Fuck life, fuck this society and especially fuck my brain - waking me up at 6 AM and immediately making me burst into tears because bipolar... I mean come on! I can't even sleep anymore?! I know it's hard falling asleep but waking me up just to cry? ...why...

@Floydian thanks

@Floydian nothing and everything at once... It is just the way my brain works for the last 2 years for some reason, most probably caused by long-term exposure to high levels of stress - I get very very very sad(like "someone died" level of sadness) randomly and then I ger very very very angry or happy randomly and I can't do anything about it, I just try not to show it but sometimes it's overwhelming... And I now can't handle even the slighest level of stress, when I get stressed even the slighest I will immediately throw up and sometimes even pass out for like 5 minutes... It's just the way life is for me now I guess

edit: yea that getting sad and happy part is bipolar disorder, that fainting part... well, I have no idea

Well... I tried going to the school's psychologist but she likes to tell stories about other students and even though she won't say their name you know exactly who is she talking about after 4 sentences... and guess what, everyone at school knew what I told her winthin a week so that's when I decided I'm never talking to that person again... as for *professional* help... no, I don't trust people in general and I don't trust the health care system even the slightest(in fact I hate doctors and nurses... apart from dentists, they are ok), they made my grandpa blind and almost killed him even though he was perfectly fine before he went for his health check-up

and about the exercise: yes, I do exercise occasionally but I really hate getting sweaty

@Floydian I hate those apps and I wouldn't know what to talk about... I'm an introvert so I have to know a person at least a little and for at least some time before I tell them anything... but I have my "little" cousin and I can talk about literally anything(yes anything) with her and she understands me 😊

("little" because she it just 2 years younger than me)

And how do I handle stuff? Well I might just look like a dumb jerk to some people because of it but I just have the "don't care" approach... I would rather have someone think I'm an asshole than to throw up and faint :)

I feel you man really , my dad has been persistently going down sick due to his addictions and the stress each time he is at the hospital is overwhelming . I was very strong the first few times however somewhere in the middle is was critical and I just gave up to the stress and I started having all these self induced symptoms .... You name it , I had it .

Palpitations were the most persistent of all the other symptoms . I'm still kind of passively recovering from this ( since jan) . However my dad is back to the hospital and I don't know what's happening with me this time.

I lost focus , found myself with entertainment at most times . It's difficult for a person who calls other people leisuredonkeys for spending valuable time on entertainment . This is just beyond what I can handle . I just wish life was just normal now . Why did there have to be alcohol and smoke :/

And yeah I hate getting sweaty cause it makes my hair look like garbage but at a certain point it feels great

@TheAnimatrix yea... instead of studying for my school-leaving exams (called matura(or maturita to be exact) in Slovakia - just google it) I find myself watching YouTube without any emotions or expression on my face... It is better than crying I guess
edit: and it's not about lazyness it's that I can't read while I'm crying or just lying in my bed staring into the oblivion

@D3add3d true that , lot of free brain power when studying . .. almost like a free trip down memory lane or maybe even the future

@TheAnimatrix exactly, I start thinking about life, relationships and all that crap and there it goes... Does not happen while I code, probably because I need to focus and think about what I am actually doing, which is a good thing

@D3add3d I'm past that stage , I'm unable to code now ... don't lose that man .. that's a line very hard to cross back from

@TheAnimatrix Wise words... Don't give up man, I believe in you, never stop fighting! Hope you get better soon, you seem to have it far worse than me but I believe there is always a way back, we just have to find it

@D3add3d there’s an app/chatbot I have heard of called woebot that may be worth a look

There is a ted talk about stress (of course to many) that tells 'stress is your friend'. I recommend watching it. Also you can dream something really big to eo in your whole life. If you have big life goals and dreams, there wont be any space left in your brain for thinking somethink different. You should find something to keep your brain busy. Also love can help you too. Life is much beautiful when you love someone.

*Flies away
*Remembers he is still single too
*Cries in his corner

Hugs** gives beer**

Hooe you feel better man. Try and seek out help outside of school, shit is important and may be an easier to fix it now.

@hack > love can help
I'm fully aware of that... *sigh* 😔

@Brosyl that's... strange... I let my hair grow instead, I want dreadlocks and full caveman-style facial hair. Dreads make me happy, being free from the society, free from stress 😊 I don't jave hair long enough to make it into dreads but I have some synthetic aqua-blue-aqua double-ended dreads that I will braid into my hair at the end of August (hopefully... waiting for my hair to grow)

@DeveloperACE trying it out now... interesting verification code

@D3add3d I don’t think I ever got that.... huh

The bot is pretty new though (it was only in the last few months that they have an app, it used to be a Facebook messenger bot)

@DeveloperACE tbh it seems to be pretty stupid... It said something about that it has big memory or some other crap so I asked it if it's basted on a neural network and it just continued like I replied what it suggested to reply...

@D3add3d are there other ones that are similar? I never really extensively used it it’s kinda just something I heard about.

Sorry for the crappy recommendation.

@DeveloperACE well, there are other chat bots, not eith this purpose but much more intelligent