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Way too long story short: Needed to figure out how to use jQuery to update a table that had no classes or IDs to help you tell what's inside it. Worked out a looping structure to read the contents of the cell with the dependent data in each row, and then update the cell that needed changing depending on the value of the first cell.
Minified the solution and dropped it into the console. Worked exactly right on the first try.
rant
jquery
bad css