I have a big problem from always being charged with a reserve of farts at work. It's like sitting on a bomb. How do you guys handle this?

Burp trough your nose instead of farting. Very elegant

@retoor I wish I could burp instead, but there’s something that’s like wired in my body where I can’t ?!?

Relax your muscles and fully open up your hole to fart quietly. Don't squeeze your butt together, because that will sound like a bomb or a machine gun.

@d00td00t wjat are your instructions for shitting?

@retoor Go to the toilet, lower your pants and underwear, s(h)it on the toilet, pull up your leg (or put them on a small stool). Please dont put your feet on the toilet seat, you will hurt yourself.

Then follow the farting instructions, relax your muscles, take a deep breath and fully open your hole and push from your bully. Do not use your lungs, you will damage your lungs. Use your belly power!

To fully enjoy your shitting moment, you can yell some python basics, functions, whatever you like. Even sex positions, dildo's, buttplugs, fetishes, plastic cranes from @awesomeest and so on!

@d00td00t yell plastic cranes? I mean ive totally played crane games on the toilet.... but i usually play the crane games when i need to sit on the toilet (like on the padded lid cover, not using it for toilet things)... thats more often than i care to admit since it's just from me taking stubborn ocd showers til my leg wont work enough to go anywhere else b4 rest.

Basically, crane game on toilet time is the clean, non-deficating type.
I reserve real toilet use time for things like responding to @SidTheITGuy ... defensive, delusional, whackos are better than the childhood comics in bazooka gum or that dog in the times of newpapers being a household daily staple

@awesomeest I take a plastic stool to the shower cabin, so I can sit while showering and play with rubber duckies

Ask @b2plane

@d00td00t idk why your shower is in a cabin or wtf a plastic stool has to do with your, likely trauma based, childhood regression... but sometimes i need a plastic stool in the shower... but that's for a totally different reason.