I get anxiety when I have no work for days,

I am like the fuck is wrong with you body. You’re suppose to be chill, not a monster that wants to work all the time.

There's not enough time in life to be relaxed 😥

This is quite common, actually. At least with other engineers I know. My body refuses to let me relax.

Relax? Fun? Downtime? Chill?

I don’t know what these words mean anymore. I feel like if I’m not working I’m doing something wrong, and constantly expect people to yell at me for it. 🙁 I am legit confused when they do not.

Really, the only time I feel like I have earned any downtime is after having a 13 hour long productive session AND finishing some major feature. Ofc then I don’t have any time left and just want to rest.

I don’t know how to relax anymore. It’s a serious problem and I don’t know what to do.

With a lot of devs, although I haven't met many, I feel that there is always this underlying urge to be the best, and we get into really bad habits of pushing ourselves too far. If I force myself to relax and get out more, I find it easier to maintain a sustainable work pace and enjoy life more.

Learning something new and fun is good "downtime" work. It lets you explore other options that may be useful for work later. Even if not apparent in the short term.

For instance, I am learning about game engines and shaders. I am now finding potential uses for shaders in my work code.