I just returned from a 1 week vacation and my boss summonned me for a 1 on 1, and said he is not satisfied with my work, as I don't deliver "fast enough" according to him and do not show enough enthusiasm. I just nodded and didn't answer out of shock.

Background: It's my first dev job, and it's in a really fast paced startup. I have no degree, and I'm here for 3 months. I'm 23 years old, he is around 30.

I really don't know how should I feel about this. It's the first time someone tells me stuff like that and I'm kinda depressed. I know I sometimes work slower than my colleagues because I have less experience but I never thought it would come to this.

Any advice?

Just ask them what their expectations are and then figure out if the is is achievable. If you need help just ask them. I'm sure if they have invested in you they would be willing to help. Maybe spend some time at home brushing up on areas you are struggling with. IV been there before don't let it get you down. Embrace it and become a better person. If you feel like you are being bullied get the fuck out of there. IV been there before too.

I agree with @pretzlerich. First of all, pick yourself up: calm down and realize that you're not a fraud and you're not a bad developer just because of what your boss said.

Then, assume the fact that not meeting someone's expectations is a possibility. That can happen and it's not anyone's fault. You can be a good coder and still not fit in a particular organization for some reason.

That said, arrange a meeting with your boss, explain to him that you'd like to know what he expects of you and ask him what could you do to do better, let him see that you're willing to improve. Then see if you can meet those expectations and try your best to meet them. Maybe you can after all, maybe not.

Finally, if you can't meet your boss' expectations, the fact is you can't meet *his* expectations *right now.* You can improve over time and you can also find other places where your current capabilities fit better.

Don't beat yourself up over this. It may suck, but it's not the end of the world.