I shouldn’t dread doing my work every day, right? Or is that just the norm for everyone?

Some days.. reasonable, but daily? Nah.

And it’s not the company or the culture. The people are decent and I’m paid well. I just have severe impostor syndrome and an anxiety about screwing up. Every time I make a mistake, I obsess about it to the point that it makes me reluctant to make decisions, or causes me to second-guess my gut feeling about a decision and end up making more mistakes. It’s probably 100% me but I don’t know what to do about it. I used to be good at my job. But now I’m flailing.

@stackodev You need a break is what I think. You might be going through a burnout.

I agree, take a break

@JohnCamp I only have 5 more years at this job before I can enjoy the 4-week sabbatical they offer long-term employees. By that point, I'm already anticipating going into early retirement. My only other option right now is to quit (or get fired or laid off). That or complete unemployment while trying to cobble together a freelancing situation (again).

It sounds like they treat you like crap when you make a mistake. Hopefully that’s not the case!

@TeachMeCode TBH, I have high expectations for myself, which may be part of the problem. But there is one direct manager who is hard to "read" in this regard. He makes facial expressions that can simultaneously be interpreted as indifference or as highly judgmental of my competence. I keep thinking that I'm going to get fired any minute now, but I've been thinking that for the past 5 months and so far they haven't. Still, it's keeping me awake at night, especially when I make gaffes that I know were preventable if I had just shut up or sat and thought for a few more minutes.

4 week sabbatical? Sounds more like a normal vacation / paid leave to me (if a long one). Maybe that sounds privileges and maybe I am, but fuck me if your treatment (and then probably labor laws) are really considered acceptable.

@saucyatom I'm not really overworked like that, though. We have flexible hours and a hybrid office/wfh arrangement. IIRC, that sabbatical is in addition to 20 days paid time off. It's meant to be a reset time for pursuing other interests and getting refreshed. Quite generous, I think. But I have a long way to go to get there, and by then I may just be retiring anyway.

@Demolishun Haha, yeah. I had that conversation and got my feedback and goals set up. Been asking for the results of the monthly cross-functional feedback surveys we all fill out. Nobody has unlocked that view in the system for me despite numerous requests.

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