So this guy, I had a very good connection with someone after so long. I really don't think that someone else will turn out to be this good.
He said he doesn't want marriage ever. He explained himself logically, I understand that too. I, on the other hand, I feel the same about marriage but still want to give it a try.
He is sensible and knows what he is saying, he's 34.
Should I try to convince him? or should I move on?I know it's a big to ask from strangers but looking for some new things to hear.

  • 1
    Is marriage really such a big deal? If you really feel such a good connection, maybe stick to it for a while… I mean, which is more important: being with someone who you feel connected to, or trying (possibly in vain) to find someone else who you’d think you could marry?

    It’s up to you really, but in the end I think marriage is an overrated institution. Anecdotally, I used to be that guy. Never wanted to get married, and purely because marriage didn’t make sense to me. Now I’ve been married for 5 years (a little shook it’s been that long already), and even out of my own initiative. Things can change…
  • 0
    To me marriage isn't just a label, It's a sort of a ritual. The paperwork and everything doesn't matter, but the act itself, the commitment implied both emotionally and frankly financially, that's something. And we all know that humans are social being, these social rituals mean more to us than we'd like to think.

    When you think about marriage purely logically then It's meaningless. It's just a legal term to officially form a family. But emotionally, it means a lot to us. It's a show of huge commitment and It's scary. We don't think logically and even a person made out of pure logic will most likely go through it just to show their partner that they mean it.

    Imo you can't separate marriage from the emotional social-contracty part. If you do you're not considering the whole picture. We're not exlusively rational, quite the opposite
  • 1
    @Hazarth when I referred to marriage as an institution, I was talking about that emotional social-contracty part, not the legal and financial part of it. Legally and financially marriage makes sense, because we live in a world where monogamous heteronormative relationships are somehow more ”right” than others and… okay, that’s a can of worms, let’s not go there. All I’m saying is that the need for something like marriage is not innate to humans, but always comes from the outside, whether we recognize it or not. And that’s fine, to each their own. My og point was that I don’t think it’s necessarily beneficial to hold an institution in higher regard than a person that might be right for you…
  • 1
    @100110111 fair, but my point was, that in the current climate, marriage already has a value, and chances are that even people that don't like it too much will go through it, especially because their partner is more important than what they think about marriage or whether or not they think its logical. Purely because of what it means to people on general already and because you want to share that with the person you love.

    Lets be honest, if it wasn't marriage, we'd make a different ritual. We like to celebrate big events
  • 0
    Is it really about marriage or about having kids?
  • 0
    @horus it's about marriage, he doesn't want to have kids either.
  • 0
    Then you have to find out why you are actually worrying about marriage. Which can be quite difficult since marriage is an ancient and strange institution which seems not fit in our modern thinking of separated concerns.

    1. The primary dimension of marriage is surely a religious one. A holy sacrament even. If this (or at least tradition) is your problem, find out why your boyfriend care less than you and if this is a problem between the two of you.

    2. The second is a administrative one. What exactly belongs to the laws of your country, and I actually recommend checking this carefully. Most likely about taxes and heritage. This might be important when one part is richer then the other. Maybe there is more: it is possible that you are commited to help your spouse or even rx-spouse of they get seriously sick or in finsncial trouble. Signing for this *is* quite a commitment. Is this your topic?
  • 0
    3. Thus having said, most parameters of a relationship are completely ring-independent:
    - do we want to try to stay together for the rest of our lives
    - to we want to live together
    - do we have compatible plans and visions for our live
    - do we share values or can accept the differences
    - to we share our money
    - are we sexually exclusive to each other
    Most likely it's some of those questions are what really makes you think. But you can (and have to) discuss them with your boyfriend completely independently of the question of marriage. And if you find out, you fit in everyone of them, you might celebrate it in a nice wedding party or not - it doesn't affect the chosen parameters.
Add Comment