I kinda hate my life right now.

I hate my job: I've been working as a flutter developer for a month and a half (even though I was hired to do backend) and I discovered I don't like frontend, it doesn't give me enough challenges. Every once in a while I have to do something complicated and have fun working, but most of the time it's just boring layout shit.

I can't do any side-projects, everything bores me. I want to get into really low level programming so bad but the steep learning curve makes me lazy.

I don't feel like I'm doing enough. I'm learning quite a bit about flutter, but I don't want to work with that, I hate it, so I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I'd like to work on something complicated and meaningful, like developing flight systems for rockets or whatever, but there's sooo much road ahead of me I just feel like I'm never gonna make it, plus I have to be very smart to do that and I'm starting to think I'm not as smart as I thought I was. I've been programming for almost 10 years now, but I can already see my college friends getting practically on my level in 2-3 years. I can't let that happen and this thought is making me stressed and burning me out. Programming is literally the only thing I'm good at (or at least I think I am), if I don't have that I don't have anything, because I suck at everything else (I'm not exaggerating, I wish I was though).

I can't see friends because of the corona. I've met with friends about 7 times in a year and I havent been with a girl god knows since when. Meanwhile, practically everyone I know is partying, having fun, going to the beach and I'm here, at home, typing this fucking rant and feeling sorry for myself.

I also wanto to get fit but every time I try to do so something happens and I have to wait 2 months in order to start again.

There isn't anyone I can trust enough to share some feelings and thoughts I have and this is eating me up.

I am unhappy and have been like this for a while now. Every once in a while I smile, yes, but most of my day is endless boredom either because of work or the lack of it. I just want to go back to normal, I don't want to think about my future, I want someone to talk to, I want to be able to cry.

I hate this.

  • 5
    I might delete this in a bit, but I had to put these thoughts somewhere.
  • 4
    do smaller steps, break down your tasks into smaller pieces. That way you'll have more success moments.
    Do you use kanban?
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    I don't think you came here to ask for what to do, but to vent, and I want to let you know that I can hear and sympathize with your situation as I have been there. Hopefully, just as I did, you will be able to find your niche and what truly makes you happy in order to advance in both yourself and your career.
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    @heyheni well it is a good idea, I'll try that, but I'll be surprised if it lasts more than a week, I'm not very organized... Plus I don't even know where exactly to start, but I'll try to put it in a kanban board. Thanks for the tip man!
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    @AleCx04 thanks man! I really appreciate your words, it's good to know other people went through the same, it shows there's a light at end of the tunnel.
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    @neeno here some tools
    Toggl Plan: Project Management Software for busy managers
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    Well I can tell you I got into low level programming with Ada from C# app development, so there is a path forward there.

    Ada probably the language you’d use, it’d pay to be familiar with it, as it’s the most different one. C variants are of course common, but once you get one the rest come easy. AdaCore publishes a free ebook Ada for C++ and Java devs. Reading that is a great start. Reading about radar and how it works is a great start. Just being able to calculate and work with byte addressing is a great start.

    You can do this. Some people I work with lucked up and got in from the start fresh out of college, it took me 5 years of singing the visual studio code slinging blues, and some folks did other programming for even longer times.

    If you were in the US I’d give you a referral 😂 lemme get that referral bonus.
  • 1
    That really sucks. I think you are still in college, according to your bio? Taking college courses on low level stuff is a great way to break the ice with low level stuff and also a good way to get employers interested in you for that stuff.

    If you've already done undergrad, a distance-learning and/or part time masters in electrical/computer engineering, robotics, avionics, or whatever you're into will help a lot too. A structured course is 1. Much much easier to follow than doing it yourself and 2. signals interest to employers (many specialized employers hire from corresponding specialized programs).
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    Who the fuck gave you the rights to write my life story?
  • 3
    For getting fit, go on daily walks, it does more than you might think over time.

    And it could be a good time to let thoughts build.

    Striving to do better is a good first step on any path and for improvement, do small hobby projects that you can finish in a day or a few, those are easer to complete and you can dive into different areas.

    And for complexity frontend can be as complex as backend or low level depending on problem.

    And finally, never give up, the road might be steep and long but persistence usually pays of one way or another.

    When I started working it took 8 years before I really got to fo any real programming but since then I have been working 20 years as developer making my own scripting language and templating engine on the way, learning how to build a compiler and some machine learning.

    And yes some colleges was faster on some parts but most never had the persistence to follow through so in the end I surpassed them in most areas, it just took some time.
  • 3
    @heyheni Notion seems pretty good, I think I'll give it a try, thank you 🙂

    @AtuM yeah, this whole social distancing thing is affecting me really bad. It's kinda hard to stay positive though, but I'll do my best.

    @jeeper thank you man, I'll definitely take a look at ada!

    @RememberMe I'm still in college, yes, starting my 3rd semester in March. I'm looking forward to the operating systems and the low level programming classes, but I won't be able to do them before the 4th semester... I also really want to get some elective classes and extension courses in computer engineering or something like that (I do compsci), but I'm waiting for this corona thing to end before I do that (there are no extension courses available right now).

    @Cyanide lmao, I guess we're on the same boat then
  • 2
    @Voxera I'm currently riding my bike almost every day, it helps a lot and it's great to just get some alone time and clear my mind, but it still isn't enough. I need to gain a lot of mass (and not just legs) and the only way to do that is the gym. However, I have a health condition that's preventing me from making any progress, which is kinda disappointing.

    I'm trying to find a small project to work on, but I always end up with complicated ideas :p Electronics are kinda expensive for me too, so there's that. But I'm trying to learn driver development, it seems pretty interesting, I just have to stop being lazy and continue learning.

    I won't give up, that's for sure, but it helps a lot knowing there's other people that went through the same and made it.Thank you!
  • 3
    Thank you for your kind responses everyone, I mean it. I wasn't really expecting this, I was just kinda shouting to the void. I'm much better now though, I rode my bike for a while yesterday to clear my mind a bit and reading all of your comments helped even more. Thank you very much!
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    @neeno no delet 😠
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    This, to be honest.
    Returning to the frontend at times like this reminds me of the man jumping in wheelchair and saying: "I've got a crippling depression."

    To fill the money and moral gap, I've abandoned shit "devueloper" job and got place in laundry, so I can earn some $ and get fit fast enough 😅 2 days work, 2 days weekends. On weekends, I finally do what I like: I learn how to make games again, on game jams, because just playing is getting dumb on me.

    Hope that you find your way out of snakes' pit too 👍
  • 3
    "frontend doesn't give me enough challenges"??
    Yeah, I also started to feel that way after the demise of IE6, but still...last time I was doing frontend..shit..testing so many fucking devices
    and breakpoints, I wouldn't use the word "challenging" I would say rather it was a fucking nightmare.

    Plus you are exposed to "end" users (=end of intelligence).

    Anyway, glad you can rant your way out. It's a fucking lonely job to be a dev.
  • 2
    @willcandy well, I mean mobile frontend, flutter in specific. Most of the time stuff just works, it's pretty nice. Every once in a while I get something to fix, but even then it might be boring. Idk, building UIs is just not that interesting to me, I like thinking how a big, complicated system comes together, how to best organize it, how to make it more performant, etc. I do have a few moments like that doing frontend, but most of the time it's just ui stuff.

    Yeah, devrant is pretty good to let some of those feelings out, it's a place no one I know will find me and there are a lot of nice strangers, including you :)
  • 1
    yeah I see...moving buttons around and changing colors...can be pretty dull...I feel the same, I like to own projects from start to end rather follow some graphic guidelines...
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