptFilter').hide();
}

Me: 'Found the issue. Did you rename the logistics department?'
Dan: 'No'
Me: 'To show or hide the filter, the code was looking for "Logistics & Support", someone changed the title to "Logistics and Support"'
Dan: "Well...I guess I did that yesterday...but I didn't change the name, just that stupid character. That shouldn't make any difference."
Me: "I can fix that right now. Are you going to need more information for your root cause analysis?"
Dan: "No, I think we're good. Thanks."

I don't understand some developer's thought processes when they fix a bug/issue.

Let's say the error is -> "Cannot read property id of undefined".

My first thought is to add a check for undefined and null and figure out if further code should be executed if a null or undefined is encountered, depending on what the code is supposed to do.

But some devs are like, "Yesterday the sunrise was at 5:30 AM, Earth's rotational axis is titled at 15 degrees to the left, My aunt asked me about how I am doing today, so therefore the bug fix is required at line 65,456 of this particular kernel file".

And they implement it, and it WORKS.

Weird.

Crawling out of my shell and taking control of my own work. Colleagues were surprised because I'm a very quiet person.

Sales can promise all they want, I decide when we're done. Taking the time to train my peers and learning from them. Communicating with everyone in a way to get things done. Get involved with other departments to see if processes can be optimized. Manage the customer's expectations (under-promise, over-deliver) Taking over this damn company to be more efficient!

I didn't know this but every single chrome extension spawns off its own chrome.exe process. I had 11 chrome exe processes running and I didn't even have the browser open cause I use Firefox exclusively now. My laptop was crawling and I was wondering why cause I have 8 gigs of ram. After removing all the extensions my laptop became a speed demon again!

Agile my ass.
What has become of: "Individuals and interactions over processes and tools"?
A fuckton of rules and processes to do it the 'right' way: tickets, estimations, hours of sprint planning. Yeah, we're so professional we no longer have time to write code.

Note: manifest was mainly full of fluffy business buzzword bullshit (effective sustainable excellence), but one thing resonated:
>Simplicity--the art of maximizing the amount of work not done--is essential.

(I cherish every line of code deleted or unwritten, so it needn't be maintained)

Fuck off apache and ur fckinn 10 thousand different goddamn ports in use i can not start my python server bcz hhhhh too many processes use the main port and i need the main port to run the website

Tired of ur shit apache2

man I wish people would stop trying to fix people problems with stupid processes and even dumber software.

I might be able to release my first application tomorrow. At least the first version.

Nothing special, be amazed if it gets much attention.

In short;

You specify any running processes you wish to forcefully close, in my case, games.

So any time these games start running, it's force closed.

The app also monitors the active window, of it's and IDE, like Visual Studio, it will add credit towards allowing those blocked processes to run.

Currently you get 1 credit for every minute you code.

I plan to refine it some more. And yes I know there's ways around it but, it was fun to make

My dick is like a diamond: Disappointing and too small without expensive processes to make anyone happy.

˙ǝןqɐʇɹoɟɯoɔun s,ʇı puɐ ʇɟos "ᔭ ǝʞıן ʇı ǝʞɐɯ spǝɯ dǝǝןs ʎɯ ʇnq pɹɐɥ "ϛ˙ᄅ ǝʞıן s,ʇı

So I tried to use Opera a few times at a time with different IP addresses(Opera has a VPN but normally only one connection) ...
I decided to copy the portable version
Via CMD to create a few Profiles(6 GB) and create a launch.bat
Now I have Opera running about 50 times and now my Computer starts making noise because I have a total of over 400 Processes running
CPU & RAM love it

I discovered a commit message from one of my (senior) colleagues today. It made me shudder. It read, 'Just adding some changes made outside of source control and deployed (over last 12 months)'.

I genuinely think he can't follow any processes he didn't design. He controls the servers too, so it's not like any pipeline would prevent him from just doing what he wants. It's a bit scary to be honest, he thinks MD5 is a secure password hash!

Ugh, I hate having to port data from windows to Mac. I myself use Linux and windows. My mom got her first Mac for her birthday, but she needed her 200gb of pictures on I cloud. So I thought it would be like Dropbox, put them in a folder or start an upload and then it processes and is on the cloud. NO. It’s a hellscape as Apples windows programs are awful and I’m ashamed they exist. There is no indication of when they have successfully uploaded, you just have to figure it out. It also doesn’t help when macOS Is oversimplified. Ugh. I ended up taking my terabyte external and having to wait 3 hours for files to transfer and put those on the MacBook. I hate I cloud more than comic sans. I know Dropbox isn’t great or even good for security reasons, but it’s a hell of a lot better than I cloud BULLSHIT.

App idea: Program that processes funny dog/cat videos and removes the annoying ass thought bubble text they put in them. Like "I is hungreh" or "you is doin me a concern" or whatever. That shit. I hate it.

Fucking hell it pisses me off when you go to so much trouble to streamline processes, set up systems that improve workflow and solve issues, find better solutions and show how they make life easier... and people are like "yeah nah let's just do things the same old shitty way we've always done things".

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

On the days when I just want to sob and put my head through the monitor....

I get out a piece of paper and draw my processes (whether that be code or mapping etc). Each step of each process, helps to represent the input and output of each method.

This makes it easier to find which step isn't giving the desired output....

Either this or the rubber duck method. :)

Htop says that the first three processes together take up more than 200 CPU%

I need to estimate how much ram and CPUs my team will need next year for our apps... That have yet to be built.

We load a lot of data feeds with batch processes running on a few large machines, some can use like 30 GB RAM at times...) which should be a lot less if we get the data real time I hope...

But wondering how to estimate well... I sorta did a worse case analysis where I just multiply and sum # CPUs/memory* nodes*approx apps...

Comes out to be like 600 CPUs and 800 RAM... So wondering if that's ok...

RAM is ok but # of CPUs is way higher bc now all the apps basically run on their own machines...

I'm in this university software engineering course, where the professor decides he need to teach us the entire history of software engineering.

Dude, we were taught how to use SVN in addition to Git. Huh? And for software development processes, we were taught a total of 7 of them. There're: code and fix, waterfall, prototyping, spiral, phased, agile and lean. And the tests are like "list 5 advantages and disadvantages for X, and compare them to the advantages and disadvantages of Y". Wtf dude. I don't mind memorizing things, but the things I learn aren't even relevant (except agile and lean). Nobody would be impressed if I say I know SVN in an interview. What am I doing with my life. Ok, back to cramming this shit cuz i need my GPA. Bye.

Let's see what's on the menu today:

* Web Application Catastrophe Special *

Includes, but not limited to:
- Orphaned server processes in the configuration management cluster
- Microservice back-end architecture with no API documentation
- Poorly implemented cache microservice with no documentation
- Stale data causing everything to be shown as down in production, despite everything running fine

Cost: 1 developer's sanity

I feel a whole lot better. The project that I was so incredibly stressed out over has finally been invoiced for, albeit two months late, and my client has been understanding throughout the process. I now realise that although pressure is great for working to a deadline, too much pressure is heavily impacting on my thought processes and extends my deadlines more than I can manage at the moment.

The words of encouragement in the comments on my last "rant" really spurred me on, and the criticism made me reflect very much on how little squeeze time I'd given myself. I'm very grateful to this community for those inciteful fragments, and I promise to do my bet to take all of them on board.

Thank you devrant community, for giving me a leg up when I needed it.

I love devrant so much for how I feel it's the one social network in which I feel part of the community, and I hate it for letting me realize how alive all of the stereotypical behaviours the IT crowd is usually shunned for are amongst us.

Users and managers aren't stupid, processes in a company are usually there for a reason, and if your boss is really that much of a dimwit, then why the hell are you even there?

This has to be one of the most recession proof professions out there. Change jobs. Stop blaming everybody else for your shortcomings, damn it.

But, yeah, much love to all of you making us look good and being humble about it.

How do you effectively kill all the cloned processes when you accidentally called fork() in an infinite loop before the computer starts to freeze?

!rant
When applying for a new job, how do you tell the difference between somewhere that is really old fashioned but wants someone come in and make improvements to processes and coding standards... And somewhere that pretends to want those things, but actually has no intention of letting anyone make those changes?

I often ask my colleagues about their mess ups on the job and that, to me, says a lot about them.

See, we devs have this unspoken rule between us (in my opinion) that we don't discuss our screw-ups whether it's the resume, the interview or at the job.

Are you really telling me that you've worked 5+ years in software industry and never messed up ONCE? Or were/are you in a position where you screwing up wouldn't create a dent for your team processes?

I can trust a dev more, who admits their screw ups because I know they have learned a valuable lesson and they are accountable for their actions.

Our client has put me and some others through at least 10 hours of passive lectures on non-development server management, nothing hands-on included. I realized today that I may be responsible for replicating some of the management processes (while supervised), and I think I start tomorrow. I didn't take notes on any of these meetings because the level of detail was overwhelming. I suck at communicating on time--can I still tell my PM I have about 5% memory retention on these lectures or did I royally screw up?

Worst: forced to work for 9 months on a shitty wp theme:
- colleague with no clue trying to make me do their work… check
- incompetent manager doing shit about it… check
- idiotic pipeline requiring to redeploy for every asset update… check
- micromanaging cto which for some fucking reason didn’t want to allow access to the writers, forcing the role of content editor on the devs… ducking check! Quack!!

Best: automated lots of processes in my free time, all stuff which I can reuse!

Good afternoon guys. Long time no hear from me and I'm sorry about that. Had a lot health problems to fight.

I'm currently trying to list all processes that are running on my pc with a C# program. VS is running with admin rights but I'm still getting an error: "System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception: Access denied Error"
I tried googling it but if found the answer I didn't understand it.
Please help me.

Posted previously about our codebase being a monolithic, poorly-written, pain-to-maintain gigantic cluster-fuck. And the efforts made to rewrite it.
Well, we made huge success the previous year in this regard. I rewrote the entire API while my other team mates worked on two different UI apps one of which is now in production and the other soon to be released in alpha.
Processes have being put in place for our team and are being improved.
We still have some technical debts though.
Dev goal for 2020,
- Pay most of the technical debt.
- Dive deeper into Flutter and finish the app I wanted.
- Play with ML, AI and Game dev.

I really miss having a team. Don't get me wrong, right now I do what I love and I got into a position where I can actually do Quality Assurance instead of just testing and I enjoy being able to actually change things instead of just repeating what problems there are and acting surprised when the same processes produce the same bugs over and over again but I really hope that we'll interview anything else than mouthbreathers soon.

I'm aware of the fact that QA isn't sexy and that few people who could become "Software ninja Rockstars" choose to go into it but can it be that hard to find at least two or three people who can write and read code at least on a junior level and understand how web protocols work? I get the feeling my entire branch is nothing but shit talkers clicking around blindly on pages.

I just want to exchange ideas again, come up with innovative tools, tweaking processes, learning from and teaching each other while we watch the entire operation get more and more efficient.

How is it that 4 years after the start of this project we still have to tell people that their dedicated cloud storage is for their projects and not their 8TB server backups or 600000+ vacation pictures…
We literally have processes sending you mails that keep telling you should sort your crap and you still manage not to listen. And then we get support tickets like “cloud storage abnormally slow” “bug in performances” etc… The last gem being a small company CEO that contacted our CEO about this “problem”, he had syncd his entire workstation and told his employees to do the same…

I’m not sure how to convey the stack of feelings I have regarding all of this. I want not to care but I can’t. I want to get angry but what’s the point.

I don't know about obnoxious processes, but I do know about one single event that happens WAY more than it should, and that might be people from customer relations coming with "new awesome features that MUST be implemented asap"

oh boy the times I've pictured me shoving a scrum guide down their throats....

It is now apparent to me that I need to work in an environment where managers empower their development team to choose the correct tools and processes for the job.

When the OS literature teaches you that processes aren't cows since cows needs two parents to spawn a child while a process only needs one.

Damn it, Visual Studio 2017! :( It crashed without reason and then upon restart ate up all my RAM. Killing all processes in Task Manager helped a little, but something was still using up a little too much of the CPU and RAM.

Linux.

Guys, I need some inspiration. How are you dealing with memory leaks, i. .e identifying which component of the system is leaking memory?

Regular method of dumping ps aux sorted by virtual memory usage is not working as all the processes are using the same amount of memory all the time. This is XEN dom0 memory leak, and I have no more ideas what to do.
Is it possible that guests could be eating the dom0 memory?

One of those days where you're sitting in a customer meeting and you hear them talk and:

"I know that was all in English but nothing you said makes any sense based on what I know about your software, business processes, time, space ... anything in this universe"

META-LUCK: A Pseudo-Ontology Of An Authentic Future

* * *

I think in the not-to-distant future we will abandon the idea of authenticity (messaging, corporate responsibility, ethos) in favor of other factors, such as cost. We won't abandon it and replace it with fakeness, so much as realize
that we don't, as a society favor it at all, not in the absolute sense, nor in the relative sense like in relation to things like cost.

We will either abandon authenticity entirely, or alternatively, transition to a world where authenticity is the highest valued quality, being adjacent to truth.

Heres why. Authenticity, like all social qualities, can be 1. mimicked, 2. simulated,
or 3. emulated.

In the first case, a corporation, product, leader, organization, or other, apes authenticity simply by its knowable, external features. It mimics the sounds, like a jungle bird copying a jack hammer to scare away predators or attract mates.
There is no understanding, let alone model, external or internal. The successful mimic
is little more than a lifeless, unthinking puppet.

In the second case, the attempted authentic simulates authenticity: That is, an external
model is formed, or pattern, that is predictable, and archetypal. It may have an internal
model even, a set of policies and processes for deciding the external-facing behavior.
But these policies and internal processes and models are all strictly outward facing. It is purely pathological in its goal, desiring only at minimum to achieve *externally attribute* authenticity (public opinion) rather than those internal changes that generate the true perception of the public--a perception not of surface behaviors and shrewd calculating policies and processes, but as a quality of authenticity for its own sake. This is in some sense the difference between the mundane and the atavistic, that the benefit, while not definable strictly, is assumed as a 'matter of course', culturally, within the organization or individual or company. It is to say, a *quality* of the thing, that *generates* outputs of a certain character and nature, rather than a *goal* that is attained 'after-the-fact' by behaviors generated for *other* than being authentic.

Here we reach the limitation of definitions.

Finally, we arrive at the case of number three, the emulation. We have in part already described it, but lets try and summarize a bit.

The Authentic is an *originator* of behavior and outward appearances, being an internal quality of a person or organization. It originates behavior, rather than being the goal of behavior and outward appearances.

Its benefit is assumed, though not always nameable or definable, even though this sounds naive, superseding other factors like cost and profit. As such the authentic does not emerge in a cost-focused environment, not readily, not often, and not cheaply either.

It is in some sense an experimental state of being, of goal-seeking only after-the-fact of "being true to ones origins" is established above and beyond those goals--setting and achieving only those goals which ultimately align with the origin and intent of the authentic.

Me after my Mac decided to run two unkillable mystery httpd processes on port 80 when I’m just trying to meet deadlines using MAMP for local dev but it no longer works.

1. Find a function: getDayDiff(d1, d2)
2. d1 and d2 are momentjs dates.
3. See that function performs complex ancient math rituals and then returns an integer
4. Try to rewrite function, return d2.diff(d1, 'days')
5. Should be OK right? Run tests
6. Whole module melts down. WTF?!

Turns out the math performed returned the difference + 1 because it included the current day which moment's diff() function does not (out of the box).

Processes that depended on this function then uses the result like this:

const diff = getDayDiff(d1, d2)
if (diff-1 == should_match) { /* more fun logic */ }

$ git checkout .
$ run-shutdown-script-because-fuck-you

Need to find the visual studio process to kill it because the app is frozen. Pen task manager > processes> sort by memory usage. right there at the top...always at the top...2gb+ usage.

Anyone else notice that there is a decent set of super dickbag senior devs that help nothing and use every meeting as a soapbox session? Dafuq? Why be so condescending and rude... For the purpose of feeling intelligent? Us lowly Dev I's don't have any say in the current processes. Fuck off douchewalls.

I feel a bit like shit.

I started a new job about 2 months ago. Company is great， culture is amazing，project is interesting， processes are what i always dreamed.

This is after having learned the job from scratch at a startup that was all you can imagine. Tedious，hoping to be something that was not yet and so on....

So we are coming at the last week of a sprint. Its Tuesday and most stories are competed. We dont have a culture of jumping on others PR， its kind of like this is my PR kind of mentality. This is not established its more like an untold rule. But coming to the end i figured， especially if i knew exactly how to fix the PR that o should jump in a make it happen.

Person who owns those prs unassigned themselves from those and added me instead kind of like: “well take it if you want it....”

What are your rules regarding others prs and sprints?

> Blue Prism just stopped working

And that's how 12 time-critical processes in production just went out of the window for no fucking reason other than the sheer malice of those beasts of burden who designed BP in the first place :)

0 days since last catastrophic blue prism crash

Is it sane or practical to write C programs on PAPER dealing with processes and child processes that handle files and other processes and sh*t?

I don't know 😐

Starting my work day:

* fire up the build script wrapper script wrapping the Docker compose scripts, which starts I dunno 20 different microservices, frontend build processes, watchers, blah, blah, blah, chews my laptop's battery like a muthafukka, wait for 15 minutes, for maybe a 40% chance that maybe it'll work, or maybe I'll have to fix some random thing that's wrong out of the 20 million things that could possibly go wrong and then restart... and if I'm lucky at the end of all this, I get to work on, I dunno, adding some field to a modal?

Firing up my weekend side project:

* php -S and immediately start working productively every time

Fuck the "modern web"

I was hired 2 years ago to replace someone who was retiring after 10+ years with the company. I was up to speed quickly and have improved my processes and product in ways appreciated by many others, but mine is a position everyone is glad to have and glad they aren't doing it! I feel rather inconsequential, especially since being neglected by management has become a comfort in that I've already turned my attention to opportunities outside the company and look forward to "putting in my time" without taking on new responsibilities until I can score a job in programming/development/product management.

They say “think outside the box”. When you're depressed, the box is made of concrete. The more depressed you are, the smaller the box.

Our brain is wired to cut off thought processes that take too much energy. In depression, this mechanism works against you, cutting off everything but laying down. To me, get up in the morning and go brush my teeth is too outside the box. Thinking about it is like touching a boiling kettle. Painful, ouch-y, and my brain doesn't even want me to think about doing it.

I'm working and living in my bed. I don't really get up. Should I even say about things like going out or cooking?

If I said I'd be available 3 specific days per week in a specific interval of time, don't flood my phone with messages in the other 4 days.

I don't care how messy and unorganized your processes are. You're paying a pittance so you're only getting 3 days per week support.

Pre 2k i startet making levels in UnrealEd, which changed the way i saw the world. Suddenly i could look at things, buildings, architecture for long times, just thinking how i would build something like that from simple polygons.

As a coder i started to analyze the way processes are controlled in logic.
And now after some years in automation technology and image processing, other things come to my mind like "give me 50k€ in hardware and some weeks and i could replace that persons job with a system".

Having no way to clear application data from an ios app means that I either have to uninstall and reinstall it EVERY TIME I make changes to stored data processes, or I have to build in a whole separate feature to handle clearing the data.

In Android, it's part of the OS.

Why again is ios considered so great?

I have so many things I could be doing, either fun or not fun, I wish I could spawn children (processes) to do them all and just return the memorable moments and results to my brain...

So simple but so hard.
Having a bad cold I'v been home for a few days. Finally I could bend down without my head exploding so I could replace a harddrive in my ceph system.
I took everything off line, installed the new drive and did all the right things,
but afterwards it didnt come up.
It didn't make sense so I googled for hours while my fever were getting stronger without finding the answer.
So I gave up and reverted my changes and plugged in the old harddrive...
It still didn't work... a bit of panic. I mean... its all my files!
After a lot of sweating (no caused by fever) I realised I moved two ceph-mon processes a few weeks ago but I never rebooted the system afterwards, to fix it all I had to do:
systemctl enable ceph-mon
on two machines.

Summary: make sure things work after reboot and don't do challaging stuff while your brain is all scrambled.

Microservices in real life:
You have 4 different project opened in IDE simultaneously editing all of them to make something to work.
All projects share same db.
Basically this is monolith but splitter to different git repos.
Communicating one another via http calls or directly altering shared db tables.
Everyone is happy until solution goes to production then :
Solution doesn't scale because db is a bottleneck.
Services can be unavailable for 1-2s so some processes are left in unfinished state forever, because everyone assume 99,9% SLA means it always available and http calls will never fail.
Http calls take time.

Received my first recruitment message on LinkedIn today. Generic as fuck "hey your profile looks nice, we have dis thing for you, come take a looksie".

Went ahead and read the whole thing, started laughing while reading requirements:
- own a degree in CS or related field: re-starting college next week
- extensive experience with automation processes: uuuh... I can write bash scripts and gulp tasks, how's that?
- extensive experience with Java, Angular, Selenium and Protractor: sure. Spent two weeks tinkering with those tools. Pretty much an expert already
- two years of experience: not even 6 months into my first job
And some other nonsense

Job would be in a very nice city, extended family lives nearby, actually a nice position. Too bad I am not looking for a job and my classes start on Monday 😂
But hey, at least people are looking at my profile! Yay!

So, I recently started a new job as a "general" IT tech for someone my dad knows. He does insurance billing and everything is done manually (manually copying from pdfs to excel sheets, etc). A couple of weeks ago, I started developing a custom suite of software for automation of some parts of the processes + integration with the task management software we use. At this point, I feel like my boss is turning into a client. Is this a common occurrence? BTW, it's a small company (5 employees including him) and I'm the only person who does tech around here.

Long post, TLDR: Given a large team building large enterprise apps with many parts (mini-projects/processes), how do you reduce the bus-factor and the # of Brent's (Phoenix Project)?

# The detailed version #

We have a lot of people making changes, building in new processes to support new flows or changes in the requirements and data.

But we also have to support these except when it gets into Production there is little information to quickly understand:
- how it works
- what it does/supposed to do
- what the inputs and dependencies are

So often times, if there's an issue, I have to reverse engineer whatever logic I can find out of a huge mess.

I guess the saying goes: the only people that know how it works is whoever wrote it and God.

I'm a senior dev but i spend a lot of time digging thru source code and PROD issues to figure out why ... is broken and how to maybe fix it.

I think in Agile there's supposed to be artifacts during development but never seen em.

Personally whenever i work on a new project, I write down notes and create design diagrams so i can confirm things and have easy to use references while working.

I don't think anyone else does that. And afterwards, I don't have anywhere to put it/share it. There is no central repo for this stuff other than our Wiki but for the most part, is like a dumping ground. You have to dig for information and hoping there's something useful.

And when people leave, information is lost forever and well... we hire a lot of monkeys... so again I feel a lot of times i m trying to recover information from a corrupted hard drive...

The only way real information is transferred is thru word of mouth, special knowledge transfer sessions.

Ideally I would like anything that goes into PROD to have design docs as well as usage instructions in order for anyone to be able to quickly pick it up as needed but I'm not sure if that's realistic.

Even unit tests don't seem to help much as they just test specific functions but don't give much detail about how a whole process is supposed to work.

Not a rant but I love the fact we can say there is a run away unicorn in staff slack and no one is bats an eye or it looks like there is a lot of orphaned processes lets investigate and murder all the orphanes

"[Gen] WRONG PIPE, BUCKO!"
- One of my processes, from a program I have made, to tell myself I have made a mistake

What do people think of automated code generator frameworks such as Yeoman and Plop? Any experiences to share using those or similar frameworks?

I like the idea of automation, it means code will be consistent (especially across teams), and it means less boilerplate writing that potentially breaks thought processes.

But then does it just waste time? It's something extra to develop, test and debug. Further most of dev time is reading, thinking and modifying.

Okay so, I’ve recently started going through our products’ security postures and their teams’ related practices and processes. I knew things were in a bad state, but I have to admit I’m a bit anxious at how bad things are… and it’s not like nobody cared or anything, quite the opposite; the teams are quite motivated about cyber sec. It’s just that they don’t know what the fuck to do and where to start even if they did.

Okay, that’s my job to figure out the roadmap to improving their security posture and processes and help them implement it. If it wasn’t bad enough that there’s half a dozen products whose cyber sec roadmaps I need to prioritise and manage somehow, I heard this week that due to some organisational rearrangements, the number of products under my stern guidance will nigh on double at some point very soon…

I need a team. Give me a team.

I think professors should relate computational processes to mathematical ones more often. This helped me out at the beginning a lot when learning CS through the internet during high school.
I remember that a lot of the computational logic made sense to me because of math.

e.g. functions, comparators, variables, for, and, xor, sets, trees, sorting, searching etc.

A lot of these topics are hard to teach for beginning computer scientists. But I think if professors made the relationship with math from the beginning it would be easier for the students

I dont know if teachers already do this but the first time I had a professor relate math to code was while taking data structures in my second year of college