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Was decidedly unfunny, but hey, that's why comedies are scripted. Stuff often gets sad that is unfunny, intended to be funny. And often stuff is said harsher than intended.
Write it down. Just like you did. And see if that repeats. If it is a once-off, forget about it. Take two weeks, if you cannot add anything to your note, just wrap it up and throw it away. If something is said once every two weeks, that is just normal miscommunication. -
Is talking to the guy who made the joke an option?
Tell him it was not nice and you feel hurt, see if he apologizes. If he does and doesn't repeat similar jokes, all good he was an idiot. If he apologizes and repeats in near future, he's an utter idiot, you should get better friends and slowly backing away from him because he's going to ruin his own reputation some day. If he doesn't apologize and gets defensive... chances are you're dealing with a sociopath, he's going to throw you under the bus some day so you better keep as much distance as possible. -
@Jabb03 he got dissed in a group chat about a comment he made and considers this humiliating. What a world
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I worked with a Brazilian dude. His GF painted his nails pink. He was really embarrassed about it. I said something to the gay guy in the break room about it. The gay guy said some shit for comedic effect. So later in the bathroom the Brazilian guy (we were and are friends still) starts telling me how fucked up that was and starts getting pissed at me. I said: "No, and fuck you." and walked out. Later on we talked about it. We were okay again. I don't know if it is a culture thing, but standing up for myself helped dissolve the situation.
Is it cultural for Indians to criticize like that? I don't know, so I am asking. -
@NoMad i also went with this approach only. i had left that bitching group after this incident and soon got a dm with him that he was sorry. i told him that i was angry anf was thinking of going to TL and he was like that he's just joking and stuff. i said ots all good but don't abuse from now on, coz even if its a banter group, its still a professional setting. he is cool with it.
This situation turned into a no win and kept getting worse. first, i reacted to his message and got offended/hurt , then i acted on it and called him and then i left the group. now everyone knows that i am an easily offended person and cpuld be manipulated into getting out of a situation while at the same time not cool enough to be kept around as i might loose my temper and report to authorities, but oh well -
@dotenvironment alternative point of view: you were firm on your beliefs and morals and set a boundary (kinda!). Could make you seem less of a complacent character.
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I don't understand why mentioning someone's birthday was viewed as bad, or as a joke
I also don't understand everything else
in my lack of understanding, if there's regular roasts going around people feeling insulted then is just the culture? so I don't know why everyone else gets roasted but if you're roasted you wanna go to HR. I do think this is actually a shtitest that happens amongst some groups, they wanna see if you run screaming to someone else or can hold your own, and you only get respect and actually invited as part of the group if you can play the game instead of spazzing out because someone scratched your dignity a bit. the ability to hear harsh feedback when you fucked up and trust your teammates to give you genuine feedback and learn from it is important before you're invited to a pack
but you're saying you're Hindu or something so I'm guessing there's a lot of cultural implications that are just not coming through in this story I guess? -
@jestdotty hindi is the most common dialect in India, but every hindi speaking person != hindu (although in this case i am, and no it had nothing to do with the incident)
roasting someone in person or even in group is okay but my only concern was that he abused despite the difference in work exp which made me look like a less knowledgeable professional.
bit again there was no context of a professional discussion so i did overreact
and regarding the joke, its like if your boss asked who has birthday in December and some guy answered "jesus's" . btw i found it funny and did hear a nerdy small laugh before the boss turned it into a sassy girl -
@dotenvironment oh cuz it's a famous person
difference in work experience means he can't outdo your knowledge? see that stuff always confuses me. I had an Indian lead dev once and I think she grew to hate me. she kept making everyone say how long they were programmers and I was always the newbie, but I wasn't by any means unknowledgeable. someone who had just joined the company and didn't know much had made a joke during a meeting one of the times she had everyone say their years of experience that it doesn't mean I'm any less wiser, because it felt like she was trying to humiliate me by always citing this when my number was like 6 years and everyone else was 12-40 years of experience. I smiled at him and felt more relaxed. the guy soon left the company, citing "communication issues" (which she was doing to me as well, as retaliation). I don't understand these shitting contests -
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@dotenvironment so you told him you was about going to TL? Damn, why ffs if he did apologize already. Now he knows you're a snitch. Snitches get stitches
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@Jabb03 still salty. Spicy as pepper
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@retoor i told him that i felt like going to TL, as that much i was hurt, but rather called him.
looking at the comments here, looks like that was a mistake too.
well whatever. i do have some issues dealing with people and need to some more growing, i guess
so... either its justified and i should be reporting for harassment or i am overreacting to a water cooler talk, please help me decide next action:
we are in morning standup zoom call. boss (AVP) comes, jokes about who's birthday is coming next month, no one says a thing, then i joked Gandhiji's. his reaction : "ugh bro why do you always have to ruin the friday mood?" and I also laugh "well..." topic changes.
^--- this part is all good. he is AVP, He rarely joins the call and is a cool fun (but strict) guy. the problem happens in a side teams chat room
so we have an "emotional support android" group. we just named it that to prevent scrutiny, its really just a group where everyone is usually ranting and bitching. however it just includes us android devs.
so while i am making this joke in teams, one guy messages there about what a stupid statement that was + 2 abuses (hindi abuses, there translation would loose the impact)
i am all in for bitching and everything , but i felt bad for this. this group does include the word "android" and android folks, some of which are not even here. if this was a personal chat, i had ignored it, but i am trying to make a name as a dev and this undermines my statements in general.
furthermore this guy is 6 months old in team and i have been here for more than 1.5 years. he is 2 years older than me, but we are always cool and we often help each other in tasks
I am angry for the public humiliation and feel like reporting to my TL, HR or even the AVP. he is not even realising that he hurt me. actually the office environment has gone so toxic that the tl is herself threatening and scolding for every basic things and we are all but bitching to each other about it. he is mostly my guy, always taking my side and i take his, but i feel like my dignity is being impacted
or am i stupid to get hurt at this?
rant