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So this post is going to target an irritating aspect of a specific culture based on observational evidence over the last 20 years, and has reared its hideous face yet again. If you're triggered by that, stop reading here.

I'm flatly fed up with two-faced onshore Desi coworkers. They make up 95% of my colleagues and the following sequence of events has played out repeatedly over the course of my career, consistently, though it's slightly more pronounced in other women for whatever reason :

1. Work with them for years, good relationship, teach them all sorts of skills (which I will do freely for anyone, for any reasons as I view it to be a moral imperative), general lifting up and solid teamwork.
2. They move up in the hierarchy, generally to management, usually project
3. The second they view themselves as higher in the pecking order they start treating me like shit as if we have no history. Rude, commanding, unwilling to share details, obligatory exasperated thank yous if any at all, not interested in anything I have to say even if I'm the noted expert on the subject.

I understand a lot of their etiquette culture, specifically the level of "directness" or politeness they employ is based on the estimated risk of loss in the interaction. I find that disgusting, but I understand that academically. I just can't get my mind around how universal this shiftiness is, as it happens over and over again. It's like human decency and respect go out the window the second they don't feel like they have anything to gain from you. In *my* culture that is the lowest form of behavior a human can exhibit, and it causes me to rage because I can't imagine being so utterly devoid of altruism.

Fuck. It's just so sickening. It's fucking debased, and selfish and greedy and fuck. I can't even, this is one of those things that so irrational my mind can't accept it and I just go around and around on it.

Tl;dr you want to get throat punched? Because that's how you get throat punched. It's definitely getting this person doxxed to USCIS

Comments
  • 2
    I have had problems like this specifically with older women, regardless of ethnicity. I think a large part of it is the "prove yourself" culture towards women that blatantly pervaded the industry and, IIRC, is still pretty blatant in certain parts of the world.
  • 6
    The devaluation of the human person is directly related to abandoning of belief systems based upon placing high value on the human person.
  • 3
    @projektaquarius
    Ive never seen it to this degree and consistency anywhere else. It's like a switch just flips and everything gets dumped.
  • 1
    @SortOfTested I had the same problems with an Italian woman and an Eastern European woman. The EE woman went so far as to fuck my career so hard I had to leave the company.
  • 1
    @projektaquarius
    I can't even cognate behaving like that. At least here, we've worked consistently for almost a hundred years to curb nepotism, abusive behaviors and exploitation from the workplace. I just don't get it
  • 2
    Might be a case of Adam Grant's "Give & Take". In short, takers are the a**holes you describe (their motto: "Kiss Up, Kick Down", the system might have selected them and advanced them for that). Givers are altruistic and try to help without expectation. Guess who wins at the end: not the takers. If you're a giver (like I suspect most of us on this site are), that's perfectly fine, as long as you don't behave like a doormat and put the stops where they should be on other people's behavior...

    But yeah, it's annoying like hell, I feel ya...
  • 1
    @SortOfTested I have heard, though keep in mind I am American and all of my professional career has been here in the US, that cultures that have, historically, been more overtly male chauvinist, produce more women like this. I actually remember in a lot of classes in school the Indian women tended to answer more questions, more aggressively, and usually in the method the teacher described even if there were obvious better solutions.
  • 2
    What are Desi coworkers? Honest question.
  • 2
    If waiting around to be appreciated isn't paying off, then leave.
    Take all your hard-earned experience and go somewhere where they pay better and treat you decently.
    Don't forget to block everyone or they'll blow up your phone with questions as they scramble the skillset hole you left behind.
  • 2
  • 0
    I wish you the best of luck finding more genuine colleagues 🤔😉
  • 0
    I am Desi and I can totally agree with this. That's why I would always prefer a non Desi team and manager as well
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