I really hate the childish corporate culture at some tech companies. Today I received my Christmas "gift" from my employer. It was a branded chocolate bar and a sticker pack. The stickers were designed by our UX designers, and the stickers look like they are made for little toddlers at kindergarten. The stickers said things like "Make Friends!" and "To The Moon!". Jesus Christ, are we little kids? The average age of an employee at my company is around 30 years old, and those are the stickers you give us? Stickers are childish anyways, but it seems like 50% of my autistic colleagues seem to like putting those ugly things on their laptops to lick the boots of upper management.

The office itself literally looks like a kindergarten. There's LEGO artwork on the walls and the "Make Friends!" and "To The Moon!" nonsense and similar motivational bullshit is plastered on all the walls. Seriously, who ever thought it's a good idea to tell 30 year old adults to "make friends!". I already have my friends, I don't need to be friends with anyone at work, and I definitely don't need to be told to do so!

Even funnier than that is the fact that the whole "To The Moon!" bullshit is a phrase introduced by upper management to symbolize their effort and wish to make our company bigger and stronger by having a bigger market share. Basically it's the rich peeps from upper management telling us to work harder and make them more successful. Today I had a meeting in which they told me they wouldn't increase my salary because they have a tight budget this year because of the economic problems we're currently facing. But that doesn't stop them from childishly motivating us with bullshit like "To The Moon!" so they can become richer themselves, while the little people at the bottom of the pyramid need to work harder without extra pay.

The most annoying part of this is that many employees lick the boots of upper management and go along with all this bullshit. God I hate cringy childish corporate culture so much.

  • 7
    I feel like that's every tech company nowadays. Not everyone wants to be a tech bro. Some of us just want to make a paycheck and gtfo.
  • 4
    @SensualSquid I really wish I could work at a company with an office looking like Mr. Anderson's office in The Matrix. Give me a cubicle and give me my privacy and piss off with all this "We're Friends!" nonsense.
  • 5
    I can just see management laughing when they see the stickered laptops.
    "It's working!"
  • 5
    Also sad that you didn't get a raise, especially in times of high inflation. I would advice to look for another job.
    (And when you get it say: "I'm going to Space X to aim a bit higher. I have ambitions to be alone on Mars")
  • 3
    @hjk101 Yes I mean management sees software engineers like code monkey's anyways. "Give them some beer, pizza and silly toddler stickers and they're so happy and content!" is probably what they think.
  • 1
    @hjk101 Yes indeed. I also haven't performed at my best this year, so I won't act like it's unfair. But it's really hard for me to perform well in such an environment, so I'm looking at another place to work where the culture fit is better.
  • 6
    That boot-licking thing actually has solid historical roots.
    The entire caste system is based on "you should be glad to be the legs that sustain the head of our society, you filth-covered scum".
    Enslaved people were told they should thank their captors for teaching them their "true" religion.
    Fuck, even today peasants in the Netherlands are made to sing hymns in praise of some rich dead dudes before they can play football. They cal it "national anthem".

    So sticking corporate religious symbols in laptops is just the current iteration of ring-kissing.

    The kiddie stuff is just what is left to use as symbols. Real religion has too much baggage, adult themes like violence and sex and suffering and money and family remembers people that they have a life (and it might suck) and anything else is harder to explain or copyrighted.
    That leaves advertise-friendly copyright-safe child symbolism.

    Finally, investors and the like are *old* and still see computers as "kid's toys". Feed the illusion
  • 2
    Start vandalising those catchphrases. When something goes to shit, say that it went to the moon instead. If you couldn't finish some piece of work, say that you've only been making friends so far. If someone is acting totally crazy, say that they have gone to the moon to make friends. But always use them so that what you mean is already clear from the context.
  • 3
    @JsonBoa whoa! That national anthem thing is also in India. And it is very much similar in the regard that it is to praise some British lord when India was still colonized by them.
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    @JsonBoa Dude in the Dutch national anthem they literally say "I have German blood".

    And the sad thing is also that it's mostly expats from India, the far east and middle east who are the ones who fanatically go along with this childish cultural nonsense. The locals don't really bother too much, but these days we are in the minority anyways.
  • 1
    @themissingbrace @peter68 oh, yeah, India is fucked up in the head too.
    I just like remembering Europeans that this boot licking nonsense is right there in their own homes as well.
    I guess the literary way of phrasing it is:
    "for the lust about the smallest silver of power over another put even lower, is such that man will happily trade in a lifetime of servitude and subjugation past and future"

    Or, in more practical and current terms, being able to "tell the poor souls down in Uttar Pradesh how I'm living like a king in this 9m^2 triple-shared broom closet IN LONDON" is worth being the company's bitch.
    Humanity is fucked.
  • 1
    @JsonBoa although I largely agree with you calling the national anthem in favour of just some random rich dude is a bit cutting it short. It's more about Duke that had a key role in the 80 year war against Spain and founding the kingdom of the 7 Netherlands. I mean this is based on actual actions and direction not just a subjugation of lower ranks.
  • 1
    @peter68 what's wrong with German blood though?
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