Overheating The Javascript Ecosystem

Paranoid thought: You know, in the course of every day, being the corrupt piece of shit that I am, whenever I see a scandal or what looks like shenanigans-in-the-making, I ask myself

"Wisecrack, is this a fucking scam or con of some sort?"

I was recently asking myself this about javascript.

Not the language per se, but the ecosystem.

I noticed how there are a thousand CLIs for simple shit. Another four thousand for page long libraries, for simpleton level shit (because prototypes are designed after satans own aborted love-child of object models). I noticed another eight thousand guys imitating steve jobs, talking at conferences and 'change the world' high-on-huffing-my-own-shit TEDX talks like rubyists that don't realize the world has moved on, all to hawk books and inflate CVs for cushy positions at major tech firms and the herd of dicksuckers following the next fad off a cliff like lemmings. And another eight thousand 'tech journalists' pushing them off the cliff while begging for outrage and hype dollars and slowly circling like vultures above the drain that is the ad-based economy.

And I thought to myself.

"Wisecrack, who benefits from all this noisy self-indulgent horseshit? Where is all the money coming from for all these books, conferences, meetings, publications, media, bread, and circuses?"

"I don't know wisecrack. But if I were the CEO of a big company, threatened by the prospect of a universal language, or universal platform, like flash, but one I couldn't kill like flash, I would try to do the most corrupt thing I could think of."

"Whats that wisecrack?"

"I would try to 'overheat' the ecosystem by selectively hiring people from that ecosystem, pumping money into a boatload of similar products, all in the hopes of provoking the equivalent of an immune overreaction, imitators all flooding the ecosystem with the same shit in different packages, self promoting sycophants, aggrenadizing social media idiots, tools sold as tools, hyped as 'the next coming of steve jobs', overcooked shit that focuses on ceremony over functionality, ritual over productivity, documentation over innovation like some sort of amazonion infinite nesting doll hellscape of documents linking to documents linking to documents, each one a new circle of dantes inferno, where the definition of anything links to another document that says "see also xyz", and I would convince them that they had done it to themselves."

And then I would push typescript as their lord, savior, and master. "

"How do you know all this wisecrack?"

"Because I am a piece of shit, and, this is what I would do in any executive's shoes."

  • 1
    To this date, the best JS rant on this platform, congratulations!
  • 0

    I am upvoting you entirely because I enjoyed the ego stroke.

    It makes my e-peen longer.
  • 1

    Tooooooo late!

  • 1
    High quality rant
  • 2

    physically? yeah.

    mentally? scarred for life.
  • 3
    I think this kind of Cambrian explosion is typical for ecosystems in the phase of not yet having figured out shit yet.

    Remember the time between C64 and Windows takeover? Same thing with a lot of different platforms, interesting approaches, some way ahead of their time. Until shit finally converged and a big species die-off got going.

    History does repeat, over and over. Not least because a lot of people believe it doesn't.
  • 1

    "never attribute to malice what can be attributed to incompetence."

    Except thats exactly the cover I would use for my malice.

    You're right though, history repeats.

    Still gotta ask, who benefits.
  • 2
    Occam's Razor.
    Is it more likely that a single person manipulate millions or that there's a common social behaviour that works badly in that environment?
    Mmm... Well we can all have an idea but checking if the behaviour is there it's probably easier than checking for a conspiracy.
  • 0

    > than checking for a conspiracy.

    probably why conspiracies are so common.

    I did warn you in the post, it's a paranoid thought.
  • 1
    @Wisecrack a fair one at that. However it's easier to reach for some truth trying to prove the opposite. "Conspiracies" are hard to disprove.
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