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"The difference between SSDs and HDDs is that HDDs store data on spinning CDs inside the drive"
-- a 3rd year CS student
Spinning CDs?? CDs?!?!?24 -
I just ask an intern to comment a Java class I send him (for practice). He asked what should he use to open the file, because, he said, "Word, messes it up"
Seriously, what are they teaching at schools?26 -
Part of my job involves speaking with users on the phone and I really don’t mind it except for THESE PEOPLE:
Me: Hi! XYZ Co. this is Tawzer!
Them: Hi Tawzer this is blah blah I need help with the website I just can’t figure it out!
Me: Okay! Let me ju-
Them: Yeah you know I’ve been struggling for hours with it I really don’t have time for this.
Me: Oh I imagine! What’s your-
Them: Well I was gonna try and get everything done today by 3 but with all of this tech stuff going wrong I just don’t know...
Me: That sounds frustrating, can i get your-
Them: Is this going to take long??
Me: Nope! I just need to know your-
Them: like I said I just really don’t have time for this!
Me: ........ What’s your-
Them: well I-
Me: WHAT’S YOUR USERNAME
Them: Uh I don’t know can you look me up? I didn’t know I’d need that.
Me: 👩🏻💻10 -
Just had a Mac user in a Linux chat. Guy was trying to setup MySQL, yada yada yada... Turns out that the guy didn't know what a PATH is.
Let that sink in for a moment. A developer, with a hipster MacBook that probably cost him several grand.. but doesn't know what a PATH is.
Please kill me. 🙂🔫41 -
*on the phone with a client*
Important detail: in Dutch we call a colon a "double point" and a semicolon a "point comma".
Me: go to {url} and put double point followed by {something} behind it.
Client: *tries for 5 minutes, suggestions forth and back*
Me: how did you type the double points?
Client: I typed two points. (..)
The level of retardness I thought existed got worse once again.
At that moment the open window seemed like a veeery good option 😭15 -
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
What is the point in separating us into backend/frontend developers if everyone has to learn/do everything?
And now this FUCKING DUMBASS that is leaving!!! The company convinced my FUCKING STUPID boss to start using react with nodejs on the new platforms ...
Did anyone think about talking to the fucking devops that maintain the fucking deployments about this????
By the way, this sucker is me.
And now I have one month to: deploy a new app... ALONE!! learning fucking react (please kill me) and probably merge it in a clusterfuck of unseparated backend/frontend because fuck it.
Oh, and figure out a way to make deployment automated and easy for me at least.
I'm about to rant in real life...7 -
Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?
Manager: It should work how it worked before.
Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.
Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.
Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.
Manager: Just how it worked before!
Dev: ...
Manager: ...
Dev: fuck you17 -
An intern I was supposed to lead (as an intern) and work with. Which sounded kinda crazy to me, but also fun so I rolled with it. But when I met her I quickly found out she didn't even have a coding editor installed and when I advised one she was "scared of virusses". She had Microsoft Edge in her toolbar, and some picture of a cat as a background. We were given some project by our boss, and a freelance programmer helped us set it up on Trello. Great, lets start! Oke maybe first some R&D, she had to reaeach how to use the Twilio API. After catching her on WhatsApp a few times I realised this wasnt gonna go anywere. After a few weeks of coding and posting a initial project to git I asked her if she could show me the code of the API she made so far..
She told me she was using the quickstart guide (the last 3 FUCKING weeks) which contained some test project with specific use cases.
The one that I did 3 weeks ago that same fucking morning.
AND SHE WAS STILL NOT DONE...
A few days later I asked her about the progress (strangly, I wasn't allowed ti give her another task bcs the freelanc already did) and guess what... She got fking pissed at me
Her: "I will come to you when im done, ok?"
Me: "I just want to see how it is going so far and if you are running into any problems!"
Her: "I dont want to show you right now"
She then goes to my fucking boss to tell him I am bothering her.
And omg... Please dear god please kill me now...
Instead of him saying the she probably didn't do shit. He says to me that the girl thinks im looking down on her and she needs a stress free environment to work in. She will show me when its done. ITS A FUCKING QUICKSTART GUIDE YOU DUMB BITCH.
He then procceeded to whine to me about the email template (another project I do at the same time) which didn't look perfect in all of his clients.
Dont they understand that I am not a frontend developer? Can you stop please? I know nothing about email templates, I told you this!!!
Really... the whole fucking internship the only thing the girl did was ask people if they want more tea. Then she starts cleaning the windows, talk to people for an hour, or clean everyone's dask.
all this while I already made 50% of the fucking product and she just finished the quickstart tutorial 😭. Truly 2 months wasted, and the worse thing is I didn't get any apprication. They constantly blamed me and whined at me. Sometimes for being 3 minutes late, the other for smoking too much, or because I drink to much coffee, or that I dont eat healthy. They even forced me to play Ping Pong. While im just trying to do my job. One of the worst things they got mad at me for if when my laptop got hacked bcs it was infected with some virus. He had remote access and bought 5 iPhones 6's with my paypal while I was on break. I had to go home and quickly reset all my passwords and make sure the iPhones wouldnt get delivered. strange this was, this laptop I only used at the company. So it must have been software I had to download there. Probably phpstorm (torrent). Bcs nobody would give me a license. And the freelancer said I * have to *.
the monday after I still had to reinstall windows so I called them and said I would be late. when I came they were so disrepectfull and didn't understand anything. It went a little like this:
Boss: why u late?
Me: had to reinstall my laptop, sorry.
Boss: why didnt you do this in your own time?
Me: well, I didn't have any time.
Boss: cant you do this in the weekend or something? Because now we have to pay you several hours bcs you downloaded something at home.
Me: I am only using this laptop for work so thats not possible.
Boss: how can that even be possible? You are not doing anything at home with your laptop? Is that why you never do anything at home?
Me: uhm, I have desktop computer you know. Its much faster. And I also need to rest sometimes. Areeb (freelancer) told me to torrent the software. He gave me the link. 2 days later this happends
Boss: Ahh okeee I see.. Well dont let it happen again.
After that nobody at the compamy trusted me with anything computer related. Yes it was my own fault I downloaded a virus but it can happen to anyone. After that I never used Windows again btw, also no more auto login apps.8 -
Please for the love of god name your variables in a sensible way! How the FUCK am I supposed to read your shitcode if you decide to write 6 (!!!) nested loops with variables each named by exactly one character. With no comments whatsoever!
I would rather crack password hashes than this nonsense.
13 -
Don’t you just love it when you do the following in a prod database 😅
UPDATE table SET someImportantField= NULL; WHERE abc = 123;
If I don’t laugh right now I’m going to cry.5 -
A quite normal Windows day:
Bios to Windows: "Go now! Get up!"
Windows to Bios: "Always slow with the young circuit boards."
"I've got something weird on screen."
Windows' answer: "Ignore it first."
Hardware assistant to Windows: "The user puts pressure. He wants me to identify this thing. Could be an ISDN card."
Windows: "Well, well."
Unknown ISDN card to all: "Will you please let me in?"
Network card to intruder: "You can't spread out here!"
Windows: "Quiet in the case! Or I'll cut both their support!"
Device Manager: "Offer compromise. The network card is allowed on Mondays, the ISDN card is on Tuesday."
Graphics card to Windows: "My driver retired yesterday. I'm crashing now."
Windows to graphics card: "When will you be back?"
Graphics card: "Well, not at first."
CD-Rom drive to Windows: "uh, I would have a new driver here..."
Windows: "What's ich´n supposed to do with it?!"
Installation software to Windows: "Leave it, I'll mach´ that already."
Windows: "That's nice to hear."
USB connection to interrupt management: "Alarm! Just been penetrated by a scanner cable. Request response."
Interrupt management: "Where are you coming from?"
USB connection: "I was in the computer right from the start. I'm joined by another colleague."
"You're not on my list." - "Say something."
Windows: "Hopefully there won't be another printer."
Graphics card: "The new driver twitches."
Windows: "We'll just have to get the old one out of retirement."
Uninstall program to new driver: "Go away."
Unwanted driver: "Fuck you."
Windows to Norton Utilities: "Kill him and his brood!"
Utilities to driver rests: "Sorry, we have to delete you."
Important system file: "Arrrrrrgghh!"
Windows on blue screen: "Gib´, the Norton Boys are over the top again."
Blue screen to user: "So, that's it for this week."
Excuse me for stealing your time
And I know it's way too long7 -
You know side projects? Well I took on one. An old customer asked to come and take over his latest startups companys tech. Why not, I tought. Idea is sound. Customer base is ripe and ready to pay.
I start digging and the Hardware part is awesome. The guys doing the soldering and imbedded are geniuses. I was impressed AF.
I commit and meet up with CEO. A guy with a vision and sales orientation/contacts. Nice! This shit is gonna sell. Production lines are also set.
Website? WTF is this shit. Owner made it. Gotta give him the credit. Dude doesn't do computers and still managed to online something. He is still better at sales so we agree that he's gonna stick with those and I'll handle the tech.
I bootstrap a new one in my own simplistic style and online it. I like it. The owner likes it. He made me to stick to a tacky logo. I love CSS and bootstrap. You can make shit look good quick.
But I still don't have access to the soul of the product. DBs millions rows of data and source for the app I still behind the guy that has been doing this for over a year.
He has been working on a new version for quite some time. He granted access to the new versions source, but back end and DB is still out of reach. Now for over month has passed and it's still no new version or access to data.
Source has no documentation and made in a flavor of JS frame I'm not familiar with. Weekend later of crazy cramming I get up to speed and it's clear I can't get further without the friggin data.
The V2 is a scramble of bleeding edge of Alpha tech that isn't ready for production and is clearly just a paid training period for the dev. And clearly it isn't going so well because release is a month late. I try to contact, but no reaction. The owner is clueless.
Disheartening. A good idea is going to waste because of some "dev" dropping a ball and stonewalling the backup.
I fucking give him till the end of the next week until I make the hardware team a new api to push the data and refactor the whole thing in proper technologies and cut him off.
Please. If you are a dev and don't have the time to concentrate on the solution don't take it on and kill off the idea. You guys are the key to making things happening and working. Demand your cut but also deserve it by delivering or at least have the balls to tell you are not up for it. -
I received a ticket today that said
"The customer can access the app fine if they're at their home, but when they occasionally go to the desert they can't access the app"
You can't make this stuff up.
Someone please kill me.13 -
Dear senior developer with xx years of development experience, please, I BEG OF YOU hear my humble unprofessional opinion.
Not every junior is a inexperienced low life.
Even though I'm glad that I'm working with someone of your wide skill set and expertise, I'm not working with you by choice nor it is my intention to distract or "steal" your knowledge.
When I suggested using a newer version of jQuery for this new project that didn't mean I'm challenging you to work on something new for your domain, I'm merely suggesting this change because jQuery 1.2 is just old and a big portion of it is deprecated.
When I suggest some changes on your CSS selectors that doesn't mean I'm acting out of place, it is my genuine interest of having effecient css where possible.
I know you (in your opinion) are the best full stack developer in the industry, but maaaan you kill me when you use js and regex to validate input type=email (table filp) ... Haalllloooo it's 2017 this Sunday aren't we supposed to progress instead of remaining in the same old same ?
RANT!!!10 -
Please don't kill me!!
I started using dark theme in all IDE I use just today.. all those years I was using Light theme !9 -
Boss: Have you finished that feature?
Me: Almost there, i'm refactoring some classes...
Boss: What? Refactor? But thisnis a new feature, it does not need refactor! We don't have time for this!
Me: 😵🔫
This is what happen when you care about code quality.5 -
My friend loves Dreamweaver... And continuously says that he doesn't understand what people see in it that is so wrong... It does the job right?...... Fucking blind...
Uses a bootstrap plugin which generates HTML code for bootstrap.
I did not know this at the time.
Comes to me the night before submission.
He: Dude i need help quick! I've got the presentation tomorrow morning and bootstrap fucked up the links to my style sheets or something, my page is broken and won't work. I should have done what you did and gone for Foundation...
Me: Yeah, because the bootstrap framework definitely affects the style links...
He: help me out man, please! I can't do this anymore!
I had my submission the day after him to prepare still...
Me: Teamviewer. Now.
Log on to Teamviewer.
See what he's using to code...
Dreamweaver..... Niiiiice....
I go through the code. There are empty divs with &nbsc; in them everywhere.. some HTML elements haven't been closed, no comments, indentation seems to be completely random. All the usual shit storm of a novice web designer.
The only thing is, this guy I know knows how to indent, I've seen his previous work. Why is this so horrible then???
I ask what the hell happened, it looked like a nuclear explosion happened!
He: Yeah I'm using this great plugin for Dreamweaver which lets me click and it puts in Bootstrap elements! It's great!
........ You're blaming the bootstrap framework for affecting your links to your stylesheets, you're using an elements generator, you're not checking what the FUCK it puts into your code, not fixing the indenting, not checking the standard HTML rules are followed AND YOU WONDER WHY IT'S BROKEN???
Kill me now.4 -
Since I was little I was fascinated by club light shows I saw on TV shows. I just couldn't find out how they made light react to sound, which were two completely unrelated things to me back then. But I wasn't dumb and somehow figured out that if I hooked some low energy fairy lights to my amp and turned the bass up, they would lightup to the beat.
3 fried fairy lights and angry parents for to loud music later I swore to myself that I would someday build something that could light up my whole room and react to the music I was playing.
I started coding about the age 13 (turned 20 a month ago) with some old school bat scripts. But I wanted something that would generate a .exe so I googled and ended up installing Visual Studio Express (again angry parents for installing without asking) and started copying my first VB.Net program together. From there no one could stop me. I wanted to archive something with an application and googled until I found what I needed and learned to code this way.
I learned writing decent vb.net code and itvwas about this time I came into contact with IRC. I lurked arround there and this is were I came into contact with Linix servers, because I wanted to code IRC (eggdrop) bots, so I learned TCL and got used to Linux. Time passed and I ended uo being a Global OP on some network back then.
I did go further, coded Minecraft Mods, thus Java, changed back to C#, learned PHP and started setting things up on my VPS, Mails server, web server, etc.
Nowadays I work as a Systemadmin / Developer Hybrid, earning my first real money doing what I love to do and guess what? In the meantime I proved myself I can accomplish what I wanted as kid. I bought some Club LED DMX capital lights and programmed a controller for them which can control them in C#, but in a way I can run it on my raspi using mono. I also coded a client which runs on windows which uses some native libraries to calculate the dominant color of the shown picture in realtime (Handels 24fps 1080p) and uses the lights as ambient light, like you see them behind TVs sometimes.
The same app uses Bass.NET and an algorithm to dedect a beat in realtime and switches the light colors. Exactly what I wanted as akid, but better.
I can even control the lights via the new Google Assistant and/or Tasker.
Feels fcking good.
Some of my work lies on github among other, mostly trash: https://github.com/Kimmax - didn't updated there in a while tho.
I plan on writing a new free opensource plugin based modular home automatication server and pretty sure could use some helping hands..
I don't know why I wrote all this, just felt like it.
Also: first Rant
Please don't kill me for errors in the text, I'm to lazy to read through it again right now :P8 -
People, for God's sake PLEASE at least try to understand the code you are copy-pasting ... now I have to debug a weird function because of someone who didn't.4
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Miss those days when web development used to be easy...
Now the react, react-router, redux, server-side-rendering, redux-form and nodejs...making me crazy.
And oh how can you forget the fucking webpack.
Someone please kill me.
9 -
Conversation between me (intern) and a guy from communications, let's call him Bob.
Bob: "Hey, client X wants these pages to be changed."
Me: "Again? Last time I changed them was less than a week ago!"
Bob: "Yeah, everyone thinks X is a pain in the ass, but hey, more money for us."
Me: "But you don't pay me..."
Bob: "Oh yeah, you're right haha XD."
Me: "Haha... :')"2 -
Today a colleague was making weird noises because he was modifying some data files where half of the data needed to be updated with a name field, there were 4 files all about 1200 lines big.
I asked how he was doing and he said he was ready to kill himself, after he explained why I asked why he was doing if manually. He said he normally uses regex for it but he couldnt do this with a regex.
I opened VS code for him, used the multiselect thing (CTRL+D) and changed one of the files in about 2 minutes. Something he was working on for over half an hour already.... He thanked me about a million times for explaining it to him.
If you ever find yourself in a position where you have a tedious task which takes hours, please ask if somebody knows a way of doing it quicker. Doing something in 2 minutes is quite a bit cheaper and better for your mental state than doing the same thing manually In 3 hours (our estimate)4 -
ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
I've got a client that is complaining a long sentence is on multiple lines on a mobile device.
You literally cannot make this stuff up. They are literally saying, "move this specific word up to the line above."8 -
The amount of "echo {number};" thingies I have in my code right now is too damn high, please don't kill me 😅7
-
I have got a new director at work. My previous director had to retire already, the man was already feeling it and he had been on the institution for more than 35 years....I am 30, so this tells you how much the man has been there.
This new dude.....has the presence of a Caterprie (Pokemon) or an Oompa Loompa. In contrast, the previous director felt like a 4 star General (never been in the presence of a 5 star since those occurrences are world war rare) but I had respected that man so much and loved working with him. I really did loved my boss, he was stern and professional, but kind and friendly to his staff, fiercely protective, no one took advantage of I.T while he was there, he would literally fight for us and took our word before anything else. The man was, well, a true man. A true leader.
He took a chance in putting me as the head of my department, but he had faith in me, and coached me and trained me as much as he could. Had the requirement for his position not been a masters he himself told me that he would have loved to make me his successor, even when I would constantly tell him that I was scared shitless of the work he did and the amount of things he did for the institution, to me this is a very laaaaaaaaarge cowboy hat to fill (this is Texas, he wore a hat, the saying is normally "shoes to fill", but fuck it)
This new guys looks away when the other managers are speaking to him. He constantly interrupts us. He constantly tells us about how the other institution in which he was (rival might I add) does X or Y, its fucking annoying to the point that me and the other managers have a drinking game, for every time he references his old institution we drink one beer over the weekend. It is Saturday night and I am 36 in in total (this is my favorite part of it tho) and it is just annoying.
His train of thought makes no sense to me:
"This application, where did you buy it? we tried purchasing one on Y when I was still there but found none"
Me: "Well, since it was a new government mandate and had nowhere to go we had to develop it in house"
Him: "We had tried to purchase what you guys had but found no place that sold it, so why didn't you try purchasing it?"
Me:.....well, because it was brand new, purchase it from where? We also don't like dealing with vendors that manage these sorts of things because every new requirement takes them weeks to produce on very high budgets, historically, my department has only had maintenance fees for the software that we have and even those applications crap themselves all the time and they take weeks to answer back to us.
Him: So you decided to develop it in house instead? we would never do that! back at y we purchased everything our engineers never really developed anything!
Me: Well then, what is the purpose of having engineers if they are not going to actually develop an application?
Him: IF there is something out there that is better then why should you reinvent the wheel?
Me: For this one I did not reinvent the wheel, I am not talking about creating a programming language from scratch, but how does custom solutions that specifically feed the needs of the institution to be produced otherwise? The department has developers for a reason, because they have very specific needs in here that can only come from a team of developers that are in house satisfying those needs.
Him: Well our engineers never had to do that. Sure projects sometimes had to put on holds because the vendor was busy, but such is the nature of development
Me: No it is not, the nature of development is to create things, it is one thing for my team to go through bugs and software considerations, it is another for me to not provide a service because some random company is taking two weeks on a $300 dllr an hour contract to put a simple checkbox on a form. If a project fails the board is not going to care that some vendor is not doing their job, they are just going to blame me, if that is the case then I would much rather the blame be actually mine than some sucky third party "developer" also, your engineers where not even engineers, they were people with a degree that purchased things, that's it, please do not compare them to my guys or refer them as engineers in front of me, they are not.
Him: Well, maybe.
MAYBE?!! motherfucker I did not kill myself learning the ins and outs of architecture and software engineering on my own time after my fucking bachelors in C.S for your codeless background ass to tell me MAYBE. My word IS the fucking WORD here, not yours. Fuck me I really dislike this dude's management practices.
The shitty part? He is not a bad person, he is not a bad dude that is out to get us, just a simple minded moron with no place as a leader.
I know leaders, I know what a leader is, this is not one.10 -
I jump on an existing scala project.
git pull && sbt compile test
Tests are failing.
Me: "Hey team, the tests are failing."
Team member: "That cannot be. They were passing for the the last run."
Me: "Did you run them locally?"
Team member: "No, on Jenkins. It was fine."
I check Jenkins.
Me: "What do you mean it's fine. The last successful deployment was on the end of May."
Team member: "The Pull Request checker always went through successfully."
I check how our Jenkins tasks are configured. It's true that the Pull Request Checker runs successfully yet due to a "minor misconfiguration" (aka "major fuckup") the Pull Request Checker only tests a tiny subset of the entire test suite.
Team members were were fine if their Pull Request got the "Success" notification on bitbucket's pull request page. And reviewers trusted that icon as well.
They never checked the master run of the Jenkins task. Where the tests were also failing for over a month.
I'm also highely confused how they did TDD. You know, writing a test first, making it green. (I hope they were just one specific test at a time assuming the others were green. The cynic in me assumes they outsourced running the tests to the Jenkins.)
Gnarf!
Team member having run the tests locally finally realizes: "The tests are broken. Gonna fix them."
Wow. Please, dear fellow developers: It does not kill you to run the entire test suite locally. Just do it. Treat the external test runners as a safety net. Yet always run the test suite locally first.4 -
Getting real fucking sick of shitty websites excessive security measures!
1. Username
2. Password
3. Captcha
4. Mandatory 2FA
We don't recognize your IP, please log into your email, click the link, get redirected and complete steps 1-4 again! Also the site will time out in 10 minutes if you aren't actively using it. Have a nice day!
Go fuck yourself.7 -
Uploading something to a server through SCP and copying the composer libs along instead of installing them server side.
Please don't kill me 😅5 -
On the presentation for my database project my team and I showed a NodeJS + Mongo + VueJS project with cloud storage capability, nothing fancy but did everything from scratch (from token auth and system encryption to the frontend CSS and the database) the teacher made some questions and meh'd at it.
Behold team two's project, WordPress with a standard template and phpMyAdmin, teacher loves it because "it's so beautiful"
Guess who just failed that class?
God I love college, it's the best time investment I've ever done and it'll surely pay out.
12 -
small reminder: building your own operating system means that you are forced to scan the memory by yourself...
FUCKING HELL PLEASE KILL ME NOW23 -
That moment when your supervisor gets back to you so fucking late that you consider dropping out literally days before finishing your degree.
Lol. Kill me right now please.8 -
I am so BORED!
Like, seriously.... so so bored... work isn’t fun anymore... I don’t do any fun coding anymore...
Meh 😔10 -
User: "I emailed my spreadsheet to a colleague. Why can't I see their updates in mine?"
Please just kill me now.15 -
[Found on tumblr]
It only takes a minute of your time, so please call EVERYDAY to save net netrality. Here is the link:
https://www.battleforthenet.com/
Also if you are like me and get nervous with phone calls, use this. You won't have to talk to anyone: https://resistbot.io/
We can also kill the piece of shit, Ajit Pai, that would be a much easier solution ;)3 -
FOR FUCK SAKE MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND !!!!
Been working on an app at work for 9 months and now PM tells me customer wants to change flow of the app!!!
Kill me please ASAP!6 -
The site I'm working on works in Chrome, Safari, Edge
But not freaking Firefox.
I hate you Firefox, please leave.
(Disclaimer: Pls don't kill me. Freedom of opinion)17 -
Six years ago I created a drupal page pro bono for an organization I'm in. Was my first site really, was hacky af, in retrospect, I created an unmaintainable monster. And as it usually happens, I moved away, the site stops being properly maintained, opening admin view just cries "please update me" (or was it "kill"? Not sure here). Now I'm back in town and get a call from the current one in charge requesting a training. I thought this evil dark dev history of mine is now finally returning to hunt me forever. But no, she actually understood it, and after half an hour she was perfectly capable of maintaining the site. I'm stunned.3
-
God, I don't know whether I believe in you or not, but please kill all those people who play loud music in public.
So, I was travelling by a train two days ago. Halfway down the 15 hr journey, the guy next to me took out his laptop and started watching a movie, on speakers, in full volume. It naturally irritated me a lot, and I requested him to use head/earphones, to which he replied that he forgot his one back home. I told him to keep the volume down to which he got personal and put the volume down (maybe to 95%). Since I hate human interaction, I had to plug in my own earphones to keep his bitchy noise away.
The same thing happened today on the bus, the only two differences being:
• mobile phone instead of laptop
• said he doesn't own headphones
• claimed he could do whatever he wanted as it was not illegal
Now, I wished he fell of the bus and died, but the world ain't fair, so he still lives.14 -
I'm such a dumb fuck....
It took me fucking 30 mins to figure out that I use a function which relies on a copy of an object that's copied one line after the function call instead of before...
PLEASE KILL ME8 -
1. Start ur day posting Good morning in #general thread.
2. Say Hello Team in the project group (slack).
3. Have a standup call with the entire team and discuss what everyone would be doing.
4. Evening 6 pm go on another call with the team explaining what you did for the day.
5. Time tracking software should always be on, so we can monitor your keystrokes.
6. Track time on Clickup tasks, as well as move them to appropriate tabs indicating their status.
7. Before u log off, post a detailed report on the group chat about what you did for the day.
Surely, this will increase productivity of the team, right?10 -
The guy that developed this template redefined every bootstrap class and now i have to maintain it... kill me please
6 -
!rant
So, uh.
Just came back from my vacation, only to find out that my PC is now broken.
Like, it doesn't turn on.
Great.19 -
Client: I want a new feature for my chat bot. It should be able to rap.
Me: ... k
*monologue: wait u w0t m8*
Also me: Can you please go more into the details? It should be able to rap. Ok. But how do you want it to look like? How "strong" should be the discrimination level, for instance?
Client: It should beat ass, yo.
Inner me -> core me: Let us just ignore him. We won't be able to do it, since he isn't really explaining his needs. "It should be able to rap". We are not wizards.
Core me -> inner me: Chill. We will just use some insult apis, combine it with cleverb0t api et voila.
Me: Alright. I got an idea for it. I can do it within this week. And if you don't like it, I will ofc do some changes to it.
Client: Hmmm... that's nice and good. But within 1 week?
Inner me: I can't do magic and pull that feature out of my fucking ass!
Clients... clients... clients...
0. Don't expect us to be done in a few days. We are also humans. And not fucking machines.
1. Do us (all devs on planet earth. -Microaggression in 3, 2, 1..) a favor and (kill yourself) learn how to request a feature.2 -
So my parents got speakers integrated into their monitor. A few years ago (like 3-4) they made me turn off the sound because it annoyed them since all they did were playing some shitty flash games and some office work. Now they needed the sound back on and this is how it happened.
1. Confirm they plugged the right cable in. I know them so I knew that could be a problem
2. Made them download Teamviewer because I know they can't even doubleclick without guidance
Now the juicy part was to tell them they need to turn on sound on the monitor. As I was watching via teamviewer I saw them trying to click on the menu items from said monitor. Took me 5 minutes to explain that their mouse can't do shit on that because they need to navigate with the buttons underneath the monitor.
Turned out they couldnt get things right and I had no idea what they were seeing because they explanations went like "All I can see is Main Menu and Exit." - "Is that really all dad?" "Yes thats all. Main Menu, Brightness and Exit" turnes out the middle part is interchangable like "Brightness, Saturation, etc..."
After 2 hours I gave up and told them to pick up my speakers tomorrow -
Wow, I just realized the marketing teams of most of the companies I have been dealing with are some cold sociopaths.
Every other letter that pops in the mailbox is filled with dark patterns trying to guilt me into opting in to their continued spam:
Subject: Most awesome husky puppy!
Look at this beautiful husky puppy. Isn't it beautiful.... It would be sad if something happened to it... But I am afraid... Something will happen to it...
If you don't opt in to our email message... I am afraid we have no choice... We have to kill this puppy. End it's life... We have no choice. I wish we did! Nothing would please us more than keeping this beautiful-beautiful puppy living and playing....
But if you don't opt in... We have to cut it's throat. Leave it lying on the ground, bleeding out as the life slowly fades away from it's pretty blue eyes...
And Remember: it's not us who killed it... IT WAS YOU! YOUR ACTIONS LEAD TO THE DEATH OF THIS PUPPY! YOU.... YOU FILTHY MURDERER!
Pls opt-in ok, then we are all good. Puppy lives! Just opt in. Ok? Yeah, you know what you have to do.3 -
Friend of mine created a blog from scratch... You could create a post, by just sending a POST request (no authentication required!)....
As an additional bonus: you could dump full unfiltered HTML in a post, which was then executed...
Please kill me5 -
Me: yo DEV2 parse this string into a hashmap. Use regex, 2 rows of code are enough for the job
DEV2: implemented 40 rows of switch/if cases into nested for loop.
Please kill me 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🇮🇹3 -
I propose that the study of Rust and therefore the application of said programming language and all of the technology that compromises it should be made because the language is actually really fucking good. Reading and studying how it manages to manipulate and otherwise use memory without a garbage collector is something to be admired, illuminating in its own accord.
BUT going for it because it is a "beTter C++" should not constitute a basis for it's study.
Let me expand through anecdotal evidence, which is really not to be taken seriously, but at the same time what I am using for my reasoning behind this, please feel free to correct me if I am wrong, for I am a software engineer yes, I do have academic training through a B.S in Computer Science yes, BUT my professional life has been solely dedicated to web development, which admittedly I do not go on about technical details of it with you all because: I am not allowed to(1) and (2)it is better for me to bitch and shit over other petty development related details.
Anecdotal and otherwise non statistically supported evidence: I have seen many motherfuckers doing shit in both C and C++ that ADMIT not covering their mistakes through the use of a debugger. Mostly because (A) using a debugger and proper IDE is for pendejos and debugging is for putos GDB is too hard and the VS IDE is waaaaaa "I onlLy NeeD Vim" and (B) "If an error would have registered then it would not have compiled no?", thus giving me the idea that the most common occurrences of issues through the use of the C father/son languages come from user error, non formal training in the language and a nice cusp of "fuck it it runs" while leaving all sorts of issues that come from manipulating the realm of the Gods "memory".
EVERY manual, book, coming all the way back to the K&C book talks about memory and the way in which developers of these 2 languages are able to manipulate and work on it. EVERY new standard of the ISO implementation of these languages deals, through community effort or standard documentation about the new items excised through features concerning MODERN (meaning, no, the shit you learned 20 years ago won't fucking cut it) will not cut it.
THUS if your ass is not constantly checking what the scalpel of electrical/circuitry/computational representation of algorithms CONDONES in what you are doing then YOU are the fucking problem.
Rust is thus no different from the original ideas of the developers behind Go when stating that their developers are not efficient enough to deal with X language, Rust protects you, because it knows that you are a fucking moron, so the compiler, advanced, and well made as it is, will give you warnings of your own idiotic tendencies, which would not have been required have you not been.....well....a fucking idiot.
Rust is a good language, but I feel one that came out from the necessity of people writing system level software as a bunch of fucking morons.
This speaks a lot more of our academic endeavors and current documentation than anything else. But to me DEALING with the idea of adapting Rust as a better C++ should come from a different point of view.
Do I agree with Linus's point of view of C++? fuck no, I do not, he is a kernel engineer, a damn good one at that regardless of what Dr. Tanenbaum believes(ed) but not everyone writes kernels, and sometimes that everyone requires OOP and additions to the language that they use. Else I would be a fucking moron for dabbling in the dictionary of languages that I use professionally.
BUT in terms of C++ being unsafe and unsecured and a horrible alternative to Rust I personaly do not believe so. I see it as a powerful white canvas, in which you are able to paint software to the best of your ability WHICH then requires thorough scrutiny from the entire team. NOT a quick replacement for something that protects your from your own stupidity BY impending the use of what are otherwise unknown "safe" features.
To be clear: I am not diminishing Rust as the powerhouse of a language that it is, myself I am quite invested in the language. But instead do not feel the reason/need before articles claiming it as the C++ killer.
I am currently heavily invested in C++ since I am trying a lot of different things for a lot of projects, and have been able to discern multiple pain points and unsafe features. Mainly the reason for this is documentation (your mother knows C++) and tooling, ide support, debugging operations, plethora of resources come from it and I have been able to push out to my secret project a lot of good dealings. WHICH I will eventually replicate with Rust to see the main differences.
Online articles stating that one will delimit or otherwise kill the other is well....wrong to me. And not the proper approach.
Anyways, I like big tits and small waists.14 -
What a shitty day.
3h sleep
Lead very pissed bcuz backend don't know specs
Boring meeting where everything is repeated like 6 times
In a few hours boss wants to talk with the whole team
My co-workers jokingly say they want to fire me.
I should be the "hero that will make things better"
Please just kill me instead...
Edit: started working there 3 weeks ago2 -
QA: When I start the onboarding process, kill the app and reopen it, I return to where I left off with no way to go back to the previous screen.
Me: Please click the back button in the top left corner5 -
Love being contacted by a consultant.
At 7PM.
Via WhatsApp.
Becuase they recently "migrated to gmail" (wtf does that even mean?!?! it was their reason why I didnt get their email)
I fucking hate zoomers, please kill me, i have made a mistake working with these clowns
🤡5 -
For an early meeting PM promised to bring coffee for every one.
Now he says that he forgot...
Early in the morning, stuck in 3 hours meeting without coffee...4 -
True story
Was free at work so applied for a stretch project.
PM: you know mobile dev?
Me: yes, built a few apps
PM: good, we have an old app we want you to take the JAR change everything but the look of it and make it a new hybrid app with the required features.
Me: *kill me please*
PM: and use WordPress as the server.
Me: ...........
Accepted the challenge. Did the entire app in ionic and build a server for it with SpringBoot. Client loves it PM is still doesn't know😂2 -
Client: hey here are the original final 15 megapixel pictures for the website (to replace placeholders that have been replaced by other placeholders), please implement them.
Me: okay, let me just compress them a bit. *save for web and devices, upload*
Client: they are a bit pixely could you make them larger?
Me: errrr. well that will kill loadtime
*repeat this process 8 times over F-ing chat until pic is F-ing huge*
Client: okay now that the picture is nice and crisp and huge please add some blur in photoshop4 -
What a sad and frustrating day!
I got a call from recruiter. I told him that I'm not actively looking for change. But he requested for 2 mins to listen. He started telling about his company, how great it is, tech stack, perks, salary etc. He is telling everything but not company name, I waited patiently and asked what's the pay I can expect. The number blew my mind, it's nearly double to my current pay. Then...
Me: that sounds amazing, which company is this, and where is it?
Him: it is <my company name> and located at <my current location, same campus>
Me: .....
Him: so, what do you think?
Me: .... I need some time. Let me update my LinkedIn profile first and then, i will get back to you.
Him: sounds wonderful, will call back by Monday. <Call disconnected>
Me: <inside my head> @$_-$#(/+&_#
This in my 10th year in this company, some one kill me please.5 -
you wanna know what the most hilarious shit is? hackernews users AKA the 6 figure startup bros that "rule the world" in terms of code and software...
trying to argue the best way to build a website 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
here's some select quotes:
"I believe the most minimalistic and productive way is to just use php"
^ this guy must not know its 2023 now
"Unless you are a web developer I don't see the point of a CSS framework, it's much easier to roll your own."
^ this guy must not know the pain and suffering that is 'rolling your own' in CSS
"Sadly, I just don't have the time to generate the content I wanted to do, so the site sits."
^ this guy just... wait, what?
but you know what? these guys clearly know WAY more than me in terms of software, it's good they get infinite salad bar and prime rib every day at silicon valley's best and brightest!
please fucking kill me i want it to end16 -
I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.
I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.
I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.
I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.
I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.
I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.
I solemnly swear I won't help anyone no more.
(Fucking bitch dragged me till 3 A.M, NO SHE'S NOT WORTH IT)3 -
I think that two criterias are important:
- don't block my productivity
- author should have his userbase in mind
1) Some simple anti examples:
- Windows popping up a big fat blue screen screaming for updates. Like... Go suck some donkey balls you stupid shit that's totally irritating you arsehole.
- Graphical tools having no UI concept. E.g. Adobes PDF reader - which was minimalized in it's UI and it became just unbearable pain. When the concept is to castrate the user in it's abilities and call the concept intuitive, it's not a concept it's shit. Other examples are e.g. GEdit - which was severely massacred in Gnome 3 if I remember correctly (never touched Gnome ever again. I was really put off because their concept just alienated me)
- Having an UI concept but no consistency. Eg. looking at a lot of large web apps, especially Atlassian software.
Too many times I had e.g. a simple HTML form. In menu 1 you could use enter. In menu 2 Enter does not work. in another menu Enter works, but it doesn't submit the form it instead submits the whole page... Which can end in clusterfuck.
Yaaayyyy.
- Keyboard usage not possible at all.
It becomes a sad majority.... Pressing tab, not switching between form fields. Looking for keyboard shortcuts, not finding any. Yes, it's a graphical interface. But the charm of 16 bit interfaces (YES. I'm praising DOS interfaces) was that once you memorized the necessary keyboard strokes... You were faster than lightning. Ever seen e.g. a good pharmacist, receptionist or warehouse clerk... most of the software is completely based on short keyboard strokes, eg. for a receptionist at a doctor for the ICD code / pharmaceutical search et cetera.
- don't poop rainbows. I mean it.
I love colors. When they make sense. but when I use some software, e.g. netdata, I think an epilepsy warning would be fair. Too. Many. Neon. Colors. -.-
2) It should be obvious... But it's become a burden.
E.g. when asked for a release as there were some fixes... Don't point to the install from master script. Maybe you like it rolling release style - but don't enforce it please. It's hard to use SHA256 hash as a version number and shortening the hash might be a bad idea.
Don't start experiments. If it works - don't throw everything over board without good reasons. E.g. my previous example of GEdit: Turning a valuable text editor into a minimalistic unusable piece of crap and calling it a genius idea for the sake of simplicity... Nope. You murdered a successful product.
Gnome 3 felt like a complete experiment and judging from the last years of changes in the news it was an rather unsuccessful one... As they gave up quite a few of their ideas.
When doing design stuff or other big changes make it a community event or at least put a poll up on the github page. Even If it's an small user base, listen to them instead of just randomly fucking them over.
--
One of my favorite projects is a texteditor called Kate from KDE.
It has a ton of features, could even be seen as a small IDE. The reason I love it because one of the original authors still cares for his creation and ... It never failed me. I use Kate since over 20 years now I think... Oo
Another example is the git cli. It's simple and yet powerful. git add -i is e.g. a thing I really really really love. (memorize the keyboard shortcuts and you'll chunk up large commits faster than flash.
Curl. Yes. The (http) download tool. It's author still cares. It's another tool I use since 20 years. And it has given me a deep insight of how HTTP worked, new protocols and again. It never failed me. It is such a fucking versatile thing. TLS debugging / performance measurements / what the frigging fuck is going on here. Take curl. Find it out.
My worst enemies....
Git based clients. I just hate them. Mostly because they fill the niche of explaining things (good) but completely nuke the learning of git (very bad). You can do any git action without understanding what you do and even worse... They encourage bad workflows.
I've seen great devs completely fucking up git and crying because they had really no fucking clue what git actually does. The UI lead them on the worst and darkest path imaginable. :(
Atlassian products. On the one hand... They're not total shit. But the mass of bugs and the complete lack of interest of Atlassian towards their customers and the cloud movement.... Ouch. Just ouch.
I had to deal with a lot of completely borked up instances and could trace it back to a bug tracking entry / atlassian, 2 - 3 years old with the comment: vote for this, we'll work on a Bugfix. Go fuck yourself you pisswads.
Microsoft Office / Windows. Oh boy.
I could fill entire days of monologues.
It's bad, hmkay?
XEN.
This is not bad.
This is more like kill it before it lays eggs.
The deeper I got into XEN, the more I wanted to lay in a bathtub full of acid to scrub of the feelings of shame... How could anyone call this good?!?????4 -
Still I'm getting hardly fucked by Webpack. If there's any good god in this universe, please kill me. 😰33
-
Some fegit: "test you"
*fegit sends outbound Facebook link to some Paki website*
(why not a direct link you moron?)
Fegit: "go."
Me (thinking): *what the fuck does this idiot want from me*
Me: "What makes you think that we want to prove ourselves to you by us doing your dirty work? We are not your personal army, so please fuck right off."
Fegit: "look out ya window"
Ehm yeah sure.. as if there's anything there. You'll need more than that to threaten me.
Me: "Anything to see there?"
Fegit: …
Fucking piece of shit. Look out your window you say. Wanna give it a try? To someone who masters the art of wrangling the angry pixies? I don't need a gun to kill people, you know ^^
Oh well. At least it wasn't a "plz huk Phasebuk" question I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯5 -
Working as a part time student on an app and until now I thought I was the king of software development.
Well, fuck me and my high horse.
Today the stuff we send from the client to the server didn't arrive, so I asked the backend guy if he could take a look at the packages arriving. He did and told me the data was messed up.
I did only design stuff the last week or so, so I was very confused. After reverting back to one old commit after the other it struck me.
I still don't know how such a dumb mistake could have happened to me, the king of Android apps, but apparently I replaced all occurrences of a specific keyword in just the strings and comments of the whole project. Key became KeyList, so instead of <Keys> my XML contained <KeyList> which made no goddamn sense whatsoever.
Did I mention that we have an important deadline tomorrow? Yeah...
So now I leaned my lesson. Never trust XML.
JK I'm dumb. That's the lesson here. -
I was graced by my boss to attend a training for key users of a CRM system we resell, as a technical advisor.
The training is scheduled from 0915 - 1700
Can somebody come and kill me please?4 -
I'm a developer with scrum master certification but the company wanted me to use their existing google spreadsheet for managing the tasks of 60 developers. I study agile for nothing. Kill me now please. I'm out.5
-
$ rsync /media/elements /media/data
... Why the fuck are existing files being synchronized as well.. they're the exact goddamn files rsync!!!
^Z
$ stat /media/elements/some.file
$ stat /media/data/some.file
Hmm 🤔 so they've got the same access and modify times, same size and everything, just that the change time is different.. well, guess I'll have to bite the pill then, syncing everything it is 🙁
Next day: rsync aborted because disk quota is exceeded
What the...
*Checks storage consumption on /media/data*
COMPLETELY FILLED TO THE BRIM
Oh God 😰 I didn't completely copy over a duplicate of that elements directory, did I?
$ ls -sh /media/data/elements
*exists*
$ du -sh /media/data/elements
1.4TB
But why..? All because I forgot a single / in my rsync command.
Please kill -9 me 🙂🔫1 -
Working on an AI that learns to generate quatrains, by only feeding it every letter of the alphabet at the beginning.
It's learning super slowly, but theoretically it works. And with slowly I mean it takes 5000 iterations just to realize the optimal letter frequency to generate a word that is real.
Please just kill me.2 -
Spent 2+ months this year building two new software courses. They've netted me a total of... $17.00
That's 5 cents per hour at 40/hours a week, not bad!!!!
also please fucking tell me how a $49.99 course with 92 enrollments this month earns me a grand total of $93 (even rounding up here for generosity)
creator: $93
udemy: $4506
udemy: "instructor gets 37% of comissions"
yeah okay then where is my fucking $1000+
I mean what in the literal FUCK is going on here
better put: i average a single fucking dollar for each $50 course I sell?
Please kill me and end it all in this mindless race to the bottom
taking a deep dive on this revenue share and then i'm going to fucking get the money i deserve10 -
So, I've come to hate Sundays. You might ask me, why? Why Sunday of all days? The answer is very simple: My wont-shut-her-fucking-mouth roommate.
Woman should be a commentator at sport events. She woke up at 10 in the morning and has been talking to what seems like the entire fucking population of this goddamn world, it's going to be 10 in the night soon. I feel like I am staying as a leech so I have no say in this goddamn room.
Please someone help me design a fucking signal jammer so I can block out the signals to shut her up!
Kill me now!
FML7 -
A (work-)project i spent a year on will finally be released soon. That's the perfect opportunity to vent out all the rage i built up during dealing with what is the javascript version of a zodiac letter.
Everything went wrong with the beginning. 3 people were assigned to rewrite an old flash-application. Me, A and B. B suggested a javascript framework, even though me and A never worked with more than jquery. In the end we chose react/redux with rest on the server, a classic.
After some time i got the hang of time, around that time B left and a new guy, C, was hired soon after that. He didn't know about react/redux either. The perfect start off to a burning pile of smelly code.
Today this burning pile turned into a wasteland of code quality, a house of cards with a storm approaching, a rocket with leaks ready to launch, you get the idea.
We got 2 dozen files with 200-500 loc, each in the same directory and each with the same 2 word prefix which makes finding the right one a nightmare on its on. We have an i18n-library used only for ~10 textfields, copy-pasted code you never know if it's used or not, fetch-calls with no error-handling, and many other code smells that turn this fire into a garbage fire. An eternal fire. 3 months ago i reduced the linter-warnings on this project to 1, now i can't keep count anymore.
We use the reactabular-module which gives us headaches because IT DOESN'T DO WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO DO AND WE CANT USE IT WELL EITHER. All because the client cant be bothered to have the table header scroll along with the body. We have methods which do two things because passing another callback somehow crashed in the browser. And the only thing about indentation is that it exists. Copy pasting from websites, other files and indentation wars give the files the unique look that make you wonder if some of the devs hides his whitespace code in the files.
All of this is the result of missing time, results over quality and the worst approach of all, used by A: if A wants an ui-component similar to an existing one, he copies the original and edits he copy until it does what he wants. A knows about classes, modules, components, etc. Still, he can't bring himself to spend his time on creating superclasses... his approach gives results much faster
Things got worse when A tried redux, luckily A prefers the components local state. WHICH IS ANOTHER PROBLEM. He doesn't understand redux and loads all of the data directly from the server and puts it into the local state. The point of redux is that you don't have to do this. But there are only 1 or 2 examples of how this practice hurt us yet, so i'm gonna have to let this slide. IF HE AT LEAST WOULD UPDATE THE DATA PROPERLY. Changes are just sent to the server and then all of the data is re-fetched. I programmed the rest-endpoints to return the updated objects for a very reason. But no, fuck me.
I've heard A decided (A is the teamleader) to use less redux on the next project and use a dedicated rest-endpoints for every little comoutation you COULD DO WITH REDUX INSTEAD. My will is broken and just don't want to work with this anymore.
There are still various subpages that cant f5 because the components cant handle an empty redux state in the beginning, but to be honest i don't care anymore. Lets hope the client will never find out, along with the "on error nothing happens"-bugs. The product should've been shipped last week, but thanks to mandatory bugfixes the release was postponed to next week. Then the next project starts...
Please give me some tips to keep up code quality over time, i cant take this once more.
I'm also aware that i could've done more, talking A and C about code style, prettifying the code, etc. Etc. But i was busy putting out my out fires, i couldn't kill much of the other fires which in the end became a burning building (a perfect metaphor for this software)4 -
Keeping myself from getting bored af at work. I am a backend engineer doing mostly frontend. And right now it ain't even the interesting stuff. I am merely passing photoshop files to static displays.
Kill me. Every once in a while I do maintenance on Java and PHP apps, but still...bored.....more Rails or Django please -
*trying to install arch linux for the first time*
> reboot
> system goes into a boot loop
> cant get into BIOS
> taking pc apart rn8 -
Hey ranters!
I'm here to ask a huge favor.
So I used to be on the app more frequently last year, but I started to work on a shit ton of personal/professional projects. I'm not technically back to being a regular again (probably never will be), I'm back to ask all you great devs to possibly check out a platform I'm working on. It's not 100% completed yet, but I'm at that weird 90% mark where you're almost done but you start to find other interesting things to do, so I'm forcing myself to ask people to hop on it to give me that push. It's going to have some interesting (if I say so myself) features.Definitely appreciate it! (Please don't kill me over the UI/UX, I'm primarily a backend dev...but it'll definitely improve by 100% Launch)
AND ONE LAST THING....I don't have a good name for it yet so..there's that..
THANKS!23 -
I am currently learning angular.js and in index.html I call two different controller files. I have spent the last 5 hours of my life looking for the error when the issue was that when I opened the script tag I didn't notice that type="controller.js" instead of src="controller.js" because of auto finish please kill me now for this terrible mistake that has almost annoyed the fuck out of me and forced me to walk away from my computer on multiple occasions to try and figure out the issue6
-
Today I was debugging some shitty code left by unknown developer whos linkedin account is dead and phone number left in contact card calls local pizza house.
I knew it qould be hard so i've made myself comfortable, gathered 5 redbulls and other items that diabetes people would kill for eating again.
After around 10 minutes i was already frustrated but i kept the pace. "Who is the best, little devie, you!" - I fooled my ego to keep up and shut up.
After around 10 next minutes my attention span has ended. Limbic system started injecting some hormones into my brain, but I remained silent.
First two energy shots were applied. I felt like hero again. Two minutes after I was debugging through some library that was written fo java and found out that it ahots some natives to a c lang lib called "mypreciouslib".
Oh flock, how can i debug it if ita compiled , I cannot do such things, Me be only junior dev. I started swearing, but silently.
Started ollydbg to see what is inside livrary, i searched through but i couldnt match anything it was like mess stirred with fecals of an elephant.
So I opened aida pro " with vitamins" cause obviously, our pm says "but you write in java right " so we dont need those tools right ? Fuck no.
Aida was better at least i could find some funcions calls, but hey, the progress. I was swearing out loud, with earplugs in. And by the time I've sweared all the things in company i got a reminder.
"Hey -insane- stop swearing, the children are here."-sayys pm, it is some kind of " family and work " shitfuck day.
So i asked them: " why wouldnt you buy this fucking tools for programmming for us , you wouldnt have to hear me fucking swearing" . then i realized that , colleagues in room heard all of it, and one of them, total fuckface buttlicker(dev without bit of knowledge) started something like "you are wrong, see how good our software is sellling". Pm was like smiling like he thanked him for buttlicking again. Not to mention he is officially retarded and i know his password to all our services cause he is so smart to put it into text file and then have sharing files in windows turned on.
The other one told aloud, that we would be much better with some debugging tools that are better than fucking eclipse if we have to work without code.
PM told us that he will arrange a meeting. At that point I didnt care any longer. I just fired myself, fuck them.
Please saint Stallman give me hope and joy of programming from my teenage years. Uhhh..2 -
So.. I'm giving one of my employers webapps a visual refresher, new company branding and whatnot.
And then I stumbled onto a check that is not returning what anybody expects, and, well , I'm busy fixing things, yeah..? so I go digging.. 🤔
```
function isDefined(obj) {
return !(typeof obj === "undefined") || obj !== null;
}
```
Here's the fun part, these particular lines have been in the code base since before 2017, which is when my Git history starts, because that's when we migrated projects from Visual SourceSafe 6 over to Git. Yes, you read that right. They were still using VSS in 2017.
I've begged and pleaded with my last 3 bosses to let us thrown this piece of shit out our second story window and rewrite it properly. But no, we don't have time to rewrite, so we must fix what we have instead.
I lost 4 hours of my life earlier today, tracking down another error that has been silently swallowed by a handler with its "console.log" call commented out, only to find that it's always been like that, and it's an "expected error". 🤦
Please, just fucking kill me now... I just, I can't deal with this shit anymore.5 -
And here's that app.css single file that my predecessor left for entire project. It's the second work he left a treat for me.
Kill me please.
Btw the code looks like it's been written by a second grade kid...
4 -
So, finally I can rant after a while.
After I stopped helping people coding online few months ago, because I was getting literally spammed 24/7 by everyones shitty multi-million dollar ideas, I introduced few of my classmates in to coding. Now, after ~6 months, I am spammed by my classmates by their awesome programming ideas which are too hard for them but they are sure its gonna be awesome. The difference is, that I cant say "FUCK OFF AND STOP SPAMMING MY INBOX WITH YOUR FUCKING IDEAS" to my friends and block them. Please fucking kill me. Once more someone will start messaging me their fucking idea
-like this
-in
-separate
-messages instead
-of writing one
-long and propper
-message
I am gonna swim with a toaster. 😡3 -
So I spent over 200 hours recovering a raid array because the the business that hired the company I work for tried to do all the work in house. Now I'm to the point of trying to quote a new server setup to the company because the last one got hit by lightning. My quote $8000-$20000 in just hardware alone. If im going to do this I want to do it right. Twin servers running xenserver holding virtual machines with a high-quality Nas to hold the virtual machine. Then have the vm's being imaged to two off site backup devices in two different locations and a cloud backup. My boss comes in after me talks to the guy in charge and tells him all that is needed is one server holding all storage on it just like the last server that died and one off-site backup for $4500. How stupid can someone be who has been doing this for over 20 years? Oh btw the software running on this server will be 911 dispatch, jail records and the database for fine payments. The sheriff making the final call me and my boss are meeting with him tomorrow if my boss tries to undercut me I'm going to tell them both that if the same shit happens next time they can spend the time themselves trying to recover stuff because I done the over 200 hours in just short of two weeks.11
-
Today is release day
Today is also the day we add couple of features for the release that will take a week to implement
Life is just won-fuck-erful -
Rant rant rant!
Le me subscribe to website to buy something.
Le register, email arrives immediately.
*please not my password as clear text, please not my password as clear text *
Dear customer your password is: ***
You dense motherfucker, you special bread of idiotic asshole its frigging 2017 and you send your customer password in an email!???
They frigging even have a nice banner in their website stating that they protect their customer with 128bit cryptography (sigh)
Protect me from your brain the size of a dried pea.
Le me calm down, search for a way to delete his profile. Nope no way.
Search for another shop that sells the good, nope.
Try to change my info: nope you can only change your gender...
Get mad, modify the html and send a tampered form: it submits... And fail because of a calculation on my fiscal code.
I wanna die, raise as a zombie find the developers of that website kill them and then discard their heads because not even an hungry zombie would use that brains for something.1 -
FML I am an idiot.. might end up in a rant here (well deserved!!) //if you are here reading this I'm so sorry again!!
I wrote to our support I need DP/HDMI cable.. they asked me to take a pic of the cable I'm currently using.. WTF?! Don't you know how connectors look?! Just get me the damn cable.. :/
Ok.. Took a picture.. sent it back.. At that time I still didn't see the problem with what I wrote/demanded..
Got back reply this is not HDMI connector... FML, I was so convinced computer had HDMI ports so even when I took the pic I wasn't paying attention.. Fuck.
And before when I was switching cables behind the computer below desk I was just blindly feeling around, it didn't even occurr to me to actually check what connectors are used..just knew both monitors had the same connector (and not aure why I thought HDMI :/)...so yeah, I'm the idiot who is not paying attention to stuff.. Fuck.. Was on a scavanger hunt for a wrong type of cable the whole time.. Sorry again!! And please don't kill me next time you see me.. o.O1 -
Follow up to previous rant:
Now after I realised that I'm a stupid motherfucker, today was release day. Or so it was planned.
Because turned out my colleagues/supervisors didn't tell me to test the app on Android 6 devices and I was sure that if it ran on the device they gave me (which I assumed was the only device of our clients) it'd be sufficient.
Now it was tested on an android 6 device and crashed constantly.
Wow... I mean... Just wow... Now because I don't have a working android 6 device (a colleague of mine is on vacation and locked our development devices for a different app into a drawer) I have to get the emulator working which took me about 2 hours because that dumb shit face of a laptop first didn't have the android-sdk-root set (took me a good hour to realise) and then the kernel for the avds was missing.
Also: windows updates.
FUUUUUUUUUUUU....
(PS: yeah I should have tested it on various devices and made sure it worked on at least most of them without being told so. Another example for my stupidity.)
EDIT: Now I don't have enough disc space for the kernel I need to install. Absofuckingfantastic1 -
Guys kill me please...
WE USE CLEARCASE AND ANT
Because git and maven are still under evaluation....
Am I working for the wrong company?5 -
First modem : can't connect to the internet
Second modem : can't activate the wifi
Third modem : can't connect to the internet
Please kill me2 -
My family members don’t seem to understand that you can attach multiple photos to an email, so they send them one by one, even if that means 10 emails 🙄2
-
When you work on a web design by a graphic designer, expect to see 12px used for article paragraphs and 9px for navs... And of course, decimal pixels and asymmetric layouts that don't fit in any grid systems... On top of that, layers and layers and clipping masks and all the weird stuff in Illustrator...8
-
Some of yall really need to learn git and learn how to communicate with other people and fucking be considerate human beings who are not fucking all leaches off society but goddamnit we can’t have nice things. All it’s gotta be is ruthless assholes in this industry I’m fucking so done I hate everyone in dev and I want out I FUCKING WANT OUT PLEASE GOD KILL ME7
-
Of course, I just swiped the wrong way on my fucking laptop trackpad and list everything I just typed. FUCKING MARVELOUS.
TL;DR: Teacher stopped me from being productive. Principal almost called cops on me. Nearly threw chair at librarian.
So I'm at school yesterday, and we have a presenter in 2nd hour, so naturally, I'm gonna be on my computer doing things for other classes at the same time. Efficiency. Teacher doesn't like it, I refuse to put the computer away telling her that I'll be more productive and still pay attention, which HAS BEEN PROVEN MIND YOU, but she ends up calling security on me and I get sent down to the principal's office.
I talk to him, and he says 'Yeah, I know it's in the way, but you have to follow the directive given by the teachers.' Fine, fuck it. Won't go to her class for third hour. (I have her twice in a row for two different classes.) Next day.
I walk in, asking her if she's gonna do the same thing she did yesterday, hoping that she realized her error and will fix it, but no. She says I STILL can't have the computer out. I'm sorry, do you not realize I have 6 other fucking classes, most of which are required to graduate, unlike YOURS, as well as a FUCKING COLLEGE CLASS TONIGHT?! She gives the ultimatum. 'Obey or leave.' Fine, I'll leave. I go to the principal's office again, he must have a stick up his ass or something today because he's not budging. We argue for a while and he gives a WORSE ultimatum: 'Obey, Go to the Library, In House Suspension, or I'll call the police.' What the actual FUCK MAN?! You're gonna call the POLICE on a NONVIOLENT STUDENT?! Are you fucking MAD? I keep trying to tell him that there's an easy solution to this, but as he's getting up to call the cops, I say 'Fine! I'll go to the library!' He follows me over to make sure I don't kill anyone on the way.
I slam the door to the library open, and when I walk in, the librarian is there at her computer, and she asks 'Where are you coming from?' 'Principal!' 'I need a pass-' 'Well, I'm sorry, I can't exactly get anything for you right now, I was just sent down here.' She says 'Either way, I need some kind of note or pas-' 'Listen, I'm not in the mood for any of this right now. Please, just leave me be.' She then tries to say something, but I cut her off quickly, 'Just back off and leave me alone right now. The more you push it, the more you're gonna make me want to throw this chair!' Imagine the volume just gradually getting louder on that last one. She quickly runs out and talks to the security desk or something, which is right outside the library door, but she's the only one who comes in, thankfully. I was expecting to be fucking dragged out for no good reason. I'm loud, not violent. I have no history of violence.
So yeah. Here I am in the school library, angrily tapping away at my keyboard, trying not to throw the entire table to the fucking moon. All because this broken-ass public school system has no idea how to deviate from the norm when it's actually productive and efficient to do so. And now, the obligatory:
FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT WHY DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE COMPLETELY WRONG IN EVERY SINGLE THING YOU ARE DOING YOU IDIOTIC SCUM-FILLED MEAT SACKS OF NO FORSEEABLE VALUE! FUCK!1 -
Sometimes just I hate school.
While my gf had to take 2 "Leistungskurse" ("advanced courses"), I have to take 3.
Also, our little-country-side school doesn't offer IT-class as a Leistungskurs. So besides Math, I need 2 extra courses I am super-not interested in. I chose English since it's okay (but I'm not really good either) and ( ._.) chemistry. I had a good teacher in 10th grade but now I have this teacher who
- uses 1980 material
- explains not/bad most times
- is childish as fuck (we are 17-18 y/o)
- expects too much (we need to learn everything by heart)
- throws ugly, unorganized prints at us w/o context & explaination
and I could name more. My A-levels are going to be so fucking bad. Tuesday is my chemistry exam. Kill me, please......4 -
Fuck my internet connection. I really dont get it, sometimes it works fine and I can download small files while using skype without any problem and the other day, without any apparent reason, I always get kicked out of online games, Websites take ages to load and teamspeak audio cuts out. What the fuck, I even closed everything that might take up the smallest amout of bandwidth. It fucking ruins my night to the point where I want to run through my computer setup with an axe.11
-
"Please move the logo left. The text goes a bit under."
Do you guys think people realize how unclear they are, and are just too fucking lazy to write the full spec? Or are they just so fucking stupid they don't realize I literally have no fucking clue what to do exactly with comments like these?
I guess Hanlon's razor applies here, but some days I just don't know...
Happy Friday! ☠️3 -
Someone please kill me.
I'm sick of myself.
A few days ago in the prize distribution for a past coding contest, I denied my prize and eventually accepted after fucking around a bit.
Now since two days, I'm straight forward wasting my time. My grades are going down exponentially and I'm involving neither in CUDA (which a started just a while ago) nor I'm getting into studies and even getting in competitive coding.... Fuck me!!!!!! -
I swear on the Almighty nature, I fucking hate Browser compatibility.
Passing php data via JSON encode. Works superfine on Firefox and Android mobile browser doesn't on Chrome. Fucking shit. Been sitting for 13 hours and gave up. FFuuuuuuck !!!!
Form submission via ajax and it again works on Firefox but doesn't on Chrome. I just can't understand, my mind is fucked by all the angels in heaven. Data gets submitted, the form is reset but the function called to refresh the JSON data doesn't work.
Someone please kill me or I swear I will fucking kill everybody.4 -
I'm living it.
I started an internship at this web store made of different pieces and following no apparent rule or convention. They asked me to do this landing page, but I can't access to the development environment, nor push, create a docker, kill myself, nothing. I have to build from the DOM and write with inline style a page copied and pasted, with 300 lines of CSS already in the tpl, overwritten bootstrap 3 and two main CSS files linked. And "they don't do !important".
I wish I could say I'm learning a lot, but not. My life has become a waste of hours trying to please a company stuck and aged. -
*sends email to ops manager to explain nuget & git (yes, he is THAT guy)
*his reply "what's nuget?"
Ooooooooh! Why don't you open Google and do a fucking search you amazingly stupid twat!!! In what fucking era do you live in? What the fuck are you doing at work everyday, besides complaining about how time consuming your useless mundane tasks are? Take some of your undeserved salary and go educate yourself, you useless sack of shit! FUCK!
*meanwhile... Little grin on my face. *Shift+delete email.1 -
Jit guy who is onboarding me talks slow, stutters(only in English) and talks 3x fucking times than-repeats sentences, tries to talk about things he does not know and ends with “I don’t remember/know it now”. Someone kill me please. I am too soft against these types, how can I say you are talking too much etc politely? It is like he feels lonely in corona times and wants to “onboard” me whenever possible...
Note: jit guy is the guy who pronounces Git as jit from my old rant.8 -
Call me an idiot... Yesterday I just installed Arch Linux. Guess what happened?
I formatted my fedora-drive and then noticed I destroyed my bootloader. Please just kill me😫 Anyone had such problems too and maybe could give me some advice how to fix?5 -
Refactoring/cleaning old code.. Found this gem:
$hour = substr($obj->hour, 0, - 3);
Turns out, hour was saved in the database as a TIME field(DATE was saved in another column) , and the previous genius dev was trying to output time in a H:i format...
No wonder php has such a bad reputation...2 -
Just passed 2 to 3 hours learning how to model a chair when I was almost at the end my pc shutdown randomly, I lost everything... Thank you life.3
-
Scenario after sending a build to QA:
(Monday)
Me: How's the build? did that app worked?
.
.
.
.
.
(here come's friday)
QA: The app didnt work on this part and there some bugs there, and please add this another module.
Me: okay ill fix that..when do you need it?
QA: today
Me: (just kill me)3 -
A few minutes ago, I was going crazy over a bug caused due to data mutation in Rails.
Basically, user1 was creating a post record and it's stored in the database normally however, on page reload for a second user, user2, the post (that user1 created) was update to belong to user2. This is because, on page reloads, I was using `<<` method call to append user2 and user1 posts together! Apparently, `<<` not only mutates the array, it also performs a database update.
Kill me please!!
Also, data immutability seems a more reasonable feature in languages now.1 -
The joy when tools do not have machine parseable output.
I'm looking at you SBT. My favorite pile of poo.
Remove the logging level from each line, then trim the line, then stab around inside the line with regexes, fishing for a possible match which hopefully is right...
Then stripping scala information like the object type, cause yeah...
A line can be for example "[info] Vector(File(...),File(...))" where info is the log level, Vector the wrapping sequence type, File(...) the wrapping element type and the string inside File(...) what yours truly needs.
As this is lot of shitty shabby string stabby stabby, we need to add a fuckton of boiler plate validation cause who knows what we just murdered.
To make it even more fucked up, a multi project project can produce different output for the same key.
:-)
Yeah. So we need to fix that too.
By the way, one can set log output to unbuffered in SBT.
Then the output is in random order :-)
Isn't that fun? Come on, you wanna poke that pile of shit, too.
The SBT plugin way is by the way no alternative, as I need a full Java environment for execution.
Which brings me to the last point:
For fucks sake, writing CLI applications in Java is so much bloody boilerplate code.
There's ugly and then there's the "please kill me" kind of level.
50 lines just to write a basic validation of argc / argv with commons cli.
That's 6 lines in python. Not kidding. :(
I currently hate everything.
Moments where the job sucks: When you have to hotwire two electric cables with high currency by giving both cables the blowjob of your life.3 -
Sooo... The ways my coworker fucks me:
Last week I have been working on setting up aWireGuard VPN server... Been trying for 4 FUCKING DAYS, the easiest VPN that has ever existed, 2 commands and that's it, I wasn't able to reach it, I checked every forum, tested every possible solution without success, checking ubuntu firewall but it was inactive... Nothing that should cause this. Why? 2 weeks ago we had a security breach and my coworker added a firewall from the cloud console with basic rules allowing only 3 ports, the port I was communicating with was blocked. He didn't bother to mention that he added an external firewall. And the junior me, not wanting to be a pain in the ass, and since that security breach wasn't my responsibility to fix, I didn't ask too many questions, just read the emails going back and forth and "learning" how to deal with that. Kill me please. Next mont a new guy is joining, we had a "quick meeting" of 30 minutes and he managed to make it 2 hours meeting. So a partner who lacks communication and a partner who talks a lot... Will be fun. And I probably should change my username... Is that even possible? @root?10 -
Me installing software:
>Downloads installer
>Runs installer
>"Software installed, must reboot"
>Reboots computer
>Opens program
>"Not the latest version, must update"
>Uhm, ok then
>Click ok
>Update dialogue pops up
>Click next
>"Program is already open, please close program"
>Ok Fu
>Closes program
>Commences update
>"Update complete, must reboot"
Please kill me3 -
I have been working on this React project for more than a month, I just discovered the "defaultValue" attribute for a field. Please kill me.3
-
Another reason to hate Java
It seems that Java is immune to OR 1=1, because of course, 1.0 is not the same as 1.0;
4 -
When your IT VP starts speaking blasphemy:
"Team,
We all know what’s going on with the API. Next week we may see 6x order volumes.
We need to do everything possible to minimize the load on our prod database server.
Here are some guidelines we’re implementing immediately:
· I’m revoking most direct production SQL access. (even read only). You should be running analysis queries and data pulls out of the replication server anyway.
· No User Management activities are allowed between 9AM and 9PM EST. If you’re going to run a large amount of updates, please coordinate with a DBA to have someone monitoring.
· No checklist setup/maintenance activities are allowed at all. If this causes business impact please let me know.
· If you see are doing anything in [App Name] that’s running long, kill it and get a DBA involved.
Please keep the communication level high and stay vigilant in protecting our prod environment!"
RIP most of what I do at work.3 -
At this point of my side project I wanted to check out openresty for dynamic proxy creation in nginx.
Happy to check it out I installed centos 7 as guest using new command I just learned virt-builder that would automate vm creation.
Spend 10 hours debugging why I can ping and ssh but cannot get to application port from any network.
Checked iptables, restarted network, reinstalled vm again 3 times with different methods.
Scrolled trough whole internet and it’s mostly outdated problems.
Learned bunch of new commands without new results.
Results were always the same:
No route to host.
Turned out firewalld is fucking thing now.
systemctl firewalld stop helped
Now I know that systemd would kill me at some point for sure.
What I can add at this point ?
Please add more distros, differences, standards and programming languages so world definitely would be better place.
I need a short break now to actually start making shit that I wanted to start at 4-5pm on Saturday.
It’s Sunday 3:30am and time for breakfast.
At least I am happy it started working.2 -
For the past one week I have been getting late for work due to this fucking traffic. This shit sucks. And I am stuck solving shitty bugs in a fuckghetti code. I feel burnt out as fuck and now I have to work Saturday as well.
-
Client:' I think that one email account is sending some spam emails. Can you make some checks?'
Server:'Queued emails:730511...please kill me'3 -
Between android studio and Unity, which one si better to make a adventure text game? Why? (i'm learning, dont kill me please)8
-
My new passion in life is to spend a whole morning trying to figure out why I can't create a thumbnail with node-imagemagick, only to discover that I forgot an 's' to the output directory.
FUCK. ME.2 -
There is no joy in life
So I finally managed to set up networking on my 3D printer's raspberry pi: now it can connect to my phone's hotspot or to my uni's wifi network, depending on which is available.
Then I set up OpenVPN, using a remote server as a middleman so I can connect to the printer remotely and start/stop/monitor prints from anywhere.
Everything works great, except for one thing: whenever the Pi connects to the uni's network first, OpenVPN fails to start and connect to my server, rendering the printer unavailable (unless I use an ethernet cable, but that's not a viable operation since I need to lift the printer, and it's heavy).
The only for it to work as intended is to either:
a) keep my hotspot active (which kinda defeats the point), or
b) let it connect to my hotspot first (so that OpenVPN can start properly) and then turn off the hotspot, allowing the printer to reconnect to the uni's wifi and reconnect to my vpn.
Why won't things just work the way they're supposed to? 😭10 -
Had been trying to get the latest build rolled out for the past 3 days. Every morning, I wake up around 6am, drink a nice cup of coffee, while listening to Ariana Grande (I don't know why, but for some reason, she randomly started coming on my playlist a lot) and start rolling out, and sure enough new errors start spiking, ultimately rollback.
Conclusion: don't listen to Ariana Grande when rolling out to production! 🤔 -
After a week of working days of testing and development, the new feature finally finished. But my boss wasn't satisfied with the flow so he sent a revision.
After finished with revision, he still not satisfied with it and then sent another revision. This happened 3 times in a week after completing task before any revision and this week comes the fourth with some vague businesses flow. I feel like I don't have value anymore in this company.1 -
EOS is pissing me THE FUCK OFF. So is my drama teacher. Shit keeps crashing, she keeps deleting all my fucking work, and people REFUSE TO STAY STILL while I try and light them. For FUCKS SAKE!1
-
I hate the elasticsearch backup api.
From beginning to end it's an painful experience.
I try to explain it, but I don't think I will be able to cover it all.
The core concept is:
- repository (storage for snapshots)
- snapshots (actual backup)
The first design flaw is that every backup in an repository is incremental. ES creates an incremental filesystem tree.
Some reasons why this is a bad idea:
- deletion of (older) backups is slow, as newer backups need to be checked for integrity
- you simply have to trust ES that it does the right thing (given the bugs it has... It seems like a very bad idea TM)
- you have no possibility of verification of snapshots
Workaround... Create many repositories as each new repository forces an full backup.........
The second thing: ES scales. Many nodes / es instances form a cluster.
Usually backup APIs incorporate these in their design. ES does not.
If an index spans 12 nodes and u use an network storage, yes: a maximum of 12 nodes will open an eg NFS connection and start backuping.
It might sound not so bad with 12 nodes and one index...
But it get's pretty bad with 100s of indexes and several dozen nodes...
And there is no real limiting in ES. You can plug a few holes, but all in all, when you don't plan carefully your backups, you'll get a pretty f*cked up network congestion.
So traffic shaping must be manually added. Yay...
The last thing is the API itself.
It's a... very fragile thing.
Especially in older ES releases, the documentation is like handing you a flex instead of toilet paper for a wipe.
Documentation != API != Reality.
Especially the fault handling left me more than once speechless...
Eg:
/_snapshot/storage/backup
gives you a state PARTIAL
/_snapshot/storage/backup/_status
gives you a state SUCCESS
Why? The first one is blocking and refers to the backup status itself. The second one shouldn't be blocking and refers to the backup operation.
And yes. The backup operation state is SUCCESS, while the backup state might be PARTIAL (hence no full backup was made, there were errors).
So we have now an additional API that we query that then wraps the API of elasticsearch. With all these shiny scary workarounds like polling, since some APIs are blocking which might lead to a gateway timeout...
Gateway timeout? Yes. Since some operations can run a LONG (multiple hours) time and you don't want to have a ton of open connections hogging resources... You let the loadbalancer kill it. Most operations simply run in ES in the background, while the connection was killed.
So much joy and fun, isn't it?
Now add the latest SMR scandal and a few faulty (as in SMR instead of CMD) hdds in a hundred terabyte ZFS pool and you'll get my frustration level.
PS: The cluster has several dozen terabyte and a lot od nodes. If you have good advice, you're welcome - but please think carefully about this fact.
I might have accidentially vaporized people sending me links with solutions that don't work on large scale TM.2 -
So remember when we said 1.1 would be the last release, and then we said that 1.2 would be the absolute last we promise this time release?
Well buckle up buckaroos because 1.3 will be the last release. -
The overwhelming annoyance when you figure out that the thing that's been causing your code issues for the past 3 hours....
Is because you did a greater than comparison rather than a great than or equal to...1 -
It took me an hour to process when a client wanted icons for sitemap. By icons for sitemap she ment social media icons... kill me please
-
The Berlin rental market is so bad that I have to spend my long weekend figuring out how to write a bot to send applications for me.. (or keep hitting F5 all day and still be too late)5
-
I'm working again with blue prism on a very very old SAP website. A hundred thousand nested iframes with a hundred thousand nested tables.
Please kill me, I long for the sweet embrace of death5 -
What fresh hell is this ??????
I lost my earbuds TWICE within 2 weeks !!!!
I swear I had em last night when I put em in pouch , and now I see only 1 earbud.
|-_-|-_-| FUCK MY LIFE |-_-|-_-|
Rent me an earbud or kill me, PLEASE
It saddens me to think I'll not fulfill my endorphins quota today :(
The only enjoyment I have in my life is gymming to heavy bass, the endorphins keep me alive, everything else in life is shit right now : unhappy job, stress from GRE prep, no gf, staying away from family1 -
Why do I always get attached to dead/dying platforms 😖😫😭
I mean, I got the PSP Go a mere year before devs dropped support. (Still awesome for emulation because of the physical buttons)
I was really interested in windows phone for a while that I almost bit the bullet and bought it.(you obviously know what happened to the beloved windows phone platform)
And now suddenly a blackberry passport video pops up on my YouTube recommended feed and now I really want one.
The problem is the lack of apps, I was hopeful because it supported android runtime.
Then my hopes were crushed after I knew that its based off KitKat.
Which means one of my favorite apps doesn't work there (my beloved termux, I get a boner whenever I think about using it with an actual keyboard 😂)
Should i just bite the bullet? I'm too broke and that 200$ is kinda of a major purchase for me (I'm 17 in a third world country, so the piggy bank is empty AF)
God, why do I always get introduced to platforms too late...
6 -
My first job was through a technology "Graduate Training Program" at a large bank. We were sold on the job being told that there would be a month of corporate training before getting to work. You know, stuff like presentation skills and Myers Briggs and actual useful stuff. And yeah, they did have that for like two days of the month.
The rest was the most bullshit work to basically kiss-ass to upper management. Having to analyze their commercials and explain how amazing they were and why (they sucked). Explaining a portion of the business to upper management.. you know- the business they knew because they are executives in it- but it had to be "fun". We were stuck making board games and rap songs to these things to make an ass of ourselves in front of executives.
Then after that I was stuck working on VB6 programming with a Cobol mainframe backend. So fucking awful. -
Guys, i'm so sad and laughing too cause i losed my GitHub account. I tried to recover but... i don't have the old OS where i had the SSH key so i can not authenticate myself as the owner, don't have the 2FA on my new mobile because i'm dumb and... i don't had the recovery codes... please, kill me...
The good news, i can make another account with the same e-mail.2 -
I don't know why you expect your website to be done in a month when you can't even fucking decide what it should be.
I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND ASSHOLE.
Don't tell me that I did it wrong or it doesn't look right when you said that you wanted it like that.
I wasn't hired as a web developer, I've done high voltage electrical work, machinist work and repair of the shit you can't even take care of. All for 15usd a hour. If they don't keep their promise to bump the pay....1 -
Another dev concept butchered by business people:
BDD, but does not integrate into any tests, uses arbitrary language and format, covers only happy path...
Kill me now, please1 -
Oh man I sure do love having three separate code generators in one project with some additional hand written versions of the data containers so that every time the system engineers decide we need to change something about a data structure I have to update 1-3 hand written mapping functions. (Kill me please)4
-
!dev
Nothing is a dream.
My very first step, as I left the staircase, was on a plate. A loud click made my instincts tick, pushing me to blindly roll forwards.
Before I even had the time to process, that I had just evaded being burnt alive by a wall of flames, the rumblings of another mechanism made my heart accelerate yet again.
Five iron spikes descended uppon me, scratching my cloak, but no more. Twice I was lucky...
But three doors: one behind me, two to my left and right. The ones at my sides spring open with a loud crack, and four terrors pour out, seeking to flay me alive and wear my skin.
I slash at them with my bloody falchion, walking backwards, seeking to escape through the remaining door. Primal fear runs through my spine as I realize: it's barred from the other side!
Burning through my mana, I manage to unlock the door, and quickly close it behind me... but the terrors do not abandon the chase. With inhuman strength, they pound on the door, while desperately crying out for my blood.
I try to escape to the next room... another locked door. There must be another way! There has to, or I'm as well as dead...
What's this, in the corner, among cobwebs? A handle... and a secret passageway, that I can close from the other side! Magnificent!
Another flight of stairs takes me deeper into the tomb. I find an oil lamp, suspiciously well-maintained. Someone has been here recently...
I marvel at the macabre carvings on the wall, depicting scenes from when immortal tyrants ruled the earth. Haven't I seen these before... ?
No matter, I must focus. I was instructed to find an artefact hidden within this acursed place, that I may use for the purification ritual -- there is only one way, so onwards.
An old wooden gate, with a broken bronze knob. Soon as I put my hand on it, it opens inwards...
Eyes black like diamonds, she awaited me inside.
I had never been, simultaneously, just as terrified as enraptured. Day and night, her voice still reverberates inside my mind. And even as I lay dead, her inescapable gaze still clutches the very bottom of my heart.
"Did you come for me?" she asked, smiling, opening up her arms, so that I may fall into her sweet, loving embrace.
"Yes" I whispered as I walked towards her, enthralled.
In a bout of deranged ecstasy, she drank every last drop of my blood. But then... she cried, cuddling my remains.
"No... no, no, NO!" her screams tore apart her very soul "I killed my son... I KILLED MY SON!"
Oh, mother...
Don't cry mother
it hurts no more.
Now I live again.
And I forgive you.
Because I loved you,
as ashamed as I am to admit,
the very moment I saw your eyes,
I loved you.
"I was imprisoned here, so that I may not harm anyone else" she muttered, tears in her eyes "I cannot stop myself -- I am cursed"
Do not ask of me, that I end your suffering.
How could I?
If there is no cure...
"Please, my love... " she begged "kill me... "
No... I can't...
I can't bear either weight
for the rest of this wretched eternity!
How could I take your life?
But how could I leave you to suffer?!
"Now we'll be together... " she smiled, as I raised the falchion.
"Forevermore" I wept, before bringing it down.
***
Nothing is a dream.
Somber, I returned to the Santuary, having fulfilled my mission.
But looking uppon the bone mask I donned, obscuring my eyes, the Matriarch knew that I had been... changed.
I felt no remorse as I slaughtered the witch that doomed my beloved, right on her own altar to heresy. She earned as much.
Her guards, however, I could not defeat.
But that doesn't matter;
deep inside, I was already dead.
And behind the mask,
the whole way through,
I had shed tears without pause.
"Now we'll be together... " I prayed to the nightsky, as silver blades punctured my thorax.
"Forevermore" her sweet voice replied.
*** -
Hotel Vim
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Vim
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
"Please bring me my wine"
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine"
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel Vim
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "1 -
write simple working code with some duplicated code (less than 10 lines) and have compile time safety , NAH
write more complicated code you have to spend time fixing thanks to PR feedback -
don't you just love it when you have to fix a system that consists on unnecessary junk code, horrible/lack of indentation, no documentation and the clients says "I don't know what happened fix it and I'll post you good"
I mean, I live for this shit man! -
Trying to get a multi container setup using nginx (also in a docker container) to work with web sockets. There's a chance that the load balancer will also cause issues later. And the front end uses nuxt, which will probably also cause issues once we turn server side rendering on as well.
This is not really something I've studied deeply before.
I'm not having fun.1 -
Today one of the user complained me that my account has been hacked and someone is using it. I asked how can you say that then he replied "Whenever I hit enter after typing the password, its getting extended !"
I was like - "Please kill me!"2 -
Some time ago, I gave a tutorial and wrote page with some brief instructions for configuring and start using git for a team of researchers. A few day later I came back to check how they were doing and I found that following my instructions, several people were committing as:
John Doe <john.doe@example.com>
Perfect! I don't think that there is anything else I can do to help them. -
Yesterday's was fucking stupid.
It all begins with a fucking online clothes shop that "cancelled" my order from a week ago because "PayPal detected strange account movements". I logged into my PP Account and no notice or whatsoever of that.
Then they tell me I'll have to wait around for ~30 days to get my money back. Are you fucking damn serious? First you delay my fucking order a week then you cancel it without contacting me to "reassure" I put the order and then you say that I'll have my money back on 30 days? Fuck you.
Thereafter, I was going to buy a new phone, which two weeks ago I already went to request a quotation and they told me I was ready to go with paying 50% off.
Well... fuck me, because I went yesterday and they told me that I couldn't get the phone becase "The system says you already have three lines with our company, and all of those have money due" What? Fucking shit, I went two weeks ago and everything was fine, and now this? I don't even have an account in that stupid company and now they tell me I have three with late payments?
FUCKING HELL!!
As if everything wasn't going bad already, I went off and said I'll come back today to see "if the system has been corrected", so I went to grab a burger at McDonalds that's on my way back home.
I make my order and the cashier is like "Hurr durr.. The card terminal doesn't work, do you have cash? If not, don't worry I can cancel the order and switch to the other station so i can charge you"
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I mean, come on dude! If you know that the shitty card terminal doesn't work and the station that it's fully functional it's literally three fucking steps next to you, WHY THE FUCKING FLYING FUCK ARE YOU USING THE WRONG ONE?
Then I wait for my order, that I saw they prepared and was ready like in 5 minutes, but the guy went and stood looking at the void. Then he realizes and begins to pick my food and set it up. He puts it on a tray and stands there, I stand there looking at him.
"My order was to go" I said... then he's like "Oh, yeah" and begins to pack.
Dude... the order is in the fucking screen, I said the cashier that It was to go... jesus.
Then I tell him "Can you put some sweet mustard packages?"
"Yeah" he says... but I looked away. When I arrived home, I opened the bag and... FUCKING HELL, NORMAL MUSTARD.
I told him twice, even said "please" and "thank you", but hell no, he had ONE JOB, and he didn't do it.
Seriously guys, stop this fucking mess, somebody call `kill` -
wasting time on trying to debug a flaky end to end test that flakes occasionally on a corner case a customer will likely never see because somebody else has a hard on for testing instead of working on something useful or that would make the company more money
the mere act of trying to debug the test, changing some timing or something means the corner case won't occur
please kill me1 -
Influxdb 2.0 and the according python client.
This is the stupidest pile of dogshit I have ever encountered. No documentation, no examples, not even for the most basic shit, im fucking done. This is nuts, working like a week on just getting a fucking connection and do some basic curd stuff.
"Id neets to be 16 Bytes long". Yeah, thanks. With Id, org, user, insurance Id?
Next time I gonna implement this bullshit in fucking assembly, so you can have your stupid 16 Bytes without any magic tricks.
FUCK -
Honestly, fuck my computer. I dual boot win10 and arch, and due to some work i had to do over on win10, its been 2-3months since i've booted back into linux. Today i decided to go update my stuff, turns out it wont even boot into to GUI. When i try to go in tty and upgrade everything with pacman, it gives me an error without even telling me whats the problem. Next i try to install it again to another hdd, doesnt work. Someone please kill me swiftly....9
-
What would be the best way to basically make a "visual poll" that takes clicks from users and calculates a "final score" for a website.
I've never really done something like this before...4 -
That feeling when you accept a simple project and when you almost done the client requirements escalate quickly. *crying*
-
Guys!! I'm stuck with a problem in an android app. I want to display video on a VideoViewer. What I really want is to test the software, to see if it can run and display several formats.
The thing is: when I start to play the video file (.mp4 or .3gp) just appears a popup saying "Can't play this video". I don't know what to do. StackOverflow doesn't really help with this, nor any tutorial that I found on Google.
Any tips for a Android newbie?
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