I nearly died 3 years ago. I hate this new, anxious me. Being vulnerable is so fucking hard. Fuck.

What happened?

Edit: people exploit vulnerabilities without realizing. People say stuff they would normally never do

@retoor severe covid and severe complications, pulmonary embolism caused lung damage and put me in ICU/hospital for a week. Was most of a year till I was well enough to exercise again doing anything more than a walk round the park. I have PTSD and a not small amount of anxiety.

Today's anxiety is around putting myself out there, there's someone I've been spending time with for a month or two and just don't know what to say. But I know before, I was fine with this stuff. Or at least, way less bad than I am now 😅. I was seeing someone when it happened and the strain completely killed the relationship, and part of it is "what if that stuff causes a problem again?". I'm way better than I was, but I'm still not "well".

I have a therapist and I am definitely less anxious than a year ago, but some stuff I'm physically limited from and some stuff there's a mental limit, and both are super frustrating when I run into that wall. But at the same time, I'm super stubborn, so I will push through it. And venting a bit helps sometimes.

@atheist I can relate a little bit. I hope you get well and feel good and confident about your health soon. :((

@TiananmenSquare I doubt so if those things worked: you'll still get sick but slower chance dying. How the. Fuck did they measure that. Vaccine maybe did nothing

didn't we react a bit too harshly on covid? - said the stand up comedian
- Yeeeaah - replied the audience
- ... That's what most of the survivors think so...
- the silence afterwards hits hard ;)

When healing from something the trick I find to be working best is to tell yourself each day that the next day you'll be a bit better than the previous one. that mantra speeds up a lot the process ( or so I imagine it to happen... after all I don't get ill often and have sorta speeded up recovery process in general )

@TiananmenSquare oh fuck off. I got covid before vaccine rollout.

@TiananmenSquare sigh. Child can't handle being wrong, resorts to petty insults. Go stick your hand in a blender.

@TiananmenSquare how exactly did I damage my health?

@TiananmenSquare huh, you've suddenly learnt to read. Well done.

@TiananmenSquare let me borrow @ScriptCoded's wise words:
Why can't you just go fuck yourself?

@TiananmenSquare in case you missed the message, fuck off and go fuck yourself.

Worry not , @atheist.
I've enjoyed being isolated and now can barely speak to people.
We'll get there and people who don't over communicate will understand.
This also frees one from many bullshitters.

@scor fucking same. great deal of bullshitters. almost seems like a bonus.