Day 28 of starving myself to death challenge. I’m… good, I suppose. Anxious though

What was target again? It's going better than your daily kitty posting challenge so far 😁

@retoor I asked this two times already and was ignored.

@Lensflare maybe it's about suffering. But in that case, just cut yourself right? Hmm. But as I understood, she alreday lost 6kg or smth? That's amazing in a month, keep going if that's the target I would say. It's probably healthier to lose some weight quick than keep being overweight. It's better for knees and stuff I guess.

But what is very known is that quick weight drop gets followed by adding it quickly again. That yoyo effect that i talked about.

That friend that i've told about, the very fat one, she starved herself extremely like kiki for a long time but she still is starving herself a bit. It's almost like quitting smoking - you can quit, but some people keep graving. So yeah, she lost weight, but keeping a good weight is still a daily struggle.

If it was for me a daily struggle to stay skinnehh, i dunno if i would do it. The only reason i stopped drinking frequently because there was no daily struggle involved like I was tould that would be rest of my life.

@retoor @Lensflare as I previously said in the comments, the goal is a full pre-death experience followed by death. My religious belief is that you will experience your pre-death self for the eternity. I want to get there peacefully, as ingesting poison feels way too stressful. I also want to get myself enough time and opportunity to back out

@retoor @Lensflare this is my reasoning and justification for such an act https://devrant.com/rants/13169777/...

I'm not getting better.

@kiki nah, i don't know, i have once thought to die for a long time and it wasn't a good experience at all. Also, if you are starving yourself on purpose, it's not a really pre-die experience. The desperation of dying is something happening to you, not something you can cause yourself. The idea that you can save yourself with eating something is not having that experience at all.

For me, it was staying so long awake and brains running 100% that i was sure to get a closed circuit in my brain that would end me. Psychosis took a few months, the part that i thought that i was about to die took a few days. Being 100% convinced to die is really really terrible. Of course, you don't just drop dead and your environmnet is relax about it, but if you are so long awake and experience it yourself, you do not think that rational anymore, because what is happening to you, you never expected that it would be possible. Human can be a kernreactor. 100%.

@retoor we're different then

@kiki for sure, i think that was already clear but not in a wrong way. We're both outspoken people not saying stuff that everyone likes or what is mainstream, including eachother.

@kiki I was assuming that you aren‘t serious about the actual death part and that you were just joking around (I‘m still not completely sure).

If you are serious, I don‘t know what to say about announcing suicide on a public platform.

It still feels like a typical cry for attention with deliberately vague hints about the seriousness.

@Lensflare I've heard anorexia is really a subconscious suicide, way back in the 90s.

@djsumdog that's an interesting perspective, knowing that anorexia is the most deadly mental disorder