Maybe I could get better bug reports from clients if I made them use this.

I wonder if it has Jira integration.

Hey everyone - tonight we performed a database upgrade and unfortunately there were a few "surprise" breaking changes to the query language we use that weren't caught during testing. Once they were discovered after the upgrade. The queries were corrected within a few minutes. You might have noticed some issues with commenting, voting, etc.

On this note, please let me know if you notice anything suspicious like errors when trying to perform normal actions, or anything at all. I appreciate any reports since it's a bit tricky for us to cover every last part of the app alone, though I think we went through most of it. Thanks and please let me know if you have any questions!

This is the first time an IDE has apologized to me.
PS: Dev notes, crash reports etc are excluded. This is the IDE saying sorry I can't do it, no matter what.

"Welcome to everybody's favorite show: Did It Break!?!"

"Here's our first contestant, Alex Brooklyn!"

* Audience claps *

''Tell us Alex, what command did you use?!"

ls -la

"And did it break production?!"

Not yet..., the website is still up, even checked without cache and on a different network, I haven't had any calls in half an hour and Sentry reports nothing

"Great to hear! On to round 2!"

Those massive privacy leaks we call error reports...

That mind fuck movement....
When your IDE reports you error on line 235.

And you find out line 235 is actually a comment. FUCK!!!!

Meeting with commercial, wish me luck

Me, doing QA

PM: "stop submitting bug reports about screen size, we're only supporting one resolution for now"

Me: *What do you mean you're only supporting one resolution it's a website and it breaks on screens <1400 px tall*
*Sigh*
"okay, what resolution?"

PM: "No one knows"

Me: *dies*

PM: Hey. I need this data right away so I can generate some reports!

/me runs some queries, creates some csv files, emails results

PM: Thanks! I'll look at this after I get back from vacation!

!dev
Last week I watched a DIY video where at the end the guy dumped detergent water on the grass. I kindly commented it's a €150 fine. Their response was on the lines of "Oh yeah, Mr Proper? And what would you say if I told you I spray my whole garden with soap to get rid of weeds, huh?".

Well, you dumb fuck, I don't care what you do, I wasn't attacking you, I was being *nice* and warned you about the fucking fine that you're going to fucking pay because your channel name is your first and last name and your video shows the street and the house number but whatever.

Today I couldn't log into my YouTube account. Why was that, you might ask? Well, because the dumb fuck paid the fucking fine and assumed I was the one that ratted, so he made a video about it and his dumb fuck audience falsely reported all of my videos for child abuse and promoting terrorism.

I only upload unboxing videos that debunk scummy "deals". 🤦‍♂️

Man do I love receiving bug reports and comments in Turkish, Russian, Portuguese or Iranian. I should really just start replying to those in Polish.

I added a humorous pinned post saying “By the way, I can only reply to you either in English, Polish or Dutch :)” to the program where I receive such reports.
I am aware it won’t do jackshit, because people can’t read.

Kurwa.

Dev: Hey, I need you to see something.
Client: ok
Dev: this is the models of those reports you need
Client: ok, wait, what is that number? This is wrong, we can't...
Dev: hey, calm down, this is not the production, it's just fake database!
Client: ah, ok.
(5 minutes of explantion)
Dev: so, what do you think?
Client: just one point, that data is very very wrong, we need to change this ASAP!

I have been told that post lockdown, I must commute hours each day to the office in London. This really makes sense, considering that my reports are not in London, but based in India. The product owner is in India. My line manager and his manager are in the USA. There's no one in London I work with.

I've been fairly lucky with my bosses of late since I've progressed in my programming career. But my absolute worst boss was when I first started working in an office environment doing data entry. My boss at the time was terrible, and she was always against innovation or process improvement. She also always tried to make herself look good and taking credit for the accomplishments of others. If she screwed up it was your fault, and she was "always buried in email" so she could never respond to you for pto requests, or escalation of issues between departments. My whole family pretty much worked in various roles in the department and she fired my brother after my mother left the company for no reason, saying he was "sleeping", but I worked right next to him and he's tall and had to slouch just to comfortable see his computer screen since the same manager refused to approve work station improvements for him.

Our workflow was to receive daily spreadsheets of health care claims that we had to manually process and enter into the system. So being the lazy innovator that I am, and trying to find ways I can efficiently work, I delved into studying visual basic and programmed a few functions and tools in excel to analyze, highlight, and process some of the data since the claims on the spreadsheets always had a specific pattern. This was all before I had any formal education in computer science so the program was very basic and clunky but it tripled my efficiency. When I brought it up to my boss to spread it among the rest of our team so they could use it after a short 20 minute training, she struck it down saying any training or use of it would be a waste of resources since it was too technical and complex to be used and if I were to keep improving it or use it I would be fired. It was literally copy and paste from one spreadsheet to the other en masse and clicking a button to sort and fill in the blanks. Eventually I showed it to the director of the department when working on a large data entry project with her, and I was later offered a job as a technical analyst where I was responsible for the codebase that generated the reports for the department and specifically all the reports my old boss used where I would occasionally mess with her to get back at all the crap she gave me and my brother. Since all the reports were blind carbon copied to everyone, I would send out her reports on a delay while everyone else got them on time. It eventually got her in so much crap she had to step down as a manager. She still works in the same company that I started working at again earlier this year, and like the many careers she's ruined she eventually ruined her own within the company 😂

Fucking URLs, people.
They're not hard.

If you're going to give me a bug report, TELL ME THE GODDAMN URL.

If, after yelling at you several times for not providing the url, you instead just fucking GUESS at the url, YOU'RE A GODDAMN BLITHERING IDIOT AND YOU'RE WASTING MY GODDAMN TIME.

ALT+D, CTRL+C or CMD+L, CMD+C

SO HARD. ASDFASDJGHLKASDHFLJKSGDFSKDF

rant

When you start a new project.
You create a new directory.
You start the IDE and create a new application project.
You type just 5 lines of code for testing it.
Then you compile and run.
Nothing happens...
You abort and retry.
Nothing happens...
Half a minute later a window pops up and Norton reports you that an executable has been removed because its suspicious and has a lack of reputation!!!

When u start getting bug reports from IE6 users..

that moment when the user reports a bug that's actually intended behavior

I've fixed all the bugs in the issue tracker that are "fun to solve". What remains are vague reports of unexpected behavior.

Today is going to be tough 😫

It's 21:42. I had 1 month to write a report on my internship. Day after tomorrow is submission. I'm starting now.

I deleted Facebook Inc.'s products long time ago, deleted YouTube app, removed Quora account, put filters on suggestions for Stack Exchange networks, blocked Reddit, stopped Spotify, started Trello/Wunderlist/Evernote to organise thoughts, ForestApp and StayFocusd for controlled browsing, deleted Tumblr etc. All this just to focus on the report and get it done as soon as possible.

Now I FOUND devRant! What the fuck world! Why!? I'm now ranting about issue on devRant with this rant. <- this sentence is a meta, if you didn't realise.

Fighting against management is my daily struggle.
I reject the notion that more management, meetings and reports makes me work faster.
Want it done in time?
Stop wasting my time and interrupting me when I'm deep in complex thought. Let me do what's necessary and put in the hours if I have the energy and time.
But you damn better pay me for it.
I do not care for your praise, when I make the impossible happen time and again in days that would take months.
I expect your praise in the form of higher numbers going into my account.

So we got this bug report today. This guy's my hero. If more people wrote bug reports like this, they would see faster results.

When a client reports a css bug in IE11 or Edge, I seriously doubt his/her sanity. For fucks sake it's 2018, please let IE go...

Setup Slack integration with SQL Server to feed realtime reports to channels....the company estimated this would take 1 week, I did it in 1 hour. Boom. Suck it.

Boss:"Build templates that convert our 1000+ pages built for desktop, into responsive ones that work on large screen and phones. "

Finished...Run the company's code scanner and it reports violations of development rules (which was expected)

I go to request exemptions....

"Oh, no you can't use JavaScript or CSS that uses position."

I just got four CSV reports sent to me by our audit team, one of them zipped because it was too large to attach to email.

I open the three smaller ones and it turns out they copied all the (comma separated) data into the first column of an Excel document.

It gets better.

I unzip the "big" one. It's just a shortcut to the report, on a network share I don't have access to.

They zipped a shortcut.

Sigh. This'll be a fun exchange.

In the spirit of true randomness, I like to speculate about aliens. What’s your favorite theory about them? Anything’s fair game: whether they actually exist, methods of propulsion, origins, exobiology, exopolitics, eyewitness reports by credible reporters (pilots, military, air traffic controllers, high-profile political leaders, etc.) whether abductions are real and, if so, why they do it, etc. If you’ve had an encounter, I’d love to hear about it.

Work at a media company that reports political news. The government tries to block, launch DDoS attacks, and send a group of thugs to protest outside the office. How to migrate to Canada again?

I finally slept through the night. I have so many reports to do, and so many follow ups, but I got more than 3 hours of sleep.

Hey Root, we have a high priority ticket for you! It's adding some columns to a report. Should be simple. Details are in the ticket.

First: reports are some of the most boring, drool-inducing drudgery i have ever worked on.

Second: Specs for these reports are a nightmare since everything is ... very indirectly tested, and the specs are everywhere but where you'd expect them to be, so it's a lot of spelunking and trial/error. It's also slow as beans.

Anyway. The ticket's details are in ... not the worst engrish i've ever seen, but it's bad enough that i have no idea what they're asking despite (thus far) five attempts at deciphering it. There's also a numbered list of "fields" to add, so you'd think it would be straightforward. It is not. Half the list is crossed out, and half of the remaining items are feature requests (in yet more engrish), not columns to add. Also, one of the actual fields is impossible as the data it's asking for is not recorded anywhere.

yeah...

I cringe every time I see this person's name as the reporter because it's always the same. and honestly, there are more of these engrish people every month, and believe me: it isn't just a language barrier...

Me: reports vulnerability that can be used to steal thousands of dollars from a company.

Stingy company: gives me 66 USD voucher as a reward. :)

Setup my port honeypot today finally, including port 22, then wrote a custom dashboard for some data tracking, feels great to have it open on my screen seeing the bans just roll in every 2 seconds of refresh, the highest hits are as expected from china, russia and india, also filed ~700 reports and already got 300 banned from their service. (mainly Microsoft Azure for whatever reason)

I wanted to first automate that (or atleast blacklist report to various IP lists via API), but then I was afraid that I'll be one day stupid enough to somehow get banned - don't want myself to get reported lol

Linkedin search reports started to look interesting 😂

You know when somebody complains about a bug in your software at a meeting to everybody, you go to their office, find out that the bug is actually an user problem, and then on the next meeting, when asked about the bug the person reports "we fixed it" and you correct them, explaining in detail how there was nothing to fix because the problem was completely user driven?
I love these moments

!rant

boombodies here. Just wanted to thank this community for being there over the last year. This place has been an absolute haven that has welcomed my frustrations with open arms. As much as I love to bitch, it has been an absolute privilege working in this profession. After spending my 20s in a completely different field host to a vastly different set of values, learning to dev and continuing to hone my skills finally feels like home. And by home, I mean like hearth-coaxed sweat dripping from the balls of a blacksmith and the cocoa at the cottage in the middle of nowhere patiently waiting for his return. I wish each and everyone of you a treacherous and catastrophically dreadful 2023…A burden in which you all bear successfully, and emerge greater and grander than ever.

Actually can you action that by EOD instead? I already promised it to the client.

How to comply with GDPR on any website and web application:
- download the law and store it in some folder
- if you have money, pay a lawyer and a security consultant to write something about GDPR. Download reports and papers and store it in some folder
- Don't touch your code, nor your database nor your infrastructure. If you don't have anything encrypted, leave it like that.
- Write somewhere a popup that says: "we are fully compliant with GDPR". If you have still money left you can also buy such a popup.
- DONE.

Have you ever checked your Teams logs??!
It even logs mouse/keyboard and window activity...

And reports it to your employer with fucking colorfull dashboards. Fuck them...

When you develop and test your (Android) app on lower end devices, thinking that if it works on low end devices, it will work on higher end devices too.
And you get crash reports from the higher end (huh! Flagship grade) devices only.

Guy: "We need you to update a few applications so we can get some new data. We have very important reports we need out of it!"

Me: "OK how soon do you need it?"

Guy: "Two days!! So we can start putting in the data then will have you create the reports."

...two days later...(in the spongebob narrator voice)

Me: " OK its done. Go in add the data you need then let me know so I can generate the reports."

....4 weeks later...still haven't heard from them and they haven't put in the data. Glad it was soooo important that I had to drop everything else to put in the updates that haven't been used.

Freelance project I was working on was deployed. Without my knowledge. At 11pm. Their in-house "tech guy" thought that the preview build i gave them was good enough for deployment. Massive bug, broke their api endpoints.
Got a call at 2 in the morning,asking for a fix. I told them how it was their fault and the App they deployed had TESTING written right on the main screen.
They promised additional payment to get me to fix it asap.
Went through the commit history (thank goodness their tech guy knew git, fuck him for committing on production though) and the crash reports.
Removed three lines. All became right with the world again. 😎

SOO.
I work at a grocery store, right. Cashier and all ya know, livin the dream. And whoever manages our product database. Needs to get thekr stuff together. We managed to confirm the DB isn't the same across the the registers. So now I have a bunch of stupid pictures of barcodes in my phone so I can make error reports for each and every single item that doesn't ring up. I know not ready dev related. But a dev somewhere is slacking

Accountant: Can we just get one big Excel file with all the transactions instead of separate reports that are filled out specifically for each dorm?

Me: Hell yes you can.

Is prompt engineering going to be the next "big thing"?

Very related fun fact: SQL was meant for business people so they can quickly generate reports w/out needing to rely on programmers. (When was the last time your CEO did a DB query on prod I wonder?!)

This is fucking bad. I just stumbled across a database online, unencrypted plain text containing ALL details of thousands of students at my university. Full names, ID number (SSN), student numbers, address, family info, medical aid info, physical fitness reports

What do I do? I was not on any VPN or proxy when I accessed it

"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
~Javascript

So this one made me create an account on here...

At work, there's a feature of our application that allows the user to design something (keeping it vague on purpose) and to request a 3D render of their creation.

Working with dynamically positioned objects, textures and such, errors are bound to happen. That's why we implemented a bug report feature.

We have a small team tasked with monitoring the bug reports and taking action upon it, either by fixing a 3D scene, or raising the issue to the dev team.

The other day, a member of that team told me (since I'm part of the dev team) he had received a complain that the image a user received was empty. Strange, we didn't update the code in a while.

So I check the server, all the docker containers are running fine, the code is fine, no errors anywhere.

Then, as I'm scratching my head, that guy comes back to me and says "I don't know if it can help you, but it's been doing it for a week and a half now".

"And we're only hearing about it now?!", I replied.

"Well, I have bug reports going back to the 15th, but we haven't been checking the reports for a while now since everything was fine", he says as if it was actually a normal thing to say.

"How can you know everything is fine if you're not looking at the thing that says if there's an issue?!", I replied with a face filled with despair.

"Well we didn't receive any new reports in a while, so we just stopped looking. And now the report tool window is actually closed on my machine", he says with a smile and a little laugh in his tone.

In the end, I got to fix the server issue quite easily. But still, the feature wasn't working for 1.5 weeks and more that 330 images weren't sent properly...

So yeah, Doctor, the patient's heart is beating again! Let's unplug the monitor, it should be fine.

Welcome to my little piece of hell :)

Ticket user story:
“Brown Chicken Report A and B do not include rows for Blue Chickens. I want to see Blue Chickens in both Brown Chicken reports.”

Ticket summary:
“Currently, the Brown Chickens reports mentioned above do not accurately report Blue Chickens. The columns P and Q are incorrect and need to be updated. See below:

<Copy/pasted table from All Animals Report showing a White Chicken>”

———

Are you okay? Do you have brain damage?

(Also: Blue Chickens are not supported and do not exist)

7 calls today, and still have my reports from yesterday and my recap due tomorrow to present to management.

This is dumb. I'm so annoyed I've just accepted it and am considering it just a part of life.

When you gotta take longer screenshots 😂

Time tracking. 😡🤮 If I’m salaried and only working on one project for one client, why the hell should I waste my time making weekly reports of how many hours I spent coding, reviewing pull requests, and sitting in (mostly pointless) meetings?

The application has a system for sending reports and errors.
Client: "I have a problem with the app, I can not log in (android phone)"
I check the logs: "sent from iPhone"

(the person has no other account and registered telephone)

My new motherboard (MSI Z170 GAMING AC) reports temps for the memory, CPU, GPU and hard drive in °C. And the motherboard temp in °F.
Almost had a fucking heart attack the first time I opened Speccy for benchmarking.

Looking at bug reports releasing the first version to testers.

I just LMFAO(ed..?) at myself so hard.....

Messing around with all the option in the Android Emulator's "Extended Controls" window, and I was playing with the battery level slider.. got a little carried away, and suddenly my emulator just shut down.. by itself!

🤔

It took me way longer than it should've to realise what happened. But yeah, that's what Android does when your fucking battery reports 0%.

🤣🤣🤣🤦

I think I must stop working now, this day is done with me.

I have previously mentioned my weird co-worker. He likes to come up behind people and shoulder surf, asking "whatcha up to, buddy?".

He also thinks he's a manager, which explains a lot I guess. I half expect him to walk around with an " Initech" mug saying "Yeah....if you could just have those TPS reports done by lunch, that would be greaaat".

YOU ARE NOT MANAGEMENT. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT I SPECIALIZE IN. GO FIX A PRINTER, GAH DAMMIT.

...and he mumbles.

I'm not perfect though, so I'm sure I have weird quirks about me.

PHP is the Fidel Castro of programming languages; after all Castro outlived five US presidents who ordered his assassination. And of course, like reports of Mark Twain’s death being exaggerated, it’s patently absurd to call a language that powers 80% of the web dead.

So these motherfuckers... they have stored the queries to generate the reports... fucking guess where. Just guess.

They stored the queries AS FUCKING STRING DATA IN THE TABLE. And you know how they get the parameters? A FUCKING JOIN WHERE THEY HAVE STORED THE PARAMS AS DATA IN ANOTHER TABLE.

So you query set the params to query to get the query to get that is joined with a query to get the reports.

If God is a programmer after all y’all are fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked

I get frustrated when I get reports from the support team/clients

"[insert application name here] is not working"

thats all no information on which module or segment ... 😭😭

then I just waste time getting all the information ...

spent 8 months building and customizing a vtiger database for work. tons of fun got it to a point where I have saved a ton of time for all the people that use the program. boss wants to have reports out of it each morning, so I showed him how to run reports and adjust entries. he didn't like the formatting of the report. so I set up the report to export to excel and took another 2 hours building a macro that formats the way he likes and prints the report for him. he used to take a month filling out paper work to get a report, now all he has to do is open a favorite on his web browser, make 3 clicks Then open an excel and type ctrl+r and it's done. he tells me it seems too complicated and is considering going back to the paper method...so frustrating.

Some people in my company wants reports in excel but doesn't know how to use filter. Their daily job requires them to have excel knowledge. What the fuck is happening over here. Motherfuck!

Project Leader is explaining to teammate how their UI will call my API and it'll run asynchronously in the background. UI guy asks: about error handling? I said the callback listener will be notified if anything goes wrong. I ask the PL, what next? just log and forget about it (that's my sarcasm)? How would anyone know this has failed?

PL says: good point and can worry about this later. Lets first focus on getting things to work.

You know later never comes. Well, except when the customer reports a problem. Its like every disaster movie you've ever seen before

This is random stuff.
I wonder what would happen if an innocent new user unknowingly reports a rant written by @dfox or by @trogus themselves.🤔
Maybe a beautiful post or maybe a nice email like
"Dear @... you might not have realized but @trogus and @dfox are the creators of devRant"

The first program that was used at a company.

I wrote it on suggestion of my father to help with simplifying calculations for rental machines at his work and once finished it reduced time from start to finished report from 2-3 days down to 30 minutes, and corrections could be done in minutes instead of starting all over.

It also featured saving and loading old reports.

And for context, this was 1987 and excel did not exist and existing spreadsheets was not nearly as easy to use.

Programmers nowadays have to...
… write 100%-covering unit tests;
… set up continuous integration, linters, hinters, style checkers, …;
… follow style guides for every language;
… meet impossible deadlines;
… meet impossible management/customer/end user expectations;
… read through terrible code others made;
… read through terrible documentation others made;
… make terrible documentation themselves;
… fight with the IDE;
… fight with the build tools;
… deal with unreproducible crash reports coming in from everywhere;
… debug code written at 2am (by themselves AND others);
…
…
…
… KNOW HOW TO PROGRAM.

Business Intelligence, the most confused market technology has to offer. (Perhaps rivaled only by machine licking. Learning, whatever)

Step 1: develop a product that can replace a company's database guys. Make it cost more than the database guys.

Step 2: Show off product to managers using images of the product that the managers will love, but never have the skills to do themselves.

Step 3: Fucking obviously the managers buy it.

Step 4: Fire half the database staff.

Step 5: Managers give the BI tools to their remaining database guys ANYWAYS and instruct them to use it

Step 6: Database guys spend a month learning the new tool because management "wants to use it too".

Step 7: Database guys now use this new system for reports but have trouble using it for complex use cases, as it was designed for simple use cases. Meanwhile, management will never, ever touch the tool again.

Step 8: Hire new guys for reporting, because the remaining database guys can't complete both their normal tasks *and* the reports.

Step 9: Database guys are expensive. Go to step 1.

A long time ago in an office far away, my cube mate and one of my reports got into a fist fight. My cube mate got fired over that. Messed up everyone’s entire week.

A couple months later, 9/11 happened and we all had to evacuate the city.

Day 5, saga of fighting crystal reports and Oracle drivers: I have finally lost the rest of the hair on the top of my head, and fear my beard may be thinning. My rubber duck seems to be suffering from a personality disorder... things aren't looking good.

During an internship, I spent some time automating reports with VBA. Basically, imagine a few big excel sheets with 1000 formulas and a few thousand lines of VBA.
One of the reports was handed directly to the bosses boss of our boss. After 4 weeks, he came to me and asked why the table entry in row 23 or so was always 84. Well.. I dont know. This data is automatically calculated / retrieved from a database. Went and checked, already sweating, and found that
THE OTHER INTERN COULDNT FIX A FORMULA SO HE OVERRODE IT WITH PLAIN TEXT. WITH A FUCKING PLAIN VALUE OF 84. A FOOKING EXCEL SHEET WITH A THOUSAND DIFFERENT FORMULAS AND LOTS OF VBA. Needless to say, everything is password protected now.

When you dev in Chrome and the UI looks perfect, but the client reports a style issue in IE/Firefox and you are forced to use the dev tools in these browsers to try to solve the issue. I need another coffee

As a junior dev I'm really frustrated at work today. My boss wanted us to complete a project within 3 weeks. The project includes a multi-tenant hotel system that includes reservation, invoicing, advanced reports, housekeeping system and an API. I'm starting to feel something about myself, I have no progress. I'm so slow. I love what I'm doing but maybe this is too much.

ps. we're a team of 2

Don't you just love it when a customer reports a bug in their live system and it's really urgent to correct it; then you go out of your way to fix it ASAP and deploy it to the staging system for them to verify. Three weeks later the customer has still not tested the bugfix...

that moment when the client reports a bug on the website, and you ask if they cleared the cache, but you fix the bug in the meantime...

*Reports bug on Firefox (bugzilla) 3 months ago*
*spend a lot of time being clear and descriptive as possible*
*gets literally no attention*
*someone else reports the exact same bug 5 days ago but with a picture and less words*
*everyone responds*
*mfw I didn’t know you could add pictures 😑*
*my bug gets closed for being a duplicate even though it’s the original*

Fuck you cunts

One manager I had kept asking for pointless redundant data being captured and added to the UI.

For example there was a date completed already.

"You need to add a check box to show that it's completed."

"Can't you just look to see if it has a completed date?"

"No, I want both."

Ended up with an app with over complicated UI and inconsistent reports.

Prick.

When test team reports a bug that has been happening for at least a year and all of a sudden can't deploy until it's fixed. 😳

Hit an issue in a dependency of the node library I use, there's been many issue reports on it since october last year and multiple recently (12 days and 4 days ago) - the fix was a one-liner.

All you had to do was check for null in line 17, because in line 9 it gets defaulted to null, but then attempts to null.fetch() in line 21.

Fascinating.

Product Owner keeps demanding developers do items outside of Sprint, deleted story points to get extra items in, signs off holiday for my staff, even hired some unqualified developers, etc. for my team (I'm the Dev Manager). I'm blessed to report into the PMO who backs up the Product Owner, in front my own reports, meaning I have no authority. What would you do?

PMO has decided that if we drag items from Sprint to Backlog when they reach SIT, we have more space for Dev items in the Sprint :-| Though he expects developers to actually do the SIT work, including writing the SIT tests :-|

I just wanted to check on my bug reports :'-(

(Btw I'm just checking them on MY account page)

just had to jump through ALL THE HOOPS to get a kid some help in Canada from the US. I can't believe the bullshit involved in reporting child abuse when the victim's in another country... why is there no standard for that? Why does Canada have IP and phone number filters for reporting abuse? Long-distance abuse reports do happen, it's not unheard of at all, so why the fuck would you actively prevent that?

That moment after you finish coding a site and the client comes back with a request for weekly analytics reports, on top of all the data from GA, New Relic, etc... in Excel documents. O_O

When you give your team and the client a month+ to test the app and get no feedback, then all of a sudden once it's live in the app store you get an email filled with bug reports....

Were you guys not testing it at all?!

😡🤦‍♂️

Yesterday one of our clients gave us the OK to launch their annual financial reports, 4 minutes before stock market closed and most of us was heading home.
Problem was we didn't have the proper access to their servers, so I and a senior consultant just spent a few hours calling our client and their IT infrastructure provider.

6 hours later, a large bill from the IT provider for after hours work, the job was done. A job that would take 5 minutes of uploading and 5 minutes of database transfer.

I was eating my oats happily when, suddenly, Boss called because clients complained data duplication in reports, and asked why I removed DISTINCT in the query. So, I stopped eating and obliged to answer the call because I so loved my work :) <3

How is it my fault now, when the QA just told me to make the data transparent and to not display them distinctly by name?

What's the use of implementing JIRA when you'll still demand sending daily reports with time duration for every task?!

Friend of mine had a perfect day today:

It's 3am, you're coding hard, can't even see properly, but you know only a two or three proper lines and you are finished. A few minutes later you set your pc to hibernate because you can't go further and go to sleep.

In the morning/noon you log in, see only a mess. Half of the new variables are probably obfuscated or in some alien language because you can't read that shit and a cherry on the top - 1/4 of a _big_ test suite reports errors. What a lovely day.

It's 2016, and I'm fighting with a version of Crystal Reports that was developed for VS2005. My employer claims we're on the cutting edge... I WANT A NEW JOB.

How are people writing documents/reports? Markdown/Latex in your fav editor and export to PDF? Word? Pages? Libre Office?

I use Markdown, via VSCode, Bear, iA Writer, Marked and then push to PDF. If I have to, then export to DOCX.

Before 2012, I always worked in cubicles and had weekly status meetings. In 2012 I moved to a big city and learnt there was something worse than cubes: the open work plan. Marketed as a way to increase coloration, the open work space is really just the result of real estate prices being expensive in cities and how desks are cheaper than 3-cube walls.

Up until 2013, we'd usually just have the weekly status meeting. Here are your tasks for the week. I'd do them at my own pace. Some days fast, some days slow, but they'd all get done by the end of the week and I'd proudly go down my list of stuff I had done.

Since then, it's all been "agile" and "stand-ups" every. fucking. day. The work is endless. A Product Owner once told me that stand ups weren't suppose to be status meetings; that you were only suppose to say if you're blocked or need help. But in every place I've worked at, they're daily status reports. You have to preform every day.

I really hate IT today more than ever. I miss the cube. I miss the weekly status reports. Today things are so high stress and higher paced and the work is endless. You can't even really pace yourself anymore.

So today I lost around two hours because I solved a bug before trying to reproduce it 👏👏👏
The client reports the bug, I open up VS and already go to the source file that might be affecting it, see a variable assignment that was just outside of the If statement it was supposed to be in, and after that I try to reproduce the error.
Guys, please, be smarter than me next time.

I think the -f flag in apt-get means "fucking install it". Whenever apt reports some dependency error shit, I'll just do "apt-get install -f" and it magically fucking works.

Happy Story,

Today I got a slack message from someone saying that she now reports to me. I had a big grin on my face. I have just been working at this company for 4 months. I hope I do well.

A user calls me an hour after I'm supposed to have logged off.
"Hey, ahh, like, something is not good with, like, some thing"
Oh, snap! What happened?
"There is, like, this report, and it's, like, not right?"
Oh, the report is showing wrong data? Let me try to get a fresh version and...
"No, like,the data is right, but, like, there is many reports and , like, should be only one?"
Oh, you mean the report consolidation feature? It should only happen if the reports are fully compatible, and since it's automatic if the reports are not already grouped it means that they cannot be grouped. Probably due to this shopping season, we've seen a high uptick in demand.
"But, like, it should be, like, one! If not I will have to type in each report, like, by hand! I usually talk to this guy XYZ and he, like, does something that I, like, have no idea what it is. Can you call him up?"
(The dude the user mentioned logged off hours ago, and is in a different timezone. It's now about 11PM for him.)
It might not be possible. The system should add observations to each report it cannot consolidate. What do those say?
(the user takes two seconds to respond. I don't think they checked anything)
"It doesn't say anything. Can you cal XYZ, please?"
...

Shit, why do people wait until the last few hours of the last day of the month to do something that should have been done days ago and then demand that everybody everywhere just adjust to their late-ass schedule?
And then to demand I wake up a hardworking dev because someone is to lazy to use the system as it was custom designed for them? Because it had no problems but just wasn't making all things easy?

That's why users have to pay - they don't pay us to code, they pay us to put up with their bullshit.

Since we announced our product yesterday, the bots have started emailing our fuckin support system (which automatically ends up in our Jira Service Desk).

Pound salt you halfwit marketing fucks, you're cluttering our bug reports

If you ask me to run your reports, saying that it's urgent, then leave for a week's vacation, I will throttle your bandwidth to that of a 1200 baud modem for the next 3 months.

Weekly status reports. BITCH, I'M TOO BUSY WORKING TO TELL YOU WHAT I DID THIS WEEK.

Mine are also almost always the same:
"fixed broken thing"
"worked on reports for broken thing"
"helped new teammates fix broken thing"
ISSUES REQUIRING ATTENTION:
"my connection is still shit, like i warned would happen before I moved"
"need workstation already connected to network to reduce connection problems"

These don't help the people who need to be micromanaged, and they just piss off those of us who don't.

I'm a .Net developer from Morocco, i'm currently working on an accounting software for this fucking company owned by an American boss. And i'm handling every single aspect of the project including the back-end (C#), Database (Sql Server), Reports (crystal reports, ABAP, VSTO), and design (UI, logos, animation...). For a salary of 300 USD/month, with no insurance, no transportation fees, and no fuck given about my health or my coworkers'. Not mentioning the shitty working hours and condition.
This is my first (job)

Considering Taylor Swift's history with Apple – including Apple Music and having a programming language named after her – it'd be far more efficient to file bug reports with her rather than on Radar.

I don't know why is that everytime you guys find a security bug or a data leak or that someone is saving plain passwords on their database, you try to cover and censor the company name. Listen people, fuck the company and their name and their brand if someone's data might be in danger. Everybody should be aware of what is happening with their personal information.

Also, maybe would be great if devRant would let users to post anonymous rants for this kind of issues or a special thread with latest news about our online security.

Last sprint is a mess.

Working on three products that are related one with another a little bit.

1. Bug reports are coming in;
2. We fix it and give for QA to test;
3. QA starts testing and it doesn’t work;
4. Because another team updated something in product A and product B depends on it.

Repeat for straight 14 days

Deleting my failed CI email reports, because I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

It's not every day that a client reports his Website as completely down. But when they do, it's always just as I was walking out the door...

So the company decided to go agile. I am now a scrum master. And we have the local product owners and all. They made us do daily stand-ups.

I don't know what is a scrum master. Nobody knows what the hell is a stand-up. It seems to be an akward 30 minutes every day, when local product owner asks questions and demands status reports.

I did some googling and it seems that the scrum master is supposed to just support the team and solve problems. In our version the scrum master finds out the system architecture and requirements, fills the backlog, does the system design and reports to the project manager(s). Also reports to the clients about the general project status in an executive meetings. I also do the sprint planning, in which we fit the vague features that we are told into time tables with ready told dates.

Oh yeah, the team is just 2 guys. One of them is me. And the other guy relies completely on me to daily tell what to do, review the work and also answer all the project and company level questions that pop into his mind. He gets angry if he doesn't receive ready-thought solutions to all problems, since "you're the boss and it's your job to tell us what to do".

This is going to be a great year.

A coworker asked me about a specific tool because he "had heard" that I had some experience with it, whether that tool would allow a certain use case, and whether there was some documentation.

Wait, in which project was that? None of mine anyway, hmmm... ah that one, from a few years ago. Who wrote the reports back then? Can you guess?

THAT MODDAFOKKA!

Boss needs certain stats pulled from database once a year for board meeting. This time I delegate it to a junior dba/sysadmin. He looks at my 3-year-old docs that I hastily jotted down and pasted and included my rambling notes with results from way back then. Mostly they were just to jog my own memory, not to be a really neat, clean instruction guide. He does the queries correctly, but in ticket for boss he pastes also all my notes from the docs. boss gets confused, "what is this other number, I don't get it?!" We have to have a meeting of the 3 of us and waste an hour or so just to figure out what went wrong, finally I realize what junior guy accidentally did. Moral of story: to avoid baffling the nontechs, always simplify, simplify, simplify. Alternate moral of story: before delegating a task that seems old hat to you, always review your notes/docs and make sure they're ready for someone else to use them.

Reporting is not fun..

Scenario 1:
* A user says they need to export certain data from our system..
* Developer W makes report called "Foo detail report"

Scenario 2:
* A user says they need this report to also show some extra fields
* Developer X makes a new report called "Foo detail report (extra fields)"

Scenario 3:
* A user says they need this report to be run with a different search criteria
* Developer Y makes a new report called "Foo detail report (extra fields) by bar"

Scenario 4:
* A user says they need this report show data grouped in a different way
* Developer Z makes a new report called "Foo detail report (extra fields) by bar- new grouping"

The above scenarios happened over and over for several years in no particular order...

Current Day:
* Some users have certain reports they use and rely on but we don't know which ones
* Nobody really knows what all of the reports do or what is the difference between them without looking at the sql
* If we want to change data structures we have many reports to update
* I have a request from a user to add an extra column to one of the reports

So management wants this:
As soon as a customer reports a bug, management wants to have an "emergency button" to let their inexperienced hands make production fall back to the last stable version, without having to pass through IT and wait for them to fix it. If the server catches a 500 error, this process should be done automatically. All because they don't want to give us more time writing more thorough tests...

At my workplace, we are working on the codebase from 1999. It's built on Oracle Forms and Reports. Fuck my life 😔

Devs complaining about the automated test system cuz it reports errors all the time are like trapeze artists complaining about the safety net cuz it hurts when you hit the ropes.

I think I'm still under NDA.

But I wanted to share, that shit after 6 months figured out that the ONLY time I can breath is weekend.

And I'm telling this in a GOOD sens. It's one of the reports I get 1-2 times a week, but this one struck too much close to reality ':)

What's the point of using the tracking then?

Or why don't you just show me the 3 weeks date as estimated arrival date instead of the wrong date showing on the tracking report currently?

Adding 7 days is fuck simple.

Why give wrong reports and false hope?

I had a user tell me how important he is and how our software is making it harder for important people like him to run reports on people in their region and how it "just doesn't make sense" for important people like him... and on and on and on and on.
I was on the phone for over 30 minutes.

Deep sigh

Jesus, I'm SO fed up with this mindless application of CRUD. This application would literally be less than half its current size if we weren't implementing crud for fucking broken device reports and repair offers, stuff that should have many states, a create action strictly bound to a user type and view/field wise edit phases bound to a state-usertype pair.

my work drives me crazy sometimes, our production tables dont have primary keys or indexes. There are several tables who are basically the same, most scripts/reports are hacked together with no common agreement on dates/values and as a result, it is almost impossible to check whether values are correct or not.

Today, I got some crap on my desk with possible bug reports from the field. They have been lingering somewhere for fucking MONTHS, and suddenly, an immediate answer was due. I was the unlucky one who was the least clueless about the product involved. SHIT.

OK, sifted through the reports. Some of them were duplicate, others obviously not our problem. No idea where to even start for the rest. FUCK, it's Friday!

But here comes "senior dev secret knowledge"(tm). Instead of saying WTF-IDK, I proposed an "action plan"(tm) (that BS term alone...) detailing the steps that we would need to take, and since I had no idea how long we would need, I just added enough steps in the "action plan"(tm) to make two weeks of investigation believable.

PM was very happy and just took that as direct customer reply. Now it's weekend anyway. :-)

`xdg-open` on Linux is fucked up. The thing never works properly for me.

In the attached screenshot below, you can see that `feh` is the default application for opening jpg files, however, it always opens the file in the browser. It doesn't work for any other filetypes as well. It's just messed up.

By the way, I tried to do some debugging on the line number xdg-open reports. It calls this bash line: `"$command_exec" "$@"`, however, when I echo the command, it prints nothing. So this means it can't find the program to open the file with and, at the same time, it reports that the program is set as you can see in the screenshot!!

Work overtime for a month to develop a polished product inside and out. Not a peep from anyone. Throw together a simple script in a few minutes to run some daily reports and suddenly you're a god.

tbh: writing status reports which were never read again!

In our department, we've to send some reports at different times in the same month, for example, three the first day, one the fifteenth, three the last day...

This was a task assigned to my coworker, but it consumed a lot of time to modify and execute the required querys and write the reports in Excek with the results, so O was assignes to create a program that created the reports automatically.

I asked my coworker for the querys, a lot of times since he "forgot it", and once my program was fully completed him, I asked him to test it and tell me if he saw any errors, if the reports were done correctly, etc... And, twenty days later, when I asked him again, told me that everything was okay, so the whole months of July and August, the reports were done automatically.

Today we've receives a ton of emails about how the reports were not correct, how the information was incomplete and such.

Guess who gave me only half the querys requested. Now I've to do every single of them manually. While my manager rants.

Note to future self: Never trust that guy again, and always re-check everything he checks. This better be a lesson for the future.

Anyone else using LaTeX to wright nice looking reports for school and stuff?

Was trying to figure out why the code coverage tool always reports 0% on my android tests. Turns out that is specific to newer samsung phones and it reports the coverage correctly on other phones.
Good old samsung, annoying devs since 2009!

Fuck those assholes that screw with production apps in emulators and spam me with 13+ bullshit Crashlytics reports.

Bloody fucking Crystal. Lame fucking excuse for a reporting engine product.
Can’t change data source from API for a report containing List of Values at runtime.
What the actual fuck! A reporting system where I can’t change the data source.
Die in hell you Fucking blood sucking leeches. Die of malaria!

when CodeClimate reports it 2.0 GPA but your colleagues says it's good code-wise and styling wise...

turns out I didn't have the YAML override

When QA reports a vague issue with no steps to reproduce, that absolutely must be fixed

So we're about to launch the annual financial reports for a multi-billion corporation, but as usual, they're late at providing us with the information we need.

Recently they thought they had been hacked, so they blocked our access to their servers, which we need to upload the annual reports! Oh, the lovely hierarchy in large companies.

But hey, they finally decided to drop IE6 support, so that's a win

I'd like an Report as off topic-button. Ten reports and it's removed?

Some method of getting useful bug reports from users and clients with an AI that can prioritise them.

At leat then I wont get priority 1 "Wrong shade of blue on button"

I am not even at our office yet the PM already sent us multiple emails asking us to do trivial stuff like update excel sheets, file reports, etc... WTF!? Can't you fucking wait till I get to work!?

Not really giving a f*ck about pagespeed and lighthouse reports.

And overthinking styles…

MSG for dfox and trogus
Hey guys, have you seen my bug reports?
For all the others.. Do you have a bug where your app crashes when uploading a IMG from Android or is it just me?

Some <super smart> person ran DHCP in production lab (without disconnecting from main network and/or using firewall)
, now the admin turned all the ports off and went home.
Traffic gens are also unavailable now so are upgrade servers.
Result: I can't run my work over the weekend and the reports are expected on Monday.

Not so bad : I'll run on Monday.
Bad part : This fucking shit takes 2 days to do everything on the rack.

Complete bug reports for devs: Error name, stack trace, what did you do when it happened and all that stuff

Complete bug report for users: it crashed help

I hate filling out status reports, so I build a generator which collected all the data from the dev and ticket systems and formatted it so all I had to do was copy the output and then provide “management friendly” notes.

Is it common to be handed a code base, be told "that's yours now", and not be told what needs to be done with it? Like not given a spec, not given a list of change/problem reports, just "have this, it's yours, go do stuff, don't break anything"? I am trying to determine if this is a blessing or a curse.

The worst part of collecting crash reports is that the application crashes the whole system so the report won't be sent. Fml

My favorite PEBKAC encounter:

Was showing a user how to run some reports in our web app, and told her to click on the Reports button. She clicks on it but nothing happens. I start panicking in my head of course, like wtf could have broken to cause the page not to load??? Finally, I realize she pressed down on the mouse button but never released it. PEBMAC?

When the client reports u a bug in the app, then u noticed that the error comes from the info provided by the backend ..
**** HAPPY KUS IS NOT MY PROBLEM****
Then u realized that you are the backend developer too..

Am I Data Engineer or Software Development Engineer ?

I design the infrastructure for analytics data, and I build the infra entirely including an development. Except making reports out of the data.

What I'm supposed to be called ?
Data Engineer ?
Software Development Engineer ?

Definitely not an Data Scientist. Official designation given by company is Data Engineer II. But what I'm ?

Confused, someone help me please.

Used a wrong filter during loading of a table in ETL. Did not test and migrated to production. 80% of users had empty reports.
Had to stay awake till 4AM to get it fixed.
Realized an important lesson -

' A test in time saves nine'

Just published my first internal app, which is nice

We’ve also now started using GitLab, so I need to work out an easy way for use to transfer all of the reports from SourceSafe.

There’s only about 500+ of them, should be fun

You know how shitty Crystal is when you need this setup to try and get it to work across environments. (ಥ﹏ಥ)

We have trello all set up and have been using it for ages. Stop sending me Google slide presentations for bug reports or ui improvements.

My 2013 rMBP's battery just died at 56%, even though iStat reports that the health is still at 75%. May have to take it in to the shop for a new battery soon...

Anyone know how to generate DMARC reports?

I absolutely treasure the bug reports we get from users. Nothing helps bring the product closer to perfection than the informed critique of end-users.
Recently, however, this one dude is filing a new fucking report every time he encounters the same fucking bug. "X happens for operation Y on file A"
"X happens for operation Y on file B"
.
.
.
"X happens for operation Y on file Z"

Jumping Jesus Christ, man, I'm pretty sure we can identify a pattern after the first two!
I don't expect him to know about the work we do to reproduce a problem after one report but fucking hell, have some faith that we'll get the picture after two or three.
These are fully detailed bug reports too, so it's not like he's just being a troll.

I've a question. Has anyone in here ever be forced to use something as remotely frustrating as SQL Server Reporting Services (ssrs)? I swear it is one of the most convoluted piece of shit ever.

Whoever made the Crystal Reports language, screw you and your silent syntax errors. Sincerely, guy stuck maintaining reports.

Fucking travel auditors and yous stupid rules for travel reports. I've sent you countless e-mails explaining the situation and you can't fucking read?! YOU told me how I was supposed to fill the report and I did it as you told me to, but dare to reject it?!
Fucking incompetent and useless morons, you ain't worth shit! Fuck you and your stupid travel report!

I *hate* it when a senior asks me to write a functional test report. Like I thought we hired functional testers to do that sort of stuff? I'm a programmer, I only write 3 things: code, documentation, and more code. Not freaking reports about how something did not work before, and after this 1-line fix does work. Oh and don't forget to include screenshots and a description of the issue. Arghhh

I finally broke.

* Customer reports bug.
* I fix the bug.
* This highlights another issue that I haven't got enough resources to fix.
* I revert the fix.
* <insert hacky workaround here>

We have code that invokes undefined behaviour (freeing memory twice), but somehow people have managed to build around it and now it depends upon it to work.

FML.

7 little bug reports jumping on the bed, one got patched and approved
8 little bug reports jumping on the bed...

Just give me a webhook to sighup myself

I swear I passionately hate doing excel reports

Worst coding procrastination story?

Not necessarily coding, but anything that has to do with writing support reports for an application/feature. Good news is we have a dedicated dept for maintaining reports now, but there was a time developers were required to write and maintain reports (Crystal Reports). Starts out as data in grid, but de-evolves into ..
U: "This value here...can you make that red if its a Thursday before a promotion release on Friday and I forget to update the promotional percent?"
<month later>
U: "Why is this value red?"
<explain why it's red>
U: "That is so stupid, I wouldn't ask for such as feature. I never forget."
<month later>
U: "OMG! I FORGOT TO UPDATE THE PERCENT AND WE LOST OVER $100,000!! THE REPORT WAS SUPPOSED TO FLAG THOSE VALUES IN RED!!! I HAVE THE REQUIREMENT DOCUMENT!! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"

Not to mention the hours...HOURS worth of meetings filled with "Can you move the value a little to the left, a little more..NO! Too far! Now, make it bold...bolder..uggh...I said bolder, I thought you guys knew a lot about computers."

I eventually ignored the report feature with "I'll work on it later". 'Later' never showed up. Users eventually exported the data to Excel to write their own reports and now exporting data to Excel is a standard feature of our apps.

How to interpret when you receive bugs reported for your application?
Should I be happy that someone is using them or just be sad that I gotta fix them and how poorly I wrote the code.

Note: will obviously consider turning some of them into features. Though not all.

I think what's worse than bad coding is bad network connection. Can't load StackOverflow, Network Assets, Run Reports, or pull updated repositories because somebody is hogging up the bandwidth. FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU

I was discussing scope and budget with a potential client for a side project. It involved a good bit of complex postgresql and subsequent aggregations and creation of reports. He was hiring because the last guy's work was so poorly documented, they couldn't verify its accuracy.

Me: "So, what are your thoughts on a budget?"
Him: "We were thinking something like $15/hour."
Me: "Um...ok. If I can ask, where did you get that number?"
Him: "That's what we paid the last guy."
😑😑😑😑😑😑

Setting an element in an exact position in Crystal Reports is like coding on a smartphone. It just won't do what I want.

tester reports a bug to developer, developer corrects it and generates another bug and hand it over to the tester, tester reports a bug to a developer...

!rant
So I got bored and decided to drop some Easter egg cats into Google trouble reports because why not? Well I sent one off on regular Google Allo and it ran this search. None of my other cats did anything like this even with other black cats. Any ideas?

I really dislike micromanagement. I don't want to dictate details. I don't like hierarchies where my direct reports obey me.

The only thing that obeys me is my hands, with them, I write the exact code I want. I don't hire another pair of hands. I hire another brain.

When you see your direct reports as professionals, you can give declarative tasks: "make a pretty website footer", "make that page load quicker". If you leave implementation details for your direct reports to decide, this doesn't mean they'll fuck up. They are professionals too, and if you personally interviewed them, you better believe they can handle it.

Start my Monday by trying to decipher non-tech people's "bug" reports whee they submit a small portion of a web page where some problem occurs, when I asked them to include the ENTIRE browser window including the URL of the page they're on.

Business Analyst says most of the forms aren't working, because they're not creating leads in the CRM system. I made a column in the form list where I explicitly mention the form submission destination, such as email, CRM, newsletter, or some combo of these. Forms work, she just can't read.

Just can't win.

I modified a Crystal Reports file to adjust some margins and now the project is crashing when executing some DTS and is my fault...

Three hour meeting attempting to explain that the specs I received weren't clear, and that the calcs I was given weren't consistent with the rest of the reports we built.

End result: BA said he was right. I coded to spec. Told me finished report was all wrong and I had to redo it.

I wonder if everyone on DevRant grouped together and posted bug reports on Xcode, would it generate any positive response at Apple?

Started a new role as a single handed Dev/analyst in a small company. Discovered by predecessor had left no handover notes on his (unnecessarily complex) weekly reports, or indeed on the table structure of any of the systems.

The three weeks into the role the managing director gets sent to prison!
For fraud.

I left...... quickly.

I rewrote a giant VBA workbook (lots of business formulas, custom pivots of the data) into Java apps/microservices so that new tabs, other reports can be easily added using (JSON) data from the other apps.

In general, I was the only dev in the team that understood that monoliths are hard to change or scale...

writing more reports and point clicking than actually code these days, what is happening to me?

How would I go about finding a game dev project that I can follow where I can view progress on a designers level? I want to see a game built from the ground up, detailed error reports included?

A company I once worked for actually had an IT management reporting process called TPS reports. Completely non-ironically. I did ask if they were giving homage to “Office Space” and they were like, “Wut?”

And, yes, the report was obnoxious and a complete waste of everyone’s time.

Need to write a query to find all scheduled reports, sounds easy, right?

Not in a system with over 1k tables all with obscure names and absolutely no foreign keys at all.

Six hours of heavy debugging to find out that someone put a fucking coma instead of a fucking semicolon somewhere in the middle of a Google Analytics query.

And accidentally I found 3 other "small" bugs. Reports from the last 8 months are useless.

Why this always happen on fridays?

when your client reports that there is bug but they cant explain, describe, replicate or give evidence of. Just 'there is a bug' 😐

Another day, another tragedy...
1,5 half year later 2 devs were able to deliver :
- custom authentication. Basically they did a very simple client credentials grant.
- a custom wrapper to manage windows services
- a custom job scheduling system
- a custom logging library to log everything to windows event viewer!!!!!!
- all csv reports are created using string interpolation WriteLine("'{varA}','{varB}'") like this...

There are a lot of defects in those functionalities and they delivered almost 0 business features.

Using LaTex to write my reports has been the best decision I made this year.

You know what's fucked up a part of debugging? Preparing a fucking word "report" document, in which the table wouldn't align properly.

Seriously, I hate my university's grading criteria. They ask first to send 'weekly reports', and after internship ask for 'final report' which consists the same fucking thing.

My favourite bug reports are the ones for where something is missing. No details on pages, or steps to recreate, but they do include a screenshot.

Essentially, they go "Here's a picture of something that isn't there."

Great, thanks, I'll get right on that.

When I first started down the path to becoming a developer, I was a "business analyst" where I managed our departments reports and ended up migrating all the reports from daily query run in MS Access with Task manager and emailed out to all the managers including the VP of the entire business unit, I created
Views in the database and sent out the same spreadsheet with the view in excel daily since management didn't want "change". Granted this was at a large health care company in the US and didn't want to invest in a real dashboard for their reports. The only thing that was changed in the email and file was the file name with the current date. I left the company a while ago and recently applied for a similar position for the shits and gigs. Interviewed with the It manager and they're still using the same excel macro I wrote 3 years later.

-> Had to remap all api endpoints on the backend...
-> The system architect raised a critical bug, saying he can't delete reports from the GUI even though the back-end is returning HTTP 200 (for now, say we also save some sort of reports in our DB)...
-> While remapping, I had returned get in the delete call xD
-> He thanked me for not doing the other way round, delete function in get call xD

In an in-house beta our product was causing blue screens. We had some the crash reports and a I dug out the technical notes in how to decipher that gibberish. Still no real clue, but there was an address happened where it was supposed to happen. So I dumped our binary into two reversing tools, jumped to that address and looked at the surrounding code.
And sure there it was: A missing check when manipulating a C-string which could lead to out of bound access. Added a check BSOD's gone.

I never want to do another SSRS report ever again... It’s mind numbing and tedious and crashes visual studio more than it builds. And yet, there are always more to do. Always... I swear I’m going to drown in all the paper. Queries aren’t bad but seriously, can’t go an hour without something crashing itself.

Whoever wrote this line of code... please take on a different profession.

`else if len(LEFT({ODWR_CLAIMSNAPSHOT.POLICY_TYPE}, 3)) > 0 then`

had my boss ask me to automate reports on our emails... he wanted me to use google script. the 6min limit was killing me. we needed up sacrificing accuracy and going another route with VBA done by my co worker. I have a meeting next week with my boss's boss about how we did it and I don't know VBA.

Update on my fever: reports confirm that it's Dengue NS1.

Has anyone experienced this before? How long did it take for you to recover?

What all things you did for recovery?

I wrote a stored procedure and declared the input as varchar instead of varchar(100). everything seemed to be working. later on we noticed that the procedure only saved the first character of the input (a user form). unfortunately we found out first when the monthly form reports where issued. a whole month of incomplete forms from our users. the client wasn't happy.

From my last rant, I'm now looking for Jobs.

I heard that a few people from here work in startups. Just wondering what your xp with these kind of companies are.

Also looking for some good critical questions that I may be able to ask.

I'm currently all about architecture, frontend and UI/UX

is it so hard to screen capture only the relevant details necessary to reproduce a bug? i just watched a video where for 2:30 min, literally nothing happened. and half of rest of the time, they randomly click stuff, as if they've forgotten what they want to show. nobody can give me this lost lifetime back. and the testuff video player is so crappy that i can't even reasonably jump forward / backward or increase playing speed. i even prefer crappy, wiggly upright phone videos if they are on point and don't steal my time. SHOW ME THE BUG ALREADY

Got a few
Crystal reports - words cannot describe how much I loathe this

Sybase ASE or IQ - both are just a hot mess to setup properly

Not a service now fan either

Esri map processing - basically entirely undocumented, slow, old fucking hate it

Arc GIS online - ridiculous licensing issues, undocumented APIs are given as official answers from the dev team, massive pain in the arse