Sometimes, after seeing all my friends with their girlfriends and boyfriends have their life, freedom, and happiness slowly sucked away from them, I have to wonder if it is even worth pursuing the opposite sex romantically at all. Especially since spending time on yourself will actually improve your life and make you happier. It’s just sad and feels lonely that no one can relate to me in real life about this.

A. You’re really young and have no idea how your life can change when you find someone you truly enjoy spending time with.

B. You’re really young and have bad examples in your life. Probably your parents.

Also, your view on how relationships work seem toxic. The part where you imply that people don’t spend time on themselves. That’s one of the things that kill relationships. It’s not healthy.

Anyways, I hope you’ll see my point one day.

P.S. I used to think the same as you. So I know where you’re coming from.

Having a partner is fun. Kids are terrible though.

Your friends seem to have had bad relationships. I have been married now for 20 years and are very happy.

I married late, in my thirtieth and we do spend time on our self.

But my advice is to not be to desperate to find one, if you force your self into a relationship just to placate society or family your more likely to end up in one that is not good.

You have friends?

For real tho, all my friends are married now. That's why I'm looking for new friends.

@yehaaw yes, there are so many bad examples I mostly can't find any healthy examples.

Unless you have a longing for someone specific, no reason to push it at all. It's a bother otherwise

I think you are confusing existential dread with relationship problems. I'll tell you that I know people who are completely happy with their partners but suffer through existential dread on the regular.

Get a relationship or don't get it, you cannot escape existential dread. Period.

@Nanos dating in another country and spreading your seeds!

Although I opted for relationships whenever possible, even the messiest ones, I can totally relate to this thoughts. Especially when people feel to be to be too young for children, but old enough for "serious" relationships. They move together. They watch Netflix. They make sushi. They buy a dog. They get jobs. They travel from time to time. And while they seem lucky in a way, they also seem so bored and bloodless somehow sleepwalking though their lives. The partners seems to loose their individual personality more and more. At one point they marry, because "it's time to make the next step", but they have been together for so long, so it doesn't mean very much. Finally having children may disrupt, but only if they let them; if they continue to follow the fucking script they lived their lives before, even the little ones won't rescue them.

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Many of my friends turned out to be those type no people, and made me think the same things you wrote from time to time. I won't say they have toxic relationships, the contrary, they have normal relationships. Normal as in expected by society, battle proofed and role-modeled by various TV shows. The aren't toxic and they aren't unlucky. They are just mediocre. And it's very okay to find that better than loneliness.

While it's totally legit, to avoid the battle at all and stay alone, luckily those kind of relationships are not the only alternative. There are different types of relationships out there. Toxic and terrible ones you can learn from and grow when get rid of them. Crazy difficult ones. Open, On-Off, Sex-Only, No-Sex and whatever relationships. Relationships full of love and romance or full of fights. Short ones, long ones and so on. If you fear the mediocre, reach out for the extra-ordinary - if you are brave enough.

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I have seen good examples of relationships, and I know from my previous relationships that it can be great. However, I honestly think I have matured into not needing a relationship and I want to focus on things that improve me and help me go to the next level. Relationships take a ton of effort and take time away from things you ultimately want to do in life. I’m sure there are exceptional people though out there but the probabilities now of finding a decent person in this world are really slim lol. The friends I know who own businesses feel the same way and have noted that relationships have the potential to really hurt their growth and should mostly be avoided unless they can completely trust the other person romantically or platonically. Again, not blaming anyone with a relationship, that’s great and all, but based on the people who are attracted to me at my personal level right now, and the dates i have had so far, I really don’t think it’s worth it at all.

@Sid2006 I don’t think it’s existential dread because I feel great where I am at tbh. I just wish other people would see the truth about their life.

@yehaaw But you don’t see it from my perspective because you are guarding society’s and your personal relationship’s sanctity by accusing anyone who thinks alternatively as holding toxic views. This is why people who are in relationships are commonly perceived as arrogant and annoying from the views of single people.

@rantsauce I’ll be your friend

@rantsauce I would be your friend as well but i am married too.

That was eye opening, @horus

Pun intended.

@horus I haven't thought about relationships as "mediocre" before. I was taught to romanticise any kind of non-toxic relationships as a great, comfy thing to have. This changes things, I hope...

@phat-lasagna @horus virtual hugs

@rantsauce do you know the feels when you feel silly because you don't get the pun.

@horus now how would you describe a "non-mediocre" relationship if you don't mind me asking? Have you seen non-mediocre relationships before?

@horus it's in your username

@Nanos you cannot be charged if you're not a resident and leave the country afterwards 🤷‍♂️

@phat-lasagna

I’m not accusing you of anything (though it seems that you are). There are mediocre, toxic, and other kinds of relationships people engage in. However, the relationship (as a concept) itself is not the problem.

@yehaaw that’s fair, I guess my point is that there divide now comparable to politics between single people and people in relationships

@phat-lasagna I think you're right for the most part. People just follow what they are told to do, but rarely think about it. Finding a good relationship is very hard, and in truth I find that most people force themselves to put up with shit they otherwise wouldn't. The dumb Disney or movie romance that people get fed is bullshit.

But again, if you find a partner that you can really get along with and whose path in life aligns with yours, it's great. Whether the time investment required for that is worth it is the question. In this game both men and women have to put up with different types of bullshit, and we got no one to blame but ourselves.

@Nanos that's why you should shoose poorer countries which regular citizens can't escape ;)

@rantsauce okay that was absurdly obvious. I should open my eye.

Non mediocre relationships in this context may be everything which isn't an reaenactment of Big Bang Theory or the like. They are often riskful, may hurt much and not last forever. But also more rewarding, fulfilling and less peesonality sucking.

Some have open relationships, so they are allowed to fuck other poeple occasionally. This tends to become very toxic in my impression, but for some it may fit. Others date ppl from a complete different cultural background. Others form a 'normal' couple but live together with other ppl an form a family like group.

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I know a guy who has a girlfriend twenty years older then him.
I have heard some dudes, which consider themselves as a couple. They live in different countries and complete different lifes, one an businessmen, the other an artist. They only see each other once a year when they meet in their house in Madeira or such for a month. Afterwards they return to there Individual lives.

Or those two crazy shitheads that just decided after knowing each other for a month that yolo, leave their partners, marry und make a child instantly...

My point is not that the extra ordinary is necessarily good. But that, if you realize, that the sitcom way of life is not the ideal but the mediocre a whole new world of possibilities unfolds and one does not have to be afraid of the relationship per se.

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