!dev

Should I be myself? A tougher question than is seems.

I’ve had major struggles, faced and conquered death, travelled the world, and live with highly functioning Aspergers and much more. Not boasting, just laying the background info.

With all of this it has led me understand, on a fundamental level, difficult truths that most people only understand upon death (if ever at all).

These lessons have had an unspeakable positive impact on my life and the way I approach things.

The problem seems to be that many of these truths are non-transferable, and that the process of even mentioning them makes most people uncomfortable.

I understand though, that the best truths in life are ALWAYS uncomfortable, and that there is great value in this for those who choose to accept it.

But should I risk putting these views into the world in a recorded manner?

This is something I struggle with all the time.

Currently, I do not use social media often (devRant excluded) because it is a cancer. Even when FB came out in high school I knew (without having the words to express it) that it was dangerous and cancerous to real life.

But it is such a powerful tool that it cannot be ignored.

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For example. I moved across the country without a job, away from everyone I ever knew, to pursue the goal of starting my own software businesses.

The responses I got to this included...

“Won’t you miss you family and friends?”
“Why don’t you save for a while and go then?”
“Why don’t you look for a job and leave when you get one?”
“Aren’t you afraid of being alone?”

Most these seem like legitimate questions, and because I cared about these people I treated them as legitimate.

But my real opinion is that every one of those questions is based on either weakness, fear or stupidity.

- Of course I will miss my family and friends, why try to guilt me into sacrificing life for this!
- Why not wait for “the right time”, because the right time never comes. That is an excuse for failures to continue failing.
- Why not wait to get a job? Because that won’t happen if your not there! It’s just a fact, get over it!
- You are alone! You can try to fill your life with people and crap but in the end you are born and die alone! I’ve been dead and know this like I know the sun will rise.

But you see all of that above, for most people that stuff hurts. It seems insensitive and cruel.

It hurts because it is true.

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That’s just a small sample of things.

The larger question still stand...

Should I be myself?

I really don’t know the answer and don’t expect one to come. Maybe someday I will find a way to do this.

For now I will continue to be what people expect me to be.

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To end this I am gonna quote the rapper Pusha T and his new album...

“Remember Will Smith won the first Grammy?”
“And they ain’t even recognize Hova until Annie”
“So I don’t tap dance for the crackers and sing Mammy”

Maybe some day I will be able to stop tap dancing...

Maybe

https://open.spotify.com/track/...