I had a machine coding round today for backend role but I didn't not show up cause I was nervous as hell. Reason, I failed my last 2 interviews.

Now, I'm conflicted, sad, anxious and somewhat devastated.

Everybody fails an interview at some stage. Don’t be afraid to show up on interviews, you can use that opportunity to ask questions, check what questions are asked etc. Use this knowledge to learn from your mistakes. This will only make you more prepared for the next one increasing your chances.