i have just realized that the main source of my unhappiness and emotional imbalances is interacting with the world.

when at home, i am zen. i leave everything alone and everything leaves me alone, i am at peace, i am happy.

as soon as i get out and start being barraged by the everpresent dumbfuckery of the world, and on top of that my own dumbfuckery,... it becomes difficult to not hate existence.

among the lesser what the fuck things:

paid toilets on our main train station, fulltime staffed with a cleaning lady.

freshly wiped floor, still fully wet, in stalls as well.
and on the toilet seat in a stall with the freshly wiped, wet floor, a dry shit stain.

It is hard.

Then, if you are an empathic person, like me I started focusing on just a few people around me. And, I started to reach out. Made the phone call I would not otherwise do to a friend. Sent out SMS:s to friends and family. Simple stuff. Fixed a monthly dinner out with some close friends. No phone at home (have wife/kids) when we are together.

But I wanted to scream at the world before. I still want to and I still do. But the friends/family bubble really helped me.

I do not read the ”news” any more. I consume only a tiny fraction of what I previously read and watched. Often I now ask my wife and friends what is going on in the world. Crazy. But I had to do it. To keep my mental health. I do read a lot of work stuff though and leaving all social media results in reading a lot of books. Real books.

I also gained so much energy from doing this so I gained two new time consuming hobbies that made me meeting more fantastic people.

But it is hard. I hope you make it!♥️

The world has turned insane. Like, legitimately insane.

People (and countries) are striving to destroy themselves, to harm their children, to ruin whatever it is they have, to reward ruin and to punish success, and to force others to do the same. And they strive to punish any who refuse. Destruction is the new ideal, not creation and improvement.

I cannot stay sane in such a world. So I shut it out as best I can — and I am absolutely terrible at it.

It is not you, it is them. There's really no way out except to change your behaviour. Don't go on sedatives because you'll just have to off them.

What @Root said.

I loved sitting in a small coffee shop, preparing stuff, watching people a bit and just having life all around me.

Or going to a bar, movie night / poetry slam / ...

I don't want to anymore. Some friends are worried, which I can understand, but really 5 seconds watching news and I just don't want it.

Maybe next year, maybe not - depends on wether we're all nuclear or not.

Currently I'm just too tired of hearing the same shit every day and I enjoy being alone.

@Midnight-shcode add a few more line breaks and your comment makes quite the nice poem

@jeeper feel free to :)