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Me and my wife are software engineers
Started dating while doing a project together
I guess you could say that we...
MERGED WITHOUT CONFLICTS21 -
Food arrives, boss grabs his food.
Boss: ahhhh finally! *looks lovingly at food* you won't hear me for the next 15 minutes 😍 *starts eating*
Me: well that was about fucking time.
Boss: 😐😶
Other engineers: 😂 *trying to keep food in*4 -
Today at work, still laugh thinking back to it!
We were on lunch break but the linux support engineers who are on the phones as well have to pick up calls anyways (very small team).
*engineer walks to the table, sits down: Ahhh rest, finally!*
*tringggggggggg*
*engineer pulls a face like 'oh for fucks sake' and walks back to his desk*
*puts headphones on and clicks the answer button just as it disappears*
"really!?! Alright lets finally eat now"
*sits for literally one second*
*tringgggggggggg*
*Engineer seems quite pissed off now. walks to his desk again, puts on headset, clicks the answer button JUST as the call stops again*
"Mother of god, fucking really?"
*stays as his desk for a minute or so, walks back, stays hovering above his chair for a little and finally sits down again*
"Finall......"
*TRINGGGGGGGGGGGG*
"MOTHERFUCKER. THESE GUYS TIME IT OR SOMETHING!?!?"
*walks back to his desk very frustrated this time*
*puts on headphones very quickly and presses the answer button*
*answer works but the call is literally dropped the second he starts it (it was a real client)*
"OH FOR FUCKS FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING SAKE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"
*walks back to table again and sits down. Takes sandwich and....*
*TRINGGGGGGGGGG MOTHERFUCKER*
"FUCKING COCKSUKING MOTHERFUCKING PIECES OF WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK EVER"
*gives a deadly look to another engineer: "I am NOT going to take it this time! En-fucking-joy."*
We laughed so hard xD15 -
#wannaCry :
*US engineers trying to find antivirus.
*Europe engineers finding preventing tools
*Meanwhile Indian engineers already updated their resume with " Worked/Implemented anitvirus for wannyCry"
Meanwhile. .
Indian HR consultants asking for minimum 5 years experience in handling "wannacry"6 -
"Engineers don't memorize documentation. They know how to use it."
Programming felt insurmountable to me before I started with it. This phrase blew my mind and changed my approach entirely.3 -
How you can make the perfect clickbait that will even bring highly intellectual software engineers to click on your things?
It is very easy you only have t... [read more]9 -
Can I get a ++ from all the lady developers on this app or from anyone who supports women in STEM? Signed, a fellow female engineer
36 -
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the universe is winning."
-Rick Cook2 -
We have a couple of magazines on the lunch table at work.
There was a paper cloth covering one magazine and one of the Linux engineers lifted it up. This is how it went:
LE: (Linux Engineer) hmm what's under here...? *picks up the cloth*
*a windows magazine appears*
LE: (while putting the cloth back) ew windows, let's keep you hidden!
*other engineers laughing*15 -
One of the linux engineers gets up with: 'I'm sorry, I just pushed a windows server sale to the sales guy :/'
Linux engineer 1: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE D:
Linux engineer 2: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT @_@
Linux engineer 3: Why the FUCK would we want to manage yet another piece of problems?!
Engineer who said it: 'But it's still a sale guys....'
All engineers: THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE O_o
😆35 -
Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
- The Dilbert Principle (1996)1 -
Instead of splitting up engineers by team, they should start by splitting up those who prefer the lights on, and those who want them off.
Then we can all be happy.7 -
That moment at work when we've had no calls for an hour and suddenly the phone goes off
*TRINGGGGGGGG*
*suddenly you have a few Linux support engineers with a mini heart attack*
😅7 -
HR made a day long inclusiveness meeting. About why there are so few women in the department. Basically the conclusion the HR rep was looking for was “toxic masculinity” and it was super uncomfortable.
The engineering teams couldn’t actually participate much because most of them worked on teams without any women and have absolutely nothing to do with hiring. The male engineers were trying to play along and give the right answers. We had to do flip charts and beak into teams and etc.
The HR kept singling out the same three women in engineering and telling the men to “shut up and listen to them”. The female engineers were like, “i don’t know. I don’t have much to say about it.” The HR rep continued to drill those three women to the point that it was uncomfortable.
The engineering hiring manager lost it before noon. He went to his desk and grabbed a stack of resumes. “You gave me a stack of 60 resumes. Looking at names only four applicants are female. Those applicants don’t have education or experience for engineering. If you want more female engineers in the office you have to put qualified applicants into the stack. Forcing these three engineers to talk in front of our department over and over and saying the men have to shut up is not making the workplace less toxic.” Then he told the three engineers, “This meeting is now optional for you three and you are welcome to do anything you want with your time.”
After lunch, all the female engineers went back to their desk and worked. The HR continued to shame the men in an angrier tone for the rest of the day telling everyone “how men can be” from personal experience because they were the ones now representing all women.
Eight bloody hours of that.131 -
Greatest bit of advice I ever received going into programming: "Engineers are people who look both ways at a one way intersection"6
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Servers down.....
Everyone : Best day ever. 😎 Screw you guys , I'm going home.
Network Engineers : 😭😲😰2 -
6 engineers in the team, 6 of us using a different IDE/editor.
Everyone except me is wrong, amirite? :P6 -
Everyone should learn to code" is a movement to flood the market with Software Engineers so that salaries can be reduced.
Conspiracy theory that I just read on reddit and sounds about right.
Would you feel the same?12 -
#wannaCry Ransomware:
US engineers trying to find antivirus
Europe engineers finding preventing tools
meanwhile...
Indian engineers already updated their resume with " Worked/Implemented fix for wannaCry ransomware"
Meanwhile...
Indian HR consultants asking for minimum 5 years experience in handling "wannacry"
And meanwhile....
in Hyderabad Ameerpet - people might be seeing banners of training institutes mentioning that they have trainers available with 10 years of industry experience on this.😜😜😝😝6 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.2
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Slowly working it up now, actually.
An annually updated, unbiased, multiple source application that engineers can use to check salary offers vs their skills, to make sure they don't get shortchanged. Intended to work for the entire planet (that we have data for).18 -
software engineers be like “i don’t read books” then proceed to read api documentation for 4 hours straight8
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!Rant
Everyone says that programmers, engineers, etc are boring and don't know how to have fun, they don't go out, etc.
Well, I just lost my glasses last night cuz I was drunk as shit lol.9 -
Been assigned to the team by management.
Management and I both know team members are junior/early-medium levels.
Management expects outcome.
After few weeks I clearly communicated that these engineers are unreliable. I can grow and coach them, but outcomes can't be guaranteed.
I was told it's my responsibility to deliver outcome anyway.
I was told they know it's unfair - but if whole team fails, it's on me to fix everything.
And most importantly: of course IT IS NOT MANAGEMENT FAULT OF ASSEMBLING TEAM OF WEAK ENGINEERS.
... placing me there should fix it "somehow"6 -
My university has a course "Higher Programming Languages for Engineers".
The language you actually learn there?
Fortran 90.
Technically they are right and Fortran continues to have quite an importance in the field of numeric simulations, but still. The name is pretty misleading.4 -
one of our engineers accidentally deleted our production database and our clients didn't even notice. that's when we knew they are not using our product.2
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Yes, that’s an M2 drive plugged in via usb 2.0. I dunno, maybe when you just need size over anything else maybe that’s ok but wasting all that work that ssd engineers put into making m2 drives so fast just feels stupid.
24 -
So apparently I've reached the shameful age where friends of my aunt think it's legit to try and set me up with guys. Criteria so far: guys from the same institute I graduated.
Are you trying to genetically engineer a race of engineers?!14 -
1. Aim is to complete work as soon as possible and not worrying about good coding practices.
2. Senior Engineers take credits for everything that Junior Engineers work on. And that Junior Engineers are just shadows
3. Credits? Team lead and senior engineers take. Complains/issues/delay in product delivery? Junior Engineers are blamed
4. Testing? Test cases? What are they? Why do we need them? That's what my team lead asked.
5. Take work without even knowing what it is or what is to be done and then just keep carry forwarding it.
6. Junior engineer dares to point out any mistake, he/she is very rude and is taunted forever
And many more.....5 -
I dont know if I should hate it or love it that I had to teach "certified microsoft engineers" about how Exchange works.14
-
*phone dings*
Manager: Please share the timelines for feature X
Me: *swiping away the Teams notification* Please get a life and stop texting your engineers at 9 PM5 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
P.S. happy chrismahannukwanzika!!1 -
Okay.
- insurance asking for residence contract
- residence asking for insurance and student proof
- university asking for residence and insurance
All hail French administration!4 -
“One of the biggest mistakes engineers make is spending time on optimising something (a component) that shouldn’t exist in the first place” - Elon
I’ve been guilty of this a few times 😅2 -
On reccomendation of @chabad360 I made this its own rant.
I switched from marketing to CS (complete with a three year degree, no Bootcamp). I still went to interviews as you'd expect a marketing man to go; in a suit. Commence the weirdest interview.
$I: interviewer
$M: Me
I: "You're not the typical engineer. Can you talk to real engineers?"
M: "could you elaborate"
I:"you're dressed in a suit. That leads me to think you're a MS user. Do you think you could talk to real, ie. Linux using engineers?"
M: " well, I haven't used windows in about a year soo..
I: "Mac isn't Linux."
M: "I'm aware. I've switched to Ubuntu so I could use KVM-QEMU android emulator with GPU pass through to train Deep Convolution Networks on mobile devices. Also had to compile Google's internal build tool because it had bugs I had to fix so I could compile the APK."
I: "ah, Ubuntu eh? **Insert Smirk** How about a follow-up?"
M: "no, I'm switching to Gentoo this week and would like to talk to real engineers about that."
I thanked him for the coffee and left.1 -
I've had two DevOps engineers ask me how I deploy new pipelines so quickly.
I show them how I automate the automation.2 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-
Six people(4 engineers, 2 managers) in the room, it took fucking 45 mins for daily scrum/standup meeting. Seriously, why do you want talk about every line you wrote?
I excused myself after 35 mins.7 -
!rant have you ever wondered which bits are on in 0xdeadbeef ? I made this tool so electronic engineers can easily find out. https://hook.io/timlyrics/bitex/
15 -
3 hours of "I don't have access to that router" and waiting for someone who does have access to join the line. And then they don't have access, etc..
I love networking, hate working with network engineers. -
+ Death of Wix and WordPress (hopefully)
+ Abandonment of Java
- Bajillion JavaScript frameworks
- Software engineers trying to automate everything
+ Cloud blockchain AI containers that mine bitcoin with machine learning technology in high demand2 -
I am amazed how specific everyone is being about security vulnerabilities at their employers. Hopefully no one social engineers what company you work at.2
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Which type of dev are you?
1. I exercise/ workout regularly :)
2. I want to. But I ain't got no time for that :|
3. I don't believe in that shit :(
PS: I see some sw engineers in my gym.54 -
Infra engineers should be war veterans
I literally spent 4-5 days on CI, DevOps and Intune
The worst part is you don't even know what will happen until the CI runs
4 -
Client: *uses Oracle on AWS RDS*
Ora: *licence about to expire*
Client: we need a cheaper and equally performant solution.
AWS: we have an outstanding Aurora db! Its performance is flawless!
Client: shut_up_and_take_my_money.png
Engineers: *migrating to Aurora mysql*
Engineers: fine-tuning the db for 2 months, adapting app code.
Aurora: *shits its pants during test ramp-up, delivers ~70% of Ora perf*
==========
Client: we need to do better!
AWS: try Aurora Postgresql!
Engineers: *migrating to Aurora postgresql*
Engineers: fine-tuning the db for 1 month.
Aurora: *shits its pants during test ramp-up, delivers ~40% of Ora perf*
AWS: let me see...
AWS DBAs: *fine-tuning the db for another 2 months*
Aurora: *survives ramp-up, delivers ~70% Ora perf*
AWS DBAs: your application is wrong.
We: Ora didn't complain about that...
AWS DBAs: umm.. Err.. Then your load test is wrong
We: ora wasn't complaining about that either...
AWS DBAs: errr.. Ummm.. Oh, I've got it! Your queries aren't optimized!
We: we cannot change queried - they are hardcoded by our framework's vendor
AWS DBAs: well there you go! Your queries aren't optimized! It's your fault, not aurora's
yyeeahhhh... Riight...
From my xp, aws support and aws engineers ALWAYS try to put the blame on a client. Always. Even when they're obviously wrong.15 -
FOR FUCKS SAKE
I got rejected from 2 places I had applied to
ALSO, WHY THE FUCK EVERYBODY WANTS ONLY SENIOR SECURITY ENGINEERS
please notice us who need a entry level job as well7 -
I feel like a lot of people in Dev Rant are web developers. There's nothing wrong with that but sometimes I feel disconnected from all of you. Where my Firmware Engineers at? 🤓7
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Interviewer: “I agree, companies should stop calling people devops engineers, devops is a culture”
Me: “I’m glad you see it that way too”
*weeks later*
Interviewer, now new boss: “and this is our DevOps Engineer, Jeff”
Me: 🤨2 -
If your parents are Software Engineers, and you still want to be a Software Engineer. Chances are you are adopted.
-
Exhibit B of Google's inability to code:
One of the most starred Android repositories on Github adds rounded corners to ImageView. That's it.
Sometimes you really wonder what Google's engineers are doing :P
3 -
Can we just give a round of applause to the brilliant recruiters that decided to add Microsoft Word as a requirement.
You know...to weed out all the computer illiterate software engineers......7 -
Now I know why our Australian trained junior "Software Engineers" are so dumb. According to academics, "...students in postgraduate IT courses were unsure how to use a computer or a USB drive."
Source:
https://abc.net.au/news/2019-05-06/...10 -
Software engineers: "Maths is hard and scary!"
Also software engineers: "I've learnt to write a balanced binary search tree in c++ as interview prep!"
Mathematicians: "Have you guys heard of an AVL tree?"20 -
I want a developer job so baaaddd :( !!! My city sucks for technology jobs. And the few jobs open want 50+ years of experience 😫9
-
everybody in tech who got laid off: "remember your employment is just a business decision"
yeah, no shit
though you all were smart engineers3 -
When your coworker quits and the CTO (in an attempt to smooth things over) tells you (an engineer) "Don't sweat it, Engineers are replaceable."2
-
A company in Switzerland keep re-posting job openings for "ninja software engineers" on the university board. Maybe I should slide in with my black pyjamas and a katana and see If I make the cut?
1 -
PSA to all non-software engineers:
Hacker instanceof SoftwareEngineer && !(SoftwareEngineer instanceof Hacker)
Please, next time I say I am a software engineer, do not assume I can magically hack the FBI nor can I get those nude pics off your friend's phone.3 -
Guys!!!! (And Girls) There's a real life version of Pied Piper being developed by Dropbox engineers! www.openh264.org2
-
If doctors were like software engineers, they would say things like "Have you tried killing yourself and letting yourself be reborn?"2
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Just my luck.
I was supposed to sign a new contract last week and get paid 2x more than now + get a lot of benefits. The day before, obviously, they just HAD to stop signing contracts with new people because of COVID.
Also my engineers exam is postponed indefinitely. They are thinking about making it online, which would be awesome, but again - it was supposed to be last week. A lot of stress and time wasted.
I know, those problems are really miniscule when compared to other, but it still is annoying as fuck.
Thank for listening to my Ted talk.7 -
LinkedIn shows that I’m a web developer, using mainly laravel, twig, less, JavaScript, etc.
Recruiters: are you interested in a java function? Possibly .net? We’re also looking for network engineers...6 -
Sooo electrician charging $750 on the low end to drill a hole and run a cable. Total time: 1 hour.
Tell me engineers aren't massively underpaid.16 -
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-
When you hear the data engineers talk about ambari, storm, sqoop, kafka & phoenix and you are not sure if they are talking about frameworks or pokemons..
2 -
1. When i was 11 years old i came across a trojan horse program and i sent it to all my school friends to get their messenger password.
(I had a list of passwords of all the people in my class... dont worry, i didnt even used the passwords, i just stored them in my list lol)
2. Took data structures 10 years later, hated it and switched to electrical eng
3. I was working on a manufacturing plant as the lead engineer and one of my prototypes was misbehaving and i was blaming software and software was blaming me...typical stuff... So i said "im going to get a masters is software so i can know wtf you are talking about, and tell you that you are wrong😠!!"
Got in school, started in the masters and quit that place i was working for 🤣.. (they were shitty people and unethical business... fyi)
Now im back to where i was was when i was 11... (minus the hacking email accounts of my classmates)4 -
I feel like only software engineers and IT can answer 2 part questions. Everyone else just answers the first one...
-
Passed a code test for once and invited to interview with engineers.
I’m nervous yet proud. Any tips? It’s the first time I’ve reached this point5 -
Four and half months,
Hundreds of hundreds PRs and one additional product cluster
By 6 Engineers..
To 500+ micro services
Which has no timezone or currency context,
Created by 250+ engineers,
To launch in a new country...
It didn't make me happy.
But the feedback from customers and drivers is priceless and #heartwhelming14 -
So this is what 'It care, engineers' of gov. health insurance replies when they're being notified about deprecated function i.e. window.showModal() is in production
2 -
For skilled mid-career engineers, dynamic programming problems, np-complete bar raisers.
For new engineers, simple questions that can't be taught in school (questions that require business prioritization)
For older engineers, questions they haven't done since college (big-O, writing algorithms from memory)12 -
Tomorrow's my first day as an SRE intern.. wish me luck fellow devs and engineers :)
More DevOps rants coming in the future with my best mate @tahnik who is also starting his software engineering internship on the same day coincidentally in a different company2 -
I love calling (or mailing) helpdesk "engineers" about issues. Clearly something that explicitly has been mentioned to not be the issue is the issue, amirite? 🤪
Engineers my ass 😑4 -
Cafted by the top engineers. Made from Swiss. Sophisticated, colorful.
Breadboard...
The art of breadboard.
It is a... working.... timepiece.
6 -
I think at Apple they only hire software engineers that only worked with Apple computers before and therefore have no idea what good software is, turning their product with each hiring round into an ever larger layered vicious circle of shit better known as macOS.16
-
It's unbelievable how many senior software engineers there are with 2-3 years experience within the industry... damn boy, you just became intermediate, if you're still not a junior8
-
See? And you were worried it would take our jobs away from us. It's still got a lot to learn!
I mean, you, developers, are fucked. It's us, Performance Engineers, whose asses are safe
15 -
#Ransomware :US engineers trying to find antivirus, Europe engineers finding preventing tools, meanwhile Indian engineers already updated their resume with " Worked/Implemented anitvirus for ransomware"
Meanwhile. . Indian HR consultants asking for minimum 5 years experience in handling "ransomware"3 -
CTO/CEO (previous place) - we're not production engineers, so we're going to fork your code base and move way faster than all of you and then you can maintain it. Doesn't that sound inspiring?
25% of the company: ha... Here's our 2 week notice.2 -
Hey Lemonade is looking for 10x engineers! Please apply only if you write code that has at least 7 layers of abstraction. Thanks!
🤣
https://makers.lemonade.com/recipe/...8 -
I started learning Rust and now I know the answer to the question "What would a programming language look like if the engineers were tasked with designing a bad programming language on purpose"16
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Project name - "JIRA 2.0"
Description - JIRA seems to not be informing people in our company about much of anything right now. Engineers don't know how to find anything. PMs don't know when things are shipping.
Me: JIRA, you had 1 job!
1 -
It's weird how these "senior engineers" bash on other people's code while they themselves are still stuck coding in 2007 and refuse anything new or different. "Software Engineer" has become a laughing stock that I don't want to associate myself with the title anymore. Instead of engineers, I'd call those seniors "software tools" (also human "tools" for that matter).10
-
So my company is using the cheapest software products out there; to save money of course. Naturally you pay what you get for, aka shitty products. I wonder how much money we waste by demotivated engineers using this Scheisse!4
-
If Uncle Bob Martin took all software engineers who are better in designing architecture than him, he could fully book Hilbert's hotel.1
-
It is so comforting when senior senior senior engineers also tell you they have no idea why a fucking test spec occasionally fails. Literally, the spec is fine and all but sometimes, it just decides to say fuck off.3
-
Ok, let's see if this works. https://quora.com/What-kind-of-jobs...
A great article to inspire those who want to be type 2. Never give up.3 -
When you decide to take a brake from coding and open reddit to laugh a little, then suddenly your adderall kicks in along with your 3rd cup of coffee and then realize 4 hours have gone by and you have not done shit but laugh at memes.... 🤦🏼♀️
4 -
i hate people who join the company with a engineering in computer science degree and then can't even setup freaking java on their system.
like that is one of the basic languages taught to programmers, how do you graduate CS yet not know how to setup java!!!!!
this idiot today tired setting up eclipse without java and got errors and comes to me saying your files are corrupt.... i ask what happens and he shows me a error message box saying cannot find java paths... and then says i keep getting this error!!!
like freaking read the damn error and fix it. you're an engineering graduate for gods sake!!!!10 -
Browser are so bloated. Why does it use so much memory?
*Closes 62 tab*
Seriously why?! Damn you modern software engineers for making everything so bloated.6 -
I remember when this person I worked for suggested all the engineers get on a day long call with the product owner pointing out problems and the engineers fixing them on the call. It was absolute chaos when i told my team 😂
Has anyone else ever encountered such??4 -
Maybe it's just cause I fucking hate the elitism in the engineering college and every engineer I've met, but why do devs want to be called engineers? I'm a programmer, a developer, a coder, fucking anything rather than an engineer.
I associate that word with know-nothing "book-smart" fuckwads who think they're better than everyone, even someone doing the same thing without their useless degree.7 -
Software Engineer
Nerdious Geekius
The elusive Software Engineer is a nocturnal creature, rarely found at their desks before 10 or 11 in the morning, but often staying late into the night. They dislike being interrupted while at work, and it theorized that their penchant for twilight hours is an evolutionary adaptation to reduce breaks in their trance like state of coding.
Not surprisingly, Software Engineers are solitary creatures, except for occasional gatherings called "code reviews". In these gatherings, engineers gently pace around a clearing, sizing up each others work. Although occasional battles will erupt, they mostly end without injury and the engineer will retreat to their desk and continue to hibernate.
Fun Fact: Software Engineers have been know to kill each other in brutal fights over identation styles -
Your company bio says:
"We are a global network of elite, independent software engineers and digital designers"
And then you go ask a native iOS developer if he's interested in an EmberJs role ..... not very fucking elite apparently4 -
Engineers are the most abused workforce in the entire country.
Also, CTOs are generally dumb. Yet to meet a good one.10 -
I just had to explain a friend of mine, an "engineering" student, how to copy and paste text in MS Word over the phone for half an hour. It's 12:30 in the night and I am frustrated as fuck9
-
My company just hired an older coworker that uses a flip phone 😳
Idk wether to be concerned or scared ..... 😩15 -
Phonies: "By doing X for Y number of years and reading things such as blah blah blah"
Kings/Queens, silverback devs, rockstar engineers: "I never got good." -
Is it highly likely that, those at high position of management are more greedy of money and posses less ethics and values, than those who actually build the company ie engineers ?
I had seen, it's always the top management who get away from mistakes/ issues but generally it's those who develop the company at core i.e. engineers again, are sidelined or considered responsible for the mistake, when management don't know a shit about anything, or sometimes engineers just follow what management says and management fucks their asses wide even if the management did something wrong.
Who do you think actually build companies/product. Engineers or management or marketers/sales people, who eats fat cheques ??
I remember from silicon valley, when hooli reverse engineered Richards idea and developed their own prototype named Nucleus. Pushed their engineers to beat pipe Piper and when their product turns out to be awfully terrible and extremely fucked like a burned dick with broken balls, they just fired their entire nucleus division5 -
When starting a new project full of challenges, do not go to your technicians right away; go to your artists first - they will know what to do. Then go to your engineers - because they will figure out how to do it.4
-
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof software, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
Source: Can't remember -
this year, for the first year ever, computer science majors were invited to the engineering banquet1
-
I have played different roles on different companies and all my mother says to people is that I 'work with computers', same for friends that work on manufacturing or as sales engineers. It really pissed me off.
1 -
Most of the CS engineers don't make it to developers for their server fails in the "internship" beta testing phase :P
-
Talking to a vendor in China to source some hardware modules. The engineers don't speak any English, and the sales rep doesn't know a serial port from a monkey's ass. Shortest game of Chinese whispers 😥4
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Not really a programming rant but, I'm pretty sure VW engineers and developers purposely do this:
breakImportantCarPart(mileage, importantCarParts){
if(!underWarranty) {
importantCarParts[rand(0,importantCarParts.length]);
} else {
//do nothing
}
}2 -
What if there was like a 1-2 day workshop that helped recruiters be more technically fluent? Like the basics of software development (not programming, but concepts and what engineers really do)?6
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Today is the birthday of Sir M. Visvesvaraya, one of the greatest engineers of all time. In India, we celebrate his birthday as Engineers' day. Happy Engineers' day to all engineers here!1
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So I was just sitting around writing some php, and was wondering, if there has been a study detailing the suicide rates of engineers and what languages they were primarily writing in?3
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Saw the Tesla self-driving capabilities? When Elon said he was looking for rockstar software engineers, he wasn't kidding.4
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I feel i need to be specialized in something coz everyone can code now... like u have machine learning engineers and devops/cybersecurity but im not really into either. What other sub fields are there?4
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So in my org, as far as I can see, senior engineers and normal engineers do about the same amount of work, and the senior engineer is useful at PBRs for bringing up tech points that other engineers might not know about due to lack of experience. Is this a common thing across the whole software business? In terms of responsibilities, I’m seeing pretty much the same amount, don’t wanna sound arrogant here but we never task work etc based on seniority which I like but just want to know if it’s common6
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Sick of fucking working with 'engineers' who cannot see that the piece of shit application that they have written is not 'done' until it has been tested. No it is not production fucking ready you fucking yes man.
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Seriously though, since so many devs I know rant about their QA / test engineers, what would your ideal Test engineer look like?!
I mean sometimes I feel like devs expect test engineers to write them their unit tests too...4 -
Sr Engineers that want other to just do what they say with no context or explanation
You are probably right but just explain why!3 -
What do they teach software engineers these days? How to be arrogant? If I were present when Mrs. Junior was writing this I would put her out of her misery and send her to clean toilets at McDonald's
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What do Software Engineers think of Capitalism ? Do you see yourselves just as “white collar” workers and code monkeys to be exploited ? Or do you see yourselves as harbingers of change towards a more knowledge based economy ?9
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I love the fact that a lot of people here work as engineers contributing to moving the technical world forward. Yet there's so many posts where people are posting pictures of something on their screen.3
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Ideally, there would be 3 engineers and 2 sales people. The engineers would pair with the sales folks on calls to figure out what customers need and hire designers to design just want needs to be built. Everyone would be responsible, not over commit, not oversell, and figure out creative ways to make the company money and achieve technological superiority.
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Google is now hiring L4 engineers at only 2 years of experience and giving the same package? What's happening?3
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I am trying to get my company to support Linux (Fedora) for engineers. Currently we support Windows and Mac. Does any of you have some good reasons for my case to make my argument for the business perspective?22
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If multiple engineers say something about their system design that is so stupid it cant possibly be true, it's gotta be. Holy eff it is.
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1 CEO, 3 CTO and 2 Polytechnicien (French engineers from a big French school)
They all deserved that their project called "life" were cancelled. It's a clear and indisputable failure! -
Is there such a thing as a front-end developer or are we all becoming either UX engineers or JavaScript developers?
An interesting article from Chris Coyier made me think.
https://css-tricks.com/the-great-di...2 -
Any programmers/software engineers/developers here that studied I.T. or Computer Engineering instead of CS in college?6
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Make good connections with the engineers in the company. Persuade them to refer you for the job, if you're lucky you get to skip the interview.
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Earning your place in the CAB meetings with all the senior engineers feels like your balls are always on the table and them with baseball bats.
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Spiders; the only web developers that love finding bugs.
Thinking of creating something using the "spider" concept, for developers and software engineers. Maybe it'll replace GitHub in our lives, maybe.
And yes, I'm a bit drunk.1 -
My dad didn't actually know what it was I did. He wanted to get me into hardware and network security type things. Basically the kind of things network engineers or systems admins do. I am still not sure he knows what I actually do.3
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How to eliminate programmers burnout? I know that I'm still raw and I have more to learn but I just want to know from our dearest and craziest programmers/engineers/developers out here.
Cool to have this platform. Thanks creators!13 -
So, I am fresh CS grad working at his first dev job at a pretty small startup (less than 20 people).
The Engineering team has 7 people and it's relatively flat.
At times, the senior engineers in my team, have 1:1's with the CEO and (what I feel is) some decisions are taken according to that meeting.
I feel kind of uncomfortable about this secrecy etc. even though I know that at least right now I am not experienced enough to be a "decision-maker".
Is this normal? Idk if this is how politics in the workplace happens.. looking for advice on what I should do regarding this..
Also, it doesn't help that I am literally the only Software Engineer (all other Engineers are Senior Software Engineers or CTO) so there is this generational gap which has limited my ability to "really connect" with anyone on the team.4 -
I know Dubai is a shithole for workers for low-skilled jobs or if you are not rich brown. Can anyone confirm if it is a shithole for software engineers, leaving the tax-free perk?
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One of the guys were tasked to implement a button with a functionality.
When I clicked the button, I got an error. Asked the guy why, and he said that fixing the functionality was not part of the task. What? So basically he just put a nice little button that does nothing? And our team lead just approved his merge request?!
I can't comprehend this logic at all.
Another story, I overheard a different guy debugging a pointer array (C++) with a senior. I couldn't keep my face straight when he seems to struggle to dereference a pointer and iterating through an array. He can't do that and he calls himself a mid-level engineer?!
The more I stay in this company, the more I realize that many people in my teams are clowns.4 -
Real question, not troll. There is debate about it and I really can't figure it out.
Besides having the title software "engineer," is there really such a thing as a software engineer?
In the US, to be an engineer you have to be regularly tested by a regulated governing body, apprentice under another engineer for years, and be certified on a state level. Whereupon you are personally liable for your designs being FREE from errors.
For one thing, nobody can write bug free code, and the idea of being personally responsible for each bug is terrifying.
And two, I've seen news of people calling themselves software engineers in the USA and Canada and getting a cease and desist or sued for it, despite any level of qualification.
I'm sure there are engineers, especially electrical, computer engineers who also program.
But... ?
I don't know, I can't say either way.
That's why I'm asking.9 -
Soo question for the few embedded engineers on here. Do you guys use microchip’s, or NXP’s SDK for the hardware drivers? Or do you read the ref manual and build the HAL and PAL drivers per the need of the project for less code bloat and saving code space.
I and my coworkers always end up writing the drivers ourselves , so we have a better understanding of the specific hardware of the chip. Just trying to see if We’re the majority or the minority of embedded engineers.
Not really sure how many embedded folks are even on here.
And no not talking about RasPie, and arduino folks (no offense)8 -
Working on implementing a new networking layer for business security requirements...but the requirements were talked about in backdoor "special" meetings; "lowly" implementation engineers aren't allowed in. God knows the engineers implementing the solution don't need to know requirements for what they are implementing 🙃
"Just encrypt everything!"
Oh sure let me just pull out my magic button 🤬2 -
Trying to convince my boss to use Space Engineers as a teaching tool for our junior developers to learn better C# coding.
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Wishing Happy Engineers day to all those idiotic-not-so-good-engineers working at Microsoft. Windows 10 is still the biggest horse-shit you'll ever see for an operating system.5
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Throughout my career I worked with quite some awesome engineers. However, only very few of them also do engineering as a hobby. (The shitty engineers obviously don't do it, otherwise they wouldn't be shitty.) Just thinking.5
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WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT.
In my opinion, companies attention to detail is one of the main things that I use to determine how good they are and if I should use them. This kind of thing where the FUCKING ENGINEERS IGNORE THE ISSUE AND REFUSED TO FIX IT is what really pisses me off. At least companies like apple ship working products while Microsoft is sitting here on their asses trying to make the most money with minimal effort by screwing over their users and repurposing their Windows phone OS for use on laptops. Read: http://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/...4 -
An open science. Or is there already one? I want to make it mainstream. I want collaboration for scientists, researchers and engineers. The right mix of stackoverflow and collaborizm.
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How do I become a consultant? Do I need to master some programming languages and programming patterns and get "know-how" beyond of the general population of software engineers?10
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that moment when your internal repos are managed in composer and you have the `require` block set, but some fuckwit decided not to define their git remotes in the repositories, because 'thry are used only in applications where all required components are set'... Fuck your fucking fuck of a brain you fuck turd...
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Here's one for the data scientists and ML Engineers.
Someone set a literal date feature (not month, not season, but date) as a categorical feature... as a string type 🥺
I don't trust this model will perform for long2 -
DoorDash wants its non-driver staff to dogfood the product.
lol. ok.
https://sfgate.com/tech/article/...20 -
When the guy with 30 years experience calls the new engineers interns and gets smacked with the same title he has.
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Have any developer here ever gone on strike?
I've been at my company for two years, and know engineers that have been here for 3 years that have never got a single salary raise. A lot of the engineers are afraid to step up to management because of their visas literally being in the company's hands (lucky I'm not one of them).
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of my company playing ring around the rosy with raises and treating engineers like we're not human. Treating us just as cash cows. Yes, it's a business, but if sales, data science, and PMs can be treated with respect, we should as well.9 -
Rant! The reason. Software engineers have to take test just to get a job. Is cause there are to many hacks out there.
Me. Did you read the schematic did you see the gpio that enables the JTAG needs to be asserted to debug.
THING 1: What's JTAG debugging
THING 2: No just debug using the software.
Me: enable the JTAG or it won't work
Face palm I am so tired of helping people. We just hired who where supposedly real engineers
In every other profession there are standards. You don't see any self taught surgeons.13 -
Women, software engineers make good boyfriends.
Why?
We're not scared of committing. We do it everyday at work. :P16 -
ML engineers can't write production level scalable code. They're always boasting about the accuracy of their solution. Some can't even tell the difference between a GET and POST request. AND ITS SO HARD to get them to admit they're wrong. 🙄13
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Football/futbol/soccer analogy:
Frontend engineers are like strikers - you see their work, good and bad, and you don’t notice how many contribute to their success. Backend engineers are like goalies - you only really notice when they do a _bad_ job and don’t see how many things contribute to their failure.5 -
TSA questions for screening software engineers: Sunday an engineer from Nigeria got screened on if they were really a coder with googled questions like "write a function to check if a Binary Search Tree is balanced." What questions should they really be asking?7
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“Google has fired one of its engineers who said the company's artificial intelligence system has feelings.
Last month, Blake Lemoine went public with his theory that Google's language technology is sentient and should therefore have its "wants" respected.”
What the hell lol24 -
Coworker was on cppcon (hope it's the name) and apparently Visual Studio debugger is gonna have "step back" ability !
Holy proper shit, I'd love to be among the engineers behind this, awesome1 -
I'm overhearing two engineers agree that integration tests are enough and unit tests with mock data are unnecessary while the project has problems figuring out what components are critically misbehaving.
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Why is it that software engineers seem to get so little respect?
This does not apply to everyone but I have experienced this.13 -
To those working in the US as software engineers, is it worth it? Would you recommend it ? If not, why ? And did you live all your life in the US or are you coming from somewhere else ?2
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Do you have a programmers union in your country?
In my country we have a general union for all different kinds of jobs and a engineers union. Maybe if developers had a dev union there would perhaps be less bs11 -
Engineers realize paying it forward is just as important to career progression than glamorous features completed1
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Not really gonna go away but software engineers needed for something will decrease due to ease of development in coming years probably2
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I really hate how steep the learning curve is for testing. I've been writing the same test for a week for a 150 line directive, and it's driving me fucking nuts. Nothing makes sense. No one in the office to help me. Only 10% of engineers here write any tests. I don't know what to do. Overnight they made it a rule that if you want to move up to the next level for software engineers, 80% of your code needs to have unit test coverage. It's just bullshit.3
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Might be a little bit naive but software engineers have so much power over the society. What is gonna happen if we turn everything off until we get what we want?5
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I've noticed from the many pics of workspaces that software guys tend to be neat, tidy and ordered. The mechanical design engineers at work are messy
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Any automation engineers that use selenium + Python have any good suggestions on testing, resources or advice?2
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@dfox thought you might be interested in a glimpse of how fb optimize their news feed ;) https://developers.facebook.com/vid...
P.S. I'm not complaining that the current one is bad1 -
TCS really needs to focus on quality over quantity. What a piece of shit. I pity the employees ( calling them engineers would be a disrespect to engineering ) working there.5
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So this software student is wondering if the masters on this app know about a good project during summer that I could collaborate virtually and get some experience?
I am interested in app development, web dev, really like SQL too, but any other subject would do.
Sorry if this question was asked before but I cant seem to find one, and I dont know when to even start.
No internships where i live :/4 -
Something I hate is that I do not have friends who are also software engineers. I have friends who do cybersec and IT but none that develop software. I have nobody to share programming memes with or to share interesting projects I found
What about the other software engineers at my work? They are the type that are not passionate about computers and programming like I am. Unfortunately for me, they are just there to collect a paycheck
This makes me sad and frustrated because it makes me feel alone3 -
Quest.com APM software. Foglight. Terrible support site, terrible product, everything is terrible. Support engineers that still need to be explained the difference between disk space and inodes....
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Is it just me that would prefer to work with Senior Engineers rather than mid level engineers?
Some mid level engineers are just pain in the ass. This one guy insist on getting perfection in all of the requirements. The problem is that if you work with software/lib for so long, you realize that most if not all software are buggy or have limitations.You can't expect everything to be perfect. Sometimes something just works/don't work and nobody knows why. Need lots of shortcuts/hacks just to make it work. I would say that 80% completion is good enough, especially since we're running out of time and manpower.
I noticed that Senior Engineers tend to be less strict. If it works then it's good enough, if we found some bugs later then we'll fix it. I like this practicality so we can tackle more important issues at hand.
I hope that I don't have to work in the same project with this guy again.2 -
I'm about to give a presentation to IBM engineers on a subject I don't really know much about and for which I haven't practice
It's going to be a nice day3 -
A giant Workshop where engineers build robot models, doctors (in computer in, obviously) create concepts and direction line for the A.I when programmers effectively program it. Like à facture of robots bu with just innovation and not money in mind
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What do you think makes someone a senior software engineer? What qualities make them stand out from mid-level engineers?17
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Teaching junior engineers that main.c is not mandatory for a C program is really touch thanks to their academic knowledge.3
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Happy Engineers' Day to all engineers here!
Sir M. Visvesvaraya, one of the greatest engineers of all time, was born this day in 1861. His contributions to the society through engineering is priceless. We celebrate his birthday as engineers' day here in India. -
gitlab if i put you in side to side diff mode, but its a new file or only additions, just be in line
pls , i know u got the money and smart engineers to do this -
Like probably many engineers; I work with a lot of Indians from different companies. I realized the big majority of them don't turn on their cameras in online meetings. Does anyone know why?14
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==rant
Cleaning up others mess is not a responsibility stated in the job descriptions of software engineers but they end up doing it every other day!2 -
So leadership comes and goes but engineers remain, stuck repeating the same tasks over and over. Companies seem to forget their own experiments. How can we force that info to get retained between PMs and leadership?2
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Engineering days: Wasting the entire semester and studying a few days before exams
Post Engineering days: Wasting the entire day and working just a few hours before the shift ends
Happy Engineers Day everyone😄 -
Almost everything worthwhile has a significant amount of discomfort associated with it. We feel discomfort when we work hard on worthwhile things and when we grow as partners, engineers, team members and human beings.1
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Was playing Alchemy 2 and tried to merge Engineer and life but it didn't allowed. Looks like even in game engineers are not allowed to have a life. :(
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