"Let me just check devrant while the IDE is launching..."

# I am not a VIM user.

Discussion between me and my N+1
(Note : I'm in the company for 3 months)

Me : As the tech leader, shouldn't you review my code ?
N+1 : I'm not the tech leader.
Me : Wait what ?
N+1 : I wrote the app from A to Z, hence I'm the architect.
Me : That's what I mean. Being the most knowledgable dev in the company makes you de facto tech leader.
N+1 : No, I'm not the tech leader. The CEO is.
Me : But he didn't even know the tech we are using !
N+1 : .... Anyway, I won't do code reviews. I don't like that.

(2 hours later)

N+1 : You made a mistake in the code. You broke a hidden functionality. You should be more careful, or ask me if you have doubts.

This guy is collector.

i'm a backend developer trying to work with css.

fml.

Once upon a time there was a dev.
The dev had a resume that said he could dev.
We called the dev, he sounded intelligent.
We hired the dev, who was a bit green, on a three month probationary period.
The dev did very little.
When asked, we said he contributed to discussions, but seemed unclear about what to do, and maybe they could keep him as an intern if they wanted to have him at all.
They hired him. As a full time dev.
6 months later, that dev was shocked to find we could log into the servers with a privileged account.
We (his team mates) were sad.
We asked him to fix a few prod errors.
A little while later he said "Done!"
We then had to walk him through how to actually fix them, not just add a couple pieces of info to the table.
We were sad, again.
We asked him to fix some prod errors again.
We had to walk him through the process again
We expressed concerns to our superiors about his abilities because he was all theory, no hands on ability
They promoted him
We were sad
A few of us said "Fuck you guys, I'm going home"
They said OK
Now that guy is the only one that "knows" that code base
I get calls sometimes asking me questions.
I told them to pay me a consultant fee.
They said no
I said no
They called again
I laughed at them

Listen to the people who know when you ask them questions.
Listen to the people who know when they tell you there is a problem
Don't be like that company

My own language, hence my own parser.

Reinvented the regular expression before realizing it already existed (Google didn't exist at the time).

I'm a living reference for regular expressions since then.

@dfox I just want to say thank you !

Most of my friends are not devs at all. Thanks to you, I can share my adventures to people that actually understand what I'm talking about.

This is priceless.

!rant, a success story.

I made a tool for a live streamer I like, for free. Something to find highlights in a VOD based on the chatlog.

It took me around 15h to make. It is a very simple electron app, the "valuable" code is ~70 lines.
I wasn't sure he would even bother to try it.

Anyways, I send it to him. 10 minutes later, the guy tells me that "this is amazing! You just saved me hours of derushing my streams ❤️"

That's great already, but it does not end there. A few minutes later he asks me "I know other streamers that would love it, can I share? And can I add you in our private discord?"

I have now a direct access to some of the best youtubers/streamers in my country 🤩.

Trying to explain my job to friend who don't know computers.

Friend: So what do you do?
Me: Well they call me a "DevOps Engineer", but really I am just a Release or Automation Engineer.
Friend: What is that?
Me: Well I assist developers build and deploy their code as well as write code to automated the whole process and build the virtual servers.
Friend: So you like program?
Me: Kinda...
Friend: Dude can you write an app for me, got some ideas!
Me: (blinks) no.

Centering.

After a couple years as a developer I've learned that all those banking sites and cool online stores and apps are held together with old chewed gum, duck tape and that guys who has been in the office 48h straight and whose wife thinks he's dead.

#truth

always pull before commiting.

Things you can enjoy when working in an office with other people:

- listening to everyone chew gum with their mouths open.
- being constantly interrupted by coworkers asking for help, even when wearing headphones.
- getting distracted by someone bursting out in laughter of some private joke.
- having to take a break when everyone else does, because everyone is so loud you just can't focus.
- being hit on the back of the neck by a nerf gun bullet, right when you're most focused.

Why would anyone ever want to work at home?

That moment when your manager tells you that he's okay with ultra-flexible schedules, because "I trusts you 100%. You proved your value, please come late if you prefer"

I love my job

got new glasses today.
c++.

...i'll show myself out.

Uuh... ok, then

Most unprofessional experience at work?

<about an hour ago> Went into the bathroom to do the morning deuce and there was crap all over the back of the seat. WTF!? Did you miss!? In our part of the building its only devs and network admins, so again, dudes, WTF!?

Oh, and never spit your gum out in the urinal. Its not a new, fun target for you to shoot at. *Somebody* is going to have to pick that nasty thing out. Our maintenance guys have hard enough job than cleaning up after 'so called' professionals.

What is this, windows?? how am i, the software publisher, supposed to change this if you don't bother to give a proper fucking error? whoever created this, i hope you die choking on a goat's intestines

Hi,
I'm not a ranty person so I never actually thought I'd post anything here but here it goes.

From the beginning.
We use ancient technologies. PHP 5.2, Symfony 1.2 and a non RFC complient SOAP with NO documentation.
A year ago We've been thrown a new temporary project. An VOIP app for every OS.
That being iOS, Android, MAC, PC, Linux, Windows mobile. With a 3 month deadline. All that thrown at 4 PHP developers. The idea being that They'll take it, sign the delivery protocol, everyone happy. No more updates for the app needed. They get their funds they needed the app for and we get paid.

Fast forward to today...

Our dev team started the year with great news that We'll most likely have to create a new project. Since the amount of new features would be far greater than current feature set, we managed to finally force our boss to use newer technologies (ie. seperate backend symfony4 PHP7+/frontend react, rest api and so on). So we were ecstatic to say the least. With preestimates aimed at a minimum 3 month development period. Since we're comfortable with everything that needs to be done.
Two days later our boss came to me that one of our most annoying clients needs a new feature. Said client uses ancient version written on a napkin because They changed half of the specification 2 weaks before deadline in a software made not by a developer but some sysadmin who didn't know anything. His MVC model was practically VVV model since he even had sql queries in some views. Feature will take 3 days - fixing everything that will break in the meantime - 1-2 months.
F*** it, fine. A little overtime won't kill me.
Yesterday boss comes again... Apparently someone lost a delivery protocol for a project we ended that half a year ago. Whats even better at the time when we asked for hardware to test we never got any. When we asked about any testing enviornment - nothing. The app being SEMI-stable on everything is an overstatement but it was working on the os'es available at the time. Since the client started testing now again, it turns out that both Android app does not work on 8.1/9 and the iOS app does not work on ios12. The client obviously does not want to pay and we can do little with it without the protocol, other than rewriting the apps.
It will take months at least since all of those apps were written by people that didn't know neither the OS'es nor the languages. For example I started writing the iOS one in swift. Only to learn after half of the development time, that swift doesn't like working by C Library rules and I had to use ObjC also. With some C thrown in due to the library. 3 unknown languages, on an unknown platform in 3 months. I never had any apple device in my hand at that time nor do I intend to now. I'm astonished it worked out then. It was a clusterf**k of bad design and sticking everything together with deprecated apis and a gum. So I'll have to basically fully rewrite it.

If boss decides we'll take all those at the same time I'll f***ing jump of a bridge.

I was sitting in the University when a cute girl we know asked us If we have a Chewing Gum with mint flavour. We hadn't, but a friend of mine replied with 'I've got Linux Mint! In case you wanna try... "

Advanced silence or about 3 minutes after that...

My wife wouldn't stop asking me to help her with FB. As a joke I told her if she didn't quit, I'd delete it (Tech stuff goes over her head like a 747). Well, she kept on so I opened up the Dev tools. I started by adding just some non sense to one of the divs. She saw it pop up on screen and was like "Wait...you can really do that?" then I highlighted the body tag and hit backspace. The whole thing disappeared, it was great. She legit freaked out for a minute and begged me to fix it. I popped up the console and started typing random things. Created an array with some mumbo-jumbo, a couple of quick, meaningless functions and snuck hitting Ctrl+R in there, refreshing the page. She was so happy that Facebook worked again, that she stopped asking me how to do whatever it was

Reinvent the wheel, then throw it away.
Best way to understand a concept

Long rant, sorry.

I’m pretty upset, or let’s say: I want to kick asses and chew gum but I’m all out of gum(The duke TM).

Yesterday we had a discussion in the office about salary basically.

Context: The company has about 150 employees and earns a lot of money. I’m the lead dev for about 1.5 years since I joined.

So I talked to our CEO/HR about a raise since I was hired as a normal fullstack dev(title is lead dev now) but have to:
train my junior(PHP), frontend guy(react), our QA(Automation with cypress atm), our junior devop(gitlab, jenkins, docker) and even assist marketing with GTM and adword campaigns.

I’m a jack of all trades basically since I was a freelancer for big brands for a long time.
I’m fine with helping/training, I like it a lot but I still have to watch everything and be fast with my own stuff. If anything goes wrong, people call me.

That will change since I train them all(They will all be independent soon) but still, doing everything for the same pay feels wrong.

Bottom line: CEO told me it’s cool that they can use all my skills but I won’t get a raise.

The worst/strangest was: My coworkers heard about that(as always in an office) and were like: Everybody should get paid equally because we’re all a team. Uhm, ok?

I just contacted the head hunter which got me that job. I guess I’ll just see what the market has to offer.

It should never be about money but this was confusing. People telling me we should all be equal who are on their mobiles 3h a day and feel underpaid. Check yourself, really.

People who think their pure presence is enough.. Germany -.-

I was actually successful in one that I literally got from the American version of The Office.

I conditioned one of my employees to want chewing gum after I did a clap motion with my hands: snap the fingers on both hands really quick and do a fist to palm tap and say "hey bud, want gum?" and because I specifically bought his favorite he would always say yes.

Eventually, and after months of doing it, I was walking around the office when I did the motion, but this time without gum. Now, he was on the fifth levek of the virtual world doing his shit fully concentrated and he STILL looked up at me looking anxious. I said "what's up?" and he just said nothing, that he felt that he was missing something but couldn't put the finger on it.

Just like in the show, he then complained that his mouth felt funny. Eventually he waddled his way to my office to ask for gum 🤣🤣🤣🤣

tl;dr I successfully Pavlov'ed one of my employees to have a need of chewing gum every time I do a finger snap clap motion.

I am the best manager in the world.

"Pasting code from the Internet into production code is like chewing gum found in the street." - unknown

How I find most "modern" JavaScript frameworks

When the impostor syndrome hits me, I try to remember my achievements :
- I won a national coding contest when I was 18,
- I made and still maintain a complex app for 15 years, still actively used,
- I cannot count the number of languages I know; too many of them...

Not bragging here, btw. It's just important to actually enumerate your achievements.
If you get hit by the IS, just remember what you did 😉.

From 8 cores to 12; from 16Gb to 32; from SATA to NVMe; from 60Hz to 144

I love Moore's Law

> creates new PR for open source project
> runs tests locally before pushing
> pushes
> waits 8h (not kidding) for appveyor checks to complete
> tests failed

MOTHERF-

lesson of the day:
if you enter the office toilet while chewing gum, the simultaneous smell of shit and jaw movement will lead your brain to think you're eating shit

I would like to share my gum collection at work. I like chewing something. I bought all of these though. We dont have free food in our work.

This gem of a game. Partly cause i'm a contributor, partly cause i'm a space junkie.

Is this advertising? maybe.
Am i in love? definitely.

Backend colleague : the API is online. It's tested and working, you can start the dev.

Me trying to manually call the API with all the fields pre validated : "error : invalid fields"

EVERY. FUCKING. TIME !

To all the backend developers : we are NOT your personal testers, and we are NOT supposed to clean your mess because you're too lazy to FUCKING TEST THE HAPPY PATH!!!

Thank you for your consideration.

Well, for starters there was a cron to restart the webserver every morning.

The product was 10+ years old and written in PHP 5.3 at the time.

Another cron was running every 15 minutes, to "correct" data in the DB. Just regular data, not from an import or something.
Gotta have one of those self-healing systems I guess.

Yet another cron (there where lots) did run everyday from 02:00 to 4ish to generate the newest xlsx report. Almost took out the entire thing every time. MySQL 100%. CPU? Yes. RAM? You bet.

Lucky I wasn't too much involved at the time. But man, that thing was the definition of legacy.

Fun fact: every request was performed twice! First request gave the already logged-in client an unique access-token. Second request then processed the request with the (just issued) access-token; which was then discarded. Security I guess.

I don't know why it was build this way. It just was. I didn't ask. I didn't wanted to know. Some things are better left undisturbed. Just don't anger the machine. I became superstitious for a while. I think, in the end, it help a bit: It feels like communicating with an alien monster but all you have is a trumpet and chewing gum. Gentle does it.

Oh and "Sencha Extjs 3" almost gave me PTSD lol (it's an ancient JS framework). Followed by SOAPs WSDL cache. And a million other things.

In the Ruhr area (Germany) we have some very old, very strange words with strange meanings. One of those words is ‚Prutscher‘.
A Prutscher refers to a person who does things but never gets a good result, due to lack of knowledge or simple carelessness. Most of the time, Prutschers are people who are interested in certain subjects and often work in the related jobs, but who lack the motivation to properly train themselves, learn what there is to learn and to always keep up with their technologies .
Here are a few examples I've stumbled upon so far in my career:

- Developers in their 60's who read a book about PHP 25 years ago and decided to become a software developer. Since then haven't read anything about it. Who then now build huge spaghetti monoliths for large companies, in which they prefix every function, every variable and constant with their initials and, of course, use Hungarian notation.

- People who read half a fucking tutorial about <insert any fancy js framework here> and start blogging/tweeting about it

- Senior web developers who need to be told what the fuck CORS is and who can't even recognize CORS related errors in their browser console.

- People who have done nothing else for 18 years than building websites for companies on Wordpress 1.x and writing few lines of PHP and Javascript from time to time. Those who are now applying as a frontend dev due to the difficult economic situation and are surprised that they are not accepted due to a lack of experience.

- Developers who are the only ones working on Windows in the team and ask their Linux colleagues for help when Windows starts bitchin.

- People who have been coding for 30 years, have worked with ~42 languages ​​and don't know the difference between compiled and interpreted languages ​​in the job interview.

- Chief developers at a large newsletter-publisher who think it's a good idea to build your own CMS (due to a lack of good existing ones, of course).

- Developers who have been writing PHP applications for multinational corporations for 25 years and cannot explain how PHP is executed. They don't even know what the fucking OPcache is, let alone fpm. FML

- People who call themselves professional developers but never ever heard of DRY, KISS, boy-scout rule, 12-Factor App, SOLID, Clean Code, Design Patterns, ...

- Senior developers wondering why the bash script won't run on their fucking Windows machine.

- Developers who consider Typescript to be a hindrance and see no value in it.

- Developers using ftp for deployments in 2022

- Senior Javascript Developer applying for a job and for whom Integer is a primitive data type in JS.

- Developers who prefer to code without frameworks and libraries because they are only an unnecessary burden/overhead and you can quickly code everything up yourself.

- Developers who think configuring their server(s) manually is a good idea.

You fucking Prutscher. What you have already cost me in terms of work and nerves. I can't even put it into words how deeply I despise you. I have more respect for the chewing gum that has been stuck in my damn trash can for the past 3 years than I do for you guys. You are the disgrace of our profession. I will haunt you in your dreams and prefix every fucking synapse of your brain with MY initials.

As a well-known german band once sang in a very fitting song: I wouldn't even piss on you if you were on fire.

If you recognized yourself in one of the examples here: FUCK YOU!

!rant
I'm an idiot. I freely admit this. I spent a solid 3 hours on a new endpoint in a WCF service, only to have it looked upon and told to fix it. I knew that the service I was calling didn't work like that. I did, I knew it. I didn't think about it while coding the endpoint, but I knew it. At least the changes only needed to happen in one file, and only took about 25 minutes with tests and all. But damn it, I knew better. I looked at my buddy, straight in the eye, and told him "Told you I was an idiot." He laughed, I laughed, the table laughed, we killed the table. It was a great time!

Dates are f***ing annoying, we humans deal with them in such a weird way. It's almost impossible to define a algorithm dealing with them consistently.

Me: okay brain! We had our morning coffee. We're ready to work. Lots of things to do today.

Brain: yay! I feel unstoppable! Can't wait for logic problems and amazing things we're going to build! What's the plan?

Me: great! Today we're going to work on the ios implementation of our app. Where should we start?

Brain: ...

Me: brain?

Just got my first 2 tor relays running; one with 20MB/s, one with 60MB/s. FeelsGoodMan.

Programming while blasting the doom eternal soundtrack is something else

it sucks!
Fuck asynchronous code because

TL;DR : do we need a read-only git proxy

Guys, I just thought about something and this potential gitpocalypse.

There is no doubt anymore that regardless of Microsoft's decisions about Github, some projects will or already have migrated to the competition.

I'm thinking : some projects use the git link to fetch the code. If a dependency gets migrated, it won't be updated anymore, or worse, if the previous repo gets deleted, it can break the project.

Hence my idea : create some repository facade to any public git repository (regardless of their actual location).
Instead of using github.com/any/thing.git, we could use opensourcegit.com/any/thing.git. (fake url for the sake of the example).
It would redirect to the right repository (for public read only), and the owner could change the location of the actual repository in case of a migration.

What do you think ? If I get enough ++'s, I'll create a git repo about this.

Ms teams is a pile of shit.

That is all.

!rant
Just started working for a new company. Super cool. Just like the last one (as far as perks), except they actually trust their devs.

Old company: Make sure your code is extensible
Devs at old company: You know it's not written in stone right?
Old company: Does that mean you can make it do this?
Devs at old company: No. That's the wrong code base

New company: I need a feature. Get it done when you can
New company devs: Well, guess I'll take some time to refactor all this stuff while I'm at it
~Some time later~
New company: Thanks, that feature works great!

No staring over shoulders, asking when it will be done. No asking why we want to refactor something. As long as work continues to flow, there are no issues. It's great!

Also, if we want to try a new tech, we just have to put together a short paper explaining why it will work better in that situation than the tech that's already in place.

I wanted to be able to physically start a home computer remotely.

- raspberry pi
- power relay to simulate the button
- a messenger chatbot linked to my account only

Now my local server is startable from anywhere

!activism

Guys, what should we do about Article 13 ?

The bill passed, well, that's unfortunate. We can still scream as loud as we can that it's a very bad idea, but let's face it, it won't probably work...

Personally, I'm sick of this shit. Every year they try to "regulate" the web with a new fucked-up legislation that they actually don't understand. I don't blame them for not knowing any better, but I blame them not to surround themselves with actually competent people (and no, lobbies are NOT competent, only interested).

So there it is : I want to act on this one. With traditional, ineffective methods (petitions, mails...), but I want to get further this time.

Here are some ideas :
- create/promote a platform explicitly made for "copyrighted" stuff (basically memes). Located outside of EU. But is it enough for being outside of the law ?
- Put some physical-paper memes near the EU parliament (I live in Brussels), just to mess with them ^_^
- Make the filtering algorithms crazy by spamming them with copyrighted content. I doubt this one will have any effect though...

Any ideas ? Let's go crazy there, they deserve it.

**My Resume** : Worked with JavaScript and .NET for the last 3 years ... have an Associates degree...more things

**Recruiter**
You look like you'd be a great fit for this position. We require a Bachelors degree, but we're willing to take 4 years progressive experience in lieu of each year of schooling.

**First**
4 YEARS of experience for EACH YEAR of school?

**Me**
I guess basic reading and math aren't required to be a job recruiter? Man...Only 5 more years and I'll be able to see how my skills as a developer with 8 years of professional experience will go over as an Entry level developer!

Copy-Pasting code from the StackOverflow into production code is like chewing gum found on the street. 🙄

University, first year. I went to my Java/OOP teacher's office to about the course (I had started programming C++ ~5 years ago).

I wanted to discuss the fact that some parts of the course seemed too theoretical for beginners in my opinion. Rookie mistake : do not criticize the cursus of an academic if you are in your first year, even when you are right. I learned it the hard way...

The teacher started to tell me that I was just a first-year student, I had no experience yada yada...

To that I replied "I'm doing C++ for 5 years. This is OOP so yeah I do know a little more than you think".

I will never forget his reply "LOL C++ is not Object-Oriented !"

I never went to his course after that. I learned a few years later that the teacher was a well-known a**hole along his peers and got fired by the University...

The very reason that made me a developper is back home from mom and dad's. Say hi, megadrive!

I hate these idiots that post source code examples as an image just so they can keep their cool highlighting and style. How the fuck am I supposed to test that without re-typing the whole thing myself? Ever try OCR on source code? Not too great, is it.

me++ 🎂

Go to the office, start the computer, get some coffee, open up Eclipse...

Java.lang.NullPointerException

Fuck this shit.

So, I'm a veteran. I served in the Army as an information system operator/analyst. Glorified help desk, set up some equipment in the field, a few other small things. But I can make fun of vets, other branches, and those serving. I've paid my dues, and they're OK with it. Hell, they all do it too. But you have to be a vet or currently serving.

I feel like that with tech too. My buddies and I call each other geeks/nerds all the time. I get annoyed (read as pissed off) when someone from the outside does it.

I got an email from a recruiter that said something along the lines of "..basically a bunch of really smart nerds building software..." What the actual fuck? Go eat an entire bag of dicks, and choke on every single one.

Fucking windows automatic reboots! They seriously need to fuck off with that. As of this morning I have a finance person who can't log on, a floor manager that can't schedule his employees and a robotics controller pc that rebooted and didn't save the changes I made! Seriously, FUCK OFF!

Guys, I just received a *constructive* comment about a code of mine on StackOverflow.

WTF is going on?

wk108 is truly wholesome. thank you all for making me smile.

I always wondered how it would be to have English as mother tongue.

Because :
- Insects are causing problems in computers,
- you're using a glass door or a fruit for OS (well, some of us),
- the internet is made of people bringing your glass in the restaurant,
- you navigate on the spider's fiber,
- ...

That must feel weird considering it's the same words that you use for other parts of your life

Loop in python

Wisdom tooth is trying to burst through my fucking gum, but it's still less annoying than a friend I have who:
- Constantly posts shitty 'inspiring' quotes on his facebook and tags everyone on his friendlist in 'em.
- Watches motivational speakers and constantly links you up to them.
- Tells you to 'aim higher' or to 'look for a job in a bigger company' or I won't achieve 'the success'.

..bitch, what kind of success have you achieved to tell me what to do with my god damn life?

Habit I'm trying to fix?
Doing it all myself. I've been timeboxing my problems and forcing myself to ask instead of forcing myself to just figure it out myself. Communication isn't my strong point.

I would build something to go in space. Probably in the energy or propulsion field.

I have zero Knowledge in those, but hey, unlimited time.

About a year ago, the organization I work for decided we don't really need team leads. We would be more self organizing if we didn't have technical leads. Now, one of those former leads who feels out of place can't get over it. She is constantly trying to add her two cents -- which is totally cool -- but in such a way as to make it sound/seem like we need to do what she says. Also, based on everything I've seen from her coding ability, I'm not sure how she ever became a tech lead. That's coming from me, and let me tell you, I feel SUPER junior sometimes. Like how the hell did they ever offer me a job junior. Well anyway, another dude was working with her the other day (we do pair programming) and snapped. He flipped out for like a solid 3 minutes on her. It was the most awkward thing I think I've ever experienced.

Today I went into the 1 holer restroom right after my boss. I braced myself for the worse as the toilet seat was down. To my surprise it smelled like bubble gum. So my boss's shit doesn't stink, it smells like bubble gum.

What that hell do you have to eat to make your shit smell like bubble gum?

This summer, i will have all the time in the world. I will be finally free (as in, alone at home). And, most importantly, i will have a months old kitten to take care of.

I'm so excited.

PM: OK team. There seems to have been some confusion over card AAA-111. So from now on we need to be specific in the cards and make sure we have AC and a description of the issue

Devs: Thanks, we appreciate that

PM: makes card
Card: Why is it slow (yes, that's the actual card title)
Card: ... nothing else, completely blank

Devs: Wtf?

PM: these are supposed to be conversation starters guys!

Devs: JUST TELL US THE PROBLEM! WE'LL ASK WHEN WE NEED TO

Took a job at a bank for the money. The job is super boring. So much bureaucracy. I don't know what I am doing here...

One of my online service is on haveibeenpwned 😕

I have no words to describe the last meeting.

One of the project managers was putting his feet on the desk, chewing his gum with an open mouth, and playing around with his phone.

The people in the room were so tense and looks defensive, which is normal if you have dirty shoes in your direction.
Luckily I'm remote but at least I know that won't like to move to his team at any cost.

just bought (rented) my first dedicated server, for flipping 10€/month. let's see how it goes! boy, am i excited for my new toy...

"No signature of method: build_4z0stktnpkjsyfd6ol74tcab1.android() is applicable for argument types: (build_4z0stktnpkjsyfd6ol74tcab1$_run_closure2) values: [build_4z0stktnpkjsyfd6ol74tcab1$_run_closure2@5edbe9fa]"

Thank You gradle. This is very useful.... FML

One of the colleagues I am close with is changing teams. They will still be around the company, in fact the office of the team they are going to is right by mine. It just sucks to lose a good developer and friend from the team.

Whenever I see a website ask
1. Accept all cookies
2. Customize selection

I can see what they're really saying...

1. Accept! and I'll fuck off out of your way and let you read.

2. So you wanna read the content heh? Step into our office. Ok then, lets go through them one-by-one and you can explain to me why you think you don't need that cookie. and then MAYBE we'll fuck off our of your face so you can read the scant few lines of text standing between you and finishing your homework/job/whatever.

Going to release the biggest feature I have implemented for Product I work on. Change in more than 150 files and it is very very critical.
Wish me luck..

My brother (not a dev) asked me for help for his A* algorithm he's trying to optimize.

I'm so proud

ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?

I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?

about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.

Checking out a project on GitHub:

> Using advanced condition-based AI logic, Compactor can skip over files that have been previously found to be incompressible, making re-running Compactor on a previously compressed folder much quicker.
> (Yes, it's an if statement and a trivial hash database, hush)

Guys, serious question.

I work in a startup as a cto. We have a very low budget and considering hiring people offshore.

Does anyone have some experience in hiring and piloting a remote team? Would you recommend it?

Piddling, and trying to learn some game stuff. Very simple game stuff.
Example code:

if (level % 10 === 0...) {
speed += 0.3;
...
} else if (level % 5 === 0...) {
speed += 0.1;
...
}

But because Javascript, console log reads:
speed: 0.5 <-- this is the initial console log
speed: 0.6
speed: 0.8999999999999999
speed: 0.9999999999999999

Well done Javascript, well done.

If you could choose one, what should happen in 2020 :
1. Apple let developer build iOS apps on non Apple machines
2. NPM/Maven/... run 10x faster
3. Javascript dies and gets replaced by a better language
4. Governments stop trying to ruin encryption
5. Facebook splits
6. Quantum computers are being sold for consumer use
7. We have our first high - level generic AI working

HEYYY!!
Glad to see ya all, how have ya been?

Gosh, it has been forever since the last time! I feel like I forgot about this platform too much, it feels good to have a place full of wonderful people to speak to, and you don't see those everywhere. I'm sorry I haven't been here much, it was mostly due to me not being able to practice programming much and thus falling back on tech stuff.

BUT - that period is now over. Maybe.
I'm gonna be more active on here, in the past recent years I've seen how bad most social medias turned out to be, with a few very special exceptions. I think devRant deserves more activity, so for better or for worse (hopefully better), I'm back!

I think my biggest problem right now is the need for a better PC, one Italians would call "a PC with the controcazzi", lol. A good one, is what I'm sayin. But would ya look at that, thr moment I start searching up for one, a friggin pandemic takes place and prices skyrocket! Ain't that fun. XD

I would probably have found an awesome PC build by now if I knew jack shit about hardware, but unfortunately I was always more into software than hardware. ^^"
So if anybody has any idea, I mean, I'm open to suggestions~ they'd be very appreciated, and thanks in advance. <3

But enough about that - how are you holding up? I hope you're doing good.
Misadventures and bad stuff happen, but I promise you we're all gonna get out of it soon. In the meantime, always remember to drink water, eat properly, keep yourself sanitized, exercise, and do things you love doing. That's what life is about. I'm looking forward to hearing from y'all, once again. 💙

Keep fighting the good fight, and kick ass! And chew gum, too.

does the -- button even get used? like, ever?

I wasn't with this company pre-pandemic. The people that were with the company had no idea that they wouldn't be with the company when the pandemic hit, so everything was sort of in a half state when my team was formed and picked it up 2 years later. Not their fault, I get it.

Well...mostly not their fault. Never in the history of good ideas, did anyone ever say "Hey, we should have these 15 variables named Object{number}!" Yes, 15 of them. And they are set `Object3 = object3Variable`. I wish I could make this up, but I can't, and it makes me sad.

So we have this team that deploys some code. We had a change in that code that "we" forgot about. Turns out, a dev on our team decided it would be cool to rename an endpoint. Why? Great question. Because. So this code gets deployed, but the call to that endpoint didn't get deployed. System 2 tries to call the endpoint, 404. We roll back, we're searching, after like an hour, we find it. We go to TFS to see who did it. The dev grabs my keyboard and starts checking diffs, somehow managing to skip their commit (from 5 months earlier). I take back my keyboard and *surprise* it was the commit that was skipped. WTF? Why did you rename that endpoint? What do you mean you didn't do it? It has your name right there!

Getting ready to start working a little something something on the side. Client (read as uncle-in-law) wants it in Wordpress because he
1) has heard of it
2) can buy themes. I told him I can make it look any way he wants and use something else, something that I'm actually familiar with. He wants Wordpress. At least it looks like writing my own plugins to do stuff will be really easy.

Even seniors make mistakes. In case you were ever doubting yourself - just remember that.

I just had a very senior level programmer on my staff add a function to a production system that issues an SQL UPDATE query without a WHERE clause. Fortunately, only the 1st entry succeeded and the rest failed due to "duplicate record" errors. Clearly he had intended to do a SELECT to check if an entry was present. If it was present, do an UPDATE, otherwise do an INSERT (think UPSERT - but done manually). However instead in the insert part they were both UPDATE's. The first update was normal looking but the second UPDATE was just this weird malformed-looking thing where he tried to do an UPDATE but to every field including the key fields. Clearly he was thinking about an insert but actually writing it as an update. Every now and then I need to remind myself that these things happen. The guy's not dumb - just made a mistake.

I'm just happy it "failed unsuccessfully".

A bot that warns me when I get a 🌟 on github...

I had to shut it down because of the spam 😁

Just spent the whole week trying to build an Ionic app for iOS. Of course, I don't have a Mac.

I should charge Apple for the enormous amount of time I lost because of their f***ing policy. Seriously guys ? We're in 2018.

The first day of the Universe was a Thursday.

Not really a recruitment experience, but when I was a uni student, my IT teacher told me face to face that "C++ is not object oriented"

Fuck UPS and their API Documentation. Has anyone here ever integrated their API ?
Their API documentation doesn't mention any sandbox or testing accounts.
If I click on their create access key button, it takes me to a form which requires a real payment method and address which seems like it's meant for real stuff not testing.

ranters,
how do you deal with procrastination?

Can anyone explain to me how is it possible that some devs like to work on macos?

This feels like a punishment to me. Every time.

yay! i might even crack the thousand in some months ^^

My upwork account is banned for sending too many proposals without getting too many jobs.
Got 2 jobs out of 35-40 proposals sent.

be me, just casually watching a cs:go fragmovie. there's always 10 seconds of ads before those, so i use the time to sip some coffee. at that second, i hear the following words..

"The first ever blockchain gaming marketplace in history"

...now i need to clean my keyboard.

WTF Ubuntu! Why did you uninstall my nvidia drivers.

Not my job.

> open algo
> read 6 posts
> 3 are from newbies
...

jase, is that you?

Hmm...interesting I want that gum in that...

I'm getting tired of coding. Not really the coding part, the dealing with people who tell me what to code and why part. Sort of considering making a move into a scrum master or PM role just so I can get fired when I say "No, we're not changing everything they've been working on in the middle of the sprint" or maybe "Yeah, no we're not going to put in a bunch of tickets to change the UI/UX without first talking to the designers, because that's what they do. Yes, I realize we aren't Facebook, but do you realize we "compete" with them because a huge number of people will compare our usability to theirs? (even if just subconsciously)"

Multi-mini-rant time!

1. The Case of the Craptop

Someone wants me to fix their permadead battery, cut-up charger, and what amounts to a laptop held together with GUM... all with software. The charger is like 6 bends from snapping entirely, and requires fucking with. Hard drive is on last legs. Battery's like $50 on its own.
Fuck me...

2. The Fuckery Continues...

Wednesday, it's gonna be -30°F or worse with wind chill. School isn't closing. Normal temps are like 40°F rn, so it's not like it's usual weather or anything.
Fuck me. Again.

In 2020, the Earth slightly accelerated its spin.
For the first time in history, we need to add a *negative* leap second in our datetime systems.
...
Which means all the datetime libs need an update. I hope they anticipated this.

Back at the office. I want my bed already

Started a side project.
Learnt flutter and firebase.
Started coding app.
Four months pass by.
App is mostly ready.
Wakes up on Saturday morning.
Updates Android Studio and SDK because, why not?

Build failed!
Dependency depreciation warnings!
Java errors!
Firebase errors!
Emulator stopped running!

Wify is angry with me as we planned shopping but now this. Fortunately, she's also in IT, so she understands..

FML! Spent the entire day stackoverflowing and fixing errors!

8PM evening, I am back to Friday's status. My shoulder and neck hurts but my mind is chilled.

I received devRant stickers a couple of months ago, but I forgot to post a picture. Would you guys believe me or I have to prove.

i'm afraid that having discovered the power of multithreading has made my code worse.

case in point: me has to calculate an unknown 3rd point of an equilateral triangle many, many times. however, me doesn't get the formula, so me goes ahead and loops over all possible coordinates until it finds the correct one.

yep, it's definitely gotten worse.

started to rewrite one of my functional-but-horrible projects. after 2 hours i realize i'm starting to use the same kind of "if it works, great" style.
jesus, i need some sleep.

I have a unique opportunity to go to the websummit for peanuts.
As the staff requires us to install the websummit app before the event, I did yesterday....

Now I'm being literally spammed by every sales person on the app chat. Some even posted *before I registered* !

My god, they're everywhere !

compiling Qt... send help

Create your own :-D

XCode is crap. Even worse than eclipse.

Convince me otherwise.

That moment when you find a new awesome feature in your IDE... <3

Not usually one to repost memes, but this is just far too relatable.

Best: the one I made for myself
Worst: the one I'm being forced to use (Looking at you, Xcode)

can we not be like other humor sites and just ignore the damn ESC?
thank you, devrant.

qt compilation 2: electric boogaloo.

$ ./configure [dozens of options]
< building qmake, blah blah, success blah blah, run make && make install, blah blah >
$ make -j 8
< works for 5 minutes, then hits an error without telling me what the error is >
$ make -j 8
< works for 5 minutes until the same error. this time i notice it rm's a directory right before using it >
$ make # multithreaded fuckery, perhaps?
< fails after 5 seconds with different error >
$ make -j 2
< same >
$ make clean # fuck it, clean up and try again
< fails after 2 minutes of cleaning >

The C/C++ infrastructure. just everything about it. and i'm not even using dependencies here.

As odd as it may be, but when I find an old 5000 line kshell script on an old build server that has its own built in menu happiness fills me.

I've been coding professionally for about 6 years now. I'm changing jobs, and I have this fear that I'm going to get there, they're going to decide I have no idea what I'm doing, and fire me. I'm the sole income for my family, and this shitty thought scares the crap out of me. Does anyone else go through this?

So I've been working with this company for a few years. Great company, really is, very few problems. Recently, the intern on my team was offered a full time position that he will be starting January 2020. More recently, I found out that his starting salary is going to be about $500 more than my current salary. I just got a raise about a month ago. How do I go about addressing this? I don't really wanna leave this company, but on the other hand, I would kind of like having four years at this company respected a bit. I've done good work, I've been loyal. Hell, that raise about a month ago was my second this year. Don't know what's next.

The CI on Mac is broken. Again.

Next time I have a client that wants me to work with Apple, I'll double my rate.

A normal day at upwork

That feeling when you know your project manager is going to ask for something that they said wouldn't be a thing...

Change the main backbone of an application (2 - 3 weeks) in order to facilitate the upgrade of the application from AngularJS to Angular (which they tell us is going to happen...eventually) or, rewrite the application (~4 months) in Angular. What arguments should we be using to get the rewrite? Our pleas are falling upon def ears.

New to working with git in a large scale application. I've used it in personal things, but not at an enterprise scale.

"genius" me: git pull origin {{dev branch name}}
"genius" me: why won't any of these tests work?
"genius" me: spends 2 hours working on fixing some tests

actual genius that I work with: Dude, revert that shit and pull from master, the tests will work. Don't pull from {{dev branch name}} because you have no idead what might be there.

This makes sense. Things are started and abandoned in favor of new priorities all the time. At least my PM is pretty cool and didn't freak out that I wasted that couple of hours like at a previous position.

Also, git is far superior to mstfs. Very smooth and easy to use once you get the hang of it.

So, we're preforming a re-write an application. It's on an application (actual mortgage application, not 'app') that has 4 different entry points. We have the most common entry point converted to our re-written application with plans to have the next couple done over the next several weeks. Yesterday, the old version broke. It was under the impression that it could grab any row that matched the borrower and then check against a hash of that data to see if it could proceed. It can't. You can't hash data set 1 and expect it to be the same as the hash for data set 2. Not a thing. When asked, the only answer we could give right away was "We'll fix it, give us a couple of minutes" and "Sorry, bad {{appName}} is bad. We don't know root cause yet. We'll let you know when we do." Was pulled aside by my manager and told my answer was unsatisfactory and I shouldn't give answers like that. I get it, "Bad {{appName}} is bad" isn't great, but it's not like we were going to give that and leave it! We needed some time!

Been searching for an offshore data server for at least 5 fucking hours. There's nothing worse than searching for decent low-end offers outside of europe.

Fuck google's link hijacking!

If you don't like it, go into devtools and type:

rwt = null;

-- You're welcome.

You ever look at the guy next to you, back at your computer and just ask why?

How do you guys deal with the anxiety of everything just going to shit? I keep having this feeling that my applications are held together by paper clips and chewing gum.

Not just my code, but the language, framework, compiler/interpreter, OS, and the hundreds of libs holding it all together. Like.. really? If this was a physical building, I would not want to live in it! haha

How to realize that experience matters : make a demo where all your code works, but everything fails because the other dev has done a shitty job 😅

I hate when I visit a new web framework's site and see documentation that promotes HTML tags like this:
<input type='text' name='foo' value='{{val}}' />

If you don't know enough about which quotes you should use and why... I have no faith in the quality of your software solution.

to just do my shit, without working for anyone. really, I just want to dwell on my side projects forever.

Le Angular programmer

Me: I need to add all these fields across this 30 page (seriously) questionnaire to the dataLayer for Google Analytics...I'll see if I can loop over all the controls and get the native element so that I can do things with it.

Also me: WTF do you mean I don't have access to the native element? Damn it! What does Google say?

**terrible french accent**
A few moments later
**end terrible french accent**

Me: I don't want to have to create a directive to put on every single one of these fields. That's dumb. Not gonna do it...bad vanilla JavaScript?

**terrible french accent**
Several minutes later
**end terrible french accent**

Me: Wait...if we use this directive then the directive can handle all the things AND we can use it outside of this questionnaire. The rest of the app can send this data so that Google Analytics can know all the things

Man Google..You sure do know what I want before I know what I want...Are you spying on me too?

so the webcam light thing just went on and off again by itself... i guess it's time I put a piece of gum over it

Like many of you, I'm currently working from home. This is great, and I hope I can stay remote when this is all said and done. That said, there are a few things I don't like. First and foremost, I need to connect to the VPN in order to do a large number of my tasks. This sucks for multiple reasons, the current worst being that I can't use Fiddler while connected to the VPN. This really handcuffs me in certain situations. Anyone currently using a proxy that works while on VPN? I tried a couple of others, including Burp Suite. But they didn't install on my MacBook. Apple didn't like not being able to peer into the depths of their soul, or some such nonsense

mfw someone makes completely irrelevant OS-bashing comments in an issue that's barely related to OSs... someone tells him to fuck off... and then he posts a FUCKING PHARELL WILLIAMS VIDEO! ON GITHUB!

i'll go straight back to bed, bye.

I needed to install an extra Ethernet card on my machine at work. The process of getting it from the IT department was fairly easy, but the damn things didn't have the small screws you need, in order for the card to not hang on the PCI-E port...

Turns out finding that kind of screws is way more annoying than the card itself. :/ I don't get why they were not included, if they are essential for the operation of the card...

In python, is there a way to make this work?

----------
# list of people
people = ["Nick", "Sue", "Bob"]

# class instance
Bob.pockets = ["gum", "paperclip", "coins"]

# convert string to prefix of a class instance
Print(people[2].pockets())

----------

This is the simplest way to show what I'm needing to figure out.

I need to convert a string into the prefix of a class instance.

I'm having trouble figuring it out.

Did anyone try the bulletproof coffee?

What's your experience?

getting started.

did i mention scoop is a blessing?

oh and also i'm using powershell now, i guess.

Apple screwed up with Epic proportions

!rant

as someone with frontend-phobia, bootstrap is the holy grail.

I logged into BitBucket, opened my repo, and clicked on my Trello board. Why did I have to log into my Trello board? Trello is now connected to your Atlassian account, I got an email about it. It's the same username/password. It exists. They know it does, because they're the ones that told me. Create a token and pass it to Trello for me so that I don't have to log in. It isn't all that difficult. I can hear you now: "What if they have a different Trello account they want to log into because...{reasons}?" Then you can have a handy little "Switch Account" button or something that will log them out, log them into their new account, and display that data. One button push for them, no buttons for the rest of us.

currently I'm feeling like a overheated gatling gun....

We'll finish at the weekend a year plus of work.

Should I be happy? Maybe.

But currently it's just frustration cause the whole week was satanic prep work.

Lots of fsicking boring shit, planning, migraine, connecting the dots.

I wish you'd get a nice dose of "fuck everything" medicine at the work for weeks like that.

Remember the chewing gum dispenser from your childhood?

Like that. ID card in. Fun pills out.

(If drugs were only without side effects and addiction.... )

Didn't know just chewing a gum can make you lazy enough to not get up from your desk and help your teammates in the project. Don't know, either they're fucked up, or I am.

I got called for a 1 on 1 with my manager. Nothing out of the ordinary, I thought. We have those from time to time. This time it was because I've been losing the trust of my team. I haven't been communicating with them very effectively and it's taken a toll on our working relationship.

We talk on slack when we run into issues, and we give a daily update at the end of the day and during stand up in the morning.

Anyone have any suggestions on ways I can increase the communication to help earn my teams trust back?

Amazon just launched DocumentDB, a clone of MongoDB.
I personally waited for this for a long time. How about you?

Anyone else get janky scrolling when reading the comments on a rant? I don't know what kinda funky thing they tried to do with the scrolling but it always strongly resists me scrolling down the page.

Anyways, I have to do this in the DevTools console to stop it:
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replaceAll('scroll','');

<!-- start of xyzAwesome widget-->
<DIV class = outerWRAPPER >
<DIV id=specialContainer class="small">
<DIV CLASS= "extra-large">
<DIV class="inner_wrapper blue">
What do you mean my code sucks?
</span>
</span>
</div></span>
<!-- end of sub container -->

Do you need the Konami code in your life? A simple (read as: doesn't have to be entered in perfectly), un-refactored (very messy, first pass by pretty tired dev. probably full of extra, slow crap that is misspelled), IIFY to add the Konami code to your next personal site (don't do this at work, might not go over well...). could be fun?

```(() => { const konami = ['ArrowUp','ArrowUp','ArrowDown','ArrowDown','ArrowLeft','ArrowRight','ArrowLeft','ArrowRight','b','a']; let keysPressed = []; document.getElementsByTagName('body')[0].addEventListener('keyup',(e) => {const findAllIndicies = target => {const allIndicies = []; keysPressed.forEach((key, idx) => {if (key===target) {allIndicies.push(idx)}}); return allIndicies;}keysPressed.push(e.key);if(keysPressed.length >= 10) {const startingPoints = findAllIndicies('ArrowUp'); startingPoints.forEach(point => {const working = keysPressed.slice(point); if (working.length >= 10) { const miniSlice = working.slice(0,10); const check = konami.filter(k => !miniSlice.included(k)); if (check.length === 0) { keysPressed = []; ADD_SOMETHING_COOL_HERE_FOR_YOUR_WEBSITE}}})}})})()```

Who's going to the websummit?

Having a code-gasam over here because reuse in Angular > reuse in AngularJS(AJS). Throw in reactive forms instead of template driven forms in AJS and I'm done.

An online website objectivity checker.

What do you mean " 'StyleProvider' cannot be used as a JSX component"? That was added 8 months ago. Did something change in React 16 (yup 16) in the last few days since I ran an npm i? Dammit? Now I have to go dig through commits and see what changed

Restgoose - Model driven REST API framework for node.js and MongoDB

- throw up and decide to rewrite
- start rewrite confidently
- copy code of old project

when you just want to set up a tiny automation and end up compiling a custom snap package for 3 hours...