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Don't let the hate of others creep in your life. You have a family. Let it be happy. Be happy of them. Be happy *for* them. Teach your kids happiness. Love. Diligence and dedication.
Don't become your dad.
You know what is the most misinterpreted citation? "Blood is thicker than water". They state that it means that the bound of the blood of the fathers is more important than the watered out bound of friendship. But you know what the real, complete sentence states?
"The bound of blood is thicker than the water of the woumb".
It means the opposite.
Keep your beard. Keep your long hair. And keep your fucking huge salary.
And feel for your kids.
They deserve it. -
I do agree with the fact that you just wanted to move away from your parents but if you never cared about them you wouldn't be effected thus writing this rant. Use ur parents mistake to build a better family with your wife and children.
Though try not to disconnect from your parents, a hello call every once and a while wouldn't hurt, even if they negatively reply, if they hated you they wouldn't care to even call and tell you they are no longer supporting you....
Wish you all the best bro, learn from their mistakes and remember, total freedom does cost, maybe ur father used the wrong approach to teach you that when you were a child. ☺️ -
At home my mom behaves like that.All my life i have lived like in a cage.I am 22 now and still mom thinks i shouldn't meet my friends or stay long with them.Apparently i am not allowed to stay at my friend's place even for a night you know b'coz they are "bad".And i am supposed to search for a job and stand on my on legs.O i am not depressed at all! I get to trash all this away from my head when i see those beautiful curly brackets and semicolon(yeah).
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How does he get mad over hair? Is it maybe a religious thing?
He shouldn't be controlling your life anymore, now that you're standing on your own legs
Think of it this way, you're starting a new family, and you can make it a lot better than he did
If all else fails, we all here believe in you
I wish you lots of luck and that your sister gets well again -
Jesus had a beard. Why all the hate then? ;) I think it's wise to leave things be for now, perhaps write down your feelings and your point of view in a letter and send it to them. (yes, that is so last century). Conversations don't quite work in these situations because it's always one person that gets the upper hand. Write down that you have a hard time having your life's choices up to debate. That you and your family feel like they are not welcome or wanted.
Then, wait things out. If no one reaches out, then it's not worth putting more effort in it. As hard as it may be, cut the contact and try to feel liberated. Focus on your own wife and children.Having a beard and doing an evil job with computers is no reason to avoid all contact with one of your kids. You are not to blame. I repeat; you are NOT to blame! -
I hear you man i had the same relationship with my father. Now it's all good i changed his value to my life in my mind. I wanted his approval for years but he kept shitting on me, now instead of approval, i pity him that he is incapable to be happy for me or others. In other words i cut him off mentally, i have a great relationship with my brother and mother. My relationship with my father depends on his mood and the way he acts if he acts like shit i ignore him if it's cool i'm cool. By acting like this he only gets attention from me when he is cool.
Resulting slowly in a better relationship.
Stand your ground and don't waver.
You can't cut off family if expressing to him you're issues won't result in him changing cut him off mentally.
https://youtu.be/Kru-CkgDLpk?t=208
^ robert greene power law 16
https://youtube.com/watch/...
^ compartmentalize love
my 2 cents on this topic -
@Triskelion sounds like some good advice
I'm gonna try following it as well
I just feel that I have to get this of my chest, because this have really me and my family really negative.
It have destroyed my will to be happy, sort of.
Well, my father have some kind of control behaviour. My whole life he has been angry on stuff that does not really matter
and I have always been the one that get all the shit - because I am the oldest. I was never allowed (maybee 3-4 times between age 8-15) to have any friends
over or stay with friends over night or after school. Because they "where bad and I would become like them".
I am happy that I meet my wife 6 years ago and moved away from home when I was 20, I kinda fled the situation from home to start my own life.
My father has always hated when boy/men had long hair and alot of beard - but that is something I always wanted to have. So when I moved from home
I start to let everything grow.
Two years ago, things got really fucked up when I did not shave all my beard of and cut down my hair because my mom had birthday. I did it the week after
because my brother graduated from school and we where going to visit, we did not want a repeat the situation from a couple of weeks before. After that I got
another job as a Linux sysadmin and started to grow the hair and beard again.
Last monday, my dad called and said that I am not welcome to visit them anymore. I am a "bad example" for my sibling
and he also said "you brother and sister does not feel so good (my sister fainted a couple of days before, which I did not know) so I have no time to care about you and your family"
I was stunned, I really wish that this was a joke but it is'nt.
I have always been bashed because of the choices I make in my life and for my own family (wife, and two kids + one more kid any day now)
When I choose to work with something that I love, they said that I am stupid because they basically think "that the PC is full of SATAN".
When they realized that I make more money than my parents combined they went silent.
I just wanted to write this shit of my chest, it is really fucked up and I am starting to loose the ability to have feelings - if you know what I mean.
Thank you devrant, for being one of the fun things I do, when I read all the rage, fucked up stories, hate, and so on. I do not feel alone :)
PS: I promise you, that you guys/gals will be the first one to know when my new kiddo arrives
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