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Client: our app has low ratings, we fired our previous dev company and hiring you instead.
Us: all right, seems like to make a better app we need 5 months.
C: you're kidding, do it in 6 weeks.
U: Ok, but we'll have to drop some features.
C: get rid of X and Y, nobody uses them.
U: deal!
... 6 weeks later...
U: here's the new app: better graphics, easier to use, more stable and more future-proof.
C: Cool! Let's deploy!
... 2 days later...
C: we just released but the users are really pissed off!
U: what do they say?
C: "what the fuck happened with X and Y? they were the only thing we're using! what a load of crap! 1 star"
Dear client, next time get to know better your users...8 -
C: application not working
Me: k. What changed?
C: we didn't make changes
Me: k... *gets a tech team (W) on the phone*
W: Hey, what's broken?
Me: C's application. How do things look?
W: running healthy. I'll check logs.
Me: thanks. *gets tech team (S) on the line*
S: hey, everything clear on our end, will check logs.
Me: thanks *gets tech team (U)*
U: hey! They asked us to deploy their new version today during normal deployment time. Is it acting up?
Me: C, what did you change?
C: nothing major, just how we connect to W and S...
W&S: are you shitting me???
Me: U, will you please roll it back?
C: no! Must stay on this version, you need to fix your side!!
Me: nope. *calls U boss (UG)*
UG: U, you have my permission to roll back, they need to fix. C, if your boss doesn't like it, have them call me.
*rollback fixes problem*
IF I FUCKING ASK YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU CHANGED, YOU BETTER TELL ME THE TRUTH, OR I WILL STRIP YOUR CODE OFF OUR FUCKING SYSTEMS AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT. MY JOB IS TO HELP YOU AND YOU NEED TO BACK TO FUCK UP AND NOT GET IN THE WAY OF MY JOB OR YOU WON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE.11 -
Boot up/shut down(different os edition)
Windows:
......eh?....
......zzzz......z...eh?
......
.....
....hold up.....zzz
....eh? Oh right!....
......z.....ok ok I am here...what?
....z...zzzzzz
Mac OS:
........
.......
..eh?
...ok I am here wtf u want?
Linux (most distros)
....snores coke...what?I AM HERE LETS GO MOFOCKA
-----shut down
Windows:
Still eating glue...
....glue....glue....glue...
WINDOWS WILL UPDATE WHE...whst are you doing with that pillow shshuahahhaah..x___x
Mac OS
.....
..ok fuck u bye whatever
Linux (most distros)
Ok bye xoxoxo talk to you lateer
**dead**22 -
The way 90% of the population wears their face masks really explains a lot about their approach to using software, apps & websites as well.
I feel like giving up.
I am not a developer for the salary, or just to solve analytical puzzles. Those are motivators, but my main drive is to make the world more comfortable and enjoyable, better optimized, build ethical services which bring happiness into people's lives. I want to improve society, even if it's just a tiny bit.
But if users invest absolutely zero percent of their limited brain capacity into understanding a product that already has a super-clean design and responds with helpful validation messages...
...why the fuck bother.
I used to think of the gap between technology and tech-incompetent people as an optimization problem.
As something which could be fixed by spending a fortune on UX research. Write tests, hire QA employees, decrease tech debt, create a bold but unified & simple design.
But the technologically incompetent just get more entitled with every small thing you simplify.
It's never fucking fool-proof enough.
Why can't I upload a 220MB PDF as profile picture? Why doesn't the app install on my 9 year old Android Froyo phone? Why can't I sign up if my phone number contains a  U+FFFC? Why does this page load so slowly from my rural concrete bunker in East Ukraine? WHY DO I HAVE PNEUMONIA, HOW DID I GET INFECTED EVEN THOUGH I WAS WEARING A MOUTH MASK ON MY FOREHEAD?
This is why I ran away from Frontend, to Backend, to DBA.
If I could remove myself further from the end user, I would.
At least I still have a full glass of tawny port and a huge database which needs to be normalized & migrated.
Fuck humans, I'm going to hug a server.
25 -
Me(m) vs Apple(a)
m - hey apple!
a -
m - apple?
a - oh yeah, who are u?
m - umm, titan?
a - titan who?
m - titanlan- .. umm nevermind . hi , i am a developer :D
a - developer ? hah.. get out.
m - but wait, I want to develop apps for you! I have been developing android apps for last one year and i love mobile dev! wanna talk more on this ?
a - umm.. ugh ok. so you wanna develop apps?
m- yes!, i am doing great at java an-..
a- yeah wait. we don't have that in here. we use swift
m -Oh. no worries , the principles are the same i will watch some free youtube vids and have a plugin for studio or vsco-..
a- yeah wait you can't do that too.we don't have plugins
m - Really, no plugin? then where do people develop ios apps?
a- xcode
m - Oh , how stupid of me , an IDE of course. anyways i can simply install it in my windows or linux an-..
a - nope, you can't do that.
m - what? then where does it run?
a -macOS
m -Oh, then surely you might have some distro or-
a - nope, buy a mac. pass $3000
m- wha-? i just want to run your bloody IDE!
a- oh honey, your $3000 will be totally worth it, you will love it!
m- but i haven't even started making an app, leave alone publishing it.
a- oh, that will cost you another $100 . plus if you wanna test your apps, make sure it runs in our latest , fragile iphones otherwise we won't publish it. that will cost another $1500
m- what? but I already have a fine , high tech laptop and a smartphone!
a- yeah you can dump that
FML. how the fuck is apple living and thriving? lots of selfish motives and greeds i guess? because i don't see a single place where they are using the word "free" or "cheap" .26 -
Fucking hell. Today we reviewed candidates for a web dev position. I already fucking know that here we ain't gonna get a top motherfucker, i already know that the person selected will have to be rigorously trained AND THAT IS FUCKING FINE WITH ME.
The thing is, fucking head of the departmen was hellbent on just grabbing people with the highest education possible setting aside lack of experience. I would not have minded if it weren't because we have a secretary that applied...that got her degree in our very own institution and that has worked with our CMS admin creating web stuff. She is smart and has the drive man, and i don't even like her, but i could see her being in the position, being trained and doing good.
Hod said no, because of her lack of education and experience.....BRUH she got her associate's at OUR SCHOOL wtf do we have students go through it if we ain't gonna hire them if they intend on applying to work with us like wtf might as well advertise that: the degree provided by this institution is not good enough to work with us :D that would be 3000 for those two classes thank u.
Holy fuck i was beyond upset man, if i am to train these fuckers might as well be someone that i know will give it her all and studied with us. Dude quoted favoritism and i said that i was just going by the data that i have on her holy fuck.11 -
just when u have a meeting to rush to, this little shit updates. all my presentation material is on this fuckin thing. FUCK! arghjfbggghhh
32 -
My thoughts when my uncle was introducing me to one of his friends.
(M = me, U = uncle, F = Uncle's friend)
U : Meet M, he is a software developer, he works at * blah *.
M (Internally): That is a very reasonable introduction.
U : * Continues speaking. *
M (Internally): No, staph! It was good enough. Don't go any further.
U : He does * blah blah *
M (Internally): That's not even remotely related to what I do.
U : If you have any tech related problems, he is your guy.
M (Internally): You should have kept shut.
U : If your phone slows down, he can fix it.
M (Internally): Why would you even say that !?
U : He can fix all you printer issues.
M (Internally): Excuse me. What. The. Fuck!?
U : You should definitely consult him before purchasing any tech.
M (Internally): That's it. I give up. There is no hope left.
F : * Gestures U to clam down. *
F : * Nods at M in a very assuring manner. As if he were saying, 'chill bro! Its all cool, I understand.' *
M (Internally): Hold on. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is some hope left.
F : So, tell me, how good are you with excel formulas?
M (Internally): * Dies *3 -
Interview : alright .. your backend experience match us perfectly. Now tell me about ur experience with JavaScript !
Me replying without thinking :
Fuck JavaScript !
Interview : 😮😦 !!
Me : 🤐😨
Interview : alright then, u are in the short list and will get back to u for your second interview.8 -
How do I know my office is pretty chill?
My lead dev just sent me a text with:
"U suck penis"
I said "wow, uncalled for"
And then he said:
"U r uncalled for"
Well alrighty then18 -
"Fuck JavaScript, its such a shitty language" seems to be quite a common rant today. It seems as if JS is actually getting more hate than PHP, which is certainly odd, considering the stereotype.
So, as someone who has spent a lot of time in JS and a lot of time elsewhere, here are my views. Please, discuss your opinions with me as well. I am genuinely interested in an intelligent conversation about this topic.
So here's my background: learned HTML/CSS/JS in that order when I was 12 because I liked computers. I was pretty shitty at JS until U was at least 15, but you get the point, Ive had it sploshing about in my brain for a while.
Now, JS certainly has its quirks, no doubt, but theres nothing about the language itself that I would say makes it shitty. Its a very easy leanguage to use, but isn't overdeveloped like VB.net (Or, as I like to call it, TheresAFunctionForThat)
Most of the hate is centered around JS being used for a very broad range of systems. I doubt JS would be in the rant feed so often if it were to stay in its native ecosystem of web browsers. JS can be used in server backend, web frontent, desktop and mobile applications, and even in some system services (Although this isn't very popular as of yet). People seem to be terrified that one very easy to learn language can go so far. And, oh god, its interpreted... How can a system app run off an interpreted language? That's absurd.
My opinion on JSEverything is that it's progress. Thats what we're all about, right? The technologies already in place are unthreatened by JS, it isn't a gamechanger. The only thing JS integration is doing is making tedius and simple tasks easier. Big companies with large systems aren't going to jump ship and migrate to JS. A startup, however, could save a fucking ton of development time by using a JS framework, however. I want to live in a world where startups can become the next Google, because technology will stagnate when youre trying to protect your fortune, (Look at Apple for fucks sake) but innovation is born of small people with big ideas.
I have a feeling the hate for JS is coming from fear of abandoning what you're already doing. You don't have to do that. JS is only another option (And a very good one, which is why it's becoming so popular).
As for my personal opinion from my experiences... I've left this part til the end on purpose. I love programming and learning and creating, so I've never hated a lamguage, really. It all depends on what I want to do. In the times i've played arpund with JS, I've loved it. Very very easy. The idea of having it on both ends of web development makes a lot of sense too, no conversion, just direct communication. I would imagine this really helps with speed, as well. I wouldn't use it in a complicated system, though. Small things, medium size projects: perfect. Running a bank? No.
So what do you think about this JSUniverse?13 -
Day 1 10:00 am
Login to email account (Zimbra)
Your password is incorrect (I entered it correctly, this was a permanent issue ,used to happen in the company with many employees)
Reset your password by logging into internal company portal.
11:00 am
Logged into company portal, somehow. 2 Mbps internet shared among 104 people, you can imagine the speed.
Reset email password
* your password has been sent to your email id*
Are you fucking kidding me? U have emailed me the password to the same email I can't log in to?
Where did the architecture designer get this top notch weed from?
Day 2
Asked HR to reset my password (using a colleague's email)
Day 3
No reply from HR yet
Day 4
I went to meet HR, she's on vacation. So they have 1 person managing the password reset, for 5000 people with no backup person. Cool.
Day 5
Your internal company password has expired. Check your email for link to create new password. This is some next level shit going on.
Day 6
I called up Internal IT team to generate a new email for me.
They asked me to raise a ticket.
I can't raise a ticket because the only way to do so, is through the portal.
Day 7
Nothing. Btw, personal email and all social networks were banned. You can't even open stackoverflow.
And this was a research lab, amazing huh?
Day 8
Loss of pay for 4 days since I can't login to company portal to fill timesheet.
Day 9
HR comes back. Resets my password.
I try to generate my new password for portal.
The password policy:
Password can't be same as last 10 passwords
Passwords expire every week
8 characters minimum, 2 upper case, 2 lower case, NO SPECIAL SYMBOL. WTF. How long do u think its gonna take to crack that?
Fuckers had a company wise policy to automatically lock PC every 1 min if not used. Who the fuck can keep on using it continuously! I'm reading an article, and bam ! Locked. 2 wrong entries and that's it, repeat all steps again. Fuckers really didn't want to let me do my job, just keep on logging in all day.12 -
- My client on regular day.
U can manage your tasks by your own. App looks stable and you are doing well.
- Same client when I'm on Vacation
This thing is not working, that thing is not working. This is do or die situation for us. you have to cancel your vacation plans.
- Same client after I come back from vacation in which I wasted precious hours of my vacation time and fixed all the bugs.
I didn't release your changes yet coz I wanted to release it together with you. I was like "THEN WHY THE FUCK YOU RUINED MY VACATION" -_-4 -
Whoever thinks that coding is easy.
Fuck you motherfucker stupid chicken head nugget sized brain faggots. You think all we do is smash keyboards in front of our screen and it poops code and creates beautiful applications? Fuck you in particular.
One of my friend says sitting on computer for whole day is the easiest thing. What the fuck motherfucker.
One fucking string can fuck your life forever. Innumerable hours will be wasted behind one simple fucked up logic. And u shithead say its easy.
Get into my shoes and let me bang your head on the keyboard and we will see how beautifully it poops code.
Stupid people.14 -
Uncle- What do you do?
Me- I'm a software engineer
Uncle- My brother's friend's son is also a software engineer.
Me- (so what am I supposed to do about it?) yes that's nice
Uncle- I have a great idea, u should implement, I'm just telling you, it is a revolutionary idea
Me- (oh fuck, not again) yes tell
Uncle- you should make a matrimonial site which tracks what people do on internet and tell their to-be-spouses about it
Me - (yeah, I'll get sued for breach of privacy, and it has got nothing to do with my current line of work, and will probably cause divorces before marriage) yes great idea uncle
Uncle- see I told you this billion dollar idea, u should do hard work and make it
Just WHY in god's name do all uncles think laptop is a magic box in which I just have to type their idea in and it will spit out a website/software in 2 minutes. I don't go around advising them about their line of work.11 -
"Oh, I reverted your changes because I did not understand them"
I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY REFACTORING YOUR SHITTY SPAGUETTI SHIT U LAZY PIECE OF SHIT !
But I guess being a senior guy entitles u to sit your fat fuck ass in your chair writting garbage all day long.
Btw what he did not understand was f strings. In python. Srsly. How is that arrogant incompetent prick paid at least 10k more than me3 -
"You claim you are a developer and don't know what firebase is? Pfft"
Words uttered by one of my classmates flexing on some 4th semester college inmates. I don't know what's more annoying his squeaky voice, the pretentiousness of using headphones as a necklace during class or that I was just like him when I was a freshman (minus the low hanging fruit flexing).
God fucking damn, I'm not even mad at his obnoxious pampered kid semblance, it's the irony of this enlightened fago falling into the god forsaken rat race. Why?
Because he hasn't been magnanimously disappointed by one of the most corrupt systems I've ever been witness of, yeah keep talking about firebase to the teacher who just nods pretending she knows what you are talking about.
I've had this same teacher before and your nice asynchronous ES6 express nosql solution will come last compared to all the WordPress templates she'll approve because they are pretty and all the time you invested, yeah, right into the crapper, seriously it would've been more satisfying to just masturbate everyday until Christmas break. I'm not pissed at him, annoyed by his semblance maybe, but I actually pitty him because the system will take a big shit on his face and he's just smiling.
Damn it, all these careers ruined by lazy ass professors who think leaving a shitload of diagrams as homework counts as teaching. And before any quirky brother interjects with "oh maybe your University is shit", "muh University verry gut u suk", you shut the fuck up! I know my university sucks even tho is "one of the best ones" by the corrupt media's standards, I'm here to vent about issues, real fucking issues happening in real corrupt systems, I'm taking about professors sexually abusing students, not going to classes, no centralized teaching systems, fucking chaos.
I'm happy for you if you feel good about the piece of paper you hang on your wall that certifies you as Bobby the guy who not only learned a shit load about computers, he also bent his ass so far for us and payed us so much money for it, it's funny he thinks himself as smart.
I know, I know, you went to an ivy league college, have a wonderful job and owe some money, good for you, some are not so lucky and I'll make sure those lazy asses who take advantage of the system lose their jobs.
I'm so sick of this shit we call "moodern educashion"
7 -
Soooooo got fired on my day off!! 😁😁😁 Y am I sooo happy??? Bc the company's president sucks, and glad to be gone!!
So, I come in on my day off trying to help him with a promo for an app I was working on, and ass face come in with a chip already on his shoulders.
Him: So what are u going to show me?
Me: A walk through of the app.
Him: No, what specifically are u going to show me?(already getting upset)
Me: The whole app. Like from the login screen and everything else.
Him: No! I need to knw specifically what your going to show me! Like this button, that menu, this function!!!(boiling point)
Me: That's what I said, "the whole app"
Him: Do u want to be suspended a whole week??!!!
Me: (smiling) Yes!!
Him: You knw what, ur gonna tell me what the fuck ur gonna show me or--
Me: Gets up, grab my phone and head towards the door.
Him: If u leave, ur done!!
Me: Dnt care. (Continue out the door)
Him: (yelling) That's it, ur done!
Me: Happy 😁😁😁10 -
My first rant, so pls don't blame me?. 🙈. No just kidding, but now the Story. A friend told me that he want to start hacking. But I know that he can't prog or use a PC. But I asked: "Can u program?" He: Yeah, of course!?". *Me wondering as fuck* Me: Where do u learned that?" He: "Watched YouTube Videos!" Me: "OK?, and what language du u want to use, and IDE?" He answered: "Language Arduino, and IDE what is that?". *Me facepalming and asking myself what dafuq was he watching and why is he trying to do things like that*11
-
Just spoke with a guy who considers himself a PC expert.
He: You can always recover your offline data from your PC, even if you burn it.
Me: You just need to remove your hard drive.
He: Even if you remove your hard disk, offline data can be recovered from from RAM memory.
Me: WTF?? * Trying to explain him that RAM is a volatile memory*
He: Yeah but you can recover it from the BIOS.
Me: r u serius right now??
And I can continue, because we've unfortunately talked for about an hour.
Why these people consider themselves experts and why the fuck do they have to teach you things that the don't know. FML5 -
"Im gonna buy an Titan V for gaming!"
-Le "Friend" of mine
me:
A Titan V is for research and AI Applications...
Le "Friend"
Ayy u stupid Titan V best card!!!11!
Fuck this shit im fucking out of here...4 -
Have deleted FB account and uninstalled the app. Devrant gives me all I need for socializing with like minded people.. fuck u fb..9
-
Just now saw an email from Support after I asked them to run some cleanup commands on 4 servers.
Support: u need to give us an automated job for this.
WELL FUCK YOU, Y DON'T YOU JUST DO IT URSELF.
I JUST SPENT 2HRS INVESTIGATING A PROD ISSUE WHICH GOT ESCALATED CUZ UR A BUNCH OF USELESS INCOMPETENT MONKEYS... THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS HELP... AND WHAT I HOPE WOULD BE YOU BUILD UR OWN TOOL... BEING SUPPORT UR SUPPOSED TO HELP ME REDUCE MY WORK NOT INCREASE IT1 -
Another fucking rant about my fucking goldfish brain.
At meetings, I usually note down things I need to fix, to do on the sticky note pad that comes with the OS, currently Mint.
I sat at my desk.
Looked at my notes.
Decided to properly put them as tasks on trello.
I copied all notes, planning to paste it on a trello card quickly.
Then I can just work on trello and separate into different tasks.
Connection issue.
Ethernet said connected but websites are not showing up.
Maybe restart will fix since I haven't opened any app and started working anyway.
Reboot.
Internet works.
Yayyy.
Trello showed up.
Yayyy.
oooh
f
u
c
k.
fuck.
fuck.14 -
Getting told that technology is bullshit and that humans have forgotten how to interact with each other (meaning being social) by people from the same age bracket that throw a fit because they can't use said technology is both hilarious and infuriating.
Seriously, aren't these old farts more concerned with things such as starbucks not putting "merry Christmas" on their fucking red cups? Am I supposed to take their shit seriously? No the fuck I am not, and neither should you.
If your old ass can't work how your fucking smartphone works, or have a haaaaard time trying to select Netflix from your smart tv app selection then the problem is not my generation. Its your dumbass for not keeping up.
Its fine if you don't want to use technology, fuck if I care. But you ain't winning this shit because of your preferences regarding technology.
Also, telling me that I am wrong for wearing my headphones at the gym to shut people off. Wtf dude, not everyone wants to fucking talk to others all the time, specially during gym time. I am there to work out and get sexy af, not to ask you how your fucking day went, I don't know u, i don't want to know you, you already showed me how fucking close minded and uninteresting you can be, why the fuck should I give that shit a chance?
Fuck outta here with that shit. He went on to tell me that software is made by people with 0 social skills. Booooooy I would have your granddaughter(she is my age) any day of the fucking week and you can tell me if we lack "social skills"
Foh13 -
Our school like:
School: hey everyone! Today we are learning java.
We: But we can Java and we already read the whole book
School: So ok! Let's do Java for 4 months!
We: What the... c'mon that makes no sense!
School: ...
We: ...
*After 4 months*
School: So class lets write a exam in java!
We: oh boy! this is nice!
School: Open your VM!
*Everyone started theyr VM and opened Eclipse*
School: Aaaaand now open NetBeans!
We: Holy Moly Crap! Really? why?
School: because...because...because...fuck off! we dont know...but it stands on the fucking exam so shut the fuck up u little crap!11 -
"BlueStacks 4, 6 times faster than every phone on Earth!!!"
*wank wank*
Meanwhile, it can't even do window compositing (y u no use the fucking compositor of the fucking OS?!) or keyboard input (sends Return twice apparently). But yeah, faster than every phone on Earth. MY FUCKING ASS IS FASTER, FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!
So much for a Sunday where my servers can go straight to hell for a day, and I'll just play some fucking games.. so much for that.
FUCK!!!6 -
I brushed my teeth and went to bed at 10, opened up youtube and just chilled out,
boss calls me up at 11 I'm like, nah fam tomorrow...
Calls again and again and again, calling for the 6 time on 2 numbers!?
(M8 can't u see I'm out)
Then he texts me, bro, it's urgent!
I decide to call him up.
Boss: hey dude
Me: hey (trying to not get triggered)
Me: so what's so urgent?
Boss: OK so 2 things, I will email all of our job applicants on August 28, 2: are you available tomorrow?
Me: ( LITERALLY GOT TRIGGERED AS FUCK, THOUGHT WE HAD A DICK PICTURE ON OUR SITE OR HOSTINGER DECIDED TO BILL 2 TIMES)
ME: 👏Dude, this is so urgent? R u kidding me???? Am I available tomorrow and you will email are job applicants on August 28????
Ffs I swear6 -
//begin midnight rant
THATS IT, I AM PISSED OFF NOW ABOUT THIS SNAPCHAT SHIT!!!
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK !!!
I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN SNAP CHAT WAS INVENTED
I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN WATSAPP COPIED ITS FEATURE(yeah I haven't seen your pathetic story)
AND I ALSO DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE SHIT ITS GOTTEN INTO NOW.
as a guy who is allergic to people I stay the fuck away from such apps.
but for God's sake get real u shit heads... Uninstalling an app is not an achievement worth bragging about( there is a drag and drop interface for it in ur Android phone)
Here is a guy who started his own company when he graduated from college and is providing employment to 100s of ppl and ur going to put that at risk just because your fragile ego was hurt because of "poor country " comment fuck u do your research that comment was made in 2015 when a monthly 1gb 3g internet would burn a hole in your pocket
Go screw yourselves u brain dead pieces of shit if u r so worked up about being called a poor country then start a company and provide jobs for the people who are struggling(why would you when uninstalling an app is so much easier).
Any one with 300 mg of common sense would have realize that the video would have difficulty in buffering in your slow ass 2g internet pack in your phone in 2015 when Jio sim was not yet introduced.
People like you are the reason I wish the super villains would win at the end of sifi movies.
I hope God(if there is one and if ever he decides to give a fuck) would give the guys who built this app the strength to get through this shit storm
PEACE OUT
//End of mid night rant11 -
Most of the people sending me work offers have something to do with wordpress.
Man iongiveafuck anymore. Some dude offers me $500 for something that would take me 5 hours to make again and I am gonna swallow my pride and code that shit in wordpress.
Money > your fucking disdain for frameworks/cms/lang/suckingdick/whatever.
Which also means thas that I have to get crzcking with coding in wordpress again since I don't remember much.8 -
-> "cs" friend wants to install "linux" on his laptop
->won't do it himself cuz cuckhole is afraid of ruining his original windows installation
->shitfuck bugging me for months and I always deny saying he needs to learn this shit too
->finally decide to help him, get a "linux" and go to the craphole he dwells in
->laptop looks high end, bezel less and what not. Also has a 120gigs ssd.
-> decide to partition it. Shit.
->ssd has less dan 40gigs left. Check and see there's ntn but a few store apps and visual studio installed+some personal data. Hmm where the fuck is the missing space.
->few mins of fkin shit around, decide to see size of windows installation
->nope
->nope
->nopenopenope
->windows+fuckYouUpdates takes > 50gigs of Precious and COSTLY ssd space
->tell my friend to reset windows, he denies and i nope the fuck outta there.(ik uninstalling updates and clearing cache and stuff might release space but not spending my whole fkin eve doing that thanks)
I don't hate windows, i love pc gaming but THIS is some shady shit microsoft fuck u and your worthless imbecile space sucking updates17 -
I hate corporate America devs that say “connect with you later today” like the fuck u think I am? A USB port?20
-
This dude that i been helping on his project for free wants me to travel to his city(which is in a different country) to discuss the project and what's missing lmao hahahahahahahahahahahahaha yeah right.
Wondering how he managed to text with his head so far up his ass.
Fucking idiot.
Suuuure thing buddy, guess i will be paying for all my expenses as well using the money you have not given me? Fuck you think this is? If i agreed to help out it was to help one of your developers who so happen to be my boy and even he knows u is full of shit
Think this is my first rodeo? Bitch asked me to send him the project and i fucking denied it and he didn't like it. Said the code is his lmfao not ze fuck is not. No contract? Bitch your ass can come on over to Texas and demand it. Damn sure your dumbass is going to dislike demanding shit looking down the barrel of a .45
Fucking idiot2 -
First (procedural) c++ lectures:
Prof: K guys, go ahead and attempt the homework
Students: sir, how can we have 1 file per exercise?
P: oh, you can't, just make one huge file with multiple functions and rename them to "main" whenever you wanna run them
Me: WHY DO I EVEN PAY FOR THIS BULLSHIT
Ps: not allowed to use classes as that's too hard...8 -
!dev
Oh my fucking god spotify is SOOOOO trash for free users!!!
I don't mind ads, I don't mind not being able to download.
BUT, it won't let me freaking repeat a single song!
AND, it automatically adds random music to my playlist while listening to it!!!!!!!
Apparently, it has a "feature" (cough limitation cough) that if you are a free user, your playlist must contain at least 15 songs or they will randomly add songs WHILE you are listening to your bloody playlist!!!!
I was so hyped about spotify finally being in India, now I am more disappointed than it not being at all 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑
Edit: This is about spotify android, the desktop (mac for me) version works just fine 😑😑🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️45 -
Well the clown strikes again,
How do u break production and a testing environment in one night?
One full month preping for same thing that revolves around one config file and assured us he was confident,
He wasn't
he managed to fuck it up so bad for the team d brass lost d plot,
I'm not one for condemning people but my God Dante's inferno woulda had an extra ring if he worked with this buck,
The stupidity has shattered my belief in sunshine and rainbows -
I think my days as a dev are over
shit fuck!!!!
All i know is writing code, schematics, systems recommendations
Was given a tender doc for a project
the doc was in 2 parts "Technical" & "Financial"
I HAVE NEVER DONE A TENDER BEFORE and little did i know a shit load of documents are required
MY BOSS GOT FURIUS SINCE I DIDNT COMPILE ALL DOCS and 1 required doc was expired tried to get it renewed and renewal will take 3 week or 1 month and deadline was in 2 hours time
FUCK!!!!
F U C K M E ! ! ! ! !15 -
😡😡😡 Who here thinks that great software can be build in a few hours?!?! My silly ass boss does. He haven't programmed in decades and think we're supposed to be able to build software that doesn't break, has the best security, no flaws, feature rich in VERY, VERY short amount of time!! 😡😡😡 Fuck out of here!! It pisses me off to my core.
Me: Just finished the required software. In a short amount of time with new stuff I've never worked with before.
Him: Well, it took u a week to do. I heard it should've only have taken u a few hours.
Then u build the shit then!!! Fuck out of here.
The Sr. Dev and I was talking about this on Friday. U won't good product...leave us the fuck alone and let us work!!! He don't think that there will be small issues that come up. He thinks we're supposed to already know those issues are gonna exists, like really u fuck tart!?
FUUUUUUCK!!!!7 -
brain: ABSTRACTION ABSTRACTION ABSTRACTION too much ABSTRACTION!
me: jeez calm down a lil i just deployed a boilerplate ember web app with cli tools with next to nothing amount of 'my' code.
b: YES U SUCKER THAT'S WHAT WENT WRONG U DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE LIL STUFF THAT HAPPENS BEHIND THE SCENES THE FUCK MAN U CALL YOURSELF A CS STUDENT YOU CAN'T EVEN WRITE A COMPILER YET
m: sooo remember when we were studying logic gates and binary conversions and you sigkilled all my threads cuz it was 'boring'?
b: why yes why do you ask
m: WELL that's where we'll end up again if you don't stop nagging me about going down. Trust me, I KNOW how to starve you and you'll beg me to use Python again. You start making advanced data structures in C and the next thing you know you're writing assembly code 'just for fun'.
I have a hackathon coming right up and I have to use a framework or my team loses the advantage. Are we good?
b: well if you put it that way...BUT AFTER THAT YOU'RE TAKING ME TO AN ALGORITHM SESSION
m: *eerily stares at the dusty book in the corner*
you... have a deal3 -
So, I'm a Portuguese dude. I have my OS's in English language and Portuguese keyboard. Today, I spent 30 min raging at my computer because I couldn't login. I tried like all my 865725428 passwords (fake number, in case u don't get it) and still couldn't access it. Then I fucking looked and remembered Windows is an asshole and changed my keyboard input to English, so all my symbols were changed. Fuck you Windows, Linux never did this to me. Y the fuck would u? Do u like to fucking make me waste my precious time? Go and fuck yourself with a 35'' CAT-5E cable you prick.10
-
Rant by cozyplanes
Continued from
https://devrant.com/rants/1011255/...
F*** it. Seriously.
I am sure someone of u guys know I am applying for CS class.
I passed the test, and seems i failed the interview.
They asked me how i solved the problem in the test (the one i passed)
I explained, then, it seems the time(15min) has passed, so i came out while i was talking. They didn't asked my skills or interest, it was just explaining how i solved the question.
And the kid who got picked is the kid who did his final year project with scratch.
Fuck why.....
I just can't understand with the results.
1. WTF was that interview.
2. We first sent "about me" thingy, and i guess they only read that even though it may be fake. I wrote my skills (the one in profile especially unity and c# with some interest in ai and ml) but i guess they are looking for something else.
3. How can a scratch kiddy go to CS class? Maybe it was bcuz of the name. The final project name was BetaGo. Fuck it.
I hate life. Damn it. I hate life.
I
HATE
LIFE
I thought for a moment, and the only way to succeed is to make the 2nd monument valley game. World famous, money, awesome life.
Just my thoughts. Random thoughts.
Thanks for reading til here. My mind is shaking now.
Help.
Thanks again.3 -
FUCK YOU BUSINESS GUY
FUCK YOUR SCOPE CREEP
SOLO DEV AINT GIVING U 20 FEATURES IN ONE MOTHERFUCKING WEEK
Seriously, though. Being a solo full-stackq developer who can do both frontend (react, redux) and backend (feathers, node) does NOT mean you have twice the manpower to accomplish all of your shitty shit. Just because you have an idea does NOT mean I have to implement all of it. You don't even have a motherfucking specifications for me, yet you expect me to deliver shitloads of complete fucking feature in a fucking week. This is not a fucking joke. I am NOT your mother fucking tool. I need time to build my stack, design and perfect the interface. I don't want a shitty motherfucking product on my fucking portfolio.
*dies inside*
11 -
Alright, I have no idea who to blame!
Me and my Linux group at college hosted a Firefox Quantum Sprint with about 30people. And we promised them Firefox swag coz Mozilla promised us! Its been more than two fuckin weeks since we were supposed to recieve them... no swag!
Well, guess what? The local post office says "Insufficient Reciever Address". I specifically remember giving u morons More than sufficient sender address! My name, college name, college address, my number... thats enough to get me assasinated if u want and u cant send a package of stickers?!!!
Well shit.. after five more emails I havent even gotten a reply from Mozilla.. or maybe its the weekends... fuck! Why am i defending these assholes?!!
Send me ur swag Mozilla! Or I ll... I ll...
Wait.. i cant do shit!
Fuck my life! 😣😣😣1 -
Got pulled out of bed at 6 am again this morning, our VMs were acting up again. Not booting, running extremely slow, high disk usage, etc.
This was the 6 time in as many weeks this happened. And always the marching orders were the same. Find the bug, smash the bug, get it working with the least effort. I've dumped hundreds of hours maintaining this broken shitheap of a system, putting off other duties to keep mission critical stations running.
The culprits? Scummy consultants, Windows 10 1709, and Citrix Studio.
Xen Server performed well enough, likely due to its open source origins and Centos architecture.
Whelp. DasSeahawks was good and pissed. Nothing like getting rousted out of bed after a few scant hours rest for patching the same broken system.
DasSeahawks lost his temper. Things went flying. Exorcists were dispatched and promptly eaten.
Enough. No consultants, no analysts, and no experts touched it. No phone calls, no manuals, not even a google search. Just a very pissed admin and his minion declaring blitzkrieg.
We made our game plan, moved the users out, smoked our cigs, chugged monster, and queued a gnu-metal playlist on spotify.
Then we took a wrecking ball to the whole setup. User docs were saved, all else was rm -r * && shred && summon -u Poseidon -beast Land_Cracken.
Started at 3pm and finished just after midnight. Rebuilt all the vms with RDP, murdered citrix studio (and their bullshit licenses), completely blocked Windows 10 updates after 1607, and load balanced the network.
So what do we get when all the experts are fired? Stabbed lightning. VMs boot in less than 10 seconds, apps open instantly, and server resources are half their previous usage state. My VMs are now the fastest stations in our complex, as they should be.
Next to do: install our mxgpu, script up snapshots and heartbeat, destroy Windows ads/telemetry, and setup PDQ. damn its good to be good!
What i learned --> never allow testing to go to production, consultants will fuck up your shit for a buck, and vendors are half as reliable over consultants. Windows works great without Microsoft, thin clients are overpriced, and getting pissed gets things done.
This my friends, is why admins are assholes.4 -
So, I wanted to find a new way to arrange my language's alphabet. Atm, I'm loosely using latin's system even though my system is weird;
A B K D E F G H I IE SH L M N O P R S T U V
So, I remember that another language (I think Japanese) uses a poem with every letter to figure the order of their letters, so I decided to do the same.
Only problem is: My current word list is very limited, some of the letters I needed only existed in specific words (aka, the word for "Dark") so I ended up making a very depressing poem.
Enjoy! Or not.. I'm not going to tell you what to do.
English translation below. I also will post images of it written in my language's script, as well as one line in my language's cursive script (I'm not doing the whole thing in cursive because fuck that)
Senarseha:
Seh ninfuat seh nem fieta; Seka sato nem fiekm juna jenes sermin.
Seh ninfuat sif nemsin netua niet; Seka sem sedma nemat sargo no
nrokniet sam fiekmin sehim sepra.
Sehim sinta nem nara niv nakliet.
Seh nem sine fieta.
English:
I say I am well; But all is dark before day begins.
I say it isn't too much; But this place is a farm of
preasure that blackens my soul.
My mind is ever in agony.
I am not well.6 -
Dear brain, could u please work?
"No you motherfugging arsehole, scratch the sand out of your vagina and make yourself your own processor. Fuck u."
Seems like it's the jolly season of "my brain is uncooperative and unwilling".1 -
One of the companies that rejected me sent me feedback which I took gracefully coz u sexy cunts told me it wasn't the end of the world when I ranted about it here. Well now they are offering me another interview and I am hella nervous coz I don't want to fuck it. Good thing is the feedback they gave me were actually all shit I know and use daily in my work, I am just bad at explaining plsu was nervous at the last interview. Now I am worried coz it's on monday and I have not had time to practice explaining the lang well coz work has been crazy (literally on a 10 min break now since 9am..almost 10hrs working) which is weird right coz last year I actually used to teach.9
-
It's not that my work is hard. Basically, all the work I do these days is something I've done before with a slight twist on it.
I just feel underappreciated.
"bUt u mAkE sO mUcH mOnEy dO uR jObBbb!!"
How much money I make should not suppress how I feel at a company. Two years without a raise, every company meeting is a circle jerk for the sales team, and whenever our work is mentioned it's "Great job to the PMs for getting this to our clients."
Fuck you guys. Lol. This is a team effort from all sides, but to put engineers last on the "kudos" ladder is just so shitty.8 -
FUCK U GOOGLE PHOTOS, I MANUALLY UPLOAD PHOTOS FROM THE APP AND THEN DELETE ONE FROM THE WEB APP FROM MY PC BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT THAT ONE UPLOADED.....
BUT IT DELETED IT ON MY PHONE.... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lesson of the Day: Manually copy all photos to PC and external HD first. Then upload the ones you want.
This is taking a while.... i wonder if i have enough disk space.....
11 -
"nobody came to my party, but its ok, i had my code"
"haha i dont have friends other than computers"
"im so sad right now, at least i have my cat"
GO FUCK YOURSELF U FUCKING ATTENTION WHORE21 -
So ok here it is, as asked in the comments.
Setting: customer (huge electronics chain) wants a huge migration from custom software to SAP erp, hybris commere for b2b and ... azure cloud
Timeframe: ~10 months….
My colleague and me had the glorious task to make the evaluation result of the B2B approval process (like you can only buy up till € 1000, then someone has to approve) available in the cart view, not just the end of the checkout. Well I though, easy, we have the results, just put them in the cart … hmm :-\
The whole thing is that the the storefront - called accelerator (although it should rather be called decelerator) is a 10-year old (looking) buggy interface, that promises to the customers, that it solves all their problems and just needs some minor customization. Fact is, it’s an abomination, which makes us spend 2 months in every project to „ripp it apart“ and fix/repair/rebuild major functionality (which changes every 6 months because of „updates“.
After a week of reading the scarce (aka non-existing) docs and decompiling and debugging hybris code, we found out (besides dozends of bugs) that this is not going to be easy. The domain model is fucked up - both CartModel and OrderModel extend AbstractOrderModel. Though we only need functionality that is in the AbstractOrderModel, the hybris guys decided (for an unknown reason) to use OrderModel in every single fucking method (about 30 nested calls ….). So what shall we do, we don’t have an order yet, only a cart. Fuck lets fake an order, push it through use the results and dismiss the order … good idea!? BAD IDEA (don’t ask …). So after a week or two we changed our strategy: create duplicate interface for nearly all (spring) services with changed method signatures that override the hybris beans and allow to use CartModels (which is possible, because within the super methods, they actually „cast" it to AbstractOrderModel *facepalm*).
After about 2 months (2 people full time) we have a working „prototype“. It works with the default-sample-accelerator data. Unfortunately the customer wanted to have it’s own dateset in the system (what a shock). Well you guess it … everything collapsed. The way the customer wanted to "have it working“ was just incompatible with the way hybris wants it (yeah yeah SAP, hybris is sooo customizable …). Well we basically had to rewrite everything again.
Just in case your wondering … the requirements were clear in the beginning (stick to the standard! [configuration/functinonality]). Well, then the customer found out that this is shit … and well …
So some months later, next big thing. I was appointed technical sublead (is that a word)/sub pm for the topics‚delivery service‘ (cart, delivery time calculation, u name it) and customerregistration - a reward for my great work with the b2b approval process???
Customer's office: 20+ people, mostly SAP related, a few c# guys, and drumrole .... the main (external) overall superhero ‚im the greates and ur shit‘ architect.
Aberage age 45+, me - the ‚hybris guy’ (he really just called me that all the time), age 32.
He powerpoints his „ tables" and other weird out of this world stuff on the wall, talks and talks. Everyone is in awe (or fear?). Everything he says is just bullshit and I see it in the eyes of the others. Finally the hybris guy interrups him, as he explains the overall architecture (which is just wrong) and points out how it should be (according to my docs which very more up to date. From now on he didn't just "not like" me anymore. (good first day)
I remember the looks of the other guys - they were releaved that someone pointed that out - saved the weeks of useless work ...
Instead of talking the customer's tongue he just spoke gibberish SAP … arg (common in SAP land as I had to learn the hard way).
Outcome of about (useless) 5 meetings later: we are going to blow out data from informatica to sap to azure to datahub to hybris ... hmpf needless to say its fucking super slow.
But who cares, I‘ll get my own rest endpoint that‘ll do all I need.
First try: error 500, 2. try: 20 seconds later, error message in html, content type json, a few days later the c# guy manages to deliver a kinda working still slow service, only the results are wrong, customer blames the hybris team, hmm we r just using their fucking results ...
The sap guys (customer service) just don't seem to be able to activate/configure the OOTB odata service, so I was told)
Several email rounds, meetings later, about 2 months, still no working hybris integration (all my emails with detailed checklists for every participent and deadlines were unanswered/ignored or answered with unrelated stuff). Customer pissed at us (god knows why, I tried, I really did!). So I decide to fly up there to handle it all by myself16 -
I submitted a security report some days ago.
It is well written, it explains what is happening and what is the impact providing an example. I give some advice about how to handle this situation, it's about concurrency issues and it's pretty tricky to debug.
Answer from the reviewer:
"Please, can you tell me what are the implications?"
...
...
FUCK.
IT'S LITERALLY FUCKING WRITTEN,
CAN U EVEN READ IT?
THERE ARE PICTURES DESCRIBING THE ISSUE, I EVEN ATTACHED A FILE YOU CAN USE TO DEBUG.
...
This is the last time I report vulnerabilities.3 -
At work, my closest relation is with the DBA. Dude is a genius when it comes to proper database management as well as having a very high level of understanding concerning server administration, how he got that good at that I have no clue, he just says that he likes to fuck around with servers, Linux in particular although he also knows a lot about Windows servers.
Thing is, the dude used to work as a dev way back when VB pre VB.NET was all the rage and has been generating different small tools for his team of analysts(I used to be a part of his team) to use with only him maintaining them. He mentioned how he did not like how Microsoft just said fk u to VB6 developers, but that he was happy as long as he could use VB. He relearned how to do most of the GUI stuff he was used to do with VB6 into VB.NEt and all was good with the world. I have seen his code, proper OOP practices and architectural decisions, etc etc. Nothing to complain about his code, seems easy enough to extend, properly documented as well.
Then he got with me in order to figure out how to breach the gap between building GUI applications into web form, so that we could just host those apps in one of our servers and his users go from there, boy was he not prepared to see the amount of fuckery that we do in the web development world. Last time my dude touched web development there was still Classic ASP with JScript and VBScript(we actually had the same employer at one point in the past in which I had to deal with said technology, not bad, but definitely not something I recommend for the current state of web development) and decided that the closest thing to what he was used was either PHP(which he did not enjoy, no problem with that really, he just didn't click with the language) and WebForms using VB.NET, which he also did not like on account of them basically being on support mode since Microsoft is really pushing for people to adopt dotnet core.
After came ASP.NET with MVC, now, he did like it, but still had that lil bug in his head that told him that sticking to core was probably a better idea since he was just starting, why not start with the newest and greatest? Then in hit(both of us actually) that to this day Microsoft still not has command line templates for building web applications in .net core using VB.NET. I thought it was weird, so I decided to look into. Turns out, that without using Razor, you can actually build Web APIs with VB.NET just fine if you just convert a C# template into VB.NET, the process was...err....tricky, and not something we would want to do for other projects, with that in we decided to look into Microsoft's reasons to not have VB.NET. We discovered how Microsoft is not keeping the same language features between both languages, having crown C# as the language of choice for everything Microsoft, to this point, it seems that Microsoft was much more focused in developing features for the excellent F# way more than it ever had for VB.NET at this point and that it was not a major strategy for them to adapt most of the .net core functionality inside of VB, we found articles when the very same Microsoft team stated of how they will be slowly adding the required support for VB and that on version 5 we would definitely have proper support for VB.NET ALTHOUGH they will not be adding any new development into the language.
Past experience with Microsoft seems to point at them getting more and more ready to completely drop the language, it does not matter how many people use it, they would still kill it :P I personally would rather keep it, or open source the language's features so that people can keep adding support to it(if they can of course) because of its historical significance rather than them just completely dropping the language. I prefer using C#, and most of my .net core applications use C#, its very similar to Java on a lot of things(although very much different in others) and I am fine with it being the main language. I just think that it sucks to leave such a large developer pool in the shadows with their preferred tool of choice and force them to use something else just like that.
My boy is currently looking at how I developed a sample api with validation, user management, mediatR and a custom project structure as well as a client side application using React and typescript swappable with another one built using Angular(i wanted to test the differences to see which one I prefer, React with Typescript is beautiful, would not want to use it without it) and he is hating every minute of it on account of how complex frontend development has become :V
Just wanted to vent a little about a non bothersome situation.6 -
U know this guy, whos Shady AS FUCK..
He waited until the end of the daily(when noone was putting attention) to make an agreement with the PO about some decisions of the user history..
He doesnt even know WTF is doing, so he wanted to swap his user history for another one..
U & ALL THE PEOPLE WHO NEVER WORK WITH THE TEAM & USE PRIVATES CHATS TO CONTROL OTHERS!
FUCK U!!3 -
Look, I get that it's really tricky to assess whether someone is or isn't skilled going solely by their profile.
That's alright.
What isn't center of the cosmic rectum alright with the fucking buttsauce infested state of interviews is that you give me the most far fetched and convoluted nonsense to solve and then put me on a fucking timer.
And since there isn't a human being on the other side, I can't even ask for clarification nor walk them through my reasoning. No, eat shit you cunt juice swallowing mother fucker, anal annhilation on your whole family with a black cock stretching from Zimbabwe to Singapore, we don't care about this "reasoning" you speak of. Fuck that shit! We just hang out here, handing out tricks in the back alley and smoking opium with vietnamese prostitutes, up your fucking ass with reason.
Let me tell you something mister, I'm gonna shove a LITERAL TON of putrid gorilla SHIT down your whore mouth then cum all over your face and tits, let's see how you like THAT.
Cherry on top: by the time I began figuring out where my initial approach was wrong, it was too late. Get that? L'esprit d'escalier, bitch. I began to understand the problem AFTER the timer was up. I could solve it now, except it wouldn't do me any fucking good.
The problem? Locate the topmost 2x2 block inside a matrix whose values fall within a particular range. It's easy! But if you don't explain it properly, I have to sit down re-reading the description and think about what the actual fuck is this cancerous liquid queef that just got forcefully injected into my eyes.
But since I can't spend too much time trying to comperfukenhend this two dollar handjob of a task, which I'd rather swap for teabagging a hairy ass herpes testicle sack, there's rushing in to try and make sense of this shit as I type.
So I'm about 10 minutes down or so already, 35 to go. I finally decipher that I should get the XY coords of each element within the specified range, then we'll walk an array of those coordinates and check for adjacency. Easy! Done, and done.
Another 10 minutes down, all checks in place. TEST. Wait, wat? Where's the output? WHERE. THE FUCK. IS. THE OUTPUT?! BITCH GIMME AN ANSWER. I COUT'D THE RETURN AND CAN SEE THE TERMINAL BUT ITS NOT SHOWING ME ANYTHINGGG?! UUUGHHH FUCKKFKFKFKFKFKFKFUFUFUFFKFK (...)
Alright, we have about 20 minutes left to finish this motorsaw colonoscopy, and I can't see what my code is outputting so I'm walking through the code myself trying to figure out if this will work. Oh, look at that I have to MANUALLY click this fucking misaligned text that says "clear" in order for any new output to register. Lovely, 10/10 web design, I will violate your armpits with an octopus soaked in rabid bear piss.
Mmmh, looks like I got this wrong. Figures. I'm building the array of coordinates sequentially, as a one dimentional list, which is very inconvenient for finding adjacent elements. No problem, let's try and fix that aaaaaand... SHIT IM ALMOST OUT OF TIME.
QUICK LYEB, QUICK!! REMEMBER WHAT FISCELLA TAUGHT YOU, IN BETWEEN MOLESTING YOUR SOUL WITH 16-BIT I/O CONSOLE PROBLEMS, LIKE THAT BITCH SNOWFALL THING YOU HAD TO SOLVE FOR A FRIEND USING TURBO C ON A FUCKING TOASTER IN COMPUTER LAB! RUN MOTHERFUCKER RUN!!!
I'm SWEATING. HEAVILY. I'm STEAMING, NON-EROTICALLY. Less than 10 minutes left. I'm trying to correct the code I have, but I start making MORE dumbfuck mistakes because I'm in a hurry!
5 minutes left. As I hit this point of no return, I realize exactly where my initial reasoning went wrong, and how I could fix it, but I can't because I don't have enough time. Sadface.
So I hastily put together skeleton of the correct implementation, and as the clock is nearly up, I write a comment explaining the bits I can't get to write. Page up, top of file, type "the editor was shit LMAO" and comment it out. SUBMIT.
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Also hi ;>5 -
my code went into an infinite loop of printing "fuck". that happens when u forget to put curly braces and the first line after the if statement is printf("fuck\n");6
-
I was trying to understand the source code of aircrack-ng which is written in C today.
Suddenly I saw sth strange !
WTF !! what is #ifdef ??? I've never seen that before !
So I told myself : hey ! You have to download a complete C programming course!
so I did , but when I skimmed through the titles , again:
WTF ! I know all of them! So why the fuck I could not fully understand the code ? Where can I find anything I missed ?
So... I'm asking U :)14 -
*flashback to days of windows xp*
Just finished formatting and installing xp on friend's trash pc cuz the os was compromised due to a shitload of viruses. Notice that other partitions might still be infected and i don't have an antivirus on me.
"Big boi Ill be back in an hour, just whatever you do, don't open ANY drives no matter how urgent it is. Just Don't do it or i won't be able to help you"
Come back and VIOLA this worthless trash avocado opened a drive to play a game and d pc was infected. Again. Back to square one. It almost broke my heart. Almost.
I remember that day well. I was 15yo and hopeful. That day marks d start of my hatred toward tech incompetent people.
SO FKIN
A N G E R Y
So today
College
My classmates stink of incompetence. I'm not that smart in fact i consider myself to be a noob among devs but seeing ppl that are several order of magnitudes trashier than me breaks my heart and makes me soo Fkin
A N G E R Y
Hey you cunt of a skunk, WHY can't you even compile a fkin cpp file without an IDE what the fuck is wrong with you? What do u mean ur program isn't compiling? Well it literally says there syntax error on line 15 congrats u moron u fkin spelled else as esle. Why shud I waste my time on stupid Shitty ppl like u huh?
And waddup mr shithead.No. Not gonna help you partition ur drives and install a fkin linux just cuz ur too lazy to google it urself.
And if i refuse to help cuz im working on my shit then I AM D BAD GUY? Stop bitching about me u lazy bastards get ur lazy arse off and read the fkin book. Watch a tutorial or sm shit why the fuck can't u understand YOU LITERALLY PAY TO COME HERE AND YOU AREN'T EVEN TRYING TO LEARN THE BASICS GOOD LUCK GETTING A JOB YOU WORTHLESS CUNTS.
Now now all the poison is out i can finally focus on improving myself and stop giving a fuck about them. Its hard to be calm and cool when ur surrounded by ppl like this all day. Even harder when there is almost noone that you can look upto. All this time, there's only one thing I've learnt- in a place like dis, being an asshole is better dan being polite.3 -
Its mine office setup, just a laptop and two pictures in which one is of UFO.. Well UFO means U Fuck Off..
Interesting part is..
Everyone comes at my desk and says "nice UFO".. They really don't know what does it means.. 😁
2 -
Not as much of a rant as a share of my exasperation you might breathe a bit more heavily out your nose at.
My work has dealt out new laptops to devs. Such shiny, very wow. They're also famously easy to use.
.
.
.
My arse.
.
.
.
I got the laptop, transferred the necessary files and settings over, then got to work. Delivered ticket i, delivered ticket j, delivered the tests (tests first *cough*) then delivered Mr Bullet to Mr Foot.
Day 4 of using the temporary passwords support gave me I thought it was time to get with department policy and change my myriad passwords to a single one. Maybe it's not as secure but oh hell, would having a single sign-on have saved me from this.
I went for my new machine's password first because why not? It's the one I'll use the most, and I definitely won't forget it. I didn't. (I didn't.) I plopped in my memorable password, including special characters, caps, and numbers, again (carefully typed) in the second password field, then nearly confirmed. Curiosity, you bastard.
There's a key icon by the password field and I still had milk teeth left to chew any and all new features with.
Naturally I click on it. I'm greeted by a window showing me a password generating tool. So many features, options for choosing length, character types, and tons of others but thinking back on it, I only remember those two. I had a cheeky peek at the different passwords generated by it, including playing with the length slider. My curiosity sated, I closed that window and confirmed that my password was in.
You probably know where this is going. I say probably to give room for those of you like me who certifiably. did. not.
Time to test my new password.
*Smacks the power button to log off*
Time to put it in (ooer)
*Smacks in the password*
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
Whoops, typo probably.
Do it again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
No u.
Try again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
Try my previous password.
Well, SUCCESS... but actually, no.
Tried the previous previous password.
T O O M A N Y A T T E M P T S
Ahh fuck, I can't believe I've done this, but going to support is for pussies. I'll put this by the rest of the fire, I can work on my old laptop.
Day starts getting late, gotta go swimming soonish. Should probably solve the problem. Cue a whole 40 minutes trying my 15 or so different passwords and their permutations because oh heck I hope it's one of them.
I talk to a colleague because by now the "days since last incident" counter has been reset.
"Hello there Ryan, would you kindly go on a voyage with me that I may retrace my steps and perhaps discover the source of this mystery?"
"A man chooses, a slave obeys. I choose... lmao ye sure m8, but I'm driving"
We went straight for the password generator, then the length slider, because who doesn't love sliding a slidey boi. Soon as we moved it my upside down frown turned back around. Down in the 'new password' and the 'confirm new password' IT WAS FUCKING AUTOCOMPLETING. The slidey boi was changing the number of asterisks in both bars as we moved it. Mystery solved, password generator arrested, shit's still fucked.
Bite the bullet, call support.
"Hi, I need my password resetting. I dun goofed"
*details tech support needs*
*It can be sorted but the tech is ages away*
Gotta be punctual for swimming, got two whole lengths to do and a sauna to sit in.
"I'm off soon, can it happen tomorrow?"
"Yeah no problem someone will be down in the morning."
Next day. Friday. 3 hours later, still no contact. Go to support room myself.
The guy really tries, goes through everything he can, gets informed that he needs a code from Derek. Where's Derek? Ah shet. He's on holiday.
There goes my weekend (looong weekend, bank holiday plus day flexi-time) where I could have shown off to my girlfriend the quality at which this laptop can play all our favourite animé, and probably get remind by her that my personal laptop has an i2350u with integrated graphics.
TODAY. (Part is unrelated, but still, ugh.)
Go to work. Ten minutes away realise I forgot my door pass.
Bollocks.
Go get a temporary pass (of shame).
Go to clock in. My fob was with my REAL pass.
What the wank.
Get to my desk, nobody notices my shame. I'm thirsty. I'll have the bottle from my drawer. But wait, what's this? No key that usually lives with my pass? Can't even unlock it?
No thanks.
Support might be able to cheer me up. Support is now for manly men too.
*Knock knock*
"Me again"
"Yeah give it here, I've got the code"
He fixes it, I reset my pass, sensibly change my other passwords.
Or I would, if the internet would work.
It connects, but no traffic? Ryan from earlier helps, we solve it after a while.
My passwords are now sorted, machine is okay, crisis resolved.
*THE END*
If you skipped the whole thing and were expecting a tl;dr, you just lost the game.
Otherwise, I absolve you of having lost the game.
Exactly at the char limit9 -
!rant
The efficiency of every dev stack in the world will never compare to just dropping my folder of php code into a server, with proper configurations, routes envs and everything else into a folder and watch it run.
I a pops shop wants me to build something for them? php
If an enterprise grade with a lot of users comes about? php
I have yet to have a single issue with it as most of you evee poluted, herd ready, mob mentality mfkers want to make believe.
Legit, the language is flawed, but has yet to fuck with me, i have memorized the quirks and fuckups of the language (much like I have done with JS) to know that a lot of you just bandwaggon over shit.
"It DoeSnt hAve proPer geNerics"
boom, deployed a form to a customer for his site, charged $2k for a one day job with no issue. But go ahead, setup an entire fucking pipeline of dependencies, a .net app and/or an entire bs app in node or rails(which I love btw) or an entire fuckState centric app in Go that gets messier the more you look at it and it would not be as easy or as simple to deploy.
Legit, in my entire career, nothing makes my life simpler for the web.22 -
I have a guy sitting next to me in class. We were working on the same project. It's about rewriting a functioning mergesort algorithm in C and doing a presentation about that topic.
Now... the thing is that I was ill on that specific day when we got that project assigned. And he didn't tell me it either. I asked the whole class.
They just said that there was nothing special about that day. These fuckers.
Anyway...
Thé following week we had the same lesson again. Actually there were more than both of us. We were a group of 5 dudes.
3 of them barely have anything to do with programming at all. They just learn for the exams and have bad grades in programming.
Luckily, they already wrote the functioning sorting algorithm.
Since that is the case, I chose to review it to get deeper into that topic.
There were comments in English (we live in Germany) and these comments were written in a different style. My classmates would never comment in such a way.
It was a modified version copied from the internet. The whole source code.
The variables had names like j,k,b,u and so on. It was perfectly obfuscated.
Yesterday, I wasn't at college either.
I had to show up to a given time at a government bureau. They have been working on that project that day. So, I decided to ask them via a messenger, if they can give me the newest presentation files after 1 pm.
They said that they barely have anything to present. They would like to improvise they said.
"Fuck you all" I thought.
I'm done with these fucking illiterate humans.
I hope they all die in hell with satan having a ride on them. Stabbing them from behind right into their assholes and eating their ball sacks (if they have any).
Today is the presentation.
That's when I decided not to drive there during these specific lessons.1 -
Recently was in a recruitment hackathon for leading technology company.
So, to test ppls networking, team building skill they grouped ppl into a team.
I was teamed up with noobs, and had very bad experience.
One guy in the team was arguing to use PHP for developing a web app.
Me : What PHP framework are u good at!?
He: what is framework !?
Me : like laravel etc..
He: no I meant we use plain PHP!
Me (mind voice) : go fuck yourself, I am bailing out , I Do not need the job
Me : It's ohk we only know NodeJs , so, gave a wierd smile
He was still arguing ,but I gave 0 f***
This is considered as a fight!?
Yeah not the worst though
Apparently the recruitment ppl liked him a lot in my team!2 -
Just spent an hour looking at the NYC Subway maps vs the direction Google wanted me to take.
Google found the most efficient way is to take E train then transfer to R which then goes back a bit like a U-turn to get to my stop.
Then looking at the subway map, I can just take the R train... Since none of these trains are express... How the fuck did Google think that A-B-C is faster than A-C....11 -
I started the weekend saying i wanna code some personal projects. Its sunday and u know what, fuck no. Sure we love to code but we are still human gonna go sit in a jakuzi and swim a little tonight. We need to relax every now and then. So if ur feeling theres a lot of shit u need to do... take a break. Seriously everyone needs it2
-
Well,
Till now, my experience with Mac OS and iOS has been fucking shit... and that is, if said elegantly...
As of now, I have formatted my phone AND laptop about 8-9 times i believe ( got phone a week ago, laptop a couple weeks ago )...
iCloud won't even work properly for me, image synchronization is pretty much fucked up in every damn way and is unresponsive for 99%. The remaining 1% when it works is the time when i actually reformat the system.
And don't even get me started on "Continuity"... it is continuously, robustly, non working at all times. Hell, the phone can't even connect to the laptop over bluetooth, so Continuity is a far off thing.
VERY disappointed at Apple.
OR, it hates me particularly because everything works perfectly fine for a friend of mine. ( He hasn't even formatted his devices once since like 2 years... ).
I love technology, but apparently, it HATES me to death </3
Oh and fuck u Apple for giving me such a pitiful software suite...
BTW, undergoing another format on phone. On laptop right now to write this rant. Laptop is gonna be formatted again in like 6-7 hours from now...
😞😞😞😞3 -
It's not just the fucking money, it's my fucking time. U wanted Polymer but now React?!! Fuck me sideways!4
-
I'm an angular 1 dev...so already you can tell, im a rare bean...i didn't go to university and i left 6th form (college)after 3 months....have a job due to experiences coding. as it was my passion since i was about 12. so all i can say is FUCK U DEGREES,I DON'T NEED YOUR EXPENSIVE ASS,
also this is my first post :)8 -
WordPress makes me a violent person. I just fucking hate WordPress with all my guts.
Fuck WordPress. F U C K WordPress.5 -
Why am I sad, depressed, demotivated, you ask?
Because I was asked to create-react-app with nodemailer, it worked well on heroku, YAYYY MEE, "
"NOTHING GOES WRONG IN DEPLOYMENT FUCK YEAH"
Little did I know that was a "demo" for the business people, My superior / manager/boss wants me to deploy on 1and1 service provider,
> Okay 1 and 1 service provider does provide Nodej, so it shouldn't be hard.
> Turns out it is a Windows hosting server IIS 10 without URL Rewrite.
> *INTERNAL SCREAMING*
I went up to him to talk about this issue and requested to let me talk to 1 and 1, and get this sorted
> But bro, if we cannot fix it, I think they also cannot fix, probably.
*INTERNAL SCREAMING AT PEAK*
I just want URL Rewrite installed on IIS10 so that I can move on to the next project.
A little background for this project
> No support from him during development.
> I personally used HD Images, because why not?
> Website seems slow because of HD Images, and now he complains about it.
You fucking (managers) want a website to be scalable and fast and yet you choose to focus on B U S I N E S S instead of support the real guy.
I'm fucking sick and tired, it took me 24 hours figure out the issue because there is nothing on 1 and 1 support/ forum/help center.
Another 24 hours to try and fix, yet no luck.
I'm gonna finally point the domain name to heroku. Fuck, I'm so fucking done6 -
Unicode support pl0x.
So I had an Windows account with AzureAD, and my real name has "ő" and "ó" in it, and software that did not support Unicde started flipping the fuck out.
I was intially going with junctioning every bullshit corrupted user folder name that showed up in the ENOENTs to my real user folder, but that didn't solve it for a couple of software.
I was trying to share my drives with Docker, but the same shit occurred. No error message, it just didn't work. I ended up creating a new user account for Docker to share the drive with.
I was trying to use the Travis CLI to set up releases, etc., but it replaced the "ő" with "?". Y U DO THAT?! Common knowledge is that "?" and other special characters cannot be in entity names. SO WHY DO YOU REPLACE THE UNKNOWN CHARACTER IN A PATH WITH THAT? And it wasn't a character not found character either! It was just a straight question mark.
I ended up creating a new user account because I couldn't change the name of the current one because fuck AzureAD, and Windows just decided to FUCKING TRASH MY ACCOUNT. I went over to the new one, copied over some files from the old one, tried to go back to the old one to copy env variables, but I noticed that the account has been purged from the registry... At least the files haven't been deleted.
I ended up reinstalling Windows.
After all my frustration, I recommend all companies with a CLI to visit the following website: http://uplz.skiilaa.me/
Thanks.1 -
Free Time + RapsberryPi + Alexa + alcohole = Smart Bartender
https://youtu.be/AEhlohTol-U
Fuck yeah I love the future4 -
Some fuckin ppl man wtf, as a said here before I'm not the most skilled or elegant developer at my company but fuck me am not as dumb as some fuckin cunts
We have 2 separate packages dedicated to add reusable components but some asshole with shit for brains just keeps adding these components in one of the main repos and it's like r u retarded or something, like u know that's not what's meant to happen cause you've used the components from those other repos. Sometime I jus wanna die and I've only been working as a dev for about 2 yrs 🤦♂️3 -
Hey Code-tards,
We're announcing a new update to our software `FUCK YOU` to include a new 'feature' no one asked and would give a FLYING FUCK about, but we were sitting on our MOTHERFUCKING ASSES and had to justify our salaries somehow.
So this new feature really just makes your life horrible by taking away or breaking all useful features you were PERFECTLY HAPPY with before, but FUCK YOU if you aren't happy with it and don't throw half of your salary our way every month.
Remember our library you were perfectly OK with, that u integrated in your codebase? DEPRECATED from this second onwards. WHY? BECAUSE FUCK YOU ! That's WHY.
Oh yeah, and one last thing before we make your life a living hellhole, give us your SSN, credit card(s) and mortgage payments to us, you money-hungry CUNT. Haven't you heard the phrase already? YOU WILL OWN NOTHING AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY.2 -
Ugh, I know I sound like an u grateful little brat, but summer holidays just aren't for me.
I hate wasting my time on the beach.
I hate the feeling of skin burn.
I fucking despise people that don't give a flying fuck about other's comfort and blast Disco Polo on their own JBL speakers. Even though there's music provided by the hotel.
Also babies, babies everywhere, crying and dashing around. My head hurts when I think about flying back. And I LIKE airplanes. But not when every baby and their mothers are crying on the top of their lungs.
Winter is so much better. Skiing is great and I don't have to worry all the time about getting skin cancer.11 -
I live in a 3rd world country so we don’t have a lot of technological advancements as compared to to developed countries. This means true technological talent is very rare maybe 0.01% of the people in the space, which in this case is programming. Why then do these dumb Fucks who didn’t even score good enough grades to attend any computer science related course which aren’t even that high, so high minded(pun may be intended). Seriously every time i meet someone somewhat capable in their domain e.g. mobile devs or frontend devs, talk like they can move the fucking world and change the course of humanity but when you ask them to pass down the knowledge you will receive a fuck u note of no reply. This pisses me off because I thought because of our slow progress in catching up with the world we would have communities that aim to expand the knowledge of everyone and help everyone help themselves.
I write this because I’ve attended so many meetups around my area and every time I ask someone for help to get to some enlightenment as they have the reply is always put down your email and I’ll send it to you and this is the last you ever hear from them.
The worst part is you’ll see them bragging on local forums about how awesome they are and see them poking holes at other peoples attempts. Seriously if you are so great why aren’t the tech giants of the world salivating over your talents.
Personally I believe that these people are afraid that once they pass the knowledge someone will beat them at it and they won’t be as “awesome” as they initially thought.
That said not everyone is like this we have some good eggs in the basket. To the others I would like to let them know that we can’t know everything and someone somewhere is always gonna be better than us, a candle never loses its light by lighting another candle. If you are one of these people please try and make a change. You never know what’ll come out of it.1 -
I'm very short tempered at the moment.
A lot like Dr Cox in Scrubs.
And really ... You mother fucking stupid idiotic developers with your tendency to discuss absolutely everything just to not have to work for a dozen more minutes...
But ok. Let's discuss.
But even that seems to be absolutely impossible for you little shitheads.
Instead of discussing solutions, nooooooooo....
We're grown up developers so we discuss how the baddy manager hurt our lil feelings by saying that we're morons for wasting all the fucking time without coming up with a solution.
Now my lil cry babies, once the baddy manager got your pacifiers so at least once in an hour my migraine finally calms down for not hearing your bitching pathetic lil whiny noises...
Face it. Over the years you collected a huge ton of mother fucking tech debt because no one of you actually took a bit of time to use that empty space in your head to think at least a mu further than the dumb jira task you were given.
And yes. That ends badly.
And yes. As it is now in a state of cluster fuck, guess what. You have to work. You get money for it, remember?
And yes. if you would stop moping and bitching and crying and being a pathetic lil piece of shit, you'd realize we could come up with solutions very fast.
But nooo... Let's talk about our feelings.
And how we are over worked.
And how nothing works.
Cause yes. That will be the hail mary that saves us all.
Let me give u a hint: it's a mother fucking waste of time bitches.
I think it's time I put a pacifier not only in your mouth, but arse too. Maybe it helps overcoming the anal and oral phase of childhood so we can at least have something close to adult talk.
*breathes in*
Gooozfraba.3 -
fuck u aws
all that money and u can't read idiot proof documentation for me to have SQS connect to a VPC endpoint to read a message
also fuck u search algorithms for not handing me an easy bake solution to what is a not a novel situation
also fuck me for being unable to git gud5 -
How it feels when u start a project with friends and those fuck their ass and take credit themself only .
"I know u are reading this guyz so just go fuck your asses" -
Me: I am feeling pretty good. I am at home where it's cold, watching tv with my kid and gonna wait for my wife to get here so that I can go to the gym!
My stomach: FUCK U NIUKKA *PAIN/NAUSEA/MOREFUCKING PAIN*
If organs would just grow on trees i would have snapped this fucking asshole from my stomach a longass fucking time ago.1 -
And a big fuck you to sony mobile, I hope you die soon.
TLDR: sent a weeks old phone for repair to Sony, they asked 450€ because according to their "experts" chassis was bent and main board was busted besides the obvious screen and touch being broken.
It costed less than 400€ including vat.
Out of spite I ordered a replacement screen for 55€, and it's fucking working again, thanks a lot for the offer but I still can replace an lcd myself. Screw your warranty policies, you made a phone that slips like a wet soap.
I've owned xperias all my life, Arc, U, M, Z1 besides all the dumb phones manufactured by Sony/Ericsson.
Guess I'm finding a new brand very soon.4 -
It's going to be a long rant here and probably my fist rant ! And yes I am pissed up with a community growing in dev world .
There are so called framework experts who are so good that they can spin up a nodejs server with express and mongodb .
So to the people who bash on php , who bash down MySQL for no fuckig reason other than they have heard these are not so cool.fuck yourself incompetent piece of crap!!! I can hear all day about how algorithms and datsructure are not important form these people.fuck you because if you don't know /understand /want to understand the basics of computing how the fuck can your brain be trusted with anyting serious??If you can't write down proofs of basic / standard algorithms and till bash down on people who do those please fuck you because those are the people indirectly responsible for your Job so that u can work on fancy frameworks and cool IDE's .
Instead of whining down dedicate some time to your maturity and knowledge because that what we devs are all about.we like solving problems right?.
I repeat if you are anything like stating up it career in mid 20s maybe.leave everything if you can .Forget all fucking frameworks and technologies start with basics of computing, right at instruction level using assembly .Then move to a higher language when u know and reason about what your CPU is actually doing.
If you can't do that and keep on crying and bashing down things wihout proper explanations fuck yourself with a cactus .5 -
Fuck I can't even. Remember all those rants (mine included) about how users are quite retarded and only report "omg smth wrong, help" without any explanaition or screen shot, or even worse WITH A WORTHLESS CROPPED OUT SCREENSHOT?!
USERS I GET, BUT FUCKING SENIOR DESKTOP SUPPORT GUY DOING SAME RETARDED IT DOES NOT WORK CAN U HELP THING IS MADDENNNNIINNGG
LEARN TO FUCKING READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS IN THE FUCKING ERROR DESCRIPTION, YES?
*Ahhh* 😄 -
Wasted 2 hours of my life trying to make an actionbar display white text on a dark background after migrating the legacy code from ActionBarSherlock to the supportactionbar.
And guess what? That fucking actionbar still displays black text.
What. The. Fuck.
Giving up on this for today...2 -
I ended today a meeting.
Was annoyed.
Did it bastard administrator of hell style.
I shut down the necessary staging machine for presentation after disabling the network service.
Of course the machine died unexpectedly and sadly we had to postpone this important meeting.
In reality this meeting was as important as hay rolling down a street.
I hate everything at the moment.1 -
Woke up 4am today to push my first iOS app. Took me three phucking hrs to realise apple is down! Their FUCKING dev stats website says all is green! Fuck u xcode1
-
So sick of my pessimistic, paranoid supervisor. She's always accusing everyone of being spies and has opinions on everyone.... Complains abt management and everything under the sun.... But when management comes in the room... Quiet as a mouse, because in her words ,'I don't wanna fix anything'
THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE U COMPLAINING!?!?
U clearly see nothing wrong and that's why u don't wanna change it
Fucking hate people who endlessly complain1 -
So im pretty sure I made the biggest/dumbest fuckup for the year already...
Deleting the majority of our RHEL server's root partition.
Blonde mistake for sure.
Technically i didn't actually delete it... just fucked up the block device so it's no longer recognised as existing.
I could go fishing for data and put it back together... but since i have the boot par and all the uset account configs... plus i actually documented all remarkable server updates cuz im trying to get better at the whole 'having a team' thing... im just gonna play it safe and go through it all like old school video games when you die right before the checkpoint so you need to go through the same paths again and again... but not too fast or youll fuck up somewhere easy and itll drive u nuts when u gotta reiterate again.
@jestdotty here you go. Always saying I just mention positives about myself... cant get much worse than this.10 -
I know, many devs swear on using *NIX based OSes or macOS but really... Windows 10 is very good, never had a single issue or BSOD. If u have issues regarding update reboots then just disable automatic reboots,damn! One single " fuck Windows, killed my workflow cause of updates. Installing Linux know cause I'm too dumb to change a simple setting." >_> and I can play ALL my games... NATIVE!10
-
i dont give a fuck why would you take a perfectly good domain name and shit out a fucking 80s useless website THAT DOES NOT EVEN DO ANYTHING
FUCK U
7 -
Why is learning a new language from python such a bitch? Like, w h a t t h e f u c k. Syntax can eat my ass with that semi colon no semi colon bullshit. Also fuck the compiler with it always having an error and shit. I was lowkey just trying to compile the shortest shit but cant get through s h i t. Fuck life I swear I'm gonna shoot my computer if I get another error.25
-
Someone just asked me to rewrite their application and lower the time of generating 200 000 html files from over an hour to a few minutes
.
.
Why the fuck would u need 200 thousand html files wtf is wrong with you1 -
I am so pissed. Someone i know asked me if we were hiring marketting people so I asked the COO and he said we are and asked me to refer them. I asked my friend for her CV and referred her.
I ask the COO a week later whether he contacted her and he says that they will hire a girl they had as an intern a few months ago instead.
I give no fuck to whether my friend ended up getting hired. But i at least expect to get her an interview. When u ask ur friend to refer you to their company, u expect the fact he works there will help u get a chance for an interview or even a god damn phone call at the very least. But now the COO made me look very useless infront of her, it wasnt any different than if she had applied online rather than me referring her personally.
i honestly feel disrespected having been indirectly told my position in this company doesnt even let me help people i know to get a small interview. nevermind the outcome of the interview, but me being in this company should give me the ability to get someone an interview AT LEAST. just for the sake i referred her personally as a current employee at the company... they shouldve interviewed her and forgot about her. just make it look like u cared about the fact that a current good employee referred someone and that my referral actually did something.
I feel very useless infront of my friend now and i hate that now its obvious to her my company doesnt give a shit about my referrals...6 -
*laughing maniacally*
Okidoky you lil fucker where you've been hiding...
*streaming tcpdump via SSH to other box, feeding tshark with input filters*
Finally finding a request with an ominous dissector warning about headers...
Not finding anything with silversearcher / ag in the project...
*getting even more pissed causr I've been looking for lil fucker since 2 days*
*generating possible splits of the header name, piping to silversearcher*
*I/O looks like clusterfuck*
Common, it are just dozen gigabytes of text, don't choke just because you have to suck on all the sucking projects this company owns... Don't drown now, lil bukkake princess.
*half an hour later*
Oh... Interesting. Bukkake princess survived and even spilled the tea.
Someone was trying to be overly "eager" to avoid magic numbers...
They concatenated a header name out of several const vars which stem from a static class with like... 300? 400? vars of which I can make no fucking sense at all.
Class literally looks like the most braindamaged thing one could imagine.
And yes... Coming back to the network error I'm debugging since 2 days as it is occuring at erratic intervals and noone knew of course why...
One of the devs changed the const value of one of the variables to have UTF 8 characters. For "cleaner meaning".
Sometimes I just want to electrocute people ...
The reason this didn't pop up all the time was because the test system triggered one call with the header - whenever said dev pushed changes...
And yeah. Test failures can be ignored.
Why bother? Just continue meddling in shit.
I'm glad for the dev that I'm in home office... :@
TLDR: Dev changed const value without thinking, ignoring test failures and I had the fun of debunking for 2 days a mysterious HAProxy failure due to HTTP header validation... -
Hello devRant!
Man its been a while, i havent logged in here in like 4 years.
Recently ive been getting into home-labbing, and i thought to myself
"all of these people on youtube/reddit run Plex on pre-built NASs that have awful celerons and whatnot, we can do much better!"
And by "much better" i meant a bare metal k8s cluster.
My hybris knows no bounds apparently.
Turns out this shit is quite hard.
Really gives u an appreciation of just how much stuff cloud providers magically abstract away....
My final goal is to run stableDiffusion on this thing, even know i know full-well the moment i try Nvidia will fuck me raw with some hidden enterprise subscrition :) -
Yesterday I had to register my new credit card with a national payment app (MobilePay) and it kept giving me error 32, which says "a technical error happened please try again"... Real fucking useful u peace of shit app 😠
Turns out, after a bit of research, that it will sometime crash if you language is not set to a european language. Guess what? I had mine set to English... English (US)... 😧
Like, what the fuck is that? Why would you check if a person might be from EU, be checking the language setting?
Get your shit together 😑3 -
Babel and webpack kicked my ass today. fuck you babel, and fuck u too webpack. neither one of u fucks is making my life any better at the moment. things were moving along, now my app just looks like this. something in this transpile garbage. I'm not missing '>' . it's just not transpiling correctly I think.
8 -
Windows 10 Action Center yesterday alerted me to set a PIN for my laptop.
Turned on PC this morning and typed in my regular password then realized it wanted the PIN.
Thinking how this feature came to be....
1. Windows wants you to link your login to your Microsoft/Hotmail Account and it makes it a pain in the ass to set a seperate one (Windows 8)
2. 2018 arrived an logins are a pain, everything is autologin or PIN/code based (aka short 'unsecure' passwords)
3. MS backtracks and realizes email logins are too long so they make a partial fix which basically reverts back to the pre-Win8 days of a seperate system login.. except now its called a new feature!
I realized now under enter a PIN the reason for the checkbox that says: Allow symbols and letters. It's a nice way of saying: please type in your old password again.
**Also rant #2: cuz i dont feel like waiting 1hr**
I felt great yesterday when my boss told me apparantly I have like an Expert designation at the company.
Feel like crap today cuz some user is complaining about some report:
- they asked us to create months ago
- now complaining its all wrong but never gave any formal requirements and actually did sign off on it during testing
- FIXED ASAP
HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! STOP MAKING IT SOUND LIKE IT'S MY FAULT U CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO PROVIDE CLEAR REQUIREMENTS AND THEN TAKING FOREVER TO COME BACK WITH UR PROBLEMS AND NOW NEED IT FIXED ASAP BY USING A NEW DATA SOURCE THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS SINCE U USED A RANDOM ABBREVIATION LIKE I CAN MIND READ.
IF I COULD MINDREAD, ID BE WORKING ON A PLAN TO GET UR ASS FIRED.....
Happy friday and long weekend... Got 3 days to relax before i need to deal with this shit again...2 -
just as Erik Meijer said scrum is the most stupid shit in modern development process. I worked in an organization hires ppl as full time scrum master, which is joke. each day the asks what did u finished yesterday and how long it need to finish the task assigned to u. btw the scrum masters know nothing about programming. come on man how can u finish any serious shit in one day and who cares how much shit others finished. each week just attending those freaking meetings without coding. each programmer are assigned at least 5 bosses, and what the fuck is product manager doing, it's not adding indirection can solve anything.2
-
a bet:
this birthday, i will get:
lemon glutenfree cake (if any) because mom can't have gluten and sister likes lemon cake. i hate both of those. but that's irrelevant as it always was.
if any, then gifts will be anything except cigarettes which is basically the only thing within price range they're willing to spend, that i would actually be happy about.
birthday is just an artificially glorified ordinary day. and i'm not the type to do hysterics to artificially glorify it. and it's fine. but then, why are they artificially glorifying it while unwilling to actually glorify it properly, as in, glorify it for me?
pick fucking one. artificially glorify it, in which case, FOR ME, or just don't give a fucking shit same as i don't.
but why are you artificially glorifying it for the purpose of ignoring me and glorifying everything exactly in spite of me, without even being aware that you're doing that?
like seriously, what? make your "i love not you, but my daughter" day, as an extra to her birthday. i don't give a shit, i'm happy you have a nice relationship. but doing all of the "i love my daugther day" shit on my birthday, AND PRETENDING IT WAS DONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY, FOR ME, and being sad about me being sad that all you did "for me" was in fact for yourself and for everyone else, that's the combo that gets me.
"oh why u making me so sad by being so sad that i ignored everything you like and kept telling me you like for the past X years and i just ignored it because it's not my nor your sister's preference?"
guess why, you fucktard. how about you ignore the day next time instead of making it an unconscious (that's the worst, that they don't even realize it) mockery of the day.
"oh why are you sadand shitty feeling that we made this bullshit ignorable "celebrate you" day about ignoring everything that celebrates you, and made it into the opposite instead? why are you so demanding and cruel?"
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
go have a walk with your beloved daughter and please ignore me as you always do.
just leave me the fuck alone.5 -
At that moment when u r trying to promote the code and boom.
And are you really happy to pay Microsoft for this ? Fuck sake NO 😡
11 -
FUCKING SOURCETREE!!!!!!! HOW THE FUCK DO U MANAGE TO BREAK YOURSELF MORE AND MORE...
Got a new PC so had to reinstall and apparently there's a new version, new UI/UX.... works ok... fine... :(
Now after some autoupdates the Bitbucket URL isn't recognized and I need to get a new repo....
I copy the URL (sourcetree://...) from the button but then ST complains some stupid HTTPS SSL cert error..... FUCK!!!
Tried IE, doesn't recognize the URL....
Last resort... I look at the URL itself...
hm.... points to a *.git file
Ok lets use git shell on another repo and get the remote address...
ssh://git@....
FUCK U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAD TO MANUALLY REVERSE ENGINEER AN SSH URL BECAUSE U CANT WORK WITH URSELF...9 -
Stupid fuck shit. I am living in a tiny apartment right now but have a better paying job to afford a better apartment where my fucking workspace is not in my tiny bedroom. I really need and wish for a dedicated workspace now because office is pandemicwise closed since a year, but guess what my hometown is having a housing boom and constant influx of rich young professionals or newly weds with lots of cash from them or their parenrs/family. And everybody is buyigh up apartments like crazy. If u want to have a good apartment now u already need to settle for life with a high mortgage or pay half of your salary away for rent. Unfortunately the pay does not accomodate for that but is on the level of 10years ago. Aaand as a single iam fucked royally from taxes and everybody else. Fyi: hometown berlin and Hamburg germany.5
-
!rant
So I have bought a new laptop and this time instead of straight up booting linux I had an idea of giving micro$oft a try, so I have decided to use only their services for 2 weeks.
To be honest, I really did not expect windows to use do much cpu and hdd during updates and background tasks, but after a day it was ok and windows feels snappier than during my last encounrer (maybe cause the new hw?).
I was even so dedicated that I started to use cortana and I have to tell, that she is dumb as fuck, since she fails to understand even the basic tasks and if u want something advanced, she refers to the next update. But boy, tell her to open Visual Studio and she asks if you want VS Code or Visual Studio, which seems great. But my response was 'Code' then she insisted that I said Coke. Im like OK, Im not native english speaker, lets try Visual Studio Code, where she told me that there is no such thing and Spelling VS - Code ended me in bing search for Unesco :/
I really want to like Cortana, she has nice name, nice history, but she is like that A girl from class, who looks gorgeous, has great voice, but then u reallise that she just eats a book before exam and after that she is that dumb basic hoe.
I also gave a shot to Bing and Edge. Bing is something between Google and DuckDuckGo, since it gives you a liiitle less results from search history, yet if you want to find something in different language its even possible to tell you that what are you trying to find does not exist.
But I have to tell, that I like Edge and I mean it. Like... Its fast and has some good features, like pushing all your open tavs away, so you can open them Later. It also does not have that stupid ass feature that lets you control tab from left to right, not by chronological order, so you wont end up in infinity loop of 2 tabs. And even if people make fun of M$ trying to convince you to use Edge by being too aggresive. God go on edge and try to use some Google Service(You still dont use chrome?!).
I also tried to play with .Net core and I have to tell that against java they are a bit further. I liked some small features, but what I just simply loved was rhe fucking documentation. You basically dont need google, sincw they give you examples and explain in a human way.
What I didnt quite get was the 'big' Visual Studio. Tje dark theme to me feels strange(personal and irrelevant). Why the hell I do need to press 2 shortcuts to duplicate line?! Why is it so hard to find a plugin to give me back my coloured brackets and why the fuck it takes like a second to Cut one line of code on a damn i7?!
Visual studio Code was something different. It shows how dark theme should be done, the plugin market is full of stuff and the damn shortcuts are not made for octopi. So I have to recommend it ^^.
I even gave a shot to word and office as a whole and fuck I never knew that there are so many templates. It really made my life easier, since all you need to do is find the right one in the app, instead of browsing templates online, where half of them are for another version of your text editor.
Android Launcher was fast, had a clever widget of notes and the sync was pretty handy to be honest so I liked that one as well.
What made me furious was using the CLI. Godfucking damn what the fuck is ipconfig?! :/
Last thing what made me superbhappy was using stuff without wine and all of the addional shit. Especially using stuff like Afinity Designer and having good looking apps in general. I mean Open source has great tools l sometimes with better functionality. But I found out, that what is pleasure to look at, is pleasure to work with.
To Summarize a bit.
It wasnt that bad as I expected. I see where they are heading with building yet another ecosystem of It just works and that they are aiming at professionals once again.
So I would rate it 6/10, would be 7 if that shit was Posix compatible.
I know that for Balmer is a special place in hell... But with that new CEO, Microsoft at the end may make it to purgatory..5 -
Any other language: Hey fuckface, you can't name this variable by a single letter, tf is wrong with you? use some descriptive shit.
Golang: lmao fuck u
I really find it interesting how we use short variable names for items in golang. Kinda makes sense when you think of it. Most of these items come up in short methods for which the mental model lets you know and remember what you are doing, they even make sense when going through the std lib in which that shit is all over the place. YET years of going by other languages has made me squint my eyes a bit in frustration every time I see it.
Say for example that a function is implementing io.Writer. What would you call the method parameter? you could argue that writer would be sensible since it has it in the signature, but what about when the io.Writer in itself is a file or a socket or whatever? writer would be funny or strange? nah fuck it just w, it makes sense, but x wouldn't. I find these points to make sense even if i don't like them.
Would, now, this practice be acceptable in C? you are supposed to write the same modular code with C in which you compose large functionality in separated units of code, yet I am sure this practice of single name variables is something that C engineers dislike greatly.
Are go devs just doing this out of blind love for their preference in languages? and how would this work if mfkers add generics to go(I hope not, Go is simple enough to understand in order to extend functionality through the empty interface, but that is a preference of mine as well)
The more I use Go the more I like it to be honest, I think the code looks ugly syntactically, but that is subjective as all hell and based on my constant preference for a language to look like Ruby, which even though it might not be everyone's cup of tea it remains to my eyes as the most beautiful language in existence, again, an obvious personal preference.18 -
bruuuuuuuuuh I got an email asking for tech LatinX people to join for a talk on our problems facing x shit in tech.
As a Mexican American (I am more American than Mexican, but whatever) and your standard gun tootin Texan: fuck you, do not call me LatinX
I know both English and Spanish (and other languages that won't disclose here because fk u) well and believe that adding such buuuuuuuullshit to my beautiful Spanish is utter nonsense.
I sent it to the network admin and ask him to block them fuckers from ever sending emails my way ever again as spam.
LatinX....what a fucking joke10 -
How do you make up new cool features for your platform?
well you don't because UX and PM think it best to look at competitors and implement whatever shit they come up with.
once, someone came up with a cool feature and some basic prototype for it and they ignored it. the competitor thought of it years later and did it. when they did it, suddenly its a priority at our company to do it as well.
sure, why be the first to do the feature. im sure being unique and creative is overrated not like our profit comes from user subscriptions.
Some recent PM decisions similar to the one above are driving me crazy, its not like u dont know what to do we literally have a ton of ideas so stop ignoring them and prioritizing being a knock off app of someone else. FUCK YOU. -
I want to paint...again...
My head - how the fuck u gonna paint with a full time job and a full time baby and full time housework.
Me - I don’t know how but I’ll do whatever the fuck I want.
Hunted out my paint box and brushes and kept em on table.....
Mini canvases...gonna start small, can’t handle big one for now...
Let’s seeeeeee4 -
Hey, up for a challenge?
Upgrade to iOS 12 beta 2,
When all of your apps fail to open and u can only use apple safari, notes & other apple apps, start regretting the decision and downgrade your phone to iOS 11.4 when your phone starts up in data recovery mode and fails to recover data and then u need to send mom a sms of that picture of your family and explain the reason for why all of your data got deleted send me a picture so I can see how I did😤...
I deleted my jailbreak for this shit?!
(I understand it's a beta, but cmon on beta 1 haw of my apps didin't work, and on beta 2 I needed to restart my phone for 6 times before apps might start working and u need to wait 2 weeks before another beta releases, fuck off appl. With this beta shit, I guarantee there were thousends of users with same issue fix tht.)
2 -
Omfgggggggggggggggggggg
Fuck you typescript.
A whole day wasted working on react native pull to refresh bug, wondering why the fucking hell shit doesn't even appear when u try to pull. And so many other weird shit like touchable opacity not showing up.
Guess what was the problem? Fucking typescript importing shit from react-native-gesture-handler.
Btw I live and breathe typescript. I appreciate typescript everyday but for today fuck you typescript.3 -
remote team bonding/social activities like playing pictionary or whatever
can we not? maybe its cute the first time, but we're all awkward and i just wanna go home
i dont even understand where this is coming from, if u actually want to make people happy u could just send them home earlier
otherwise why have this stuff instead of just making us wageslaves work like normal anyway
is this another thing like how the hiring budget is bigger than the retention budget or is there different MBA research for why the fuck this is a thing to begin with2 -
apple you piece of shit just let me have xcode i dont want to make a stupid fucking account, so can you fuck off?
and why do you HAVE to have billing address information to create a fuckign account or am i a retard who cant figure out how to make a fuckign account without providing it because your UI is not retard proof enough
fuck u3 -
K.
1. Uni wants me to use Java.
2. I don't like Java, because everything that I am used to, is different.
3. I look up easy things online on shitty websites...
4. C'm on journaldev... Where 's da cookiebanner?
4 -
I HATE it when client does not know what he wants. Removed a functionality only to be added back again with all the ripples going through the code¡¡¡¡¡
ARGH¡¡¡¡¡¡ FUCK ME
Where's my exclamation mark u shitty SwiftKey keyboard¿¿¿¿1 -
when you work on a bug about fixing mistakes made on a story completed by somebody else
you then get approached with having to do petty unrelated UX stuff in the neighbouring area and the administrative nonsense with it
fuck u jira2 -
For fucks sake you mfugging frigging fucktards, whatever you did to your brain undo it before coming to work.
I'm not allowed to smash your head repeatedly in the desk but believe me I'll find a way to do so legally.
And if u show up smashed and trashed in a discussion just shut the fuck up you idiotic moron
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Why do people even go to work when it's seemingly just to terrorize other people?6 -
As usual before sleeping i set a timer for shutdown cuz i use my hotspot to surf devrant in bed before sleeping.
My roommate( lets call him AB) sees me writing the command.
AB: what are you doing?
Me: setting a timer to shutdown my computer.
AB: oh nice i want that too... is it just a linux thing?
Me: nope u can do it on windows.. just search the cmd command on google and u are good to go.
AB: you do it. You search.
Me: huh? Why would i do that? Bitch it is simple just google "cmd command shutdown timer" and open the first result.
AB: *extremely dissapointed face and starts searching* i dont understand anything.
Me: AB! The instructions literally explain everything! I can see!!
AB: you are good at computers, u are a computer engineer (im just a second year student)
Me: fuck off *i go to sleep*
Next day i learned that he did it after i left him, and that it did shutdown but he wasnt done with his work and he was too lazy to google how to cancel it.... JUST GOOGLE DAMMIT!!! -
Im ok with working for your startup for 2 years for peanuts. Im ok filling in 5 other types of jobs on the way while u still fucking micromanage everything, rendering all designers useless and making them leave after a few months. Im ok telling u its ok when u say u know how hard it is to keep going cause im such a positive team player. Im ok buying my own computer cause u r too cheap to buy a device that can run fucking Safari. Im ok working day and night for years carrying your company on a promise that when u sell i wont be forgotten. Im even ok with new people making way more than me from the new investment for which i worked my ass off for years, almost burning myself out. But if you sell the company for big money and get rich without even telling me, I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
p.s. true story, second employee, got taken advantage of heavily. still working there acting like im not in the know, waiting for next move.4 -
Do u ever had the feeling that you're just too tired to do anything? Well I just had a full week of just doing nothing.. fuck this1
-
I fucking hate it when the manager comes up with an idea in his head. For him, the idea is the coolest because he itrated over it many times, but you shit fuck the idea needs to run when you transform it into code. Did u think about it?!
No, whatever it is, developers will figure out a way. Fuck off!!2 -
Context: ive been porting a single threaded D.A.G scheduler into a lockless multithreaded one. Point is its an objectively complicated project where theres lots of overlap in the code and architectural boundaries are very fuzzy.
My boss: "Can you just make new branches for every 'large' change youve done. Its too hard to merge this one giant branch youve got"
Me: "Fuck bro, but this is 2 months worth of significant refactoring where the commits are not atomic and you told me way back then that it was cool to work in my own repo. Now ive got to go redo half my work"
Boss: "Well yea but isnt it so much better to work with clearly seperated histories"
Me: "yea its great if you tell me thats the workflow you want upfront. This is gonna suck but ill but my balls and dive into this pit of lava if u say." -
I have a lot to say..
In my project theres a design department, since the beginning of the project they didn't want to be part of the scrum methodology..(they used to work waterfall..)
So.. they have a disorder on the user history needs, and they argue for every request that we need to finish the history..
They dont go to the plannings, dailys.. they dont know shiet!
And meanwhile telling u this rant im getting mad as fuck..
so at this point i cant even explain how FUCKING UPSET I AM & WHY THE FUCK people reject the change and decides to work by their own! fuck this!
anyways ill share 2 storys ( i have a lot..)
1. "Raise your hand if you dont know whats a button?"
So we created a standard button to be re used it in other forms..
The designer came late to the planning, and decided to change the button layout (again x4) & it's behavior, so he wanted "the button disabled, but not disabled", since he wasnt able to explain it as well, he got upset.. and said that we didn't know about how a button works & asked the public to raise up the hand who didnt know what is a button.. and we were like :
dude are u fucking serius?.. u cant even explain what the fuck u want, u came late, and know u act like if you teach about ux & design? fucking rockstars..
2. "why do you call me to the planning if you don't need anything from me?"
We ask and required the designer to be in the plannings to avoid the disorder and the delivery delays..
that day we didn't require anything from the designer, so he started complaining that we called him for no reason..
me : dude, d u even realize why is this meeting called planning? -
Fuck this.. I have to tell you this annoying wtf..
Hi btw this is my first rant so pls dont blame me :)
I am working on an etl project for our company to connect data sources like netbase, similar web, etc. to alooma (a data pipeline).
Now I got the task to add another data source called BrightEdge to it.
All fine.
BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.. IT TAKES 3 MONTH TO GET AN ACCOUNT. AND U KNOW WHAT.. I DIDNT EVEN GET THE API CREDENTIALS. THIS IS MY FINAL PROJECT FOR MY TRAINING TO BECOME AN IT SPECIALIST.3 -
“OhhHhh please fill out an entire fucking excel sheet for our test environment deployment. It helps us manage everything better and gives us a reason to fucking thumb around in our holes all day and pretend like we really mean something as managers.” Like absolutely no, you can go fuck yourself with a condom filled with broken glass shards and diseases is what YOU can do. You are a parasite.
“Senior lead developer” - but they don’t have a title - says: “please just give me the list of files I need to manually change on the env in real time”. Bitch, do you even know what CI/CD is?!?!? The fact that you have been doing this for a year straight makes me pity how much of a fucking dumbass you really are. Even if u don’t use a pipeline, just look at my fucking git changes. That’s literally why we have it. You are a fucking disgrace of a developer and I hope you know that everyone who is a competent dev would rather bathe in a bath filled with lemon juice and cactus spikes, before EVER working with YOU EVER AGAIN!!!1 -
All u need is C folks seriously fuck the OOP concept you waste more time in a paradigm dilemmas than writing functional code. And that’s a damn fact.
I feel sorry for the mobile developers that are stuck using the OOP methodology6 -
After 3 hours I found why Visual Studio didn’t run on my MacBook but works on my Main Mac, Macbook is running beta and caused a bug! Fuck u Apple! Spent half a day on this!
-
tl;dr: why is it so hard to build a pc?😒
why is it so damn hard to find the right pc components for developing/image editing/gaming/...?😟
i've been googling around and watched many youtube videos on what components to buy/what to watch out for/tips/problems/etc...
i want to build a decent pc for web, mail, office, developing, running linux as VM (for experiments), edit images, doing most in multitasking (and maybe also play some games) ... basically everything, but i can't wrap my head around what to choose😟
every time when i think (for example) "ok, ryzen 5 2400G, that must be it!' there's always smth negative about it, come on!!🙄😤
i wanted to make an AMD setup for 1000€ max
i feel like as a developer/"kinda it guy" i know what i need, then again i feel dumb as fuck, not knowing what to choose and i'm almost certain i will pick smth wrong😪
do u guys have any suggestions for me/any help?21 -
Sometimes I think that getting a degree was the biggest mistake I have ever done.
When professor wants to know why you did the work the way you did and you disagree as polite as you can, he calls you Arogant.. Like what the fuck, if you ask me 4 times why I did not expand the assigned task and I 4 times repeat that I want that shit as abstract as I can get. I already have it 5 times bigger as others god damnit, If you want me to focus on details, ask me to bring a tent..
A little bit of time later another professor assigns you a "Social network for schools"... Like wtf? U want facebook clone for free and in 4 weeks... What is this bullshit? You have mistaken uni for freelancer..
Because fuck you sideways... How dare you to have another classes?
Note for self... Next time open up a hotdog stand..1 -
!dev
Hello there..
I always wanted to have my first post here be something that pisses the sh!t out of me.
tl;dr: Memes are for braindeads and kids are fucktards
Backstory:
So basicaly I am now having a summerjob before my next semester starts so I can make some cash to buy some overpriced stuff I dont probably need. I work at a factory, 3 shift work and today we had Night shift, so there was me and a bunch of Arab guys, kicking our asses by pure boredom and desperacy.
Act One:
I was bored, opened my phone and decided entertain myself by some funny sh!t I can find on Mark Sugarhills webpage. I was just passing by some random a bit funny stuff and then I found some random ass meme, which doesnt give a single, even distant sence to me.. So since my german is as good as my coding skills (read: complete shit) I couldnt ask for opinion of my fellow coworkers and since its fuck1ng 4am theres noone to ask on messenger or whatever. So I did it... I asked in a goddamn comments, what the fck is that supposed to mean and Aw dear Lawd... I did a mistake.
Act 2:
Like 4 seconds after my question I had a response and I was like 0.o It has to be some Alice of Facebook so I guess someone cool. Oh boy I was never so wrong. The answer... the... FUCKING answer was.... "normie."
What the actual fuck?
Like man statisticaly speaking, there is 200,000 people on this wannabe funny site and since everyone is apparently laughing their asses off, I am the motherfucking original snowflake.
But I wanted to play it cool... was like Uhm sorry, I really tried but cant figure it out.
His fuck-me-sideways-with-rusty-crowbar answer was:
a) The joke is hidden in some random thing we created yesterday and decided to call it a culture
b) "u dumb"
Act 3:
I hope that most of you finally guessed it! Its the second fucking answer and oh sweet mother of pain, please find him, BUT thats where I flipped and fucking lost it.
The fucking nerve to speak to me like that u dissrespectful piece of shit. Go watch some Twitch, while I SSH into ur ass and hit u harder than ur mom her forehead everynight when she realises that she could have swallow you dickhead.
Afterthoughts:
I was always worries that my child would like to be a Rapper, or Youtuber...
But today Im adding being some dumb ass meme creator.8 -
When the IDE doesn't show a scrollbar so you need to know/see to stretch it to find the settings you need.
fml
fuck u jetbrains1 -
Fuck, there‘s this cool tool react-admin. I want to use it as generic CRUD UI for my framework. Basics work already.
But fuck it this fucking react crap a PITA. Who for fuck‘s sake invented that shit? Damn facebook crackheads ..
JSX ... the worst idea ever.
I worked with vue before and then .. easy, just awesome.
But this crap is utterly unproductive, way too complex, ugly syntax, needs an unholy shit if dependencies, let alone the build system ...
Fuck u react fuck u ...3 -
Dude how the hell are u even staying at home, I have been home for like a week now and IDK what to do, im bored as fuck.
Umm okay try writing my code in prolog, u would wish the inverse.6 -
Hello all (App devs) I have finalized all APIs and here is the postman collection for you. I have been working on the chat page so excuse me for my delay but I finished all the system all that is remaining is the chat. I will be working on it tonight.
Please let me know if there is anything wrong.
Dev 1: thank you will see then asap.
Dev 2: why do u want to make me lost we said u deliver the chat first and then we move forward with the app.
Me: well I had some difficulties with the chat so I finalized all else and u can fix those while I fix the chat
Dev 2: no this is not what we agreed on. This is propostrous. I will not do anything anymore. I need the chat to finale x y and z.
Me: dude the chat has nothing to do with x y and z u can finalize those and then fix the chat!
Dev 2: no I don't understand this is not right.
Me: dude I built the backend I know what u need for x y z. Anyway why all the blame and the destructive approach?
Dev 2 don't think we r kids we r not kids .. (bullshit talk)...
This is the scenario that happens Everytime a pussy of a Dev is late and is ignorant of their job and all about blame it on the weakest point.
Therefore guess what's drafted ?!
MY RESIGNATION PAPER!1 -
Try to upload ipa archive to iTunes. Service is interrupted. Again. Fuck you apple! I was trying to upload that fuck for six damn u punk ass times. Why apple? Fuck you! I'll put the archive on a stick an ram it right into your ass you shitty fuck! JUST TAKE MY BINARY RIGHT NOW!
Don't take it to serious. I'm okay 😎 -
I’m having this issue for the online marketplace I’m working on the side. It’s blockchain tech where you can purchase normal goods and services(no, not like Amazon or Fiverr, eww, this one’s more inclined with promoting organic growth for small businesses and freelancers).
I’m stuck with what solution is in the best interest of the user and the business for the long-term.
The dilemma about anonymity, online freedom and privacy is yes, it protects users from predators and attackers, but then, it’s harder for authorities to hunt down people who uses platforms for malicious intent, and also, digital footprint is helpful during litigation as evidence.
You don’t know who to trust.
-There is nothing to differentiate normal users with spammers, scammers, etc.
-There is no accountability for if they break the rules. They can easily delete and create a new account.
Platforms, communities big or small are plagued with these.
There are a lot of people out there who would rather project their insecurities on other people than to seek therapy.
Also, how platforms uses psychology tricks to make platforms addicting, it’s safe to assume that it’s bound to get toxic. Fixation on these platforms, leads to other needs being neglected or people forget to stay present.
Another thing, automated moderation is not that effective as there are still biases in data and human verification is still required. But then, human moderators get exposed to extreme violence, gore, etc that leads to poor mental health. (see Facebook got sued by moderators)
Also, I’ve had a recent experience where some unstable dev was stalking and harassing me. During that turmoil, I’ve found the many loopholes in every platform out there and how crappy their support is. Like they’ll just say, “make your account more secure”, bitch it’s your platform not providing enough security, your blocking feature means nothing coz anyone can still create accounts and message anyone.
It happened like February-August (it ended coz I quit going online and made private all my accounts). UGH I MISS ALL MY FRIENDS THO. FUCK THAT DUDE. He deserves to be in jail TBH
Lol if this product booms, now u know the back story lololol -
EPiServer Forms is probably the worst fucking thing to ever exist in terms of Nuget packages. I would rather shove an entire daikon radish up my asshole than trying to debug the stupid fucking mystery that code is. Wanna tie into the JavaScript events to handle payment validation? Go fuck yourself - u can’t use any external functionality.1
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Been debugging a sp in oracle from 2 days a fucking sp of 2000 lines to see why it was not not giving desirable result. Turns out a fucking variable had a null value which was always satisfying the greater than condition an fucking up the flow. The fucking sp is being used since ages and nobody fucking noticed i mean what the actual fuck. And also the fucking indentation of the code how the fuck are u supposed to know which if ends where i mean come on put some fucking comments to your fucking code if u are gonna make it like it is gonna be the ultimate fucking sp which is being used god only know how many places.
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<rant>
FFS
Windows is the worst garbage ever...
First I get a virus becouse the antivirus didn't fucking work, then I try and do a system reset WICH FAILS, them u have to get into the uefi and do a system reset back to Windows 8, Windows 8..
So I go to the windows insider program and download the media creator thing and
.
.
IT DOESN'T WORK
It just stops at "searching for updates"and now I'm stuck with Windows 8
I can't even get the Nvidia drivers so i can't play games anymore
A big fuck you to Microsoft and merry Christmas
Btw any fixes? Thank you
</rant>9 -
rant === true
I despise university. Since I went there, I have stopped learning exciting and new technologies. Instead, I do mips, lisp and Java.
I mean I wouldn't mind java, but it's boring repetitive crap. Making stupid simulations - all the fucking time.
I can not be bothered to learn this shit anymore. It's not worth 9k a year.
I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I can not physically do this anymore.
Edit:
Also, I hate this industry. All they want is a cs degree u til you have 2 years experience and then fuck it. It's a 50 k passport... wtf.3 -
Windows is such a piece of shit. A couple of months ago I ordered a PC with Windows as an OS (cuz u know games and stuff). Lately it's just throwing random BSODs everytime with a new error message. This is happening not constantly but in a random behaviour. Nevermind ... But now since I switched one of my monitors to a vertical position instead of the traditional horizontal one, Windows just won't want to recognize this monitor. You know what... FUCK WINDOWS! FUCK THIS GAMES! LINUX all the way.3
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Pfff come on
Its like u wanted them to update and manage ms paint
From xp onwards to win 10 i hav never seen a difference to ms paint
So those who rant about "rip ms paint" can go fuck themselves2 -
I had a problem visualizing giant job/schedule dependencies trees a few years ago and basically wrote a program to convert the dependencies so it could be read in by a JS graph program that actually did the work. The output was a Gantt chart but really messed up, overlapping arrows, not very readable.
Today someone asked me for my app and but in a better format/visualization.
I so I was thinking how do I do this... Figure out which nodes are leaves, how to combine visually.
Programmatically you just link all the Nodes together. So I was thinking like how u need to use BFS and Mark when each more is traverse and on its first traversal, add it to a Map<Depth,List<Node>> then print each level, etc.
But not so straight forward.... But finally realized that I'm not trying to draw a Tree (or a tree where the rootams are actually in the middle and the top n bottom are leaves)... But actually a Graph.... A DAG....
SO FINALLY I googled and found GraphViz...
https://graphviz.gitlab.io/gallery/
And in the gallery I opened some pictures and printed at the bottom was like 1996...
And I'm now wondering "how the fuck did they do this?" Calculate where all the vertices should be placed so they can be linked with lines and and not look like a big mess...I guess like a yarnball
3 -
It took me 48 hours ( not continuously) to fix a bug by going through a cluster fuck code of multiple modules. Tracing the error through 5 or 6 layers. And u dont get error logs right away. You need to recreate that error and see the logs on a kubernetes pod. Just to find out the bug was a duplicate.
Yes jokes are on me. I fucked up by not checking for duplicate. I steered right away on that shit dipped bug like a hungry/zombie hound. Fuck me. -
Fuck those who hate on Mac os and say that they aren't customizable and cost money for everything. Like some days ago I saw this post about how Mac users need money for like getting simple shit done. Tbh most of the ppl haven't even used Mac for dev stuff. And after using Linux I would say MAC IS AS GOOD AS LINUX. (if u use Mac ports or brew as a package manager) and u can even run Linux apps in there without almost any hassle.9
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PHP is so much pain to configure when it comes to create an api service. Node is a much better way to go
FUCK u php and fuck XAMPP11 -
We've reached a point where every fucking thing is made so gosh darn easy... It's impossible to do something else with said thing.
Vue.js in typescript which will be translated with webpack for web?
How about fuck u?2 -
How the fuck would u be so fucking stupid enough to create a site with EPiServer/Optimizely and it’s piece of shit organization, community, developers, etc… is this some sort of fresh hell I have been banished to? Why am I cursed with working with this horrible, slimy, awful platform. It’s giving me an aneurysm just fucking thinking about how shitty this ecosystem is setup. Someone needs to burn it. Burn it all to the fucking ground, I have had enough and it is a stain on our society.
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Ok. I GIVE UP! ...for at least a couple hours...
I'm not a big believer in... well anything suitable to the literal definition of believe. But there's only so much 'wtf? How is this even possible?' and any answer u can come up with is nearly statistically impossible...
I am a neuro-atypical (and just extremely atypical even if i somehkw was neurotypical) being, based on logic, finely calculated statistical probability and the most raw data and as unbiased as realistically possible, algorithms and interpretation (usually recursive pattern recognition with several highly detailed historical sources.
...but at some point statistical improbability and a collation of separate, yet relatively closely occuring events/circumstances makes logic, itself a primary suspect of corruption.
What was the breaking point that caused me to (temporarily) give up and tell logic to f off for a bit cuz maybe the illogical and mythical is the real logic, leaving me in a losing battle with 'the' fates?
Trying to get all my sourcing/purchase orders in/paid for/on the literal boats b4 end of the workday/week in china...
1st, had to drop a supplier cuz they have limited reps. When the one ive had 7+ years left, i got the aloof blonde girl societal trope of a rep... who for the 2nd time (despite the several very blunt complaints above her, incl me) she sent out a promotional update to the entire client list (ie, inherently competitors) as CC not BCC... over 200 business email accounts with tailored info of their sourcing.
2- totally diff company/ industry a former rep i was glad be rid of apparently just sfarted back for "awhile" as i needrf to restock/scale...apparently she forgot everything we discussed at length... lke if you want a chance on my business im not gonna be wasting time looking through your gui "mini store to then inquire about everything individually insead of a simple spreadsheet(which i print and put in a 3-ring binder rotating current catalogues in the same format i require everywhere)
3.dog was an ahole, my packed schedule got delayed and morphed.. a bunch of little bs thatd normally have no extra thought impact, hyperfocused forgetting one of my alarms til i realised my idiopathic fever was back and i didnt take/apply meds (pain/muscle relaxers mainly so despite this odd free time and needing to shower. I gotta sit on my rear, leg elevated/non-productive far 40min b4 i can shower (as functional legs and lack of syncope is almost a req to shower)
4. A new-ish rep of a company/factory i like/respect enough to not mention in relation... he makes invoice 1.. slight error thst was easily resolved...#2 was flawless... he goes to officially generate the contract(alibaba... verrrry simple with lots of extra explanation buttons). Price and all items match, its near workweek end so i was waiting for it so i could quickly pay/have it on the boat b4 it left and few fdav days are behind...
I put in card info, get to the 2 cbeck boxes (imo should be only 1 but whatever) asking if billing address is same ss delivery(its always default yes)... then i see a few lines in chinese (i can read enough for business negotiations... typical words/sentences innately look different than things like individual letters/address and postal indicators.) After a few loops of double checking, mentally trying to dismiss my i Intial judgement cuz it'd be too ridiculous... even resorted to google .... nope... initial wtf was spot on... recipient name/address was indeed the company(multi factory producer)i was purchasing a wholesale, via sea freight, bulk of products from.
Im pretty sure the system would've flagged it as an invalid contract within an hr... but seriously... ive been handling alibaba (and other) international sourcing since before high school(mainly small businesses i made sites/little tools for that found anything with a light up screen intimidating) and a purchase then shipment to the originating company/factory actually entered into a contract(the form is sooo simple)... im faced with ridiculously improbable obstacles actually existing and changing in such nonsensical statistically improbable ways so often that 1. I wouldn't trust a dr (or most humans) that didnt 1st assume i was crazy of some form...unfortunately im not, despite hkw much simpler and probable itd be 2. Id be super suspicious/converned if statistic norms were my norm for over a day.
But seriously wtf???
Someone give me some wisps of a frame of ref here... where's a typical 'fuck this, im out!' Breaking point?1 -
Absolutely hate it when managers give an estimate for an hour tasks to be completed in 7 days.. why can't they just accept they are shit and ask for the effort estimation from the concerned dev.. all the AGILity goes in an awry..2
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Fuck javascript, been on this firestore cloud function since yesterday , i have been get some stupid errors like expected catch or return promise/catch or return , used some stackoverflow answers still not working. Uugggh really wished cloud firestore used a better language like python,..what more do u expect from a language created in 7 days..shitty js
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My misses said she was to young for me as I occasionally drop I'm a bit of Brb, brt wtf etc.. into my messages (I don't like lol), and thus she responds with this:
"U need someone who knows what the fuck those silly little letters mean! "
My messages are childish, eh dear?1 -
And here it comes bois, the famous Monday Morning Mumbling is back, for everyone's pleasure.
Do you remember your uni years, when you had wonderful coding lessons, and you learned sick languages ?
I do aswell, since I'm still in uni.
But why, WHY, IN ALL OF GOD THOUGHTS, DO I STILL HAVE TO TAKE MATHS LESSONS ?
It's my fourth fucking uni year, and I'm still supposed to deal with math lessons which are about what I learned 6 years ago. And guess what ? I still failed the test since I fucking don't understand a single shit in maths.
"Uuuuh if yu wan tu derivate a function u hav to multiply ur derivated function basic expression with the derivate itself lul xDDD so funi"
FUCK OFF DUDES I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE SICK BIRD SHIT ABOUT MATHS. I WASTED THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE LEARNING ABOUT BINARY TREES, MATHEMATICALS WAYS OF SPILLING YOUR CEREAL BOWL WHEN YOU HAVE TO LEAVE IN FIVE MINUTES, NUMERIC WAY OF OPTIMIZE YOUR SINK SPACE WHEN YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO DO THE DISHES, JUST LET ME FUCKING WRITE CODE INSTEAD OF ANNOYING ME WITH UNEXPLAINABLE MATHS SHIT NOW !
I know maths are important, okay ? But I'm so fucking tired of learning this shit again and again and still failing those shitty tests where they only give you maths problems without any other goal than messing with your grades.
Fuck this shit I'm pissed off on so many levels, I wasted tons of money on a private school to enhance my résumé history, and now I'm stuck with some strange "f'(x)" boi that will ruin my year.
RT's appreciated, if you recognised yourself in this story, don't forget to send some biscuits to my postal address.
TL;DR : Why wasting your time on theoritical lessons when you could use your time to learn new dynamic technos, like C++98 ?2 -
I started with cakephp 2. I did a TON of projects with it and made my own reusable plugins for future projects and everything was nice and smooth.
then cakephp 3 came out with breaking changes and was not backwards compatible. I learned the new rewritten ORM and tried to do a project with it along with plugins.
then cakephp 4 came out with breaking changes and was not backwards compatible...
ok... look i dont claim to know more than the people writing frameworks but u want people to use ur framework u cant fuck them up in every major release and render their old projects unupgradable... fuck you im switching to laravel this was the last straw3 -
Silicon Valley. Imaging you burst ur balls to build your company. Burst ur mother fucking balls, and clits, to be big, best algo rhythm etc then the fucking board tells u ur fired???? Believe me, my company will have no mother fucking board members. Fuck. That!2
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!Rant
Hey there devs check out my T-Shirt design on
https://redbubble.com/people/...
It's my first design too. So how's it3 -
Fuck treehouse ads , six week , what the hell dudes are u fu##$%% teaching HTML modayakers , just be honest not everyone is cutout to this field dumies
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fuck this shit.
fuck the pile of arcane shit that is ARCore.
fuck the fucking pile of overcomplicated shit that is mapbox.
fuck the idiotic frankensteiny steaming pile of shit that is "arcore+mapbox lifesized maps unity project" or how is it called.
fuck this retarded scammy culture when a company is doing meetups with investors before even having a working prototype.
fuck this stupid fucking culture where there's no time for some actual, sensible, creative work, just grab these two repos from github and ducktape them together and we'll call that our demo which we will present to inverstors.
fuck every fucking molecule of this fucking world.
i just wanted to be creative. to CREATE stuff. CREATE, not pile up dumb half-baked nonprojects made by someone else on top of each other until the smell is too strong for anyone to see if it's actually reasonable or not.
i wanted to create stuff. make games. design and make them. actual interesting ones which have actual value (because fuck the retarded gaming industry who's imagination doesn't go beyond "u a dude who does pew pew to other dudes", but that's a different rant).
fuck this disgusting, retarded, idiotic, boring, lonely, cold, lobotomizedly stupid world where the only way to succeed is a shitty pile of shit scammy scum.
fuck me for not being able to learn how to be scammy scum, so I could be successful too. -
Google chrome front page has been giving me streams with a lot of Masked Singer and Beatles.
I finally bother trying to unlike then but clicking Bot Interested... Except it's like Not interested in {random crap that barely has anything to do with these 2 things}
And so I'm like wtf...r u screwing with me... If you were seriously using these for my preferences... How the fuck am I'm getting do they magically converge two these 2 specific subjects... -
Fuck powershell.
How in the world can one lang have so much problems with date conversion, and chars like üöä. Its so funny how they get through just fine sometime when u specify encoding utf8 but other times it has no ides wha5 these chars are.
Honestly fuck powershell
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