I keep thinking back to that drill thing that the Americans believe in

"if you wait to feel to do it you'll never do it"

and I was curious about that advice. maybe it's right. but now that I'm sick and have brain issues I know that there's no point in doing anything unless you have your health. everything I spent years nerding out about just fell out of my brain. your health is the multiplier to everything else. the bedrock that makes everything else possible. everything you learn is only maintained if you're healthy, and you lose it all if that health ever fails you. what happened to me

and low-mood is often the symptom of brain issues cropping in; inflammation, a failing immune system. so I think I should've taken note of that instead of powering through things not thinking twice about it