!dev

My mental health has been down the drain b'cuz of circumstances. And unfunnily, it did end up taking the better of me. yet folks around me still do not believe it's a thing that people don't want to live anymore; rather it's a "childish" thing and "are you so weak" thing.

And I'm just gonna tell you, if you ever said that to someone who feels like the world is coming to an end for them, you're an unbearable ass, and you're probably one reason that person wants to off themself.

Living around some people is just torture on its own.

Having been at the bottom my self I do know how it feels.

I got lucky someone recognized how I felt and took the time to talk, and around a year after rock bottom I meet my soul mate and my life turned around.

What I want to say out of my own experience is: No matter how deep you go, there are always a way back as long as you do not give up.

If it helps, it's more of a defence mechanism. People don't know how to handle mental health, and suicide is a very uncomfortable topic.

People who emotional will feel attacked that you made them uncomfortable. It doesn't matter that you didn't attack them, they just aren't self aware of their own emotions.

If it means anything to you, I don't want you to die. I would like to see you live long enough to out-grow your pain.

Best of luck!

the last line in that has my full agreement.

what i can't stand about these people is being sucked into their repetition.

if they werent all doing the same things i wouldn't be going nutty as well.
but they are.
across a time period i watched the same bird fly overhead of the same guy sitting in the same spot

then i wandered around a building and the same bird flew across the top of the building in the same spot, caw cawing the same way across years

its like the fucking matrix

this kind of repetition is not possible unless ALOT of people are willfully doing the same things, while other people are simply reacting.

Aye…

Well it is childish & weak..
/* speaking from experience */
Those are just facts, no need to be butthurt/annoyed about them, it just costs you your mental energy you need for mending yourself.. Facts that are extra annoying to hear when you're already falling apart < I agree with this one..
Nothing to be ashamed of though, everyone sooner or later hits their rock bottom, for some it's some minor thing, others can handle shitload of crap before caving in.. Anyhow, sooner you come to terms that, yeah, you were weak and childish and overflown with everything (& there's nothing wrong with that!!!), sooner you can start working on yourself and getting better..
Hope you get better soon & that one day you'll be soooo ok & a fuckin zen master, that it'll no longer bother you that people called you childish & weak..

Do it. Let go. But before, Don't kill all of yourself at once. Start with the toxic parts.

Don't cling to stuff that makes you feel bad. Leave all the toxic shit in your life.

And while doing so, try to also nurture the parts of you that still wants to live.

I'm happy that you're facing it, you're admitting having those kinds of thoughts. That means that there is still something in you that wants to live.

Also, try 7cups, it's a website for supporting people or finding support. It might give you some solace during the hardest parts of depression.

And, don't forget. Counseling works, it might not do what you want it to do, but it works, so try it.

Put yourself first. Give yourself some happiness. And there's only one thing you shouldn't do, and that is hurt other people on purpose. The world is a reflection of your mind, if you're hostile to your environment you're also harming yourself.