Story time.

Not sure it counts as data loss, more temporary corruption (and in my own brain).

> be me.
> be clinically depressed
> be recently out of an awful breakup
> recently nearly committed suicide by train
> be bored and lonely one night
> take lsd
> feel fine
> go to McDonald’s
> feel fine
> while eating question the nature of reality
> become convinced I’m an observer of a cosmic story and cannot die
> go outside in only jeans
> run in traffic at 1AM to prove my point
> don’t die
> run around the streets more sure of my new reality than I’d ever been of anything
> feel free and no longer sad
> walk around observing the world
> sit on wall and wonder why the story had the structure I was observing
> fall off wall into grass and mud
> follow cute guy into apartment building
> follow into lift
> ask what everything means
> spend better part of couple hours in lift pressing emergency button asking for help
> get no response
> scare poor Russian lady that gets into lift and finds an overweight topless man on the floor babbling incoherently
> ride to top floor
> get out
> sit on leather chair in corridor
> feelsnice.tiff
> decide I’m actualising my desires and reality
> don’t realise this is just the trip wearing off and consciousness exerting more control
> walk into random apartment (door is unlocked because why wouldn’t it be for the god that I believe I am at this point)
> explore
> gorgeous apartment
> realise it’s a family apartment from clothes in hallway and items
> find bathroom
> decide I want a bubble bath
> run bubble bath
> can’t work out how to drain water. Bath now full of twigs and mud #sorry
> decide that I’d like to go home, or onto my next adventure. Hopefully the seaside as I’m now realising I have more control.
> open bathroom door
> not the seaside. Ah well. Try to walk home
> walk home wrapped in fluffy towel from nice family’s apartment
> get home
> realise what had happened
> throw remaining drugs away
> sit and rock in utter paranoia and guilt for hours until flatmate wakes up.

MFW first bad trip ever.
MFW I wonder whether that family knew I was there and were scared / discovered the mess in the bathroom the next morning and not knowing which is worse.

MFW I still have the towel because it’s fluffy AF.

The moral of the story kids, is that when it comes to the OS rattling around in your brain, installing a virus that is sensitive to what apps you have running is a bad idea when those apps make the virus go to fucking town.

Terrible analogy I know, but fuck it.

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    Amazingly well-told story - I especially liked the parts about asking what everything means in the lift and everything involving the apartment/bath.
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    @nightowl the guy merely grinned, replied “I dunno man, I dunno” and proceeded to go to his apartment.
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    @Floydian oh, man, I hope you will be able get out of it, I wish you luck and good health
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    Worst part about breakups is that you lose confidence. You lose sense of feelings (love or whatever) and hereon pretty much all relationships confuse you.

    Confused, and with no confidence you have no chance of knowing new girls/people. One tends to become a shut in thus dive in even deeper.

    It's really terrible !
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    @Floydian possibly, but I had good reason to take it badly.

    We were open with agreed boundaries

    Late on a Friday when I was at work and looking forward to going home and spending time with my boyfriend, I get a text saying he’s gone out and I should join.

    I say no, please come home, this breaks the rules we agreed on.

    Turns into a whole clusterfuck where he’s gone the whole weekend, nearly dies in the street from drug overdose, finally comes home and it’s just a whole mess really. Had to call the ambulance out to come check on him.

    He had a bit of a realisation that he wasn’t happy, and unfortunately our relationship was ruined by him projecting some psychological issues onto it and trying to get me to help / indulge him on them.

    Were it not for that we were a pretty good match. We just met at the wrong time.

    He also still lived with me for months as I didn’t want to throw him out.

    Shitty experience. Grew from it.
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    @Hu-bot0x58 nah. I was riding the tube home. Literally crying in public (disgusting).

    There’s a bit where switching platforms makes the journey quicker, but I didn’t quite trust myself, switched anyway because I thought I was being stupid and the such.

    Yeah, no.

    Tube trains can go up to excess of 80mph into stations, I was inches away.
  • 1
    @Floydian I actually developed bipolar disorder after my last relationship so I feel you bro... and I don't get happy... I only get super angry or super depressed... Or I just feel like I am without a soul, no thoughts, no imagination, just darkness...(like right now)
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    @D3add3d I know that. My thing was a weird sort of apathy.

    I know it’s cliche, but it does get better dude.
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    @divil it did indeed I’m afraid.
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    @Brolls bipolar disorder is caused mainly by stress and genetic predispositions so there is very little chance to get out of it...
    Oh great... now I want to kill myself again... this is weird, like I know that these thoughts and feelings are not normal but I can't do anything about it... I am like fighting with myself in my head 24/7... One myself does not talk, controls my emotions, avoids any contact with other people and wants me dead, the other myself talks, writes and constantly fights to keep me alive
  • 1
    One of the best stories I read on this app. Maybe you should focus on writing stories to forget about the world for a bit. Hope you get better!
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    @Floydian I am :)
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    @divil not really. Occasionally I get a sort of dejavu type experience that is common with lsd.

    It’s kind of like a situation triggering the same thought patterns you had while tripping. You don’t trip again, but it’s like the trip helped you see / understand something that you’ve now carried into real life with you.
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    Aka reasons to not leave the house while tripping 😁
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    > take lsd

    At that point I knew this is going to be epic story :)
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    @unmarked I know right?! It’s like my usual #1 rule, and I’d always poopoo’d anyone who told me it could be bad enough where you don’t realise you’re doing something bad.

    I was totally wrong.

    The problem is that I felt completely fine, in total control when I went to McDonald’s. I came home. Started eating, and that’s when it all hit me.

    It was all very strange, and every trip I’ve ever had prior to that, I was always able to separate fact from fiction.

    I think the problem is that being a naturally inquisitive and existential person, coupled with my brain being able to construct a semi-plausible explanation for my existential dread kinda really sold it to me.
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    @nik123 I am indeed of the homosexual persuasion.
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    Not sure why so many people feel the need to comment on your sexuality ... 🤔
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    @unmarked it’s wholly tiresome. Once again it really does seem to be that there are some terrible attitudes towards women / gays on here from some people.
  • 1
    @Brolls agreed, it's weird how many people will hone in on a throwaway line in a long ass rant! Ignore the peanut gallery 😁
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    Breakups are devastating, but it happens once and then you are technically free and can go for another relationship.

    But my life seems to be the sequence of whooping productivity blasts and utter nightmares like doubting everyone and everything, doubting yourself, lose sleep, lose confidence, every action made just feels wrong, everyone seems wicked and so on. I can collapse into tears without any reason. Maybe I have bipolar thingy?

    It’s not getting any better. Vitamins didn’t helped much.
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    @uyouthe same. Not sure it’s bipolar though, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to go see your doctor.

    I personally have come off all depression medication as it never did anything but made me feel worse.

    And yeah. Breakups are the worst
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    More than being sorry, I'd love to live a day like this
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    @Brolls cheer up mate. There’s no need to kill yourself with train.

    Btw can lsd destroy your brain so there’ll be no way back?
  • 1
    @uyouthe total myth on the lsd destroying the brain btw. 👍

    But unlike other drugs, it’s a tool and should be treated with respect. I failed to do that and it fucked with me 😂
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    @VTCoder it certainly makes a fun story.
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    (Referencing the press F to pay respects meme)
  • 1
    That's not a bad trip... And you remembered always take a towel and DONT PANIC
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