I put an Easter egg into a product, that if you enter the string "final countdown" into the stock code search field, it plays a YouTube vid of Europe's "The Final Countdown", in a hidden div. It's an in-joke for a few people in the company.

A well meaning maintainer with no sense of humour or judgement takes over and goes on the warpath against any hardcoded strings. The secret code gets moved into a config file.

A third developer changes the deployment script so that it clears any configs that aren't explicitly set in the deployment settings.

So the secret code is now "".

Literally every PC in the stock buying department is now blaring out "The Final Countdown" at top volume.

...Except none of them have speakers, so it remains this way for over a year and two more changes of maintainer.

I just noticed this afternoon and quietly re-hardcoded the string. The buying dept.'s PCs will silently sing no more.

The dev secret...

The secret to less stress!

Nothing​ is Secret Anymore.

The secret robot internet

How the fuck do people have an amazing GitHub profile full of contribution while still working and having a social Life??

Am I missing some secret or trick?

This struggle is real...

Most progress/loading bars are fake.

Every fkn 3 to 4 days, some random dev shows up in my office really really fkn confused and frustrated about something he doesn't understand - because I have a dark secret.

Sometime, in cold lonely nights, when no one is watching, I write my documentation before the actual code.

Somehow, sometimes documentation without code attached to it makes it to production.

Today someone yelled at me for wasting his time because he wasted 3 hours trying to find the code the documentation belongs to - and demented I stop the practice from now on.

Agh.

Was watching 'Johnny English Strikes Again' when I discovered a secret message in the movie.
Guys, MI7 is hiring C programmers!

I have my own secret script hidden in a /batcave dir on the production servers. It fixes everything the other devs usually manage to screw up.
I call it Batman.bat

The secret of a good code ?
The right cup size.

This project manager, man....

> Sends email to a client "Dear Ms X, here's your password for the Jira board: [...] Please handle it with care and keep it secret."
> Email goes out to 5 people.

For the Dutch people on here, the new surveillance law in short:

- dragnet surveillance, data retention of normal data is a maximum of 3 years, encrypted data up to 6 years.

- secret DNA database, data retention up to 30(!!) years.

- use of 0days without having to report them to the vendors.

- third parties may be hacked to get to main targets; if my neighbor is suspected they may legally hack me in order to get to him/her.
Cleaning up (removing backdoors etc) afterwards is not required.

- sharing unfiltered (raw) data gathered through dragnet surveillance with foreign intelligence agencies is permitted, even if it's to a country which doesn't have as much 'democracy' as this country does.

Decide for yourself if you're voting (at all) against or in favor of this law, I'm voting against :)

We do need a new/reformed law, this one is just too intrusive imo.

We all have a Superpower!
But we must keep it a secret....

So, as everyone knows on here by now (or, a lot of ranters), I am a fervid privacy person.

Appearantly a new surveillance law in my country is about to extend mass surveillance/hacking a lot. So here a rundown of what they are about to be allowed to do (stuff that is not okay imo and this is the reason I am so pro-privacy):

- Mass Data Gathering: The intelligence agency over here (lets call it IA from now) can pretty much record everything send through the country.

- Extra Protection: If they want to conduct surveillance on journalists/lawyers, they have to go through extra channels first at least.

- Data/survaillance sharing: The IA is allowed to share their raw/filtered data with foreign intelligence agencies without limits. Also, they're allowed to conduct surveillance based on foreign requests.

- Secret DNA database: A secret DNA database will be created which can store the DNA profiles of any person who has commited any kind of crime. These profiles are allowed to be stored for a maximum of 30 years. This database is allowed to be shared with any foreign intelligence agency.

- Hacking: Unlimited power to hack any device deemed neccesary to hack in relation to crime. From computers to smartphones and so on. Also, it's allowed to use zero-days without reporting them to the vendor (we have seen what can go wrong with that through the ShadowBrokers scandal).

- Automatic Database Collection: They are allowed to directly tap into any database they see required (banks, healthcare, messaging services and so on). Practically this can lead to backdoors being build in because if you don't cooperate, you can go to prison. (mother of god I am not using anything closed source anymore if possible).

So yeah, this is pretty much the reason why I am so privacy consious. This country is fucked.

Sometimes the stack exchange sites have some true hidden gems

That's my secret...

Me: *updating Ubuntu using terminal*

Non-tech friend:
*looks at my terminal*
WOW! You must me real good at hacking and stuff!

Me: Of course i am, but keep it a secret though.

Life with Windows 10:

An absolute nightmare. My oven doesn't work, Washing machine started rattling, toaster toasted more than it was supposed to toast. Every time windows updates it restarts my TV in my living room.

Then I met my neighbour. He lives a very happy life. I always wanted to know his secret ingredients.

One day I invited him to my house and he saw my Windows machine. He immediately insisted that I install Linux so that I can be happy and cool like him.

And that's the day my life changed. My oven started to bake beautifully, my washing machine was spinning at full speed.

Linux changed my life. I'm now part of the cool kids. Everyone loves me, embraces me.

Is your life hard? Are you not being noticed by other cool boys/girls? Are you having pain in your back? Remember:

Whatever bad happens, it's Windows 10's fault.

Friends Pandemic December proposal: "We should all get on Zoom every weekend, play Christmas trivia games and do shots"

Family ideal Pandemic December: "Lets send each other Secret Santa presents throughout the whole month, and get on Zoom and unpack them"

Me: Chilled out on a reclining seat next to a freshly slaughtered green fir tree, burning hearth fire, warm wool sweater, faux fur slippers, big mug of liquored up hot chocolate, keyboard on my lap, writing a Rust library on big screen TV.

Sorry friends & family, y'all are doing holidays wrong.

Happy holidays.
-- signed, Grandpa Bittersweet.

TL;Dr be specific, it's actually helpful.

Client rings... "The internet is down"

Me "ok where are you exactly and how are you connecting"

"Ugh the WiFi! Just fix it"

"Ok but where are you?"

"At $companyname"

"Ok and which wi..."

"The wifi?!! Can you do anything right?"

Well... I'm allowed flexibility in terms of pleasantry...

"Ok, there are 3 buildings, 55 rooms, 2 SSID's, 17 access points, 3 routers a RADIUS server and 2 gateways... Be specific or I'll do nothing"

Simple reboot of an access point, but c'mon... It's not a secret where you are

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to Desktop and create anew folder

2. Name the folder Internet Explorer

3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer

4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Comment your ideas...

Top secret and bottom secret

Apple has programmed an avatar maker in iMessage that generates emoji that are supposed to resemble the person. However it does not have any setting for facial structure to represent a person’s sex. I’m pretty sure they did it because “gender is a construct”.

When I was growing up I had some issues with gender dysphoria. I am male genetically. I was mistaken as female my whole childhood because I was “pretty”, my best friends were girls, and I liked cooking, drawing, and dancing. Puberty happened and I started to look like a man. I considered transitioning because I felt female but I decided to let my body do what it wants and do the things I like to do without worrying about if they are gendered or not. I am married and male and I like what I like.

This stupid iMessage avatar. I have tried my hardest to make it look like me. I have long hair and keep my facial hair clean. They don’t have a switch to change some facial physiological traits so I have this Memoji that looks like a woman with a slight hormonal imbalance. It makes me feel conflicted like I felt when I was young. I haven’t thought about it in years and now I feel like I have an uncomfortable secret female avatar that i carry around on my phone and I feel like I’m carrying a secret.

A persons genetics result in differences in facial structures. Biological sex is more than the length of hair and whether a person wears makeup. I hate this “sex is a construct” trend. I’m fine living my life, but then companies push this software onto my phone like propaganda. I want it to look as masculine as I look IRL.

This is a funny one:

I found this gem in SO.
Why is it funny? Well, PDVSA is the state-owned company for oil production of my country (Petróleos De Venezuela).

This little intern decided that it was a good idea to publish in SO an answer with actual code, showing database and tables names to everyone.

Priceless.

Windows obviously did a secret selective poll on what percentage of their users use dates and times.
:#

Guys, I have a dirty secret

I use the light theme :o

Why is the contributing manual of your open source project more thoughtfully cultivated than your code style guide and testing procedure?

Why the fuck do you care about the message in my PR, or even merge vs rebase of commits, when your spaghetti-tomatosource is so richly saturated with critically minced bugmeat?

Why are you standing there, shouting at me about your convoluted rules, in your little brown uniform? Why do I feel like the enemy when I contribute a useful fix, something which makes the code work better?

You know what, fuck all of you, you jilted acetous neckbeards, I will deploy my secret weapon, I will bypass the power you hold over your tiny fascist digital dominions.

If you play it like this, I will summon the nefarious vile side of Open Source. I will usurp your throne. I will stab out your crying eyes, rip out your conceited tongue, impale your lonely heart.

Tremble before me! I wield the almighty, legendary Fork!

The king is dead, long live the king!

So Zomato thinks I'm of No Value. Thought that was a secret :/

More proof of computer scientists not wanting to bother with CSS. Guys this is might be the secret to becoming pro. Keep it Simple Stupid (KISS). That's the creator of C++ website btw.

Placed a hidden flying unicorn as easteregg in our last business app. My boss stumbled across it and told me: "make it that all users can see it more easily without using the secret gesture."

...but ..it's an easteregg! .. :facepalm:

I wonder how the secret service comes up with all these cool names for secret operations they do when i am sitting here thinking what to name one variable for last 30mins. I should probably hire someone from there as a variable namer dev..

In the darkest of days, I discovered how to remote login to my computer at work through the company vpn. I then proceeded to work overtime at night in secret for a week or so, writing documentation and refactoring code.

I finally woke the fuck up and realized that I shouldn't be obsessing over proprietary codebases that do not belong to me, and I should put this misguided energy into my own projects.

So yeah, as a bad dev habit I'm working on fixing, this fits the bill.

I'm working on a project with a teacher to overview the project at my school to be responsible for the confidential student data...

Teacher: How are we going to authenticate the kiosk machines so people don't need a login?

Me: Well we can use a unique URL for the app and that will put an authorized cookie on the machine as well as local IP whitelisting.

Teacher: ok but can't we just put a secret key in a text file on the C drive and access it with JavaScript?

Me: well JavaScript can't access your drive it's a part of the security protocol built into chrome...

Teacher: well that seems silly! There must be a way.

Me: Nope definately not. Let's just make a fancy shortcut?

Teacher: Alright you do that for now until I find a way to access that file.

I want to quit this project so bad

I guess DB discovered the secret to time travelling. Taken with my Nokia 3310

!rant
Me and my girlfriend just broke up.
I was sad at first but now I can really start focusing on some really interesting projects.

Such as my new secret website that I will release soon. I think you'll like it.

Tinder bots that match must have secret conversations all the time and we'll never know

Can we make the devRant gang sign into a thing? Can it be a secret way of recognizing other devranters, say, at conferences? Please?

\||/_

My secret joy. Logging into our "automated email do not reply" mailbox and reading folks futile attempts to argue with an automated system

At this point I think the "algo" is a secret team that's being held hostage and forced to sort the rants by hand 😂😂

/* secret devRant script */

let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"

//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}

I'll point names today

Boss: Quick! The Xero integration is not working anymore!
Xero Documentation: place your client secret in the HEADERS
Me: * places client secret in headers *
Xero API: Bad Request!
Me:
*re-reads documentation*
*creates new client secret*
*1 hour of trying*
Hmmmm
* places client secret in request body, not in headers *
Xero API: Ok!

UPDATE YOUR DOCUMENTATION
TELL US ABOUT IT IN THE CHANGELOGS

I had a co worker who was a bit of a robot with little to none tact or social skills (let's call him Bob Bot). Once, we had one of those company events where pointy haired boss had the cringe worthy idea of having everyone share an "unusual secret" about themselves as a team building exercise.

"So Bob Bot, what is your secret?"

Bob (in the same tone you would use to deliver the weather forecast): "So for those who don't know yet, I am polyamorous. This means that I have multiple sex partners at the same time."

(Dead silence in the room)

Bob: "Oh but wait...she gets to have multiple sex partners as well!"

And that kids, was a great example of gender equality!

App nearing completion. Code tested, everything's working fine. Ready for release.

The client just calls me and tells me that they have decided to turn the app into two separate ones. Should not be a problem, you developers must have some tricks for that, according to the client. Of course, the release date remains unchanged.

Clients!, finally understand that there's no secret button for turning an app into two separate ones.

You know guys, I haven't posted much today, so here's a screenshot of the login of an app I'm making (secret spooky stuff). I'm pretty proud of how it turned out after about 3 hours of back and forth.

What do you think?

Duolingo has some secret plans for world domination

An industry secret 🤫🤫

A new linear time O(N) sorting algorithm [Keep it secret 🔒]

* Compare two adjacent elements one by one starting from the first element
* If there are out of order, delete the second element and continue with step 1
* If in order, go to the next two elements
* Once done, act like the numbers you deleted never existed

Works all the time.
Not yet published. Thinking of a good name for it.

Haha I know your secret now computers. now it's time to expose your secret so nobody has to deal with slowness

"I'll stop using Windows, Google, Youtube, Facebook, etc and move to a fucking hipster unsupported linux distro, so that they can't spy me in my top secret activities such as watching porn and browsing /r/me_irl"

sigh...

I didn’t realise that SQL Developer was actually secret code for data entry monkey.

I’m sick to the back teeth doing data entry work and not getting any actually fucking development to do

When my former boss let me go, he asked "you devs do not plant some secret code into your software so you can destroy it remotely, do you?".

I smiled and walked away.

Needless to say I got some money on top on my last day at that job.

Finally the secret is out!!

Those 3 side projects you have, that you contractually can't have, but still have.

Secret job interview tomorrow, I've had it with this place and it keeps getting worse. Today they took away the last thing that made it liveable and forced me to have 5 hour longer days for the forseeable future. 3 of them with no extra pay.
I have kids I barely get to see today with longer days I will never see them.
Fuck this, I'm out.

One of the main reasons I completely left windows and osx for Linux is the fact that Linux is open source. In an era of mass surveillance, secret court orders ordering companies to build in backdoors into their products, companies building in tracking into their software and so on, I find it irresponsible to use closed source software.

Only my personal opinion though.

!rant

Dear dfox and trogus,

Is it possible to arrange a secret santa kind of duck gift sharing campaign once a year? Not necessary need to be a xmas campaign. We can wait until you update the shopping cart process with the feature 😬

Each user can buy ducks for other users. You can contact the recipients for the address if you don't have yet and do the delivery.

“There’s too many Firefox quantum rants...”

Lemme let you in on a little secret:
It’s nothing new, get over it.

Apple released a new phone.
Windows updated.
Samsung or Google releases a phone.
Exam time.

Do any of you see a common theme? It’s the same people posting three metric fuck tons of posts about recent news. Wow, a tech person sharing tech news, imagine that. It’s just a phase, we all notice it. It’ll go away. Thanks. Have a nice day.

Before starting a job at company CUNT, we had an interview at which I told them I do not want to work on legacy monolithic codebases. We had a nice agreement and they offered me to work as a back-end with one of their projects. I was super excited to start. CUNT was very culty, always talks about how carrying for employees they are and always keep promises on their end of the table.

A week has passed, the codebase is superb legacy shit hole, no fucking standards, monolithic as fuck (BE and FE projects live in one project folder with tons of depreciated tools - there are no docs for them. That’s how old they are). They even have secret folder in their project with YOU GUESSED IT - secret keys.

Told CTO today, that I want to switch projects, because this was not the thing I signed up for and remember THEY ALWAYS CARE ABOUT THEIR EMPLOYEES AND PROMISES MADE. He basically told me, that project owners (other company) will not understand this culturally and I can either wait it out and possibly get my hands on a better project or fuck off right now.

Also, I was told, that my judgment was garbage worth and I should work longer with project “shit hole” to fully understand it.

Such a fucking salesman.

Anyways, I told that this situation is not culturally appropriate for me either as they gave me a sort of promise and I wont leave the company as I just switched jobs and cannot afford to do that again. I’ll hopefully get another position in another project soon.

WTF IS WORNG WITH PEOPLE

Every Group Project in CS Major
Group 1:- Hey group 2 what project are you making ..?
Group 2:- Can't tell , Top Secret

FINAL Day:-
Group 1:- Railway Ticket Booking System
Group 2:-Railway Ticket Authorization System

Evaluators :- I think I saw similar idea somewhere....😂

>be me
>be excited for secret santa
>buys gift
>the guy who got my gift is happy :)
>wait till the end of the day
>no gift for me :/
>leave office with nothing to be excited about
>reach home
>get to know about steam winter sale
>buy games to the point of happiness ;-;

10/10 would worship gaben ;~;

‎Welcome to the secret robot internet

I have nasty dirty secret to admit..

I newer did actual "Hello, World" program.....

I feel ashamed :(

Inappropriate experience at work? Here is another one:

The IS department manager 'John' bought a drone (when they first started getting popular, paid over $400 for it), flew it around the office, which was kinda fun, then he took it outside and started peeking in (and recording video) various VPs offices.

Needless to say, that behavior wasn't popular because several/most have their back to the window and never saw the drone and the drone was close enough to see/record their monitors (which John did). No one was doing anything wrong (no porn, no secret company plans, etc), but they were rightfully upset.

Later that day he decided to find out how high he could go and because of the technology at the time, it lost signal or battery power, fell from the sky, and before he could gain control, it crashed (styrofoam wings shattered). Can't say I felt sorry for him.

coffee. secret word: validation

Meeting with CEO went well I heard. Only thing he didn’t like that there was no permission level “worthy of leadership” (GUI options are view-only/worker/admin/super).

Keeping the existence of the the secret “god” permission to myself I proceeded to create the “executive authority” permission, which is an alias…

…for view-only. 🖕😘🖕

My secret....

Your most paranoic internet experience?

Several years ago, I was going to watch my first porn movie, and I was so afraid of the porn page publishing on my facebook "Elizadeath liked Xporn.net" or something like that (I had family on my facebook friends) so I:

1.- Used an old tablet (even its screen was crashed)
2.- Removed all email accounts (it has Android)
3.- Uninstalled all the social media apps, including youtube
4.- Put a piece of tape on the frontal camera
5.- Bought new headphones
6.- Navigated at the Android's default browser instead of Chrome, and in "secret" mode
7.- Deleted the cache and history after watching the movie XD

What's your experience?

Bloomberg has revealed that Google has signed a secret deal with Mastercard that allows it to track what users buy offline

I had just started as an SDE intern, and was fiddling around with the code base.

Me: Hey, can you send me the link to our version control system?
Mentor: Umm, what!?
Me: You know, where we keep our code backup...
Mentor: Hmm, is there a need for that?
Me: Yeah, I mean, my past experience tells me to always backup code, just in case something goes wrong.
Mentor: Ohh, that's easy. I'll teach you how I do it.

So, he comes to my workplace, and does this:
1. Go to your workspace folder.
2. Right click it.
3. Zip it.
4. Open outlook.
5. Compose email.
6. Attach the zip file.
7. Mail to yourself.
8. That's how it's done!

I was like what the hell!?!?! Is this really happening?? And then he started basking in his glory, as if he had taught me some secret hack! Seeing this, I couldn't even get myself to introduce him to git. That was the worst part.

An ancient legend goes that there exists sacred knowledge that enables anyone possessing it not to turn one’s career into a constant uphill battle with the management.

I sought this knowledge, I travelled the world, to no avail. Once upon a time, I climbed the Mount Fuji and met the wizard in his pagoda on the mount. I won in a CSS-golf battle with him, and he revealed the sacred truth: one need to chose companies that do business instead of constant backroom deals and dick-measuring contests.

Like Prometheus, I give this knowledge to you. An ancient scroll says that for this I’ll be chained to the mountain of PHP legacy code, and HRs will peck my brain for eternity, but I found Arachne, the queen of HRs, and exchanged the keto-diet secret for freedom.

Debian is everywhere
Picture Source: Instagram

The avatars items can be updated via the secret api, without an app update

@JS96 seems to be the only person who knows this api (3rd party) since there is a black raven in UWP avatar editor.

@Skayo searching for the api...

@Floydian thanking @trogus

@dfox staying quiet

devRant being an avatar fam.

When I first got in this companie, with 3 other people, one of the first thing they told us was about a "rule" that we never deploy on Friday's or at the end of the day, but no one else in the company knows about it. It's the department's little secret 👌

My colleague is what you would call a cowboy coder. He solves problems with really complex solutions that only he understands and does not seem to care about that the team doesn't understand it. He's super fast and very skilled, but it leaves the rest of the team hanging. He sometimes works at his spare time so things we worked on the previous day can be totally changed the next day without any notice. He has also removed code written by someone else because he did not like it, in secret. I found this while browsing through commits that were committed directly to master without a PR.

We have tried talking to me about this but it doesn't seem to work. He seems to value speed over anything else and doesn't seem to have any respect for other team member's opinions.

What the hell do I do? Has anyone else worked with a similar typed person? He's really making my life hard and I think it's very frustrating. Please help.

The other week, our coffee machine broke. No code was written.

Today, coffee machine broke. No code written.

Think I found the secret ingredient to writing code!

Secret of success...

#Startup

Secret open source development

// FYI : It is at the 6 floor of the building

Securing a php endpoint:

if($_GET['secret'] != "qwerty") {
die();
}

The joys of using overpriced enterprise software...

Me: Hey, I tried connect to the server, but I'm getting a "connection refused" error. Is it really running.
Other: hmm, I'll check
Other: The host restarted, but I'll get the software up again, no problemo
Other: I started the server again, but there's, but it's throwing errors while initializing. Time to write customer support

And then you get that premium customer support that think we don't know how to use their software at times. And once they realize we do, they don't know much better either. And once they realize we know how to use it there are 3 possibilities:
* They need our help to debug stuff before knowing what is going on
* They need to release a new version and accidentally break backwards compatibility and create enough work for us to burn through the clients contact hours
* They provide helpful advice (secret ending)

These fuck don't even release a proper changelog for their software nor their manuals.

Apparently because someone works in IT they can hack an IPad.

Once i figure out the secret of hacking Apple devices i will obviously share it with you.

All I'm wondering is how did @dfox manage to keep this avatar feature a secret while it was in the works? If I was in the process of coding something so elegant, I'd be telling people left and right! Bravo!

Colleague: I have an error in my application, can you help me?
Me: Sure
*walks next to him*
Me: So... What is it?
Colleague: Here, it won't run
*launches the application and runs perfectly*
Colleague: Tell me your secret senpai

A Bank Account Number is like a public encryption key. Any random person needs it to send me money. Why does it seem like banks treat it as a secret or even use it to confirm my identity? It's literally printed in plain text on every check.

Today, the security department stopped our new project and told us to work on the last project instead because of a top-secret security flaw.

Problem is, they are not allowed to tell us what the problem is. FML

Just asked my girlfriend if she knew what CSS means and she said "Isn't that a kind of secret service?"😂😂😂

Just enrolled for uni and…. they email back my password in clear text…

Translation: "... using the secret access keys", yeah secret my ass, and they send you the password even when you change it so what's the point in letting me choose the password, just send me one i can't change.

Luckly it's computer science or else it could have been worse 🤔

Sometimes I don't want my co-workers to see the notes I write on a meeting, for several reasons: Maybe they might have bad intentions (yes, I'm a little bit paranoid), or sometimes I wrote stupid stuff just to concentrate or remember things faster, or I want to practice my cyrillic alphabet.

What do you think? how do you take "secret" notes on a meeting? Any slav in here that could tell me if he/she understands my calligraphy? XD

The hardest part about writing an app is getting anyone to find it :( on that note, please help? <3
If you have little ones I promise they'll enjoy it! it might even get you an hour or two of quiet coding time.
Tap the top bar on the main menu that says 'My First Puzzles' ten times to get prompted for a secret code (3hfazJUD) to unlock all packs free :)

Slack culture.

Yes, the chat application.

Fuck it, fuck mattermost, HipChat, Skype, and whatever other digital text medium for team communication.

These are great applications, but used for great evil. They feed cliques and passive aggressive "side" conversations. Every team I've been on has something like this, and it allows people to cultivate hate for one another even though they're sitting in the same room.

Texting allows you to complain about a coworker to your clique. Each clique can have it's own thread. This empowers people to silently rip into other team members. It prevents rational adult conversations and builds stupid little secret societies.

Playing Minecraft minigames.

It's a pictionary clone. One player draws a secret word while the other players have a minute to guess.

Along the bottom is a hint.

Hint is in "_ _ _ l e" format.

Possible word is apple, for example.

I already win half of the games.

I can win more.

Initiate cheating.

Python script that accepts input in same format as hint and returns a list of results based on the word database.

Any time I come across a new word just add it to the database.

Stopped at 69 words tonight.

Game on.

- Get's out of bus with some elderly people.
- one of them wants to cross the street, so he waits at the traffic light

That traffic light only switches, when a pedestrian touches a sensor

- I check if the sensor had been touched, it wasn't
- Secretly touches the sensor, just like a character from assasins creed kills when bypassing a person

- Light gurned greeen soon afterwards.
- Feels like a secret hero

Algorithms real life implementation

On the way to your college canteen? -> A* search

Waiting in line in the canteen? -> Queue

Notice that girl standing in front? -> Linear search

Searching for her dad in the phone book? -> Binary search

Stupid! Google it! -> Trie

Search for her on Facebook! -> Depth-first search

Found her! Friend request? Accepted! Send a Hi! -> Graph

Writing her a secret love letter? -> Caesar cipher

Uploading your first date pic on fb? -> Image compression algorithms

Looking through her Whatsapp messages? -> KMP algorithm

She found out and had your first fight? -> Start over with some gifts! Backtracking

Got her list of items to buy? -> Array

Too many items! Low on cash, maybe? -> Priority queue

Making her play treasure hunt for her gifts? -> Linked list

Wait! Go back! Is that a ring? -> Stack

Girl’s family not agreeing to your proposal? -> Divide and conquer

Got married? Congrats! Going for your honeymoon? -> Travelling salesman problem

Your mom packing luggage for you? -> 0/1 Knapsack problem

She packed your favorite pickles? -> Hash table

Driving to the airport? -> Breadth-first search

That feeling when lead dev hid a couple of really secret bugs for you, and then left for vacation... *cough* @BinaryProvider 😉

For our office secret Santa one year I drew the boss's name. I don't know him very well as he's a pretty unsociable person, for the first six months of my employment was introduced to clients as the web developer's "little buddy." So I really wanted to do something passive agressive.

I spent a few days trying to find the best prank gifts. I landed on a glitter bomb. I filled a balloon with glitter, puffed just enough air in it so it fit in the box, and rigged it up with an x-acto blade inside which would pop the balloon when you open the top flaps.

It worked fantastically. The balloon popped, glitter went everywhere, the entire office was laughing except the boss. It was days before the glitter started to dissipate from his beard.

I get about 4-5 hours sleep. Like today: I went to work, made my lunch at work, got changed for football, played football from 7-9pm got home at 9:30, cooked, ate, showered and dried my hair and it's now 1am.

Tomorrow I got football training for another team so again I'll be getting into be at about 1am.

Also I forgot go mention ive got to get up at 6 for work And Friday I have to be at the doctors for 7. Yeyyyyy me!!! Don't even ask me about the weekend...

I feel like this classifies as a rant because I don't get to code at the weekends and it kills me 😡😡 especially when I want to contribute to certain packages and said I would. So fuck you social life. Fuck. You.

Ohhh and those fucking 'friends' that guilt trip you into seeing them because "you haven't seen me in ages 😢😢" there's a reason for that Barbra (keeping her identity secret) I'm fucking depressed and tired. Fuck the fuck right off.

Let’s continue with the last rant.

Sometimes, when I wrote notes to myself that are extremely, extremely secret but I don’t plan to use it for more than a day, I use alef-bet.

I have to admmit I’m a disaster with sofit letters and vowels, and that’s why I don’t make secret and long lasting notes in this alphabet (that actually is not even an alphabet, it’s an abyad).

Well, I guess I have too much deadtime 😂

What I tried to write is “Echar una llamada a las 10:30” (Make a call at 10:30). I hope I didn’t write some stupid stuff instead XD

I’m not jew, but I find this writing interesting 🤔 the most hard way to write I’ve ever tried

How rich could you become by selling secret keys found in open source github repo's?

just saw a tweet praising a company because of their choice to use swiss servers and they had a pompous sentance in parenthesis like (upside to banking secret culture)

like, dude, at the end of the day, guaranteed their 'server' is just a linux box somewhere, just like anywhere else in the world just STFU

god i HATE ignorance, hype, and stupid tropes that managers just automatically subscribe to with their 2 brain cell NPC brain

i had a client that would rather buy me a plane ticket and a hotel night to give me a "CD" than send it to me, just because he wasnt able to upload it via mail.
The data was 230MB of excel files.
I ended uploading those files to my Dropbox using teamviewer.

Want to be likeable or get your way through people?

No need to sell ice cream, just validate those insecure souls.

Wide majority does not want their fragile bubble to be broken even if they are suffocating within.

All they seek is validation. That's fucking it. That's the secret.

If someone asks you for some opinion or support, most of the time they are just want to hear how great their mediocre thought process is.

Someone's lack of ability accept criticism and grow is the sole reason they are stuck in quicksand situation and only drowning further.

An unethical social skill but this will take you a long way and also help you stay sane from the insecure narcissistic scums by avoiding toxic interaction.

JUST VALIDATE THEM.

Signal looks like a good app but I have none to write top secret messages to

Wish Microsoft would open-source their secret UWP file explorer because even though it's terrible, they're doing things I can't figure out.

Fuck this client's IT department. They're a bunch of Microsoft asslickers.

How am I supposed to push code to your self-hosted GitLab instance if you restrict me to Citrix RDP????? No OpenVPN access because I'm on Linux?? Seriously? Because I am not using any of your laptops?

FUCK YOU DUMBASSES, I COULD DO A BETTER JOB THAN YOU AND I JUST PLAY WITH LINUX.

When I said I only needed terminal access I would have never imagined they were thinking of Putty inside an RDP. What a steaming shit.

Oh you guys don't have a secret management service as any enterprise should? Oh I cannot add a secret management service as part of the solution I am building for you guys because "Hurr Durr yOu HaVe NoT pUt ThIs In ThE pRoJeCt PrOpOsAl sO nO"

Fuck you guys. You guys only don't want to move to the cloud to not lose your jobs. I would be far more productive than relying on you pieces of dumbassery.

They are all having each others back in using shit technology and practices.

Why do all developers that seem to know their stuff drinks, smokes or both? Is it some sort of a trade secret?

Api key and secret on js variables...

Today’s DevOps public service announcement... don’t test your server provisioning scripts locally. Especially when this gem is in there:

rm -f ~/.ssh/id_rsa
echo ‘vault secret/ssh_key’ > ~/.ssh/id_rsa

Well, I no longer have my key, but the script works! I’m sitting with a very locked down server key

This is what happened today in our dayli:

Lead: We need to profile our software

Me: You can use the chrome devtools as remote profiler, even on prod, or make HAR files for later inspection.

Lead: Yeah but no that’s just collecting data on every tick, we need something like “has been called x times”

Me: Yeah but you can filt -

Lead: Yeah no, so back when I wrote code in Delphi...

Me: *oh god no not this again*

Lead: ... We could have clicked a button in our IDE and it would wrap the function call with the API call to profile that function ...

Me, to the secret dev group in slack: doesn’t a simple method decorator and node performance api help with that?

The people in the group: We had this topic last Friday all day...

Me: oh well *get’s coffee and ignores lead*

When ordering devDucks after best selling php is still in front of c++. I thought we agreed on hating it?

thor's secret...

So i recently started a new Instagram account with new email ID apart from the personal Instagram account which has my friends from Facebook and even from highschool.

The new account was supposed to be a secret, part of an experiment I'm doing with my life choices. And there i only follow people that i look up to. I'm not expecting anyone from real life to follow me their and i prefer if they don't.

Nobody was supposed to know about this new account other than me. But guess what, it seems this account is being advertised to my friends from other account and some of them are following this new account. I'm 99.9% sure they are following just to get a follow back.

I'm feeling shitty about this, but i ain't gonna follow them back. If i need to see their story and photos, I'd get back on my personal account.

Guess I'll have to suck it up and be okay with fact that those "friends" will be seeing my vulnerable side.

Merry 2018 in advance.

If it aint a secret, comment w/ your new years resolution so other lazy fucks can get motivated.

Mine: a 3d game (godot), releasing my data science java libraries, building some kind of robot

Last day at home today. Moving tommorrow for my apprenticeship with a company that'd likely give me a warning/fire me if I say too much about it.

If I disappear off the face of the planet, it's because I have no money for internet yet.

Hiding my secret side project that I spend 69% of my free time thinking about and 11% of my free time working on.

Apartment management: Hey folks. Elevator #4 is getting a software upgrade so it will not be in service for a few weeks. While we’re doing the upgrade, the elevator call button next to elevator #1 will only call that elevator. The other call button will call elevators 2 and 3. Please press only one button. If you press both, you’re requesting two elevators to come to you and this slows elevator arrival time for other residents. Thank you.

99% of residents: Ah ha! You told us the secret. We’re going to press both call buttons because we choose chaos 😈

Christmas Party (2016) SPOILER ALERT

you've been warned

mental discussion I had yesterday after watching Christmas Party:

Hacker me: "I wonder if is really this easy take down the internet connection of an entire city........... maybe I'll google it around and see"

Normal Person me: "Let me get this straight you're thinking to google 'how to take down city internet'? ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT???? DO YOU REALIZE IN WHICH KIND OF WORLD WE LIVE NOW? DO YOU REALLY WANT THE SECRET SERVICE OF 5 DIFFERENT COUNTRY TO KICK DOWN YOUR DOOR AT 5 IN THE MORNING???????"

My boss and I, with a normal morning greeting in slack

Me: morning boss, how are you?

Boss: very good and you?

Me: marvelous. hey boss, do you have a secret entry to your office? I didn't see you coming

Boss: hahaha, front door :| . And I greeted everyone too

Me: :( sorry

Boss: Microsleep 😂

Me: 😎 nope, extreme concentration

Me: it's a new development methodology, born from extreme programming

Boss: 😶

There was a kid in my programming class that was convinced that in the next 10 years ai would become self aware and seek for the destruction of its creators.

I wasted 20 minutes of my life trying to explain down how ai sentience would have to be an intentional decision by the group creating the ai

Of course, he spun around and tried to explain how secret government organizations are already working on general intelligence that would run on quantum computers to shut down enemy governments.

Maybe with people willing to believe anything the world is doomed after all :/

!rant

I received a pair of complements on how well I run team meetings after an engineering all staff this morning. Received a similar comment last week.

Someone asked “what’s your secret?”

I reply “Laziness”

“What?”

“I’m lazy. I don’t like meetings most of the time. So when I run meetings, I run them so that they’re over as fast as possible”

“How do you do that?”

“By knowing what I actually want”

“What if you don’t know what you want?”

“Then there’s no meeting”

“Well what if y-“

“Hey listen I have another meeting to get to”

Have you ever hid a secret message within your source code?

I’m hired as pizza making burger flipper for $12/hr since I have no formal schooling and then I am walked out back to the utility room to do what cooks REALLY DO... Secret network engineering and admin... Never fails... They always find out and I always end up replacing whatever company or person they used for tech/admin work.

Time to at least get some Oracle certs and a nano degree!

There is just one thing that's been haunting me.

One.

Thing.

That I have yet to succeed at doing.

One thing.

That I have yet to understand it's mazehole.

ONE THING.

That I failed me as a developer.

How in the FUCK do I create my own mail server with my own domain name? HOW? JUST FUCKING HOWWWWW

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SECRET!

WHAT AM I MISSING!!!!!

(no don't tell me about any of those office 365/GoDaddy/Windows bullshit, just guide me with something normal)

Myself

The place is poorly run, I drink beer at my desk in secret or worse have tantrums like a 2 year.

Anyone else as excited as me to find out about the secret new feature?

Soo why the fuck am I receiving notifications about someone from my contacts is available on messenger, when you don't fucking have the permissions to read my contacts? I'm looking at you Facebook Messenger.

That's some new level of ignorance. "Oh I see you didn't gave me the permissions to read your contacts. Worry not my friend just let me take a secret peek of it. I will be discreet, I promise!"... Well FUCK YOU!

P.S.: I only use that piece of garbage because unfortunately some of my friends are only available there... Time to convince them to switch.

Our most popular bank sends secret codes via GET parameter 😞

Seriously? WHY THE FUCK, are there no English speaking, no god damn accent tutorial videos on YouTube regarding VLSI design, or hell even any of the fucken layout tools ... allllllll of them in very strong Indian accent .. OR not even spoken in English... the fuck folks? Some of them are “ok” to understand but I can’t get past the accent of speeding up and slowing down, and repeating the words and phrases, and then emphasizing shit like a question, but turning it into a unneeded statement, emphasizing the wrong shit... uggh I just wanna pull my fucken hair out.

Americans either are keeping VLSI knowledge a secret.. or nobody who fucken speaks English knows wtf they doing.. and that’s scary.

Do any other junior devs get secret joy when the architects and senior devs argue out on open?

So finally switching devices. No more porting latest android to 2012 device. No no. 2015 now. Yeah thats quite the update right there. Will still use my lovely xperia SP as daily and Z1 compact as dev device. Yes i know it sounds weird to use older device as the nain one but i love this phone to bits.

I kind of let down the community tho. I promised them stable 8.1 but that woudlnt just work. Promises and nothing from it. Well now i know why everybody is keeping it a secret at what they work on so this doesnt happen to them. Yeah lesson learnt. Xperia P community im deeply sorry. I let you down.

I worked at a software house that made web based applications. Management in secret spent a lot of money outsourcing their new website. The outsourced company made basically what could have been a static website but with their own massive proprietary cms behind it for no reason. It ran really slowly and used no technology we used in house. Needless to say I was so annoyed when I saw it.

Part of the idea they had for this thing was to attract new developers to work there, the disconnect between management and reality was so big you could nearly fit their incompetence in it.

Well... Well... What a multi-talented personality...
Every connection I see on LinkedIn has these buzz words in their tag line: AI/ML, Cryptocurrency, Blockchain.
This guy even has Smart City...!!!
Don't know how many of them are legit... I just don't understand each of these techs are so vast... Still people manage to get expert in all of them in just few days... What's the secret...?

@dfox

Just read your announcement

Great to know that everything is goin excellent 👍
Cheers 🍻

And really excited about the secret feature 😀

And all the developers who have initiated open source devRant related projects / bots deserve a squishy ball 😁

So, I was making a sort of "pre-autumn-cleaning" on some of my accounts (changing passwords, secret answers, canceling accounts/subscriptions, etc), when I arrive to devRant and go to the settings option just to found these options...

So... Really ಠ_ಠ? "Logout" and "Delete Account" are the only settings available via web browser?

I know that I can't expect the full range of settings that are present on the mobile app, but what the hell, I was expecting a little more than that...

Riddle:

Alice and bob want to communicate a secret message, lets say it is an integer.
We will call this msg0.
You are Chuck, an interloper trying to spy on them and decode the message.

For keys, alice chooses a random integer w, another for x, and another for y. she also calculates a fourth variable, x+y = z
Bob follows the same procedure.

Suppose the numbers are too large to bruteforce.

Their exchange looks like this.
At step 1, alice calculates the following:

msg1 = alice.z+alice.w+msg0
she sends this message over the internet to bob.
the value of msg1 is 20838

then for our second step of the process, bob calculates msg2 = bob.z+bob.w+msg1
msg2 equals 32521
he then sends msg2 to alice, and again, you intercept and observe.

at step three, alice recieves bob's message, and calculates the following: msg3 = msg2-(alice.x+alice.w+msg0)
msg3 equals 19249. Alice sends this to bob.

bob calculates msg4 = msg3-(bob.x+bob.w)
msg4 equals 11000.
he sends msg4 to alice

at this stage, alice calculates ms5.
msg5 = (msg4-(alice.y)+msg0.
alice sends this to bob.

bob recieves this final message and calculates
the sixth and final message, which is the original hidden msg0 alice wanted to send:
msg6 = msg5-bob.y

What is the secret message?
I'll give anyone who solves it without bruteforcing, a free cookie.

@dfox I recently started playing around with Neo4j and find it really fun to work with. Would there be any way to get hold of parts of the devRant graph/graphs? Not private or secret stuff of course - only public parts of rants, tags and users. It would be fun to to play around with and analyze.

Problem:
some folks left the angular codebase full of ridicolous console.logs, client was upset as he noticed it during UAT

Solution:
1. add extra script in main template page
window.console.log = function(){};
2. translate it into JSFuck
3. if they ask, pretend it's a super-secret encryption algorithm to improve security

When a bunch of unit tests start failing locally because the AWS secret key got rotated.
oh wait...
THOSE AREN’T UNIT TESTS!!!
Unit tests do not depend on any external system, that includes AWS...
AAARRGHHHHH

My AP CompSci teacher, now 15 years ago, inspired me to always reach further than I thought possible. I was creating neural networks in C++ before my first internship. It was amazing.

I mourned his loss when he passed away, but now I offer him thanks when success comes my way at work. I still feel like he is helping me as my secret angel of software development.

Why not release the devrant (mobile+web) client on github (and maybe gitlab for people that would actually contribute but are special about the usage of github) so people could contribute to it, leading to faster progress? I thought about it now for a bit and couldn't see any problems with that, since the current apk can be anyway unpacked via freely available tools (appcelerator doesn't make it too hard either anyway 😕) and the website/api isn't any secret either (see the 4000 clients getting patched together out of zombie like api calls)

I've got it! truly successful developers have the ability to give generic ambiguous answers for every issue ever raised.

During uni times, I was working part-time in a private security firm. A co-worker, I hadn't known yet, was assigned to a 12 hour night shift with me guarding some secret weapon, which was quite boring.
So we talked about life and other things and found out that we both had great interests in building and using PCs. This has lead to a great friendship and dozens of PC we've built, modded and overclocked together.

Security in defense is a joke.

New hire does not have accts set up told him over and over!

He decides to go into a classified area and just try. Common last name with first initial.

Guess what he was able to get in because no one changed the default password!

Yep now someone with an interim clearance got access to a machine that goes from unclass to secret and then top secret!

Hey guys, some of you might know this but for those who do not, there is an april fools HTTP error code which is 418, it's description is 'I\'m a teapot' #TheMoreYouKnow

(felt the need to escape sorry not sorry)

never have I ever:
boomers:
- never have I ever cheated on my husband!
- never have I ever paid my mortgage on time!
- never have I ever left my car uninsured!

zoomers:
- never have I ever found a logically sound justification to continue living
- never have I ever had a social interaction without voices in my head telling me my whole life is a secret plot to betray me spectacularly at the end
- never have I ever coped with the realization that the fabric of my reality itself is nothing but assumptions that hardened into beliefs
- never have I ever felt that my life after I started to take my prescriptions is something but a bland, ironed out shadow of what a functioning member of society should feel

Working hard to meet crazy deadline to finish last update before new product announcement to make it look better. Our CEO blabs about new top secret product at some conference throwing away all marketing efforts up to date and putting marketing team into panic mode. Result? They moved the announcement date without discussing it with development. Result? Our efforts and overtimes wasted and we are announcing product before it is ready. End result? I'm pissed so I wrote angry e-mail to our CEO. Wondering what will happen now :-) But with unfinished announced product and crazy deadlines they need me a lot more than I need them.

Oh no! Mozilla found out about my secret... I'm a doggo.

how do you devs deal with computer/screen headaches?

I’m a CS student, and last year at my software internship i had a pounding headache literally every day at work (worked 40 hours a week). I started drinking like 6 bottles of water a day and popping advil like candy, but i want to avoid them this summer.

any of you l33t vet devs have any secret tricks for these?

thx thx

I'm facing a conundrum. I saw a job posting for <Company A> weeks ago, but wasn't really interested and moved on.

Got in touch with a standalone recruitment company today who had an exciting job offer. The recruiter refused to tell me the name of the company until he spoke to me as they directed him to not disclose the name of the company or any details until he has verified the candidate is genuine. To my absolute shock and disbelief it was <Company A>!!!!

So heres the conundrum. External recruiters don't lie, why would they? Clearly this company MUST keep their hiring top secret, and some poor employee didn't get the memo before posting that job publicly. Should I report the <Company A> employee?

I don't want to report them and get them in trouble, but feel I must in order to help the company fix this leak ... before its too late ... and people find out the are hiring!

Thoughts?

If you're not going to update your API documentation please just delete it. I spent two hours trying to use the example only to discover SECRET REST PARAMETERS that solved my problem.

If it weren't for the hero bitching in the comments about the missing documentation I would never have gotten this to work.

I didn't WANT to do it, but he left me no choice. He was about to tell everyone the secret that I'd kept for such a long time. I couldn't allow him to do that.

I'm still debating whether it was me who pulled the trigger, I never wanted to, but I did, it changed me.

Now I've been living with his wife, his children, in his house, with his parents and family. I've been to countless reunions and everybody seems to enjoy having me around, claiming that I've 'changed' and become a better person.

My old self seems to have faded away into nothingness, I don't know if I should be happy with that. But I do know one thing,

If such a situation were to come up one more, I'd do it again.

Today, I got some crap on my desk with possible bug reports from the field. They have been lingering somewhere for fucking MONTHS, and suddenly, an immediate answer was due. I was the unlucky one who was the least clueless about the product involved. SHIT.

OK, sifted through the reports. Some of them were duplicate, others obviously not our problem. No idea where to even start for the rest. FUCK, it's Friday!

But here comes "senior dev secret knowledge"(tm). Instead of sa