How programmers comment their code

A little bit of Lua in my life
A little bit of Java by my side
A little bit JS is all i need
A little bit of bash is what i see
A little bit of JSON in the sun
A little bit of Python all night long
A little bit of TCL here i am
A little bit of this makes me your dev

We all have our favourites

Suicide Linux

SO: " What is the best comment in source code you have ever encountered?"
Best One :

Keep backups in a safe place ;)

Speaking of bad dev days, what a week I'll be having.
Lead-dev: I've got some bad news for you.
Me: Client X?
Lead: Client X.
Me: How many pages do I have to change?
Lead: All of them.
Me: On how many of their websites?
Lead: All of them.
Me: All of them?
Lead: All. Of. Them.

Damn...

Oh yeah. Hey guys. 2 things.
First off. Forgot to say. Officially got a job. Finally. So thank you for all the help/advice and patience with my depressive rants!!

I'm in a new chapter of my life now so thanks.

And secondly.

I FUCKING HATE MY JOB

“Hybrid is the future, it’s faster to develop, more efficient and has no real downside or impact”

Don't tell them to run "rm -rf /" as root. That's too nice. There might be inodes left on the hard drive.

MAKE IT WORSE:

"cat /dev/zero > /dev/sda" as root.

LEAVE NOTHING.

!rant
Fun fact from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

The answer to all 42, is a * in ASCII.

When people talk about traveling to the past, they worry about changing the present by doing small things, but pretty much no one in the present thinks that they can change the future by doing something small.

This a good place for the sticker?

I can relate..

New rig up and running.

Why is it that every time I tell someone I code they instantly think I can hack into things like their phones. Then after that they never trust me with any electronic device.

Me: Hey can I use the toaster?

Them: No! Your just going to hack it.

This is funny.

Client: Can you do it?
Manager: We can do it! (to developer) Right?

When the client pays well

.titanic {
float: none;
}

idiot /ˈɪdɪət/

noun

A person that uses the “Reply All” button to tell everyone not to use the “Reply All” button when a corporate email is accidentally sent to all email users.

Productive day!

Rewrote an intern's feature and briefly explained how/why
Gave intern a choice of projects, and explained them
Removed two unused models, one unused route
Dried up two views into a partial
Redesigned said partial
Tested validation edge cases (ex: Jan 10nd, 101bc)
Fixed an api
Simplified three models
Added scheduling and platform restriction to a feature
Le wild bug appears: a user with negative xp!?
Wrote a migration to expand players' max xp to 2^64-1 because a certain legacy game gives it away like my ex-boss makes promises. Chewed at devs, but they're all long gone so :/
Won two games of pool
Browsed devRant

Busy day, and all of this while falling asleep! 😊
I'm quite proud of myself today.

Pulling an all nighter to finish up a project. Doesn't get any better than this.

School team ready for an all nighter

Leave no stone unturned.

With all this emoji code bullshit flying around in here.

I thought I would test my luck and make what I think would be the worst possible end result of this.

<?php
define("😂","God help me");
define("🤡",100);

for($🍔 = 0; $🍔 <= 🤡; $🍔++){
echo 😂."\n";
}
?>
This will execute and run on PHP7.1 😱

Now let’s all band together and kill emojicode before it becomes a thing we will regret!

Windows update guys again

Fuck in app browsers. They should be fucking banned, honestly.

Instagram, Gmail, Kik, any if you cunts that have browsers in your app... Go fuck yourself.

Can I please have your attention?

Fuck soap.

Thank you for your attention.

After a couple years as a developer I've learned that all those banking sites and cool online stores and apps are held together with old chewed gum, duck tape and that guys who has been in the office 48h straight and whose wife thinks he's dead.

ALRIGHT

WHAT FUCKING DUMBASS AT APPLE DECIDED THAT YOUR AIRPODS SHOULD PAIR WITH YOUR

CLOSED

FUCKING

MACBOOK

INSTEAD OF YOUR ACTIVELY SEARCHING IPHONE

PRODUCT MANAGERS ARE SHIT

DEVELOPERS ARE SHIT

THE WORST IS KNOWING THEY ALL EARN EASILY 6 FIGURES

AND ARE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE AT EVERYTHING

We don’t use the same technology we used 10 years ago but we have the same people holding office for 30+ years.

Check out this cool new feature. Double tap the image below. Only works on mobile.

< = >

Less is more.

The gift that keeps on giving... the Custom CMS Of Doom™
I've finally seen enough evidence why PHP has such a bad reputation to the point where even recruiters recommended me to remove my years of PHP experience from the CV.

The completely custom CMS written by company <redacted>'s CEO and his slaves features the following:
- Open for SQL injection attacks
- Remote shell command execution through URL query params
- Page-specific strings in most core PHP files
- Constructors containing hundreds of lines of code (mostly used to initialize the hundreds of properties
- Class methods containing more than 1000 lines of code
- Completely free of namespaces or package managers (uber elite programmers use only the root namespace)
- Random includes in any place imaginable
- Methods containing 1 line: the include of the file which contains the method body
- SQL queries in literally every source file
- The entrypoint script is in the webroot folder where all the code resides
- Access to sensitive folders is "restricted" by robots.txt 🤣🤣🤣🤣
- The CMS has its own crawler which runs by CRONjob and requests ALL HTML links (yes, full content, including videos!) to fill a database of keywords (I found out because the server traffic was >500 GB/month for this small website)
- Hundreds of config settings are literally defined by "define(...)"
- LESS is transpiled into CSS by PHP on requests
- .......

I could go on, but yes, I've seen it all now.

all the damn time

Me: *on the phone with client* "Ok, now reboot the cashier terminal"

Client: *reboots server causing whole system to go down*

Me: *internal screams*

Hi Dev Ranter,

My name is John Smith and I came accross to your resume on Linked In and I was very impressed. Would you be interested in a 5 min call?

Job Details:
Required skills (all expert levels): C#, JAVA, Clojure, C, PHP, Frontend, Backend, Agile, MVP, Baking, Redis, Apache, IIS, RoR, Angular, React, Vue, MySQL, MSSIS, MSSQL, ORACLE, PostgreSQL, Access, Python, Machine Learning, HTML, CSS, Fortran, C++, Game design, Book writing, PCI - Compliance
Salary: $15/Hours no benefits
Duration: 2 Months (possible extension, plus we can fire you at will)
Place: Remote (with work tracking software)
Hours: 5am - 1pm, 6pm - 11pm
Expect to work on weekends

You will be managing people as well as building applications that had to be running as of yesterday. Team culture is very toxic and no one cares about you.

We care about you though (as long as you deliver)

Looking forward to talk to you.

John Smith
Founder, CEO, Director of Staffing, Entrepeneur
Tech Staffers LLC ( link to a PNG posted on facebook)
Est. 2020

*oops I was programming all night

Consequences Associated with Burnout:

- sleep deprivation ✅
- change in eating habits ✅
- increased illness due to weakened immune system ✅
- difficulty concentrating and poor memory/attention ✅
- lack of productivity ✅
- poor performance ✅
- avoidance of responsibilities ✅
- loss of enjoyment ✅

Have I just been burnt out and living it as my norm for the past 5 years? 🤡

Sometimes the best solution is the simplest
But sometimes it takes 20 hours of debugging to figure that out
😧

Why does this feel incredibly familiar? 😂

Found devRant by pure chance, i'm so happy right now :'D

A Pidgey landed on my devRant stress ball...

All alone at work today. I'm glad I have Wilson to motivate me.

I got my first Linux server for Christmas! This is the first time I've actually used Linux and it's awesome and way less complicated than I thought it would be.

I went to bed early... Got a strange feeling the next morning... It felt like what other people describe as 'good'.

Teacher: "Now, how do you write a comment in python"

Student: "With a hashtag"

Uggg

German printing company's order form. Great example for how to make me NOT order there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"Show all nodes (9500 More)"

Translation: "Papier und Auflage" == "Paper type and amount"

I managed to re-negotiate my offer to reach the (accidentally) advertised range exceeding my original (realistic) expectations and this is in huge part thanks to the helpful bunch of you here.

So: Thank you!!

And I can't belive that in a single fucking day I benefitted more from posting to devrant than all the time spent on toxic subreddits, calling useless recruiters, forums and others. Here, even those comments that I disagreed with were phrased in a reasonable manner and they also helped me formulate an apparently very strong argument in the compensation meeting.

Feeling inspired :) I'm gonna finally start building my portfolio website tonight!

1.
!dev

Found a gray hair and plucked it. 😢 I'm too young for this shit. Whyyyyy oh god whyyyyy.

2.
Linux 5.8 has been breaking my shit. Like, keyboard and track pad stop working. Apparently, a fn key is to blame. Fixed it for now, but can Linux kernel fuck off? I can't have my system break so often. This is the third time I'm reverting or man handling the shit in the last two months.

3.
I need a good expensive fucking vacation. 😢 And a dedicated eye candy (gender doesn't apply) to keep in my line of sight. Maybe then I can recover.

4.
The last 7 days were an emotional rollercoaster. Specifically, from work perspective. I need many hugs. Like, real hugs. Also need good food. 😢

5.
Overall, I shouldn't be stressed but shit is not going great. 😭😭😭

iPhone X - It's all screen (when your internet is slow enough to display the page wrongly)

The entire reason I became a developer was so that I could one day build something that I can say has/had a handful of users, that I could build something that helped save someone's life, that helped someone in their time of need.

That reason was fulfilled when I built my only successful and proudest project during a cold night in 2011. I was 16 at the time, and here in South India, there was a major cyclone affecting a portion of our country (Chennai/Tamil Nadu). A lot of my family were in affected areas, and I didn't know what I could do being so far away (around 400kms/250mi away, in Bangalore).

I stayed up all night to build what was then known as ChennaiRains.org. It was a simple website, a directory and a safe house for everyone's information. Whoever needed help, whoever was ready to give help, whoever was volunteering their travel, their time. I didn't think it would help much. I just wanted to make a small difference.

Next morning, after the hangover of the all-nighter I pulled faded away, I see that the website went viral after a few shares on Twitter. The community was so supportive of my little project to help my family and friends. It caught a peak traffic of a million users overnight, no ads, no money made from this, I just earned the experience of a lifetime. It eventually helped a lot of people in need, connected a lot of volunteers and victims.

It has been the epitome of my life. It's the reason I still develop applications to-date, even if they are simple. Somewhere out there, someone needs it, and I want to be able to help to them :)

Allo hype train

@dfox maybe it's a good idea to make devRant available for splitscreen on phones :D

I think it's amazing to listen to my girlfriends ranting on whatsapp and scrolling through devRant at the same time! (double ranting)

You know. I have mixed feelings on the way people have been reacting to senzory's rant regarding the way he deals with clients. Some people believe that he is unethical, some people see it as just business(me included) but to see what the community says is somewhat interesting.

First, let me be clear on something: i have been fucked over by clients many times for being a nice guy and trying to play it nicely.

Because of this I am selective of who deserves good treatment and who gets to fuck off. But regardless of the client I do the same thing: regardless of who it is, nice or otherwise. If a project will take 1 week to complete then I tell them that it will take 3 to 4 weeks. Why? Well because I have many things on my plate, I am married and have two children, one lives with me and I try to spend as much time with them as I can. I work from 8 to 6, sometimes later and when I get home I sometimes don't do shit since at work I maintain the web services of 2 fucking college campuses.
I don't look for my clients. Through word of mouth they come to me. And being in a privileged position(there are about 5 devs here and they all suck) they can either do with my times and fees or can fuck off over the border where Pedro will do their shit on vbscript and classic ASP(which I like, but you know why this is not an option in 2018)

Apps can be sold for large quantities of money, regardless of what their use case is, if a company wants to outsource their apps to an external developer(such as yours truly) that means that they are willing to play the game. And that is what business is: a game, a survival game.

Where I live, a company will not think twice of firing a single mother for whatever reason. In the U.S of A, and specially in Texas, you can be fired for whatever reason. I have automated people's jobs without knowing it, I have made people lose their jobs and saved companies thousands with my apps. Things like that were not know to me, had I known that someone would have lost their jobs I would have tried differently.

If a company is willing to tell employees(loyal employees) to fuck off, then i do not regret charging what I do and hustling the way I do with rat faced dickheads that care not for people. If I could I would destroy entire companies here. But that is for another story.

I have been used, insulted, gambled with and have been lied to, to my face by these companies. Which has left me jaded.

Oh now, trust me. I am still highly optimistic and nice. And if someone has a small business and I can help them out, then I will lower my rate and give positive vibes in the hopes of making things better through karma. I want to see the best in people. But this does not stop me from being a shark and giving quotes the way I do.

Because companies, as an overall entity are not people with the best intentions(sometimes) and they will not take your kindness, they will take advantage if possible in an effort to save money. Its just dickhead business.

So why, as a professional and privileged developer that obtained his skills through intense study and practice, a wizard by all means, should lower to these nameless, Faceless entities?
Why should i give them the fairness they do not give others? Why should I play the high morale game and come out as a loser?

At the end of the day, I get to swim in my own pool of success, knowing that they did not get the chance to fuck me over

So if you tell me that you took advantage of your hard earned skillset, and built a cross platform app(which compiles to native binaries) and sold 2 products for one, I will tell you that you are an excellent player at their game. If you tell me that you finished before and got to charge for 2 weeks of work doing just 2 days I will say that you are an excellent time manager. And if you tell me that at the end of the day you managed to keep said customer I will tell you that you are a true professional.

There is a difference lads, in selling a product to big momma jamma's cajun restaurant, to the largest logistics company around.

Be nice to those that desserve it.

While working on my one of the first project in java i ended up using deprecated Calendar API for the date. Since deadline was near i thought it would be a good idea to use the JCalendar API for as date picker (which is a third party API).BAD IDEA. It was the night before the submission round about 11pm when i realized that there is no way to convert JCal object into Calendar and it turned out it is not working as expected you have to subtract a particular number from the year to get date right.

To convert JCal into Calendar i used the toString function to get the date in string sliced it using substring into year,month,day then had to assign date to Calendar object via constructor.
Had to write 70 lines of code just to convert JCal into Calendar...

And then there were other complications related to this problem. Had tu pull an all nighter just to solve date related problems
LESSONS LEARNED :
NEVER USE A DEPRECATED API
NEVER USE THIRD PARTY APIs WITHOUT RESEARCH

I don't want to work for people anymore :(

I have to stop being awake until 3 AM coding when I have to be at work at 6..

Fuck our new project manager.

Literally all she does in her time is schedule meetings for others and send us emails stating that X needs to be done by date or why are we delayed with Y. Then she even manages to completely screw us with the meetings she schedules.

Today I woke up to seeing a beautiful gapless column of colorful rectangles in my dairy.... for today. And last time I saw this Monday it only had 2.5 hours of meetings!!

Now a lot of us from our team had the Friday afternoon off so it may be that she did this beautiful piece of artwork during that time, in which case she could somewhat rightfully say that we should have taken a look at it. But we actually have a convention to only schedule planning meetings for Mondays which these fucking aren't and even if she hadn't known this, who the fuck schedules a ton of meetings to Monday?! from a Friday afternoon?!?!

By the way the new pretty pink and orange meetings I have today are about actually important topics in between which I would normally appreciate to grab a tea or at least use the fucking restroom. Officially I only have a 45 minute lunch break all day.

Oh and naturally she sets up the meetings as organiser so that we can only suggest her new times and can't change it on our own.

But naturally PM lady never actually attends the meetings because she wouldn't understand shit. So when my fav female colleague, Sammy and I joined our 11am meeting, the first thing Sammy said - well after I greeted her by "wtf" - is to just leave the call on while we grab brunch.

So here I am sitting in the close by park with my brunch and thought I could use the now extended lunch break time efficiently by ranting my ass of and asking you guys why the fuck such people like our PM get paid.

Every time I got a mandatory security question, I type in "go fuck yourself with a cactus". There's only one answer for all of them.

Maybe this is an actual bug. I filtered the rants bases on "top" and in the "All" tab. When I scrolled I found this

After two years... I finally was able to quit my job.
I'm finally in a cool job, with a great team, with a cool project (from scratch! )
I have to learn Spring and Vue.js, knowing that I never tried any framework of these languages. But I really want to make it, I didn't suffer for two years, just to be beaten by a stack :p

Thanks for the ones who commented on my rant a few months ago, telling me to keep hoping for a better job. I got hired three days after the end of my previous contract, and I couldn't feel better now!

FUCK YOU TUMBLR! I SPEND THE LAST 10 MINUTES UNCHECKING EVERY FUCKING THING AND YOU DON'T ALLOW ME TO TOUCH THE LAST ONE!?
Why is there no uncheck all- button 😤😭

What do you need a boss if you can find the idea, analyze it, design the product, code it, test it, setup the cloud and even do the marketing.

Dear bosses,

I am a developer not a God!

If you don't feel good enough with your programming skills, keep practicing but don't be sad, there are dogs all around the world that love you

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Wow ! What a milestone ! 1000++'s

Thanks everyone for this amazing community ! I really feel I'm part of something, I never got so involved in a community and it's awesome :D

Thanks to you all ! All the doggos for me now !

Perfect

sooooooooo for my current graduate class we were to use the MVC pattern to build an IOS application(they preferred it if we did an IOS application) or if you didn't have an Apple computer: an Android application.

The thing is, they specified to use Java, while in their lectures and demos they made a lot of points for other technologies, hybrid technologies, such as React Cordova, all that shit, they even mentioned React Native and more. But not one single mention of Kotlin. Last time I tried my hand at Android development was way before Kotlin, it was actually my first major development job: Mobile development, for which we used Obj C on the IOS part and well, Java on the Android part.

As some of you might now, I rarely have something bad to say about a tech stack(except for VBA which I despise, but I digress) and I love and use Java at work. But the Android API has always seem unnecessarily complex for my taste, because of that, when I was working as a mobile development I dreaded every single minute in which I had to code for Android, Google had a great way to make people despise Java through their Android API. I am not saying it is shit, I am not saying it is bad, I just-dont-like-it.

Kotlin, proves a superior choice in my humble opinion for Android development, and because the language is for retards, it was fairly easy for me to pick it up in about 2 hours. I was already redesigning some of my largest Spring applications using half the code and implemented about 80% of the application's functionality in less than 3 hours(login, fragment manipulation, permissions, bla bla) and by that time I started to wonder if the app built on Kotlin would be ok. And why not? If they specifically mentioned and demonstrated examples using Swift, then surely Kotlin would be fine no? Between Kotlin and Java it is easy to see that kotlin is more similar to Swift than Java. So I sent an email. Their response: "I am sorry, but we would much rather you stick with the official implementations for Android, which in this case is Java for the development of the application"

I was like 0.o wat? So I replied back sending links and documentation where Google touted Kotlin as the new and preferred way to develop Android applications, not as a second class citizen of the platform, but as THE preferred stack. Same response.

Eventually one of the instructors reflected long enough on it to say that it was fine if I developed the application in Kotlin, but they advised me that since they already had grading criteria for the Java program I had to redo it in Java. It did not took me long really, once I was finished with the Kotlin application I basically rewrote only a couple of things into Java.

The end result? I think that for Android I still greatly prefer Kotlin. Even though I am not the biggest fan of Kotlin for anything else, or as my preferred language in the JVM.

I just.......wish....they would have said something along the lines of: "Nah fam please rewrite that shit for Java since we don't have grading criterias in place for Kotlin, sorry bruh, 10/10 gg tho" instead of them getting into an email battle with me concerning Kotlin being or not being the language to use in Android. It made me feel that they effectively had no clue what they were talking about and as such not really capable of taking care of students on a graduate level program.

Made me feel dirty.

Got 2 ducks 🦆! Only one in the photo because I'm got one for my dad that has a C# cape.

Alright, i'm fucking done.

Fedora: Packages are self-referencial, using the system is like sprinting through a fucking minefield.

Linux Mint: "lol just don't update packages on the repo because shit can't break if it never updates! Don't add custom repos either or we'll just fucking break your PC."

Debian Raw: "We have all of 5 packages on our repos and GPG is fucking broken so you can't add more repos."

Arch: "Have fun modifying the boot disk for 30 hours so it'll boot, and let's tack on another 30 to make it install properly."

Gentoo: "LOL what is swap. Let's just pipe garbage into this partition as fast as the disk will let us for literally no reason. I'm sure you can still use the system for all of 30 minutes, at which point your SSD will give out. No big deal..."

when did Linux go to shit?

Windows isn't any better without billions of tweaks and then a build upgrade (in that order specific) to make it run properly.

Nor is OSX, as it runs on the model of "lol gotta hack your own PC to run custom unapproved binaries!"

Fuck it.

I'm installing DOS.

Google, Stack Overflow and GitHub.

I've been asked to work a Sunday next weekend; and like an idiot I agreed. Wasting a beautiful summer day inside designing software for a company to push more fast food product and contribution to obesity and diabetes in the world.

This is my life, and I hate it here. I hate this industry. In my 15 years, I once took off for 11 months and lived out of two bags through Asia and Europe. I spent 5 months with just a car driving across America. It's fun, but non-sustainable and I had to find a job afterwards both times.

I need a way out of this cycle. I need to contact professors and get letters of recommendation and get into a PhD program (I have a masters already), but finding the time after exhausting days at work is .. well .. exhausting.

The most I can do after work is go hang out with friends or do something, but if I come straight home, I just fall asleep. I'm tired all the time.

Not what i expected when going on discord today

I never thought I'd say this but I fucking hate my cousins and relatives.

Money and fame hungry people, constantly judging and excluding if you are not 'cool' enough. Give them attention, obey their orders, spend your money on them if you want to be considered human by them.

They spend 24x7 of their on Instagram with all their activities and gatherings revolving around the core idea of taking pictures and showcasing on Instagram.

All of them have inherited a fuck ton of fortune from their parents and live to spend. Nothing else in their life.

Their ideology is everyone should spend all their money and even if you have $5 in your savings, you are miser.

Cousins and relatives have bullied so much in my childhood that I had to go for therapy before I stabilised a little. They still fuck around and use me.

Now that I am living a better life than what I used to, they have started mocking my parents for it by shaming and excluding them from the family.

Not only I never wished ill but I prayed for their good health and success all my life. But all they did was neglect and ignore me.

Fucking blood sucking bastards. I still don't wish bad but I never thought I'd see this day where I'd hate them so much.

As I have worked really hard for my current life, because unlike them I had no fortune to be inherited, they pick some weak aspect of my life and poke it continuously to the point that it hurts me.

I never felt so alone. If not for my parents, I'd cut off all the times with such scums and move out for a better life with new people in life.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Tea 🍵 and coffee ☕️ all day and night lol

Corp: you will get a four hour assignment to work out
Me: cool nice.
Corp: here it is, build a dragon with conflicting requirements, stocks but without any form of pricing mixed in. Then slay that dragon and post it to the static backend we created.
Me: cringe much?
Corp: yeah, you can spend more than 4h but be sure to spice things up abit. Since it is frontend, and all we spin up from the backend is flat data. But it must exhale an exciting user experience.
Me: stop the cringe pls!

I think email needs to have an "are you sure" prompt before you can "reply all"

So I had an interview. Went well. But apparently while they liked me I didn't show passion for development.

Any tips on how to that? Cause like... I like it and all but who really can show passion for working for someone else.

Tips please. Or job opportunities!!!

Not sure if this is necessarily a prank, but I was working on a team that was split in 2. We had a group of senior devs in one country, and junior devs in another (god only knows why, and yes I complained about this a lot).

The "lead" of the juniors was very stubborn and refused to adhere to the official standards, as his way was better.

I was working on an app with him, I was fed up with how badly the app was working, how hard it was to find files etc. So I waited for him to be off on holidays and pulled some extra hours to completely re-do the folder structure, rip out his persistence layer and a few other things.

When he came back he lost his shit and complained to the architect. The architect (also fed up with his shit) told him that we don't have the time to invest in reverting back everything, and loosing all the new features I added on top, especially since the app is now adhering to standards.

Never felt such satisfaction in my life.

The Return of Mr. Gitmaster:
So there is this colleague I already ranted about several times. After my previous team lead had confronted him about not doing much work, there was some irritation because he showed not up at work, but it turned out the external training he did was just a week earlier. Then he was ill a week, another week vacation so we didn't see him much. Not that his pre- or absence makes much difference to our repo: When his and my team lead looked at his commits of the past three months they found like the one copy-pasted HTML-form that wouldn't even show.
Fast forward to now, where we have a new team lead and we were going to lunch with Mr. gitmaster. So we got some more hero stories from the great work he was doing in the previous company. How he was graphically monitoring the heap fragmentation that stupid glibc was causing to their search engine, and how much better it became with tcmalloc.
I still don't understand how he bridges that cognitive dissonance from all the superior tech knowledge he displays to not actually writing any code at all. Not that I would not have experienced some states of feeling low, in paralysis unable to write a single line of code... but he seems so full of confidence, always commenting how trivial and easy all these tasks would be, as if it's all so lightyears below his abilities. Maybe he should just become a manager - but not mine.

Time to learn as mush as i can, Just Made Hello world Programs in 9 languages.
C#
C++
HTML
JavaScript
NodeJS
Perl
PHP
Python2
Ruby

If you Have some other things Tell me And i will try to learn it to

My friends netspeed. Must be nice.... attached in the comments is what I’ve got to work with. It’s sad when my mobile hotspot is faster than my fucking wall connection.

Why is it what so many developers think that they are the sole genius surrounded by idiots and completely lack in interpersonal skills or the ability to see other people's arguments as valid? Honestly, with some people it's like working with an emotionally stunted teenager. I literally spoke to someone yesterday who thinks it's impossible to come to a compromise or agreement about anything unless there is a third party to arbitrate and mindlessly insists on his own way in literally every disagreement, even after admitting his logic is faulty. It's like watching a spotty 17 year old argue about politics online I swear it.

I was given a project by someone to maintain

We are sorry, that You are experiencing issues with our application, please describe your problem with details in a letter and send it STRAIGHT IN YOUR ASSHOLE. WTF everybody gone in vacation and I need to respond to all that shit?

!Rant

So @-ScratchOs just gave me my 1000 +1.
I want to thank you all for being so awesome. I have never felt more welcome than here. Thank you @dfox and @trogus for making this.
No one in my school shares my passion for coding and so it is very nice to meet people with the same hobby here.
Also, why are all the cats you can select for your avatar so chubby?

I just told my director that the solution for a particular problem that we have involves Machine Learning. For which I had already applied a VERY small app to make sense of an old database to make a NEW one since the old one broke every notion of how a db is supposed to be set (meaning that I recreated the project from scratch)

And on the same message I told him that I was not willing to do it using M.L since I was not paid enough to bring this level of heat to the institution.

Normalize telling mfkers that your skills are worth more.

I am paid well, but not enough to out of the blue tell mfkers that my ml based algo can save them./

Fuck em, fuck em hard, fuck em good, fuck em without even using spit.

I don't do this shit because I am paSSiOnate, since there lies the trap: "I mean, I love it so I guess I can do it, I do this on my free time either way" <---- no bitch, shit is expensive on the real world, don't do that wtf is the matter with you? *slaps* companies don't see it as a: "oh shit, employee X can do this! value!" they see it as "greaaaaat, I can save money on this", so fuck em.

Normalize it, y'all are wizards, advisors of kings, no company today survives without I.T. About motherfucking time y'all bitches take this shit by the horns and do with it what you want.

People form third world countries that need work: shit don't apply to you, currently, but we will make it apply to you on the rising, my kings, stay strong.

Do you ever get anxious and do some work to calm down but then you forget about time and stay up until 6am finishing two features which were due in a month?

...when someone hits "Reply All" to the entire company about stupid stuff!

Finally, I can play around with a proper server.
HP ProLiant DL380 G6 = dual 8-core Xenons @ 2.4GHz with 32GB RAM and 12TB / RAID1-0 of WD Purples (we happened to have them for some reason).
Already pissed at HP because they don't support JBOD and already pissed at myself for using CentOS, but other than that, enjoying the hell out of it!

And it's ALL MINE! ... Well, technically it's the org's, but it won't go into production for half a year and I'm the only one with the root access so, for now, it's MINE! 😅

All of a sudden the Macbook Pro power adapter was broken yesterday. Guess how much does it cost just to replace it?

Fuck you Apple. If you're gonna overprice, it make it durable and good quality dammit.

Shit. I just realized that I do all of this. D:

Versioning. The right way,

When you use a git command you don't really understand and it fucks up your day!!!!!!!

Anyone know how I can get a backend developer job as a 15 year old?

🦆

Anyone here has posture problems like anterior pelvic tilt or rounded shoulders form sitting in front of a computer all day?
I have them both and it
It basically makes me look like shit when I walk. Will strength training help with these issues?
Edit: tags

Why does it seem like everyone here hates PHP. What did it do wrong?

ParcelJS where have you BEEN all of my life!

Just tried adding it to a project, all I did was

"parcel watch src/app.js --target node"

and I can't believe it worked! Like holy crap

We should name the next big pandemic disease IPV-6 just to watch the conspiracy whackos lose their fuckin minds.

And this shit is supposed to inspire people into coding? Dear God!

I rebooted a device that everyone uses
It has not come online yet
It's been an hour, and counting...

What a good timing we're all working from home eh?

Does anyone notice that when you go to a 404 page on Google that the title has a "1" at the end, like someone was trying to put three !s but let go of shift to early.

I was going to submit a bug report, but I kind of like that 1 there, for some odd reason.

(If me posting this rant gets it fixed, I will be upset)

JIRA makes me want to end it all sometimes

Ok, I am actually losing my mind at this bad excuse of a work place.

This guy, that I had only briefly talked to in email twice before, never met or even had a video chat, opened a ticket like this:

"Hi Alt-Tab,

I hope you enjoyed the end of last week, the weekend, and the beginning of this one! All well here. I ventured to [random place in London] for the first time on Saturday – liked it."

Now. I already can't fucking stand when colleagues that are not at all close start emails with "how was your weekend?" shit because then I have to waste another minute addressing that. But this guy took it to such another level that I literally had to read his email 3 times to believe what I just witnessed.

And of course he then went on and described the issue as folows:

"Just a quick note about the issue I have - could you let me know why the calendars are not syncing?"

Maybe if you fucking spent half of the energy of you writing a polite bullshit "hello" and instead used that to actually describe the issue I could help.

Fuck off.

I got my stickers a month ago, but I lost my phone.

I was underestimated about tech skills and earning, because I use PHP at work. I agree that PHP sucks and it's used by a lot of developers who don't know how it works. But the legacy systems I work on now compose a platform used by more than 400K users. In addition, I used to use C++ for game programming and Java for web systems. Also I'm playing with Node.js and javascript for my personal projects. In my experience, I don't think PHP is easy to make things work as expected. Plus, I don't get low salary compared to the others in this region. It's always very hard to explain how I'm working as a PHP developer. At the moment of underestimation, I was feeling so bad, but I couldn't say anything. It might lead a religious argue. Any advice?

I strongly dislike people who don't even try to gather information by themselves before asking others.

Now, I'm sure ALL of you have seen this, when someone has a problem with their code, printer, etc they ask you or someone else before just Googling the answer. Like ffs, you really think that you're so special that you feel like other people should Google stuff for you, like I need you to understand that you're not special, you're not unique and there's a VERY high chance someone has has the exact problem as you.

The most common question I see on Discord as a whole is "who ping" or "why ping" or something related. Ffs Discord had a fucking button that tells you who pinged you (yes I know that the sender can delete the message, but this is rarely the case and I always check before getting mad)

On a somewhat related note, I never understood why people ask "who are you" especially when they have a name tag or whatever (and double especially if it's online) like what do you expect them to say? Do you want their life story?

When you have an all nighter and you wake up in the morning with a working code

That moment when you must pull an all-nighter, but realize that you're out of coffee. And Mate. And Redbull. Basically anything energetic. That's when you realize you're fucked. 😓

For about 1.5 years on and off, we've been developing a system to rate tickets/requests sent to our team. We wrote it in Angular, and it turned into this feature-rich gorgeous application with custom-built graphical statistic tracking, in-app social networking capabilities, robust user profiles, etc.

Eventually, we no longer had time to work on it along with all the other applications we're developing. So we passed ownership of the app over to a couple of other developers on our team. You'd think that they'd just work off what we already built and keep the robust environment we created for them. But nope, instead of keeping everything we already built, they scrapped it all and started from scratch using React instead of Angular, and removed all of those robust features and turned the app into a shell of its former self. No more statistic tracking, no more social networking capabilities, no more fancy user profiles. Just a single page with a number representing how many "Good" tickets you've sent to us, and how many "Bad" tickets you've sent.

1.5 years and hundreds of hours worth of work, all gone and replaced with the most rudimentary basic React app ever.

Haven't found any catch block that has anything other than:
// TODO Handle Exception

Fuck windows, fuck macOS, fuck php, fuck nodejs, fuck this, fuck that....

With all the bashing over everything, I think I’ll go back to VB6... at least no ones hating on that!

In 2017 I learned a lot of new things and I’m very happy with the progress I’ve made. I think 2018 will be even better! I’m busy developing my own hosting platform and it’s been an hell of a ride. Hopefully I can get it in beta in the first months of 2018. Wishing you all the best for 2018!

just completed the hackathon task at 5 am in the morning

well, i used php

I love the super dark theme!

PSA MacOS Sierra 10.12 will make any user who wasn't the original admin user a standard user, it will also reset the original admin users password back to whatever it was when the MacBook was first set up. It all just works!

It's not like we needed this information board anyway, to help us monitor our servers, tickets and calendar.

Thats some microsoft quality!

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you let my program go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will debug you.

How do we make Linux more popular and widely used for all users?

I use PHP.

10.00-16.00 conference call...
It's a trap!

Last week all the sites I'm hosting started acting real strange... Nothing made sense.

One site gave an error telling me that the database couldn't write to disk "insufficient space"...

What? Are you fucking kidding me?

Turns out indexing 14TB of data kinda makes mlocate use a lot of space...

Excluded one folder, optimized the db and voila, from 17GB to less than 1GB...

I'm studying Computer Science and Engineering in Uni.

People don't understand the most fundamental principles of programming at all. Variables and functions are like a foreign language to them.

I get that not everyone knows everything but if you decide to go to uni to study programming, and you have never programmed before. Are you really in the right place?

When coding all night and your second monitor packs in...

I can't focus on my task and get motivated because I want to change my position in the company I'm in.

I can't change my position in the company I'm in because I can't focus on my task and get motivated.

!dev

Long time, no rant. Why is facial hair so difficult to control? How do people even grow beards without looking like hobos all the time? Do I have to make some sort of sacrifice to a dark and malevolent entity?

Believe me, it's so much easier to keep on top of shaving body hair than taming face fur. Especially because your facial hair is, you know, on your *face* which means it's very visible. You can't hide it if you mess up. Unless you decide that wearing a balaclava is a good idea when going outside, like when going grocery shopping. Generally that isn't received too well though.

Subscribed to CBS all access just for Picard and Lower Decks. Made the mistake of clicking on the Comedy Central icon by accident.

Two minutes later: email ad in my inbox advertising the Daily Show and Comedy Central.

Fuck you CBS. Double fuck you Viacom.

What if AI evolves to the point of having its own online communities, with captchas that require you to prove you’re a robot?

Fuck today. I don't feel like doing shit. I just wanna stay home and watch jojo all day and not have to worry about the lil bullshit we got pending.

Only now that I am on an internship that I understand all the jokes about programmers

For as long as I can remember I watched my dad at his computer doing work and programming, so I got interested in computers. I started using and mastering computer skills when I was 5 and helped people with their computer problems. I was hesitant to learn how to program because it looked hard, but I eventually have I'm and started to learn Java at 12. I started by making Bukkit plugins for Minecraft (1.7.10). I learned to program, because I knew that computers will one day help people, and I wanted to help people too.

Baby all I want for Christmas is Uuuuuuuuu-I design that made sense while being cute.

Late I know. But I just thought of it.

Nowadays apps have more permissions than parents...

Technology sick!

Sometimes life takes unexpected turns:

I studied mechanical engineering and did some "computer stuff" in my free time, you know, "programming" with Java, toyed around with HTML/CSS/PHP a few years ago, some local server stuff with a raspberry pi, nothing fancy.

Half a year ago i got hired as engineer first but they said they needed an "IT Guy" also.

What i did since then
*Researching, Testing and Planning the introduction of an ERP software
*Planning, coordinating and (partially) setting up a new server for the company (actually two cause redundancy (heavy lifting got done by our IT partner, its not like i suddenly know how to do the entire windows server administration)
*Writing 3 minor tools for some guys in the company in java
*Creating numereous excel vba scripts that make work a lot easier
*doing all the day to day business that comes up when absolutly noone know how to use a pc in the company
*consulting the boss about webshops and websites in general and finding a decent partner
*and some engineering

Did i mentioned that i studied mechanical engineering? I know nothing about all this, or rather, i know enough to know that i know not enough.

My current side project is creating a small intranet, so creating a new VM in Hyper V, setting up some OS (probably slim CentOS), getting a Webserver running and making it somewhat secure. Then i need to create some content, i am very close to just install a mediawiki and call it a day. If i write anything in PHP i fear that i make way to many erros or just reinvent the wheel, on the other hand, i couldnt find anything resembling what i need. I also had to create the front end side, i knew CSS around 2010, there is probably tons of stuff i dont know and i will make so many errors.

This is frustrating, everything i touch feels like i am venturing the beaten path but noone ever showed me the ropes so everything i do feels like childs play. I need an adult. Also the biggest Question remains: What i am?

*hacker voice* "I'm in"

I'm asking a few questions to all the game developers here.
1. How'd you learn to make games (books, YouTube series, udemy, sold your soul to Satan, etc) ?
2. When and how did you realize that Game Dev is what you want to do?
Thanks.

The one thing I've learned most about developers is that developers like their lasagna more than their spaghetti.

!rant
Linux experts, please read if you have time

Seeing all the posts ranting about Ubuntu, I'm starting to wondering : I have a laptop on Ubuntu that I set for my courses at school, I took Ubuntu because I could try at school with VMs, liked it and because between this and Linux Mint, I wasn't aware of all those distributions.

So my reflexion is : Since I've started my internship, which would be the final semester (I'm in last year of studying), I use this computer mostly for personal coding projects, which aren't ambitious and I sometimes use my Windows too, so my computer is a kind of switch-not-so-often.
Should I keep it to Ubuntu or should I try to install something else ?

I've heard of Solus, which got my curiosity, and Arch Linux, but this one is not want I think I need. But seeing all those distributions here made me confuse, I dunno if I should upgrade something that's a kind of placeholder for coding and do stuff when the Windows (which is my main laptop) is busy doing things.

Have any suggestions ?

hoop: – "masterkey" is not okay. Please replace all instances of "master" immediately #WeValueInclusivity

cprn: – Just to clarify, "master" in this context is standard (as in "master key" in databases). It's not intended to be offensive. Replacing could affect functionality. Call to talk more?

hoop: – STOP overthinking, just change it. I DON’T CARE, JUST DO WHAT I SAY. #DoItForTheCulture

cprn: – Got it. You want me to replace every instance of "master" in the codebase, including comments and variable names. Just confirming?

hoop: – YES. NO EXCEPTIONS. #MoveForward

PR Update: Replacing all instances of "master" as requested. Please, verify before accepting.

hoop: – Perfect. Now we’re on the right track. 👏

After 2 failed attempts at explaining, I blindly replaced all instances of "master" with "boss", and hand-delivered my letter of resignation. I left them with "complied with your request, have fun figuring it out". It was 2 years ago, and I was the last coder who knew that system after a big merger.

I got a 100 on my calc 1 final.

I've been working on an Emscripten emulation layer for a fledgling startup, and it's just a huge bitch. Seriously, Emscripten is the worst designed project I've ever seen. It embeds constants into a js file that it spits out. It turns out you can't fucking run the wasm that Emscripten emits without these magic constants from the js file.

Additionally, all the wasm imports that emscripten specifies are weirdly cased, with apparently no naming convention. They also use some weird, shitty vararg implementation when it already fucking knows exactly how many arguments are going to get passed to an import.

Also, there are a ton of broken things left over from when emscripten compiled to asm.js that they never bothered to replace with features from wasm. God knows how it even works.

Unpopular opinion.

TOML sucks

* it does not claim to care about indentation but it actually does
* nested datastructures are a nightmare, especially 'inline' for 'readability'
* oh fuck me everything must be "double quotes"
* booleans always lowercase, there is no "truthy" here.
* Tables are not intuitive at all.

And all this from working with it first time because I had the silly idea to modernize a python project to use pyproject.toml

Oh and don't get me started on pyproject.toml files. The documentation sucks!

Damn! All i saw today was rant about zo.

*Not complaining though*

Have been playing the pirated version of Rust for 30+ hours with no issues.

Decide to buy the game and every fucking time the game turns into Chrome and consumes all my RAM forcing Windows to show the low on memory dialog.

Lesson learned I guess.

I told my friends how i liked the IT movie and pronounced it as I.T. and they laugh at me because it is an "it". So why why why it was both capitalized then. Grrrrr

When you open and edit random config files

How do you pronounce GUI?

Gooey or G-U-I.