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Dev: Microsoft is shit
VS Code: (ಥ⌣ಥ)
Dev: Oh not you dear! You're not like the other guys
VS Code: (｡◕‿◕｡)45 -
Today I learned:
`/usr` stands for “universal system resources” not “user”
`/dev` stands for “device” not “development”
Had no idea.30 -
PM: Can you finish this in four weeks?
Dev: yeah sure, I can finish that in four weeks
Narrator: the dev could not finish it in four weeks10 -
Frontend Dev: That's not possible in Frontend, we should do it in Backend.
Backend Dev: That's not possible in Backend, we should do it in Frontend.
-- CIVIL WAR --27 -
Sometimes I feel frontend development is like ancient magic:
Backend Dev: Oh no, I can't align this DIV properly.
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Flexius Boxius on the DIV *
* Div aligns slightly better *
BE Dev: But it's not centered!
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Marginis Automaticus! *
* Rolls natural 1 *
* Everything collapses *
* Website is on fire *
* Product owner cries *
FE Dev: No worries!
* Casts Flexius Boxius level 5 on the parent div *
* Everything looks beautiful *
* People are in awe *
FE Dev: You are welcome!
* Adjusts his robe and leaves *8 -
Providing work estimation:
Dev: This should take about 2 weeks
Non dev: Really? But it's so simple. Shouldn't be that long right? I think it can be done in one week.
*After one week*
Non dev: Why is it still not done? I thought you only need one week?9 -
Why is this CSS not updating???
Ctrl + F5
Still!!!
Let's check in incognito..
F*CK, really!!!!
.... Ooooooh right I'm checking prod not dev.9 -
*Battle music*
Wild customer appeared!
dev used Ubuntu
It's not very effective...
Foe customer used Stupid Feature-Request
It's super effective!
dev is confused!
dev hurt itself in its confusion!
dev used Reasoning
dev's attack missed!
Foe customer used Ridiculous Feature-Request
It's super effective!
dev used Rage Quit
dev fled using its Rage Quit
...
2 -
Manager: You really shouldn’t be doing that
Dev: It’s in my job description
Manager: Yeah but you still shouldn’t be doing it.
Dev: Who should I hand it off to?
Manager: We don’t have anyone else to hand off that task to.
Dev: Ok, do I stop doing it?
Manager: 😡 Of course not, it needs to get done! I’m just saying you shouldn’t do it.
Dev: ???????????13 -
Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?
Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.
Manager: Isn’t that for video games?
Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—
Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!
Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.
Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?
Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.
Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.
Dev: …26 -
I like you if you're not a dev.
I like you if you're a dev.
I don't like you if you're not a dev but you try to act one.7 -
Manager: Have you fixed the problem?
Dev: What’s the problem?
Manager: We’re not here to discuss problems we’re here to discuss solutions!
Dev: …11 -
Not a dev post, just wanted to share :) just for your viewing pleasure - My first pics taken using a low budget camera and ‘scope.
11 -
Interviewer: So are you familiar with our company and what we do?
Dev: I looked at your website, looks like you build tools for managing restaurants.
Interviewer: No. That’s not even close.
Dev: ?
Interviewer: What we do is create an ecosystem of integrated data centres all orchestrated for immediate stakeholder utilization.
Dev: But the product itself…. it’s a user interface for tracking inventory. Of like…. burgers…. and bottles of wine.
Interviewer: It’s not a product! It’s a data……habitat!!
Dev: …
Dev: So does that make your users animals?
Interviewer: 😡. Unfortunately it looks like you do not see our vision and would not be a good fit for this role.
Dev: Agreed.27 -
Interviewer: Do you know what Kubernetes is?
Dev: Yeah, that’s the greek god of spending money in the cloud.
Interviewer: Actually Kubernetes is an orchestration tool. Have you not been on a project that uses it yet?
Dev: …9 -
Dev: Sam’s a little nervous about taking his paid leave. I guess it’s not common in Nigeria. He needs to hear from the company that taking time off like that is acceptable.
HR: THAT’S SO INAPPROPRIATE! YOU CAN’T ASSUME HE’S FRON NIGERIA JUST BECAUSE HE’S BLACK. BLACK PEOPLE HAVE A VERY RICH AND DIVERSE CULTURE, THEY ARE NOT ALL FROM NIGERIA!!!
Dev: Sam is from Nigeria. He told me so. He tells me a lot of stories from there.
HR: …
Dev: Can you tell me something about Sam besides his skin colour?
HR: …
Dev: …13 -
When so called developers "fixes" things by setting 777 on directories...
Please do not call yourself a dev26 -
Dev submitting PR: “Testing instructions: Self explanatory”
Dev reviewing PR: You need to be a bit more verbose than that.
Dev submitting PR: “Testing instruction: Feature should work as expected”
Dev reviewing PR: *sigh*… Feature doesn’t work as expected
Dev submitting PR: WHAT IS NOT WORKING AS EXPECTED??? I NEED MORE DETAIL THAN THAT!!
Dev reviewing PR: …….So do I you muppet5 -
A story of the backend dev. from our client:
"I used !important once now I'm not allowed to do frontend anymore :("17 -
I just got handed a legacy php web project... Full of vulnerabilities... And it's using only mysql_ functions... Not only it's not OOP, there is not even a single class...
How good it's coded: User profiles are created manually by the frontend dev as htmls, and then the past php dev implemented them as links etc in the current page.
This is how I feel:
6 -
Now I am not a web dev but I just stumbled upon Electron and envied all web devs.Seems fun being a web dev
20 -
Dev from other team asked me for a code I had previously written. I emailed it.
Dev: Thanks, I received it but am not able to open the .py file
Me: Try using Microsoft Word.12 -
About two years ago I get roped into a something when someone was requesting an $8000 laptop to run an "program" that they wrote in Excel to pull data from our mainframe.
In reality they are using our normal application that interacts with the mainframe and screen scrapping it to populate several Excel spreadsheets.
So this guy kept saying that he needed the expensive laptop because he needed the extra RAM and processing power for his application. At the time we only supported 32 bit Windows 7 so even though I told him ten times that the OS wouldn't recognize more than 3.5 GB of RAM he kept saying that increasing the RAM would fix his problem. I also explained that even if we installed the 64 bit OS we didn't have approval for the 64 bit applications.
So we looked at the code and we found that rather than reusing the same workbook he was opening a new instance of a workbook during each iteration of his loop and then not closing or disposing of them. So he was running out of memory due to never disposing of anything.
Even better than all of that, he wanted a faster processor to speed up the processing, but he had about 5 seconds of thread sleeps in each loop so that the place he was screen scrapping from would have time to load. So it wouldn't matter how fast the processor was, in the end there were sleeps and waits in there hard coded to slow down the app. And the guy didn't understand that a faster processor wouldn't have made a difference.
The worst thing is a "dev" that thinks they know what they are doing but they don't have a clue.7 -
Me as interviewer: So how often do you post on dev rant and how far are you into game of thrones?
Interviewee: Not a fan and what's dev-
Me as interviewer: Ok I think I have all the info I need5 -
PM : Have you finished the login issues?
Me, junior dev: No mister.
PM: Why not? You're going to delay the sprint.
Me: The other PM told me not to do it.
When you're the only dev in a project with two managers, life suddenly feels like you're back to 5 years old with your parents arguing all the time.6 -
Biggest dev insecurity?
Probably http://
It’s not secure at all, never feeling very confident when browsing that protocol.5 -
Dev manager: Can you fix this issue?
Me: Yeah, but i cant reproduce it using the explanation given in the ticket. Can i get a step by step guide and a confirmation that the issue is reproducible.
Dev manager: you're the lead dev, you figure it out.
askdjasfkjksadjkasd!!
Do you want me to spend an hour not developing things trying to guess? because that is how you make me spend an hour not developing things6 -
Best part of being a dev ?
You don't need college degree.
You will never get bored even if you are alone.
You can learn everything yourself, online.
Last but not the least, Being the dev is awesome in itself. :)5 -
Other Dev left just as we hit beta and refactored all his code without documentation... Not even fucking comments...10
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Recruiter Email: We need experience in Doker!
Dev: I could potentially be interested, what is this new technology? I've never heard of Doker!
Recruiter: It's not super new, it's the traditional Doker! You know, good ol' Doker!
Dev: Like Poker? Or Joker? 🤡
Recruiter: What?
Dev: What?9 -
Not entirely dev related.
Just wondering if I'm the only one on here who actually EATS coffee beans regularly?
😐43 -
Manager: Hey Dev I need to do QA on this PR.
Dev: That PR is not finished yet
Manager: Well do QA now anyway, that way when it is finished it can be merged in right away since QA has already been done on it. It’s a project management technique called “fast-tracking” and it improves efficiency.
Dev: …9 -
"Use a .dev domain? Not anymore."
Just read a medium article and thought some would be interested in reading it too, as I personally didn't know many of the information published there, for example:
- .dev gTLD belongs to google and nobody can register one
- .dev TLD are required to have a secure connection in chromium/chrome from now on, forcing you to use self signed certs across all development machines
"When applications opened for gTLDs in 2012, Google didn’t just apply for .dev. They applied for 101 gTLDs, including .google, .play, and .app. However, Google wasn’t the only company to apply for many of these gTLDs. For some applications, it took years for applicants to negotiate who would end up with the rights to the name. Google’s application for .dev was pending for over a year. Finally, in December 2014, their application for .dev was granted."
"In 2015, Chromium added the entire .google TLD to the HSTS preload list with little fanfare. It was the first and only TLD entry in the list for two years, until .dev was added in September and shortly followed by .foo, .page, .app, and .chrome — all Google-owned gTLDs."
Source: “Use a .dev domain? Not anymore.” @koop https://medium.engineering/use-a-de...
35 -
hey everyone, I'm new to Dev rant. not quite sure what to say. so i guess I'll just observe.
cheers3 -
Non-dev thing that made me a better dev?
Music, and trying to learn music theory. I was never very good at it, still am not, but the harder I try at this, the easier programming becomes...7 -
!rant
Finally back to coding at the new office. Better connection speed. Wider space. Own toilet.
Guess you won't see new posts from me anytime soon.
Just gonna enjoy the rest of your miseries from my chilled desk.
😎5 -
DevDucks. By the plumage you can tell they're arch master race. Seen today while out in the daylight.
12 -
Dev: My VM is not working. Something is wrong with VM.
Me: Have you made any changes to the code?
Dev: It shouldn't matter my VM is not working.
[I go and check the Dev's VM.]
Me: ಠ_ಠ The build output literally states your unit tests failed -
Recruiter: Hello I’m recruiting for an exciting opportunity at a rapidly growing company with loads of potential
Dev: *Looks up company on google*
Dev: Their stock has been declining for the past 2 years. 3 months ago their valuation just dropped by 80%…. How are they growing?
Recruiter: Oh that happened to every company at the end of 2021.
Dev: …I guarantee you it did not.
Recruiter: …
Dev: …6 -
!dev, sort of
Days like today make me not ready for Monday. Goddamnit nature, why you gotta be so pristine?
15 -
Hire a separate team to implement what the dev did and see them fail miserably.
Then ask the dev for the source code and try to adapt the original solution to your own needs, and, ofc, fail at that too.
Then keep your pride high and not ask the dev to help you
Boosts self-confidence every time :)4 -
Well, my dev sin is...
Basically every project of mine is not commented, is not unit tested and doesn't have any kind of documentation.
But I try to remove my bad habit!1 -
A dev I know has changed his LinkedIn job title to “software extraordinaire”
... and he’s hopeless so it’s not even true2 -
My wife asked what "Soapy" was on my laptop. She was referring to SoapUI, but told me the U must be silent ;)
-
One thing I've noticed about devRant is the ratio of web dev/mobile dev posts to database/architecture/big data dev posts. There's A LOT of you web peeps out there, and not enough data dudes, which I guess justifies my constant demand, salary and lack of competition. Just an observation.9
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"This pub is famous for its pork dishes. And I usually buy liquor from that stop, quality approved."
- one dev friend
// said "best advice"
// not "best dev advice"2 -
I know this isn’t dev related at all but...
Nor is it a question, as my fat finger set it to...
Eminem just dropped a surprise album at midnight last night. No promotion, no bullshit. Just straight hip hop.
And the album cover is a throw back to the beastie boys!
If you can’t tell already, I am super pumped about this!!!
17 -
Dev: Hey I need something from Team B
Manager: Ok I’ll get it from them now
Dev: Unfortunately they have the current time blocked off as uninterrupted coding time for the next two hours.
Manager: Yeah that means they’re not occupied by anybody else. It’s the best time to get a hold of them!
Dev: …4 -
!rant
This is a nice community and this app is a great too. No ads or promotions are also there. So how does app manage financially ,i know there is a swag store but is that enough .As community gets larger, more resources are needed to keep everyone happy ryt ? more servers etc..
Will there be a different model when this expands ?
!dev15 -
!dev
I just opened an Instagram live video for the first time. It was a video from Snoop Dogg and I thought...
“I can almost smell the chronic he is smoking on”
... then I remember I live in Vancouver BC and that smell is the 80 year old man and his wife smoking a joint at the crosswalk.
—> I like the place I live :) -
Husband's birthday. Out in downtown Wiesbaden celebrating if any german ranters are nearby. I suck at planning so i'm sorry for the late notice3
-
Pick his nose and well
You know what happened next..
Hey! You said what another dev did, not mandatory dev related! Exploited the question5 -
Client dev inlined all my single line functions as it's "more efficient".
Speechless is not the word.14 -
PM : "I will not tolerate this."
Me : "I don't like it either inside callbacks."
Fellow dev sitting next to me : *facepalm*6 -
*Senior Dev:* Ah yes, we need to put try-catch in every function to handle errors and Logger.Log() at the beginning.
*Me:* Is not better to define a global error handler and use the stacktrace instead of doing all that?
*Senior Dev*: ...
*Senior Dev*: Is a rule here, do what I'm telling you.3 -
Can I just say, this community is awesome. All Dev talk, all the time. It's like Facebook but not complete s***!
PS: UK Dev rant meet up has to go down. We can't have the yanks outdoing us.6 -
Top reason to not be a dev?
Because you could't get through 9th grade Algebra you dumb piece of shit.5 -
BI dev: Hey, can you help me with my SQL query?
Me: Sure, let me see it.
BI dev: sends screenshot - not even the whole query, literally a screenshot with a segment of text in it. No errors showing either.
Me: ...7 -
I could not do anything else. Physics, Chemistry, Biology didn't interest me.
Tried competitve programming, failed miserably.
Tried app dev and server dev, they surprise me with their awesomeness everyday :D1 -
My biggest regret working for a company that is not willing to buy decent dev machine when they actually can afford it.
-
Not sure if this counts as a dev skill but
Not needing sleep anymore.
Imagine how much time you had if you didn't need to waste several hours a day just sleeping4 -
1. Master react
2. Finish my grad thesis
3. Get a react dev job
p.s. Not necessarily in that order.1 -
I was wondering about switching from android dev to ios dev.
Any idea about this?
Do you recommand or not?10 -
> Have nothing to do with programming
> Starts shitty coding bootcamp online, possibly for free
> Learns html/css/js course
> Builds to-do app (dont know how to deploy it with anything but github pages, but who cares)
> Takes a week to finish course
> Gets e-certificate and posts it on LinkedIn
> Adds web and front end dev as Professional Skill on LinkedIn
.
.
.
> Complains how bad the tech industry is for 'new entries and beginners'2 -
Unpopular opinion:
- It's not a guarantee that someone who gets into tech because he/she likes gaming will be a good dev
- It's not a guarantee that someone who gets into tech because he/she likes money will be a bad dev.3 -
My Favorite Senior Dev: Hmm, I don't understand this error.
Neighboring, Competent SQL Developer Coworker: What does it say?
Senior Dev: It says, "Cannot insert the value NULL into column 'person', table 'PEOPLE'; column does not allow nulls..."
*5 minute silence*4 -
this fucking senior dev, just send the following messages:
pull development,
Did yarn install
now yarn dev does not work.....
BRO: READ THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE!
It's plain English!
Seriously wtf.2 -
I'm not a web dev but I am pretty sure it is not so easy!
TNW just lost it's respect from me for this click bait!
3 -
I'm still a student, not dev yet.
Thanks for reminding me that I don't completely belong in here😂11 -
Never had the situation to give advice to a new dev. But I have an idea anyways: Give that dev a problem, which is above beginner level and watch the dev. If the dev rage quits and doesn't want to try again, then the new dev will not be happy with the job. But if the dev achieves to collect all knowledge to handle the problem, even if the solution is not the most elegant way, then the dev will have fun with the profession.2
-
!dev but devRant has become "not dev" sadly.
Time to say bye to the racist kindergarden it has become!
How many more outdated country clichés can they possible come up with? "Thick Indian accent", "hard-working Nazi Germans" bla bla bla ...
If you're not interested in dev anymore why don't you join the European Parliament or a local pub where you can discuss your "ethnic" bullshit with other right-wing retards dreaming of remigration. Fuck you idiots, seriously!
/me logs off.7 -
A bit long read but worth it for every dev to become a better dev.
No no, not from me.
From Linus Torvalds himself.
https://lkml.org/lkml/2017/... -
Watching reviewers on a website review the new Eminem album 12 hours after its release is like watching a 10 year old review a scientific paper by Stephen Hawking with a quick skim.
Yes, the child should be entitled to their opinion. But No, no one with any sense should be listening to this child’s opinion.
If you gave a lil pump “album” a 7/10 and Kamikaze a 4/10 then your opinion is invalid, end of story.
But it’s all good. 95% of people are stupid and that’s just how it works, it’s nothing to be angry about. Just try to be in the 5%.
End of rant.8 -
!Dev
Sitting in a bus on 19 hour ride with my class to England a few things to rant about came to my mind:
Why the fuck do you have to blast shitty german rap music out of your fucking JBL boxes and why do you have to turn up the volume so much that I can still hear it although I am wearing headphones, listening to music and sitting 5 fucking rows in front of you.
Also why the fuck do clocks in buses never display the right time? How hard can it be to make the clock display the right fucking time?
Another thing: why does this bus which is especially made for long rides not have a fucking trash can?! Seriously wtf?
Rants aside I am really looking forward to staying in England for a week although I won't have a computer for the next week :(
Another thing: why the fuck is the coffee you get at pull-ins so fucking disgusting ?
Like srsly, it is made by a machine and still tastes like thrown-up.
And why the fuck does everyone look weirdly at you when you buy a can of red bull but everything is fine when someone my age drinks 3+ liters of beer and then throws up? What the fuck? People look at me weirdly when I tell them that I don't drink any alcohol, heck I am actually not even allowed to do so because I am 15 and not 16 (beer is allowed in Germany if you are 16+ but nobody really cares about that). Heck where I am from they even encourage you to drink beer? What the fuck??!!
Anyway looking forward to England and also sorry about the long non-dev related rant. Just had to rant about some people and society.
P.S. do you know any (preferably free) Android apps / games where you have to code or just solve problems with logic?14 -
there is a dev in our company who actually does this:
if()
{
}
and not this:
if(){
}
This is unreal.21 -
That moment when you realize that the iOS dev uploaded to ITunes Store an app pointing to the devel IP and not the production one Omg! (i'm an android dev)2
-
Not my rant, but this person can probably use some devRant in his/her life. Go read the full tweet and his/her replies here.
Buck up for a very very long read.
https://twitter.com/gravislizard/...
There was quite the argument storm in (a) similar rant(s) here, so hope peeps don’t mind how this is just adding to the pile. The tweet uses a lot of web examples and bashed really hard on them.
PS: I do web dev myself, but I have to agree to certain nasty things about it.
9 -
My brother (not a dev) asked me for help for his A* algorithm he's trying to optimize.
I'm so proud5 -
Unlimited power to do anything with any electronic devices.
Every movie contains a developer(hacker).
Can make non dev shut up with neat dev terms.
Completely understand silicon valley and Mr.Robot(non dev do not get the things like github, method, etc.),
And yeah most importantly devRant. -
Well... This look's fine...
(This is supposed to be my dev terminal not some twat mix of random colours...)
-
!dev
Is there any other place in this world besides Switzerland where you get a fucking fine of ~ $40 for driving ONE bloody km/h too fast??? It’s about 0.7mph.. (after subtracting tolerance to be fair)
In other countries I drive they wouldn’t fine at all because it’s not worth the effort..1 -
A friend of mine and I are about to open a company and we're hiring a developer to develop websites, no specific needs, it literally just have to work.
We found this guy, who develops goodlooking websites, but isn't really a developer, meaning that he just uses visual composers. (which doesn't differ too much from what we want).
Well this guy kinda loves us because we're actual developers who know how to code "properly".
It's the first time someone likes me just bc I'm a developer and I'm already superhappy!
Hope it will get good soon enough! -
An incomplete list of 2018 personal dev goals:
* do more web development (It's fun. In a crude way.)
* finish the smart lamp I started building in 2016 ...
* fix up more electronic devices while learning their inner workings
* learn Python and some other language
* get myself a blog again
* get that testautomation thing which is haunting me in my dreams already to production
* be more relaxed
* do some home automation while not cursing all that much -
Not purely dev related but I’d love to make a living out of creating my own products/startups. The dream.3
-
Dev goals on the 1st of January:
- learn vulkan
- get a good paying job
Dev goals on the 3rd of January:
- not getting drafted2 -
Not a rant, not even dev related..
I'm just soooo super excited & happy for Janja Garnbret, she won first ever olympic gold in climbing.. woop wooop! -
I guess this is not necessarily a dev question but ...
To those who had a burnout / depression how did you manage to pull through ? How long was the process for you ?9 -
The best part of the day: when someone from SEO tells you how easy adding/updating an extension in magento2 should be.... Uhm, excuse me.2
-
Culture.
Everybody seems to fuck it up. (Most ignore it entirely)
Everybody seems to undervalue it’s importance. (Its value cannot be overstated)
Everybody seems to think it is a luxury for successful companies. (Instead of being a major part of what got them their success)
Everybody seems to think having beer in the fridge is culture, or some other perk. (I like beer and shit, but that’s not culture unless your company makes fucking beer!)
Everybody seems to think that a value statement is culture. (Your employees don’t give a fuck if you want to “provide value to X industry)
And guess, fucking, what...
Everyone is wrong. That’s why 9/10 startups fail, because the founders and CEO are dumbasses.
Here’s some pretty simple advice for life...
“Don’t be a fucking dumbass”
- Me3 -
bug comment in the tracker, from the new junior dev, during her first week:
"probably fixed by [other dev]".
Among the unhelpful comments, this was a special gem. really special. a What the Fuck did you mean by that special. Was it fixed or not? who fixed it? [other dev]? someone else?
it was better not to have any comment at all.
later that junior became a really good dev... -
I'm not a dev, but the laziest thing I do is probably not programming at all or just copying stuff without much thinking... just not really trying1
-
While watching 'theory of everything'
Mom: Even Stephen had a girlfriend.
Me: I'm a dev, not a scientist! -
Yet another day at my company, Im rewriting some old code for client (rewriting old, php 4 system for vindications managment) and you know the moment when you are focused and someone comes to you to absolutely ruin your focus. Fine, whatever. Oh, for fuck sake. Again dev is doing as support becouse one moron with second can't login into zimbra admin panel and add fucking mailbox. I show them exacly how they login, remind them they are admins too, slowly show them, so you click "manage" than you click that gear icon and than you click "new", fill in email address and password. As simple as 1-2-3. Okay, fuck it, time to go for a cig. I just finish up few lines and stand, grab my vape and start walking towards door. In door I find my buddy with 2 random people. He told me that they are interns and that I should show them some basics and stuff around that. Oh god, fuck my life. If anything, Im definitely very bad teacher, mainly becouse I often have problems with saying what I mean in the way that somebody actually understans and knows what I am trying to say. Whatever. Fuck it all. I grab two of our old laptops that nobody used in like a year or so, and first thing I quickly figure out, is that one day for some what the fuck reason I dont even dont bothered to remember I installed Arch on both while I dont usually use Arch. I just needed it for some specific reason. Whatever. So I guess I will need to upgrade fucking system. Our network isn't really great so that was like... hour or so. In the meantime I figured what they know about coding in general etc, and holly shit. One of them (there was boy and girl), girl, apparently never ever in her life even touched code. Well... fuck. Why am I wasting my time? Becouse there was some programme or some shit like that... Someone could tell me before so I could mentally prepare.. fuck it. whatever. So while laptops are doing their pacman thing, I sit with them and slowly start to explain based on my machine some really basic concepts. Second guy actually had some expirience, he knew how to make some really really basic logic and stuff, so he had another world of problems, becouse it was PHP and, as we all know, everyone hates PHP, and... yeah.. You can probably imagine his approach. Yes, you get user input in super global array. I really wanted to say "Now shut the fuck up and write that fucking $_POST".
hour or so passed, I was close to giving up to not let my anger rise (im not really good teacher... I mentioned it. I suck at teaching others) but luckly machines upgraded. He wanted to use visual studio code, she didnt care too much, so I installed phpstorm in trial mode. whatever. Since that's linux and they were not comfortable with that, I walked them through installing LAMP stack, and when finally it started to look like LAMP stack, I requested them to google how to install xdebug, becouse xdebug is very usefull and googling skill is your best weapon on that field. I go for cig, come back and what I see boiled me a little bit. The girl was stuck looking at github page randomly looking through xdebug source code and idk... hoping for miracle (she admited she thought there will be instructions somewhere) and the guy was in good place, xdebug has a place to paste your phpinfo() for custom instructions. But it didn't work for him, he claims that wizzard told him it cant help him.. hmm intresting, you are sure you pasted in phpinfo? yes, he is sure. Okay, show me.
Again mindblown how someone can have problems with reading.
so his phpinfo() looked like that:
```<?php
phpinfo();```
I highlighted on the page the words "output of phpinfo". He somehow didn't see it or something. He didnt know, he thought that he needs to put in phpinfo so he did. OMG.
Finally, I figured out I can workaround my intern problem, and I just briefly shown them php.net, how documentation looks, said to allways google in english, if he uses tutorial to read whole fucking thing, not just some parts of it, and left them with simple task, that took them whole day and at which they ultimately failed.
To make 3 buttons labeled "1" "2" "3" and if someone presses one of them, remember in session that they pressed it and disallow pressing other ones.
Never fucking again interns. Especially those who randomly without apparent reason almost literally just spawn in front of you and here, its your fucking problem now.
Fuck it, I have some time to get back to my stuff. Time is running so lets not waste it.
After around 15 minutes my one of my superiors comes in and asks me if I can go on meeting with him and other superior. My buddy goes with us, and next 3 hours I was basically explaining that you cannot do some things (ie. know XYZ happened without any source of information) in code, and I can't listen for callbacks from ABC becouse it wont send anyc cuz in their fucking brilliant idea ABC can't even know that this script would even exist, not to mention it wants callbacks.
Sometimes I hate my job.4 -
Best: leaving an overly stressful job
Worst: not dev but coughing up nearly a litre of blood sucked pretty badly. Covid y'all.6 -
Not dev related but god damn I HATE searching for apartments (to rent)....
fuck the housing market8 -
The dev before me stored all the emails and passwords as plain text in the database. This is not good. Not good at all.1
-
HR: "you are the highest paid dev on team"
Dev: Then not just me, the entire team should get a hike 🥴
HRs are hired because they are good negotiators.
#aFriendsStoryAtABigMNC -
[Not dev related but...] My boss is busy and not around, and the colleague is bossing me around like he's my boss :/ You're not my boss!
-
I did not fully understand dev ducks untill my project partner said I used him as a dev duck. I wonder how long it would take until he gets me one.
-
I'm not sure if it's just here, but in my country dev teams are not very organized. Most teams i've seen have no sense of process and they overlook testing.1
-
Roof is leaking... Due to rainy stormy weather here, I have now 3 buckets in my flat for catching the water.
Next thing that broke was the faucet in the kitchen... Whoever installed the kitchen (inherited from previous tenant) was a fricking fuck nugget. Not only are most important parts like the stove unbalanced (cooking is very fun...) - but most things were wrongly installed.
The rubber band under the faucet was a few mm larger than the faucet itself... Stretched out as someone really tightened the screws... Too tight. Friction tore the rubber band on one side. Note that the faucet is one of the large, pompous ones which weigh a fuckton. So the fucking faucet now - as the rubber band tore - turned into a sprinkler as the faucet moves due to water pressure.
Ok. Faucet out, new faucet in. Shouldn't be that hard.
Wait. Wtf?
Turns out they didn't use a milling head... The hole is a cone, top larger - then getting smaller.
Ok. No problem.
Let's do some drill action.
Uhm. Why is the place to the window wet... Oh. Great. Another leak.
*some mopping action*
Back to the kitchen. Realizing I didn't fully close the valve for water -.
Kitchen cabinet, next mopping action.
Water with saw dust is pretty ugly combination -.-
Aka: My relaxing Saturday became a full blown """Fuck you with an anchor""" day instead. Thanks universe. Love you hon. Please, next time put at least some lube on the anchor, entry is quite painful.13 -
I dreamt about bugs this night. Not software bugs, but actual bugs, like a centipede that enjoyed attaching itself to the inside of my palm and such... Not sure if dev related or not, not a good dream either way :/5
-
Learn:
Docker, kubernetes, ceph, s3, and aws in general. Not really dev per se, but still worthy technical goals.1 -
I get the feeling that trying to live as if being a dev is not a lifestyle is a lie. Not that you can’t have other hobbies as a dev, but development needs to be your first hobby as well as your career if you are going to achieve anything in this industry.12
-
Me and Team Developer,
One day he was calling some apis and getting error
Dev - Hey , the apis seem not to work
Me - Ohk which api, i will Check
Dev - Ohk here is the api and issue
Me - Spent time in checking multiple values for same api, and...
it was working fine with no issue.
Me- SO i asked him to check again
Dev- he again said, still the issue
Me- Ohk give me the same input to try
Dev - Ohk Here is the id of the record
Me - Tested and not working... more tested and got issue like, the id was for some other record, and not actual id he need to call
Me- I told the Dev that he was sending wrong id.
Dev - Ohh Shit, i will check
Me - Yeah, let me know
Dev - Yeah , its working and i wasted 3 days just for this issue.
Me - I said yeah Ohk Fine. (Me Frustrated, as time wasted due to the input issue not mine Api)
Most of the time, this happens and i have to jump to solve. Can Anyone related to this happen with you or your team ?
Comment below7 -
First week of doing C# dev. Not quite getting the hang of it yet, I’d still prefer doing nodejs all day2
-
Worst dev experience: Started vim, could not escape, had to get a new computer... 😐
Just kidding, everything was good 😜 -
I regret becoming a frontend dev ( mostly because I started learning jQuery first and not pure js ) .1
-
dev: ugh we need to set and implement coding standards
same dev: no I don't need to follow what you just said, it's already clean and readable (it's not) -
Boss uses @here in Slack channel, waits 5 seconds then tags me and another dev. Not sure he understands how @here works.1
-
A non dev has no right to pass judgement whether a dev is good or not. Be it engg manager or a product manager or any other manager6
-
I’m not sure why my dev tools feels the need to change warnings to a foreign language, but thanks Chrome!
9 -
Co-worker that is non-tech oriented:
"So what do BI developers do?"
Me:
"Well...." start simple then get uber complicated.
Co-worker:
"Oh ok cool. Well my LAN isn't working, can you help me?" -
Hey assholes, if you need a cms dev. Don't hire a front end dev to do your dirty cms bullshit. Sorry, NOT sorry.3
-
!dev
Ok, this happend to me today, i met a girl about 2 months now was the time to met in pearson i mean real life. a "Friend" was
Insisting to me for give to he the phone of the girl.
about 4 hours later i receive a message from she saying that i was a fucking depraved and stuff like that, i ask her why she was saying that and she write "Because your friend tell me that you only want to fuck with me", i ask to my friend what he did and he say "Nothing" i take his phone and view that he said that "Oh come on he is just a fucking stupid who is on the pc all the day masturbating and with windows with letters, really do you want someone who do that.". now i dont know what to do.
In my medical history I have had depression 3 times in my life with suicide attempts.
sorry for my bad english im from chile (spanish)
now i just want to fuck of all and kill myself. i need help.12 -
sends new dev online read about how to write good commit messages.
does not write a good commit message.
pushes code.
OTL1 -
Totally not dev related but had to ait this somewhere... Yesterday my parents came to me and asked what the best way would be for them to have some space cake...
Totally caught me by surprise! Was so surprised I couldn't utter actual sentences for a solid 5 minutes...8 -
Are automatically configured antivirus tools simply shit or is it IT , who obviously does not know what their software does?
* AV blocks parts of my dev tools
* Ticket to IT
* Result: AV blocks all my dev tools
Okay ... thanks?3 -
!dev
Damn, bought a new car two days ago and already I am sitting here at the garage again for that stupid engine light.
Things like these make me realize I am becoming an adult.
I don’t want to be a adult.1 -
that moment when a fellow dev asks you a web dev ( PHP ) for help and you see
... -03 -0fast & funroll fruity loops ...
im not surprised that Gentoo box died ... -
My dev team needs team building activities (not necessarily dev related, but yea.) Any suggestions?14
-
!devRant
Be me on vacation ~1500 miles from home
Board dogs like normal
Oldest dog (13y) gets sick
Boarding people take to vet as requested
Vet calls saying he is vomiting "coffee grounds" (that means he is bleeding into his stomach)
Won't be back until next Sunday
May have to bury dog when I get back.2 -
All married devs here who married devs
Why did you chose a dev and not another profession?
Of course skipping the love4 -
Time management. Maybe it's not really dev related, but I think it's very important. Trying to get better every day.1
-
Promoted this last Tuesday. Went from hourly associate app Dev to application analyst. Apparently I skipped app Dev and Sr app Dev. Not the raise I wanted but still substantial. No change in responsibilities with high probability of substantial raise next year on the next budget. Curious though. Is app analyst always above developer? Titles confuse me.3
-
My body decided to work against me
Last 3 days my “sleep schedule” has been “stay in bed with eyes closed until it’s morning without falling asleep”
If I go insane please tell my dog she was adopted. Ah… insanity is starting to kick in, next steps I’m defending pascal and managers…2 -
MICROSERVICES ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTION FOR GOOD DEV PRACTICES, IF YOU WERE A WERECODER BEFORE MICROSERVICES, A MIGRATION WILL NOT TEACH YOU/YOUR TEAM HOW TO CODE.4
-
*npm run dev*
Why aren't my CSS changes showing up?
*make selector changes*
*npm run dev*
Oh, c'mon!
*make more specific selector changes*
*npm run dev*
It's not even showing up-- wait...
*checks code*
*SASS file not included in the main app.scss*
Oh. I'm stupid.1 -
Fuck yeah!!! Finally found Mate! 😎
Well, not exactly dev related... Meh, whoami kidding, coding without Mate is nigh impossible 😁
5 -
!dev
So here I am at the chiropractor waiting and this family of 5 come in. One of the kids is barefoot and wearing a leotard, and the others just run around causing mayhem as children often do (I'm a father of 3 so I get it). None of that bothers me.
What bothers me is that they brought their puppy (,on a leash) as and a small bowl with food and water.
Wtf, this isnt a vet!
Cute dog though -
that moment when you decide to become and indie app dev and there are plenty of guides that tell how to be a good indie dev but no guides that teach you how not to get fucked by your own government...2
-
Mmm, can't stop my brain when I have an opened project. Not possible to live the present moment when you're dev.
-
Last week summary:
-questioning my identity (I’m cleaning and realised I forgot I used to like many activities I forgot and decided to give them more time)
-questioning how tf my unconscious seems to always plan ahead of me (ah yes I can do this cause I prep… why tf did I prepare for this?)
-questioning my skills (just a standard imposter syndrome, nothing to see here, move on)
-questioning my worth (as above)
-questioning how tf somebody connected to a secret account I have (spoiler: they don’t know and it’s a crazy coincidence… but now I know secrets about them 😏)
-randomly freezing during everyday life for all the above points
Job wise all is cool, tho 🎊2 -
This is an actual transcript...
Since it's way too long for the normal 5000 characters, hence splitting it up...
Infra Guy: mr Dev, could you please give some rational for update of jjb?
Dev: sparse checkout support is missing
Infra Guy: is this support mandatory to achive whatever you trying to do?
Dev: yes
Infra Guy: u trying to get set of specific folder for set of specific components?
Dev: yes
Infra Guy: bash script with cp or mv will not work for you?
Dev: no
Infra Guy: ?
Dev: when you have already present functionality why reinvent the wheel
Dev: jenkins has support for it
Dev: the jjb is the bottle neck
Infra Guy: getting this functionality onto our infra would have some implications
Dev: why should I write bash script if jenkins allows me to do that
Dev: what implications ??
Infra Guy: will you commit to solve all the issues caused by new jjb?
Dev: you show me the implications first
Infra Guy: like a year ago i have tried to get new jjb <commit_url>
Infra Guy: no, the implications is a grey area
Infra Guy: i cant show all of them and they may hit like in week or eve month
Dev: then why was it not tackled
Dev: and why was it kept like that
Infra Guy: few jobs got broken on something
Dev: it will crop up some time later
Dev: if jobs get broken because of syntax
Dev: then jobs can be fixed
Dev: is it not ???
Infra Guy: ofc
Infra Guy: its just a question who will fix them
Dev: follow the syntax and follow the guidelines
Dev: put up a test server and try and lets see
Dev: you have a dev server
Dev: why not try on that one and see what all jobs fails
Dev: and why they fail
Dev: rather than saying it will fail and who will fix
Dev: let them fail and then lets find why
Dev: I manually define a job
Dev: I get it done
Infra Guy: i dont think we have test server which have the same workload and same attention as our prod
Dev: unless you test how would you know ??
Dev: and just saying that it broke one with a version hence I wont do it
Infra Guy: and im not sure if thats fair for us to deal with implication of upgrading of the major components just cause bash script is not good enough for u
Dev: its pretty bad
Infra Guy: i do agree
Infra TL Guy: Dev, what Infra Guy is saying is that its not possible to upgrade without downtime
Infra Guy: no
Dev: how long a downtime are we looking at ??
Infra Guy: im saying that after this upgrade we will have deal with consequences for long time
Infra Guy-2: No this is not testing the upgrade is the huge effort as we dont have dev resources to handle each job to run
Dev: if your jjb compiles all the yaml without error
Dev: I am not sure what consequences are we talking of
Infra Guy: so you think there will be no consequences, right?
Dev: unless you take the plunge will you know ??
Dev: you have a dev server running at port 9000
Infra Guy: this servers runs nothing
Dev: that is good
Dev: there you can take the risk
Infra Guy: and the fack we have managed to put something onto api doesnt mean it works
Dev: what API ?
Infra Guy: jenkins api
Infra Guy: hmmm
Dev: what have you put on Jenkins API ??
Infra Guy: (
Dev: jjb is a CLI
Infra Guy: ((
Dev: is what I understand
Dev: not a Jenkins API
Infra Guy: (((
Dev: (((((
Infra Guy: jjb build xmls and push them onto api
Infra Guy: and its doent matter
Dev: so you mean to say upgrading a CLI is goig to upgrade your core jenkisn API
Dev: give me a break
Infra Guy: the matter is that even if have managed to build something and put it onto api
Infra Guy: doesnt mean it will work
Dev: the API consumes the xml file and creates a job
Infra Guy: right
Dev: if it confirms to the options which it understands
Dev: then everything will work
Dev: I am actually not getting your point Infra Guy
Infra Guy: i do agree mr Dev
Dev: we are beating around the bush
Infra Guy: just want to be sure that if this upgrade will break something
Infra Guy: we will have a person who will fix it
Dev: that is what CICD is supposed to let me know with valid reasons
Dev: why can't that upgrade be done
Infra Guy: it can be done
Infra Guy: i even have commit in place3 -
!dev philosophical
Quality vs Opinion
I have a feeling that these things have always been at odds with each other and now with the constant connectedness it has just become more apparent that most people don’t understand the difference (or even realize there is a difference for that matter)
Let’s face it. Most people have awful taste. They listen to whatever new music their radio station decides was hot. They watch whatever show everyone else is watching. They are manipulated by large scale news organizations...
Basically, most people are sheep.
The problem is that sheep are a dangerous combination of loud and stupid. Giving these loud stupid sheep a platform to amplify their voice is a bad idea for a society, but a great tool for the pigs to manipulate them.
“Frightened though they were, some of the animals might possibly have protested, but at this moment the sheep set up their usual bleating of "Four legs good, two legs bad," which went on for several minutes and put an end to the discussion.”
This isn’t confined to one political party or view, it isn’t geographic, it isn’t based on education, it isn’t based on wether a person is ethical or not...
It’s universal.
You can translate “four legs good, two legs bad” into Agent Orange and his followers chanting “lock her up” just as well as it could be translated into the angry leaders of the modern feminist movement.
In both cases (both on opposite ends of the ethical spectrum) you have the loudest dumb, angry sheep getting the even dumber sheep to chant along, wether it is good for them or not.
Now to loop this back. The problem is that dumb sheep are emotional. They truly believe that they are NOT dumb and that their opinions and emotions are a measure of quality.
I FEEL bad, and you are talking to me, so you must BE bad.
I don’t LIKE this amazingly well made movie, so it must BE bad.
And anyone else who has a different opinion is just wrong. Anyone who try’s to explain the merits of the other side is either my enemy or is stupid.
^^^
Their opinion, incorrect.
————
Now for the tough part...
Most likely, based on probability, you are a sheep.
Yes, you! The smartest person you know. The guy/girl who has a degree or masters of a PHD. The person who builds amazing software. You! Are. A. Sheep. And you are dangerous to the world.
To put a cherry on top.
No, you opinions are not important. Your feelings are fucking meaningless. Your morals are worthless. Your voice has as much value and a loose asshole fart from a fat guy trapped in a deep well in Siberia.
But don’t get down about this. It’s doesn’t make you any less of a person. Remember that almost every person who has ever lived in history has been a sheep. They have chanted one useless, dangerous, misguided, harmful chant after another through the ages.
————
To those of you who try not to be sheep. Just keep trying to get a little better every day. When someone says...
“We do it this way because we have always done it this way”
... be skeptics. Explore the merits and logic of the situation.
And if you are tired of being led by stupid sheep then save some money, build something cool and start your own business.
Just remember, you will always need the sheep. They will be your employees, your friends, your bosses, your investors etc.
Treat them well, don’t hate them, and if you ever find yourself leading a pack of sheep then try to keep a healthy distance from their chanting while leading them down the right path.
They will thank you for it in the end.
———
PS. For those of you thinking “this is very judgemental and self centred”
All I can do is to try to speak your language....
Baaaahhhhh, baaahhhhh, bahhhhh
Which translates form sheep to human as...
“Eat a dick. Have a nice day” -
Worst: Not landing a decent job
Best: dev-wise, none really.
It has been a rather shit year, really.14 -
learning to code while working as not a dev. Gives freedom but zero experience. Need experience but lack confidence :(6
-
is it just me or
<job ad>
...
min 1 year experience with web dev
min 5 years experience with web dev in JS
...
</job ad>
does not make much sense4 -
Business: The feature is not as aspected.
Dev: This is what you asked for.
Business: I ask for something else.
Dev: Please refer to the documentation.
Business: F**k with document.
Dev: You only the documentation. -
!dev
So now Disney is the front runner to buy (most of) 21st Century Fox.
I understand the entertainment side. But the news side is like buying an amusement park on top of a nuclear waste site...
Is the plan the start the children on propaganda, racism and conspiracy theories as early as possible?
That thought makes me feel sick.
https://wsj.com/articles/...5 -
Sorry not dev related
But feeling said, worried, angry and so disturbed after reading negative news about crime with girls everyday.16 -
I once had a team member who was a self proclaimed technology expert. He was even interviewed on national TV for his opinions on telecoms, net neutrality and the ITC sector in our humble island.
this guy, for several months, probably to this day, cannot figure out how to set his password for his company Gmail account. he could never figure how to use Google drive, docs or any of the most basic tools.
he has no training in any development practices or languages. he did history in college and didn't even finish, but.....somehow he was able to watch half of an HTML tutorial online and then land himself a remote web dev job earning $45 USD/hr!!!!! i still dont know how he did that.
I'm am three parts upset, one part in awe of how far he has gotten just by talking to people.4 -
Building your e-commerce looks easy for a dev. Just build a webapp and cry over it not getting hits 🤷♂️.
-
Not a dev post. just want to share this!
The Lost City of Atlantis - Hidden in Plain Sight
https://youtube.com/watch/...1 -
!dev
My date cancelled today because of not feeling well, we are gonna meet up (maybe) in the next few days. That totally not made me feel insecure in any way nononono.....2 -
4th year of technical school I though I was not gonna continue programming in university. Got a dev job after graduating and started uni. 2 years after I am pretty sure I am going to be a dev.
-
I can't imagine how exactly not being a dev feels like :D (in the sense of skill, not profession). I honestly believe it will be part of primary education in the not so far future.
So actually I need reasons for not to be a dev :) -
!dev
Any experienced arch linux user ?
EFI is not available in the system .
Grub is not installing .
System runs on bios .
What to do ?10 -
When devs have to test tickets end to end in stabilisation week that have passed in previous sprints because the company doesn't want to cough up more than 2 QAs...
I am not a tester. This is bullshit.
(Obviously I e2e test my tickets during the sprint before deploying and passing them on to QA to test and hopefully move on to 'Done') -
Not dev related, assuming that here is a lot of people interested in history , philosophy, books I would like to ask for recommendations for:
YouTube channels or site related to history, books reviews/recommendations (dev and non-dev related), philosophy.
Thanks. :)6 -
I tried the portrait to look like me but Im a junior dev, not that senior dev guy you see on the picture...
-
If all dev job were taken by AI, I'll probably go back to making dolls and fabric jewelry. Is not as good a source of income as being a dev but you can survive off it.
-
So... I'm assigned to do a new development, something related to integrate a Call Center service to our main app.
I have not a single clue on how to begin, at what to look, what doc to read (the service doesn't offer a good one), just trying thing and hope for some luck.
This sound familiar to you also or it's just me?
These moments make me think twice if my knowledge can handle and this scares me!
Also, it's kinda urgent and very important so... no stress!2 -
Not really Dev related,but I find myself listening to this album on repeat https://youtu.be/nBZbNBzerFo it's so relaxing2
-
with me its the other way around
not becoming a dev helped me to look at problems like a dev and solving them more or less XD -
The worst project i work on is my actual project, this is not a dev project but a "Run the Bank" project !
check 3 times a day that servers are okay, logs are okay, unduserssolvedunderstand and give the "how to fix" to the dev team #pan1 -
[POOL]
What do you have: a "dev" or a "workplace" directory in your home? I always had a "dev" for my projects and I think I'm not alone, but I can't be sure10 -
How bash does not support redirecting stderr to /dev/null when using read redirection inside command substitution is F*CKING ANNOYING.
x=$(</foo/non_exitence_file.txt 2>/dev/null)
Why do people still use this shit of a shell?2 -
web dev. ui/ux. full stack.
I am not a senior developer but im doing multiple jobs like full stack dev, ux designer and architect.
I only like front end given the choices.
I want to do some vr but the market seems not ready for that so i can only do some learning at home. -
!rant
Im not so experienced and feels great when an opportunity of helping another dev appears. What a great community we have -
I have been looking for a house for a year and Jesus it’s so fucking hard to find a decent rent.
I think I’ll have to buy but I really feel like I shouldn’t given the job situation of every dev ever.
And the most bs thing is that I already own a house wtf. (Just in the wrong place so can’t use that)1
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