This is a place in switzerland... i felt the power...

Dumbest feature request was to hide log out button so that people do not leave the website 😂

Me being a good collegue teaching my friend basic C++ for upcoming exam and trying my best not tore my friend apart.

Crime scene: university's library, today, 1PM.

Me: Create a new class, just type 'class' and hit TAB
Him: I'm trying to but it pastes some code
Me: That's the point of hitting TAB.. now that we are finished, include it in your main file, the one with main entry point
Him: I have no such thing
Me: Look for main function
Him: There's none, what is it called?
Me: ...main
Him: Yeah, what is it called?
Me: ..main, the name is main
Him: I get it, but what is it called?
Me: 'MAIN' FOR GODS SAKE, THE NAME IS 'MAIN' *points towards my code*..
Him: Oh, okay, I get it now
Me: Ok, let's compile
*Error pops on his screen*
Him: You know what, I don't think you can really program.. *closes laptop and walks away*.

FML

SFW version of '50 Shades of Grey'

So our public transportation company started to sell tickets online with their brand new fancy​ system.

• You can buy tickets and passes for the price you want
• Passwords are in plaintext
• Communication is through HTTP
• Login state are checked before the password match so you can basically view who is online
• Email password reminders security code can be read from servers response

Oh and I almost forgot admin credentials are FUCKING admin/admin

Who in the fucking name of all gods can commit such idiocracy with a system that would be used by almost millions of people. I hope you will burn in programming hell. Or even worse...

I'm glad I'm having a car and don't have to use that security black hole.

Self hosted Gitlab server :-)

Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣

How do you fix a bug in a badly written code?
You don't. You re-write that shit!

FUCK YOU PHP!!!! FUCKING HELL JUST FUCK THE HELL OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
8 GOD FORSAKEN HOURS SPENT TRYING TO ZIP SOME SHITTY FUCKING FILES IN A FOLDER ON MY WEB SERVER TO HAVE THEM DOWNLOADED TO MY CLIENT COMPUTER.... 8 HOURS UNABLE TO OPEN THE DAMN FILE AND THE ISSUE WAS "echo" & "print_r()" STATEMENTS GETTING TRAPPED IN MY ZIPARCHIVE BUFFER MAKING THE ZIP FILE A GIANT PILE OF UNREADABLE SHIT.
HOW IN GODS NAME WERE THOSE FUCKERS EVEN BEING ADDED TO THE ZIP FILE.

Fucking hell. Time to sleep.

I spent about 5 hours today coding and I was totally in the zone. I'm talking things were working properly, tests were passing, bugs were being squashed all over the place. It was completely amazing, I felt like a god ruling over my code kingdom.

After about 5 straight hours I realized that I needed food so I got up, stretched my legs and had some dinner. Well I sat back down about an hour ago and I am SO far out of the zone. Everything is breaking, I can't focus and I have no idea why. My kingdom was overrun with a plague of bugs in just the short time I paused to eat.

Moral of the story: when you get in the zone don't stop for anything even if it seems like basic human necessity. After all we aren't human when we're in the zone, we are coding gods.

Technicians are always being treated like GODS...

Non exsistent, until someone needs something.

Risk free :-D

When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...

We are all Gods 😂

I feel that people are quick to blame PHP for a lot of things. But come on, you have to admit it has the most straightforward debugging workflow:

Take a ritual knife out of your desk drawer

Sacrifice some blood to the PHP gods

Clean the knife

Wish me luck, guys.

I'm launching Eclipse IDE while having a Chrome window open.

May the Gods of RAM be with me !

Being one of the top devs (and a good student admired by most lecturers) at college, my most humbling experience was when I joined my first job. I thought I knew SQL, I thought I knew C#. I realized in the first week, the thing I didn't know was "I don't know jack".
Thanks to a couple of great mentors (it took a few of them to bring me up to speed :P), I learned that the more I learn something, the more I will realize how much more there is to learn. I used tools to create storyboard animations in WPF, and my mentor would write it all in XAML! I'd write messy SQL and the other mentor just reduces it to a couple of elegant lines. They were like tech gods to my college self, all while being humble and friendly.
They also imbibed in me a sense of responsibility to carry on the culture of mentoring my juniors, which taught me much more than just the technical side of our profession.

Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...

Edited code directly in live. No peer review, no testing.

Coding gods, forgive me.

When you apply breakpoint to the 'if' statement but 'else' part gets executed...

There was a time when the programming gods starting creating IDEs for their languages. And all obeyed that whenever the dev presses enter on an intellisense menu , the grace of the programming gods would help the dev. But VB rebelled. It was too much for him to spoon feed the dev, so he said to himself "NO MORE SHALL THEY PRESS ENTER AND HAVE THE GODS MAKE MAGICAL TEXT APPEAR! NO NO, TAB IT WILL BE, AND I'LL WATCH THEM BURN WHENEVER THEY TRY TO USE INTELLISENSE ON ME". And since then, VB has seen frustrations of devs beyond count.

When server is fed up of serving captcha 😆

So before today, I'd never used GoDaddy before. Not even once. My supervisor walks in and happily informs me that I'm going to be adding photos to a website that she does editing for. Okay, fine, that's stupidly easy. What I did not realize, however, is that this entire website had been built using GoDaddy's site builder, and if you're not familiar with it, thank whatever gods you worship that you've dodged that bullet. I hardly want to go wandering around somebody else's web hosting, so I search about for a bit praying that there's SOME semblance of a normal text editor someplace, because text editors make me happy and all, and find very little on the regular site. Already not thrilled. So I figure, how bad is this site editor? Really, how bad can it possibly be?
Oh, you poor misguided son of a -
Anyway, I go in and look at the site. Slideshows everywhere, nothing is aligned correctly, it's a web designer's nightmare. Thankfully, I'm not a web designer, so I press on and reorganize a little bit. I try slapping a new slideshow on their, and discover that unlike the way it SHOULD work, elements do not move to allow for other elements, they just sit there and let you throw things on top of them. I stare at my neatly-stacked slideshows for a second in utter disbelief, knowing but not really accepting that I'm going to need to take every last one of those slideshow elements and slide those little so-and-so's down by hand. ....why? Who designed this? Who decided that was a good idea? I do some Googling to see if there's anything out there to make this less horrid, and lo and behold I find a GoDaddy page about their FTP file manager! It's under web/classic hosting, which apparently means it's deprecated because I spent the next ten minutes hunting around for the "web hosting" link those chicken-lickers were so proud of and it's nowhere to be found.
Alright, so they want to do this the hard way.
At this point I'm screaming internally and PRAYING that I'm just being stupid and not seeing anything to make it easi-
No, not even easier. Just less stupid. This website builder makes no sense. It's like hiring a contractor to build a bridge and handing him a box of Legos and a banana.
So I do more googling and find instructions on getting to the file manager. FINALLY. The first step is find "Hosting" under "My Products." I rush over to My Products joyfully, hoping I can get this stupid website up and running reasonably quickly, and...!
There's no hosting tab.
No button.
Not even a little hard-to-see link. At this point my brain is screaming. WHY would you give me a website builder but absolutely no way to actually write the website? Do people actually use this thing? I mean, I get it if they want to make it nice and accessible for people to make websites without overwhelming them with HTML but if they know how to edit the website and they don't want your help, why would you force me in to this? Why? Then it occurred to me that maybe the organization just hasn't ever had a web developer in it, ever, or at least not one who was willing to help out with the website, so they purposefully signed up for hosting that deprived them of any kind of HTML editor. Then on top of all of that, I noticed that on the home page, which had been edited by someone else long before I ever looked at it, ALSO had one of these stupid slideshows that I had to reorganize by hand, and some sad, angry little man had put in one of the photos sideways. It was SIDEWAYS. Just sitting there on its side, the photo's occupants staring at me with sad eyes begging me to turn them facing up again. I sat there and stared at a badly-designed website in a questionably-designed editor. And I wondered. I wondered who put this all together, and I wondered why *I* was the one doing it, when I work for a university and the website was for some beach homeowner's association. And I wondered if this job was a task that my supervisor had agreed to do and just passed off onto an office monkey. And I wept bitter tears at the realization that I am that office monkey.

Warning: contains swearwords!

Do you guy's also have coder-"friend" that:
- Always asks how to do things
- ask for code snippets
- steals your fucking code from Anydesk
- steals your passwords while testing
- steals your code from deobfuscated jar
- steals your jar and deobfuscate it
- steals your database to store stolen passphrases
- tries to convince you to build RATs for your users
- tries to convince you to build RATs for his users
- and so on...

??FOR FUCKING REAL THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME!

HE IS A FUCKING SUCKER CUNT! HE PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE DELETED MY PROJECTS AND TELLS ME HE IS STILL USING THEM TO RESEARCH MY CODE FOR HIS CODE!!!

HE FUCKING RECORDED ME WHILE CODING WITH AN API I AM NOT USED TO WHILE I ASK HIM FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE AND HE THEN SENDS IT TO HIS FRIENDS TO PISS ME OF AND LAUGH ABOUT ME!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHY THE FUCK ARE ASSHOLES LIKE HIM NOT IN FUCKING PSYCHIATRY!

AND I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING NICE!!

FOR GODS SAKE PLS LET A LIGHTNING STRIKE HIT HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE!

AT FUCKING LEAST I GOT SENT AN IMAGE OF HIS ADDRESS SO I WILL SHIT IN A FUCKING BOX AND SEND IT TO THAT CUNT!

Everybody boasting about lots of projects on github, and tons of stuff to show for.

Those that don't - are usually stressed that they don't have anything to show.

I work at a big-ish company, and we have tens of people in IT. Some of them are OK, others are gods.

Today I looked at their github profile. What do you think I saw?
Hello world applications?
Unfinished frameworks?
Forks with 1 line of change?

kind'a... That's for the people that have the richest profile. The rest - at most have a couple of projects with 2 files in them:
.gitignore (empty)
LICENSE (GPL)

So just chill. Do what you like, don't judge yourself too hard, and try to also make some money.
Less stress, be happy.

Well fuck me in the ass and call me Charlie.

I just had to bare witness to 2 years worth of files being deleted due to a minor.. well.. minor in the sense of not checking for an empty string, but massive fucking bug.

Thank all the gods of all the religions for backups!!

Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**

People should be careful when naming servers after Greek gods or planets.
Notifications like "URANUS will be offline this weekend" may occur.

I have found myself more confused than a chameleon in a bag of skittles because I can't figure out why my ajax(beginform()) won't fire off any of the JS functions I write.

Did my Googles and that didn't help. Verbally abused my monitor and rubber duck, didn't help. I've got a blood sacrifice to the Javascript gods scheduled for tomorrow. Maybe that'll work.

Long long ago there was a man who discovered if he scratched certain patterns onto a rock he could use them to remind him about things he would otherwise forgot.

Over time the scratching were refined and this great secret of eternal memory were taught to his children, and they taught it to their children.

Soon mankind had discovered a way to preserve through the ages his thoughts and memories and further discovered that if he wrote down these symbols he could transfer information over distances by simply recording these symbols in a portable medium.

Writing exploded it allowed a genius in one place to communicate the information he had recorded across time and space.

Thousands of years passed, writing continued to be refined and more and more vital. Eventually a humble man by the name of Johannes Gutenberg seeking to make the divine word of God accessible to the people created the printing press allowing the written word to be copied and circulated with great ease expanding vastly the works available to mankind and the number of people who could understand this arcane art of writing.

But mankind never satiated in his desire to know all there is to know demanded more information, demanded it faster, demanded it better. So the greatest minds of 200 years, Marconi, Maxwell, Bohr, Von Nueman, Turing and a host of others working with each other, standing on the shoulders of their brobdinangian predecessors, brought forth a way to send these signals, transfer this writing upon beams of light, by manipulating the very fabric of the cosmos, mankind had reach the ultimate limits of transmission of information. Man has conquered time, and space itself in preserving and transmitting information, we are as the gods!

My point is this, that your insistence upon having a meeting to ask a question, with 10 people that could've been answered with a 2 sentence email, is not only an affront to me for wasting my time, but also serves as an affront to the greatest minds of the 19th and 20th centuries, it is an insult to your ancestors who first sacrificed and labored to master the art of writing, it is in fact offensive to all of humanity up to this point.

In short by requiring a meeting to be held, not only are you ensuring the information is delayed because we all now need to find a time that all of us are available, not only are you now eliminating the ability to have a first hand permanent record of what need to be communicated, you are actively working against progress, you are dragging humanity collectively backwards. You join the esteemed ranks of organizations such as the oppressive Catholic church that sought to silence Galialio and Copernicus, you are among the august crowd that burned witches at Salem, the Soviet secret police that silenced "bourgeoisie" science, you join the side of thousands of years of daft ignorance.

If it were not for you people we would have flying cars, we would have nanobots capable of building things on a whim, we would all be programming in lisp. But because of you and people like you we are trapped in this world, where the greatest minds are trapped in meetings that never end, where mistruth and ignorance run rampant, a world where JavaScript is the de facto language of choice every where because it runs everywhere, and ruins everywhere.

So please remember, next time you want to have a meeting ask yourself first. "Could this be an email?" "Do I enjoy burning witches?" if you do this you might make the world a little bit of a less terrible place to be.

Whoever implemented the data import in Numbers on Mac needs to be lined up against a wall and shot with needles until they wish they were dead.

Why on all of gods unholy green and shitty earth would i want data i import (EVEN IN CSV FOR FUCK SAKE) to be delimited by an arbitrary text width? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

WHY WHY why would I EVER want to delimit my carefully structured data by fucking text width instead of new line or comma? AAAAARRRHHH

And what fucking big brain genius made this the DEFAULT SETTING for imported text AND CSV FILES. IT STANDS FOR COMMA SEPARATED FILE YOU FUCK BOI MAYBE JUST MAYBE I WANT IT SEPARATED BY FUCKING COMMMMMMMAAAAASSSSSS

When you have to do some live coding in front of highly technical people during a presentation, and the coding Gods decide to take away all your typing skills.

I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D

They look at us like we're gods.
While all we did was google the problem 👀

Typical Tuesday morning. Got word that a client was having trouble viewing a mp4 video, thats being used as a background element on their website, on their iphone.
No biggie, I think to myself.
An hour in Im praying to the safari Gods and cursing the existence of iOs (or however the hell you spell it).
While debugging I realise the browser gives up on downloading the video 2 seconds in, the same way I gave up watching that Netflix Neath note abomination, two seconds in.
So i quickly write up an ajax script forcing the browser to download the file before displaying it...F.I.G.J.A.M
But hold up 'webkitURL' is deprecated. Please use 'URL' instead ..dafuq ?
Okay okay I got this just use a work around for that ..aaand done.
Should be working right? Wrong (-_-)
Half an hour later searching stackoverflow like its the gospel and judgement is upon me and I found the solution..I found the solution, simple stupid solution that would make you wanna facepalm so hard that your great grandkids would have marks on their face.
Declare the MIME type in the bloody source tag in the html ... shoot me now

Today I was wandering through the code of the project I work on. The project is on JS, turns out someone named an object key `undefined`. They had the wonderful idea since they didn't want to pass a key through on the side where the info stored in the object is used(or at least that's what I assume).

Look at the image. (not the actual implementation but you get it and it actually works if you want to try it)

👏🏼 I don't know who did it and I rather not git blame it, but pray to the 7 gods you never do something like that again while I'm around or you are going to be in need of prosthetic fingers to code again motherfucker.

Repost: I like how a lot of code has the word 'forgive me' in it... Oh forgive me angular gods

Yo gods of devRant
Can you keep this as a feature? As a switch or something perhaps? This pixelated avatar is sick!

OK.
1. So i tindered.
2. I got a really nice girl.
3. We chatted really long and good.
4. We tried to meetup it did not work because of our schedule. New
job on my end, she is a student.
5. I thought its over. Fine whatever.
6. She gives me her number.
7. We continue chat on whatsapp
8. Blablabla 3 days long, she gets bored and tries to friendzone me
9. I revert the shit and state i wanna be serious and there wont be a
friendzone/nice guy comin from me.
10. She happy and continues to chat.
11. I get emtionally invested in her.
12. We exchange thoughts dreams and music.
13 We want to meetup at weekend. I cant. Got a family wedding all
weekend.
14. We want to meetup the second week.
I cant. Im off on a company trip. Again new job here.
15. So we say in the week after I get back.
15a. Before the weekend we need to deliver an rc and go all out to hold
the deadline.
15b. We deliver, but shit happens on the customer side. His fault but we
get the blame.
15c I go onto the company trip.
16. We chat and i send her pictures of the trip over the weekend so she
sees I care.
17. She seems fine. And happy.
18. I come back from the trip late night and need to work the next day
jetlag style.
19. I work jetlag style. And try to fix the shit from last week.
20. I come home really tired and looking forward to date day tomorrow.
21. I cant do anything. My home looks like shit and the bag still
unpacked. I just eat and fall asleep.
I feel bad bcs my home will turn her down instantly if we make it to my
place.
Need to hope that it does not come to this.
22. Date day comes. Today.
23. I wake up at 6 early to plan ahead to make sure my clothes are fine
and i arrive on time in the office to exit early.
24. I expect to check what goes on today in the city and give her the
location to meet and time.
25. I enter office and immeadetly get caught up in meeting planning, dev
questions and the meeting itself because the project is on edge.
26. We have a 5hours long meeting where people go on and on and on.
27. 3h later in the meeting:
my brain was fried and around 12 i go to lunch with some people.
28. Meanwhile the city is turning into a rainy mess of a shitty day. No
way I can have a nice walk with her like that. Bars and coffeshops are
just to boring.
29. So i eat to regain some sense and we go back to the office.
Meanwhile I am thinking all kinds of locations and stuff in my head.
30. Havent given her any update since a good morning in the morning.
31. We reenter the meeting. Things continue like before. The project is
on impossible demands and impossible timelines. Still we try to do our
best.
32 3h later on 3pm I tell her i am in a long meeting and working on a
meetingspot.
33. shes not happy.
34. I get a call from a relative
35. i need to go out and take the call. not good for the collegues.
again new job here.
36. family trouble,  money trouble, goverment demands. I promise to
handle that tomorrow. Before work.
37. i get back into the meeting.
38. still super slow and no results.
39. need to focus but start to check for locations on my phone.
40. she asks me where i am
41. I send her my location.
42. she thinks i am saying she should pick me up!
43 i joke and say no definitly not.
44. shes pissed.
45.  I decide for a coffeeshop. after work. and send her the location
46. She says to call it off.
47. I go all in and go romance style. I say ill wait there even if she
does not come to show her how much i care.
U know to avoid the lets do it some other time fuckery and then it never
happens.
47. She goes quiet.
48. 2h later we finish the meeting. Meanwhile QA foudn a bug we need to
fix because why not.
49. I got 30 minutes to find the bug and fix it before I need to go to
uphold my word.
50. I find out what to do, but it might break a lot of other things
without careful test and implementation. Collegues says he takes it.
51 I feel bad but I need to go. I even leave earlier because otherwise I
would not be on time.
52. I arrive 15 minutes early. I grab two coffee2go and wait outside,
53. Shitty weather, sometimes rain, sometimes sunny, cant decide what it
wants.
54. The weather is just like how I feel.
55. I wait 1 1/2h
56. I think I should feel stupid, For gods sake its tinder. People dont
give a crap, Enough people around why should I Invest so much into this?
But I dont feel stupid. Because this is how I want it. I dont want
appointments, I dont want safety. I decided for her and I went all in.
57. I send her pics from the sceneray as proof that I waited,
58. I think I blew it. She is still quiet.
59. Friends are asking me for plans for the weekend. I wish I could say
I already have some with her.
60. I feel lost right now. But my head says I put too much stress on
her, And i fucked up with the planning. I should have been more precise.
My head also says that i am putting myself into the victim role, which
is wrong always. Should I continue to reach out to her? Is there
something I could do still?

Dear Phone Manufacturers,
I dont like that you always make phones slimmer and slimmer, batteries suffer and the cooling of the SoC isnt really improving either...
Also your phones are getting more breakable than ever!

JUST MAKE PHONES THICKER FOR GODS SAKE! THEN WE CAN HAVE BATTERIES WHICH LAST FOR DAYS AND PHONES THAT ARE INDESTRUCTABLE! thanks. and now Fuck off

Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!

Learning a new programming language:

1. reading basics
2. creates small programs
3. plan new projects
4. search everything else in the internet
5. output: we have become code gods

*winks at stack overflow and github*

May the programming gods let me sleep tonight, instead of bombarding me with more ideas...

Stand up... Walk away...

The Coding Gods will deliver the answer to you when you are ready to receive it.

One of the biggest reality checks you will run into when starting your first dev related job - and which they don't teach you about in school - is that a lot of the time will be spent working with other people's code, and rewriting it into "your own" is rarely an option.

You might be super into making things, but not everyone manages to maintain that same spark while taking over a 15 year old project with fundamental issues that have to be triaged "for now" because you need a hotfix on this other specific thing out in prod before lunch.

There are no gods now. They left the company years ago and nobody knows why they used the windows registry as a user repo.

Those SEO guys that believe they are some kind of web Gods for building a real crap over WP with a $50 theme and fucking Visual Composer (the most fucked up piece of shit ever) and then ask you to just "optimize" their bloated site so they can get a great score on PageSpeed Insights.

NO.

No way I'm gonna put my hands on that *thing*.

Dear DevRant Gods,

Please let me filter out the pokemon go posts.

It is getting out of hand!

I'll behave for the rest of the year, I promise. I can either have one less present at Christmas, if that's what it takes!

With rant,

fredrf_

If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark

etc etc..

Colleagues talking among themselves about gods, form of higher power, etc.

Colleague 1: *to colleague 2* So you believe in superhumans?

Colleague 2: I believe in God.

Colleague 1: *to me* What about you?

Me: Yeah. Superhumans exist. I have to deal with them everyday. Because stupidity levels that high aren't practically possible in normal humans.

When coding at work is too intense to return the coffee mugs. One more to complete the triangle and call to our the coffee gods.

Moment when your boss catches you reading dev-rants while you are supposed to be working...

Had mine for a few days, didn't think to post it.
Mine is a bit deep... As many of you don't know, I'm a aspireing writer. "Cyanite" is a character of my creation. She's basically a witch who plays god (a least in one of my stories). She's consitered to be a God of Mischief; Helping or hindering those she meets on a whim, purely for her own entertainment. Because of this, she is both prased and feared.

This saying essentially means that "A bad person can also do good, while still being bad." (Rather; you can't judge a person, and people are unprediactable.)

Just discovered the new CSS grid layout... OH MY GOD THANK YOU!

Clicking "share" on directory in Windows Explorer, digging through config panel, fidgeting with network discovery options, toggling password protection, digging through account management, jumping over a chair 3 times to channel my inner Bill Gates, checking directory permissions, sacrificing 7 virgin unicorns, go into lusrmgr.msc, curse various gods, install CIFS1.0 protocol, reboot computer, disable encryption, checking registry, trying to summon Steve Ballmer using the blood of a bald goat and sweat-scented candles... 5 hours.

Install Ubuntu on spare SSD, mount Windows NTFS drive, start SMB daemon and set up samba users... 15 minutes.

What's the shittiest IT company you seen ?

I'll tell one i know - it had the shittiest web site I've ever seen, they built Android app that "enables users to pray to God" , a basic shitty app with pictures of Hindu gods and a button labelled "Perform e-pooja" Also the app description said "Share the app with friends and family" to receive free Gods blessing.

Really dude?! How low can you go?...have some basic ethics!

P.S: This company came to our institution with job offers and my teacher asked why i didn't attend their interview.

No thanks, I'd rather start as freelancer and work on building my own company than wasting my life in such retarded company.

Holy fucking cockgoblin!

If you interview for a senior position, please, for the sanity of your interviewer (me), make sure you know how to declare variables and how to iterate over an array in the language which the shitgoblin (you) "love and use all the time".

Of course the interviewer (me) is gonna be polite and let the shitgoblin (you) code out your 50-line solution for a 3-line problem, but after 2 hours watching the shitgoblin contemplate solutions that anyone who ever opened a fucking beginners tutorial by accident could answer, the interviewer might prefer to have been on a Justin Bieber concert or have sucked huge sweaty ballsacks for those two hours.

I know that interviews can be hard and stressful - I've been there, am there, and at some point will be there again - but please, for the love of nonexistent gods, don't be a time-wasting shitnugget but prepare yourself!

Merge conflicts in git I guess 😄

I love how active @dfox is in this community. He ++'ed several of my rants and comments and I often see rants with screenshots of the notifications when he ++es something. It feels like the gods have spoken directly to you

I fucking hate it when apps are not named the same way as the fucking product or company. "Connect" app. Connect fucking what? "Mobile bank". Let me try to search for it using the name of my bank. Haha, oops, I forgot I should rather go fuck myself. MusicCast. You're fucking Yamaha and if I can't find you at Y then gods help me.

Why the fuck does people who teach in professional colleges doesn't have the mindset to update their godamnn fucking dinosaur knowledge to the least basics of modern technology.

Had to do this mini-project for uni, and the languages allowed included java, python, php or any similar frontend tools for creating desktop app or web app. I planned on taking React + Express cz apparently that'll fall in the category.

Now she starts yelling at my project saying its not allowed and when I fucking asked her "can I use node.js which is basically javascript" she said yes.

And for gods sake she has a Masters degree and phd but doesn't even know what's the difference between get and post request!! Fed up with this college shit!!

Put random text in window.alert() where ever I got error in JavaScript code. Random text like 1) If you see this, you are fucked; 2) error 001; 3)why today; 4) the code is breaking here etc.

And never removed them. They are the running in production till now. I am just thankful to the gods that the code Nevers break and the user does not get browser alert and also the fact that I don't work there anymore.

PTSD: Getting messages again at 9PM on a friday: "do you have time for a call?"

no dude, I DONT!

IF I DIDNT ANSWER YOU DURING THE DAY ON A WEDNESDAY, WHY IN GODS NAME DO YOU THINK I WOULD RESPOND AT 9 PM ON A FRIDAY

Two types of people. I see this way to often in the community, and yes, I know this to be true to every industry, but being that I am in I.T I will thus focus just on I.T.

We never know about the situation of other people, we can always tell them that it is natural to be confused at first and they should learn to look at the docs, but to be nasty just for the sake of it, because some screen protects you from catching hands.... that is the legit personification of the fat ugly little troll nerd that is so pathetic that he needs to shit on others over the internet.
Lads, web development can be complex, but it is one of the lowest forms of development, certainly not complex and glamorous enough to act as if we were gods...do we really need to be that mean and nasty?

windows: cant uninstall because program is still running
me: *opens task manager* ITS NOT RUNNING
windows: cant uninstall because program is still running

for gods sake, ill just restart the damn computer

our neighbor has very fast Wi-Fi (~200 MBPS) . but, he didn't tell us the password and we don't know where to ask

sis : You said that you are a programmer right?
me : Of course!
sis : So why don't you do your job?
me : Create an app?
sis : No! hack his Wi-Fi
me : *Hacked the Wi-Fi and give her the password*

another day, mom's phone got crazy,

mom: Allen! Come and fix this phone
me : *After looking at the phone*
me : It is the screen saver I installed earlier

but why people think that programmers are "Computer gods" ?

Oh man. I have been waiting for this one. Gather round lil' chil'rens it's story time.

So. I was looking for a new project because my old one was wrapping up and that's what my company does. So I was offered some simulation type stuff. I was like "sure why not, I want to make a computer pretend it isn't a computer no more." Side note I should not be a psychiatrist.

So, prior to coming on to this job I felt stifled by my old job's process. This job was a smaller team so I thought the process would be a little smoother. But it turned out they had NO process. Like they had a bug tracking system and they held the meeting to add things to the system, but that was just fucking lip service to a process.

First of all, they used the local disk on the test box as their version control. and had no real scheme as to how they organized it. We had a CM tool but gods forbid they ever fucking use it. I would be handed problem reports and interface change requests, write a bug to track it, go into the code and about 75% of the time or more it had already been worked. However, there was no record of it being worked and I would have to fucking hunt that shit down in a terribly shitty baseline (standardize your gods damned indentation for fuck's sake) and half the time only found out it was done because when I finally located the piece of code that needed changing, the work was already done.

Then, on top of all that, they ask me what time I want to come in. I said 10am, they said okay. One day I roll in at 10 and my boss is mad. Because I missed a meeting. That was at 9. That I wasn't told about. He says I can keep coming in at 10am though (I asked and volunteered to help get him up to speed on the things I was working he said it wasn't necessary) so I did, but every time I missed a 9am meeting he would get pissed. I'm like PICK ONE!!! They move the meeting to 9:30am (which is not 10am).

This shit starts affecting my health negatively. Stress is apt to do that. It triggered an anxiety relapse that pushed me back in to therapy for the first time in 7 years. On top of that the air quality in the office is so bad that I am getting back to back sinus infections and I get put on heavy antibiotics that tear up my stomach along with the stress and new meds tearing up my stomach. So one day as I am laid out in pain, I call out sick. Two days in a row. (Such a heinous crime right.) Well I missed a test event, that I wasn't even the primary or secondary on.

So fast forward to the most pissed off I have ever been. I get called in to a meeting with my boss's boss. As it turns out, my coworkers are not satisfied by the work that I'm doing (funny because I thought I was doing pretty good given that my only direction was fix the interface change reports and problem reports. And there was no priority assigned to any of them).

And rather than tell me any of this, they go behind my back to the boss and boss's boss. They tell me I need to communicate (which I did) and ask for help when I need it (I never did). That I missed an important event (that I played no part in and gods forbid I be sick) and that it seemed like I didn't want to be there (I didn't but who WANTS to work a corporate job).

They put me on a performance improvement plan and I jumped to another project. I am much happier now. Old coworkers won't even say hi, not even those I was friendly with, but fuck them anyway.

We share a fate, trapped on a page by the author of our world’s demise. In your eyes I see the pain, your targets slain, I will be the whispers in your mind, the demon inside.

Don’t let down your guard, let in the darkness. You will defeat this trial of ancient gods. Take me in spirit, demon adherent. When you’re the last one to survive. Spirit, stay gentle, next monumental. Will you keep the fire alive?

I, with the power inside, set an end to these lies from the deep and the quiet. Sleep, my old enemy, let an end come to me. traveler please let me fade.

Mighty Devrant gods.
enlighten me with your knowledge.
Best programming/"hacking" movies/shows?
(I've already watched Mr robot)
Even the cringe worthy but classic, must watch ones.

Sweet mother of unlogical fucking gods.

How does this even make sense
😩🔫

<aura:if isTrue=“{!not(empty(v.errorMessage))}”>
<div>{!v.errorMessage}</div>
</aura:if>

Ps: the ! Does not mean “not” 🤪

What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her

I AM TIRED

warning: this rant is going to be full of negativity , CAPS, and cursing.

People always think and they always write that programming is an analytical profession. IF YOU CANNOT THINK IN AN ANALYTICAL WAY THIS JOB IS NOT FOR YOU! But the reality could not be farther from the truth.

A LOT of people in this field whether they're technical people or otherwise, just lack any kind of reasoning or "ANALYTICAL" thinking skills. If anything, a lot of of them are delusional and/or they just care about looking COOL. "Because programming is like getting paid to solve puzzles" *insert stupid retarded laugh here*.

A lot of devs out there just read a book or two and read a Medium article by another wannabe, now think they're hot shit. They know what they're doing. They're the gods of "clean" and "modular" design and all companies should be in AWE of their skills paralleled only by those of deities!

Everyone out there and their Neanderthal ancestor from start-up founders to developers think they're the next Google/Amazon/Facebook/*insert fancy shitty tech company*.

Founder? THEY WANT TO MOVE FAST AND GET TO MARKET FAST WITH STUPID DEADLINES! even if it's not necessary. Why? BECAUSE YOU INFERIOR DEVELOPER HAVE NOT READ THE STUPID HOT PILE OF GARBAGE I READ ONLINE BY THE POEPLE I BLINDLY COPY! "IF YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE FIRST VERSION OF YOU APP, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG" - someone at Amazon.

Well you delusional brainless piece of stupidity, YOU ARE NOT AMAZON. THE FIRST VERSION THAT THIS AMAZON FOUNDER IS EMBARRASSED ABOUT IS WHAT YOU JERK OFF TO AT NIGHT! IT IS WHAT YOU DREAM ABOUT HAVING!

And oh let's not forget the tech stacks that make absolutely no fucking sense and are just a pile of glue and abstraction levels on top of abstraction levels that are being used everywhere. Why? BECAUSE GOOGLE DOES IT THAT WAY DUH!! And when Google (or any other fancy shit company) changes it, the old shitty tech stack that by some miracle you got to work and everyone is writing in, is now all of a sudden OBSOLETE! IT IS OLD. NO ONE IS WRITING SHIT IN THAT ANYMORE!

And oh my god do I get a PTSD every time I hear a stupid fucker saying shit like "clean architecture" "clean shit" "best practice". Because I have yet to see someone whose sentences HAVE TO HAVE one of these words in them, that actually writes anything decent. They say this shit because of some garbage article they read online and in reality when you look at their code it is hot heap of horseshit after eating something rancid. NOTHING IS CLEAN ABOUT IT. NOTHING IS DONE RIGHT. AND OH GOD IF THAT PERSON WAS YOUR TECH MANAGER AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM RUNNING THEIR SHITHOLE ABOUT HOW YOUR SIMPLE CODE IS "NOT CLEAN". And when you think that there might be a valid reason to why they're doing things that way, you get an answer of someone in an interview who's been asked about something they don't know, but they're trying to BS their way to sounding smart and knowledgable. 0 logic 0 reason 0 brain.

Let me give you a couple of examples from my unfortunate encounters in the land of the delusional.

I was working at this start up which is fairly successful and there was this guy responsible for developing the front-end of their website using ReactJS and they're using Redux (WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO ELIMINATE PASSING ATTRIBUTES FOR THE PURPOSE OF PASSING THEM DOWN THE COMPONENT HIERARCHY AGIAN). This guy kept ranting about their quality and their shit every single time we had a conversation about the code while I was getting to know everything. Also keep in mind he was the one who decided to use Redux. Low and behold there was this component which has THIRTY MOTHERFUCKING SEVEN PROPERTIES WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS BE PASSED DOWN AGAIN LIKE 3 TO 4 TIMES!.

This stupid shit kept telling me to write code in a "functional" style. AND ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING IS USING MAP, FILTER, REDUCE! And says shit like "WE DONT NEED UNIT TESTS BECAUSE FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING HAS NO ERRORS!" Later on I found that he read a book about functional programming in JS and now he fucking thinks he knows what functional programming is! Oh I forgot to mention that the body of his "maps" is like 70 fucking lines of code!

Another fin-tech company I worked at had a quote from Machiavelli's The Prince on EACH FUCKING DESK:

"There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things."

MOTHERFUCKER! NEW ORDER OF THINGS? THERE 10 OTHER COMPANIES DOING THE SAME SHIT ALREADY!

And the one that got on my nerves as a space lover. Is a quote from Kennedy's speech about going to the moon in the 60s "We choose to go to the moon and do the hard things ..."

YOU FUCKING DELUSIONAL CUNT! YOU THINK BUILDING YOUR SHITTY COPY PASTED START UP IS COMPARABLE TO GOING TO THE MOON IN THE 60S?

I am just tired of all those fuckers.

I swear upon the gods of the internet! Any time I am trying to read an article/blog post/anything and the site puts a god damn pop-up form asking me to sign up for something, I leave the site. ESPECIALLY ON MOBILE WHEN YOU CANT CLOSE THE DAMN WINDOW WITHOUT GIVING UP YOUR INFO.

And every time a client asks me to do this I nicely explain how much people hate pop-ups, 99% of the time I've closed the window or tab before I even read what the box is asking for, I don't care.

If the user is trying to read something, then they are trying to read something, and they don't want to be bothered with your ridiculous attempts for information gathering so you can spam them later.

When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...

Why do PMs think we are all inter changeable? Wtf?!?!?!
8 hours for me is not the same as 8 hours for some junior guy. Really, for gods sake, junior guys don't even know how tell time yet.

Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!

Terrible week. Micromanagement killing all progress. The only positive note this week is that we got a new scent of soap.

Thank the gods I like citrus...

I propose that the study of Rust and therefore the application of said programming language and all of the technology that compromises it should be made because the language is actually really fucking good. Reading and studying how it manages to manipulate and otherwise use memory without a garbage collector is something to be admired, illuminating in its own accord.

BUT going for it because it is a "beTter C++" should not constitute a basis for it's study.

Let me expand through anecdotal evidence, which is really not to be taken seriously, but at the same time what I am using for my reasoning behind this, please feel free to correct me if I am wrong, for I am a software engineer yes, I do have academic training through a B.S in Computer Science yes, BUT my professional life has been solely dedicated to web development, which admittedly I do not go on about technical details of it with you all because: I am not allowed to(1) and (2)it is better for me to bitch and shit over other petty development related details.

Anecdotal and otherwise non statistically supported evidence: I have seen many motherfuckers doing shit in both C and C++ that ADMIT not covering their mistakes through the use of a debugger. Mostly because (A) using a debugger and proper IDE is for pendejos and debugging is for putos GDB is too hard and the VS IDE is waaaaaa "I onlLy NeeD Vim" and (B) "If an error would have registered then it would not have compiled no?", thus giving me the idea that the most common occurrences of issues through the use of the C father/son languages come from user error, non formal training in the language and a nice cusp of "fuck it it runs" while leaving all sorts of issues that come from manipulating the realm of the Gods "memory".
EVERY manual, book, coming all the way back to the K&C book talks about memory and the way in which developers of these 2 languages are able to manipulate and work on it. EVERY new standard of the ISO implementation of these languages deals, through community effort or standard documentation about the new items excised through features concerning MODERN (meaning, no, the shit you learned 20 years ago won't fucking cut it) will not cut it.

THUS if your ass is not constantly checking what the scalpel of electrical/circuitry/computational representation of algorithms CONDONES in what you are doing then YOU are the fucking problem.

Rust is thus no different from the original ideas of the developers behind Go when stating that their developers are not efficient enough to deal with X language, Rust protects you, because it knows that you are a fucking moron, so the compiler, advanced, and well made as it is, will give you warnings of your own idiotic tendencies, which would not have been required have you not been.....well....a fucking idiot.

Rust is a good language, but I feel one that came out from the necessity of people writing system level software as a bunch of fucking morons.
This speaks a lot more of our academic endeavors and current documentation than anything else. But to me DEALING with the idea of adapting Rust as a better C++ should come from a different point of view.

Do I agree with Linus's point of view of C++? fuck no, I do not, he is a kernel engineer, a damn good one at that regardless of what Dr. Tanenbaum believes(ed) but not everyone writes kernels, and sometimes that everyone requires OOP and additions to the language that they use. Else I would be a fucking moron for dabbling in the dictionary of languages that I use professionally.
BUT in terms of C++ being unsafe and unsecured and a horrible alternative to Rust I personaly do not believe so. I see it as a powerful white canvas, in which you are able to paint software to the best of your ability WHICH then requires thorough scrutiny from the entire team. NOT a quick replacement for something that protects your from your own stupidity BY impending the use of what are otherwise unknown "safe" features.

To be clear: I am not diminishing Rust as the powerhouse of a language that it is, myself I am quite invested in the language. But instead do not feel the reason/need before articles claiming it as the C++ killer.

I am currently heavily invested in C++ since I am trying a lot of different things for a lot of projects, and have been able to discern multiple pain points and unsafe features. Mainly the reason for this is documentation (your mother knows C++) and tooling, ide support, debugging operations, plethora of resources come from it and I have been able to push out to my secret project a lot of good dealings. WHICH I will eventually replicate with Rust to see the main differences.

Online articles stating that one will delimit or otherwise kill the other is well....wrong to me. And not the proper approach.

Anyways, I like big tits and small waists.

Hopefully, i will start working as a full stack web dev. Starting from next month.

May the programming gods be with me and my code.

Why on gods earth would someone name a prod db xxx_Test?!

The story of how I got my dream job.

I was working for a company with a job I got just after graduating university. It was ok, not very exciting tech but I learned a lot by just surrounding myself with professional code monkeys. I was there for about a year when my company bought parts of another company and there was talk about people getting fired. This made me worried since I was the last one to get hired, so I started looking around for other jobs. I received this e-mail from a company saying they were looking for interns, what a coincidence! I adjusted my CV and sent it in.

--A few weeks pass--

It's Friday and I'm at a dinner party, it's 10pm and someone is calling me. I pick up and it's a recruiter from this company. I get very nervous but the alcohol helps me keep my cool, I pass the initial idiot test and they invite me for an interview. Yay!

I go to work on Monday and in a 1-on-1 and I tell my boss about the upcoming interview, he gives me a high-five :)

The interview is approaching and I'm feeling that I'm about to get sick, I refuse to believe this so I start taking a lot of medicine (painkillers, cough medicine etc.). I feel a bit better and thank the gods for medication.

--D-day--

I wake up, put on my nicest clothes and get on the train. I had one hour to spare just in case, which was well needed because the fucking train is late by 30 minutes. I'm still heavily medicated because of my ongoing fever. When I arrive I basically have to run there and somehow I manage to pick up a coffee on the way there which I devour in two seconds. I'm ready for the interview!

Some guy meets me in reception and the first thing he says is "My colleague doesn't speak our language so we'll have to speak english". This is fine, I speak good english but I was not prepared for this so it caught me off-guard and made me even more nervous. We get in and start talking. Things are going OK despite my numbed brain. I try to make eye-contact to make a good impression with the foreign engineer but he keeps staring somewhere which is making me nervous.

We get to the technical part on a whiteboard and this is where my brain decides to stop communicating. I'm presented a simple task which I'm struggling with finishing, and I feel the embarrassment coming over me. "NOOOOO THIS IS MY DREAM JOB, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" I'm thinking to myself. After making myself look like a complete arsehole for some time we wrap it up and just before I step out the door I say to the engineer "You should checkout my Github page, I have lots of interesting stuff there" and he says "I'll be sure to do that" but I don't believe him.

I leave the office in fury (of myself) and make my way to the train station and even though it's the middle of the day I quickly devour two beers to calm my nerves and make me feel a bit better. I was so damn disappointed in myself, I wasted the opportunity of a lifetime! I go back home to my regular (now shitty) job.

--Two days later--

I get a call from an unknown number. I pick up the phone and it's the same recruiter guy. "So how did you think it went?" he says. "To be honest, I think it went really bad", I replied. "What? Really? Because they loved you, you got the job". (this was an obvious recruiter lie) "... wat, are you sure you called the correct person?" I said and he just laughed. The day after I quit my old job the whole department gets fired - such impeccable timing.

--A few months later--

I finish my internship and they want to keep me. I'm so happy. The engineer that was in the interview works on my team. I ask him "Why did you hire me? You know as well as I do that my interview was horrible". It turns out he _did_ look at my Github profile and that's how he knew I could write code. I also heard later that for my position there was about 2000 applicants and somehow I made the interviews.

I still work there today and I couldn't be happier (Sorry for the long text).

I’m new to programming. I first learned G-Code and M-Code for CNC machines and being a machinist got boring, so now I’m in School for computer science. But I swear, the amount of motherfuckers that act like they are the programming gods and they know everything there is to know just because they’ve been a programmer for so and so amount of years just grinds my gears. They act like some knowledge is important while other knowledge is useless, and generalize it and push that belief on everyone. But fail to realize that some people, such as myself, just love computers in every facet. I don’t give a damn how many years of programming experience you have and how many people you’ve taught. If you act like a stuck up know it all and walk around like your shit don’t stink, I wouldn’t work with you even if I had the same amount of experience as you.

Supervisor has me making a web app in this badass new stack called the LAP (linux, apache, php) stack because he would he would like the app to be "simple". He's spot on though.. having a three letter acronym saves so much time.... and then we don't need to worry about a database... or querying.... or efficiency.... or even the web app itself because clearly he expects the fucking code gods to come down and turn this piece of shit web app into a fucking masterpiece if he thinks this shit can be done based on a hacked together file management system. Please save me code gods

The reason I don't have friends is because I embed Python code in C++, instead of using pybind like the Linux gods intended us to 😅
If you want to load data from Pandas DataFrame in a C++, I can put some examples on my Github.

Are we all victims of self-inflicted poor posture? Or are there gods among us?

Notepad++

No reason. Just don’t like it anymore!

Sometimes I get so frustrated seeing my old code, I wanna travel back in time and slap myself!

fml

All week working with sun outside and when you're supposed to enjoy the weekend the weather gods don't let you :/

When your boss tells you to work on legacy PHP4 codebase...

Pizza is life.
Coffee is the nectar of Gods.

I've been a bit "removed" from .NET lately and I've been slowly forgetting about it. It's like I grieved a loss, and now I was moving on, for lack of a better analogy. I was just beginning to get used to my new environment of Node JS and PHP. And, recently, I was put on track to complete a full project using Node JS.

And then suddenly a new company reached out to me, interested in my skills, and asked for me to build a simple .NET web app to showcase my abilities.

I got started, and holy crap I forgot how nice it was to be coding in this environment. Everything I had forgotten about switched on for me, like riding a bike. I was done with the app in a matter of hours. It was probably the most productive I've been with a coding assignment in forever. I was beaming with pride at the fact that I could code so fluently despite some time away. Everything here just made sense to me.

After I submitted it to the company for review I sat back and thought, damn, do I have to go back to Node/Express JS? I barely have any experience with it 😂. The only reason I know anything is because I watched a 20 minute quick tutorial on how to build an API. That's it.

I really want my current company to give me projects that are in my preferred language and they aren't and that's killing me right now. I can learn, that's not a problem, but my effectiveness as an employee is completely shot by not allowing me to build in code that I know and understand. I was fuckin hired for my specific coding experience, why not take advantage of what I know?

I should say something to my manager but I know they will just tell me no because they want it to be built in Javascript as it's the preferred language of the Gods.

Joking aside, I don't think they will go for it because it is another language that they would have to manage and maintain if I ever leave.

Oh well 🤷

At 20 I thought my life would be an adventure. At 30 it seems like it's a rerun.

The reality is that life is full of grey areas, "good guys and bad guys" on all sides of most issues, and the story and excitement eventually end.

sometimes getting old feels like becoming comfortable with being numb and mediocre.

you are not the star at the center of your own story.

there is no story. there is only today, and then tomorrow, and then the day after that for as long as they happen to go on.

I can see no greater meaning or purpose behind this circus.

people think in months, seasons, years. maybe some of you even have five year plans.

but for me, rome was yesterday. and every rome to come. thats how near it is. It is so close, it and so many times before and after it, I cannot explain the sensation.

and in the vast gulfs of time, I see the wars, the conflicts, the narratives, and they unfold like dust or scum swirling on a pond, mechanistic, telling stories about nothing, algae struggling over territory on a rock.

as clearly as day, I see it all.

I saw your birth, and I saw your death. Your pain, and your greatest joy. How is it possible to love a total stranger and know them intimately because of their shared humanity? And still.

And from afar, in the stillness, I can't help being detached from the world and its problems.
And when we die, it is as if the world dies with us. Because it is not the end of the world, but the death of our own.

Softly go mortals, gently to their gods, like flowers in the fading summer. Never grasping that the permanence of the true identity and the temporality of the spirit are as fundementally distinct as the permanence of say "the G note", against the brief sound it makes when touched.

Eh. forget it. Sentimentality is a curse sometimes.

This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...

My employer has no work for me, so i'm sitting here, watching anime and scrolling devrant. For gods sake give me work.

I was so annoyed by my acne over the past few years that today I went and got the entire area of my facial skin blasted with laser. Now, a several microns thin veneer, containing all that ugly pore openings, is removed.

Isotretinoin, benzoylperoxid, all failed. But I'm not afraid of trying newer methods. Now, serums will be used to grow new skin differently than it might have grown back on its own.

When it grows back, another laser will be used to destroy sebaceous glands. Blackheads and bumps will be physically impossible. A new skin. Even. Glowing. Artificial. Absolutely flawless, absolutely perfect. What a nice reflection of my vision on every thing I make.

When god was sitting in its room, chewing on a donut and designing the world we live in, he never thought much of humans. He got bored and went for a smoke with other gods of other worlds. Little did he know, there was a knock on his door, and a consequential rush of anxiety in realization that it was no fellow god friend, but a human. A human of the generation that figured out Theory of Everything, CRISPR and immortality. Desperate, dirty apes dared to trick silicon sand into thinking, and now they're there, not to talk, but to kill him, a privileged astral plane kid who fell short of those apes who figured everything out on their own.

Disease is natural. Death is natural.

Eternal things are artificial.

Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔

Don't you just hate filling a sign-up form which is validated to such an extent that it even requires everything to be entered in capitals. UGH! JUST CONVERT TO CAPS IN YOUR BACKEND FOR GODS SAKE!!!

These days programming has boiled down to how optimally can you find solution to your problem using search tools!

I’m in a big company now. We have all the resources in the world. We promote best practice. We don’t even seem to have deadlines. We mob on everything so that we get the benefit of all our experience combined.

So if all that is true, why in gods name does the first class I open have shed loads of hard coded settings, IP addresses and GUIDs in it?

FML. How did I end up working in this shit.

Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!

Bae: i <3 u
Me: Uncaught SyntaxError: Unexpected identifier

Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!

!rant

MASSIVE UPGRADE ROUND 2:

We took it by steps, the DBA did his portion and I did mine, we had waited for the entire thing to be finalized today on Sunday since our users are probably jerking off to their waifus (as they should) and today was my part. MA BOE the DBA was with me the entire time and the whole process took us about 4 hours of both of us getting multiple heart attacks here and there and praying to the elder gods of Asgard for their devine protection as we venture into the calamity of fire and juten ass mfkers that are our fucking servers for this particular process.

Man I really hope for the pandemic to be over and take my dude out for a nice beer, some wings and some relaxation time.

Best DB/Dev team I have ever been with.

Delete your Facebook
Delete LinkedIn and Gmail too

Stop visiting websites with ads
Stop being friends with anyone with smartphones

Draw your own maps
Draw your own water

Avoid drinking tap water
Avoid going out in public with your face on

Kill your own meat
Kill your gods
- From tweet

Ranting ranter ranted a rant on ranting ranter ranting

Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!

Who is excited to watch Snowden movie with Joseph Gordon Levitt as Snowden?

Got tired of these "share or die" messages and sent this to everyone-
"Hey, read this,

1. WA will not give free stuff if you forward a message to 10 groups.

2. You can't send a message to some people and cure someone else's cancer

3. WA won't pay someone else when you forward a goddamn message.

4. WhatsApp gold is fake. It is a fake app that can steal your passwords, pictures and other private stuff.

5. Gods don't use WhatsApp. So you won't die if you don't forward messages. 

6. WhatsApp.com is the only official WhatsApp site. 

Sites like 'whatsapp.xyz.com' and 'claimprize.whatsapp.fml.com' are FAKE.

☺☺

Now you know. Spread this! "

My favorite quote from an article (jokingly) poking fun at React:

"I mentioned to a junior developer that his return function was getting a little unsightly with the lengthy JSX that he’d put in his render function. He told me, “Oh it’s cool. I’ll break it out into several functions that return JSX.”

I pushed him into a volcano.

The gods smiled upon us and we had rain."

Hello world.

Compiling a Linux zImage... pray for me, guys!

What is it with certain colleagues who "wanna write C, not C++"

Motherfucker if I see another malloc in the code I will physically asssault you.

Like damn we're failing to teach people C++ badly when a newcomer from university, who had 2 semesters of "C++" doesn't even understand RAII.

And how in gods name do software engineers with *decades* of experience get so stuck on old technologies?

Like I've seen them write 3 nested try-catch to make sure a delete is called or some mutex is unlocked....

If youre in the position of teaching others C++, please stop teaching C first.

I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!

float version = 1.8f
if (version >= 1.8f)
{
/*
Do nothing because you forgot
about floating point precision
you tool...
*/
}

I.. I'm sorry... I'll sacrifice some virtual chickens to appease the Gods.

Who did I piss off in my life to have to deal with this bullshit? First day off of vacation. I am vacation hungover and just regular hungover. Left my Xanax at home. I just sat through a 45 minute meeting that I didn't have to be in for longer than three minutes. I have what my work place calls scrum in 7 minutes, another fucking meeting I don't have to be in cuz vacation. I wasn't even planning on coming in today except for the fact that my fucking boss came in, in the middle of his vacation, to schedule a meeting this afternoon and then go ghost when I try to either reschedule or at least ask what my fucking responsibility in this meeting is this whole thing is making me sick to my stomach because anger triggers my anxiety which triggers my stomach issues which triggers my phobia which triggers more anxiety which then triggers my anxiety. Gods fucking dammit. Why did I come back from vacation just to arrive in meeting hell? Nothing is okay.

I read somewhere at the start of the global pandemic: when it comes to work from home life, you should never underestimate the benefits of a power nap.

My gods, that person was right! I only wish I had taken advantage of it more over the last year.

tl;dr
I am either the most responsible or the biggest idiot in the team

----------

TODAY.. oh boy.. fuck today. Like literally tuck this day and this shit. We ware doing releases for an integration we ware working on for ~1.5 months ... Aaand things went wrong - I guess we didn't make a sacrifice to the release gods - finally at around 8:30pm, being pretty much the last in the whole fucking office after a few last minute fixes I get my skinny ass on my way to grab a Corona and enjoy the public holiday tomorrow ...

Aaaaand I wish that was it, it turns out some things ware forgotten by.. well everyone aaaaand shit doesn't work (ofc ffs, why should it).. I see a slack notif and the feeling of dread gets me a couple of messages back I promise I'll be there in a couple of hours tops..and here I am ranting doing shit covering my desk with "food", hating my fucking self...

Me and the Head of Dev are literally the only ones working ATM...

Competent software engineers are in high demand in Belgium. If you are looking for a workplace that treats devs as demi-Gods, relocate now.

Perks available to you are:
- working from home 2-5 days/ week.
- English at the workplace because the northern & southern parts don't speak each other's languages
- terrible rush hour traffic jams allowing you to flexibly choose your schedule as long as there is enough overlap
- pension & hospital insurance
- a company car (electric or fuel)
- ability to get away with any lack of soft skills as long as you're technically strong
- a competitive salary (2-4k/mo), even with almost half of it being eaten by taxes
- limited competition, because there's a sore lack of competent developers

Note to self: Pointing your tests at a non disposable DB will cause very very bad things to happen. No idea what the flying fuck I was thinking - but praise to the data gods it wasn't a production elastic!

hsctf (high school capture the flag)

Sounds fun
Looks fun

first hurdle: you gotta have a mail server that accepts RFC uncompliant emails
second hurdle: even when you have it the acceptation link won't work
third hurdle: its FUCKING IN PYTHON
FUCKING HELL

If this how you wanna educate your youth, the for gods sake, die

Today is the day I get to go on a long and deserved vacation!
I came to work at 5.10 am so I can pour a glass of Lagavulin 16yo as early as possible 🤣

Edit: At the moment im a few SQL queries away from the nectar of gods.

The devRant gods got me puzzled again

The api for voting posts is

*/devrant/rants/id/vote/*

But for comments is

*/comments/id/vote/*

In the past: "Alright, have the day off, so can do some serious work (work on my game project). Let me just check my mail first... And a cpl of sub-reddits... And see if there are any updates for Unit3D, or any interesting forum posts, or new assets on asset store that look nice... And check some online newspapers just to see if anything is going on... And check if anything new has been posted on slashdot since I last checked 5 minutes ago (nope)... And maybe see if there's any updates to Sublime Text or new useful packages that can help improve workflow... Ooh came across article on how to improve workflow... Hm someone mentioned a new task-management system in comments, gotta check that out... I'll just sign up for a demo-account and... Hm but what if there are any better ones? Better google for comparisons. Wait, isn't there a new episode of Silicon Valley today? Gotta see that first, no time tmr. Hmm also new episode of Archer, and American Gods. Better get watching these out of the way first, or I can't concentrate... Ah, wait, it's dinner time, no point starting anything until after that."

Now: All of the above, plus "I'll just check devRant real quick before I... hmm... interesting rant... *scrolls and reads rants and comments for 3 hours*"

How am I supposed to get any work done? :_(

So my friend that wanted to start learning how to code started with some basic JS and he just decided after a little research to learn some C++, started out with free tutorials but I recommended a C++ Udemy course that was recommended to me from one of you guys, he said he was enjoying it so I was pretty happy...

At about midnight last night he tells me he is thinking about switching to Linux after using Windows his entire life... I have done gods work my friends...

I'm thinking about trialling him with standard Ubuntu 18.04 and maybe Elementary OS 5.0, anyone else got some recommendations for a new Linux user's first distro?

Why on gods green earth, would anybody look at a file with 20k lines, which clearly was made by something called WEBPACK and decide it's the right place to implement their changes for the next few years?!?

Gods are always looking out for me.

I got up at 4am to finish the work.
The meeting is at 9am.
So Gods turn the power off at 6am.
They want me to learn my lesson.
They just want me to plan ahead, manage my time and task wisely.
They just want me to become a better being.
They keep teaching me at every possible opportunities.

Yes, I understood. Yes.
But you know what, Gods?

Fuck you. Big fat ugly smelly fuck you. I can't tell you all to go die because you all are immortal and shit. So fuck you. I will never manage my time. I will always work at anytime anyhow I like. You think you can teach me? LMFAO. LOL. ROFL. You will never win. I will survive all the pain and shit. I will do what I like. So fuck you.

My gods, fuck WordPress in the backend!
Why did my company decide on writing a data collection api with many dynamic pages on top of WordPress. It's a blog, not a wonder tool you dumbwits.
Never have I had more fuck this moments per hour..

Note to self, don't fix a minor bug that will not effect the demo right before the live demo. My program that was working great didn't work anymore during the demo because of my quick bug fix I figured I had a few minutes to add to my code.

I still don't have enough rep to ask questions on stack overflow... coding gods have mercy on me

Why is almost every Wordpress Theme company I know just a bunch of wrecked mushroom addict assholes! Please for gods sake just get your damn documentation right and stop sticking your heads into your colleagues asses when someone is asking for support.

The next time you receive 49 bucks for nothing you dipshit think of me how I stick my fist into your ass!

Fucking morons!

A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!

I am a good person. I can even say I am a good programmer. I have worked hard to get where I am and that shows perseverance. Although, where I am right now is not what I expected, I am somewhere. I can do something. I have good intentions.

Someday, I will build software which will be used by millions of people around the interwebs. And they will love me, for I will have made their lives better....in some way. Some will even consider paying me for it. Not because the well placed and non intrusive donate button I put there, but out of pure adoration and bare necessity to preserve someone as brilliant and precious as me. I shall be the definition of success. But I long for neither adoration nor wealth, for I am humble or at least that is how I will be perceived.

Like flies to the honey my success will attract big evil corporations to acquire my business. And I shall spit on their wretched face....at first. I would like to be wooed. Such display of integrity shall inspire generations of programmers. Let ye be inspired. There will be those who envy my achievements and they will be mocked and shunned by my true believers. But being the kind soul that I am, I will bring back my minions, for it could a PR nightmare.

All these events will take place in a not too distant future. Sure, I am going through a dark time now, it will pass. 'tis nothing but me transitioning from a lame ass PHP coder moth to this totally badass software engineer who is also a cool bro. This eclipse of my brain shall pass. My neurons will fire in all directions like photons from the sun during late winter, for it may overheat and we definitely don't want that.

I pray to the gods of engineering to grant my wishes. Trust me guys, you will be thanking yourselves when donate my money to charities that will help me set up. But that's another scheme. Amen.

TLDR: There's some days where the Gods of IT are not with you. Just lost a whole day of work.

So this morning, we (me and my team) big performance issues with our web app. Lot's of requests time out, big latency, etc

Try to ssh to VPS, latency of 10 seconds between user input and output.

Usual checks: RAM ok, Proc ok, hard drive ok, reboot server (20 minutes), update/upgrade

We decide to call OVH. After 15 minutes call, we try to reboot in rescue mode. Reboot fails at 60% + everything freezes.

After an hour, OVH opens an incident ticket on +200 vps instances (including mine) everything is down during +1h

Finally everything is okay ! Even had time to migrate my new database schema.

Still, quick heavy on the mind but feels good to go home with everything working out correctly

Writing one dev-rant a day keeps dev-frustrations away!

Not my week for tech.

5 year old 21" desktop monitor burns out. 2nd monitor, so at least not completely down.

Then my toddler reached for my root beer and spills it on my 1 month old laptop. I quickly pull the plug and turn upside down, get it wiped off and pray. Next day, arrow and enter keys a little sticky and battery is blown. The 2 exact fucking reasons I bought the new laptop. (keyboard issues and battery)

Keep em coming tech gods.

If anyone looking to start learning blender because of any reason (like being a masochist among others), check out blederguru's tutorials.
The guy is doing God's work. At least animation Gods. Funny, awesome & detailed content.

New favourite quote...

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.

Joseph Campbell

I may have convinced my boss to start using Gitea to manage our git repos! 😆

Right now we have a NAS with bare repos, so we have no access rights, no overviews, no forks, no issues, no pull requests, nothing! 🤐

Now it's time to pray to the gods for his decision. 🤞

People who went to a weekend training course and now believe they are Gods of "the cloud" and "web scale" and "devops".

When you put your hands together and start chanting almighty compiler gods to have mercy on your soul.

Looks like I got dislike-banned as well... eventhough I only used it where appropriate.
I understand that our almighty gods dfox and trogus implemented this to fight bots and mischievous downvote cunts, but why not inform the user affected by it?
I fucking hate these silent bans, just like Twatter and YouTwat do it... you feel like you posted something but in reality it disappears and you're not even aware of it.

Man, nowadays a lot of people behave like bots thus I can't blame The Algorithm™...

We don't have a designer yet in the team so we had to learn Adobe XD on the side to prototype our ideas. After months of getting the hang of it thinking this semi-free tool will work for us to save some money, Adobe decides to change their pricing plans starting in April 2020 and it will no longer be free. It feels like Adobe trapped us to get used to their platform and then secretly slap us with a price tag halfway. We can't blame them since we're all trying to put food on the table here. We started exploring Figma today and oh boy was it a gift from the gods! The features are so much better. They make our workflow faster!

C++99, C++03, C++11 and C++14

I love when your design finally ends up working, looks good and it's running as fast as Usain Bolt, but why the hell does OOP has to be so ugly and clunky in C++? Constructors and copy constructors designs are barf inducing. Yes I am trying to make it as readable and neat as possible but it still looks like shit overall. And related compiler errors are almost always retarded or unhelpful even though I'm used to it now.

I know you will tell me "why are you using those old ass versions?". Well unfortunately in embedded you are stuck with old crap until some envoy of the gods finally up the standards... or if I do it myself for a specific platform.

*sees a new tech/framework/language*

*dives straights to download just checking for windows/mac/linux*

*downloaded product doesn't start/gives error/complains because some prerequisites are not met*

*after some frustration it starts to work*

*To not offend the Gods, writes "Hello World"*

*Carry a "Hackerman" face all day*

*Updates resume*

After being part of the dR community for over a year now I have to say I quite enjoyed my stay. But I did notice a shift in the last few months: More memes and less personal stories. I don't typically complain about that (if posted in the right category) but what made me really like devRant is the generally tight knit community. Sure it's all just synthetic but there's something nice about being able to interact with the "gods" of the platform (and yes I kinda miss @irene).
I normally like memes but the way they are blatantly copied from other sites without any link to dR kinda loses the spirit.

All in all I still really like devRant eventhough my involvement slowed down to a minimum after I began being an dick to everyone (sorry about that!). I know the platform doesn't grow much (atleast less than expected) but I don't think that's a bad thing overall. It's nice having a few familiar faces around

So anyway that's my drunk meta commentary about dR

I love gaming. I love Linux. Why can't these i have both of these in one platform.

Using Windows day to day is killng me please the gods of os development, seinors, senpai find a solution for this...

I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.

First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.

So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!

i hate people who join the company with a engineering in computer science degree and then can't even setup freaking java on their system.
like that is one of the basic languages taught to programmers, how do you graduate CS yet not know how to setup java!!!!!
this idiot today tired setting up eclipse without java and got errors and comes to me saying your files are corrupt.... i ask what happens and he shows me a error message box saying cannot find java paths... and then says i keep getting this error!!!
like freaking read the damn error and fix it. you're an engineering graduate for gods sake!!!!

If you want a self stem boost talk to some non programmers sometime. They seems to see us as gods with some mystical magical powers!!

Talked with a broker today and he told me about a damaged computer that he had with some important files. I told him that I'm not that kind of computer guy and proceeded to explain him briefly what I do (I build stuff) and he was like "oh, so you a the the REAL computer guy!" (no offense to any technicians here!)
I loved it!

So, get out and talk to the muggles and stop complaining that you are not good enough to work for Google (or Google is not good enough for you anymore anyways...)

Dear php. You weren't my first one. But you were my first serious one. The first i made money with. We had a great time together until ajax came. Do you remember? I did more and more with js later but you still where my main. You even exposed your source code to me. Time changed. They started to hate you. And yes, they where right in some points. But they never saw your good sides. I saw them. I stood with you. But i was froced to wrote backends in typescript, in Java. And you know what: i didn't feel so bad. For gods sake, I fucking enjoyed it, php!

When did we become so alienated? When did I staet to write my dayly heller scripts in bash instead of you?

Yes, you improved. Hack came, than php7, php8. You archived a lot. You finally brought types. There was a time when I thought everything that stood between us will be overcome. That we will be together forever.

But recently i had this conversation on DevRant with nmeri and did some research afterwards. And I learned, maybe you will never have generics. It just don't work out, php, I am sorry. It's not your fault, it's mine. But i dont think i can live without a proper type system for the rest of my life. Not after i taszed those other languages.
I don't know when it will happen. When i switch projects this summer maybe. Maybe next year, when i start a new job. Who knows. But it will happen: you won't be my main anymore at one point. Maybe we can stay friends but i want you to know, that i am open for something new in my life. Something with generics.

I hate it that some people at work call directly to my phone when they need help. They think that this way they will get service faster.

Now I understand if it’s an emergency but 95% of the cases it’s not. I most likely am stuck in a meeting or got my hands full with other work, so I am unable to answer my phone.

For gods sake, send a ticket, email or an instant message so my coworkers will be able to see your issue or I can forward it to availabe person. Stop spamming me with phone calls when I can’t answer!

Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!

Receiving so much negativity about being a developer, but is this the legacy we are trying to put out there for upcoming devs, most are us are introverts with or without being devs, antisocial to our very core, so why don't we face out this sadistic outward appearance and embrace the very mini gods we were created to be and make the very best of it and oh I have a wonderful social life with a loving and caring companion, my laptop.

My most humbling experience was finding the source code online to the original Pokemon games. It was right after I had finished my first text based Linux console game and I was looking up other programs source codes just for shits and giggles. Most of them were simple and I learned a few simple tricks but the red and blue Pokemon were the first codes I saw that fascinated me. The addressing, the memory allocation, even the simple audio processing was simply genius. So many unique innovations and techniques. If I achieve 1/5th of the skill I found in those files, I can die a happy programmer!

You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!

When you do a pull and find a line of code is mis-indented by a space/tab and you start questioning the code gods and universe about the meaning of life

New Gods

Is there any Android gods here?
I have a (what I think is) bricked Motorola Moto X Style (XT1572 EU) that I am not able to do anything with.

I am Hindu, we already have so many gods
And I am planning to create one more 'Javascript God'

For giving me 'wealth' , satisfaction, purpose and meaning in life

😁 Holy JS 😁

JetBrains Fleet sucks!

It's absolutely gorgeous but it sucks, technically. I mean did nobody try to edit a YAML file with 2 spaces indent in there during development??

I wasn't even able to open a fucking project with it one time. And why in gods name does it go full macos with it's design?

Loving their IDEs, but da fuck's going on with this?

I wonder how many electrons have dedicated part of their existence so I can watch cat videos on YouTube...

1 year into the project, spending nights fixing issues, but
today the client realises that things aren’t working out and we need to stop the project. 🙃
Does money, hard work and time grow on trees for you? NO CLIENTS ARE NOT GODS. They’re cuckoo.

Well, I am not sure whether this is supposed to be about worst experience as a reviewER or a reviewEE so I'ma do both. First as a reviewer.

So, on my first project in this company, I introduced automated build scripting (read: suggested, was "volunteered" to do it, then had to bust my ads to get it done). Prior to this, our process was run the thing in Visual Studio a bunch of times (don't ask) and package the resulting files. Well, new requirements made this not sustainable.

So after many many meetings in which I assured my co-workers that the script wouldn't cock up and go sideways and format our server (HOW???) and showed them how to work it AND added all the features they requested. I finally send the script out for code review. Oh the joy. Questions like: "why did you implement this?" Came from the guy who told me to implement it. "Can you change the formatting?" I checked and no. "Why isn't this to the code standard?" Because the code standard doesn't include scripting languages.

And here is the piece that takes the whole piss soaked shitsicle pie "I don't understand why we're doing this in the first place. We have a build process already, why do we need a new one?" FUCKING REALLY?!?!? YOU WERE IN THE GODS DAMNED MEETING WHERE WE DECIDED TO DO THIS!!! SET OUT THE REQUIREMENTS!!! LITERALLY EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS SCRIPT YOU WERE THERE AND YOU'RE ASKING WHY WE'RE DOING IT NOW!?!?! Fucking hell. I forced it through anyway because I had the higher ups all signed off on it, but seriously. Just because we're doing something new that slightly inconveniences you, doesn't mean it doesn't need to be done. Stop being afraid of change.

Side note: these people actually would regularly hold up process and product improvement because change is scary.

When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...

uh-oh, I've made the amazonian gods mad by activating my vpn on my phone at the wrong time at the wrong place. (please don't send delivery drones nuking me)

I thought my alexa routines and other things vanished because of an update of sorts, but it was because it switched to another vpn region, so I've setup the same stuff again only to get like two reminders at the same time they used to be, guess I now have to either stick to the region or deactivate vpn, remove the old reminders and go back lol

There are two types of contractors/consultants:

1. Hypercompetent
2. Completely inept

Unfortunately I have the displeasure of working with several of the second kind on my team right now. However, there are also several on my team of the first variety who are absolute gods at what they do.

At least it balances out!

Tested site with 🌘Chrome, 🌋Firefox and 🌐Safari, so far so good.. 👌
Time to pray to Microsoft gods before testing with ☠️IE11 & Edge

Any ideas on handling large file uploads using PHP efficiently?

To quote Terry Pratchett in Small Gods: "It's indoor work with no heavy lifting. Do you really want to be a ploughman like your father?"

!rant

One forgets so quickly how a bad internet connection feels like.

God I think I cant bear this 1mbit, 500ms ping shit connection. Feels like 2002 all over again.
Please dear internet gods, send help!!!

!!THE WORLD IS COMING APART!!

How in gods name did Putty manage to map a SSH tunnel to port 83306 and MySQL Workbench just didn't care and worked?!?!

IT people stereotypes:

young gods = „I know that already for ages. Those senior folks are way too pessimistic and too theoretical.
Give me shell.. wait.. Call me h4ck0r g0d now because I use kali linux.“
("no, you did not learn anything")

senior slow-moes = „could you please retry your last sentence? I just opened my wordpad“
("triple-facepalm")

sales-Sebastian = „Sure we can do that. By intention our solution offers only graphQL access because our design goal is minimalism and simplicity“
(no, your solution is piece of sh*t).

Framework-Fred = „let’s stick to togaf. Please use these terms from the glossary of following data management framework. You can reach me via ITIL process xy“

Nearshore-Naan-Ganjid = „I can program in HTML“
("program")

Feel free to extend

"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita

I have been blessed by the devRant gods

Four hours of work and the work horse decides to have a heart attack.

Thank the server gods for swap files.

15 years back when I was in my highschool I was taught HTML. I created a 3x3 table of images with border without using any CSS while other kids were looking around confused what to do. Opened the same in IE and felt I was a professional web developer. Simpler times!

The correct amount of applied test time is often subjective. My theory to objectify is this.

Plug a tester into the mains supply.
Turn the juice on.
When his screams reach a certain pitch, you objectively know QA is done.

Thoughts?

JEZUZ CHRIST FOR GODS SAKE MOFO FRAMEWORK DEVELOPERS ... if you've built an awesome framework once, you have ONLY ONE JOB: maintain it - keep it up to date with fucking browser changes and fix security holes. Changing the core concepts every major is not part of this. If you got visions, start a new one ffs, become a mofo prophet one OR BURN IN HELL POWERED BY THE REMAINS OF YOUR ANCESTORS FFS!

I am SO FUCKING SICK of having .Net runtime arguments. Change the fucking targeted framework. Because it isn't us driving the fucking change. It's the gods damned contractor that you gods damned make us interface with that you won't gods damned rein in. You are going to have to fucking do it anyway you blithering, gibbering suck buckets.

On my last deployment for the musician client I encountered a really nasty bug.

I configured all the settings in my Nginx. Theoretically everything should work, but it did not. Somehow I always ended up landing on my default Nginx page.

After hours of trying to find the typo, turning it off and on again and praying to all gods I ever heard of, I finally analysed my default Nginx config file. Somehow the server config I posted on the clients conf-file got posted beneath the default configs. WTF?

After deleting those everything worked. 🙄

Drink redbull