I'm done with this fuckin shit.
Why it doesnt even work.
Fuck it. I will look at it tomorrow.

*after 5 mins*
opens terminal, editor:
- o boi, let's go again

Usually I'll put the kettle on, make a coffee and be like 'right you fucking prick one more go or your being stamped on'... Usually doesn't work, so rinse and repeat

Yup. This was me trying to get the right syntax for RewriteEngine in my apache2.conf so all domains on the server automatically redirect to secure and www. Used all the examples I found online and no matter what I did, curl -I https://domain.name kept returning 200 instead of 302. ALL THE OTHER ONES WORKED.