Acknowledge my code 😂

I mean.. how hard is it to FUCKING INDENT CODE ??!!!?!?!!???!?

So today this Mother F**ker get HR to back him up to accuse me of not communicating well in the team because I consistently asked him (the code owner) why he kept coding not following the coding guideline.

How is it not communicating? He literally ghosted me and blocked me every time I ask him questions. Which I somewhat don't understand what he is trying to do. HR lady told me that a senior software engineer should have the knowledge to understand everything and all the code.

But the code looks like this :

No-code platforms always like to forget that writing the code is *literally* the easiest part of software development 🙄

Even your IDE is sick of that utter bullshit you call "code".

Found this aesthetic gem in an ionic project which I have to enhance now 👌🏻

I’m surrounded by idiots.

I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.

Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!

While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.

To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.

He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.

This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.

It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.

This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.

The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.

What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.

No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.

Asdfajsdfk.

Interviewer: "I'll checked your GitHub, your side projects looks very interesting! Tell me about your other hobbies. "

Me:"Other hobbies? "

I would absolutely love it if people would write their own stupid code instead of blindly mixing everyone else's mental diarrhea together and pouring the resulting mess into their bloody stupid IDE. At least then I could insult them properly. As it is, they're outsourcing their fucking stupidity to the lowest fucking bidder and then bragging about how quickly they get everything done. And management eats it up! No wonder everything is a slow, tangled, unmaintanable mess.

I can't fix much of anything because almost none of it is in my control. It's all autogenerated bullshit glued together with laziness and poor taste. "But Root, why is fixing this taking so long?" Gee, I wonder why. Maybe if someone had built it somewhere in realm of correctly the first time, it wouldn't have all fallen apart when someone looked at it the wrong way!

Seriously, there's no way this pile of stale fertilizer could have passed QA.

@dfox Can we have the option to include code blocks in rants and comments? So that they're formatted as monospace text? I mean we can get around it with pictures, but it would be a nice option to include code with an appropriate font. =)

Code works.
I'm happy.
Maybe she's happy.

Code doesn't work.
I look frustrated.
She's definitely not happy.

Theory:
The least experienced developers write code with the higest complexity.

My current company is moving to a no code platform.

Also me planning to moving into another company :)

My devDuck is ill. I'm unable to code well.

My default algorithm

1. Applied to a tech company based in Seattle
2. Interviewed
3. Got rejected because "At the moment, they do not hire international students."

Then, why did you interview me in the first place? :')

Behold the PHP pyramid of doom!
You know what kind of code is coming... a big pile of shite! 😍

Obviously you have to return by reference (&) because of performance and memory reasons. ☝️🤓

Man... I've seen code...

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods

Interviewer: "Using this 2D array and calculate.."
Me: "This input isn't a 2D array though. Do you want me to parse or construct a 2D array then.."
"It is a 2D array."
"Uh.. ok..and if it's not what if we.."
"Look my notes say you must use this input, and treat it as a 2D Array"
"What if I wrote a function for a 2D array similar to this input, but actually a 2D array"
"You must use only the input provided"
Me: does rain dance code for 20 minutes.
Interviewer: "hmm, maybe it wasn't a 2D Array. I like your efforts but that's all the time we have today."

I promise I can code, sometimes. It does help to have correct questions to give correct answers.

The source code to Linux has been leaked

haha, I've got to start adding this to all of my code...

> get 5 upvotes on Stack Overflow for an answer with some code
> update your profile to "influencer"

I’m happiest about code I deleted.

Deleted code is easy to maintain, easy to read and it makes applications run faster.
Moreover applications take less disk space and are faster to download.

The more happy than about deleted code I’m about deleted software or destroyed computers.

"This will fail in 2022, but there's no way my code is still gonna be used then"
- Some Microsoft engineer in the '90s

Managers who don't code

The 1st rule of Javascript is: You don't admit you program Javascript.

The 1st rule of Rust is: You tell everyone you program Rust and how it is better than basically any programming language that existed or will exist.

The 1st rule of C++ is: There are no rules because everyone was too busy debugging templates to think of any rules.

The 1st rule of Java is: You must have excessive numbers of classes and boilerplate. The more boilerplate the better.

The 1st rule of Haskell is: It is great to learn, but you will never see it again once you leave college.

Math and Code are Friends

My graduation project partner was strange person

Favorite IDE is VIM

Forget how to use git

But somehow she could code most of the app

I asked what does she do when mistake happens, she answered "delete and write again"

I suggest github but she is "to embarrassed to show her code on internet"

She send .zip file of her code to me

Go to univ library to copy some code because she don't believe random code on internet

Of course verson of code on book in library is too old, but she prefer fix herself

But she is overall good person, so I can graduate next month

Web api response with a 200 status code

{
error: ".......",
errorCode: "..."
}

Grinds my gears

When you ask for documentation and they hand you a Word document with screenshots of the changed code

When you have to support over 20 years of legacy code.

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman:
What do you code, anyway?

Pvt. Cowboy:
SIR, JAVA, SIR!

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman:
JAVA? Holy dogshit! Only steers and queers code in Java!! And you don't much look like a steer to me so that kind of narrows it down. Do you suck dick?

Pvt. Cowboy:
SIR, NO, SIR!

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman:
I BET YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY WHO'D WRITE LEGACY CODE AND NOT HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO WRITE ANY COMMENTS.

What if I told you..

..the //TODO comment you just added to your code will never get done?

These little mascots are protecting my server and ensuring only the cleanest of code is written 😂

My advisor thought that my MCL algorithm behaves a bit strange, so he wanted me to investigate it. I said I'd be happy to review the code because I anyway considered refactoring, and asked if I can have another pair of eyes to help me.
A more senior PhD student was assigned to help me, and by the suggestion of my advisor we tested my code against a very well-written and well-performing implementation of MCL. This implementation was written by another professor, who is a close friend of my advisor and the actual supervisor of the student assigned to help.
But this implementation was optimized for a very specific type of maps, and on the maps I worked on it just failed consistently. The student, in a misguided attempt to protect the pride of his advisor and subsequently his, wasted days adding code and fine-tuning the implementation.
In the meantime, my MCL has a stable configuration that converges on both types of maps. It behaves differently, but the outcome is about the same as the other implementation.
I am a little sick of wasting my time (week+) on someone else's attempt to reassure their ego, so I'm doing my planned research work on the weekend...

It’s simple.
coffee —> code
tea —> good code
hot chocolate —> great code !

I actively avoided looking at my coworker code because i didnt want to micro manage. God i was so wrong

code consists of many sad dudes.

big companies have the shittiest code.

Me, talking to a colleague:
"No, thats impossible. The problem can not be in my code. Let me show you why. You see, the code does this, and than it goes here, and then… oohhhh…. I’ve found the bug."

When your code finally works but you have no idea how:

My manager doesn’t like code comments, want us to remove from PRs 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

There ain’t no feeling like replacing 6 lines of code with 6 characters of Regex.

You wanna know why PHP has such a poor reputation?
It's because of imbeciles who code like this:

Just spent 10+ hours refactoring a code, and at the end I've figure it out a one line fix to the problem... just wasted 10 hours of my life.. :)

When you check out some older code and realise you are not the brightest snowflake

I've told the same story multiple times but the subject of "painfully incompetent co-worker" just comes up so often.

I have one coworker who never really grew out of the mindset of a college student who just took "Intro to Programming". If a problem couldn't be solved with a textbook solution, then he would waste several weeks struggling with it until eventually someone else would pick up the ticket and finish it in a couple days. And if he found a janky workaround for a problem, he'd consider that problem "solved" and never think about it again.

He lasted less than a year before he quit and went off to get a job somewhere else, leaving the rest of our team to comb through his messy code and fix it. Unfortunately, our team is mostly split across multiple projects and our processes were kind of a mess until recently, so his work was a black box of code that had never been reviewed.

I opened the box and found only despair and regret. He was using deprecated features from older versions of the language to work around language bugs that no longer existed. He overused constants to a ridiculous degree (hundreds of constants, all of which are used exactly once in the entire codebase, stored in a single mutable map variable named "values" because why not). He didn't really seem to understand DRY at all. His code threw warnings in the IDE and had weird errors that were difficult to reproduce because there was just a whole pile of race conditions.

I ended up having to take a figurative hacksaw to it, ripping out huge sections of unnecessary crap and modernizing it to use recent language features to get rid of the deprecation warnings and intermittent errors. And then I went through the same process again for every other project he'd touched.

Good riddance.

Yes, high quality code...

A friend asking me to fix his bugs in the code.... But when I review his code .....

Omg

Twitch returning errors with 200 status code

WHY
ARE
YOU
WRITING
CODE

karens on stack overflow...

Going live on a Friday night, and you haven't written any tests 🤗

When you no longer understanding your code, the feeling 😂

if (time >= 10)
{
SleepyTime();
}
else
{
WriteCode();
}

it finally arrived

Code snippets without dependencies ❤️

IS IT REALLY SO FUCKING HARD TO CARE ABOUT CODE QUALITY AND READABILITY FFS

Do you think being a great software engineer is simply hard work and passion?
Or there is also a component of natural affinity, certain personality traits, etc.

I see AI autocorrecting code in ide before it gets compiled and complex ui getting exported from psd to code in few seconds

At a large enterprise-sized company, you are protecting the code and product from outside / bad actors constantly trying to break in. (🧠)

At a medium or small-sized company, you are protecting the code and product from clueless customers or users who can potentially break things for themselves. (🧠🧠)

At a sTaRtUp, you are protecting the code and product from being destroyed by the incompetent owners themselves. (🧠🧠🧠+)

code != cold .....

Nightmare IRL:

Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.

You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.

Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.

Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.

PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"

FML

First code review ever, and it's for my job.

Guy was really nice and polite.
Even correctly guessed I don't have much experience with professional coding outside my associates degree and prior job where I was the only programmer most of the time I was there.

Said that since it works functionally and is such a small program there's nothing wrong with it if it meets our purposes ( low priority project )

Then he politely in his words 'nitpicks' 3 points and gives me ideas on how to make it more reliable and less likely to need replaced or completely refactoring in the future.

I think my first time getting code reviewed went well. And one of the things he mentioned was something I didn't know how to do and only took 20 some minutes to implement so I also learned something new from this

"Writing good code is a charity". ( - saves time, effort, mental-health, & career of next developer).

I just joined a new organization and saw a single file with 9433 lines of code. Advance RIP to me.

Don’t comment bad code—rewrite it.

Is it common to look at code you wrote 1 to 2 years ago and think "what the hell was i thinking, this mess needs refactoring"?

how I learned to code

Short one, but it really gets me every time:

PLEASE tell me that I am not the only one typing hex-numbers in all caps!!!

I literally can't stand to see them in lowercase!!!

Every code I use with hex numbers in it (primarily ASM and C) I HAVE TO convert them into uppercase!!!

Is it just me and my stupid OCD or are there other ones like me????

The truth behind Ai

Rainy morning days are the best days to code 😍

Boss: we can't accept your MR request until you fix the problems we highlighted, everything is blocked and the client is getting angry

My brother in Christ, I understand your concerns but I need you to understand: you decided to block a perfectly working and documented PR because you didn't like having "<!-- -->" in a couple of HTML files and menial bullshit like that.
It may not be the most elegant thing ever but don't put on me the responsibility of your blocks or I'll smash your face with the coffee mugs I've used to work until midnight so that you could deliver the product in time after someone else delayed the deadline twice already.
Thanks and get fucked ASAP.

Y u no work code?!? hahah 😂

With C3D your embedded systems code themselves!!!

While I code...

I came to this company. I saw spaghetti code. I told myself to write clean code and also clean the existing code. I took too much pressure for too little return. I am done with this shit. I will now write clean code but fuck the old spaghetti code!

I downloaded Lapsus$ source code leaks from samsung, nvidia and microsoft, looked at them and I think I’ll delete it cause I don’t like shitty code on my personal computer.

You don’t need to spend a dime in learning how to code 👨‍💻

do you guys ever use the mouse?

Nothing is as boring and frustrating as cloning a ripo from GitHub
run it then you get 3, 4 syntax errors
you fix them
then boom a library throws a hug ass exception

at that point I just delete the damn thing

developer: *deploying spaghetti code to production*
hacker: *alters the code with an injection*
developer:

to code as little as possible next year

Really should stop not caring about access modifiers. Nearly everything I code is public.

dress code really brings me to the reality of going back to the office

"What do you do for a living?"

I go to meetings, write Jira tickets, and occasionally I code

Sometimes my boss wants me to fire a bullet without a gun, they want me to throw the bullet so hard that it feels like it was shot via a gun.

Maintaining a legacy app sucks so bad when you don't even have the full codebase and some douche bag decided to just randomly throw the codebase on the fucking SVN. 😠

During my rookie days I used to glorify the fact that I wrote production grade code using vim.

Lol, explains why I would delay on delivery

Bad dev habit I'm trying to fix?

Code addiction.

Manager : you are fired

Me: *pausing Netflix*
Me : why?

Current Job Title:
Hoarder Bug Exterminator
Details:
Fixing code for projects that have not been refactored ever in 20+ years.

In India, the most common languages are: English, Hindi & JavaScript.

So, I'm a veteran. I served in the Army as an information system operator/analyst. Glorified help desk, set up some equipment in the field, a few other small things. But I can make fun of vets, other branches, and those serving. I've paid my dues, and they're OK with it. Hell, they all do it too. But you have to be a vet or currently serving.

I feel like that with tech too. My buddies and I call each other geeks/nerds all the time. I get annoyed (read as pissed off) when someone from the outside does it.

I got an email from a recruiter that said something along the lines of "..basically a bunch of really smart nerds building software..." What the actual fuck? Go eat an entire bag of dicks, and choke on every single one.

Habit I'm trying to fix?
Doing it all myself. I've been timeboxing my problems and forcing myself to ask instead of forcing myself to just figure it out myself. Communication isn't my strong point.

Those who code their software with no standard are those people who once attempt to launch themselves to Mars with a catapult.

make code change

stop server

try to re run server

dependency problems

java, tomcat, gradle , eclipse, just kill me, dont torture me like this

i tried it once, gave up after half a line of code

Bad dev habit I am trying to fix: copy-pasting code without understanding

Have a nice weekend programmer's!!!!!

I hope your code behaves on Monday the same way it did on Friday.....🤣😂🤣

Weekly Group Rant suggestion: What anti-pattern exists that still keeps being propagated or infecting other areas of your code base (like a virus)?

Code samples/screen-shots required.

Algorithm: A word used by programmers when they don't want to explain how their code works

It’s my birthday which means my code is mandated to work on the first try even if it’s wrong.

"If you're writing a lot of code to do something, you're probably doing it wrong." - Marco Cantu

No matter how highly recognized your code is, it can’t bring the Inflation down

I geeked at this. Just, YES! 😂😂

What's the funniest comment you've ever come across in someone else's code? 🙃

PM: OK team. There seems to have been some confusion over card AAA-111. So from now on we need to be specific in the cards and make sure we have AC and a description of the issue

Devs: Thanks, we appreciate that

PM: makes card
Card: Why is it slow (yes, that's the actual card title)
Card: ... nothing else, completely blank

Devs: Wtf?

PM: these are supposed to be conversation starters guys!

Devs: JUST TELL US THE PROBLEM! WE'LL ASK WHEN WE NEED TO

There are devs who are chill. Then there's me. Deadlines give me anxiety. Being responsible for the code I didn't write and being blamed for the bugs I inherited stress me out.

I can barely code properly while sober. Why would I introduce drunkenness into that equation? If drinking impairs driving heavy machinery, by what logic would it do anything to improve writing code?

Sometimes it takes too long to fix it :(

Who the fuck accepted this garbage copy pasted code all over the place?! Ah, it was our "tech lead", cool.

The "code":

after much cursing, my code starts to work.

The “if” statement works the same in every* language, so if you can code in one language, you can code in most of them.

*Terms and conditions apply.

This isn't about dev, but is related as it was one of my first times seeing how tech could be abused or used in a creative way.

When I was a kid doorbell ditching was a thing. Also, flashing was a thing. Dudes would be naked in a trench coat and flash random people. The 80s was a strange time.

Anyway, my brothers liked to pull pranks. So they took apart a flashlight and mounted a switch into some wires to hold in their hand. They wore a trench coat, had all their clothes on, but wired the light part of the flashlight to their belt at about crotch level.

Then they went to houses at night, rang the doorbell. When people opened the door they flung open their trench coat and blinked the flash light a couple of times and ran away. Everybody in the neighborhood thought it was hilarious.

Ever since then I have had an interest in repurposing technology and code for fun things.

Interns in any company the solution is commethe code

I’m trying to explain the theory behind ‘Rubber Duck Debugging’ and to be honest, they don’t believe me 😂 they say I’m drunk. Help me out here, who else uses a rubber duck or something similar to help debug code?

Alright, it looks like everyone at this bank, a client, I work for will now start avoiding me. I'm usually the only person that takes the time to review PRs and give a feedback. Everyone just seem to click accept because they can't be bothered.

A few months down the line, they begin to wonder why there is so many tech all over the place.

Good luck to anyone that wants me to review their PRs. I pledge to continue to take the time to review PRs and give feedback. I will not be pressured to click the accept button on what I perceive to be sub-optimal code. So help me God.

Just linked to this on a code review.

Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development

Hell yea, gotta finish my prep project for my bachelor's thesis so I've been coding every day since the beginning of the holidays.

To be perfectly honest with you I love it! It's like a 9-5 job, no classes at uni, just work and coffee breaks and I even got to go back to my parent's house for two weeks which is wonderful.

I wish that uni could always be like that though, gotta make the most of those two weeks

Dev: Woah look at this code! I might be a genius!

Also dev a few months later: Woah WTH is this shit? Was I totally dumb or what?

Have a great weekend!
I hope your code behaves the same on Monday as it did on Friday.

The most shittiest feeling in competitive programming is when your code passes all the test cases except the last three. 🤓😌

There is a commercially sold ERP solution that has it's DB schema in excel and Other documentations in MS Word. And its not even properly structured, no schema diagrams, last updated for a 4 year old major release 😒😫.
I have to develop a custom module for it and that requires building an ActivexDLL Project in VB fucking 6 😭😭 .

VB6
Unstructured Documentation
Legacy code
Incomplete documentation
FML

Tell me if you want ss in comments.

Well-written source code is beautiful.
Ugly stuff should be re-written.

Do you agree?

Junior: What are comments

Mid-level: Hah! My code is so clean, I don't NEED comments!

Senior: comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comme-...

The more I code the more i realize software was all about people.

A legacy custom made WordPress Theme.

Old developer made main styling sheet with 8000+ lines of code with no component separation.

Cappuccino, Espresso, Espresso Doppio, Latte Macchiato...
Oh just basically caffeine... Makes the code more shiny!

// This line doesn't actually do anything, but the code stops working when I delete it.

Is it bad habit to code on bed?

Was reading this blog. COBOL started as a low code application for managers to write code in a language close to English.

The more things change, the more they remain retarded.

open file in eclipse while server is running

i haven't made any code changes or saved anything

ECLIPSE: I GOTTA REBUILD

For the love of sex, can someone help me out??!!

There is a VS Code extension that helps in creating a step-by-step tutorial of a codebase. Can someone please tell me its name?!

Google is a bitch today.

When you have to edit a 100+ line method but you discover that it has 0 test coverage.
Feels bad :/

Definition of code reviews in our company:

"Part of work that requires you to scroll to the bottom of the page and click accept button. Looking the changes is optional."

private static final int TEN = 10;
private static final double THOUSAND = 1000.0D;

[a copy-paste from our repo]

Sifting through a React class component that is over 1000 lines long.

When was this written? Not in the 1950s like you might think. Just over 3 months ago.

Kill me.

**Sees a different error after hours of debugging the previous one**

ME (crying inside) - What type of sorcery is this?

This is so nice..💙😄

<Heading> 
Synopsis of Gita (religious book of Hindus)

<Stanza 1> 
Code is an illusion
Today you are coding
Tomorrow someone else would do it
Thereafter someone else

<Stanza 2>
What did you learn
That is helping you in this Project
What are you learning
That will help you in your next Project

<Stanza 3>
Bug is the truth of life
It is today, and will remain forever
You think you have debugged the Bug
You are wrong

<Stanza 4>
It is continuous
In various new forms
It pops up
Recognise it Parth (Son of Hindu God)

<Stanza 5>
That's why go on making Codes
Don't think about the Bug
They will come to you
On their own

In my college, our professors force us to work in turbo C despite having better options available.

/me joining a new front-end project with enforced prettier rules to complete the build pipeline.

No double-quotes ! Single-quotes all the way !

- weird flex, but OK. I'll comply

No CRLF ! LF only !

- Ok, now you're starting to annoy me. With git autocrlf I can have my precious CR locally bu check in only LF and YOU CAN GIVE THE FUCK ABOUT WHAT LINE ENDINGS I USE LOCALLY WHEN EVERYTHING WILL BE CORRECT WHEN PUSHING COMMITS!

No semi-colons !

- Now I hate you

I went down a rabbit hole of code changes to try and delete a stupid for loop with a break in it.

It was super stupid and I gave up and submitted to the fact that some battles are not worth the time and stress.

OK... But seriously, It was returning multiple entities from the database, but we only always want the first one. My logic is that we should just go in there and fix the LINQ so we are explicitly getting one entity out.

But fuck that logic. No I'll have to change fucking everything that's tied to that method and expects a list from it. Every fucking thing. That includes error handling, parsing, for loops..... Nevermind...

You can have your foreach and your break. I'm taking mine, now.

I prefer to build my solutions bottom-up, creating a component right after identifying the need for it but before whatever would be using it, because this gives me the flexibility to think about the problem in the general sense and produce an optimal solution without overspecialization.

VSCode's Rust plugin is a bit overzelous about dead code detection and runs it whenever the codebase is deemed to be correct, highlighting every item that isn't referenced from main, even if it is referenced from something else that's unreferenced.

Whenever I finally defeat the borrow checker and produce a correct solution my entire codebase lights up in yellow like a christmas tree and I'm completely addicted to this.

I would not consider myself an overachiever by any means, but I must say, I'm quite satisfied with my contributions this year at the new (relatively speaking) job. I got to go back to writing code almost every day, all day, and that sure as hell beats being in meetings all the goddamn time.

Algorithm: A word used by programmers when they don't want to explain how their code works.

You know the PHP legacy code base is complete garbage when it requires a script memory limit of 1.5GB.

Stepping through the source code of a no-code-graphical-programming-tool (or however you call that) to understand why my stuff isn't doing its thing or at least see what it wants from me.
Very intuitive

They say in java Errors cannot be handled in developer code. But here my code handles a StackOverflowError. What is going on here?

No, the language is not stupid :) No, it is not a problem of the language, it's just the fact that you don't really understand how to use it properly :) i think this is something each of us hates to hear while frustated but needs to hear afterwards, bad design is a posibility tho, but 99.999% of the cases is our fault. face it, nd overcome it! and finally, to grow beyond it 😄

<<edited with my potato phone's standard image editor>>

Boss asks if the project will be finished today, I reply ‘yes’ and then realised I’d not pushed my code after working from home the previous day! Doh!

Shipt doesn’t write code anymore

I'm getting tired of coding. Not really the coding part, the dealing with people who tell me what to code and why part. Sort of considering making a move into a scrum master or PM role just so I can get fired when I say "No, we're not changing everything they've been working on in the middle of the sprint" or maybe "Yeah, no we're not going to put in a bunch of tickets to change the UI/UX without first talking to the designers, because that's what they do. Yes, I realize we aren't Facebook, but do you realize we "compete" with them because a huge number of people will compare our usability to theirs? (even if just subconsciously)"

Why are authors of highly performant code allergic to readability?

Everytime i find a 3 line solution for my 50+ line of code on stackoverflow.

IDK why I get annoyed by underscores before private member names... Is i it useful or just an old relic?

how to code with no bugs(99%).
it's like a bug condom.

Staring at my code like…

Hey devs!!

I just can't stop myself from sharing this.

Its been two years now ... my junior is working. and now she is handling standalone WP projects.. but somehow her task got stucked so I was asked to help her.

So I just said check the count of variables and she messaged me with code .. Ma'am this isn't working .. Haha.. I mean come on she better can google out atleast for syntax :(

<?php if(count($content2 == 3) && count($interestt2 == 3))
{
print_r($content2);
print_r($interestt2);
}else{
echo "not checked";
}
?>

If you can’t compare your code to legos then it’s bad.

Why comment on the same thing during code review??

I submitted a PR and had to make a design choice that propagated throughout the module i was working on.

During code review, my coworker commented on every...single...line that this change effected asking "why are we doing x here?" instead of just creating ONE SINGLE THREAD with this question for discussion. There were at least 10 review comments on github from their one review that said "why X?"

Is this normal? Ive only had a few programming jobs and this is the first time this has happened to me.

personally, when someone makes a choice like that, i just make a comment and save the rest of the review until that is addressed.

It's a Monday, I've been trying to fix a bug since the morning, I cannot read or write any code. I tried to review a PR, still cannot read the code. Getting frustrated by the slightest problem.

I never noticed the official name for git on the manual page is "the stupid content tracker"

I'm doing a code review on a huge feature, basically touching every part of our authorization logic, and man... It's like my colleague writes his code to be as hard to read as possible. He's 60+ and you'd think he'd have learned how to write good and clear code, but nope. "Let's make it cool cool and I look like I'm a genius. And if I can spend 3 keystrokes less on a function I'm happy". Fuck me.

Finished up my first Advent of code today with python 👌

JIRA life:

Project leader proceeds to put what is actually two separate issues in the title. I'm already raging. I go to take a look at it.

I read the description - ANOTHER (this makes it three now) totally seperate issue in there.

Just fuck you I'm so sick it i see it over and over again no matter where I go or what project I work on its all the same bullshit.

"wE wAnT tO cLeARlY dEfINe iSsUeS aNd MoVe RaPiDlY"

YEAH THEN F&Q*@#()#$(@)#$ DO YOUR F$*(@#(*&$ JOB!!!! I'M DOING MINE, IN ADDITION TO DOING YOURS, CLEANING UP YOUR ABSOLUTE MESS THAT YOU LEFT!!!!

Yo dawg, I heard you like writing code for code you already wrote. So I made you write some mock functions so you can write code for code you already wrote!

MSVC will sometimes compile our code. Sometimes it throws an error.

No changes. Just a shitty compiler.

Ok finally, I can tell now.

There's a college project I'm in with 2 more people that uses Python and AnyLogic (separately).
We also need to write some LaTeX, so as I was already using PyCharm for the Pyshit, I used it for the LaTeX and for Git.
I used it for Git too because I didn't know how it used Git and was worried that if I used the console it didn't recognize something or glitched out or something. And what the hell, it's a mature IDE, what could be so hard or possibly go wrong?

I had to re download the repo a couple of times because between pushes, pulls, merges and commits something happened and the repo ended in a weird state.
These are all the things I do:
Add, commit, create branches, merge, push, pull and delete branches.

So, I hadn't opened in some time. The last time I tried to bring something from another branch, and stayed up late to finish something. I was waiting for my classmates to join the call when I thought something like "Hey, I should commit what I did until now, it worked great.". When I examined the IDE I found out I was in the middle of a rebase or something. I start clicking buttons to at least try to commit. I press "Skip Commit". I lose everything.

What the fuck‽ As you can see in the comprehensive list above, I never do something similar to a rebase. Apparently when I tried to merge a couple of branches, the stupid IDE thought I tried to do a rebase and never asked me to finish it. Why do something I have never asked? Plus, why haven't you prompted me to finish the operation? That's so stupid. I'm never trusting IDEs again.
I was so lit for losing so many hours of work I did a couple of weeks before, I would have to think it and do it all over again because of something I never asked.

We spent an hour looking for a way to recover the lost code.
Why an hour, you ask, if you can use the Local History for that in PyCharm?
Because none of us had used it before and the articles we found said that you had to open it from the toolbar. From the toolbar it was greyed out.
Then I found the option in the contextual menu of the files. Recovered the LaTeX files but on the AnyLogic files, it was greyed out.
I had to open the Local History of the folder containing the AnyLogic file.
And that was that.

I almost faint.
Fuck Python, fuck PyCharm.

its hella hard to code when I keep having to deal with people or join these meetings :/

Code what you enjoy. Don't code what people say will "improve your skills." If something interests you, learn about it. Also, try broadening your interests. Learn new things that you may not have thought about before. It might be fun.

My biggest challenge is not telling the people who wrote code I get to maintain that it is a big pile of shit. My fear is I will forget I wrote said code and proceed to complain about said code. Then someone will point it out that I wrote said code. So it is kind of a self preservation strategy.

Also, in meetings, when my boss calls something a "piece of software", I have to refrain from giggling.

hmm... with the way I code and the world is going, absolutely V8.

linux kernel is a close second.

Can't stand more unproductive teams/zoom meetings anymore!!!

Fck this pandemic crap, let me code in peace!!!

At what point do you stop overthinking random code optimizations and move on to the next task?

With Atom being discontinued I guess I have to start looking for a new IDE.

Visual Studio Code seems to be #1 choice.

I don't get why.

1. Search
It pops up in the small side bar. Can't see which of the findings I am actually interested in.

2. Open file in Solution Explorer
Found the shortcut to open SE after my failed search. Trying to navigate files with keyboard. Enter does not open the file. Neither does CMD+Enter, Option+Enter or Shift+Enter, but CTRL+Enter does! In a new tab which only covers *half* of the window! Wtf.

So ok, today was a crazy day.
New sprint, new ticket.
Work on the bug tickets first he said ….

Sure can. Oh had I just known that this very first innocent looking ticket is the way to coder‘s hell ….

‚Access of undefined‘ it said. Easy to fix, I thought.
Until I found the very same code twenty-fucking-two times over about 50 files!

Who would guess that exportSingleOperatorBooking, exportSeveralOperatorBookings, exportAllOperatorBookings (… and more) could in practically be the same? Nah, they all use different interfaces.
Oh wait, the alias type of the extended sub-interface of file misc.ts is the same logical content as a differently named interface below another different interface with the same content as in another ts file?
Wait that can‘t be. Riiiiight?? 😳

8h later I have barely scratched the surface of refactoring this shitshow of a project.
But no, I refuse to put the same error handling multiple times in different places.
I could have been done already. I could have saved my soul, my sanity. But I will be brave and strong to save the innocent developer that will cometh after me. For I shall be rewardeth for my sacrifice.
Amen.

cool kids code in JavaScript

Maybe I should stop watching the office while I code, I have only gotten like 50 lines of code down in the last hour lol.

My code won’t work

We need a code shortcode here for more dev jokes.

[code]
if (int devrantpoints <= 10 && bathroombreak) {
cout << newrant ();
}
[/code]

is "drunk coding" really a thing? i can't imagine how.

i prefer working code, so when i'm writing code, i need my brain to be working. the "benefits" of alcohol, like reducing social inhibitions, don't benefit source code.

here it is