i am on a phone call, and relying on the mute button for the life of me, that the other person does not hear my loud farting from massive shitting on the toilet

Dude, they have fart (and body noise) reduction algorithms in phone audio encoding systems. It took them like 10 years to find the difference between Darth Vaders voice and setting off a giant shit bomb, but they finally did it. They did a special on PBS that originated from the BBC on this tech. Some audio engineer dedicated himself full time on this project. Apparently he had a major gas problem. I did hear recently he was found dead on his toilet though. Rumors he was murdered by Big Bean for infringing on their right to free squeak. Trust me bro, its totally safe to rip one on the phone.

One can only wonder what's SO important that you must answer while on the throne...

@kamen He's doing it for the thrill!

@kamen he practically spends half of his life on the toilet shitting.