Coworker won’t stop apologizing for everything even though he’s completely competent.
He and I are learning a software completely new to both of us and he’s constantly apologizing for working slowly, not knowing where certain functions are, insisting I’m so much better than him, always reminding us that he’s “still learning” (has been with us for a year), apologizing for being afk for a few minutes, apologizing for having other stuff to work on during the day, apologizing for asking for help…
Again, he’s completely competent and an asset to the team but this guy is 20 years older than me and even calls me “ma’am” unironically. Is there anything I can say to him about this?

On the spectrum of things that would bother me about coworkers, this is not one of them. But maybe this is a "you had to be there" kind of problem.

I guess he wasn't an IT person all the time and only switched to it in the last 5 or so years?

And he served in the military?

@netikras yes and yes lol

Japanese people can need a lot of time to adjust to less humble and polite cultures.

There might also be a self esteam issue.

@phoooooebe well, as for the ma'am part, the only thing I can think of is.. perhaps try and befriend him? If I understand the formal address of "ma'am" right, I think it may be applicable to everyone but close ones, i.e. friends and relatives. If a person is not a friend or relative - use the formal address. soo.. IDK, maybe a series of teambuilding events might help? IDK.

As for the apologetic language - he probably lacks self-confidence in what he's doing and stands in a defensive position until he feels firm enough. Problem is, at least I never feel firm in anything-IT :) Perhaps none of us do? Maybe you could try and convince him (repeatedly) of this during the teambuilding events?

BTW have you tried telling him this apologetic behaviour and formal address inside the team is completely unnecessary and a bit annoying and you'd like him to stop doing that? I reckon he'd accept the criticism well.

@netikras on telling him to stop apologizing, I imagine that he would say that he didn't know how much it affected other people and that he's sorry about that!

@devJs could be. I was aiming for a "yes ma'am, understood, ma'am"