i kinda feel embarrassed all the time. i feel like it's never enough, i don't know enough, there's so much i don't know. i do enjoy my work and sometimes there are moments where i'm proud of what i've done, or these "i'm a fucking genious" moments when i solve a bug or a certain problem or when something finally works. but if i have to do something new, i tend to panic a bit, as long as i do not yet have a concrete solution in mind.
my perception contrasts with the feedback people give me, but even when i'm happy about the positive feedback, i tend to think to myself, "they're wrong, it's not that great"..

Totally overwhelmed ATM.

A few years ago my boss held a brainstorming meeting to go over features for an internal reporting app. I brought up we should have related business news stories scroll on the page header like Fox business or something. He laughed and said sure. Two things happened after that.

1. Found out the marquee tag still works in chrome.
2. Yeah you bet I put that shit in there.

Anyways a meeting was held a few days after where my boss chewed me out for actually doing it. He showed the app to his boss and got laughed at by his leadership team when they saw news headlines scroll over analytics graphs.

After writing this I realize this is more his embarrassment than mine. Have a great Tuesday fam.

At the beginning of my IT career I was so desperate to get into this field that I even read a PHP 4.3 intro book and applied for a php dev role

yes, I was THAT desperate. Good thing I wasn't hired.

Named a variabile `orgAss`. Noticed in a PR

The older I get and the more perspective I have on my career, the more I cringe at the times I thought I was awesome but I really wasn’t, especially in the eyes of or in comparison to others I’ve worked with who were much better at this than I am. In that respect, I have very few stories that _aren’t_ embarrassing. I sometimes wonder how I managed to stay employed this long. And whether any stories here on DevRant are about me.

Almost a year and a half. I was so overworked and my failures were so impactful. I would go home and obsess over work all evening and have fever dreams on nights that I could sleep. It was so mentally painful that I was going to jump off a building after a few drinks to make it stop. A military turned civilian doctor told me that I showed symptoms like soldiers in prolonged conflict. He told me “quit or it will kill you” without even knowing about the suicide stuff. So I quit the job and to this day still suffer flashbacks and have crazy mood swings.

Burnout is real. Dangerous stress is real.

One of my online service is on haveibeenpwned 😕

probably when 8 hours before rushed release i pushed my part of the codebase into the wrong branch which fucked up everyone else's rushed release of different parts of that codebase and now a colleague had to spend several hours unfucking the repo on top of finishing the rushed release of his part of the codebase.

oh and in the end my code didn't even work as it was supposed to.

Sharepoint

In my first dev role I commented out the code for sending acknowledgement emails when a user placed their order, and didn't realize when I committed it. It got pushed to production and we found it a week or so later.

Was probably a factor in me getting sacked from there.